They say you should never air your grievances, or be publicly smug, but what better place to show the world how clever you are than Twitter? After all, you're a married man now, and you have to prove to all your friends that you're the same Alpha Kappa Beta man you always were. Getting a divorce because your wife says you're too punny? "Divorce is strong with this one!"

Bored Panda has put together this list of the best husband tweets that Twitter has to offer. Which one best sums up your marriage? Vote below, or share your own funny husband tweets in the comment below. Are you not just a husband, but a dad, too? Then be sure to also check out these funny parenting tweets! (h/t)

#1

Funny Husband Tweets

granttanaka Report

Frimpong Poku-Dankwa 3 years ago

hahahahahahhahhaaaaaa THIS IS SO SO TRUE! #icanrelate

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#2

Funny Husband Tweets

iwearaonesie Report

Jessica Carroll 3 years ago

#Icanrelate

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#3

Funny Husband Tweets

GrantTanaka Report

Jen Brant 3 years ago

I love this one.

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#4

Funny Husband Tweets

cheeseboy22 Report

Melody Lanzatella 3 years ago

i am going to steal this idea!

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#5

Funny Husband Tweets

XplodingUnicorn Report

Lonely Turtle 3 years ago

win!

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#6

Funny Husband Tweets

mynameisntdave Report

Linn Tara Lenby 3 years ago

Something tells me you done stuff like this before....hahahahhaa

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#7

Funny Husband Tweets

iwearaonesie Report

Kanishka Rajawansha 3 years ago

*Having second thoughts about buying milk.. or getting married*

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#8

Funny Husband Tweets

KentWGraham Report

Celia McDaniel 3 years ago

Haha! I mean...BOOOO!!!

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#9

Funny Husband Tweets

TheBoydP Report

Sandra More 3 years ago

THIS IS SO ME! !!

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#10

Funny Husband Tweets

KeetPotato Report

Emma Clark 3 years ago

Lol some of these remind me of Phil from Modern Family.

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#11

Funny Husband Tweets

KentWGraham Report

Marika Stanway 3 years ago

Because she's a good wife.

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#12

Funny Husband Tweets

ericsshadow Report

Celia McDaniel 3 years ago

OMG! I just realized that therapist also spells The Rapist! HAHA

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#13

Funny Husband Tweets

moooooog35 Report

Shana 3 years ago

BF doing the shopping for a change: "I don't get why you take an hour to do grocery shopping, I was done in 10 mins" Me: "did you get {item that was on the list}??" BF: "..... damn it" :P

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#14

Funny Husband Tweets

XplodingUnicorn Report

Robertus Ariel 3 years ago

My wife always ask me what i wanted for dinner and then says "NO, i don't want that" at all my choices

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#15

Funny Husband Tweets

yoyoha Report

Christian Hill 3 years ago

And then it is bitter and cold

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#16

Funny Husband Tweets

ruinedpicnic Report

Sandra More 3 years ago

OHHHH GOD I'M DYING LAUGHING

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#17

Funny Husband Tweets

XplodingUnicorn Report

Daria B 3 years ago

I'd prefer he actually told me about his zombie ninjas and cyborg Nazis from the future....

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#18

Funny Husband Tweets

TheAlexNevil Report

Puddin Tane 3 years ago

As Walter says, "I only do what the voices in my wife's head tell me to do." Walter is from "Aunty Acid"

#19

Funny Husband Tweets

Underchilde Report

Jen Brant 3 years ago

Now that's solid advice.

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#20

Funny Husband Tweets

BradBroaddus Report

Yamilucha Saenz 3 years ago

Lol

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#21

Funny Husband Tweets

AndyAsAdjective Report

Susanna Vesna 3 years ago

Hahha love it! I would never divorce him!

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#22

Funny Husband Tweets

DanielRCarrillo Report

Tanith Winter 3 years ago

But occasionally they bring you something that wasn't on the list and is totally amazing though right???

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#23

Funny Husband Tweets

thegladstork Report

#24

Funny Husband Tweets

simoncholland Report

Amanda Etherton 3 years ago

Wil Etherton this is us

#25

Funny Husband Tweets

simoncholland Report

Prescotte Martin 2 years ago

Exactly.

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#26

Funny Husband Tweets

simoncholland Report

parlitadee 2 years ago

if done properly...

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#27

Funny Husband Tweets

_troyjohnson Report

Anita Pócsi 3 years ago

Ask Monica who has 11 types, and one of them is for the Queen of GB. :)

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#28

Funny Husband Tweets

pjtlynch Report

#29

Funny Husband Tweets

simoncholland Report

Yamilucha Saenz 3 years ago

Lmao!! I do the same to my husbsnd. Not just the awakes, but the restlessness too.

