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There’s a saying that you can’t trust anything you see on the internet. And while it sounds a bit dramatic, there’s a lot of truth to it.
Whether it’s someone’s crazy and totally-not-made-up personal story or the comment section underneath a news article, you rarely know if you’re dealing with a well-meaning person, a troll, or even a bot, and whether they’re just misinformed or purposefully spreading nonsense.
Unless you stumble upon a community that explicitly states it’s here to mock this exact phenomenon.
That’s right, we found a subreddit where members create satirical science-related Q&As, and the funniest (or saddest?) thing about it is how instantly recognizable their exchanges are. So for your entertainment, we’ve rounded up some of our favorite ones.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I have told my 5 year old the answer of an ELI5 about gravitational waves and he did not understand it. Is he mentally unwell?
SplitReality:
It depends on how close you were to your child when you offered the explanation. Gravity is known to warp time. Thus the act of explaining gravity creates a gravity well which the explanation must escape. If you were too far away from your child, the ELI5 explanation would have aged relative to them as it traveled out of that well beyond your child's 5 year old intellect's ability to understand.
This phenomenon can also be observed when people high on dr*gs talk about "heavy" topics that seem not to make sense to anyone else. Their observations are actually quite profound. The problem is that the denseness of the conversation creates a gravity well so strong that by the time it escapes, it is beyond the understanding of the human mind.
RELATED:
#2
Is this almost perfectly circular island man-made?
dogninja8:
No, it's a fake island put there by the map maker to see if anyone is copying his map.
anonymous:
That's Antaracataca you dumb potatoe.
RamsesThePigeon:
That's not an island... but I suspect you knew as much.
No, that's a flying saucer. It's been hovering over the Earth for centuries, but it moves from place to place, which is why different maps show it in different locations.
#3
How does Hugh Jackman keep from aging?
anonymous:
Well, he is originally from Australia, which as we all know is reverse from the rest of the world. This is where he spends his off time, so he gets younger every day spent there. He works in the US, where he ages as normal. His work life balance is 50/50, so he basically stays the same age.
snonymous:
Hugh Jackman isn't real, they just got Wolverine to play him on the show. Wolverine doesn't get old because of his cells regenerative powers.
#4
If Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history, is it called genealogy or geology?
Wildwoodywoodpecker:
Either way he's digging up dirt
RealDwayneJohnsonAMA:
In third grade, all the other kids drew a family tree. The Rock made a family quarry.
#5
The first dog in space passed of stress. Was that because of all the vacuums up there?
SomeAltAccountPun:
Partially. Most of stress came from the combination of physical exercise to maintain muscle mass, piloting a spacecraft, and the fact that someone forgot to close the airlock
anonymous:
Actually when he saw the the earth in all its grandeur from the outside the futility of the cold war nuclear arms race really got to him.
rhorama:
You've basically got it. Small correction though: it wasn't that there were multiple vacuums, it was one galactic-sized vacuum.
You've heard of "The Vacuum of Space" before, right? Well that's what got to the doggie.
#6
Why do you hear of celebrities passing away, but you never hear of them being born?
ANegativeCation:
The last major celebrity whose birth got advertised ended up nailed to a cross.
anonymous:
Because no more new celebrities are being born. That's why people are so annoyed about 2016. So many celebs died, but none are being born.
anonymous:
I mean, not to break the circlejerk or take the joke seriously, but you do.
When celebrities have kids, that makes the news. And probably near 90% of celebrities today are celebrities because their parents were famous already.
Shit, look at Jayden Smith, Miley Cyrus, Rashida Jones, Alexander Skarrsgard, Zooey Deschenel, Lenny Kravitz, Kate Hudson, Ben Stiller, Jennifer Aniston, Nicholas Cage, Gwyneth Paltrow, Kristen Stewart, all the Kardashians... all have celebrity families "in the industry". I could keep going too. This is the short list. Just wait til Brad and Angelina's kids grow up.
#7
ELI5: Britain is officially leaving Europe. Where are they going to go/how hard is it to move an island?
iron_dinges:
They've already started the first step: making the pound lighter so that the country can float on the sea.
EDIT: I was not talking about the pound sterling, kind gilding stranger!
JustADudeOfSomeSort:
Well first they need to have someone go down and pull the release level in the chunnel. That detaches them from the mainland and allows them to float free. Then the dutch wind farms will turn their windmills on and blow the country out into the ocean, where it can catch trade currents wherever it would like to go.
