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97
Rottweiler Owner Asks If She’s Being Unreasonable To Want To Get Rid Of Fiancé’s Cats
There are dog people and there are cat people, and sometimes, they fall in love. Mumsnet user Ellie09 and her fiancé decided the next logical step in their relationship was to move in together. The plan made perfect sense: live in her rent-free home, save for the wedding, and build a future. But they quickly ran into a problem—blending pets. With a playful Rottweiler, two quiet cats, and a child with ASD, the couple’s happily-ever-after is suddenly full of fur, sneezes, and serious compromises.
RELATED:
For couples, moving in together is a big step
Image credits: Francesco Ungaro/Pexels (not the actual photo)
And when they need to blend multiple pets into the new household, the change might become even trickier
Image credits: cookie_studio/Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ellie09
There are multiple strategies for introducing dogs and cats, and with enough patience, it can be done
Image credits: Alexander Grey/Pexels (not the actual photo)
The couple isn’t necessarily doomed. There are many different ways to introduce a dog to a cat, according to Best Friends Animal Society, a leading national animal welfare organization dedicated to ending the killing of dogs and cats in America’s shelters. The main ones are:
- Slow and steady desensitization. According to the experts at Best Friends, if the dog is too fixated on the cat, you can try desensitization, the goal of which is to reduce the dog’s reaction to their new roommate by gradually increasing exposure.You can put the cat in a room (e.g., a bedroom, bathroom, or spare room) with a tall baby gate across the door. The room you choose should be one that the dog cannot access and doesn’t need to access. For instance, if the dog sleeps in the bedroom with you at night, pick a different room for the cat. The idea is to separate them and only allow them to view each other during specific times of the day. Give the cat all the necessary supplies in their room: a litter box, toys, food, and water. Don’t forget that cats are good at squeezing through small gaps and are also good climbers and jumpers, so make sure yours can’t get past the gate you put up. The gate needs to be a firm barrier that allows the cat and dog to see one another but does not allow them to access each other.To begin desensitization, let the dog view the cat briefly through the gate, and then draw the dog’s focus onto something else, such as playing with a toy or practicing commands. Sometimes, it helps to keep the dog on a leash so that you can move away from the cat when you try to refocus the dog’s attention. Praise and reward the dog for being able to focus elsewhere. Continue to give the dog short viewings of the cat throughout the day.Sometimes, even seeing the cat can be too exciting for certain dogs. If this is the case, close the door and begin feeding each animal on their side of the door: the cat eats in the room right next to the door, and the dog eats on the other side of the door. This allows each animal to associate the smells of the other with something good—food! You can also swap out the blankets and bedding of each animal, giving it to the other. That way, they can get used to each other’s smell without overstimulating either of them.Hopefully, through this process of slowly letting the dog see the cat and get accustomed to their presence, the dog will eventually become desensitized and lose interest in the cat. In some cases, the dog will lose interest in the cat within a couple of hours, but in others, it can take days, weeks, or even months. Each dog and each cat is different and will learn at their own pace.
- “Look at that.” If the quick introduction did not work and your dog is not becoming desensitized to the cat, you might need to try a more structured approach. By playing “look at that” (LAT) with your dog, you can help teach them not to fixate on the cat. Essentially, your dog will learn that it is more rewarding to not pay attention to the cat.To start, you need to figure out the dog’s threshold on the leash: at what point does the dog notice the cat but still respond to you when you say the dog’s name? That’s the dog’s threshold. Each dog has a different threshold. For one dog, 5 feet away from the cat might be the threshold, for another, it might be 25. You’ll know you have gone past the threshold when your dog starts barking or lunging at the cat, or if the dog starts moving more slowly, staring, and stiffening. If you call your dog’s name and don’t get a response, move them a few feet back from the cat.Once you’ve figured out the dog’s threshold, grab a clicker and some delicious treats. If you don’t have a clicker, a verbal marker, “Yes!” will work just fine. Put a handful of treats in your hand, and keep the bag close by for later.When you see the dog looking at the cat, click or use your verbal marker and offer a treat. The first few times, you might have to put the treat right in front of your dog’s nose, but fairly soon, your dog should start looking expectantly at you as soon as they hear the marker. That’s because the marker (either a clicker or “Yes!”) always means a treat is coming.Start waiting for your to come dog out, and only mark if your dog looks at the cat and then looks right back at you. If they do, either click or use the verbal marker when your dog looks at you, and then offer a treat. Only do this if your dog can remain calm and relaxed around your cat.Once your dog is reliably looking at the cat and then looking back at you, you can slowly start moving closer and closer to the cat. If the dog becomes fixated on the cat when you move closer, you’ve gone past the threshold and need to move away.
