“Eyewash”: My 45 One-Panel Comic Strips With Pithy Humor (New Pics)

This is what people are going to be saying about me.

I've tried reading between the lines in all of my books, but it's just white space there. Now I see how you're really supposed to do it.

she needs brown hair!

They've the skinniest twigs for arms. How are they holding up those books? Which were probably made up of distant relatives. Don't they know their roots?

At least take one bite come on..... I haven't had cake in a year plz ur making me jealous.

I'll take that as a condiment!

I guess you could say it's mysterious as the dark side of moon.

Hmm… the ones with the fluorescent blue shoes! That’s a fashion statement

Even roads aren't safe from working anymore...

Me personoly i could never

If you can do multiplication well, you should be alright

"...So now I hate them."

Death: Heyyyyy, thanks. Wanna go see this realllllllllllly cool haunted house? It's to die for!

Lotekguy

Lotekguy

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Scotch Tape can play bagpipes.

The other drivers were in stitches.

Training is going to be rough

Poor Fred, he doesn't look very sunny side-up

Ah yes, my spirit animal

noooo the punsss

I want to speak to the manager!

Ohhh, they could dance chess to chess!

You see the headlights on that dancer?

Triple pun!

I always heard memory was the 2nd thing to go, I can't remember the 1st...

I like how the plane looks like the Pokemon Kyogre.

Awwww not cool

This was better than when he had his foot in his mouth and his head up his butt.

Window shoppers window shopping

I don't get it?

Her name should be Sarah

Steve, what a dummy

The prosecutor, near tears: "But that's what covers are for! That's how we're supposed to find out if we want to read it or not!"

It's hot because YOU'RE WEARING A FULL FACE MASK.

He knows!

Que the pointe shoes coming in:

I wish parents would just lettuce be! 🙄

Just like this girl I knew, Page.

Do they have it in type B? I’ve been looking for some but nobody seems to carry it anymore…

Sounds like somebody is full of sh!t

What freak touches their lips on a drinking fountain

..and this little piggy laid on the couch watching Netflix all day ...

He’s probably Chris. Probably

*screams*

My parents always thought I'd be an astronaut cause my teachers all said I was just taking up space

KEVIN!!

Treble clef: “You’re all trouble, that’s what you are!”

He's havin' a green day alright

I thought we'd take things slow

The trick is to write a shít ton of stuff you want on a notebook and then tell the genie you want everything on it to come true, technically it'll just be one wish!

“Well, i need more effort from you to open up properly…”

Why does he look like Principal Skinner?

Next solar system

Not far off the mark, actually. I've seen hawks sit on phone poles where road kill often occurs.

He’s tryina get the Dino nuggies to cook

Absurd. There’s always me and my evil and rude twin, but then again you will never see us in the same room

Me and my pet turtle like:

This is fire 🔥

Regular ants are spicy btw. I ate one once off of a donut and immediately knew something was wrong

Ted is that you? I missed you so much but you look different

This reminds me of fantastic planet.

“I dunno. I’ve been getting these headaches a lot, some cramps in my neck. I’m trying to keep my head despite all that, but sometimes I just lose it.”

That spider is a total Karen smh

By that I mean I’m using chicken wings

Baby tooth: a goo!

omfg those snails make me wanna kick them, i'm a vinyl collector(ish) btw