#30

Funny Husband Tweets

KentWGraham Report

#31

Funny Husband Tweets

BiIIMurray Report

Yamilucha Saenz 3 years ago

Lol

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#32

Funny Husband Tweets

KalvinMacleod Report

Yamilucha Saenz 3 years ago

Borrowed! Lol

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#33

Funny Husband Tweets

tchrquotes Report

Paula Alvarez Alvarez 3 years ago

Everything looks better in YOUR dishes. hy don't u like to share????

#34

Funny Husband Tweets

pjtlynch Report

Sara Shrader 3 years ago

It's about time you learned!

#35

Funny Husband Tweets

crunchenhanced Report

Siti Zafirah Khamdan 3 years ago

#icanrelate

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#36

Funny Husband Tweets

TheCatWhisprer Report

Neha Sahu 2 years ago

Like Sheldon and Lynnerd?

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#37

Funny Husband Tweets

TheCatWhisprer Report

#38

Funny Husband Tweets

joshhafner Report

Caitlyn Caggiano 3 years ago

last night I made a fb post and then made my husband comment on it. haha

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#39

Funny Husband Tweets

hippieswordfish Report

#40

Funny Husband Tweets

moooooog35 Report

#41

Funny Husband Tweets

MikeMcNeil_ Report

Sam Kopp Henseler 3 years ago

Lol

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#42

Funny Husband Tweets

DrMikeLloyd Report

Frances Lara 3 years ago

This one I can relate too!

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#43

Funny Husband Tweets

Xalqee Report

Jacqui Sequeira 3 years ago

Or buying a dishwasher

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#44

Funny Husband Tweets

TheMichaelRock Report

Jen Brant 3 years ago

Obviously.

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#45

Funny Husband Tweets

The01Wingman Report

Sarah Campos 3 years ago

Ha 50%, sure buddy

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#46

Funny Husband Tweets

david8hughes Report

#47

Funny Husband Tweets

pazarm Report

#48

Funny Husband Tweets

TheCatWhisprer Report

Nizha Ariotejo 2 years ago

huahahaha...totally can relate this, always discuss same thing, her side his side on bed, almost every night, just everytime when he's start putting his butt (yeah his butt only) on my bed side....sometime he made me scratch him just to make him out off my side :D

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#49

Funny Husband Tweets

WilliamRodgers Report

#50

Funny Husband Tweets

PJTLynch Report

#51

Funny Husband Tweets

WilliamAder Report

Suzie Q Ogden 3 years ago

With mine it would be whether or not he used my employee discount lol

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#52

Funny Husband Tweets

KentWGraham Report

#53

Funny Husband Tweets

AndyAsAdjective Report

Kalikima 2 years ago

That's ok, you're funnier... ????

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#54

Funny Husband Tweets

kcmoore51 Report

#55

Funny Husband Tweets

AndyAsAdjective Report

Caitlyn Caggiano 3 years ago

this wpuld be me. my husband had blasphemously never zeen the movie.

#56

Funny Husband Tweets

MikeMcNeil_ Report

#57

Funny Husband Tweets

TheBoydP Report

#58

Funny Husband Tweets

rockymomax Report

Hannah Dobbins 3 months ago

Goals

#59

Funny Husband Tweets

myles_morrison Report

#60

Funny Husband Tweets

Mr_Kapowski Report

Prescotte Martin 2 years ago

Me.

#61

Funny Husband Tweets

simoncholland Report

Justyna 3 years ago

i did, ended up doing everything, finished my marriage. so, no.

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#62

Funny Husband Tweets

colestrode Report

Nizha Ariotejo 2 years ago

what about different colour and size of toothbrush.....mine is pink :P

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#63

Funny Husband Tweets

Gooooats Report

#64

Funny Husband Tweets

WilliamAder Report

#65

Funny Husband Tweets

Rlpihl Report

#66

Funny Husband Tweets

usedwigs Report

#67

Funny Husband Tweets

DrMikeLloyd Report

#68

Funny Husband Tweets

sammyrhodes Report

#69

Funny Husband Tweets

bbchinigan Report

Kate Yeti 3 years ago

Same as reading books in the same room. It's not a big deal.

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#70

Funny Husband Tweets

lanceburson Report

#71

Funny Husband Tweets

rello000 Report

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#72

Funny Husband Tweets

yoyoha Report

Šimon Špaček 2 years ago

Learn to eat chicken wings properly and that problem will disappear.

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#75

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