As you train your dog, the threshold will decrease, which means that the two of you will be able to move closer and closer to the cat. Continue practicing LAT with your dog until they can be right next to the cat without an issue. Again, how quickly your dog’s threshold decreases is hard to determine in advance and will depend on you (how much you practice and the types of treats you use), your dog (because every dog learns at a different pace), and your cat’s comfort level.
- Face-to-face introduction. This is a faster-paced introduction. One person should hold the dog on a loose leash and watch the dog’s body language while someone else watches the cat’s body language. If the cat is not raising their back or hissing around the dog, they can be allowed to move around. A cat is rarely a threat to a dog, but some cats will be on the offensive when meeting dogs, so both handlers need to stay engaged. If the dog is calm around the cat, you can ask the dog to sit (or lie down) and stay, if they’ve been taught those cues, while the cat moves about freely, sniffing the dog if they desire. The dog should be praised and rewarded for ignoring the cat. If the dog is too fixated on the cat (e.g., staring at the cat, has stiff body language, will not listen to you when you call their name) or if the dog lunges and tries to chase the cat, you should try a different strategy for getting them to share space, such as the slow and steady or “look at that” options.
Do not underestimate the effects of regular high-effort training.
However, the folks at Best Friends say it is possible that your dog might not ever be able to safely share space with a cat. If you don’t feel you can trust them around your cat one hundred percent, you should keep them apart. The number one priority should be ensuring that everyone stays safe.
People have had quite a few questions for the woman
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What do you think ?
VogueGal 6 months ago
He shouldn’t put his cats for adoption, nor should she ever give her dog up either. They need to break up and move on, all animals involved will be happy!
sturmwesen 6 months ago (edited)
yeah. as dog owner with cat allergy I wouldn't give up my dog or expect him to give up the cats. you either live in two flats, or split up.
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Crystalwitch60 6 months ago
Dam right. N no decent person would even suggest it of a person would they !
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Littlemiss 6 months ago
I refused to move across the world and leave my cat behind, so my husband who didn't have animals moved instead. We now 6 cats. Every time the cat distribution system kicks in he tells me to bring them home.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 months ago
My ex is allergic to cats and had a fear of large dogs. He'd never had pets other than fish and parakeets. When we first started dating, I had a 90-lb German Shepherd and a cat. I made it clear I was a package deal with my pets. It turns out you can actually build up a tolerance to specific cats/dogs if you are allergic to cats/dogs XD I also cleaned thoroughly and frequently and used air purifiers/filters in the house. My cat loved him and would often lay on his legs while we watched TV. Years later, we had two dogs and two cats together. When I moved back home, I left my gorgeous tuxedo boy (pictured) with my ex because my ex adores him and the tux adores him back. So, even if you "have allergies" to dogs or cats, it's *possible* to build up a tolerance to your partner's specific pets. Also, even older dogs can learn to get along with cats and vice versa! You just need to do proper, safe, slow introductions. preachyrea...3432e2.jpg 
Max Fox 6 months ago
You can also build up sensitivity. My wife was sensitized with our previous cat. We then got a mostly hypoallergenic cat, which neither my wife or kid had any reaction to initially. After five years, both were having allergic reactions. So the cat was banished from our kid's room, and my wife went through a desensitization treatment.
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G A 6 months ago
You are a complete hateful selfish beech. Your future husband is a fool if he marries you.
Lynne Walker 6 months ago
He had the cats for awhile, right? They are part of his life. You need to expect the entire package no matter what. This is a meal deal, not a la carte.
