86 Times Fortune Cookie Sayings Were Too Sassy To Handle

Daniel Sipes 7 years ago

Mr. McFluffers deserves your love

5points

Matthew Hyder 7 years ago

One time instead of an actual fortune I literally got "About time I got out of that cookie" and laughed, I'm not kidding. XD

14points

Annalise Pfaff 5 years ago

yah, i saw that

0points

Kjorn 7 years ago

how could you let those big Brown eyes down?

8points

Anna Bertane 7 years ago

Those eyes...! OMG! <3

5points

Avinash Hemmady 7 years ago

Awww... His eyes

5points

ItsYaBoi 7 years ago

YOU BETTER NOT LET ME DOWN BRIAN!!!!!!!

2points

Pi... 7 years ago

Oh god! He looks like my old doggie... my brother from another m****r... He died when I was 11... I miss him so much. :(

2points

WaLe 7 years ago

How can you even resist those eyes?!?

2points

MagicalUnicorn 7 years ago

that's a good boy

2points

Kaden Todaro 1 year ago (edited)

i found a funny fortune but it wasnt on here. "hungry is the man who finds salvation in a cookie."

1point

#2

Definitely The Scariest Fortune Cookie I've Ever Gotten

Fortune cookie paper with a sassy saying: "run."

Final score:

245points

POST

Bunnies4Zwin 7 years ago

RUN!

33points

CatShatBrix 7 years ago

DER NER NER NER NER NER NER

7points

Scott Basham 7 years ago

Run ( intense music in the background)

4points

Daniel Sipes 7 years ago

RUN WHERE?!?

1point

Gayle Bynum Cardosa 7 years ago

Jeez, I heard the tune of Pink Floyd's Run Like Hell in my mind...

0points

$copper-fractions avatar$

Tiny Dynamine 7 years ago

Run;

0points

Katarina Sujono 7 years ago

maybe they're just recommending a BTS song

5points

just a thought! 7 years ago

Dashi run run run 😂

3points

Sara M. Sukenic 7 years ago

YESSSS

1point

Laura 7 years ago

YES ANOTHER ARMY FINALLYYYYY I AM JUNG*SHOOK* .....and yes I made that joke

0points

Muhammad Cisco Zulfikar 7 years ago

RUN FORREST RUN

2points

Kim Lee 7 years ago

Reminds me of Minority Report

1point

Eliane Prado 7 years ago

Maybe it's because you need exercise...

1point

John Montgomery 7 years ago

The Doctor makes fortune cookies now?

1point

Analyn Lahr 7 years ago

I'd be like "run where?"

1point

Victor Lack 1 year ago

Don’t Threaten Me >:(

0points

Victor Lack 2 years ago

Oh Freak No

0points

Ian Auger 3 years ago

wtf

0points

#3

Didn't Expect My Fortune Cookie To Be So Insightful

Sassy fortune cookie message: "No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible," on a wooden table.

Final score:

211points

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Daria Zotova 7 years ago

How accurate *sigh*

31points

Olga Antonova 7 years ago

It is quote by Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

7points

Miss Cris 7 years ago

Thanks

0points

vincent 4 years ago

what?

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

sad but true :(

0points

Jiří Schindler 7 years ago

Fuente Ovejuna

0points

Johanna Zamora 7 years ago

Timely.

0points

sunnyrei82 7 years ago

I love this one. SO true.

0points

John L 7 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

#4

Best Fortune I Have Ever Got In A Fortune Cookie

Fortune cookie saying with sassy message: "About time I got out of that cookie."

Final score:

189points

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Muhammad Cisco Zulfikar 7 years ago

Free from the shell

22points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

Yeah, I would be glad if I was in a cookie and then got out! XD

4points

Stef Bollen 7 years ago

I would eat my way out :)

1point

limabean180 7 years ago

THIS IS LITERALLY THE BEST THING

2points

Matthew Hyder 7 years ago

I got this one too! XD

2points

Victor Lack 1 year ago

Wait What

0points

Victor Lack 2 years ago

I eat paper. I don’t know why but I do.

0points

vincent 4 years ago

XD

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

"you're making me claustrophobic"

0points

Bryce Truax 6 years ago

Ha lol

0points

Just Carmen 7 years ago

HAHAHA! I like this one.

0points

#5

Fortune Cookie

Fortune cookie message on table: "If you eat something & nobody sees you eat it, it has no calories." Sassy fortune saying.

Final score:

187points

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SnowyLynx 7 years ago

Wow

21points

Sanne H. 7 years ago

Schrödinger's food.

7points

Starflower 7 years ago

Lol

0points

Rakooned 7 years ago

If only this were true. I'd be a couple pant sizes smaller!

5points

Cheryl Weldon 7 years ago

My life.

3points

Ben S. 7 years ago

This explains why I eat ice cream, alone in a dark closet...

2points

Beth Arriaga 7 years ago

other food truisms: Diet Coke and candy bars cancel each other, calorie wise. Eating standing up means no calories. Any leftover food you eat off your child's plate also has no calories. At least in my world

2points

Every day is Caturday 4.0 7 years ago

Holiday calories Don’t count. I’f you forgot you ate something, doesn’t count. If you ate something you didn’t like, calories don’t apply.

0points

Sky 7 years ago

That’s some solid logic right there.

2points

Heatherz_myBoo 7 years ago

I hide in my room to eat all the time, but I’m still fat...

1point

Victor Lack 1 year ago

Mind Blown

0points

Azzam Ghaleb 4 years ago

bruh

0points

Fun Trivia About Fortune Cookies

There are several theories about the origin of fortune cookies. One such theory claims that fortune cookies are a purely American invention started by a Chinese (or Japanese) restaurant on the West Coast in the early 1900s. Some state it comes from Chinese history; Chinese rebelling patriots used to pass hidden messages in pastry to avoid getting caught. Others say it copies the Japanese tsujiura senbei (rice crackers with notes inside) treat.

China tried to popularize fortune cookies but it never caught on. Today, the biggest manufacturer of fortune cookies, Wonton Food, is located in New York and has been operating since 1973.

#6

My Wife And I Received Matching Fortunes At Dinner This Evening

Fortune cookie sayings predicting letter exchanges, showcasing sassy messages.

Final score:

184points

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Shruti Naik 7 years ago

this is a lovely coincidence!

33points

Daniel Sipes 7 years ago

Coincidence? Or God setting up date night? ;D

5points

Evelyn Stella 2 years ago

that is so sweet!!!!!!!!

0points

vincent 4 years ago

awww :)

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

What a turn of events

0points

Bryce Truax 6 years ago

Coincidence. I think not!

0points

Victoria Jolley 7 years ago

awe

0points

Andrew Moore 7 years ago

WEIRD!

0points

meerakat5 7 years ago

I bet they were made one ofter the other and didn't mix them up or something

0points

Rebekah 7 years ago

Awwww.

0points

$copper-fractions avatar$

Tiny Dynamine 7 years ago

So they have two bags of fortune cookies that all say these messages, which they give to couples.

