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A recent study showed that about nine in ten Americans (88%) see love as the most important reason to get married. And it totally makes sense. With butterflies running errands in your stomach, making this most important decision of your life just feels like the right thing to do.

But as soon as you tie the knot, the game changes, the cards turn, and a new world of married life opens up to you. Both the biggest blessing, and occasionally a solid curse, living in a family unit with your significant other is full of hilarious little moments.

From finding out your husband eats spaghetti with a spoon, to 79% of your marriage being about texting each other the shared passwords, these are some of the brutally honest tweets from people who know it all too well.

#1

Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

lmegordon Report

Leo Domitrix
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband cannot look behind the orange juice. It's like some sort of law of physics. He cannot move the OJ to find something else. So I hide chocolate there.

Kenny Kulbiski
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When this happens to me I just go buy another one. After a while I have 4 or 5 jars of mustard that I can't find.

Zulma Ruiz
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband is a scientist, but he does not understand simple physics, he hopes that all the objects he needs are in the same place, if he looks for something and it is not in sight, it does not exist. he cannot move things to find others.

Pauline Bennett
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If my husband can't see it with one glance it ain't there.

jaislndgrl
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mine can't bend to find anything. So cakes and good leftovers go on the bottom shelf of the fridge

Lianna Valdez
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Only 3 I can hide it but just turning it around.

Brandi VanSteenwyk
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The men in my family have been raised in the belief that their male-specific body part condemns them to never being able to see what's directly in front of them.

Lisa Shelton
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well my fiance is going blind so sometimes I do this to him on accident

Carrie Laughs
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hope he is coping okay - that you both are. It is a very difficult thing to accept and learn to deal with. I worked for RNIB in the UK and remember reading research that said blindness is one of the most feared disabilities. He will be okay though and manage better than he could ever expect to in time. Good luck.

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Imperfekt
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My daughter came up with this query: Why can't men just move the mustard?

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    #2

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    cherishwithwine Report

    Zophra
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think you can get the same effect by not putting the toilet seat down.

    Nelebo
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Please monitor yourself carefully. If you start mansplaining, go to your nearest hospital and have your armpits surgically removed, asap...

    Sarah Trachtenberg
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I say those things to my daughter and my parents a lot:)

    E Menendez
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also "why do you choose to be so upset"

    Pauline Bennett
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Another comment I'd be using is" now lets try it my way"

    mithril
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Father in law: Honey the grocery store didn't have your favorite granola bar so I got something similar. Mother in law: What the hell is this? Why did you buy this, you had one job and you failed *proceeds to throw the granola bar across the room and storms out* Yeah, no overreacting here and no need to calm down... right ladies?

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    #3

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    MatthewBurnsid7 Report

    로희
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would do the same if I were her. 😆

    Nicole Tomme
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Your lunch is happy to see you!

    Viktor Feurer
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    that's really cute and funny :D

    Areej Amr
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'd scream for that too :)

    Gipsy Kings fan
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    " 🎵 🎶 The neat new spaghetti you can eat with a spoon, uh oh, Spaghetti-Os!" (1960s TV ad)

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    It’s no secret that married life is one heck of a task. Because it’s one thing to meet the love of your life, and another to actually commit to a lifelong healthy relationship.

    In a previous interview with Bored Panda, Suzann Pileggi Pawelski and her husband James Pawelski, the authors of "Happy Together: Using the Science of Positive Psychology to Build Love That Lasts," said that one of the biggest challenges that most newlyweds face is how someone can be sure that they're ready for marriage.

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    Moreover, most newlyweds put all their energy into wedding preparations and totally forget what it’s all about. "A wedding is a magical day, no doubt, and of course something to celebrate, but what about planning for all the days to come in our marriage which is intended to last a lifetime?”

    #4

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    BattyMclain Report

    Nicole Tomme
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    New boredpanda article idea: Questions You Will Regret Asking Your Spouse.

    Nagawa (Cofa) Kishiki
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Answer will be base on whether she use comic sans on that.

    Pauline Bennett
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Every one has annoying habits lover boy.

    Irene Carlyle
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dear Batty, did you survive the evening? (you're sweet!)

    Philly Bob Squires
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She actually let you live? I'm shocked! LOL

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    #5

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    GingerHotDish Report

    Scagsy
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Gonna give alternate hate days a try...

    Blackheart
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That is sound info right there

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    #6

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    thedadvocate01 Report

    Blackheart
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Forwarding to my guidance counselor friend right now.

    Nagawa (Cofa) Kishiki
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's why triangle relationship never work.

    MERCI LANGSTON
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is the only one that I laughed out loud.

    Cybele Spanjaard
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yikes opposites may not attract..raising your kids with an open mind??

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    The book authors claim that most newlyweds believe that happily ever after happens naturally, but that’s wrong. “Research shows it’s healthy habits that build long-term love," they said. Without our effort, a successful marriage is hardly possible.

    “Popular culture seems to romanticize marriage, making people think that once you get married, you can merely ride off into the sunset together. That’s obviously not the case. It takes work." The couple concluded that healthy relationships take hard work, just like everything that's worth going for in life.

    #7

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    ericspiegelman Report

    Scagsy
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Funny cos it's true lol

    Koalamonster
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For a while my husband was the primary earner, and I took care of the house stuff mostly. I got very used to things around the house being done the way I do them. Recently we've had a reversal where I'm working and my husband is taking care of the house. Even with not ever seeming to fold any 2 towels the same way during laundry he still hasn't landed on the one that makes them stack nicely in the closet. Who cares how towels are folded, he asks. Apparently I do, and more than I ever realized.

    Carrie Laughs
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I roll them. Easier to do and easier to remove a rolled towel from a stack - eg if you need a bigger one from under some smaller ones.

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    Sarah Trachtenberg
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I was married, my then-husband and I used to play a game called "whose mother-in-law is worse?" Similarly, it had no winners, only losers. Although I guess our moms were winning by annoying us.

    Nicole Tomme
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have played this game. I hate this game.

    Yana Friman
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh, those arguments about the toilet paper roll... the science hasn't decided yet, how it should be hanging (tearing part closer to the wall or vice versa)..))