Remi (He/Him) 1 hour ago
If they sail fast enough, they can get back to sun not setting on the British empire
#8
I bought a "Smart" TV, but I'm still able to watch Duck Dynasty. Why isn't it working?
bushybearmuffinman:
Did you press your forehead directly to the screen for an hour so the tv could tell how smart you are?
matruschkasized:
Did you adjust the brightness?
Moldiemom:
I hate to tell you this, but I think it's geared to the intellect of the viewer. The smart tvs don't want to overwhelm our brains with too much.
I'll let you know if mine ever plays anything more informative than "Robot Chicken".
UnclePanda 7 hours ago
"It's voice controlled but you have to train it. Try saying *HELLO!* repeatedly until you hear the beep. Be persistent - the smarter the person, the harder it is to train the TV."
#9
HOW MANY CUPS OF DECAF DO I NEED TO DRINK TO UNDO THE EFFECTS OF DRINKING 9 CUPS OF REGULAR COFFEE? ASKING FOR A FRIEND.
spiketheunicorn:
You need uncaf not decaf. Take a cup of coffee. Freeze it to 'unboil' it. Dehydrate it to remove water.
Now you have caffeine-free uncoffee. It's like anti-matter for coffee. Don't drink too much or you'll fall asleep forever.
liquidnonsense:
Decaf? No. You actually just need one more cup of regular coffee. The digit will loop over from 9 cups to 0, just like in a car odometer, and you'll be effectively caffeine-free.
MaxPecktacular:
No no no. You don't need to drink it. You need to brew a lot of decaf then bathe in it. You will essentially create a hypertonic solution and the caffeine will naturally leave your body to balance out the decaf around you.
UnclePanda 7 hours ago
According to the Universal Drinks Calculator, 9 cups of regular coffee is the same as one good sip of Klatchian coffee. Strong alcohol may be indicated.
#10
People say microwaves are invisible but I can still see them in my kitchen. Am I a genetically engineered superhuman who will save the human race?
risquecat:
You should do an AMA
Aldman123:
If you could figure out a way to utilize these "micro" waves to heat up or warm food, we could cure starvation!
anonymous:
Pics or didn't happen.
#11
Does anyone know what to do when your dog deflates?
craniumonempty:
What's with kids these days? Old cartoons used to show us step by step what to do.
Get a foot-pedal bike-pump. Stick hose in dogs mouth. Pump until full size again
Warning: don't over inflate or they'll fly away.
anonymous:
This is an easy one, you need to put your entire mouth around the snout and blow as hard as possible. After a couple of puffs should be back to normal.
#12
Why did people used to build ruins?
whereismysafespace_:
It's sadly a lost art. We don't build ruins like we used to anymore.
ZanthorTitanius:
Roofs weren't invented until 1550, that's why Leonardo da Vinci is so famous. Everything looks like ruins before then, sorry.
anonymous:
Old timey Dungeons and Dragons/LARP mostly. They didn't have the material to make models so they had to use the real thing.
#13
Children who were aborted, what's your story?
IVTD4KDS:
Survivor of abortion here. What happened is that my mom took pills to abort me while I was a fetus. I was able to catch these pills and held onto them for the full term. When I came out, I was laughing and showed them the pills...
bupereira:
(cricket sound intensifies)
ProbablyMyLastPost:
My mother was presented three choices: Abort, retry or ignore. I'm still not sure which she picked...
#14
I discovered I've accidentally been feeding my chickens popcorn instead of feed corn when my prized hen got too close to the heat lamp. Medical question: anything I can to? Culinary question: anything I can do?
ZhangStone:
My professor said you could consider chicken as a sphere when calculating air resistance. Now I believe him
thingalinga:
Obesity in chickens is a serious problem. The only way to fix this is to get her a chicken sized Peloton. Whatever you do, please don’t ask her when her chicks are due.
-Lil-Chicken-:
Medical-have her drink lots of water, this will hopefully help dissolve the popcorn
Culinary-feed her some butter, I hear it makes a nice addition to popcorn
P.S. That is not a Lil-Chicken
#15
Has the technology improved over the last 4 years?
anonymous:
Angles are nature's most untapped resource
#16
How can I grow a car? I've been planting old car parts all over my yard but nothing comes up like it did for my neighbor.
maybesingleguy:
Dude, this is bad ask science. You need a real scientist. Like, get an arborist to have intercourse with a mechanic, then ask the baby. That's the level of expertise you need for something like this.
cownd:
Simple. You need to get one from a car plant
#17
My dad is in the hospital on life support. Already tried unplugging him and plugging him back in. Any suggestions?
Sarcasticorjustrude:
You probably didn't leave him off long enough for a complete shutdown. Come on, this is basic stuff!
perthguppy:
Take his shoes off and put some fresh ones on instead.