0points

Dhanya Munro 7 years ago

Even then it's nice

4points

#7

My Ironic Fortune Cookie

Sassy fortune cookie saying: "Never do anything halfway" on a textured background.

Final score:

165points

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Neeraj Jha 7 years ago

The humor with this fortune cookie is too damn high! xD

43points

Victor Lack 2 years ago

I Agree Mr Jha

0points

vincent 4 years ago

frick dis

1point

Adam Hassouna 10 months ago

boiiiiii

0points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

They were the ones who did it halfway! If you always do what...

1point

Shruti Naik 7 years ago

nice!

2points

Victor Lack 1 year ago

Bruh

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

This made me laugh so hard :'D

0points

Melinda Burge 7 years ago

Good on...

0points

Zelda 7 years ago

Whats up with the dislikes?

0points

SnowyLynx 7 years ago

That just made my day

0points

SykesDaMan 7 years ago

Some get a little, some get none. Some catch a bad one, some leave the job half done!

0points

TC 7 years ago

Oh no!!

-1point

#8

My Coworker Just Came Back From Sick Leave; He Had A Heart Attack. To Celebrate We Went For Chinese. These Were In His Fortune Cookie

Four fortune cookie papers on a red surface, each reading "Your heart will skip a beat" in a sassy tone.

Final score:

156points

POST

UniversalMel 7 years ago

Nope nope nope NOPE

62points

Sky 7 years ago

At least he got a laugh out of it? Maybe?

6points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

Good to know his heart will skip a beat! But FOUR times?!

6points

Gayle Bynum Cardosa 7 years ago

Well good God, how much did he eat? Don't you usually get one cookie per meal? He got four cookies so he just back from having a heart attack, goes out to celebrate his recovery with Chinese food and has ....a ton of food..? Ha ha. That's some optimistic guy right there. What did he have for dessert? A carton of cigarettes? JK.

3points

D Rolls 7 years ago

Maybe the cookies were late..?

3points

Muhammad Cisco Zulfikar 7 years ago

That'll just make it panicky

3points

Neeraj Jha 7 years ago

Yeah.. His heart skipped few beats too many.

2points

michael ye 3 years ago

Is he still alive?????

1point

Azzam Ghaleb 4 years ago

no no nope nope never again nope nope nope

1point

TheOtakuQueen 6 years ago

BRUH RUN

1point

#9

Take That Big Step

Fortune cookie message about taking a big step, held in front of a foot in a medical boot.

Final score:

150points

POST

Terror from Beyond Space 7 years ago

Go ahead and get the complete stormtrooper costume.

49points

Aitana Cedeno 3 years ago

YUSSSSSSSSS

0points

Chris Pitch 7 years ago

it is a moonboot, one small step for man!

2points

Jordy Star 7 years ago

play the lotto!

1point

Katerina Sunshine 7 years ago

Seen plenty of people with same kinda crystal shoe climbing Machu Picchu before the sunrise (2400 stept at least 800 years old). The limits are in your mind

1point

Thegreatcountryofverden 7 years ago

It means you'll get better.

1point

Muhammad Cisco Zulfikar 7 years ago

Never be afraid

1point

Victor Lack 1 year ago

Wow

0points

Claire Pan 3 years ago

idk

0points

Drewcorgiderp102 4 years ago

and thats how he broke his leg in the first place

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

Does the cookie even care

0points

#10

My Wife's And My Fortune Cookies. Hers Is On Top

Fortune cookie sayings predicting romance and a new home, placed on a wooden table.

Final score:

144points

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John L 7 years ago

And since none of the 'lucky numbers' even match, it may be time for him to hire a private investigator. :D

41points

Victor Lack 1 year ago

I Agree John L

0points

Kjorn 7 years ago

tell us what happen in one year

7points

Micki Van Patten 7 years ago

Uh oh

3points

Analyn Lahr 7 years ago

I know! He kills the other guy and gets sent to a surprisingly decent prison.

2points

Noxell 7 years ago

was that before you get married or before the divorce?

1point

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

I don't know what to say about that!

1point

$copper-fractions avatar$

Tiny Dynamine 7 years ago

I'm with Cheryl (not literally).

2points

Charlotte Brine 7 years ago

Good. Hopefully you'll receive one soon that says 'stating the obvious constantly only makes you look stupid'

0points

Cheryl Weldon 7 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Wayne Horton 3 years ago

LOL>

0points

Wayne Horton 3 years ago

hahahaha

0points

vincent 4 years ago

thats normal

0points

Ian Taggart 6 years ago

Uh. Oh.

0points

#11

Just When I Thought I Got A Good Fortune Cookie

Fortune cookie sayings: "A new romance is in the future" and "Ignore previous cookie" on a wooden table.

Final score:

125points

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Shruti Naik 7 years ago

hahahaha! This is funny!

32points

Victoria Jolley 7 years ago

haha this is literally my life

2points

Carmen Elena 7 years ago

Maybe the one on top must be below...

2points

vincent 4 years ago

rip

1point

Just Carmen 7 years ago

That's just so mean!

1point

Victor Lack 1 year ago

The Second Fortune Cookie Is Mean!

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

get rekt

0points

Heather Bryant 7 years ago

Lmbo

0points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

Ok?...

0points

#12

Don't Expect Much From A Cookie

Sassy fortune cookie message saying, "I cannot help you, for I am just a cookie," with smiley faces.

Final score:

122points

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Shruti Naik 7 years ago

'but you're yummy and you filled my tummy!'

35points

Heatherz_myBoo 7 years ago

No, you’re a paper, silly.

4points

Starflower 7 years ago

So true. Lol

2points

Dhanya Munro 7 years ago

That's deeeep.

2points

Jenn 7 years ago

best one

1point

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

That's true.

1point

Victor Lack 1 year ago

Makes Sence Mr Cookie

0points

vincent 4 years ago

aww thats adorable

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

sadly, yes...

0points

#13

Well Screw You Too Fortune Cookie

Fortune cookie saying: "You will marry a professional athlete—if competitive eating can be considered a sport." Sassy fortune.

Final score:

121points

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Shruti Naik 7 years ago

that's okay! you can grow old and fat together! :)

31points

Tessa 7 years ago

romantic <3

2points

✨Madisonnnn✨ 7 years ago

I got this one yesterday!

1point

Aitana Cedeno 3 years ago

WOW

0points

meow point1 3 years ago

Was this Marge Simpson's fortune cookie before she married Homer?

0points

vincent 4 years ago

it is a sport cookie >:(

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

Am i a joke to you?

0points

Just Carmen 7 years ago

Well damn! This must be my fortune cause I married one of these guys! 😂

0points

Heatherz_myBoo 7 years ago

Same bro

0points

Vlad Horobet 7 years ago

Looks like someone's marrying me.

0points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

So your wife/husband will be as greedy as Homer Simpson!

-2points

Cheryl Weldon 7 years ago

Or you'd marry Homer Simpson

1point

#14

My Wife And I Also Got Some Fortune Cookies

Sassy fortune cookie sayings about spending and saving labeled "wife" and "husband."