    Carrie Laughs
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Good grief, no!!! Hanging flap out away from the wall! Unless you have pets... Or small children... 😁

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    ML
    Community Member
    5 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view

    Pauline Bennett
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A game with no winners why you are adults mentally I assume?

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    #8

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    mollytolsky Report

    Alex K
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    me and my wife blame all the missing food on "the racoon" that comes and steals it.

    Salamiponi
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I often blame our 70+ neighbour across the street. Who ate all the candies? Lennart. Why is there so much dirty dishes here? Lennart was here :D

    What's In Your Head?
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is actually a great idea... Seriously. Except I'd blame the leprechauns.

    Demongrrrrl
    Community Member
    Premium
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Blame the pixies. They are also the ones that ride my cat when she's doing one of her mad dashes from one end of the house to the other.

    MrOwlAteMyMetalWorm.
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The day Cheryl calls for intervention you guys are doomed!

    Courtney Christelle
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Time for a meeting with HR (aka the cat).

    N G
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Cheryl been eating all of the scooby snacks in my house

    Kris Vandenberghe
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We have Arthur the ghost. He leaves the lights on, forgets to put out the garbage, never closes doors... He was invented when the children still home but he stayed put after. My husband and I haven't had an argument for years about the little annoying things but a lot of fun when we still blame Arthur our very own ghost.

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    #9

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    maryfairybobrry Report

    Scagsy
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The inventor of AutoCorrect is going straight to Hull

    Anonymous
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was laughing so hard for no reason

    Lara McIntyre
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Could have been worse! I once sent a message to my friend saying "How's your DAY going?" Auto correct changed DAY to DAD. Awkward thing was her Dad had died 6yrs earlier! She replied with "I don't think much has changed. He's still dead" I was horrified and couldn't stop apologising!!

    Fernando
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And my wife answered to a friend who sent her a picture of her baby, "Que rico tu nene" ("so cute your son is" in Spanish) but the autocorrect changed to "Que rico tu pene" (so tasty your d**k is).

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    Tom Fish
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why did she need to save the muffin tho? what was it doing?

    Sue Knerl
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OMG! I laughed so hard the tears ran down my leg!

    FireStone Beware
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Who invented auto correct? Oh yeah, I remember throwing em in hell a few years beck

    Joe Edwards
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    People that blame autocorrect annoy me, you can turn it off.

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    #10

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    CrockettForReal Report

    Andrew Gibb
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    or I don't want any fries- then she eats yours

    Harold Summer
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is much more common. And God forbid if she asks for a bite of my hamburger. Her jaw literally unhinges for the largest bite possible.

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    Leo Domitrix
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Uh, excuse me. Been with my hubby nearly 30 years, and he is a fry thief. I never steal his fries. He steals mine. Every. Single. Stinking. Time. Even when I put tabasco on 'em.

    Toasty
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She doesn't touch my damn fries. If she wants fries, she can order them. Hell, I will even buy them for her, but no, not the ones in front of me.

    Nicole Tomme
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What I have learned: get/make extra fries

    PaulV
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If she says, 'Not thanks, I don't want any ice cream," get a scoop for her. She's going to eat it while saying that she didn't want any. But she'll eat it.

    CatWoman312
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can eat your snacks, but you can’t have mine

    Mshauri Mazuri
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or I'm not hungry then eat all your food.

    Cake lady
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Priceless because it’s true!

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    #11

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    mommajessiec Report

    Faith Nicole
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I get up at the first sound of my alarm while my boyfriend on the other hand, let it go off anywhere from 30, to 60 minutes every 5 minutes until i get passed off to the point of going in the room and annoying the hell out of him (he works 3rd shift, im cudrently out of work due to the pandemic)

    Cybele Spanjaard
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hahahhaaahahahaa housebound truth hurts sometimes

    Sel Bonda
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That early bird gets 'alatm'ed!

    Hollie Newton
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is my partner he has like 6 different alarms each five to ten minutes apart

    Pauline Bennett
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Easy to rectify don" set the damn thing stay cozy.

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    #12

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    RachelNoise Report

    Blackheart
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Things change. In the beginning, I was out of his league, now he is out of my league.

    Pauline Bennett
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Frankly I am way out of his league. But I'm still considered inferior.

    Cal
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm sorry to hear that you feel that way Pauline. I hope you have people to discuss that with. You deserve to feel acknowledged.

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    thememyselfandi
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As long as you're on par, or still a little above, it'll be fine. :-)

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    #13

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    simoncholland Report

    Ivana
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I got this 24 hour bug once on vacation at the beach. I begged my husband to rub me because my entire body hurt like hell. He said we should rub each other since we were both sore from swimming. I told him that was not it, I was sick but in the end I got nothing because he was to 'sore' too. Two days later, the bug cycles to him, he is dying, begs me to rub him. I suggest we rub each other since we are both sore, but he says I don't understand and he is really sick. After arguing that I had the same thing he says, "Well it must have mutated because mine is far worse." I am shocked he lived, I will never know where I got the self-control not to kill him.

    TheCatasaurusMeowMom
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    True story. I had H1N1, husband caught a cold. He spent more time in bed whining than I did. Somehow we're still married 11 years later without me being arrested.

    Karen Wilkins
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can't be the only one who had to read that three times. Okay four

    Sue Knerl
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It is, you guys are huge babies when you have a cold.

    Donny Gerdes
    Community Member
    5 years ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    Brad Hertzler
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A cold is an inconvenience. I don't see how some guys get so whiney. Blow your nose, take some medicine, drink some orange juice and troop on. I'm a cook and colds don't slow me done one iota.

    Pippa Runs
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My husband says he knows what being in labor feels like because he’s had a cold.

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    #14

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    TheCatWhisprer Report

    Scagsy
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ROFL - totally true. Do NOT mess with bed boundaries

    Andrew Gibb
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    bed boundaries seem to leave me with about a 5th of the bed and non of the duvet...

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    Mshauri Mazuri
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Me and my partner actually have separate beds but on the same room. For practical reasons. The bed was separated by a little night stand. And we argue less cause we always get a better sleep.

