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They say Scotland is a land of immeasurable beauty, inspiring history, and immense wit. To get a glimpse of the first two, you can watch Braveheart. But to experience the third, you can simply go on Twitter (now X)—some people even say Scottish Twitter is arguably the nation’s finest export. We know you think it’s scotch, but scroll through this list, and then we’ll talk.
The subreddit named Scottish People Twitter has been making headlines online since its creation in 2015. It started by collecting tweets like “maw bought aldi shower gel that smells like fairy liquid so I’ve been cutting about all day smelling like a f**ing plate” and “Can live wi paying 5p for one but am sick of having to f**in light the beacons of Gondor to summon someone anytime I want a bag in Asda” and quickly grew into a 700K-member community, enjoying a good laugh when they see one.
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#1
Clever Cat
s. vitkovitsky 5 years ago
I always ring the doorbell for a cat trying to get back in its house.
RELATED:
#2
We All Need A Little Confidence Boost
hey, not my problem 4 years ago
A JOKE. also, l am scottish and can confirm that l would do this
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And Peggy 5 years ago
“Wee” ig it’s cute but it also sounds like someone needs to go.
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#3
Mask Up, Ya Bams
Dorothy Parker 5 years ago
Same maskless moron in the queue in the US, security guards often say naught!
Cassie 5 years ago
They don't get paid enough to fight with potentially violent morons, especially when the store won't back them up.
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Ericka Hokkanen 5 years ago
I need this ornery Scott to visit me and just talk aloud to some folks in my small town every single day. It would be the BEST DAY- **EVER**!!
Bored Panda spoke with Reddit user Veloglasgow, one of the moderators of r/ScottishPeopleTwitter, to get a better understanding of the content on the subreddit. “Scots generally have a dark, dry, and direct sense of humor,” they said. “Observational comedy where someone points out something that everyone accepts as day-to-day reality but which would be absurd to an outside observer also goes down well.”
#4
Our Currency Is The Best!
Becca Gizmo the Squirrel 5 years ago
How about trash pandas on the hundreds?? Their mask could be the 00 in 100.
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Night Owl 5 years ago
And they've got the unicorn as their national animal The-Unicor...988d3c.jpg 
AnimalsRuleHumansDrool 5 years ago
They thought unicorns were real and they found unicorn horns but they were just narwal horns.
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Peter Sibbald 5 years ago
Thar's lands neither Scotland noor States. I'm sittin' 'ere in Canada. Grantin' our national animal (the beaver) cannae measure up tae Scotland's unicorn, but wae sometimes put ours on our notes, alongside loons.
#5
He's Been Well Done There
Lucas 5 years ago
Bar we'd never say burn in Scotland as that is a fast running stream.
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#6
What Freedom Is Aw Aboot
Kesyra 5 years ago
Just because your countrymen (some of them) are idiots doesn't necessarily mean you are. <3
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Sang Fe 5 years ago (edited)
This pretty much nailed it. The fetus is the most valued human life but loses every bit of importance once forced into existence at the expense of a young, terrified girl without support. No human being is worth the burden of wearing a mask nor a penny of tax money to feed the destitute, our elderly are nothing but a drain on resources and the not so white unworthy of the right to live altogether, after being born...of course. Welcome to America
Jonathan 5 years ago
Groundskeeper Willie has one of the worst fake Scottish accents there's ever been.
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Lana Jig-maker 5 years ago
wait...who's killing babies with ar-15s? what news story did I miss?
Veloglasgow said that posts where people are sarcastically replying to other tweets are probably most representative of real-world Scottish humor.
“Most posts that make it through the mod queue are representative. Any posts that use ‘fooken’ or ‘fecking’ for fu*ken/fu*king are generally removed as no Scot hears how we say those words as that way phonetically,” the moderator explained.
#7
Stating The Obvious
Sam T Godfrey 5 years ago
There's a sign right there, says "Peel from the left". Pushthepul...365def.jpg 
Philly Bob Squires 5 years ago (edited)
I push on "pull" doors and pull on "push" doors... when I finally get it right, the feckin' thing is locked.
Alice Parsons 3 years ago
If you say "Push" as someone is approaching a "Pull" door, they will often crash right into it. I am constantly surprised by how well this works.
#8
Manbat
KiwiBubbles 5 years ago
😂🤣 I'm dying this. This is the best thing. 😂 whoever did this just won comedy.