You know. Reboot him.
14nickel:
Blow into the outlet. Sometimes dust gets on the contacts and blocks the power flow.
#18
If light travels faster than the speed of sound, how come I can hear the guy in the BMW behind me honk before the light turns green?
I've been at a standstill with my experiments.
bobbygarafolo:
Green light is the heaviest light. It's so heavy it travels slower than sound. That's why we haven't discovered any green stars.... yet.
joelincoln:
It's German engineering.
BMW's come with a feature that forecasts the reactions of other less-well-off drivers. The computers and heuristic algorithms determine, with 99.994762% reliability that another nearby driver is being inattentive and takes prophylactic or preemptive action as required. The BMW driver him/herself is unaware of these actions which is why they typically appear oblivious of their surroundings.
I believe Mercedes has developed a counter-preemptive technology aimed at deterring the deleterious effects of BMW's features.
I hope this helped... now stop blocking traffic!
#19
Do spiders in europe have 2.4384 meters instead of 8 feet?
anonymous:
No, you see, spiders have eight legs, not feet. An adult leg is approximately one meter long. So spiders have 8 legs or 8 meters.
duudass:
i would walk 804.672 kilometres and i would walk 804.672 more, just to be the man who walked 1609.34 kilometres to fall down at your door…
Fcorange5:
Not just in Europe, pretty much everywhere in the world, brochacho
#20
What kind of supercomputer can read this?
flamedragon822:
Oh that's not for supercomputers it's for macro computers made by Macrosoft before Microsoft drive them out of business back in the 90s. Turns out no one wanted larger computers
MovingClocks:
Actually, it's not for supercomputers (at least by today's standards), it's just fairly old! Moore's law states you can double the number of transistors per square inch on your circuitboard every 12 months or so, which is why new computers are smaller each year. If you look at the size of this vs a modern USB drive, you can see that it's probably around 50-100x larger, meaning that this can be approximately dated back to around 1900-1950!
#21
Can I use y=mx+b to measure the slope of how downhill my life is going?
J0hnn1B01:
No because the m would be undefined
jxj24:
No. You're going to need an exponential. At the very least.
stewsters:
You might get a better fitting curve with something like this:
y = -(x!)
#22
Why is Hillary Clinton sending a hurricane to California?
comicalben:
It's actually the other way around. She's in California and the hurricane is hunting her down.
The reason every hurricane has a human name is because it's named after the specific person that it's targeting.
Careless-Internet-63:
She was trying to take Arizona but she didn't go far enough right
#23
Why hasn't Ryan Gosling become Ryan Goose yet
HolySimon:
Ryan Gander*
ra_calli:
Okay so the person who made this post is my little brother and he has made this joke like six times before and none of our family thought it was funny and then this morning he shows me this and that it already had like 2000 upvotes and I hate the internet he's not funny
#24
I accidentally swallowed an ice cube whole yesterday and still have not passed it, should I be concerned?
anonymous:
Should be nothing to worry about. Unless you start hearing STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON coming from your digestive regions.
himthatspeaks:
You probably don't need to worry about it too much. People swallow an average of 27 ice cubes while sleeping throughout their lifetime.
If you're really concerned, try drinking a cup sea salt. Salt melts ice.
anonymous:
Just drink some anti-freeze!
#25
Why does this 2 pound coin only weigh 0.02 pounds?
FadeIntoReal:
Inflation.
anonymous:
The zeros are silent
Mango027:
Your balance isn't calibrated correctly. You need to use this 2 pound coin as a reference standard to fix the calibration. After recalibration, your 2 pound coin will correctly read 2 pounds.
UnclePanda 7 hours ago (edited)
Because your thoughts occur in a vacuum and that lightens the weight.
#26
Amish of Reddit, how does not using technology affect your lives?
Errror1:
Just because we use reddit doesn't mean we use technology. I wrote this text, for example, with a carrier pidgey
Typo_Matser:
You know, I shun fancy things like electricity, at 4:30 in the morning I'm milkin' cows. Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows. And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that, even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone.
UnclePanda 7 hours ago
The original title was 'Former Amish of Reddit.' Otherwise, I had questions.
#27
Why do people come back from baby changing stations with the same baby?
SquareTheRhombus:
I can never get one in my colour.
Khers:
It's not the same baby, it's the same model. You can't just upgrade your baby for free, but you can exchange a dysfunctional crying and/or smelly model for a proper one at the station.