    Zophra
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "You're breathing my air."

    Leo Domitrix
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My hubby: "How'd you get that bruise?!" Me: YOUR KNEE!

    Josh Tall
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We sleep in separate rooms because my dog won't let her dog on the bed!!! We had my dog for a year longer...

    Pauline Bennett
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My hubby rolls over he's huge, I had to put bed a bed rail on my side.

    Lsai Aeon
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    easy remedy, I get the bed, hubby sleeps in the recliner

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    #15

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    survivingmommy_ Report

    Alexandra Lewis
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That is brilliant. Why didn't I think of this? I have to rely on being able to recognise the sound of my partner's car as he pulls into the drive and a speedy reaction with the TV control.

    Diana
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    haha, I can hear him walking up the stairs and jingling the keys.

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    Scagsy
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I swear that my wife already does this. I swear it!

    pusheen buttercup
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mine doesn't care if I'm cleaning when he's home :) we get the house running well enough. He knows I work hard he doesn't need to see it. I know he works hard, I don't need to witness it

    BG
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My wife needs to know when I'm pulling into our street so that she can ask me to pick up a few things from the store.

    Caesar Adkerson
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was taking care of my sister while she got cancer treatments and we moved her family to a new house. I would work from sun up until bed time. One day I am taking a minute to enjoy my coffee and my brother in law comes into the drive way. I threw the wet dirty rags into the kitchen floor and started scrubbing on my knees. No way was I going to be seen not working!

    Jane Moore
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I was at home alone with the kids I used to spray furniture polish in the air so that the other half would think that I had been hard at work polishing the furniture -

    Shelley Russell
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    LOL, I taught my daughter to do the same!

    Rose Brien Harrington
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't need to track mine, he doesn't drive but goes to work by boat, I collect him from the pier every evening. He couldn't evade me if he tried!

    Linda HS
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yup! I agree...the same here🙃

    Celtic Pirate Queen
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OMG - I do that! My husband calls me on his way home from work (he has to drive a pretty treacherous road) so I know I have about 25 minutes to shower and look like I've actually been doing something productive with my "at home" time.

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    #16

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    3sunzzz Report

    AntiNutjob
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Now THAT is how you do passive agressive

    Darwinist
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Now you will be aggressive and throw throw pillows at him.

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    Brendan Hills
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Throw Pillows" are called that for a reason :-D

    Pauline Bennett
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don't underestimate me I can go from lady to bat s**t crazy in 2 seconds.

    Ivana
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My husband like the pillows. When we first started dating I remember him arranging all the pillows in such away that it cradled his whole body and he said, "This is why men date women...the pillows." I asked, "Why not just buy pillows?" Him, "Because we are men, men do not buy pillows, we buy a pillow...the cheapest pillow...because it is the manly thing to do." Cutest thing in the world is when I would wake up he would switch from spooning me to spooning a pillow with the dogs all snuggled around him.

    Linda HS
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I bought fuchsia color bedsheets!!!😂🤣😂🤣

    Toasty
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I go to bed later than my wife. She recreates my shape with throw pillows, which I have to toss on the floor when I go to bed.

    chi-wei shen
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Pillow fights might lead to something much nicer.

    Victoria Rey Piuma
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Finally! I have never understood the damn things! Now their true purpose has been revealed! All those years i've missed out on.....

    Valerie G.
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Madam, I bow at your feet, that is indeed magnificent.

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    #17

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    GoodSheWrites Report

    Rissie
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ah, the good old days before Corona.

    The Hufflepuff Bookworm
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I literally just got back from my local cinema about half an hour ago. The ones in England are open

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    Sel Bonda
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yep. You really write good!

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    #18

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    Lhlodder Report

    Josh Tall
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My grands have been married for almost 65 yrs. Without fail, every morning, my grandfather walks up to my grandmother pats her on her butt and says good morning, girl!

    Aria Whitaker
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I do this to my husband...he jokingly scowls at me and says "Hey! I do the butt-grabbing around here!!"...then smiles. I love that man.

    shinshige
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Husband here. I will confirm this is completely accurate.

    Diana Cartwright
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Awww for the first time in my life I feel like I'd like to try this marriage thing.

    Koalamonster
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    honestly it's really decent. As long as you wait for the correct person and don't get married just to be married it's a pretty good time. Also if you don't want kids you've gotta be ready for a couple years post-wedding where people ask 'when are you guys having a baby?' That, for me, was the most annoying part of being married. Otherwise it's been a good decade.

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    NAS
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm 45, and my parents are 64 & 65. But they always act like horny teens, grabbing butts & making completely inappropriate comments to each other in front of people, as several boyfriends & a spouse can attest to. I constantly tell them that you can still mentally scar your adult children, but They. Don't. Care. Is this what 46 years of marriage does to people?

    Cybele Spanjaard
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    er.. really..he is a touchy fellow.. isn't he.why not 'whop his butt' next time to make up double time?

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    #19

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    sixfootcandy Report

    Pauline Bennett
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A husband is just a child his mommy couldn't handle any more.

    Zero-Light
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Double standard sexism, change this to 'wife' and prepare for the interweb to gasp in horror.

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    NMN
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm very vocal, but my husband learned that he can ignore sometimes (except when I can't find my jacket/phone/keys, I want real help with those)

    TheCatasaurusMeowMom
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Point in fact: My husband says, "Thanks Mom," when I get his lunch packed for work. I also have an 18 y/o son that wouldn't say that if his life depended on it, unless there was money in there.

    Freya the Wanderer
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Q: What's the difference between a man and a government bond? A: The government bond matures.

    Celtic Pirate Queen
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I remind my husband that I'm that nice lady who always makes sure he has clean underwear, so when he's in "the home" he'll remember me.

    Cybele Spanjaard
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The little boy still rules the man all too often

    chi-wei shen
    Community Member
    5 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Also adults sometimes can't find their jacket, get hungry, need a nap, and have the urge to be nagging like little children.

