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These 77 Tweets Were Considerably Funnier Than Anything Else On The Internet This July
Some people just have a way with words. They always seem to find the most accurate way to describe not only what they’re feeling personally, but also the oddly specific thoughts and situations the rest of us experience.
Continuing our monthly series, we've rounded up the funniest tweets from July.
From brutal summer heat and chaotic vacations to all the meal prepping and work waiting for you upon return, these jokes and observations perfectly capture the time of year we're in!
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#1
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#14
NightOwlPanda 3 months ago
"Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Sometimes we just snuggle." – seen online
#15
Grape Walls of Ire 3 months ago
Yeah, except testosterone treatment is known to cause complications later in life. Our tax dollars will be paying to treat those complications. Ugh.
#16
Roman Arendt 3 months ago (edited)
Genius! How much will it coast? Edit: "cost", of course. Dämn autocorrect!
#18
#19
Multa Nocte (she/her/8647) 3 months ago
Watch out for sirens! Oh, and if you have a choice to go between Scylla and Charybdis . . . .
#21
Geoffrey Scott 3 months ago
OOr as a co-worker described the vending machine sandwiches.."Wheel of possible misfortune"
#28
Luke || Kira (he/she) 3 months ago
I've heard that telling someone in an Ivy League sweater something like "Oooh where is it, is that some community college?" is a real-life instant rage spell
#29
Multa Nocte (she/her/8647) 3 months ago
What I hate about these childhood events that we use as prompts is trying to remember how much of it I put into the password or secret clue. Did I write the elementary school I first attended was "Rosehill School", "Rosehill Elementary", "Rosehill Elementary School", or just "Rosehill?" Did I live on "Johnson Road" or "402 Johnson Road"? Did I write "Road" or did I abbreviate it as "Rd."?
#30
#33
Auntriarch 3 months ago
My toothbrush buzzed when it thinks I should stop. If I stop before it buzzes, it has a sad face. If there's one thing I don't need, it's a judgemental toothbrush
#34
#36
#37
Scarlett O'Hara's Ghost 3 months ago
Who else thinks the next emoji needs to be "explosive diarrhea"?
#42
setsuriseikou 3 months ago
Lucky you! Those two combined their efforts here in Siberia this summer
#43
#45
TroubleMarkOne 3 months ago
My tomcat just sits on the back of the sofa watching me sleep. He's probably thinking about which bit of me to eat first if I don't wake up for feeding time.
#46
UnclePanda 3 months ago
I like peanut butter but I don't go through it very fast. Which makes finishing a jar an accomplishment. It's the little things, really...
#47
#49
Tim Fawcett 3 months ago
Yeah, real cute - a bunch of ar*e-holes telling each other to F**king stay off their patch before they f**k you up.
#51
TroubleMarkOne 3 months ago
Recently discovered a small KitKat Chunky has fewer calories than a single, unfilled plain tortilla wrap. Go for it. In case anyone was curious - small KitKat Chunky 162 kcal vs. 177 kcal tortilla wrap (Sainsbury's brand)!
#52
#56
TroubleMarkOne 3 months ago
At the vets this morning, 10 minutes consultation, tablets my cat will pretend to swallow for me to find down the side of the sofa and £160 lighter, not covered by the insurance. At that point, I realised if we had that system for humans in the UK, I'd be long de.ad or in the workhouse.
#66
Multa Nocte (she/her/8647) 3 months ago
And he brought a bland ass potato salad with raisins (Black Jeopardy with Chadwick Boseman - Saturday Night Live).
#69
Min (she/her) 3 months ago
Do they mean "en garde" or is there new slanguage using "on god" that I'm too old to know?
#75
Multa Nocte (she/her/8647) 3 months ago
Not in any universe I know of does that look like Ludacris.
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UKGrandad 3 months ago
Well who would have thought that gutting the FDA and deregulating the food industry might have resulted in problems? Switching from proactive- to reactive regulation might not have been such a good idea after all.
Wendy Boustani 3 months ago
The point was to make money. When you can manufacture a guaranteed crisis, you can line up your situation to take advantage of it. Of course, most grown adults who were given a position of trust would take it seriously and be serious. But grifters gonna grift.
Load More Replies... UKGrandad 3 months ago
Well who would have thought that gutting the FDA and deregulating the food industry might have resulted in problems? Switching from proactive- to reactive regulation might not have been such a good idea after all.
Wendy Boustani 3 months ago
The point was to make money. When you can manufacture a guaranteed crisis, you can line up your situation to take advantage of it. Of course, most grown adults who were given a position of trust would take it seriously and be serious. But grifters gonna grift.
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