#9
Hunner Percent
hey, not my problem 4 years ago
a scots person wrote that as a joke you warm toilet seat
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Pamela Scott 5 years ago
Hardest part about losing my Mom is that I know she went with nobody who cared! She did not die of Covid. Thankfully it had not reached thennirsinf home where my brother put her while lying to me about where she was! She died of dehydration. She had had kidney issues off and on. The ER doc side if she had had an IV earlier she would have lived but the short staffed nursing home didn't even realize what was happening till it was beyond to late. If I had known she was there it wouldn't have been any different likely because they would not have let me in to see her because of Covid 19
Bacony Cakes 5 years ago
No, the Scottish way is invading England during the pandemic then retreating back into Scotland and infecting loads of people.
Shelby Smith 3 years ago
I don't understand all the down votes on your comment, as you're heavily complimenting the Scots here.
Load More Replies...Examining the many social and cultural features of Scottish Twitter, journalist Eve Livingston said it has provided a medium for the written Scots language to evolve in a way that wasn’t possible before the advent of social media.
“Scots was the national language of a country that doesn’t exist anymore,” writer and presenter Alistair Heather, who writes a Scots column in Scotland’s The National newspaper, explained. “As Scotland was amalgamated into Great Britain, Scots fell away from being a national language because it didn’t have a nation anymore.”
Heather said that until relatively recently, Scottish opinion-formers in news and media were [mostly] based in England and not plugged into working-class or rural Scotland at all, so they didn’t see Scots language as a contemporary issue in Scotland.
“[But] it’s gaining a lot of legitimacy and validity through social media as a private expression [while] finding a public sphere.”
#10
What Windows?
Rissie 5 years ago (edited)
Because people put curtains up so you can't see in and in order to still look out without looking like a nosy old grandma.
M E 5 years ago
Very nice door but it pains me to look through, it's curtains for you my adorable
H.L.Lewis 5 years ago
Except most folks don't put curtains over stained glass. Lol, at the peephole.
s. vitkovitsky 5 years ago
Maybe the peephole was there first, and the stained glass later, to replace textured plsin glass?
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Jus 5 years ago
Aren't you all scared someone's going to break in? One punch and my question is what do you need the lock for if it can be opened after breaking this decoration...
Shelby Smith 3 years ago
i mean, it is said that most crimes are spontaneous. crimes of "convenience" ... (though there is another word I'm looking for that means basically the same as convenience in this instance... ugh, my brain!!) anyway point being that most criminals won't break the glass, but if they try the k**b and it's unlocked, they'll go for it... glass breaking would be more determined/premeditated in which case, in absence of glass, said criminal may try to work around a lock in such a case anyway... example... an officer came by to tell us there had been several break ins around the neighborhood the night prior, cars. those that had been rifled through were unlocked. thief didn't touch locked cars. most of the time a thief is looking for convenience. quick in and out and draw no attention to thyself.
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#11
Xmas Miracle
#12
Wholesome
#13
Scottish Clothes Shops
#14
Expectations vs. Reality
Jane_Doe 5 years ago (edited)
(edit) soooo a person playing the bagpipe while on drugs, hanging from a lamp?
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#15
Quick Take On The Scottish Play
Catlady6000 5 years ago
Shakespeare play. Very long and involved, but basically, MacBeth kills his good friend the King, so as to eventually become king himself
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Catlady6000 5 years ago
It's Scotland. It's the Scottish play. They may have a version of MacBeth for bedtime for all we know. At least, I really hope so, cause that would be awesome!
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#16
Good Luck At School Today
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
When I was a kid we were just reminded to not pick our noses, lick other students, not share our juice and wash our hands. This looks more like kindergarten solitary.
Tymek Marcinkowski 3 years ago
Hehehehehehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehhhhhahahahahahhehheehheehehheheheheheheheheh
#17
Can’t Beat A Fathers Jokes
Theoretical Empiricist 5 years ago
The reason I'm not a parent is the fear I'd do this to my own children. Messing with their heads would be too big a temptation.
Shelby Smith 3 years ago
my gpa, when i was a kid, would tell me all about his monster that eats little girls. "he has eyes on the ends of his fingers to look around corners with" he had mostly granddaughters, now that i have boys, he tells his great grandkids all about his monster... that eats little boys. it's good fun lol. he keeps him fed and under control... as long as we are good 😳😳
#18
FS John, Too Soon
Kateryna 5 years ago
Angelicaaa! Eliiiza! and peggy! (for those who aren't familiar, this is a Hamilton reference)
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#19
Well That’s Us Screwed
Marcia Cash 5 years ago
Cats selectively bred humans to have opposable thumbs so we could work can openers. We walk upright to open doors for cats, and have big brains to invent new varieties of cat food.
Load More Replies... Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago
Yeah no way. A person could be easily taken down by five cats. 114 would be like piranhas.
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
Cats have already conquered the world, humans just don't realize we serve them yet.