Final score:

113points

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John L 7 years ago

In the end, they will either compliment, or kill, each other. :D

34points

Victor Lack 1 year ago

John Don’t Ever Scare Me Again! >:(

0points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

That is a weird coincidence!

6points

Terry T. 7 years ago

There's a delicate balance to be found

3points

Ian Taggart 6 years ago

It's Murray and Darcy from that episode of Richie Rich.

1point

Jiří Schindler 7 years ago

Too much focus apparently

1point

vincent 4 years ago

oof?

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

What?????

0points

Kristin Connon 7 years ago

It's all about comprimise

0points

SnowyLynx 7 years ago

Wow, so right!!

0points

#15

This Was In My Fortune Cookie Last Night... Should I Call Somebody Or?..

Fortune cookie message on a table reading, "Help! I'm being held prisoner in a Chinese bakery!"

Final score:

113points

POST

Shruti Naik 7 years ago

call somebody

40points

John L 7 years ago

Its probably too late. ;D

10points

Shruti Naik 7 years ago

Tessa, you don't know that. Sometimes one phone call is all you need. I have heard of multiple scenarios where one phone call to the right department has saved lives so why not here as well? I agree its a bit far-fetched but still its worth a try if it saves someone's life.

5points

Magpie 7 years ago

The hard thing is that slavery is still happening. Try https://www.oxfam.org/en/pressroom/pressreleases/2017-08-09/torture-rape-and-slavery-libya-why-migrants-must-be-able-leave

2points

Tessa 7 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Analyn Lahr 7 years ago

Um...that would creep me out so bad.

3points

SnowyLynx 7 years ago

Wow, should i do something or just assume that it (like all the stuff) is false?

3points

Juana 7 years ago

Sadly not funny.

3points

Haylee Evans 7 years ago

dang call

1point

Kristin Connon 7 years ago

I'm so torn! I want to laugh, because it's funny, but that mature, responsible, adult part of my says, "human trafficking is not a joke," but it's still so funny! I'm going to hell...

1point

Bobbi Newell 7 years ago

Old joke...

1point

Aitana Cedeno 3 years ago

definetly call 911- :'D

0points

vincent 4 years ago

maybe the place you got the cookie from?

0points

Karter Duffy 5 years ago

Lol

0points

#16

Faster Than The Bear

Sassy fortune cookie saying: "You don't have to be faster than the bear, just faster than the slowest guy running from it."

Final score:

111points

POST

John L 7 years ago

Rule Number One for smart woodsman: Always carry a gun.

20points

Aine 7 years ago

Yeah, I've heard you're not able to deal with bears in the US... We're fine with them in 99.9% of cases in Canada, maybe we can show you.

8points

GoBucksGo34 6 years ago

You don't need to shoot them, not to mention that would be illegal unless you have a bear hunting permit and you shoot them within the selected days. I live in Wisconsin and we have bears up here all the time. As long as you carry something with you with bells on it (when we go for walks we have a walking stick with bells attached) then they stay away from the noise.

0points

GoBucksGo34 6 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points

$copper-fractions avatar$

Tiny Dynamine 7 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Neeraj Jha 7 years ago

Works always fine except for the times when you're running alone...

9points

Pull King 7 years ago

Then you sre the fstest and slowest.. Sou just run

2points

Anastasia Andreeva 7 years ago

This is a old russian joke my family all told me XD funny

2points

Starflower 7 years ago

So it is a Russian fortune cookie?

0points

Kristin Connon 7 years ago

This is why I always take someone with me when I go hiking. And I always pick someone I can beat at sprints.

1point

Victoria Jolley 7 years ago

haha my dad literally told me this an i was lost at first but then was like ohh...and he laughed at me lol

1point

vincent 4 years ago

id fight that ducking bear there's a man that survived with no like face

0points

Andra Hart 7 years ago

don't shoot the messenger!

0points

Jiří Schindler 7 years ago

Walk softly and carry a big gun.

0points

SnowyLynx 7 years ago

Or be dirty and trip the slowest guy...

0points

#17

Two Fortunes In One Cookie - Aaaaand I'm Offended

Sassy fortune cookie sayings with smiley faces: "You look pretty." and "In youth and beauty, wisdom is rare."

Final score:

96points

POST

SykesDaMan 7 years ago

You may not be young! :)

20points

Potato 7 years ago

Savage.

1point

Victor Lack 1 year ago

Wisdom Can Be Rare I Guess

0points

Aitana Cedeno 3 years ago

omfg bro-

0points

vincent 4 years ago

what

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

burn, baby burn

0points

Zelda 7 years ago

So its saying you are dumb and ug- ohh that little son of a Boboklin!

0points

Just Carmen 7 years ago

HAHAHA!

0points

Kristin Connon 7 years ago

When even your cookies think you're stupid. :(

0points

SnowyLynx 7 years ago

That is rude to all youngsters

0points

#18

When A Fortune Cookie Finally Speaks Up

Hand holding a sassy fortune cookie message about actions for the cookie, with painted nails visible.

Final score:

95points

POST

Muhammad Cisco Zulfikar 7 years ago

Be a romantic to a fortune cookie, be the woman!

9points

Victor Lack 1 year ago

Wait What?

0points

ThePanda 7 years ago

I love this one!!

2points

vincent 4 years ago

aww its cute i think?

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

eat you?

0points

Bobosteke 7 years ago

This should be higher up!

0points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

I don't get that?

0points

Emily Black 7 years ago

It is a parody of a famous JFK quote. "And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you -- ask what you can do for your country."

2points

Sunzilla 7 years ago

Since when did they start making fortune cookies in the USA? Seems like a cheat.

-1point

SnowyLynx 7 years ago

Must have been JFK’s

-2points

#19

I Think This Wins The 'Worst Fortune Cookie Of All Time' Award

Hand holding a tiny fortune cookie strip, showcasing a humorous take on sassy sayings.

Final score:

90points

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Penny Campbell 7 years ago

I don't know. I got a fortune cookie once and there wasn't a fortune in it. Someone took pity on me and gave me another cookie and it didn't have a fortune in it either.

45points

Rakooned 7 years ago

That exact same thing happened to me once at a panda express. After eating I opened the cookie and nothing. Went back up and grabbed another one and nothing. Got something in the third one but at that point I had already taken the first two empties as a bad omen.

3points

Sky 7 years ago

Man that sucks. :D But it’s hilarious

2points

it's ava the bus girl 7 years ago

You have no future... Dun dun dunnnnnn

1point

Jordy Star 7 years ago

mine had no cookie in it...and is was starving

0points

李米娜 (Mina) 7 years ago

that's unfortunate...

0points

Andrew Moore 7 years ago

You're going to die soon

0points

$copper-fractions avatar$

Tiny Dynamine 7 years ago

Government cuts... sigh.

1point

Vlad Horobet 7 years ago

That's the best advice i've ever heard!

1point

Victor Lack 1 year ago

It Also Wins ‘The Worlds Smallest Fortune Cookie’ Award

0points

vincent 4 years ago

where is the rest of it did it rip?