    #20

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    TheNYAMProject Report

    Cassie
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My husband and I had lost a lot of weight doing an alternate day fasting diet a few years ago. A few weeks ago, I pointed out that we were putting weight on again and asked if he wanted to go on the diet again with me because it's easier when we do it together, but he didn't want to. A few days ago, he finally weighed himself, then came rushing out demanding that we both get back on the diet again. 0.o XD

    Ami Temi
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Good luck! Alternate day fasting is a really good method.

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    Luisa Vasconcelos
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Next time he says that, just put a mirror in front of him, so the" we "starts making sense.

    Lynn Morello
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have been getting that lately, but he still asks for biscuits and Ice cream.

    Cake lady
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That might work if “we” actually did some cooking. Until then it’s all me baby.

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    #21

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    Kids_kubed Report

    martin Phiri
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If that aint love i dont know what is

    Cybele Spanjaard
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don't then you would have to toss it out and answer questions. Put some heady only girlie likes perfume on it ..or some pepper until you can change the pillow case..

    Leslie Burleson
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The older you get, the more serious this pillow snatching is

    Sel Bonda
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why not smother him with smooches! Kind a appy yending..

    Pauline Bennett
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Learning living and life are different.

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    #22

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    XplodingUnicorn Report

    Nagawa (Cofa) Kishiki
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "At least I did the right thing by marrying you" is the correct comeback.

    Pauline Bennett
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Back off. I've got enough to deal with, without making your death look like an accident.

    Darwinist
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Either that or your wife is doing her life wrong

    #23

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    sixfootcandy Report

    SandraG_lak
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She says while wearing said glasses.

    Suzy Lee Ferry
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    you could even say 'stands up for it every time'

    Pauline Bennett
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You learn a lot about people when they don't get what they want.

    Martin Roy
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    evil genius vs silly man- unfair advantage

    Borgia 137
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I read one good. Guy left his phone in the kitchen. While he sat with his wife watching tv in the living room, he got a text message. He went to the kitchen to check it. It was: while you're there, can you bring me coke fom the fridge? 😂

    Susan Miller
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Short term memory goes first....

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    #24

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    iwearaonesie Report

    AntiNutjob
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Damn now I'm worried I'm doing milk wrong

    Tiny Dynamine
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes, it should stay inside the bottle/ carton.

    SirPatTheCat
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    *dumps bottle of milk into the vegetable drawer*

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    chi-wei shen
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There is a wrong way for everything, even for cleaning the house. Trust me, I speak from experience.

    Bente
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Especially for cleaning the house...

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    chaos kitten
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    my dad always puts the milk on the right cos he opens the fridge door with his right hand and takes the milk with his left and until i read this i didnt realise that he pulled a pavlov on me and i am a trained monkey :/

    Imperfekt
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You see, It's things like this that should be covered in Premarital counseling.

    pat manna
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i was corrected about this recently. we have been married 45 years

    Cybele Spanjaard
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is there? Like which way does the lo roll face on the holder thing?

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    #25

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    Beagz Report

    Night Owl
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "I am your wife" (told with your voice)

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    Pauline Bennett
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Marriage is when dating goes to far.

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    #26

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    mommajessiec Report

    Hunter Spencer
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    4. WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS DEBATING ME????!!!!

    Philly Bob Squires
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yup... Just like the voice of an angel after 20 years of marriage now sounds like the smoke alarm...

    Cybele Spanjaard
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Must be the nervousness never noticed before?

    elfin
    Community Member
    Premium
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    4. WHY ARE YOU BREATHING AT ALL?!

    Kim Lorton
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or ... why do you always escalate any conversation we have?? Me: why do you leave out pertinent information the first time and then tell me "I told you this already!!" He has very selective hearing and I swear , goes completely deaf, when asked to remember anything I've said to him!!

    Darth Vader
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    5. Wait. I’m about to file the divorce agreement.

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    #27

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    sarahcpr Report

    Izzy_
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The good old days when psychopaths only existed in movies XD

    Pauline Bennett
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The Exorcist is also an anxiety deterrent.

    Danieletc
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Please tell me his name is Jack. Or Johnnie.

    NAS
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yay! Sarah Cooper is so awesomely funny!

    Janet Bird
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I read BoredPandas my eyes leak.

    Lynn Morello
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That is when you know real life is really bad.

    Sharon Dean
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Jericho here.........thank heavens for Netflix!

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    #28

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    dadmann_walking Report

    Josh Tall
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    UHHH...Elephants are silent walkers...

    b l a n c
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i really hope that last part is a joke cause this is hilarious

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    #29

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    TheNYAMProject Report

    Donny Gerdes
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have a friend that whenever his wife gets mad at him he tightens the jar of pickles as hard as he can to force her to come to him to open it forcing her to speak to him lol married 60 years

    Pauline Bennett
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We've be married 41 years my favorite saying is - Why don't you think.?

    Erica
    Community Member
    5 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lol clearly the downvote is for someone who doesn’t get the nuances of married humor!

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    Crystalyn Snyder
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My parents will be married 50 years next year and flip each other off and call it hallway sex.

    Celtic Pirate Queen
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My former in-laws had been married for quite a while. I once asked my MIL how long exactly, and her answer was "45 years. 45 VERY LONG YEARS".

    Cybele Spanjaard
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He is still in the 'I wonder why?" phase

    Lola
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I heard my mom say, “ughh he’s back already” the other day. And they have that normal, crazy relationship you have after 40 something years.

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    #30

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    XplodingUnicorn Report

    Francis
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    and the kids stay over at their grandparents house i hope :D

    Ruth Beaty
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh man, my favorite kind of anniversary! We stopped trying to go out after our 12th, too much effort.

    Meami
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yep. Perfect anniversary gift.= and currently COVID friendly. He left out the part about food delivery tho.

    #31

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    maryfairybobrry Report

    Sarah Trachtenberg
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Did he lie and say he was cheating on you with a woman to cover up the pizza truth?

    Martin Roy
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    a woman is always suspicious that her husband is cheating (because once there was a hair on his work jacket), but never finds evidence. One day, after examining his work clothes of that day and finding absolutely nothing, she starts crying. Hubby asks what's wrong, knowing her activities. She replies through tears, "Now, you've gone too far. This was the last straw. Now it's bald women!"

