80 Of The Funniest Thoughts People Shared On X Over The Past Month (October Edition)

Sorry adventurer, can`t talk right now. Come back later

Multa Nocte (she/her 8647)

Multa Nocte (she/her 8647)

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

Premium

Premium user. Get details.

No one would recognise us. 😢

Trying not to call my boss ( who has kids ) on Halloween weekend to out to rest a thought I have about an email thread.

They should make a moooo-vie out of that

I used to have a puppy and would spread newspaper all over the carpeted floor at night, whilst he was being house trained, except for one square by the door. Yes, you've guessed it. That is where he left a deposit.

3.3 kg at birth

I have one nug more than my mug tree can handle. I cannot part with any of them.

Nope.

Boring stuff incoming: In English, contractions don't always have a grammatically correct full form, especially with negative commands using 'you' for emphasis. "Don't you dare!", "Don't you move!", "Don't you touch that!" and "Don't anybody say a word!" are good examples of this. The reason is that English uses 'do + you' to form questions ("Do you dare?"), but 'do not + verb' to give commands ("Do not dare!"). To expand the contraction, you have to move 'you' after 'do', which gives you a question rather than a command. You're welcome.

This is like a car accident. You force yourself not to look, but you do. Here, I cannot stop thinking about it although I know this is weird and wrong.

That's not doomscrolling so much as learning about the world.

I guarantee that everyone else was jealous. I would be.

Good **king question

Poor people food has a habit of becoming sought after: lobster, biscuits and gravy.

Haven't we learnt yet about people having their own island?

Glix Drap

Glix Drap

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

Premium

Premium user. Get details.

Someone was dìcking around.

ICWYDT.

that would not happen if the coworker was an AI.

Multa Nocte (she/her 8647)

Multa Nocte (she/her 8647)

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

Premium

Premium user. Get details.

Hey, I'm a marmot!

Or trying to make a call, and you're on a party line, and Freda is going on, and on, and on...

Major resources include: fluffy tummy, and disappointed kitty face.

Is there not at least one person coordinating ?

If everyone would stop buying them, companies would stop making them. Unfortunately, getting consumers to wise up about things like this would be just as difficult as getting corporations to listen to the public.

Going to work in the dark, coming home in the dark.

Lidl baked beans shown on the shelf as marked down from 37 p to 36 p. I see from the till slip that they charged me 37: no big deal, but it's naughty.

Is a two years long Subway ban a good thing or a bad thing? I need to know the whole story.

What? Are you saying that you didn't clean the floor?

Hmmmm. I wonder what her assets are?

I used to, but, now? Nah,fùck it. You get what you give.

Yeah can't imagine why he'd take issue with that

Several people at my son's elementary school, which my ex's kids also attended, made the assumption that I was her daughter/that her daughter was my little sister. Granted, our family tree is so complex it can only be charted in three dimensions using tinker toys, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm actually a year older than her. I was most amused.

So I guess X NOT gon' give it to ya.

Bill Engvall bit (hand just below his eyes like a dog looking over the bed from the floor)...Ohhhh...good move Bill!"