0points

Drewcorgiderp102 4 years ago

i once got one with no fortune

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

"YOU DO NOT HAVE A FORTUNE, THATS WHY"

0points

Bryce Truax 6 years ago

You KIDDING what

0points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

Ok that is good! I'm pressing that up arrow! *Eyes watery*

-1point

Sky 7 years ago

Wtf

0points

#20

I Think My Fortune Cookie Just Threatened Me

Sassy fortune cookie saying: "Enjoy yourself while you can."

Final score:

82points

POST

$copper-fractions avatar$

Tiny Dynamine 7 years ago

As in at the supermarket behind the freezer before the security guard catches you?

12points

Aitana Cedeno 3 years ago

or playing games at school until you get caught

0points

Jenn 7 years ago

is this a threat?!😂

3points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

What does it say on the back?

2points

Victor Lack 1 year ago

This Wins The ‘Scariest Fortune Cookie’ Award

0points

vincent 4 years ago

what?

0points

Annalise Pfaff 5 years ago

"nOaH? GeT tHe DeAtH sTaR!"

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

I'd be so scared if i saw this

0points

Rebecca Cote 7 years ago

Love the title

0points

Zelda 7 years ago

*creepy smile*

0points

Who Writes Funny Fortune Cookie Sayings?

If you want to make a prediction found in a fortune cookie funny, you need a master of the craft. Surprisingly, the author of funny fortune cookie quotes for Wonton Food isn't a professional writer. Donald Lau is the company’s chief financial officer, and according to his interview with CNN, he was given this job when the company was still small and he spoke the best English among all the employees.

He proved to have a great sense of humor and was the sole fortune cookie message writer for over 30 years. In his own words, Lau doesn’t see his fortunes as real predictions. They are just a fun way to finish a meal at a Chinese restaurant. Nevertheless, in his messages, Lau tries to combine humor with ancient Chinese traditions.

#21

My 3 Year Old Nephew Asked Me To Read Him His Fortune

Sassy fortune cookie saying on a slip reads, "You are not illiterate."

Final score:

78points

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Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

Wow!

11points

李米娜 (Mina) 7 years ago

How to explain that to a 3 year old?.....

2points

Kiaya Plews 6 years ago

Just tell him it means that, sooner or later, he'd have the ability to read on his own.

1point

Rebekah 7 years ago

LOLOL!!!!

1point

Skyi Yang 1 year ago

WAIT WAIT WAIT it said NOT, it needs to be you ARE illiterate

0points

Victor Lack 1 year ago

I Bet The Nephew Went Crying Into His Room!

0points

vincent 4 years ago

he's a kid so its not wrong :) though i could barely read dr Seuss books XD

0points

vincent 4 years ago

and when i first read one i was like 6 or 7 T^T

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

finally we get a good comment

0points

Every day is Caturday 4.0 7 years ago

I’ve gotten that one before!

0points

$copper-fractions avatar$

Tiny Dynamine 7 years ago

Isn't this a present cookie?

0points

#22

The Best Fortune Cookie Fortune Ever

Sassy fortune cookie message with bold text on white paper displaying humor and attitude.

Final score:

74points

POST

John L 7 years ago

For some reason I always thought that "brevity is the soul of wit". :D

22points

Andra Hart 7 years ago

well the fortune cookie disagrees :-\

2points

Neeraj Jha 7 years ago

By telling me that I am crazy, you sorta.. kinda... almost sum it.

4points

Eyad Babikir 7 years ago

Well that sums it up alright!!🤣🤣🤣🤣

1point

SnowyLynx 7 years ago

Wow, mind blown

1point

Taryn Wallace 7 years ago

I got a fortune once that said "next time order the shrimp"

1point

Victor Lack 1 year ago

Tell The Fortune Cookie That I’m Crazy

0points

Aitana Cedeno 3 years ago

Finally, someone says something

0points

vincent 4 years ago

im proud to be wired and unusual and crazy

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

That's basically me XD

0points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

I don't know! Are you crazy?

-1point

#23

What A Tease Haha

Sassy fortune cookie saying about seeing money in the future but not yours, on a wooden table near a lit candle.

Final score:

73points

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John L 7 years ago

To a professional thief, this could be good news. :D

27points

Jordy Star 7 years ago

how?

0points

A S Koziol 7 years ago

Story of my life...

5points

vincent 4 years ago

saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame

0points

jamelooot 7 years ago

what a mean cookie

2points

Kristin Connon 7 years ago

Story of my life

1point

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

ouch.

0points

Valeria Ruvalcaba 7 years ago

Sugar daddy?

0points

#24

How Did The Cookie Know?

Sassy fortune cookie saying about becoming $8.95 poorer, or $6.95 with buffet.

Final score:

71points

POST

John L 7 years ago

The fact that it would be made specifically for you, and arrive fresh, is well worth the extra $2.

22points

Irene Bocardo Reina 7 years ago

how does the buffet cost less?

3points

Victor Lack 1 year ago

Life Just Loves Confusing You!

0points

vincent 4 years ago

uh......what

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

are the cookies psychic or what

0points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

How did you know?

0points

#25

This Fortune Cookie Is Too Real...

Fortune cookie with a sassy message held in hand, against a colorful background.

Final score:

66points

POST

Analyn Lahr 7 years ago

Little nutritional value though.

18points

Cheryl Weldon 7 years ago

It's kind of sad though

6points

Gerry Higgins 7 years ago

I feel guilty I laughed.

5points

Jordy Star 7 years ago

omg sad

2points

SnowyLynx 7 years ago

Is that China’s way of saying that they support Hungry children ?!?!?!?!?!!!

2points

Kelly Zhang 7 years ago

For ur info, Fortune cookies were made in LA

1point

Haylee Evans 7 years ago

wow it just got real

1point

Matthew Hyder 7 years ago

Now that's just cruel. :(

1point

Victor Lack 1 year ago

I Feel Guilty

0points

Aitana Cedeno 3 years ago

wow. :'(

0points

vincent 4 years ago

thats sad T^T

0points

#26

My 9 Year Old Daughter Got This Fortune, I'm Happy For Her

Fortune cookie message predicting happiness for a married couple, with a sassy tone.

Final score:

66points

POST

Ethan Slusser 7 years ago

I thought of an idea. Use fortune cookies to come out to people.

29points

PyroarRanger 7 years ago

Omg yes

10points

WaLe 7 years ago

Damn yeah! That would have helped me out quite a lot in the past XD

5points

Kristin Connon 7 years ago

And when you break it open there should be a big explosion of sprinkles and a bright piece of paper that says, "I'm GAY!!!" I have a friend that would have loved that idea. Maybe I can talk him into going back into the closet just so we can pull it off... :D

4points

PyroarRanger 7 years ago

Yeah, why? :)

1point

Aitana Cedeno 3 years ago

Beautiful

0points

UniversalMel 7 years ago

Awww cute

6points

Kori 7 years ago

She can be what she wants

3points

earringnut 7 years ago

she is what she is

3points

IAmTheRealTimbo 7 years ago

My dad found one of these

1point

vincent 4 years ago

what *try's to understand* your 9 year old daughter got this that's? wired

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

This is nice

0points

TheOtakuQueen 6 years ago

Leave her daughter alone it's her decision. Don't be a d**k. Also, thank you if you were being nice

0points

Victoria Jolley 7 years ago

Well if it is true, Support her

0points

Cheryl Weldon 7 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Cerys Dunbar 7 years ago

yeah you know like your child thats a girl

19points

SnowyLynx 7 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Sky 7 years ago

Your comment is c**p, learn proper grammar if you want to be a d**k.