    Pauline Bennett
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A pizza cheater - is pepperoni grounds for divorce!

    #32

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    dlicj Report

    WilvanderHeijden
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Now imagine what would have happened if he mentioned that super tan lady they saw walking down the street last week....

    Darth Vader
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why would I care about that super tan lady. Ar you in love with her? Should I file for a divorce agreement?

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    Elizabeth Wilkins
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    the sad thing is I can say "hey honey, thats the actor that was in that movie with that chick about the thing" and Y'all I swear to God he gives me both actors name and the movie name. Maybe thats just impressive. Idk.

    Pauline Bennett
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I do that to my hubby . Then he asks me where I learned to speak jibberish so fluently.

    Valerie G.
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My husband once went on a business trip to Vancouver, upon his return he handed me a piece of paper of everyone who wanted to say hi, it included one of our Toronto neighbours he ran into on the street there.

    Cybele Spanjaard
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Some women notice other women when men never even see them, then they get mad if he says he didn't anyway!!

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    #33

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    XplodingUnicorn Report

    Thenatural
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This guy posts a lot...about his wife,his kids...and it seems his entire life is played out with a dialogue from a sitcom...seriously..I can almost hear the canned laughter with every tweet!

    Lisa Shelton
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well yeah, he basically writes comedy and has several books out.

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    Tiny Dynamine
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It reminds me of when someone says "Can I ask you a question?" Even if we reply 'no', they'll ask it anyway. What is the point of that?

    Pamela24
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Basically an expression. It's an established way to be polite when asking a question.

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    Josh Tall
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The issue is that the wives don't understand that we complain because we don't want to do it, but we do it anyway!

    Susan Miller
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Always a good plan to have back up!

    Pauline Bennett
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    MY hubby doesn't complain if I ask but I have to ask every time.

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    #34

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    maryfairybobrry Report

    Josh Tall
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Our kitchen isn't even big enough for both of us to be in it at the same time

    Julie
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I find it wonderful that they unload the dishwasher together, that is practically unheard of.

    Stephanie Did It
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well that's at least better than hall sex.

    Celtic Pirate Queen
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I bought Del Taco for dinner last night. At 1:00am I couldn't take it anymore & went to sleep on the couch. I left him a note (he leaves for work at 0:00 dark thirty) next to his keys and lunch bag letting him know he had basically farted me out of our bedroom.

    Chelsea Shimell
    Community Member
    5 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    This is really depressing

    Pauline Bennett
    Community Member
    5 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    I guess sad can be funny but I really can relate.

    chi-wei shen
    Community Member
    5 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Where is the fun in this marriage?

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    #35

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    mommajessiec Report

    Scagsy
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My wife says I don't listen. The other day she was going on about eating healthy and some other stuff.

    Rose Brien Harrington
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm with your wife on this. My current tradition is that whenever I want to say something to my husband I just give an incoherent mumble and wait for the "what?". I'm not going to waste a perfectly formulated sentence on someone who isn't listening anyway.

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    Pauline Bennett
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I know the feeling, though it was selective hearing, turns out he's going deaf.

    Kelly Bailey
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My husband says ‘what?’... when I’m speaking to someone else. In another room. But when I’m standing in front of him, speaking directly to him, in a louder ‘tone’, and saying his name to preface whatever I’m saying... nothing... just nothing.

    Ashlie Casey
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The other 20% is doing it yourself because it's easier than repeating.

    Nicole Tomme
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Every dang day. Gets even worse when you have children.

    John Montgomery
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Indeed. Especially when one says something from the bathroom of silence.

    Sarah Trachtenberg
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Me while married: "Andy, the white noise is talking to you!"

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    #36

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    TheCatWhisprer Report

    WillemPenn
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Does this include what the other person did in your dreams? Cause last night in my dream my husband went on vacation without me but this morning he refuses to apologize like "I don't even know why you are mad at me!" Oh you know why, Bob. You know why.

    Luisa Vasconcelos
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How he dare not to apologize when he is totally guilty of what he did in your dreams.

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    Rose Brien Harrington
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My cousin woke up and promptly started a rip roaring argument with her boyfriend over things he'd said to her. She got all the more angry when he denied having said them. It was only over the course of the morning that we realised she had dreamt it all. She wasn't even going to apologise to him until I made her do it!!!

    Leo Domitrix
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah. Guilty. I tell him how Dream-Him was a total a-hat, and Real Him better hug me to make me feel better!

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    #37

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    XplodingUnicorn Report

    David Martin
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My girlfriend will randomly return from the gas station with a 32oz soda for me if I haven't gone with her that time. Not every time, like two out of three, so it's a surprise when it happens. It's a small thing, but to me, that's a part of the love language; It says she loves me and was thinking of me

    Mewton’s Third Paw
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Your love language is Receiving Gifts! Mine is too. It’s not about what they get for you. It’s about the fact that they thought of you and always had you in the front of their mind.

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    BG
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My wife's love language is cheesecake. My wife is on a keto diet. #KobyashiMaru

    Amy Hansen
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ours is carnations from the grocery store.

    Pauline Bennett
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My hubby's love language is food and lots of it.

    Albert Novak
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sound so like a recipe for morbid obesity—the soda comment ESPECIALLY

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    #38

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    mommajessiec Report

    chi-wei shen
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This does sound familiar and 5 years isn't the limit.

    Reagan Maher
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I Belive infact that is the least amount to mention

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    WilvanderHeijden
    Community Member
    5 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And don't forget to remind him of the things he didn't do, but that you expected he would do because you had told him times and times again he wouldn't have to do them.

    Celtic Pirate Queen
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Our conversations usually go something like "Who was that guy that was in that one movie? No, not that guy, the other one". Matt Damon? - YES! We also speak to each other in movie quotes.

    Martin Roy
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    aaarrghhhh, I hated that about my ex.

    #39

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    MetteAngerhofer Report

    Mark Serbian
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You should have claimed it was not intended for him ... THAT gets things moving

    Erica
    Community Member
    5 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Once I sent my husband a picture of my breasts and he responded with “how do you have a picture of *so and sos” boobs?!” It was a long weekend..... Edit: it’s a long story but I assure you all was/is well

    alwaysMispelled
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How the f**k did your husband not recognize your boobs?!?!