JB 6 months ago (edited)
I think OP is using “rehomed” instead of adopted, which is causing confusion. Before the relationship started, she had adopted a rottie that used to live with a cat but OP never had a cat herself. One year into the relationship with BF, he adopts 2 kittens, which is when OP discovers her allergy. It can be controlled using antihistamines, probably store bought, which would mean her reactions are mild to moderate (severe reactions require prescription meds). So, I see no reason why she can’t do what my friend does: he has a dog he adores but is allergic to, so he takes a 24-hr antihistamine every day. This leaves the complexities of blending the pets and training the cats to stay out of the bedrooms. Blending shouldn’t be as hard for the dog as she has lived with a cat before. The cats may take a little time to adjust but so long as pup pays little attention to them it’s not that bad (been there done that). The cats are 2, training them isn’t as hard as people imagine; I trained mine to sit and wait patiently for food. Even easier is training the humans to shut the bedroom doors at all times. However, OP also has a special needs kid who must take up a lot of her mental and emotional bandwidth. Plus they’re planning the wedding and BF moving in. It’s a lot! Erring on the side of empathy, I think OP is overwhelmed and clutching at a simpler for her solution but acknowledges there’s no way she’d give up her dog. I kinda feel she just needs someone to talk her down and suggest at least trying first, starting with taking pup over to BFs rather than trying to do it all at once.
LauraDragonWench 6 months ago
Dogs don't come before cats, cats don't come before dogs - either accept all or none, there is no other compromise. If that means living apart for a few more years, then that's what's happening.
Paul Sloan 6 months ago
As i cat owner myself, the only logical solution is to find a new fiancé.
Emilu 6 months ago
Yeah… don’t move in together. I have to take daily antihistamines because of my cockatiels (they’re dustier than the rest of my house, which is saying something), but they’re worth it. If any potential partner told me to rehome them I’d thank them for self-selecting out of my dating pool and then kindly ask them to eff off.
sweet emotion 6 months ago
Cats take precedence over allergic girlfriends and dogs.....every time.
Smeghead Tribble Down Under 6 months ago
If anyone even HINTED at me getting rid of my cats they'd be out on their a*se that fast it'd make the Flash look lethargic. Especailly for the sake of some rotten dog.
Kira Okah 6 months ago
I am autistic, and was raised with a dog and six housecats in a 3 bed terrace. That space is not too small nor the situation unmanageable in that perspective. You're dating someone with pets, the pets are part of the package. If you're going to be unreasonable about something that you already know is part of the deal, maybe you actually need to sit down, think, ad talk.
zxj7rfyqqw 6 months ago
So keep things as they are living separately, you keep your dog, he keeps his cats. Then when your dog passes away move in. You said above your dog only has a few years max left. There is no way I’d be rehoming my cats in this situation (YTA). So yeah either stay living apart until things change or split up.
Mark Childers 6 months ago
I have a ton of allergies, even to cats. I have cats and always have. They're incredibly intelligent, creative, silly, loving, affectionate, and silly creatures that only add to our lives. I love them enough to deal with my allergies, like antihistamines. I'm allergic to everything else, so it's not going out of my way. I would rather sneeze and wheeze all day than give up my cats. Pets are family. They're not disposable.
Pieter LeGrande 6 months ago
Train the dog to ignore (or maybe even like) the cat. If the German Shepherd dog trainers can do it with more than a dozen dogs, surely OP can do it with one. Of course training the cat to ignore the dog might be harder.
Robyn Hill 6 months ago
Her dog has several more years to live, so the idea that he’s a senior at 6 is really misleading. She seems to have no regard for her fiancé. Why is he with her?!
Bi.Felicia 6 months ago (edited)
I'm really confused if OP is even allergic. The part where she says that her Rottie has lived with a cat as a puppy, until OP rehomed the cat, so it seems that she was able to live with a cat before. Then shortly after her fiance gets his cats, she becomes allergic to them. I know allergies can happen randomly but it seems as if her symptoms are quite mild and she's ok if she takes a antihistamine. I don't like how OPs only solution is for her fiance to get rid of his cats, she's being unreasonable.
Somebodys grandmother 6 months ago
She got allergy!! OMG! The only problem is that they haven't sorted that out!