Effex:
Certified BCS Operator here, I figured i'd chime in:
BCS's used to be a lot more popular in the 90's, where the chance of actually changing your baby for another baby was much higher. But with regulations within the past 5 years, the success rate of changing a baby for another has dramatically decreased. Most of the time, the only thing that does change is the smell coming from the baby, but not the actual baby.
Pro-tip: If you don't want to exchange your baby but make it disappear instead, we recommend you leave it alone at the BCS for at least 30 minutes. Upon returning, do not be concerned about any possibly authority figures present, this is merely a precautionary step to assure that your baby disappears as safely as possible.
UnclePanda 7 hours ago
They had to close the BCS stations because people kept jamming the slot with teenagers.
#28
My pizza says to bake for 18-21 minutes, how do I bake something for -3 minutes?
Hullabalooga:
Oh, you must've missed it. Pizza was ready 3 minutes ago.
JayTee12:
You need to go Bake to the Future.
ateoclockminusthel:
Easy. Take it out of the oven. Wait 3 minutes. And put it in. Finished
UnclePanda 7 hours ago (edited)
"I don't like this recipe - it said to put the roast in the oven and turn for two hours. I've been turning for 30 minutes now and I'm dizzy as a goat."
#29
Who cuts these children in half?
onetruemod:
I don't know, but whoever it is seems to be getting worse at their job.
eriken1:
Obviously something is wrong here. If you cut them in half it should be doubled, so the graph is showing the wrong way.
AmazingShoes:
King Solomon, it's just his thing.
#30
The puzzle I bought says "5-6 years", yet I finished it in only 2 years; is there a test I can take to determine how much of a genius I am?
jdllama:
Preliminary results of the data provided by u/Key-phob show that he is not a genius, seeing as how the puzzle itself has two tests in it: the completion of the puzzle, as well as determining your years.
toeofcamell:
Yes if your hand is larger than your face you are a certified genius
MahatmaBuddah:
Well, yes, there are several. One is called the Bus Stop Test. This is where, after talking for five minutes to fellow passengers, a vote is taken about whether you are a genius or not. The result is highly correlated with your level of intelligence!
#31
Are Jupiter’s giant ducks a potential threat to Earth?
Van-garde:
Not unless we aggravate them enough to trigger the “Mallard Reaction.”
anonymous:
Yeah because if they escape they will cause great disturbances in the electroducknetic force that will force the earth out of its duckmetric orbit. Sad stuff
rethinkr:
If you want the long answer, “yes.”
#32
How can I get my bananas to grow like this?
It_Is_Blue:
They do that naturally. Just like sausages, bananas naturally grow very long, but humans cut them short. This makes them easier to peel.
MCBlackJack:
Long answer short, you cant. It would be ridiculous for bananas to grow in a circular fashion and you are dumb for asking that. Those are plantains.
smegmabot:
ah, the rare suburban hose-banana. it is endemic to North America, typically found growing next to houses.
#33
I accidentally spilled someone's cup of dryness. How can I get it back into the cup so they aren't mad at me?
anonymous:
Start pouring water from the boundaries of the dry area. The water will push the dryness back into the cup. Make sure to collect it all
manbearpiglet92:
You're gonna need a shopvac for that. Source: I am a vacuum.
BakaMike:
Try using sponge to soak it back up to soak it up and squeeze back into the cup, best way to do it trust me, I know from experience.
#34
How does this image exist?
anonymous:
Clearly they set the exposure really high and just moved the camera to a new position.
jsquires74:
Progress on the worlds second camera was faster than expected and was completed before the worlds first
Notsure_jr:
We used the Hubble space telescope to look back in time to take this photo.
#35
Why is Duolingo depressed?
Jacksonfpvyt:
Imagine the app changed icon to a sadder one each day you don’t login, until it’s a skeleton and bans you
ARandomNPC01:
He's tired of kidnapping people who refuse to learn spanish
G45X:
Owls typically live between 10 - 12 years in the wild and 16 to 20 years in captivity. Duolingo started in 2012, so he's old A*.
#36
1 or 2?
cephalopodtalisman;
Who the hell wears a tie at the top of their neck
Moose_Nuts1867:
A tie rests on the bottom of your neck, it is not worn up against your chin, therefore number 2 is correct
Mcboomsauce:
Brachiosaurus didnt wear ties, dress clothing was invented in the late cretaceous period....We know this...the T in T rex stands for Tuxedo
#37
What's my blood type?
ethanpo2:
I'm terribly sorry u/kirbysdownb, but the results came in, you've tested positive.
duudas:
Red.
(Source: Certified Medical Porter)
#38
Why are all of these vinyl records in the desert? What do you think is on them?
MyMudEye:
Someone setting a world record?
