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Marriage requires a huge amount of commitment. You have to be there for your partner in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, and ideally, until the end of your life. But we all know that life is unpredictable. And sometimes, instead of staying in a situation where you’re miserable for the rest of your life, it takes even more strength to admit that things simply aren’t working.
Netizens have recently been opening up on Reddit about the final straws in their marriages that led to them getting a divorce. From simply growing apart to realizing that they would be happier alone, these stories might break your heart. But we hope that they will also serve as reminders that it’s never too late to choose yourself, as you deserve happiness, with or without a spouse.
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#1
Got home from work in different scrubs that I left in. She accused me of cheating and wouldn’t accept any other explanation (not the first time she accused me). My patient threw up on me so I changed into OR scrubs. She didn’t like the story so she smashed my phone and computer. I grabbed some clothes, took the dog, and left. Been happily divorced from her for 10 years.
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#2
When I realized i was happier alone in a grocery store than with her in the house.
#3
I cut my hand quite badly (accidentally of course), and called him and asked if he could possibly leave work 10 minutes early… or at the very least come straight home to take me to emergency. He was working the late shift. He said he couldn’t leave early and he had plans to go see live music at a nearby spot with a bunch of the guys. He asked if the cut was really that bad and couldn’t I just drive myself.
Blood had literally spurted up and stained the front of the upper cabinets, I had bled through a dish towel. I ended up calling my parents and my dad came and took me to ER. I had to get 15 stitches and partially cut my tendon (or ligament). So yes it was that bad… and it was also the moment I realized how bad my marriage was. I left him about 3 months later and I am now married to a wonderful man.
#4
The ball got rolling when I went to an appointment and the receptionist said that I looked a lot sadder when I left than I did when I came in. I knew it was because I was dreading going home to him.
Then, shortly after that, I miscarried and he told me to stop crying and act like a normal person. He refused to take me to the hospital, so I took myself, went to my mother's house after I got out, and hired the attorney.
KatSaidThat 11 hours ago (edited)
Crying after a miscarriage IS normal behaviour. What is a red flag for socio/psychopathy is telling someone to not.
#5
This was 30 years ago. I woke my husband up and said I needed to go to the hospital. I had felt sick all day and my side hurt. He told me he wasn't going to take me to the hospital to run up a bill. I got myself and my 6 mo old daughter and drove to her babysitters. I about collapsed on her front step.
Well, by now you've figured out I had a hot appendix. He didnt come to the hospital until AFTER I had it taken out. Yeah, I was gone 2 weeks later.
#6
We had been saving to move into town. Came home all proud with a new truck. All the bells and whistles. Like 80 grand.. this was back in late 2000's. I knew then he told me what i wanted to hear and did what he wanted. It took me another 2 years to leave . One day he went to work and I packed a u haul. I love my new life.
#7
When he drank so much and so often that he was often blackout drunk - would say and do things to me - then argue and insult me when I confronted him the next day. I begged him to stop drinking. Ignored. He would come home blackout drunk and fall asleep in his uniform. I would have to make excuses to the kids about why daddy is sleeping on the floor in the hallway. - in his uniform with his hat still on drooling. Then he would yell at me for not taking him to bed. One day I realized he wasn’t working on his car in the garage in the evenings. He had many hidden bottles and refilled wine boxes filled with scotch. I was done.
I left him 45 years ago but that trauma is still like yesterday.
Everyday I am grateful for my loving husband of 33 years. A loving, sober, funny man that married me with 4 kids and raised my kids as his own. He stayed when I got disabled from a neuromuscular disease.
It is NOT worth staying. You deserve love and respect.
#8
When he told me he couldn’t yell at me anymore since someone we knew was moving in upstairs.. it was clear no matter what efforts I put forth he isn’t changing. So I did :).
#9
When my gastroenterologist told me ' I am not supposed to give marital advice, but I highly recommend you leave your husband before the stress takes you out.' This was after months of mysterious abdominal pain (which almost resulted in an unnecessary appendectomy) as well a colonoscopy to try and determine the cause. After the colonoscopy came back clean, he sat me down and asked what else was going on and I broke down about the emotional and psychological torment that I had been experiencing for years. I took his advice and the pain mysteriously stopped.
