If you've read any Bible teachings, you'll know that Old Testament God is a major asshole. Petty, vain, vindictive, and genocidally violent, he gleefully wrought havoc on his creations before his son eventually showed up with more merciful corrections of God's plans.

So what was up with his creation story in those days, when he was busy making the complex wonders of the world that he would go on to torture sadistically? This collection of tongue-in-cheek religious jokes, collected by us here at Bored Panda, hilariously imagines God's creation strategies as he came up with the animals, the sun, the planets and yes, even those little hell-raisers that he created in his own, twisted image: us. Scroll down below to check the best tweets we've found out for yourself, and don't forget to vote for your 'God creating animals' favorites! (Facebook cover image: Charlie Day)

#1

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

matt___nelson Report

LOttawa
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ya... He went a little crazy there..

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#2

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

ArfMeasures Report

#4

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

NewDadNotes Report

Ronel du Plessis
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WHAHAHAAHAHAH!!!!! Can imagine that fuck you face

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#5

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

themiltron Report

Kjorn
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ANGEL: How can i make it undrinkable? GOD: pee in it! That way it will be salty

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#7

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

Shen_the_Bird Report

The Dutches
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Adam: "What do you mean 'I can't'. What happened to my free will?"

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#8

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

thedad Report

Hans
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, at least according to the old testament god would not really be vegan. Or is sacrifying but not eating an animal vegan? I guess not...

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#9

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

diet-tampon Report

Hans
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anteater: hmhmhm...nom nom nom nom nom nom nom...

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#10

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

NewDadNotes Report

#11

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

themiltron Report

Luis Milian
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

he could have kept the part that they die once their needle on its butts comes off...

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#13

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

NewDadNotes Report

Gonzalo Terán
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

GOD: "And for $20 more, I´ll not freeze your ass off to extinction down the line..." MAMMOTH: "Those were my last $20, I don´t have any money left..." GOD: "Though luck, buddy"

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#15

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

roxiqt Report

Hans
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh, did you never see a coconut nurture their young? Remember, they are nocturnal!

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#16

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

PaperWash Report

LOttawa
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And let the male carry the babies, lots and lots of babies.

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#17

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

NewDadNotes Report

Luis Milian
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder what the Moth said to receive his sentence.

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#18

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

roboticcrab Report

-
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OOOOOOOOOOF (cause, you know, when there was a swarm of frogs to try and free the people from the egyptians?)

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#19

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

Skoogeth Report

Lotte
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

seems like he was trying them all at once

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#20

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

memes_krispy Report

Amy Demo
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This made me snort! It's so perfect. Lmfao

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#23

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

NewDadNotes Report

Daria B
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We humans kinda envy you sometimes, you sloths....

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#24

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

ginadivittorio Report

Aaron Kara
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

G: Give it the perpetual muscle structure of Dwayne The Rock Johnson - A: Who's Dway- - G: Something I've been working on

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#25

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

NewDadNotes Report

Gaurav Joshi
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

God: I dont like his attitude, you cant fly

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#26

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

DitzMcGeee Report

athornedrose
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

God: no spoilers gecko! that hasn't happened yet! your time will come!

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#27

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

roboticcrab Report

LOttawa
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wouldn't God say OMM (oh my me) instead of OMG (oh my God)?lolll

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#28

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

ArfMeasures Report

Tim P.
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good call big guy! Made them economic too! They just eat the grass in the yard

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#31

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

ginadivittorio Report

Erika Jones
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Make a furry potato on tiny legs that squeaks.

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#32

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

david8hughes Report

released kraken
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

and also you only live about 13 years because your body grows old faster than humans

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#34

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

Mostly_Cheese Report

Amanda Ferraz
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There was a study in Brazil, comparing a public bathroom door (not those chemical stalls), a supermarket cart handle and a money bill. I don't remember the exact "winner", just know that bathroom was the less dirty and I think the cart handle was the dirtiest...

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#36

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

prakhrrrr Report

Gaurav Joshi
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

angels: but aren't those poisonous! God: also make some of them transparent !!!

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#38

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

thewritertype Report

#39

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

NoTheOtherJohn Report

chi-wei shen
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"What if one of those fucked a saber tooth tiger" Did BoredPanda forget to censor?

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#40

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

NewDadNotes Report

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#46

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

jtp-art Report

Savant
Community Member
4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

and they die when it's too dry or when they touch salt and turn into black sludge which is then forever stuck there...

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