FreeTheUnicorn 6 months ago
I'm allergic to cats, my partner had a cat when we moved in together. Antihistamines and a bed cover (we put a duvet cover on a tarp), wash your couch cover and open windows when you can, it's fine. The animals will get used to each othe, but there will always be an adjustment period and a lot will depend on how calm the humans are. But it sounds like OP doesn't want to move in, and she needs to be an adult and address this.
sturmwesen 6 months ago
it depends on cat and person. my father could live with a cat in the dessert but home in Germany he was very asthmatic with every cat. I did ok with different breeds in one room visiting a shelter but most European Shorthaired / Housecats leave me reaching for my inhaler. Pro tip: if you are convinced you need a cat get an adult one. The protein for the allergy often is more in adults and you wouldn't want to rehome your former kitten
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LA Murphy 6 months ago
Anyone who would even consider asking this before they even tried to integrate the pets shows she is selfish and inconsiderate. Rottweilers are usually very loving dogs who get along with other pets after the initial novelty wears off. My boss had one that would play Mom to abandoned kittens and one gosling.
Re dacted (Ace) 6 months ago
If the rotty is 'at the end of her life as OP claims', then wait until she passes before moving in together. Allergies are not a reason to abandon an animal you made a commitment to, unless deadly, and if deadly, then it is a reason to break up. Take medication and get over yourself.
Lupita Nyong'heaux 6 months ago
yeahhh, girl, iomeen no harm, but f**k you frfr. either y'all agree to love each other but live separately (which def works great in some relationships) or y'all break up amicably now, cuz whet? dafuq is you talmbout????
whiterabbit 6 months ago
Anyone who would give up a pet for a person has no business having a pet in the first place. I would automatically break up with someone for even suggesting it.
Mike F 6 months ago
This is indicative of how life will be for them in the future. Instead of "let's work this out" it's gonna be "this is too much for... or... so it HAS to be this way" which translated, means her way without any attempt at compromise. From the outside looking in I'd say maintain separate homes. More expensive but much less conflict and future resentment. And, if she is allergic to the cats, having them in the living area of the house would be intolerable.
Bamamom2boys 6 months ago
We have dogs and cats. I found out a few years ago that I am very allergic to cats. I have to have weekly shots. I kept the cats. However, they are no longer allowed in my bedroom. I always keep the doors closed. I couldn't imagine having to give up any of my animals.
Carney 6 months ago
Here's my read: you are not ready to move in with one another. In fact, you may not be ready to move in with anyone. You are being incredibly selfish and blind to your perspective partner's needs and desires. If your dog cannot get along with cats, then it is YOU who has the problem, not the cats or their owner. I've had dogs and cats (and lots of other animals) my entire life. My dogs (German Shepherds and a Pit Bull) get along great with the cats and always have. Much of what goes on between the two animals is about us, not the animal. If you are truly your pet's leader, then they will follow your rules without constant correction. If your dog is not under your control, then yes you will have issues, but not just with the cats. It is up to YOU to be in charge and to teach manners. If you are not willing to be in charge and establish rules in your household, then you are not yet ready to live with anyone.
Crystalwitch60 6 months ago
That man needs to run !! Your ott entitled sorry but really , also why the hell isn’t your dog allowed on the bed or furniture 🤬do you make your child sleep on the bloody floor ! I’m a dog owner a rottie x cane corso and a pure staffie , both rescues , n they sleep on my bed or my daughters and the sofa to ! I lost my huge pure German rottie three yrs ago now from cancer aged 12 , n my old rottie x ddb in 2017 age 13 ! From osteosarcoma 6 is NOT nearing the end of her life ! , I also have owned cts to I don’t at min but i did , ok allergies ok but if taking a bloody tablet is all it takes to solve the issue 🤷♀️ffs woman up n get a grip !! PETS ARE FAMILY NOT DISPOSABLE I’ve worked in rescue ! n tbh lol allergies was a common reason for dumping their animals ! ie don’t want em any more tbh , ok yes some are really really bad , but if u say u just need to take a tablet then its not gonna k**l you ffs you just do not want the cats face it , admit it n let that poor bloke find a human
Crystalwitch60 6 months ago
Girlfriend cos u op are inhuman it’s all ME ME ME ME !!!! you are a living nightmare m, n this is coming from a 60 yr old woman n mum n had dogs n cats all my life ! NEVER ASK A PARTNER TO GET RID OF THEIR BELOVED FURBABIES !!! it does not end well ! pets are FAMILY N FAMILY IS FOR LIFE !!He is better of with out YOU , for once I’m YTA !!