Chaotic_pansexual 5 years ago
Befriend the invading cats and have an unstoppable cat army to invade other nations
Mary Peace 5 years ago
My cat won't be coming, he likes his home comforts too much, so that's one less. Remember cats usually like their familiar surroundings, their own territory.
#20
Life, Eh, Finds A Way
Peter Sibbald 5 years ago
Dr. Ian Malcolm: "But again, how do you know they're all male? Does somebody go out into the park and pull up the Scotsmen's kilts?" (the original version went "But again, how do you know they're all female? Does somebody go out into the park and pull up the dinosaurs' skirts?") ... Text on rear-view mirror: "Thangs whuts seyn un thise lookin' glace bae ploos nigh yet thun ye'd rick'n."
#21
Lightning Lizzie
#22
It's That Easy
Teresa Taylor 5 years ago
But, we don't have friends called "Ehdin" here, so I'm still confused. Is it "ed in bruh" or "aidan bro" or something else. I do know it's not "ed in burrow."
Evil Little Thing 5 years ago
I now understand the refrain of a late 90s house song I heard at a lot of raves.
Cassie 5 years ago
If you go by American English rules, it would be pronounced Edin Berg, which, as many location names tend to be, is wrong. Many places in the US have names that don't follow the rules, as well. For example, the Mattaponi river in Virginia is not pronounced "matta pony" but "matta poe nigh" and the locals will correct you when you pronounce it incorrectly. Similarly, you can tell who's lived in the Appalachians by how they pronounce it as outsiders almost always say it with a long middle a and a soft ch but locals, at least in southwest Virginia, pronounce it with a soft a and a hard ch..
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Family Osborne 3 years ago
god I love you. I am American but have visited Scotland and I GET SO GODFORSAKEN TIRED of correcting grown adults on their pronunciation of the simple name Edinburgh.
Linda Stockton 5 years ago
Sheer perfection as an explanation! I shall remember it 'til I get there!
#23
Good Tae Know
#24
Aye, Ye Pair Ay Bampots
#25
London 1993
Fiona Messenger 5 years ago
It was, I remember it well. I think they were worried about the (then) tallest building in London, the NatWest tower, having to come down due to the damage. Driving around there afterwards you were subject to random checks. It certainly gave the London's security a kick up the bum (although I recognise that compared to 9/11, it was a bonfire fart)
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Julie Aaaa 3 years ago
Yes. Americans aren't that smart..... and I'm American. Our government has quite a few c**ts actually.
ADHD 4 years ago (edited)
maybe GTFO of Ireland. the Irish were the victims, they just didnt take it... lookup the black and tans............... https://letterpile.com/memoirs/Bridget-Maguire-was-twelve-years-old-in-1921-when-she-had-to-avoid-the-bullets-during-the-Irish-War-of-Independence?fbclid=IwAR2nga4YtL1-Z7qk32_Fo9HHSe2yhHpqXA-uTVFlnm4UNhN3-d9MEpCMEeo
#26
Our Government
Tee Witt 4 years ago
To be honest England is sick of hearing them moan, so why don't they just bugger off to the EU and then we can keep the millions England invests in Scotland every year. See if they can con the EU to give them that. We would also have somewhere to send the fake refugees too, from EU France to EU Scotland, wheey yeees !!
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Charlotte 5 years ago
I'm English. During IndyRef1 the prevailing attitude was "Well fine! If that's how you feel you can f**k off then! We always thought your sister was hotter anyway." Now, post Brexit, with Boris spaffing the entire country up the wall, we just want to come with you. Don't go! We can change! We can build a new life together!
Dorothy Parker 5 years ago
Why he's almost an American! Our outgoing president was elected by Putin.
Seonie 5 years ago
Some people, as usual, didn't feel the need to vote but hoped independence would win anyway. Some people were scared by Westmonster telling us we would lose our place in the E.U. if we left and we would be worse off ("you need to stay a part of the UK to stay in the E.U. also we'll give you more control over your own country if you vote against independence"). Spoiler alert: Scotland has now been dragged out of the E.U. kicking and screaming because (surprise surprise) we were lied to.
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Hugh Walter 5 years ago
Are you referring to our glorious leader the sausage-fingered clown of tiers?
#27
Yer Da Does The Washing
Teresa Taylor 5 years ago
I think I broke a rib on this one. I also may or may not have peed my pants just a "wee" bit.
#28
Dilf Hunter
Allen Lavine 5 years ago
I have to read everything about 3 times to understand what they saying but you can bet I'm going to start using some of these words
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
How little? Some toddlers blow raspberries at everything. Mine was one of them. Took forever to break that habit.