2points

#27

My Friend's Misprinted Fortune Is Kinda Dark

Sassy fortune cookie saying on a wooden table.

Final score:

65points

POST

Vlad Horobet 7 years ago

Me looking at my ex.

27points

Aitana Cedeno 3 years ago

yusss

0points

SnowyLynx 7 years ago

Me looking at my ex and saying this to a friend

2points

Bunnies4Zwin 7 years ago

ummm

2points

Jiří Schindler 7 years ago

Here, have a candle ...

1point

Victor Lack 1 year ago

Haha! I’m In Danger!

0points

vincent 4 years ago

welp i dont think it was a miss print

0points

Annalise Pfaff 5 years ago

me: *reads this* *looks at trump on tv*

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

Me seeing donald trump on tv

0points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

Two fortunes!

-1point

#28

My Fortune Cookie Has Either Seen Or Done Some Sh*t

Fortune cookie saying: "Three can keep a secret, if you get rid of two," on a wooden table.

Final score:

65points

POST

The Alchemist 7 years ago

Is anyone else thinking of the Pretty Little Liars theme?

31points

Wise Girl 7 years ago

YASS

2points

Verena Heisenberg 7 years ago

Of courseeee ;-))

1point

dari 7 years ago

YES

1point

Sky 7 years ago

Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead, or in this case two :)

2points

Mimis Nachbarin 7 years ago

Nothing to add. It is the cold harsh truth.

2points

Jiří Schindler 7 years ago

Dead man tells no tale

1point

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

True!

1point

Victor Lack 1 year ago

*screams into the void*

0points

vincent 4 years ago

i thought it was the intro to a show i like the song is secret and heres a part of the song "Got a secret, can you keep it? Swear this one you'll save Better lock it in your pocket Taking this one to the grave If I show you then I know you won't tell what I said 'Cause two can keep a secret if one of them is dead"

0points

Annalise Pfaff 5 years ago

holy-

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

becuase they gave away your secret

0points

Merriam Seno 7 years ago

Got a secret, can you keep it?

0points

#29

Worst Fortune Cookie Ever

Open fortune cookie with a sassy fortune message about death on a table.

Final score:

64points

POST

CultOfBambi 7 years ago

Since it doesn't say when, it's actually 100% accurate.

33points

GoBucksGo34 6 years ago

How do you know? Maybe by the time this person grows old a time traveler will have taken this person into the future with him where they have the technology to make someone live forever.

1point

MirohLoome (he/she/they) 1 year ago

unless youre immortal

0points

Bunnies4Zwin 7 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Rebekah 7 years ago

I laughed. I'm evil.

3points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

Oh. RUN!

3points

vincent 4 years ago

rip

1point

Annalise Pfaff 5 years ago

wow

1point

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

So you have chosen... death

1point

Victor Lack 1 year ago

I Don’t Think A Fortune Cookie Could Scar Me This Much But, Here We Are

0points

Melinda Burge 6 years ago

The first part could say 'You will escape...' - cryogenics forever!

0points

Anne 7 years ago

🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂

0points

Zsuzsanna Szucs 7 years ago

OMG 😅

0points

#30

My Fortune Cookie Fortune Is Strangely Distraught

A fortune cookie with a sassy saying: "I can't believe you're about to eat my tiny home."

Final score:

61points

POST

PyroarRanger 7 years ago

:(

16points

Ashley Lopez 7 years ago

:( :( :( :(

2points

Zsuzsanna Szucs 7 years ago

Put it back.

4points

Analyn Lahr 7 years ago

Guilt trip much, fortune?

4points

李米娜 (Mina) 7 years ago

oh no i has a sad :( cookie house

3points

Victor Lack 1 year ago

I Never Thought A Fortune Cookie Could Make Me Feel Guilty For Living But, Here We Are

0points

vincent 4 years ago

oof

0points

Annalise Pfaff 5 years ago

D.O. Droid: "SaD"

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

Again, makes you feel guilty but isn't this the meaning of fortune cookies

0points

Rebecca Cote 7 years ago

aww poor cookie

0points

#31

Avoid Gambling, But Hey, These Numbers Are Lucky!

Fortune cookie saying: "Avoid taking unnecessary gambles." Lucky numbers displayed.

Final score:

59points

POST

John L 7 years ago

None of these numbers are part of the "Fibonacci Sequence" (Golden Ratio of Beauty). Always go for good looks. ;D

13points

Jordy Star 7 years ago

"unneccesary gambles" though big difference

1point

李米娜 (Mina) 7 years ago

Note, it only said 'unnecessary' :P

1point

Victor Lack 1 year ago

I’m Not Choosing Any Of These “Lucky Numbers”

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

This is my mom

0points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

The first two is counting in the two times tables!

-2points

Cheryl Weldon 7 years ago

Interesting... :)

1point

#32

I Spent 30 Minutes Trying To Get My Fortune Without Breaking The Bag Or Cookie

Fortune cookie saying: "Your efforts have not gone unnoticed," wrapped in a clear package held by a person.

Final score:

59points

POST

Cheryl Weldon 7 years ago

Why?

15points

Chloe Oldenberg 7 years ago

For fun

12points

Alia G. 7 years ago

Why not?

5points

$copper-fractions avatar$

Tiny Dynamine 7 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

vincent 4 years ago

aww *sudden realization* that's creepy.......someone must be watching you from afar =/

1point

Victor Lack 1 year ago

Aww *realizing suddenly* I Just Discovers That I’m In Danger!

0points

Pi... 7 years ago

Just Coz it hasn't gone unnoticed , doesn't mean they're not laughing!

1point

Charlotte Brine 7 years ago

And probably impressed

2points

Andrew Scott 5 years ago

that fortune is very à propos

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

the guy was probably like F*ck you

0points

Heather Johnson 7 years ago

The bag doesn't even look crinkled or anything. Doesn't look like he messed with it at all lol

0points

#33

Which One Of You Bastards Works In The Fortune Cookie Business?

Fortune cookie with a humorous message: "For rectal use only" on a wooden surface.

Final score:

58points

POST

John L 7 years ago

Hey, if you are about to use as intended, please don't forget to grease the shaft.

16points

Daria Zotova 7 years ago

This one made me laugh out loud :D

5points

Yvonne Blau 7 years ago

snort

4points

Annalise Pfaff 5 years ago

Mom: "Why are you laughing so loud?" Me, still laughing: "Jedi business, go back to your drinks."

1point

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

o_0 hm

1point

Melinda Burge 7 years ago

A fortune cookie up the rear end..ouch...suppose it would soften after a while?