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    Amanda
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Was that meant for someone else.. Are you cheating on me!?" Haha

    #40

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    mom_ontherocks Report

    Kate Yeti
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    😆 A few months after moving in to our home, our elderly neighbors were out working in their yard when the wife yelled ""OH, SHOVE IT UP YOUR #$%!" and stomped inside, slamming the door. My husband and I looked at each other lovingly and agreed that we want to be just like them when we grow old.

    Caesar Adkerson
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I also always looked at those happy couples with suspicion until I became one.... Even after 7 years of being together 24/7 we tell each other that we love them on a daily basis.... It is sickening.

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    #42

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    sarabellab123 Report

    Borgia 137
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Warning: TMI Well, honestly i wear them all year long except for my period(when i use normal pads). Not for urine, but a discharge. I hate it on panties. But that's the price for being "ready" all the time, so i don't. complain.

    #43

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    mom_ontherocks Report

    Tiny Dynamine
    Community Member
    5 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Women are known for being immaculately tidy with their clothes, of course.

    #44

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    PinkCamoTO Report

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    #45

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    IndecisiveJones Report

    Pau Tea
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    True. I always feel like my partner is not on my side when he doesn't hate the things/people I hate. Oh, the betrayal!

    Salamiponi
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I found that person and I did marry him. It's just that NOW he admits that he doesn't actually hate all those things I hate...

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    #46

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    Social_Mime Report

    Lousha
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And you're surprised. *sigh...* :D

    #47

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    DadBroDad1 Report

    Tiny Dynamine
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's a lot to drink in one go!

    BG
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've noticed that you're getting downvoted alot. Sarcasm rarely works on Boredpanda comments. You have to be a bit like Andy Kaufman and be content in knowing that you're the only one in the room who gets the joke.

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    Faith Nicole
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How? How does one do this? I'm always out of conditioner way before the shampoo. Congrats to your wife for defying the odds

    #48

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    Roy_oh_Roy Report

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    #50

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    simoncholland Report

    Harold Summer
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This year I thought I remembered before she did and texted her "Happy Anniversary". Only to find out she had emailed me "Happy Anniversary" 30 minutes earlier. So close.

    #51

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    XplodingUnicorn Report

    Scagsy
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    *Wakes up halfway through* Wait.. pause it. What did I miss? Must have nodded off there for a sec.

    Mewton’s Third Paw
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can only watch movies in the afternoon because of this!

    WilvanderHeijden
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Worse, she insists on some boring movie. Falls asleep but wakes up when I switch to another movie. "I was just closing my eyes for a second..."

    A Random Panda
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My dad when we're watching One Piece falls asleep, so we have moved him to the armchair from the sofa.

    #52

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    sarcasticmommy4 Report

    rspanther
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sounds like a country song.

    Jennifer Crompton
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How is it possible that the woman in that picture could be married for 20 years?!? She looks no older than 30!

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    #53

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    mommajessiec Report

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    #55

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    TheCatWhisprer Report

    Just JoLynn
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is why I take pictures of items I know my husband won't remember and text them to him.

    Mewton’s Third Paw
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lol! How the f**k do they manage to end up all doing things like this!?

    Toni Carroll
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wife: dear, pick up some pickles. This brand, this size, this flavor. Hubby: Comes home with a big jar of jam. The flavor wife hates

    #56

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    RodLacroix Report

    AntiNutjob
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Some people really do walk loudly. Trust me, we have floorboards.

    Tiari
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah well, some people DO stomp like elephants. As everyone who ever lived in an apartment building can confirm. There are the neighbours you never hear a peep of and those you hear every single step. And it has nothing to do with sex or weight.

    Lousha
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well my father complains that my mom is eating apples too loud so...

    Leo Domitrix
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My husband's nickname was "Lord ThunderFoot" for the longest time.

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    #57

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    reallifemommy3 Report

    MERCI LANGSTON
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't get this one. But it in a way I can't explain.

    Little Dino
    Community Member
    5 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think it means 2020 has felt as long as 43 years. I may be entirely wrong though... Hope it helps! :)

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    #58

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    KentWGraham Report

    BG
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She has no idea where her phone is, it's in silent mode... (it's in her bra).

    #59

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    PoodleSnarf Report

    Alex K
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    yes , you are supposed to say your wife's name, then skip

    #60

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    Divergentmama Report

    Mewton’s Third Paw
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lmao!! How is this so low? This is the entire relationship experience.

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    #61

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    sarcasticmommy4 Report

    Mewton’s Third Paw
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hahahahaha we’ve done this too. “Thanks for going for me!”

    Mark Serbian
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You missed your shot. you have to wait until he's checking out to ask for him to pick up more stuff

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    #62

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    mommajessiec Report

    Brenda
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My husband would SO say that! He can turn the most innocent comment into a sexual innuendo. Or is that all men?

    #63

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    smerobin Report

    Tiny Dynamine
    Community Member
    5 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    I'm so glad I made a vow never to marry.

    #64

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    Peauxtassium Report

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    #67

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    Lhlodder Report

    #68

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    mommajessiec Report

    *sigh*, The Yellow Teletubby
    Community Member
    5 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    no her 10 year old child coincidentally has the same name as the baby that she was going to have at her baby shower 10 years ago, and it is completely by coincidence that they would share the same birthday. That baby that she was supposed to have is hidden in the void now. There is no return.

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    #69

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    Lhlodder Report

    Leo Domitrix
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I started asking my husband directly to not leave dirty socks all over the house in 1993. It's 2020. He still does it, then says he "forgot". I had his doctor check his hearing, sense of smell, an deyesight. All good. He just apparently likes the "dirty sock" home decor.

    Remi Flynne
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dogs help prevent this. They will happily chew up the socks and so, pretty soon, socks don't get left on the floor.

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    Thalia Lovering
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They only get orders, not innuendos.

    WilvanderHeijden
    Community Member
    5 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Because just asking a man to do something is too complicated?