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Orysha 6 months ago (edited)
Op is the reddest flag of the multiverse right now. If someone asks you to choose between your pets or themselves always choose the pets I hope her fiancè has seen the light (the big blinking one and the noise of red alerts), since she seems to be allergic she shoudn't think about moving together no medication is powerful enough.
CF 6 months ago
I am so grateful most of the commenters on reddit saw sense. Not having a great night at work after very little sleep yesterday, and the thought of the poor cats getting their lives so disrupted (whether moving in with this woman, not to mention a dog and child, or being rehomed) made my stomach hurt. I absolutely agree these ppl should not move in together at least until the dog is gone if the pets don't get along. I gave up on restarting a relationship with an ex (an ex from early college and long-term friend- only broke up due to our young age, etc) bc he loves Rottweilers and is very involved with rottie rescue. I have several cats and am very involved with cat rescue.
Paul Rabit 6 months ago
Oh I know I'll be downvoted to oblivion... and I don't care. This is so cut and dry. Pets - while important and individual and deserving of compassion - are not people. They just aren't. In fairness, Boyfriend should never have taken in animals OP was allergic to in the first place, but here they are. If boyfriend loves the pets, he can work really hard to find them a wonderful new family, but it's beyond ridiculous to insist that OP should either break up her human relationship or spend the foreseeable future on allergy medication to accommodate two cats. Silliness.
Sue Ellen Bowen 6 months ago (edited)
She had a cat but re-homed it after she got her dog. How is it she's just now finding out she's allergic to his cats? Why wasn't she allergic to the cat before? I think the new found cat allergy is an excuse to get rid of his cats. Since both of them have re-homed pets, they should stick to a pet rock and forget about getting married. They obviously don't understand what commitment is. Especially the commitment they made to those animals when they adopted them.
Beth Wheeler 6 months ago
If somebody told me that I had to give away my 13 1/2 yo cat or my almost 6 yo dogs (brother & sister from the same litter) they would be told no. If I had to give the cat away for an extreme reason there are 2 people that would take her for me. It would be a lot harder with the dogs. One person does have a fenced back yard that would need to be taller. Her house is tiny and my dogs are 80 and 100 lbs. The other person is 82 and the dogs are very strong if one of them decides to pull on the leash. They also think they are lap dogs and climb in the recliner with us sometimes.
J. Maxx 6 months ago
I believe most of these stories are psychological tests. Just like those ridiculous games where you have to help the woman and baby from freezing or the king from being crushed. Most of the games on Facebook are for psychological testing, and folks don't even know it. Oh, and QUIZES & TESTS. A lot of sites offer them, and the API they use sends the data back to the company providing the games.
Ge Po 6 months ago
Her question was whether she would be an A to ask. No. It's allowed to ask. She may be an A, depending on her reaction if the answer is 'no.' One is allowed to ask and she does mention her hesitation in case the question was reversed.
Ace 6 months ago
No, she was asking if it was unreasonable, and despite using the word 'ask' it was clear that she really meant 'expect'.
Load More Replies... VogueGal 6 months ago
He shouldn’t put his cats for adoption, nor should she ever give her dog up either. They need to break up and move on, all animals involved will be happy!
sturmwesen 6 months ago (edited)
yeah. as dog owner with cat allergy I wouldn't give up my dog or expect him to give up the cats. you either live in two flats, or split up.
Load More Replies... Crystalwitch60 6 months ago
Dam right. N no decent person would even suggest it of a person would they !
Load More Replies... Littlemiss 6 months ago
I refused to move across the world and leave my cat behind, so my husband who didn't have animals moved instead. We now 6 cats. Every time the cat distribution system kicks in he tells me to bring them home.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 months ago
My ex is allergic to cats and had a fear of large dogs. He'd never had pets other than fish and parakeets. When we first started dating, I had a 90-lb German Shepherd and a cat. I made it clear I was a package deal with my pets. It turns out you can actually build up a tolerance to specific cats/dogs if you are allergic to cats/dogs XD I also cleaned thoroughly and frequently and used air purifiers/filters in the house. My cat loved him and would often lay on his legs while we watched TV. Years later, we had two dogs and two cats together. When I moved back home, I left my gorgeous tuxedo boy (pictured) with my ex because my ex adores him and the tux adores him back. So, even if you "have allergies" to dogs or cats, it's *possible* to build up a tolerance to your partner's specific pets. Also, even older dogs can learn to get along with cats and vice versa! You just need to do proper, safe, slow introductions. preachyrea...3432e2.jpg
Max Fox 6 months ago
You can also build up sensitivity. My wife was sensitized with our previous cat. We then got a mostly hypoallergenic cat, which neither my wife or kid had any reaction to initially. After five years, both were having allergic reactions. So the cat was banished from our kid's room, and my wife went through a desensitization treatment.