#29
Hotland
Strahd Ivarius 5 years ago
Note that this occurred after a heat wave (25°C) that lasted about 1 hour on August 15th, instead of the customary 20°C for half an hour at the same date. Some expect to see it last 2 hours next year, with perhaps some sun.
Darla Gross 3 years ago
Hell, that's a typical summer day in the Southern US. Between the temp and humidity, I spend most of my time in the indoors. Thank the good lord, that I can afford Air conditioning, because some people are not as lucky. It can be damn near unbearable without it.
Shelby Smith 3 years ago
except for those mountain paradise towns sprinkled down the length of the Sierra Nevadas... *wistful sigh* I'd take Tahoe weather back over Florida any day.
Load More Replies... Suzanne Haigh 4 years ago
It was not the heat that got me but those bloody midges, everywhere, eating me away so my body swelled up every summer, problem was it never went down.
#30
Fair Enough
n i k o 5 years ago
I don't really know Scottish politics, but this is hilarious. Like, damn, Scots don't mess around
Amar Bayt Fawaz 5 years ago
The tories are the UK equivalent of the nutty republicans here in the states
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CrunChewy McSandybutt 5 years ago
You should have stopped at "I know it's a joke."
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#31
Shavin A Tattie
E Menendez 5 years ago (edited)
So you are turned on by a sexual partner looking like an adult. Good on you. It creeps me out when people are so turned off by body hair. Because what you are saying is want someone prepubescent - especially pertaining to the genital area (And there is a difference between shaving and being well groomed)
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Meredith Gossland 5 years ago
MY family thinks I've lost it, Im sittin at the computer and laughing like a hyena, opps pee'd meself,,,,, lol
Monica Michelle 5 years ago
After reading the last post with tears on my face and now this one howling I think they are just going to leave me alone for the day
Load More Replies... Philly Bob Squires 5 years ago
Don't care of the carpets or the drapes... I prefer bare hardwood.
#32
Very Fair Point
beautiful plumage 5 years ago
ha haa haaa! right?!? that's hilarious!! (ummm.... can anyone give an accurate translation?)
Yugan Talovich 5 years ago
Translation:電視執照的傢伙敲我叔叔朋友的門，朋友說他沒有電視，那個傢伙說，你屋頂上有天線，朋友說，我冰箱裏有一瓶牛奶，這樣就證明我家後面有牛嗎？給他關上了門。You’re welcome.
Load More Replies... #33
Yer No Meant To Eat The Parts Separately
Summer Woodsong 5 years ago
Thanks for this. Now I can absolutely prove we shouldn't be eating the stuff - even if it tastes like heaven on a biscuit!!
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
Any food broken into its separate parts would not be appetizing, that's why we eat the ingredients mixed together in the first place. A cake eaten as separate ingredients would also taste like blah.
#34
Ye Nugget
Al Jones 5 years ago
We need this sign at far more places... Like behind every American (and Australian) that doesn't have native heritage and complains about migrants.
Bacony Cakes 5 years ago
And even then, they're still migrants. Only people who come from like a handful of small sections of Mesopotamia can claim to be not migrants.
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M Kate McCulloch 5 years ago
I would bitch relentlessly about the rain, however, and with relish!
M Kate McCulloch 5 years ago
Look - If I lived there, as an American, I would never complain about immigrants or migrants. I'd be glad ya had me!
Wilf 5 years ago
In England we have a Home Secretary (the minister responsible for immigration policy) who wrote a new set of immigration rules that, had they been in place back in the 70s, would have prevented her OWN PARENTS from even claiming asylum in the UK, yet alone settling here when they were fled from persecution overseas. She is one really evil piece of s**t.
Sam T Godfrey 5 years ago
I'm more interested in what's going on in the background! Somebody lose their specs?
#35
Maccies
Dorothy Parker 5 years ago
Absolutely! Abusive employer. Drives me crazy the few times I've gone inside a McDonald's.
Suzanne Haigh 4 years ago
I have never heard a beep. beep, in a MacDonald's that I can remember, but then not been in a Macdonalds for 20 years. Disgusting places
#36
Da-Da-Da-Da!
Catlady6000 5 years ago
I hate you all as I go about my day hearing "... Man who walks a thousand miles......never gonna give you up...." Taking turns in my head. Thanks John Louis for adding on ;)
John Louis 5 years ago
The American equivalent: Never Gone Give You Up, Never Gonna Let you down....
#37
Goths Are A Dying Breed
Lucas 5 years ago
Agree with Shelagh. Mostly driven by the media and not an issue in real life. We share the same problem on the government front - Boris.