#10
She got a flat in the middle of a rainy night on a small shoulder, was prone to UTI’s so I had her take my car since she was complaining about having to pee while on the phone with her earlier. Pitch black, raining, on a small shoulder in the middle of rush hour.
After replacing the tire, I throw my back out - the kind that makes you so immobile, the spasms knock you to the ground. Get home, my back just gets worse and immediately climbed into bed asking her to grab a heating pad.
Not only did she say “No,” but she complained about doing it and couldn’t be bothered.
#11
My ex saw my promotion as an excuse to stop working. He didn't do anything at home either like cooking, cleaning, or mowing the lawn. I begged him to go back to work or just do SOMETHING productive with his time and he looked directly at me and said "or else what?".
#12
We were already on the verge of divorce for a number of reasons, largely boiling down to his untreated depression which turns into anger issues which turns into fighting with absolutely everyone over absolutely everything. We had been separated but he kept begging for one more chance.
I came home from a 12 hour workday and found the youngest kiddo sobbing hysterically on the floor with the oldest trying to comfort him while also glaring at my ex. I asked what was going on. Oldest and middle were going to walk to the pool. At the time, oldest was old enough to be at the pool alone but not old enough to supervise youngest by the pools rules. Youngest had to have an adult.
Ex was sitting in his recliner, doom scrolling as usual, and had apparently been home for hours. He'd been asked to go to the pool by youngest, but he bluntly refused. He wasn't about to get up and go doom scroll his phone from the pool so the youngest could go swim with his brothers. So youngest was just sobbing because he wanted to go swim with his siblings and ex was just sitting in a recliner, scrolling his phone and watching him cry, with absolutely no emotion or empathy. He did not care. He was not about to get up to do something with his little boy.
This was a man who had literally just been living in a different state from the kids for 5 months prior to this - not seeing them at all - and who claimed he desperately missed us and wanted to be back together as a family. Who begged and pleaded constantly for one more chance.
I picked kid up, took them to the pool and called my friend who had offered me a dirt cheap rental house on the other side of our new state a week earlier and told her I'd take it. I moved out with all three kids and filed the divorce.
#13
He told me he wasn’t going to work on his anger issues, that they are a part of who he is and I had to accept it.
I did not.
#14
An unplanned pregnancy due to a birth control failure.
There were a lot of talks about what should happen because we were both pro-choice, but didn’t want kids, but also felt like having an abortion was something we didn’t want to do. We both had good, stable jobs, owned our home and it just felt like we could give a child a good life, but we just never wanted kids.
Then around week 9, I had a miscarriage, but my body didn’t expel the pregnancy (ie: incomplete abortion) and I had to have a D&C. My ex set his own schedule and worked from home, yet the day of the D&C he suddenly had to go to the office and have an in-person meeting.
He took me to my procedure, took me home after discharge and said he had to leave. When I objected he said, “You’re a nurse, you’ll know if you need help” and he left.
In my most vulnerable time, my spouse deserted me. It was definitely the last straw, but it still took me a bit to actually leave him.
#16
When he had 12 hours to vacuum and sweep the downstairs and empty the dishwasher before I got home and didn't. After years of begging for love and consideration. I knew when I got home and 3 simple chores hadn't been done that he didn't care about me or our life like he claimed to and I was done sacrificing myself and my needs.
#17
I came home one day and the wifey was sitting at her vanity putting on her makeup. I asked "what's the occasion?" Without looking away from her mirror, she said "I have a date". 🤷🏻♂️.
OnlySometimes 9 hours ago
How is this not cheating? Note - current BP title is "47 Things People’s Spouses Did That Wasn’t Cheating That Made Them Contact A Divorce Lawyer".