Load More Replies... G A 6 months ago
You are a complete hateful selfish beech. Your future husband is a fool if he marries you.
Lynne Walker 6 months ago
He had the cats for awhile, right? They are part of his life. You need to expect the entire package no matter what. This is a meal deal, not a la carte.
JB 6 months ago (edited)
I think OP is using “rehomed” instead of adopted, which is causing confusion. Before the relationship started, she had adopted a rottie that used to live with a cat but OP never had a cat herself. One year into the relationship with BF, he adopts 2 kittens, which is when OP discovers her allergy. It can be controlled using antihistamines, probably store bought, which would mean her reactions are mild to moderate (severe reactions require prescription meds). So, I see no reason why she can’t do what my friend does: he has a dog he adores but is allergic to, so he takes a 24-hr antihistamine every day. This leaves the complexities of blending the pets and training the cats to stay out of the bedrooms. Blending shouldn’t be as hard for the dog as she has lived with a cat before. The cats may take a little time to adjust but so long as pup pays little attention to them it’s not that bad (been there done that). The cats are 2, training them isn’t as hard as people imagine; I trained mine to sit and wait patiently for food. Even easier is training the humans to shut the bedroom doors at all times. However, OP also has a special needs kid who must take up a lot of her mental and emotional bandwidth. Plus they’re planning the wedding and BF moving in. It’s a lot! Erring on the side of empathy, I think OP is overwhelmed and clutching at a simpler for her solution but acknowledges there’s no way she’d give up her dog. I kinda feel she just needs someone to talk her down and suggest at least trying first, starting with taking pup over to BFs rather than trying to do it all at once.
LauraDragonWench 6 months ago
Dogs don't come before cats, cats don't come before dogs - either accept all or none, there is no other compromise. If that means living apart for a few more years, then that's what's happening.
Paul Sloan 6 months ago
As i cat owner myself, the only logical solution is to find a new fiancé.
Emilu 6 months ago
Yeah… don’t move in together. I have to take daily antihistamines because of my cockatiels (they’re dustier than the rest of my house, which is saying something), but they’re worth it. If any potential partner told me to rehome them I’d thank them for self-selecting out of my dating pool and then kindly ask them to eff off.
sweet emotion 6 months ago
Cats take precedence over allergic girlfriends and dogs.....every time.
Smeghead Tribble Down Under 6 months ago
If anyone even HINTED at me getting rid of my cats they'd be out on their a*se that fast it'd make the Flash look lethargic. Especailly for the sake of some rotten dog.
Kira Okah 6 months ago
I am autistic, and was raised with a dog and six housecats in a 3 bed terrace. That space is not too small nor the situation unmanageable in that perspective. You're dating someone with pets, the pets are part of the package. If you're going to be unreasonable about something that you already know is part of the deal, maybe you actually need to sit down, think, ad talk.
zxj7rfyqqw 6 months ago
So keep things as they are living separately, you keep your dog, he keeps his cats. Then when your dog passes away move in. You said above your dog only has a few years max left. There is no way I’d be rehoming my cats in this situation (YTA). So yeah either stay living apart until things change or split up.
Mark Childers 6 months ago
I have a ton of allergies, even to cats. I have cats and always have. They're incredibly intelligent, creative, silly, loving, affectionate, and silly creatures that only add to our lives. I love them enough to deal with my allergies, like antihistamines. I'm allergic to everything else, so it's not going out of my way. I would rather sneeze and wheeze all day than give up my cats. Pets are family. They're not disposable.
Pieter LeGrande 6 months ago
Train the dog to ignore (or maybe even like) the cat. If the German Shepherd dog trainers can do it with more than a dozen dogs, surely OP can do it with one. Of course training the cat to ignore the dog might be harder.