1point

Rebecca Cote 7 years ago

OMG

1point

Victor Lack 1 year ago

What Does Rectal Mean!?

0points

vincent 4 years ago

what?

0points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

I don't even know!

-3points

#34

My Friend Got Rick Rolled By A Fortune Cookie

Sassy fortune cookie saying on a table, referencing a popular song lyric in a playful twist.

Final score:

57points

POST

$copper-fractions avatar$

Tiny Dynamine 7 years ago

I have to quickly scroll past those lyrics before I get the song stuck in my head.

17points

earringnut 7 years ago

damb! too late.

5points

it's ava the bus girl 7 years ago

Same!

2points

Crookshanks 3 years ago (edited)

Never gonna give you up, Never gonna let you down

1point

Victor Lack 2 years ago

Why did they do that to him? cause bro that’s stupid!

0points

Victor Lack 2 years ago

Why did they do that to that guy?

0points

Matthew Hyder 7 years ago

This should be higher! XD Too old? :p

2points

Yvonne Blau 7 years ago

I agree :-D

1point

vincent 4 years ago

XD im dyeing

1point

Melinda Burge 6 years ago

It is also never gonna turn around and hurt you

1point

Victoria Jolley 7 years ago

I actually loveee this song

1point

Victor Lack 1 year ago

*rips the stupid paper*

0points

#35

Thank You Captain Obvious

Fortune cookie with a sassy saying about oranges and juice, featuring lucky numbers below.

Final score:

56points

POST

Cerys Dunbar 7 years ago

your next fortune cookie: your welcome sergeant sarcastic

16points

C.Marrero 7 years ago

Ignored previous cookie

3points

Vlad Horobet 7 years ago

Here's your free passage for the wrongfully use of your second "your " granted by the blast of laugh you gave me in the previous post xD

3points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

XD LOL

0points

Victor Lack 1 year ago

8

0points

queenie1000 Ocello 3 years ago

It’s like if I squeeze my ex husband. A*****e juice will come out, duh

0points

vincent 4 years ago

the heck

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

the makes probably couldn't come up with anything

0points

How Can You Use Funny Fortune Cookie Messages?

Apart from being just a fun message to put a smile on someone's face, funny fortune cookie sayings can be turned into an amusing dare game with tasks to complete once you’ve eaten a cookie.

You can also turn it into an endearing tradition by leaving messages for your loved one in their pockets, notebook, or other unexpected places. Funny fortune cookie sayings will surely brighten their day and make them smile.

#36

Our School Fortunes Use A New Kind Of Motivation

Sassy fortune cookie message about missing car payments, held between fingers.

Final score:

56points

POST

PyroarRanger 7 years ago

Well then...

6points

Victor Lack 1 year ago

Guess I’m Skipping Some Car Payments Every Second!

0points

vincent 4 years ago

the heckles

0points

Annalise Pfaff 5 years ago

Ouch

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

??

0points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Sky 7 years ago

IDIOTS!

-1point

#37

Oops

Sassy fortune cookie with message: "That wasn't chicken."

Final score:

54points

POST

John L 7 years ago

There's a chance that the bulgogi you enjoyed at the Korean restaurant, at the Winter Olympics, may have been served with Man's Best Friend. Dog-on-the...951595.jpg

11points

Magpie 7 years ago

Times like these: it is just easier to be vegetarian.

7points

PyroarRanger 7 years ago

Oh dear

2points

Starflower 7 years ago

Yep!

1point

Skyi Yang 1 year ago

I hate those stereotypes

0points

Victor Lack 2 years ago

I’m Hungry

0points

Annalise Pfaff 5 years ago

Me: *takes big sip of unsee juice*

0points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

Ok? Good to know?

1point

vincent 4 years ago

what wasnt?

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

this makes me nervous...

0points

LunasTeam 7 years ago

he had a beef stew.

0points

Postagelamaface 7 years ago

We no see your cat. Jks

-1point

#38

Pretty Sure My Fortune Cookie Is Telling Me To Masturbate...

Sassy fortune cookie saying about treating yourself instead of waiting on others.

Final score:

53points

POST

John L 7 years ago

If that other 'someone' is attractive and sexy, it would be well worth the wait. :D

12points

UniversalMel 7 years ago

Ummmmm wow

1point

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

mmm

0points

Victoria Jolley 7 years ago

Wonder if he was married and if he was what the wife said

0points

SnowyLynx 7 years ago

Why, is this proof that the Chinese promote to much sex?

-1point

SnowyLynx 7 years ago

Why is our world so dark??

-1point

Sky 7 years ago

Why do you complain so much?

1point

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

#39

So Honest

Sassy fortune cookie saying with random numbers for humor.

Final score:

52points

POST

Neeraj Jha 7 years ago

Honest cookie.

9points

$copper-fractions avatar$

Tiny Dynamine 7 years ago

How insensitive to the person whose phone number that is.

1point

Asoka Tenfold 1 year ago

It's someone named Barbara L. Raymond in Northwestern Massachusetts.

0points

Victor Lack 2 years ago

I Want To Play Cookie Clicker Like You Guys Should!

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

that's basically my sister XD

0points

Melinda Burge 7 years ago

Finally, someone points out how useless gambling is

0points

Lomion 7 years ago

4 8 15 16 23 42 Just a numbers, they said.... Those mean nothing, they said....

0points

Vlad Horobet 7 years ago

I don't know about the rest, but 42 is the answer to life.

3points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

??? Well I guess there not lucky numbers?

-1point

#40

My Fortune Cookie Sounds Like Satan Trying To Give A Motivational Speech

Sassy fortune cookie with a witty saying about enthusiasm and attention.

Final score:

51points

POST

Eliane Prado 7 years ago

Hahahahaha

6points

Victor Lack 2 years ago

Wow That’s Rude!

0points

Victor Lack 1 year ago

Wow That’s Rude!

0points

vincent 4 years ago

some men just wanna see the world burn

0points

Annalise Pfaff 5 years ago

Me: Australia, here i come!

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

Sounds nice NOT

0points

PyroarRanger 7 years ago

Okay then... (To Miranda Cosgrove: Stop being such a troll)

0points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Charlotte Brine 7 years ago

No one wants you to

1point

#41

Unusual Predictions

Sassy fortune cookie saying about love and a centaur prediction.

Final score:

48points

POST

Shruti Naik 7 years ago

basically non-existent

17points

Bunnies4Zwin 7 years ago

Firenze, from Harry Potter?

3points

Analyn Lahr 7 years ago

Okay, I would love to be the person who writes the fortunes. I would have such fun.

3points

Victor Lack 1 year ago

Slender Man, Is That You?

0points

Micah Wright 4 years ago

one constellation is a centaur

0points

TuxCat13 5 years ago

Is this person a DND player?

0points

Melinda Burge 6 years ago

So does that mean I should bring my own saddle so that we can go on rides in the countryside?

0points

Rebecca Cote 7 years ago

Hahahaha

0points

Sam Petter 7 years ago

Hell yes a Sagittarius

0points

Weeping Willowz (WeepingWillowz) 7 years ago

Would it be Banr or Ferenzá?