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Analyn Lahr 5 years ago
Do you mean person who wears black and pale makeup or like a Visigoth? From the German region, I believe.
Toy Slaughter 3 years ago
📝 Note to self... Scratch Scotland off the list 📝..... Silently cries in black mesh
Lorraine R 5 years ago
You don't have a 400-year history of one race enslaving another. It leaves a mark.
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
Best way to make sure there is equality is to take the stupid race question off all the applications for everything instead of we have to have so many of each race. Who cares what race you are, you are an individual not a nameless statistic of some stereotyped race.
Suzanne Haigh 5 years ago
Very few are anti English, in fact the only one I felt was being racists to the English was actually a resettled Canadian, work that out.
#38
Ye Goin For A S***e Hen?
Lúthien 5 years ago
I had somebody hammering my door screaming at me to let them in. (I didn't obviously. I still wonder what they were on),
Scarpetta Selkirk 5 years ago
Probably OD'ing on due to all the sugar in Nutella...
Load More Replies... #39
Platinum Next X
Vincent Jay 5 years ago
I have no idea what the boy said. What is that in standard American English? .
Charlotte 5 years ago
What, did you unlock that (golden hair trimmer) after 500 haircuts?
Load More Replies... Sam T Godfrey 5 years ago
Aha! Barbers! I almost forgot, yes, we have them here too, still, I think...
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
Ah the video game ability to unlock new gear after do many accomplishments....that actually would be useful in real life, sadly doesn't work that way.
#40
Pizza Time
Mary Peace 5 years ago
So if I designed a clock with, say, pepperoni at 12, 3, 6, & 9; mushroom at 1, 4,7 & 10, and so on... would people buy it? I could ring Pizza Hut tomorrow and see if they'd buy the idea.
Sam T Godfrey 5 years ago
I appreciate people like myself who care nothing about the concept of "time".
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
Nice. I might try that next April Fools day, might even top my sugar in the salt shaker one.
#41
Mad Stoater
Rissie 5 years ago (edited)
Maybe she was referring to a different look and either complimenting or making fun of him. Or is that the joke? This is too advanced humor for me.
Mary Peace 5 years ago
I worked in a large office block, lots of different government departments. One day I got in the lift and said hello to a man I thought I recognised, not from work but from a club I went to. He asked where I knew him from, and when I told him he said that was his twin brother. I didn't know my mate even had a twin.
Summer Woodsong 5 years ago
I need to start calling people badger, it's so much more descriptive than other phrases that come to mind.
Julie Aaaa 3 years ago
Too many out in the world like this, to the misfortune of the rest of us.
#42
Half Pizza Crunch Supper
Virgil Blue 5 years ago
It's from peering at the pre nuptial agreement hoping she can find a loopholexto escape.
blugeagua 5 years ago
She's just as bad as her orange buffoon of a husband.
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Sam T Godfrey 5 years ago
She's an immigrant. I'm surprised trump hasn't had her deported yet!
Sue Knerl 5 years ago (edited)
She's a squinter for sure. I think she needs glasses, doesn't want them and can't figure out contacts. Or she's just stupid.
Lisa 3 years ago
She had glasses and threw them away. She doesn't want to have to actually see that Dorito head clearly.
Load More Replies... Julie Aaaa 3 years ago
That's her permanent look after years of trying to see the old man's w***y.
#43
Intimate And Sacred
Sam T Godfrey 5 years ago
I wonder how that'll go over here in the US... It does occur when people disapprove or otherwise of the president...
GC 5 years ago
God yes. I was on a dating site for about a minute and there was a beautiful man that I matched with but he was a Trump supporter and I had to say no thanks. Beauty is one thing but if there’s no substance, what’ve you got to talk about after?
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Ambry Petersen 3 years ago (edited)
Personally I think intimacy should be left in the bedroom. The world's obsession with it has gotten way out of hand to the point its downright pathetic.
#44
A Record To Be Proud Of
Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago
In Scotland are chips crisps or fries? Either way, I wonder if I’m in the top ten lol
Diddlybop 5 years ago
In Scotland were smart and call American chips crisps
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Sam T Godfrey 5 years ago
I'd be glad to find something for you to do, to avoid doing this all of the time...
John Doe AKA "READ MY DAMN COMMENT OR REPLY BEFORE YOU DISLIKE!" 5 years ago
You high or something? This the big brain s**t that only happens when you're high as f**k.
#45
Vegan Scottish Cuisine
Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago
Aw man. I always wondered what the authorities do with special diets.
Suzanne Haigh 4 years ago
This does not surprise me one bit. After being without electricity for 4 days, no heat, food gone off, December, I was offered 1 hour after the electricity came on, a piece of fruit.