Robyn Hill 6 months ago
Her dog has several more years to live, so the idea that he’s a senior at 6 is really misleading. She seems to have no regard for her fiancé. Why is he with her?!
Bi.Felicia 6 months ago (edited)
I'm really confused if OP is even allergic. The part where she says that her Rottie has lived with a cat as a puppy, until OP rehomed the cat, so it seems that she was able to live with a cat before. Then shortly after her fiance gets his cats, she becomes allergic to them. I know allergies can happen randomly but it seems as if her symptoms are quite mild and she's ok if she takes a antihistamine. I don't like how OPs only solution is for her fiance to get rid of his cats, she's being unreasonable.
Somebodys grandmother 6 months ago
She got allergy!! OMG! The only problem is that they haven't sorted that out!
FreeTheUnicorn 6 months ago
I'm allergic to cats, my partner had a cat when we moved in together. Antihistamines and a bed cover (we put a duvet cover on a tarp), wash your couch cover and open windows when you can, it's fine. The animals will get used to each othe, but there will always be an adjustment period and a lot will depend on how calm the humans are. But it sounds like OP doesn't want to move in, and she needs to be an adult and address this.
sturmwesen 6 months ago
it depends on cat and person. my father could live with a cat in the dessert but home in Germany he was very asthmatic with every cat. I did ok with different breeds in one room visiting a shelter but most European Shorthaired / Housecats leave me reaching for my inhaler. Pro tip: if you are convinced you need a cat get an adult one. The protein for the allergy often is more in adults and you wouldn't want to rehome your former kitten
Load More Replies... LA Murphy 6 months ago
Anyone who would even consider asking this before they even tried to integrate the pets shows she is selfish and inconsiderate. Rottweilers are usually very loving dogs who get along with other pets after the initial novelty wears off. My boss had one that would play Mom to abandoned kittens and one gosling.
Re dacted (Ace) 6 months ago
If the rotty is 'at the end of her life as OP claims', then wait until she passes before moving in together. Allergies are not a reason to abandon an animal you made a commitment to, unless deadly, and if deadly, then it is a reason to break up. Take medication and get over yourself.
Lupita Nyong'heaux 6 months ago
yeahhh, girl, iomeen no harm, but f**k you frfr. either y'all agree to love each other but live separately (which def works great in some relationships) or y'all break up amicably now, cuz whet? dafuq is you talmbout????
whiterabbit 6 months ago
Anyone who would give up a pet for a person has no business having a pet in the first place. I would automatically break up with someone for even suggesting it.
Mike F 6 months ago
This is indicative of how life will be for them in the future. Instead of "let's work this out" it's gonna be "this is too much for... or... so it HAS to be this way" which translated, means her way without any attempt at compromise. From the outside looking in I'd say maintain separate homes. More expensive but much less conflict and future resentment. And, if she is allergic to the cats, having them in the living area of the house would be intolerable.
Bamamom2boys 6 months ago
We have dogs and cats. I found out a few years ago that I am very allergic to cats. I have to have weekly shots. I kept the cats. However, they are no longer allowed in my bedroom. I always keep the doors closed. I couldn't imagine having to give up any of my animals.
Carney 6 months ago
Here's my read: you are not ready to move in with one another. In fact, you may not be ready to move in with anyone. You are being incredibly selfish and blind to your perspective partner's needs and desires. If your dog cannot get along with cats, then it is YOU who has the problem, not the cats or their owner. I've had dogs and cats (and lots of other animals) my entire life. My dogs (German Shepherds and a Pit Bull) get along great with the cats and always have. Much of what goes on between the two animals is about us, not the animal. If you are truly your pet's leader, then they will follow your rules without constant correction. If your dog is not under your control, then yes you will have issues, but not just with the cats. It is up to YOU to be in charge and to teach manners. If you are not willing to be in charge and establish rules in your household, then you are not yet ready to live with anyone.