0points

Matthew Hyder 7 years ago

Metaphorical for a Sagittarius? :? Oh, and we're all half-centaur though so idk. XD

0points

#42

I Think My Fortune Cookie Just Threatened Me

Fortune cookie saying: "You laugh now, wait till you get home" on a wooden table.

Final score:

46points

POST

Pull King 7 years ago

My body before a night of drinking

11points

Sushi Smack 7 years ago

call a hotel

2points

Victor Lack 2 years ago

The Cookie: Time To Get The Knife!

1point

Victor Lack 1 year ago

I Agree With Myself!

0points

vincent 4 years ago

ive gotten this i think its 1 of three 1."someones watching you from afar" 2.this one 3."run."

0points

Annalise Pfaff 5 years ago

now would be a good time to call someone. like a funeral home

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

this is dark

0points

#43

My Pet Is Planning What?

Fortune cookie with a sassy message: "Your pet is planning to eat you."

Final score:

45points

POST

Vlad Horobet 7 years ago

Nonsense. My 12 foot crocodile is so well educated. Just look how he smiles and drools while he sees me.

45points

Bunnies4Zwin 7 years ago

Exactly!

2points

$copper-fractions avatar$

Tiny Dynamine 7 years ago

My snail???!!!

2points

Victor Lack 1 year ago

My Cat Is Planning To What Now!?

0points

vincent 4 years ago

ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!!!!!!!!!!!!!

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

we shouldn't have adopted her, sweetie

0points

Kelly Zhang 7 years ago

But my pet is a chicken...(true) do I eat HIM

0points

Shruti Naik 7 years ago

true if your pet is a snake

0points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

#44

Good To Know

Sassy fortune cookie with an unexpected and humorous message on a bamboo mat.

Final score:

44points

POST

Alan Turns 9 7 years ago

Whaaaaaaaat?!

21points

Magpie 7 years ago

Um the retina is at the BACK of the eye...ok now I'm scared.

4points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

why have the past 4 cookies been so dark

1point

Victor Lack 1 year ago

Haha! *sudden realization* I’m Getting The Bleach!

0points

Asoka Tenfold 1 year ago

they sell these on Vat19.

0points

Clark Kent 7 years ago

damn! I did learn this the hard way and never knew it was pigeon poop till today!

0points

Rebecca Cote 7 years ago

Strange...I wonder who learned that and decided it was worth putting in a cookie?

0points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Jana Spreemann 7 years ago

Maybe that's because the RETINA is not on the leg?

17points

Poor unfortunate soul 7 years ago

Okay dumbass, the retina is in the eye, so it make sense that it didn’t burn.

5points

ADHORTATOR 7 years ago

Retina and leg are different...

3points

Charlotte Brine 7 years ago

Gosh you're an idiot.

1point

#45

The Amazingly Accurate Fortune Cookie

Sassy fortune cookie message: "You are about to finish reading a fortune cookie" with lucky numbers.

Final score:

44points

POST

Vlad Horobet 7 years ago

Actually i've stopped before the lucky numbers. Ha! *rebels away*

21points

Victor Lack 1 year ago

Well Duh!

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

OK BOOMER

0points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

That is just wow!

0points

#46

We Got Three Fortunes With Our Meal. I Have Now Learned All I Ever Need To Know Now In Chinese

Fortune cookie sayings with Chinese translations for "cold," "beer," and "please," on a wooden table.

Final score:

44points

POST

Pull King 7 years ago

My god. ;);)

15points

Analyn Lahr 7 years ago

Neat. I hope those are the actual translations.

5points

Mo Lee 7 years ago

Yes they are:)

3points

Victor Lack 1 year ago

好吧，那很酷!

0points

vincent 4 years ago

i dont understand

0points

Useless Panda 7 years ago

But the grammar is wrong. It works in English but in Mandarin that does not make sense.

0points

#47

Deep

Fortune cookie with a sassy message asking about the ocean's depth without sponges, held against a yellow background.

Final score:

41points

POST

Neeraj Jha 7 years ago

When SpongeBob writes your Fortune cookie....

26points

李米娜 (Mina) 7 years ago

clearly spongebob is going through an emotionally difficult time...

5points

Ian Taggart 6 years ago

about -1000 ft. Give or take.

1point

vincent 4 years ago

still deep right? im questioning my self now

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

not much

0points

$copper-fractions avatar$

Tiny Dynamine 7 years ago

About this much deeper.

-2points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Sky 7 years ago

*Eyeroll*

2points

#48

So I Heard You Liked Fortune Cookies (From Scotland)

Sassy fortune cookie with the message, "Be kind to pigeons. A statue will some day be made of you," held between fingers.

Final score:

39points

POST

Blue Cicada 7 years ago

Made _out_of_ me, or made to _honour_ me?!

17points

Annalise Pfaff 5 years ago

it depends, the pigeon council will decide your fate.

1point

Analyn Lahr 7 years ago

So, cookie, you're saying that pigeons hold grudges?

1point

Victor Lack 1 year ago

Made Out Of Me, Or To Houner Me?

0points

vincent 4 years ago

what?

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

Wait a second...

0points

Weeping Willowz (WeepingWillowz) 7 years ago

Scotland really seems love pigeons.

0points

Sushi Smack 7 years ago

thanks?

0points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

???

-2points

Vlad Horobet 7 years ago

Pigeons sh*t on statues.

5points

#49

Haha Is This A Good Fortune?

Sassy fortune cookie with a message: "The job is well done." Smiley face accentuates the playful tone.

Final score:

39points

POST

Shruti Naik 7 years ago

ohh the irony!

10points

Victor Lack 1 year ago

Thank You Mr Fortune Cookie!

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

-_-

0points

Cheryl Weldon 7 years ago

I would have just eaten the cookie if I worked there.

-2points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Cheryl Weldon 7 years ago

*It

0points

#50

Nice Try, Fortune Cookie

Fortune cookie with sassy saying about eating more Chinese food for health.

Final score:

38points

POST

Kelly Zhang 7 years ago

Seirously, its true (NOT LING)

6points

Victor Lack 1 year ago

You Dare Challenge Me!?

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

are you challenging me

0points

TC 7 years ago

I believe this 100 %

0points

Rebekah 7 years ago

Reminds me of: Remember to drink your Ovaltine.

-2points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

He just wants to get money for the shop! Ha ha! :D

-2points

#51

Depends On The Muppet

Sassy fortune cookie saying about resembling a muppet.

Final score:

38points

POST

Phil The Computer 7 years ago

Am I a muppet? Or a man?

13points

Grace Smith 7 years ago

IM OF MUPPET OF A MAN. IM VERY MANLY MUUPPPEEETTTTT

3points

A S Koziol 7 years ago

Oh I would love to give this one to an old boss of mine!

1point

Victor Lack 1 year ago

Wait Am I Now A Muppet!?