#46
We Love Arbroath
Nothanks L. Walk 5 years ago
Absolutely! They even have scarves with Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. The text continues on the back of the scarf.
Suzanne Haigh 4 years ago
Just a pretense to imply they have been for a holiday and came back safe.
#47
On The Bus
Paizleypie 5 years ago
Seems like the Scottish throw the C-word around as much as Australians do.
n i k o 5 years ago
That's something that's always confused me. Why, in America, is the c-word just so looked-down-upon? It seems in Scotland, Australia, and Britain that it's okay with like friends in stuff, so why the difference? I mean, here you can't say it to friends or anyone, really.
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Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
If only we could shrink them small enough to manage that. The world would be a better place.
#48
Absolute Fact
Suzanne Haigh 5 years ago
Lived in Scotland for 12 years and was never subject to this assumed Scottish hating the English
Ericka Hokkanen 5 years ago
I recently read that teens in London are saying "would you please, f**k off?" aren't they polite little shites?
MaryLou Quercioli 2 years ago
I LOVED MY VISIT TO THE UK!!! ESPECIALLY SCOTLAND!!! I always wanted to come back for a longer visit... but sadly, that never happened. ... only in my dreams!
#49
Genitals!
elfin 5 years ago
She was trying to make a point and it wasn't about hatred. She had a very tough single motherhood early on and even considered suicide. I think she's correct that we need to pay more attention to women's issues overall (though not less attention to transgender). For me most of the hate came from people calling her a hater.
Anouck Green 3 years ago
Yeah...no. She's most definitely made numerous transphobic remarks.
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Azziza 5 years ago
Yeah, she never said anything anti-anyone or any group. She said "sex is real" and she advocates for women's rights. Neither of those are bad things. Sex IS real and what kind of monster is opposed to women's rights? She's getting smeared by a group of bullies for no reason.
Frankenfrog 5 years ago
She was pointing out that the plight of women shouldn't be erased in the name of inclusion of all genders and transsexuals. She is neither homophobic or trans phobic. And no, a trans woman does not know what having been born a woman and had the often bad experiences that comes with is are. That's it.
#50
And One For Yourself Bartender
juji 5 years ago
yeah but it's a scottish tweet and that's what this post is
Load More Replies... Teresa Taylor 5 years ago
True!! As an American that barely knows the value of a dollar, when I was in London and making a purchase, I just held out my cash and literally said," take it." I was totally confused by the monetary system and had no idea if I was being ripped off or not. Best two weeks, though!!
Eglė Bukauskaitė 4 years ago
1scoop of ice cream 10€?? Was that the golden flake dessert?... Even in Italy i paid half of that
We’ve had our share of laughs with these Scottish tweets, bringing a slice of Scotland humor straight to your screen. What’s next? It’s your turn to join the fun! Show some love to the tweets you loved the most, or swing by the comment section. Maybe you’ve stumbled upon some funny Scottish tweets (now posts) yourself. Time to share them with us!
#51
Ye Gotta Draw The Line Mumwhere
#52
At Least They Voted!
#53
Shame
#54
Absolutely Out Of It
Lucas 5 years ago
Particularly as it isn't much of a swear word in Scotland.
Load More Replies... #55
Uncle Dug
#57
Didnae Get Far Did Ye
Roxy Eastland 5 years ago
I can totally relate to this. Drives right up your a**e even though you're doing the speed limit, first chance they get shoot past you, and there you both are waiting at the same set of lights two minutes later. I hope it's all worth the increased risk of a stressed induced stroke, getting in an accident, and a speeding ticket.
Ray Michaels 5 years ago
had a guy from a passing car call me a f****t.next thing the car stopped and i heard get the f out ,you jackass! .laughed my head off.it was pouring rain and the idiot was wearing shorts and flipflops
#58
Dexter The Dug
KombatBunni 5 years ago
Hahah space slice..I’m keeping that one for the next person that annoys me :)
Gwen 5 years ago
I love the Scottish! When it comes to insults, they are the best!
Load More Replies... #59
Absolute Genius
#60
In Case Someone Forgot This Masterpiece
Victor Botha 5 years ago
🤣🤣🤣 that is hysterical. Friend had an argument with some Snobby French twat and told him to "Fuckez Vous" I was in stitches.
CrunChewy McSandybutt 5 years ago
Those French girls are so rail thin the Scottish winds will blow her ass back to the mainland.
Luther von Wolfen 5 years ago
Ah..... so the reason I haven't met Ms. Right is I haven't been courting Scottish women.
#61
Dont Want To Piss Off The Scottish
#62
Glasgoths
#63
Who's The Lucky Girl?