    NMN
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She is not his boss and he is a grown up, he should be able to do his share without needing someone to manage him

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    #70

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    TheNYAMProject Report

    manon M
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    😂😂😂 mais tant d'amour !!

    #72

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    TheNYAMProject Report

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    #73

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    RodLacroix Report

    BG
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's 85F, you'll probably need to bring a sweater. My wife keeps a blanket in my convertible for summer drives.

    Cassie
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My husband just asks Alexa.

    Kenny Kulbiski
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Go outside? Turn on the weather channel and wait for your local weather. That's the benefit of modern technology.

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    #74

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    Cheeseboy22 Report

    Coleen
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Check the basement for pods.

    The Hufflepuff Bookworm
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How!? The last time I checked, this is humanly impossible

    #75

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    maryfairybobrry Report

    Harold Summer
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    LOL. Maybe he thinks your love language is "Acts of Service"

    #76

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    mack44_d Report

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    #77

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    UncleDuke1969 Report

    Dorothy Parker
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Unless it's your blood I see nothing wrong with this.

    WilvanderHeijden
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's domestic violence, mental cruelty and a psychopathy diagnosis combined.

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    #78

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    daddydoubts Report

    Leeann Morey
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My dad is like this with his silverware.

    #79

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    simoncholland Report

    #80

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    ThugRaccoons Report

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    #81

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    not_thenanny Report

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    #82

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    karanbirtinna Report

    Irina Deneva-Slav
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We shorties can climb on chairs. And on counters.

    vogonpoet
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I get told off for using chairs. It's against "health and safety". So I just go get the step ladder.

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    Xandra, The Little Hufflepuff
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don't think we won't find them, we short people have our ways

    Brenda
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We simply don't tell you when we buy the good stuff and put it where you'll never look - like in the tampon box or our sock drawer

    JuJu
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My beloved giant is doing this all the time. My SPN DVDs, the TV remote, my Batman-onsie... aarrgh

    #84

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    graceupongracie Report

    WilvanderHeijden
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They'd be able to find them if they hadn't moved in 68 million years like the triceratops skull. Just stop moving things!!!

    Dorothy Parker
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The skull was buried in a frat prank in 1925.

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    #85

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    HenpeckedHal Report

    Remi Flynne
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Roll your towels! They store without creases and look good on shelves. Easy to see different ones if you are after a specific towel. Stacking folded towels... pfft.

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    #86

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    RodLacroix Report

    Mewton’s Third Paw
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is the number one funny argument I have with my fiancé all the time!! Why are you putting the dishes in that way!? How can he think pots could go on the bottom? Just let me do the dishes then! But no. Even after years, he always did his share of dishes but still puts them in the WRONG WAY!

    Carrie Laughs
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Look up the best place to put pots. Unless you have a weird dishwasher the bottom IS recommended. Besides if people load the dishwasher incorrectly let them unload the dishwasher, if things don't come out clean they will learn.

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    chi-wei shen
    Community Member
    5 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    You're married so everything you're doing could be wrong depending on your wife's mood.

    WilvanderHeijden
    Community Member
    5 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    You're married so everything you're doing will be wrong independent of your wife's mood. There I fixed it for you. ;)

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    #87

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    simoncholland Report

    #88

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    simoncholland Report

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    #89

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    SladeWentworth Report

    Dl B
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In our house it is one degree colder. She needs an extra blanket for every degree I turn it down.

    Remi Flynne
    Community Member
    5 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There is strong evidence to back up the idea that women are more sensitive to the cold. A 2015 study by Dutch scientists found that women are comfortable at a temperature 2.5C warmer than men, typically between 24-25C. Men and women have roughly the same core body temperature, in fact, some studies have found the female core body temperature is slightly higher. However, our perception of temperature depends more on skin temperature which, for women, tends to be lower. However, it will change. When she hits the menopause it will be completely the other way.

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    #91

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    VodkaAndCheeze Report

    WilvanderHeijden
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Put soup in dish, put dish in microwave. Repeat 12 times.

    Scagsy
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My wife does this in reverse. By which I don't mean puts away 12 dishes. The other reverse. Never mind.

    #92

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    maryfairybobrry Report

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    #93

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    _troyjohnson Report

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    #94

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    RodLacroix Report

    #95

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    thedadvocate01 Report

    #96

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    daddydoubts Report

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    #98

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    RodLacroix Report

    #100

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    mom_ontherocks Report

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    #101

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    lmegordon Report

    Scagsy
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We call my dad TADWEL - Thinking About Dinner While Eating Lunch

    Jennifer Brown
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OMG! my mom starts planning dinner at breakfast!!

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    #102

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    TheCatWhisprer Report

    Lsai Aeon
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I do this with my son, except he's in his room and I'm in the living room...

    #103

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    thedad Report

    WilvanderHeijden
    Community Member
    5 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Our plates are round, yet somehow I manage to put them with the wrong side up in the dishwasher.

    Lucas
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Our plates are square and my partner used to put them in with a corner pointing downwards. Asked them not to and yet they carried on. I had to physically show them that the point was being hit by the spray arm.

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    StinkyMonkey
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My demands are simple: don't put things in the dishwasher diagonally for f*cks's sake and leave enough space between them so the water can actually get to the dirt! But no, apparently I'm difficult and 'he can never do it right'. 🙄

    Mewton’s Third Paw
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    MEGA 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄😲 lol

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    Mark Serbian
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is a topic that should be taught in, like, eighth grade...

    Tiny Dynamine
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I really don't like dishwashers. It would take me ages to put enough stuff in there to justify using it. I used to have one in one flat I lived in and used it twice in a year and a half.

    NMN
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yep, and I always see nasty stuff that dishwasher didn't clean right, when I visit friends/grandparebts/ILs and end up having to wash manually (they never notice and I have to show them). Just at my moms, we're they pre-clean before loading the dishwasher that I don't see nasty stuff

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    Mewton’s Third Paw
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Anything remotely cup or bowl shaped has to go on top! How is that SO HARD!?

    Lucas
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Depends on the size of the bowl... large ones like mixing bowls definitely go on the bottom.