#18
My first husband believed that once the ring was on the finger, he didn't need to make any effort. At all. Bad with money, ran up credit cards, didn't pay bills, was so lazy that the neighbors would come out to help me do chores because they knew he was useless. Gained a lot of weight, had really bad hygiene and fancied himself a "rugged mountain man" who could survive in the wilderness (major LOL). At some point, I realized I might as well be alone, since I did everything and paid for everything and he contributed Nothing.
#19
When I was choking on a chicken bone and he wouldn't help me.
DennyS (denzoren) 3 hours ago
Imagine choking and the one person around you thought would help you, didn't. If I survived I was leaving there immediately.
#20
"Nice Guy" who was a nonconfrontational people pleaser. He constantly put the family into financial straits by changing jobs, giving people "loans" they never paid back, buying broken cars etc. I finally had enough after one of his "big ideas" backfired big time. I couldn't parent a 40 year old man.
#21
He came back from deployment and destroyed my garden with his hammer because he “thought it was ugly”. No chance of recovering after that.
astheshadowsfall 16 hours ago
Deployment traumatizes. Does not give license to traumatize others. Get help.
#22
When I realized I was doing all the house work, cooking all the meals, making all of the decisions, paying all the bills, and taking all the blame for anything that went wrong.
When I say all, I mean ALL.
#23
He made it increasingly clear that he held me in contempt. He would make up opinions for me and then contemptuously rip them apart, even though they were never actually my own opinions. They were just opinions that he felt I had.
One night we went to a concert. We were having a little trouble finding our seats and finally, he stared at me with disgust and stomped off. I eventually found the seats and there he was, in another big mood. After the concert, we were walking down a dark alley back to the car and he stomped off 15 or 20 feet in front of me. For some reason, I always look back on that as the night our marriage ended, watching him stride ahead of me down that dark street, although it took several more months for it to actually finish.
The very last day was the morning I came down, he was still asleep, and he had very prominently left out a handwritten list of our assets. I had taken my stuff, and was gone by that afternoon.
#24
I begged him to go to therapy with me or at least have an open conversation about our relationship. He told me no, that everything wrong in our marriage was my fault and i had to agree to do things his way. I filed for divorce shortly after that. I loved him so much, but there was no way forward after that.
#25
He told me that he knew I wasn't good enough for him on our wedding day.
DennyS (denzoren) 9 hours ago
Why say it on the wedding day though...that's really messed up. Say it before...well I guess that was the point, trap her and then say it.
#26
He bought himself a new computer after “forgetting” my birthday. This was about 27 years ago. Happily remarried to a wonderful man for 20 years.
DennyS (denzoren) 9 hours ago
I'm always happy to see when stories end with them ending up with someone much better.
#27
I came home from a week in the hospital on a Friday. On Saturday, he was out for a few hours working out. I asked him if he would please hang out with me when he got back. I said I didn't care what we did, but that I wasn't doing well and I was scared to be alone. He said oh absolutely, yes, he would be there for me.
Then, when he got home: "Actually I forgot the Mavericks game was on tonight, you care if I watch that instead?" He could only watch it from his office. No room for me.
The complete disregard for me - not just my happiness, but my actuall well-being - just rocked me. I remember feeling dizzy and suddenly nothing felt real. I went for a drive and parked somewhere and sobbed. I had been feeling so alone in that relationship, and I thought that surely being in the hospital would bring some change, even short-lived. But it did not. My sister still had to convince me to leave him, but I was ready to consider it at that point.
#28
I carried that marriage for 10 years, she never did a thing, just always along for the ride.
I finally told her that I wasn't happy and I want her to do one thing. Just one thing for our relationship. Pick a book for us to read together, set a counseling session up, plan a couple's getaway, anything that could help the relationship.
She didn't. I left.
DennyS (denzoren) 3 hours ago (edited)
I think if I ever get married, she's got to be someone that reads, so we can like read books and talk about it or read the same books etc. cause like, it'll be nice to have stuff to talk about and just enjoy a mutual thing.
#29
When he started getting interested in my daughters friends.She wasn't even 10. It was seriously disgusting.
#30
I got married at 20 and he deployed at 24. When he came back, our roommate was going to move out and let us live the married life. I remember thinking - you’re gonna leave me here alone with him?! That was the wake up call.