#66
Double Scottish
Marcia Cash 5 years ago
I have a thick Texas drawl, but going to Catholic school taught me a passable Irish accent that has fooled Dubliners more than once. Funny, people treat me like an ignorant hick when I speak Texan, but respect me when I fake Irish.
#67
Speeding Ostrich
#71
Aye Just A Wee Side Note
#72
Best. Dad. Ever
#73
Local Bouncer / Door Steward In Ma Town Making The Best Of A Bad Situation By Providing The Giggles
#74
These Flowers Are A Mystery
#75
Aye
#78
True Happiness
#79
Something Not Right About That Soap
Pungent Sauce 5 years ago
As a North American, I’ve never heard soap being called a ‘tablet’, hotels don’t put soap on the beds, and when in doubt ya read the fookin’ ingredient list, eh?
Abhainn 5 years ago
It also says "Scottish confectionary" on the label XD
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Susie Keegan 5 years ago
An American staying in the hotel I work in informed me that the brown bread was very stale. Weetabix, he had buttered a weetabix
Roxy Eastland 5 years ago
It's got a f*****g ingredients list on it. What kind of soap is made condensed milk??? Oh, forget that, I'm on several soapmaking forums and some mad bugger would try and make soap with condensed milk . . .
Dorothy Parker 5 years ago
Ingredients butter, sugar, condensed milk. Now if it has oats in it I'd understand the confusion.
#80
All Those Hypotheticals
Kelley Baltierra 3 years ago
S...A...M...E. ..... I got a warning for posting comments too quickly............
Bender Bending Rodríguez 5 years ago
I can deeply relate with this one. I have so many ideas for when I win a big lottery. I just need to buy one.
#81
Birds Could Prolly Swim In Lava And Be Fine
#83
Worky Dug
Marcia Cash 5 years ago
I'm Texan, could someone please translate this for me? I don't get it.
DogMatic 5 years ago (edited)
There is a man that brings his dog with him to the building site he works on, and the dog is kitted out, wearing a high-visibility neon yellow reflective jacket like the one his builder owner wears. Dug = dog. Way = with. N = and. Hings = thing is. Oot = out. Kitted out = wearing. High-vis = high visibility.
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#85
Sair Heid?
#86
Just To Be Safe...
Mimi777 5 years ago
I had a couple little homemade soap samples by the sink in our bathroom one day my boyfriend took a bite out of BOTH of them. Idk why he didn’t stop after the first one but he told me that chocolate tasted horrible and I told him it was soap.. and why would I have chocolate in the bathroom.
#88
Wean's First Tooth
#89
Screw The Tories
#90
Clean Up On Aisle 4
OneHappyPuppy 3 years ago
Flour is very explosive if in a metallic container/baggy. Same goes for cinnamon
#92
Good Thinking Wee Man
#94
Proud As Punch
#96
Cheers Gran
Adam Rindegård 5 years ago (edited)
wed "nip" the outbreak of nipples in the bud
Load More Replies... Roxy Eastland 5 years ago
TBH, old Vicks is likely to have lost its kick as the essential oils will have evaporated.
#97
Being A Dad Has Its Perks
#100
10/10
#101
A Massive Lad
CrunChewy McSandybutt 5 years ago (edited)
Update: I did some research and finally found that this is hotelier David Morgan-Hewitt next to the queen. Also, this is where the "absolute unit" meme was born.
#102
Big Note
#103
Where Are You From?
CrunChewy McSandybutt 5 years ago
No, I've never heard it pronounced "Glass Cow." I've only heard it pronounced "GLAZ-go"
#105
Suns Oot Mirrors Oot
sugar-dusted-strawberries 3 years ago
aaa! this is the second one mentioning birds and i just realized birds means women. gotta turn in my “descended from scots” card 😭
#111
Another Breed Of Spastic
Jennifer Potter 3 years ago
I laughed so hard 'cause I can see my younger self doing this 😂😂😂😂
#112
I Think Frankie’s Onto Something
Giles McArdell 5 years ago
My Kid > Dad, what was it like in the war? Me> I was born 20 years after the war. My Kid> Oh, what about the second world war then?
#115
Coronavirus Arrives In Scotland
#117
Brick That Thing
#118
Absolute Unit
#120
Outstanding Patter
#121
Oompa Loompa, Do-Ba-Dee-Doo
Tobias the Tiger 4 years ago
The one in the third picture is like, "When I get out of here, I'm gonna s**t on everything you love."
