They say you should never air your grievances, or be publicly smug, but what better place to show the world how clever you are than Twitter? After all, you're living a married life now, and you have to prove to all your friends that you're not some lame funny husband, but the same Alpha Kappa Beta man you always were. Getting a divorce because your wife says you're too punny with marriage jokes? "Divorce is strong with this one!"

Bored Panda has put together this list of the best funny tweets by husbands that Twitter has to offer. Which one best sums up your marriage or a long-term relationship? Vote below, or share your own funny husband quotes in the comment below. Are you not just a husband, but a dad, too? Then be sure to also check out these funniest tweets on parenting! (h/t)

#1

Funny Husband Tweets

granttanaka Report

Frimpong Poku-Dankwa
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

hahahahahahhahhaaaaaa THIS IS SO SO TRUE! #icanrelate

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#6

Funny Husband Tweets

mynameisntdave Report

Linn Tara Lenby
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Something tells me you done stuff like this before....hahahahhaa

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#7

Funny Husband Tweets

iwearaonesie Report

Kanishka Rajawansha
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

*Having second thoughts about buying milk.. or getting married*

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#10

Funny Husband Tweets

KeetPotato Report

Emma Clark
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lol some of these remind me of Phil from Modern Family.

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#12

Funny Husband Tweets

ericsshadow Report

Celia McDaniel
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OMG! I just realized that therapist also spells The Rapist! HAHA

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#13

Funny Husband Tweets

moooooog35 Report

Shana
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

BF doing the shopping for a change: "I don't get why you take an hour to do grocery shopping, I was done in 10 mins" Me: "did you get {item that was on the list}??" BF: "..... damn it" :P

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#14

Funny Husband Tweets

XplodingUnicorn Report

Robertus Ariel
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My wife always ask me what i wanted for dinner and then says "NO, i don't want that" at all my choices

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#17

Funny Husband Tweets

XplodingUnicorn Report

Daria B
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd prefer he actually told me about his zombie ninjas and cyborg Nazis from the future....

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#18

Funny Husband Tweets

TheAlexNevil Report

Puddin Tane
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As Walter says, "I only do what the voices in my wife's head tell me to do." Walter is from "Aunty Acid"

#22

Funny Husband Tweets

DanielRCarrillo Report

Tanith Winter
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But occasionally they bring you something that wasn't on the list and is totally amazing though right???

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#23

Funny Husband Tweets

thegladstork Report

#27

Funny Husband Tweets

_troyjohnson Report

Anita Pócsi
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ask Monica who has 11 types, and one of them is for the Queen of GB. :)

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#28

Funny Husband Tweets

pjtlynch Report

#29

Funny Husband Tweets

simoncholland Report

Yamilucha Saenz
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lmao!! I do the same to my husbsnd. Not just the awakes, but the restlessness too.

#30

Funny Husband Tweets

KentWGraham Report

#33

Funny Husband Tweets

tchrquotes Report

Paula Alvarez Alvarez
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Everything looks better in YOUR dishes. hy don't u like to share????

#34

Funny Husband Tweets

pjtlynch Report

#37

Funny Husband Tweets

TheCatWhisprer Report

A Henry
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We’re all getting lucky then

#38

Funny Husband Tweets

joshhafner Report

Caitlyn Caggiano
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

last night I made a fb post and then made my husband comment on it. haha

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#39

Funny Husband Tweets

hippieswordfish Report

#40

Funny Husband Tweets

moooooog35 Report

See Also on Bored Panda
#46

Funny Husband Tweets

david8hughes Report

#47

Funny Husband Tweets

pazarm Report

#48

Funny Husband Tweets

TheCatWhisprer Report

Nizha Ariotejo
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

huahahaha...totally can relate this, always discuss same thing, her side his side on bed, almost every night, just everytime when he's start putting his butt (yeah his butt only) on my bed side....sometime he made me scratch him just to make him out off my side :D

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#49

Funny Husband Tweets

WilliamRodgers Report

#50

Funny Husband Tweets

PJTLynch Report

See Also on Bored Panda
#51

Funny Husband Tweets

WilliamAder Report

Suzie Q Ogden
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

With mine it would be whether or not he used my employee discount lol

#52

Funny Husband Tweets

KentWGraham Report

#54

Funny Husband Tweets

kcmoore51 Report

#55

Funny Husband Tweets

AndyAsAdjective Report

Caitlyn Caggiano
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this wpuld be me. my husband had blasphemously never zeen the movie.

#56

Funny Husband Tweets

MikeMcNeil_ Report

#57

Funny Husband Tweets

TheBoydP Report

#59

Funny Husband Tweets

myles_morrison Report

See Also on Bored Panda
#61

Funny Husband Tweets

simoncholland Report

Justyna
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i did, ended up doing everything, finished my marriage. so, no.

#62

Funny Husband Tweets

colestrode Report

Nizha Ariotejo
Community Member
6 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

what about different colour and size of toothbrush.....mine is pink :P

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#63

Funny Husband Tweets

Gooooats Report

#64

Funny Husband Tweets

WilliamAder Report

#65

Funny Husband Tweets