Funkybeatzzz:
Mostly hard rock since it’s too dry for blue grass.
anonymous:
Well, that's where they are grown. So it really depends on what seeds the artists want to grow there.
#39
Pizza has crust. Earth has crust. Pizza is flat. Doesn't this prove that Earth is flat?
skigoggle:
Pizza dough starts as a ball, though. Only question is whether the earth has been cooked in the cosmic oven yet. Global warming may just be a sign that God has turned the oven to preheat.
peazey:
Ahhhh, but does bread not also have crust?
Edit: Wow! Since this blew up I want to crowd source a question about that scene. If my memory serves me, when the "witch" and the duck hop off the scale it falls hard to the ducks side. Presumably that's the byproduct of rigging it to show she weighs the same as the duck, but was that intentionally part of the film/a sort of meta joke? Or just a byproduct of rigging it so they "weigh the same"? Does anybody know?
Also I love the "it's a fair cop" throwaway line.
#40
Are all the subreddits going private to hide Victoria's Secret?
dunkybones:
They've gone dark because Victoria has a dark secret.
sevelev711:
Well this whole event just peaked right here. No where but downhill from here.
crustymailmanguydude:
If you cross multiply the ayy you can see that the dividend derivative function is exactly equal to lmao and thus we find how this post is very much science related.
#41
I am now 22 years old and my eyesight is worsening, at what point do I get adult supervision?
JackTR314:
An adult older than you, who has it already, needs to give it to you. You must physically be in the presence of an older adult for this happen though.
Adults who already have supervision have been given it in this way. Its a generations-long tradition.
_vargas_:
I'm sure at your age, the process of gaining supervision has already begun. Why aren't you noticing an improvement, then? Most likely because you yourself are the problem. If I had to guess, I'd say you probably have an issue with chronic self pleasure.
And as we all know, excessive self-pleasuring greatly degrades the optic nerve, which causes vision impairment. It's similar to starting and exercise regimen; running five miles a day won't help when you're also eating Five Guys twice daily. So leave your little noodle alone for a few days. Your vision will greatly improve. Over time, you might even be able to see why girls don't like you and never will.
#42
Is this why there's global warming?
Charlitos_Way:
I leave my freezer door open for the same reason
anonymous:
It's part of the reason. Remember this is applicable to all pieces of clothing. Just try and think of all the clothes in the world being worn inside out right now. Their collective heat acclimate to cause global warming. That's why it's called climate change.
#43
I heard Mars has no atmosphere. Could we create an atmosphere by dimming the lights and playing smooth jazz?
DocsMildlyDislikeMe:
Astronomist here !
Unfortunately, Mars has a very rocky and irregular surface, which is not compatible with the smoothness of jazz. The only way to match that rockiness would obviously be to play rock instead, but the resulting atmosphere would then be too hostile for humans. It's an issue that scientists around the world are still trying to overcome.
anonymous:
Isn't Mars red because of the iron? Wouldn't metal be better?
ProcastinatingAgain:
NASA has actually tried this by using one of their rovers, the transmission didn't work to well so the music sounded terrible, this only ended up angering the native Martians whom then started a huge storm and stranded Matt Damon on Mars.
#44
I'm 30 years old and I still have my kidneys. When will my adultneys develop?
redditorfrompluto:
Generally Adultneys are developed when a person starts smoking. It's never too late you know.
KevinsPhallus:
You have kidneys? Do you not walk around much or do you weigh very little that you don't need adult knees
anonymous:
There are a finite number of adultneys in the world. Used to be you harvested yours on your birthday raids on your coming of age year. I remember my coming of age raid. We razed a town out side of Pioria in 1987. Must have gained 9 or 10 adultneys that day. For those of you who havent passed the right, Corner your enemy/romantic rival/kid who made fun of your pp in gym class and rip their kidney out with a rusty meat hook. Then eat them raw to gain their courage and power. You will now have adutneys. SIMPLE as that!
Those were the old ways. The better ways. They pleased the gods with their science. To take your adultneys was a right of passage.
UnclePanda 6 hours ago
Pshaw. Adultknees happen the first time you stand up and make a one of your parents' noises.
#45
If smoking is so bad for you, how come it cures salmon?
Voltwreker:
Salmon don't have lungs, humans do.
If humans didn't have lungs, smoking could cure all diseases.
Jakkol:
Salmon breaths water not air.
Because of this they are immune to harms of smoking, being able to get the huge benefits that were advertised by the smoking companies in the last century.
anothercarguy:
We ahem, I already proved in this sub that smoking isn't bad for you, it makes you live longer.
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