#123
Scottish Schools Are Where Girls Get Pregnant And Where Boys Go To Sell Drugs (I Should Know I Went To Armadale Academy)
#124
It Honestly Is Ridiculous How Long They Left
#126
The Rare, Understandable Scottish Men
pusheen buttercup 5 years ago
Doctors once called my dad and said his dad had a stroke and his speech was damaged. He got off the phone with him and said he's fine, he's just Scottish you idiots! True story.
#128
Wouldn't Expect Any Less From A Soulless Ginger
Jennifer Crompton 5 years ago
Aren't gingers fairly common in Scotland? Why would a little kid be surprised to see one?
#132
Security To Get A Munch
#133
Smirnoff Ice
Pungent Sauce 5 years ago
Smirnoff Ice’s all but vanished in the States, and now seltzer’s are everywhere. An idea before it’s time it seems.
#137
Life Must Be Good Being A Dug
DogMatic 5 years ago
My little terrier helps me empty clothes out of the washer/dryer, picks up anything I drop, retrieves anything I can't reach etc. She gets so excited to be involved & helping. I trained her to pass me things I drop, & she figured the rest out for herself. She was following me around the house as usual. I was in the middle of emptying the dryer, turned away to fold something, turned back to see dog had disappeared. Moments later, she stuck her head out of the dryer with a sock in her mouth & handed (mouthed?) it to me! Smart as a whip, helpful motherly soul, doesn't miss a trick, & after 10 years together, appears to read my mind. We do not deserve dogs ❤ Thankfully she's a neat wee non-drooly type of dog, or I'd be re-washing forever! I do have to keep my other dogs out of the room when doing laundry, or she gets distracted & runs off with my socks. My lurcher will steal & hide them, & if my mastiff gets hold of them, they're instantly soggy, & put straight back into the wash 😆
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#140
Too Wee, Too Poor, Too Stupid
Wandaluzt 5 years ago
It doesn't tax spare bedrooms to raise money. They tax spare council home bedrooms to encourage people who live alone in big 3 4 or 5 bedroom social (as in tax payer funded) houses to swap to a smaller home so that families who need the bigger houses can have them. More BS misinformation.
#142
Guys Dont Use Tinder It's Crap
#144
Happy Birthday To Big J
#146
Some Good Financial News!
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What do you think ?
Dennis Stanley 5 years ago
If I ever make it to Scotland I need to remember c*nt is is a term of endearment
Barry Neeson 5 years ago
Steady there fella, you cannae just go around spouting C*nt. If you call some c*nt the wrong type of c*nt you may end up getting your c*nt kicked in
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giovanna 5 years ago
Gosh I have a C2 level in English and I DON'T UNDERSTAND SCOTTISH EVEN WHEN IT'S WRITTEN DOWN lol
Fiona Messenger 5 years ago
It's meant to get slightly less funny as you go down the list due to the voting. It doesn't. All of them made me laugh, and some of them I nearly stopped breathing. I love you guys.
Consequential_mishaps 5 years ago
Words can't describe how much I love Scotland and Scottish people. I wish I could upvote this more times. Even them swearing is like a sweet song to my ears.
Kenny Kulbiski 5 years ago
Enjoyed these but the f*****g c***s that submitted them should have included f*****g subtitles on some of them.
KombatBunni 5 years ago
Is it weird that I’m not Scottish and yet understood most of these? Then again I once dated a Scottish lad, and once went out drinking with a group of Scots, so maybe I absorbed it by association or something? Or it’s just a quirk..who knows? Funny as hell though
Dennis Stanley 5 years ago
If I ever make it to Scotland I need to remember c*nt is is a term of endearment
Barry Neeson 5 years ago
Steady there fella, you cannae just go around spouting C*nt. If you call some c*nt the wrong type of c*nt you may end up getting your c*nt kicked in
Load More Replies... giovanna 5 years ago
Gosh I have a C2 level in English and I DON'T UNDERSTAND SCOTTISH EVEN WHEN IT'S WRITTEN DOWN lol
Fiona Messenger 5 years ago
It's meant to get slightly less funny as you go down the list due to the voting. It doesn't. All of them made me laugh, and some of them I nearly stopped breathing. I love you guys.
Consequential_mishaps 5 years ago
Words can't describe how much I love Scotland and Scottish people. I wish I could upvote this more times. Even them swearing is like a sweet song to my ears.
Kenny Kulbiski 5 years ago
Enjoyed these but the f*****g c***s that submitted them should have included f*****g subtitles on some of them.
KombatBunni 5 years ago
Is it weird that I’m not Scottish and yet understood most of these? Then again I once dated a Scottish lad, and once went out drinking with a group of Scots, so maybe I absorbed it by association or something? Or it’s just a quirk..who knows? Funny as hell though
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