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    #104

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    SladeWentworth Report

    Lsai Aeon
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    my husband doesn't understand this concept, which is why he sleeps in the recliner in the living room...

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    #106

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    3sunzzz Report

    #107

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    mommajessiec Report

    #108

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    bexley_lucy Report

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    #109

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    pro_worrier_ Report

    Ian Koch
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i'm confused and laughing at the same time

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    #110

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    TheNYAMProject Report

    Julie
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My dad would take his fork full of spaghetti and twirl it around on the spoon to make a ball which was easier and less sloppy putting it in your mouth.

    #111

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    DadBroDad1 Report

    Harold Summer
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's a statement that you failed in the past, and you are already flunking this test.

    #112

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    RunOldMan Report

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    #113

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    3sunzzz Report

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    #114

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    mommajessiec Report

    Scagsy
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "I'm Fine" is the equivalent of lighting the blue touch paper. Keep your distance

    Shelp
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, this is stupid, just express yourself already.

    Giles McArdell
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I always treat "I'm fine" at face value - her: "I'm fine" Me: "Okay, great". It doesn't help the situation but, frankly, f**k all would.

    Emily Ashcraft
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    but once you vacate, get to the store and bring me snacks

    #116

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    dadmann_walking Report

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    #117

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    Lhlodder Report

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    #118

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    TheCatWhisprer Report

    #119

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    bartandsoul Report

    chi-wei shen
    Community Member
    5 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Marriage: Someone else is taking over at least half of your life.

    #120

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    ThugRaccoons Report

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    #123

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    thedadvocate01 Report

    Mewton’s Third Paw
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My fiancé does this! I literally cannot eat that many bananas!

    #124

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    pro_worrier_ Report

    Mark Serbian
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ex-wife did that. Twice. When I complained, she said, "You ALWAYS" say that!"

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    #125

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    simoncholland Report

    WilvanderHeijden
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's a dangerous skill, especially when you do it while she's talking.

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    #126

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    TheCatWhisprer Report

    #127

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    sixfootcandy Report

    Everybody Say Love!
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is a toaster oven different to a bog standard toaster?

    NMN
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It is essentially a standalone electric oven that you can put on your counter/shelves. There are many different sizes, from tiny that are just to heat up one or two buns/muffins to big ones that you can bake a pizza in

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    Julie
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Toaster ovens are great for burning your hands.

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    #129

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    sarcasticmommy4 Report

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    #130

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    Chhapiness Report

    Mark Serbian
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    73.2% of all statistics are made up on the spot

    Henry Cheves
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I read a different study that said it was 97.3%.

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    #131

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    Chhapiness Report

    NMN
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    and stay really quite while doing that cos I also left it on vibrate only

    BG
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's on silent, or the battery is dead. She has no Idea where it is. (spoiler: it's in her bra)

    #132

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    RodLacroix Report

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    #133

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    thedadvocate01 Report

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    #134

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    RachelNoise Report

    NMN
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    thats why the remote was also know as *the power* in my home when growing up

    #135

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    Darlainky Report

    #136

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    mom_tho Report

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    #137

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    BigJDubz Report

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    #138

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    BunAndLeggings Report

    #139

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    MarkAgee Report

    #140

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    R_A_Dadass Report

    Tiny Dynamine
    Community Member
    5 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    That username tells me there's a lot of insecurity going on in his head!

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    #141

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    sixfootcandy Report

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    #142

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    mom_tho Report

    Mewton’s Third Paw
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why would he glare at you for that? The f**k.

    White Wolf
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How about he changes his own f*****g pjs?

    #143

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    maryfairybobrry Report

    #144

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    sixfootcandy Report

    rspanther
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Chocolate frosting on unfrosted strawberry poptarts.

    Mewton’s Third Paw
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Unfrosted are the only edible ones! Frosted ones have animal bones and pig fat 🤮

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    #145

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    KarmaPolice238 Report

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    #146

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    RodLacroix Report

    #148

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    simoncholland Report

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    #149

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    maryfairybobrry Report

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    #152

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    HenpeckedHal Report

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    #155

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    sixfootcandy Report

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    #157

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    FatherWithTwins Report

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    #158

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    divergentmama Report

    #159

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    SvnSxty Report

    #160

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    TheCatWhisprer Report

    Mewton’s Third Paw
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah well.. stop watching such complex and complicated stuff! It’s not that serious!

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    #161

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    XplodingUnicorn Report

    chi-wei shen
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've offered it once and my wife accepted. Then she drove erratic on purpose so I never would do it again. It took her 10 years to confess what she's done.

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    #162

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    mommajessiec Report

    rspanther
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's what large size fries are for.

    Lucas
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yep, just always have more than you can manage.

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    #163

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    Beagz Report

    #164

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    mommajessiec Report

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    #166

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    dadmann_walking Report

    #168

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    JustMeTurtle Report

    Annett Nyrud
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But normally she is probably thinking economy or compromise (what she thinks the other person(s) would enjoy), and for her birthday she chooses where she would really want to go (within economic reason)...

    Mewton’s Third Paw
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So get her something better for her birthday than just daily routine s**t.

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    #169

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    sarcasticmommy4 Report

    Mewton’s Third Paw
    Community Member
    5 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That’s such a stupid argument for him to even make!

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    #170

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    maryfairybobrry Report

    #171

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    Chhapiness Report

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    #173

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    TheCatWhisprer Report

    Mewton’s Third Paw
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sounds more like a sibling. Just whoever is cleaning the bathroom?

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    #174

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    RodLacroix Report

    Katherine Boag
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Learn to do laundry properly jesus christ everything has care instructions on it.

    Julie
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I suspect they do laundry (among other tasks) wrong on purpose so they might never have to do it again.

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    #175

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    TheBoydP Report

    #176

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    SnarkyMommy78 Report

    Tiny Dynamine
    Community Member
    5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I see she put the word 'sorry' in there. I guess she's addressing men, right?

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    #177

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    daddydoubts Report

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    #178

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    3sunzzz Report

    #179

    Funny-Relationship-Marriage-Tweets

    Lhlodder Report