DennyS (denzoren) 3 hours ago
Man Down...while it was poorly rated and a lot of people don't like Shia...was a great movie about PTSD and how it affected the guys returning from active duty.
#31
I was talking to her about a way in which I was trying to help afford rent (she was not contributing at all and also had mounting credit debt from partying) and she interrupted me to say “I don’t care”.
#32
We spent a month apart, where I went and stayed with my sister, and as soon as I returned home, I wanted to be gone again. I'd forgotten what living in the disapproval zone felt like.
#33
My ex told me I wasn’t a getting a card/gift for Valentine’s Day because I didn’t earn it. I lost it and left that summer. He was a controlling jerk and our very last fight was about where I placed the trashcan in my car.
#34
He moved me out of our small town (where I had a business) to a big city so that he could go to school. I was devastated to leave, but was supportive of this change for his career. 3 months later he told me that he changed his mind about school, and was already on the second round of interviews for a new job in another state without telling me.
Oh, and he told me that if ICE asked him about his undocumented friend, he wasn’t sure whether he’d rat him out or not. Immediate divorce proceedings.
#35
He hid my birth control medicine to try and force me to have a baby with him.
#36
When our couples therapist said, “It sounds like you’re more concerned about the possibility of losing some of your money (in a divorce) than you are about losing your wife.” And he said, “ABSOLUTELY. 100% correct.”.
#37
When I looked at my husband and it clicked in my head that I actually have 3 teenagers, not just 2. As soon as I saw him as someone that I had to took care of, things went downhill rather quickly.
#38
She yelled at my kid (I was divorced and has 2 kids coming into the relationship) for doing exactly what he was supposed to do, as per instructions and when confronted with the truth, (a text to her that spelled it all out) she doubled down.
That was the final, last straw.
#39
There are many factors that led up to it, but the two that are at the top of my mind this week are:
During a particular rough "argument" I told her that if she hits me again it's over. It took four more instances over the next half a year for me to get the courage to act on it (one of which was later that same evening).
And during our last "argument" she had told me that if I wasnt going to change than she needs to know so she can 'decide what to do.' I tried hard to show her change, practice what I was working on in therapy, the books I was reading. Pleading with her to be convinced that I do love her. She laid out all that was wrong with our lives and marriage and screamed, "AND YOURE NOT CHANGING!!"
I knew then that in her eyes I'll never change. And I was so tired of our kids being witness to this and them seeing me like that. I told her that week I was moving out.
Its been 6 months since then. And the messed up part? I love her and miss her so much.
#40
My soon-to-be ex-wife is epileptic. 3 years ago this September, she had a seizure and lost her memory. Two weeks later, once she'd accepted what her life was, she told me she believed I was important in her life before based on her pictures and videos in her phone, but she didn't feel like she was IN LOVE with me. I offered to let her see other people, but she was kind of uncertain and uncomfortable to explore that.
I think it was around this point I began to slowly mourn my marriage over time because things were never the same. Her personality, behavior, and mannerisms remained the same, but her interests changed. Her taste in food, shows, movies, podcasts, books, all changed. And when our interests didn't have any "overlap" anymore, it was very difficult for either person to spend time with the other without it feeling like a chore.
I'd considered divorce for a while, simply because I knew I was not happy despite how much I cared for her still. However, there were two outcomes that would have been detrimental to her had I initiated separation: I would keep the house, and she would have to find a place and/or companion on a timetable that was not at her convenience; I would leave the house, she would not be able to afford it, so we would have to sell it. I did not want either scenario. (We do not have kids.)
To wrap this up, she eventually told me she was not happy either. She recognized the same markers I had, and she initiated the separation/divorce two weeks before she told me she'd sought out a lawyer. In that time, she'd found her own place and made her own plan. All she wanted was the car (her doctor allowed her to start working on getting her license again), the furniture that was handed down from her family, and the dogs. Losing one dog was the only thing I have trouble adjusting to because she was my baby, but we left that open-ended.
