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Boyfriend Pressures Girlfriend To Buy His Mom Gifts, She’s Never Met The Woman, Starts To Worry
Dating can be full of surprising milestones. You know, like the first time you say, “I love you,” meet each other’s friends, or discover that your partner’s mom is somehow already your responsibility. Some people bring flowers to their first meeting with the in-laws. Others, apparently, are expected to send gifts before the first handshake.
After just eight months of dating, our Original Poster’s (OP) boyfriend began urging her to give gifts to his mother, someone she hadn’t even met yet. What followed was a conversation that left her questioning whether this was a normal part of building a relationship, or a sign of deeper issues around boundaries and expectations.
More info: Reddit
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In most relationships, there’s a natural order of events: dating, eventually meeting each other’s family, and then maybe stressing over what to get their mom for her birthday
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author has only been dating her boyfriend for eight months and hasn’t met his mother yet
Image credits: Masaomine
Image credits: Timur Weber/ Pexels (not the actual photo)
On Mother’s Day, he asked her to get his mom a gift, which she declined, feeling it was too soon
Image credits: Masaomine
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Later, for his mom’s birthday, he brought it up again, saying she now “owed” her a present
Image credits: Masaomine
This left her feeling uncomfortable and she questioned whether this expectation was reasonable or a red flag
The OP had been dating her boyfriend for about eight months when Mother’s Day came around. Surprisingly, he asked what she planned to get his mom, whom she had never even met, by the way. When she politely declined, he was visibly disappointed and suggested that since they were dating, his mom was “kind of like her future mother-in-law.”
Understandably, the OP found this wildly premature. She explained that she wasn’t comfortable with the idea of gifting someone she didn’t even know, and that it would feel forced. Instead, she offered to bring a small gift if and when she actually met his mother.
Just when she thought the awkwardness was over, her boyfriend came back with another request, this time for his mom’s birthday. When she reminded him that she still hadn’t been introduced to her, he told her that since she hadn’t gotten anything for his mom for Mother’s Day, she owed her a gift now.
This rubbed her the wrong way. Not only had she been emotionally supportive and generous in their relationship already, but the idea of “owing” someone she hadn’t met yet felt deeply transactional. And if we’re going to be honest, no one likes feeling like they’re part of a gift-based scoreboard.
Image credits: Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)
PsychCentral provides some insight into the concept of enmeshment, which refers to family relationships where healthy boundaries are missing, causing roles and responsibilities to become blurred. While closeness in a family is generally positive, enmeshed families take it too far that members become emotionally entangled in ways that hinder individual growth.
With these dynamics, boundaries are essential not just within the family, but in dating relationships. Bonobology emphasizes that setting boundaries in a new relationship is key to creating mutual comfort, understanding, and respect as they help define what is acceptable and what isn’t, allowing both partners to feel secure while maintaining their individuality.
They highlight that a critical part of this process includes identifying deal-breakers and non-negotiables, issues where compromise isn’t possible. Establishing these early on helps prevent misunderstandings and sets a foundation for a healthy, balanced relationship.
As noted by Elephant Journal, all relationships experience highs and lows, which is completely normal. However, problems arise when one partner is consistently the only one asked to make compromises or sacrifices. They state that a healthy relationship requires both partners to contribute equally, not only in actions but also in emotional investment and decision-making.
Netizens criticized the OP’s boyfriend, with many readers urging her to reconsider the relationship. They found his expectations unreasonable and pointed out the imbalance in his demands. They also raised red flags about potential control and financial manipulation.
What would you do if you were in the OP’s shoes? Would this be a deal-breaker for you, or would you give the relationship more time? We would love to know your thoughts!
The author clarified that the boyfriend never got her mother anything when it came to him, and netizens were quick to label him a red flag
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What do you think ?
J R 4 months ago
OP needs to run. This is the type of guy who will expect OP to plan every single holiday and birthday... but forget OP's birthday. Probably would expect Father's day gifts and then do nothing for OP when it's their turn to be celebrated.
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 4 months ago
Yup. He's a bullying entitled cheapskate freeloader. It's terribly considerate of him to tell you this before you're properly trapped. Listen to him, and run NOW.
Load More Replies...
Janelle Collard 4 months ago
Oh yeah! The "momma's boy" and "you will be in charge of all gift giving" red flags are waving all over this relationship. Hope OP bailed on this loser.
Apatheist Account2 4 months ago
Not her mother, not her responsibility. At best he can ask her advice or help, but it's not "Mother-in-Law's day". It actually has nothing to do with parents originally, it's about returning to the "mother church". Anyway, he's 100% wrong - if you're a couple, you don't get different individual presents.
J R 4 months ago
OP needs to run. This is the type of guy who will expect OP to plan every single holiday and birthday... but forget OP's birthday. Probably would expect Father's day gifts and then do nothing for OP when it's their turn to be celebrated.
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 4 months ago
Yup. He's a bullying entitled cheapskate freeloader. It's terribly considerate of him to tell you this before you're properly trapped. Listen to him, and run NOW.
Load More Replies... Janelle Collard 4 months ago
Oh yeah! The "momma's boy" and "you will be in charge of all gift giving" red flags are waving all over this relationship. Hope OP bailed on this loser.
Apatheist Account2 4 months ago
Not her mother, not her responsibility. At best he can ask her advice or help, but it's not "Mother-in-Law's day". It actually has nothing to do with parents originally, it's about returning to the "mother church". Anyway, he's 100% wrong - if you're a couple, you don't get different individual presents.
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