If you've read the Bible, you'll know that Old Testament God is a major asshole. Petty, vain, vindictive and genocidally violent, he gleefully wrought havoc on his creations before his son eventually showed up with a more merciful message.

So what was he thinking in those days, when he was busy creating the complex wonders of the world that he would go on to sadistically torture? This collection of tongue-in-cheek posts, collected by us here at Bored Panda, hilariously imagines God's mind as he came up with the animals, the sun, the planets and yes, even those little hell-raisers that he created in his own, twisted image: us. Scroll down below to check them out for yourself, and don't forget to vote for your faves! (Facebook cover image: Charlie Day)

#1

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

matt___nelson Report

LOttawa 2 months ago

Ya... He went a little crazy there..

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#2

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ArfMeasures Report

ThatGuv 2 months ago

Millipede: *sulking in the corner*

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#3

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NewDadNotes Report

Luis Milian 2 months ago

One smart Parrot right there.

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#4

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NewDadNotes Report

Ronel du Plessis 2 months ago

WHAHAHAAHAHAH!!!!! Can imagine that fuck you face

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#5

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

themiltron Report

Kjorn 2 months ago (edited)

ANGEL: How can i make it undrinkable? GOD: pee in it! That way it will be salty

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#6

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

woodmuffin Report

Gaurav Joshi 2 months ago

only if he'd put the heart of a canine

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#7

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Shen_the_Bird Report

The Dutches 2 months ago

Adam: "What do you mean 'I can't'. What happened to my free will?"

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#8

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

thedad Report

Hans 2 months ago

Well, at least according to the old testament god would not really be vegan. Or is sacrifying but not eating an animal vegan? I guess not...

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#9

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

diet-tampon Report

Hans 2 months ago

Anteater: hmhmhm...nom nom nom nom nom nom nom...

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#10

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NewDadNotes Report

Luis Milian 2 months ago

well, to be fair he already made it undrinkable.

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#11

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themiltron Report

Luis Milian 2 months ago

he could have kept the part that they die once their needle on its butts comes off...

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#12

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NewDadNotes Report

Luis Milian 2 months ago

poor Blobfish.

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#13

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NewDadNotes Report

Gonzalo Terán 2 months ago

GOD: "And for $20 more, I´ll not freeze your ass off to extinction down the line..." MAMMOTH: "Those were my last $20, I don´t have any money left..." GOD: "Though luck, buddy"

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#14

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

thetits Report

Luis Milian 2 months ago

and shimmie he did...

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#15

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roxiqt Report

Hans 2 months ago

Oh, did you never see a coconut nurture their young? Remember, they are nocturnal!

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#16

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

PaperWash Report

LOttawa 2 months ago

And let the male carry the babies, lots and lots of babies.

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#17

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NewDadNotes Report

Luis Milian 2 months ago

I wonder what the Moth said to receive his sentence.

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#18

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roboticcrab Report

- 2 months ago

OOOOOOOOOOF (cause, you know, when there was a swarm of frogs to try and free the people from the egyptians?)

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#19

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

Skoogeth Report

Lotte 2 months ago

seems like he was trying them all at once

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#20

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memes_krispy Report

Amy Demo 2 months ago

This made me snort! It's so perfect. Lmfao

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#21

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teeroy99 Report

Luis Milian 2 months ago

best creation ever

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#22

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

NewDadNotes Report

Luis Milian 2 months ago

Snake: Shimmies away

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#23

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NewDadNotes Report

Daria B 2 months ago

We humans kinda envy you sometimes, you sloths....

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#24

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ginadivittorio Report

Aaron Kara 2 months ago (edited)

G: Give it the perpetual muscle structure of Dwayne The Rock Johnson - A: Who's Dway- - G: Something I've been working on

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#25

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NewDadNotes Report

Gaurav Joshi 2 months ago

God: I dont like his attitude, you cant fly

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#26

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DitzMcGeee Report

athornedrose 2 months ago

God: no spoilers gecko! that hasn't happened yet! your time will come!

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#27

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roboticcrab Report

LOttawa 2 months ago (edited)

Wouldn't God say OMM (oh my me) instead of OMG (oh my God)?lolll

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#28

Funny-God-Creating-Things-Tweets

ArfMeasures Report

Tim P. 2 months ago

Good call big guy! Made them economic too! They just eat the grass in the yard

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#29

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KylePlantEmoji Report

FatBaby 2 months ago

That explains

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#30

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R_P_Nunes Report

Luis Milian 2 months ago

hooo would have thought. I'm out

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#31

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ginadivittorio Report

Erika Jones 2 months ago

Make a furry potato on tiny legs that squeaks.

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#32

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david8hughes Report

released kraken 2 months ago

and also you only live about 13 years because your body grows old faster than humans

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#33

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Skoogeth Report

Queen Bela 2 months ago

[and vegans]

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#34

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Mostly_Cheese Report

Amanda Ferraz 2 months ago

There was a study in Brazil, comparing a public bathroom door (not those chemical stalls), a supermarket cart handle and a money bill. I don't remember the exact "winner", just know that bathroom was the less dirty and I think the cart handle was the dirtiest...

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#35

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NewDadNotes Report

Luis Milian 2 months ago

at least he made Weasels very optimistic

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#36

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prakhrrrr Report

Gaurav Joshi 2 months ago (edited)

angels: but aren't those poisonous! God: also make some of them transparent !!!

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#37

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AtticusFinch79 Report

Bored Phoenix 2 months ago

A: Camel

#38

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thewritertype Report

meow point1 2 months ago

So the kind that makes you trip balls are magic?

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#39

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NoTheOtherJohn Report

chi-wei shen 2 months ago (edited)

"What if one of those fucked a saber tooth tiger" Did BoredPanda forget to censor?

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#40

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NewDadNotes Report

MJ 2 months ago

Cock-a-doodle-damn...

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#41

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TheDreamGhoul Report

Sophia Cai 2 months ago

Tie dye chicken

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#42

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NewDadNotes Report

Breislitt4 2 months ago

OOOOOF

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#43

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swan_hillary Report

Nawal Wali 2 months ago

Oi who said my name lol

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#44

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EndhooS Report

Bored Phoenix 2 months ago

God: [creates Thanksgiving]

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#45

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yorksranter Report

Bored Phoenix 2 months ago

Hahaha

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#46

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jtp-art Report

Savant 2 months ago

and they die when it's too dry or when they touch salt and turn into black sludge which is then forever stuck there...

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#47

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CharlieFlani Report

CultOfBambi 2 months ago

Groan

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#48

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Deweyoxberg Report

Wyndmere 2 months ago

Must be Adam Levine's shirt.

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#49

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DitzMcGeee Report

Sage Jay 2 months ago

This. makes literal no sense

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