All-in-all, what had happened was nobody's fault. We were both exhausting ourselves trying to make it work, and having our efforts fall flat drained us further. We both want what's best for the other as well as ourselves, and honestly, this is the best way it could happened.
Edit: I want to thank everyone for their support. It's been rough, but the bad days are becoming more bearable and less frequent. It's taking time to adjust. 🫶.
DennyS (denzoren) 3 hours ago
This one is definitely neither person's fault...just a really tough situation.
#41
What my (now ex-) husband told me, when I wrote how I was feeling down and gave it to him. The written word has always been my forte rather than the spoken word. He read it, looked at me, and said, "So, what do you expect me to do about it?" There had been a LOT of worse things prior to that, but that was the last straw.
#42
When he gave me an ultimatum that if I couldn’t forgive his parents for their involvement in our marriage, then he couldn’t be with me. He was enmeshed with his mom and dad FYI.
DennyS (denzoren) 3 hours ago
I hope you took that ultimatum as an out and noped out of there.
#43
When I found a lump in my breast, it took 4 weeks to get an examination (long appointment times even for acute conditions). All this time he pretended that I didn't exist, he completely pushed me out. I needed support, at least a little, but all I got was silence, disinterest and ignorance.
I begged him to go with me to the mammogram, he just turned around and went to play his favorite computer game. He didn't say anything (and of course he didn't go with me).
The examination showed that it wasn't cancer. But within six months we were divorced. I'm not mad at him, I just don't want to share my life with him anymore.
Now I know that it was good that this was revealed. Without this incident, I would never have found the courage to divorce, although our marriage was empty for many years, without love, without emotions, without kisses and without shared experiences and hobbies.
#44
Going through something very traumatic (miscarriage) and getting no support from him, with him instead filling his calendar so he could spend as little time with me and my grief as possible. Realising that the one thing I want in a marriage is support when times get tough and getting none of that from him cause he's just not that kinda person.
Fire Singer 3 hours ago
This scenario seems to happen a lot based on this list. :( I get the whole avoidance thing when dealing with something traumatic but the woman who miscarried the kid can't just avoid it, be there for your partner during this!
#45
Back in November 2023, the ex-wife stated that she was no longer happy in the marriage and she wanted to go on her own way.
Some context: I lost my eyesight in 2019 do to diabetes and high blood pressure. It changed the dynamic of the marriage
I believe she didn't want to be a caregiver so she made the decision to leave. After a couple of years of getting myself together, I filed for divorce and it was finalized back in December of last year.
KitchenToto 10 hours ago
My heart breaks for you, hope you have or find a supportive group of people to help you live an independent life
#46
Gambling. He became a degenerate, and not the charismatic/loving/inspiring man that he was.
astheshadowsfall 16 hours ago
A*******n deconstructs a human. It is so sad. It is not their fault, but on a level it is... It is warfare in a mind that one is not equipped to fight.
#47
When my 7-year-old had to explain sarcasm to my ex.
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Chaotic Good 7 hours ago
I've never been married, but I did have a GF who accused me of cheating. Why? Because I was getting back into studying Spanish, so obviously I've got some Latina side chick, right? Anyway, one night as we were laying in bed, she told me she slipped some muscle relaxers in my dinner, and then "joked" how easy it would be for her to cut off my unit while I'd be passed out. Yes, I was out of there the next day, and didn't look back.
KitchenToto 10 hours ago
Marriage should be about teamwork, comunication and listening to each other. Thus is what functioning adults do. If one of you doesn't, they aren't bringing anything to the table
Chaotic Good 7 hours ago
I've never been married, but I did have a GF who accused me of cheating. Why? Because I was getting back into studying Spanish, so obviously I've got some Latina side chick, right? Anyway, one night as we were laying in bed, she told me she slipped some muscle relaxers in my dinner, and then "joked" how easy it would be for her to cut off my unit while I'd be passed out. Yes, I was out of there the next day, and didn't look back.
KitchenToto 10 hours ago
Marriage should be about teamwork, comunication and listening to each other. Thus is what functioning adults do. If one of you doesn't, they aren't bringing anything to the table
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