Crystalwitch60 6 months ago
That man needs to run !! Your ott entitled sorry but really , also why the hell isn’t your dog allowed on the bed or furniture 🤬do you make your child sleep on the bloody floor ! I’m a dog owner a rottie x cane corso and a pure staffie , both rescues , n they sleep on my bed or my daughters and the sofa to ! I lost my huge pure German rottie three yrs ago now from cancer aged 12 , n my old rottie x ddb in 2017 age 13 ! From osteosarcoma 6 is NOT nearing the end of her life ! , I also have owned cts to I don’t at min but i did , ok allergies ok but if taking a bloody tablet is all it takes to solve the issue 🤷♀️ffs woman up n get a grip !! PETS ARE FAMILY NOT DISPOSABLE I’ve worked in rescue ! n tbh lol allergies was a common reason for dumping their animals ! ie don’t want em any more tbh , ok yes some are really really bad , but if u say u just need to take a tablet then its not gonna k**l you ffs you just do not want the cats face it , admit it n let that poor bloke find a human
Crystalwitch60 6 months ago
Girlfriend cos u op are inhuman it’s all ME ME ME ME !!!! you are a living nightmare m, n this is coming from a 60 yr old woman n mum n had dogs n cats all my life ! NEVER ASK A PARTNER TO GET RID OF THEIR BELOVED FURBABIES !!! it does not end well ! pets are FAMILY N FAMILY IS FOR LIFE !!He is better of with out YOU , for once I’m YTA !!
Load More Replies... Orysha 6 months ago (edited)
Op is the reddest flag of the multiverse right now. If someone asks you to choose between your pets or themselves always choose the pets I hope her fiancè has seen the light (the big blinking one and the noise of red alerts), since she seems to be allergic she shoudn't think about moving together no medication is powerful enough.
CF 6 months ago
I am so grateful most of the commenters on reddit saw sense. Not having a great night at work after very little sleep yesterday, and the thought of the poor cats getting their lives so disrupted (whether moving in with this woman, not to mention a dog and child, or being rehomed) made my stomach hurt. I absolutely agree these ppl should not move in together at least until the dog is gone if the pets don't get along. I gave up on restarting a relationship with an ex (an ex from early college and long-term friend- only broke up due to our young age, etc) bc he loves Rottweilers and is very involved with rottie rescue. I have several cats and am very involved with cat rescue.
Paul Rabit 6 months ago
Oh I know I'll be downvoted to oblivion... and I don't care. This is so cut and dry. Pets - while important and individual and deserving of compassion - are not people. They just aren't. In fairness, Boyfriend should never have taken in animals OP was allergic to in the first place, but here they are. If boyfriend loves the pets, he can work really hard to find them a wonderful new family, but it's beyond ridiculous to insist that OP should either break up her human relationship or spend the foreseeable future on allergy medication to accommodate two cats. Silliness.
Sue Ellen Bowen 6 months ago (edited)
She had a cat but re-homed it after she got her dog. How is it she's just now finding out she's allergic to his cats? Why wasn't she allergic to the cat before? I think the new found cat allergy is an excuse to get rid of his cats. Since both of them have re-homed pets, they should stick to a pet rock and forget about getting married. They obviously don't understand what commitment is. Especially the commitment they made to those animals when they adopted them.
Beth Wheeler 6 months ago
If somebody told me that I had to give away my 13 1/2 yo cat or my almost 6 yo dogs (brother & sister from the same litter) they would be told no. If I had to give the cat away for an extreme reason there are 2 people that would take her for me. It would be a lot harder with the dogs. One person does have a fenced back yard that would need to be taller. Her house is tiny and my dogs are 80 and 100 lbs. The other person is 82 and the dogs are very strong if one of them decides to pull on the leash. They also think they are lap dogs and climb in the recliner with us sometimes.
J. Maxx 6 months ago
I believe most of these stories are psychological tests. Just like those ridiculous games where you have to help the woman and baby from freezing or the king from being crushed. Most of the games on Facebook are for psychological testing, and folks don't even know it. Oh, and QUIZES & TESTS. A lot of sites offer them, and the API they use sends the data back to the company providing the games.
Ge Po 6 months ago
Her question was whether she would be an A to ask. No. It's allowed to ask. She may be an A, depending on her reaction if the answer is 'no.' One is allowed to ask and she does mention her hesitation in case the question was reversed.
Ace 6 months ago
No, she was asking if it was unreasonable, and despite using the word 'ask' it was clear that she really meant 'expect'.
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