0points

vincent 4 years ago

animal :)

0points

vincent 4 years ago

animal is a Muppet btw

0points

Anne DeKam 4 years ago

ATTN: Joe Biden

0points

Magpie 7 years ago

OMG wonder how old that is. Kevin Rudd was our Prime Minister for a while. Now we know why no one took him seriously.

0points

Analyn Lahr 7 years ago

Odd because I take muppets very seriously. ;)

0points

#52

Was Looking For Wisdom And Got This... Though Very Accurate, Completely Useless...

Close-up of a sassy fortune cookie saying, "There is no angry way to say bubbles," next to a glass of champagne.

Final score:

36points

POST

Alia G. 7 years ago

Maybe if you had a dog named Bubbles and you were scolding them? But who could get angry at a dog named Bubbles...

10points

Melinda Burge 6 years ago

I gather the champagne glass in the background is an attempt at irony. Bubble in French is le bulle :)

0points

Blakkur Sverrir 7 years ago

You know, when you open a bottle of cider and the @&*%# bubbles make you spill half of it over your clothes?

1point

UniversalMel 7 years ago

Yes. There. Is

1point

Alexis Peyton 1 year ago

Han solo does it in Empire Strikes back.

0points

Victor Lack 1 year ago

You Dare Challenge Me!?

0points

Kellie Noffsinger 4 years ago

Unless Mr. Lahey and Randy are saying it

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

huh

0points

Rebecca Cote 7 years ago

Every time I say bubbles I think of the Powerpuff girls... and there is no mean way to say it, I tried. :)

0points

Zelda 7 years ago

The fingers is not touching the fortune...

0points

Phil The Computer 7 years ago

I've heard the professor yell at bubbles once or twice

0points

#53

My Dads Fortune Cookie Paper Has Misaligned Print

A sassy fortune cookie saying on a black background reading "fail."

Final score:

35points

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Bunnies4Zwin 7 years ago

This is predicting the result of my math test.

10points

Melinda Burge 6 years ago

And my psychology report

2points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

They did fail!

1point

Victor Lack 1 year ago

Yep I’m Getting The Holy Water!

0points

Ilsa Junaid 4 years ago

Lol me when i get my mhe test back unnamed-60...671a6c.jpg

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

me before going to athletics tryouts

0points

Le Box of Shame 6 years ago

It was indeed a fail.

0points

Anne 7 years ago

😃

0points

#54

My Fortune Cookie Disagreed With Itself

Fortune cookie on tray with a sassy message about taking risks, plate of food in background.

Final score:

35points

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Vlad Horobet 7 years ago

Bored panda opened a chinese restaurant.

14points

Phil The Computer 7 years ago

No that's his jerky cousin "Panda Express" All he cares about is money

2points

Victor Lack 1 year ago

Congratulations Bored Panda! You Made A Chinese Restaurant!

0points

GoBucksGo34 6 years ago

Um..no. Panda Express is one of the most popular fast food restaurants...

0points

Shruti Naik 7 years ago

do what you want!

1point

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

CUT THEM APART BEFORE THEY FIGHT! XD

1point

Matthew Hyder 7 years ago

I think you got some weird 2-in-1 fortune. :? Looks kind of thick. :p

0points

#55

Didn't Expect The Same Fortune In My Second Cookie

Two fortune cookie sayings stating, "The smart thing is to prepare for the unexpected."

Final score:

35points

POST

Pull King 7 years ago

*not prepared*

10points

Victor Lack 1 year ago

Hold The F***k Up

1point

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

hold up...

0points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

#56

Hungover As Hell, I Stumbled Into A Chinese Buffet And Ate Five Plates. Then I Get This Fortune

Man holding a sassy fortune cookie saying, "Life is a series of choices. Today yours are good ones," in a restaurant setting.

Final score:

35points

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✨Madisonnnn✨ 7 years ago

His shirt! Ha I love it!!!!

5points

Yvonne Blau 7 years ago

Wow, that is some hangover... looks like you also got into a fight, or fell off the barstool

1point

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

Niceeeeee :)

0points

TheOtakuQueen 6 years ago

What the f***k lol

0points

Anne 7 years ago

Hihihihi good head!

0points

Taryn Wallace 7 years ago

Were you drinking to make like tooth pain go away cuz the did of your face looks a little (ok a lot) swollen

0points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

Good for you!

-1point

#57

My Friend And I Just Opened Fortune Cookies Together

Two sassy fortune cookie sayings about discovering hidden talents.

Final score:

34points

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Daria B 7 years ago

You will start a band. ♥

9points

SykesDaMan 7 years ago

You can be their agent!

2points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

*slowly looks at each other*

0points

TheOtakuQueen 6 years ago

Wow....what a coincidence

0points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

#58

Nice Try, Fortune. Still Not Gonna Try Anal

Sassy fortune cookie saying on a woven mat: "Comfort zones are most often expanded through discomfort."

Final score:

33points

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Shruti Naik 7 years ago

fortune cookies. Always distributing useful information!

4points

Rebekah 7 years ago

Up vote for the heading.

1point

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

USELESS

0points

Le Box of Shame 6 years ago

That could be easily used against you

0points

#59

Abort, Retry, Ignore

Sassy fortune cookie message reading "Fortune Not Found: Abort, Retry, Ignore?" placed on a wooden table.

Final score:

33points

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Haylee Evans 7 years ago

lmao

2points

Ryley Nelson 4 years ago

i got that exact same f*****g fortune no cap!

0points

Ryley Nelson 4 years ago

i got that same exact f*****g fortune no cap

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

huhhh

0points

PyroarRanger 7 years ago

Retry please

0points

Kelly Zhang 7 years ago

I'm the single commenter

-1point

#60

Thought I'd Be Cool And Take The Fortune Out Of The Cookie Without Breaking It

Sassy fortune cookie saying: "If your cookie is in 2 pieces, the answer is yes," on a countertop.

Final score:

32points

POST

$copper-fractions avatar$

Tiny Dynamine 7 years ago

My question was how long will it take before I can afford a car?

4points

earringnut 7 years ago

the answer is "no"

2points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

Well you tried!

1point

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

WAT

0points

TheOtakuQueen 6 years ago

Savage

0points

#61

This Fortune Cookie Was Getting Really Philosophical With Me

Fortune cookie message asking humorously, "What's the speed of dark?"

Final score:

31points

POST

$copper-fractions avatar$

Tiny Dynamine 7 years ago

Scientifically it is stationery as darkness contains neither particles nor waves, as light does. Discuss. ;)

9points

Blakkur Sverrir 7 years ago

According to Terry Prazchett Darkness must be faster than light because it gets everywhere way ahead of light.

4points

Weeping Willowz (WeepingWillowz) 7 years ago

✋Um, Ms Dynamine? Steve’s flicking spitballs at me again.

2points

Kenny Kulbiski 7 years ago

Dark energy? I haven't a clue, just wanted to muddy the waters a bit.

0points

GoBucksGo34 6 years ago

That is false. Do you know what dark matter is?

-2points

Chloe Oldenberg 7 years ago

The same as light speed

1point

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

uh

0points

Leta Rivas 7 years ago

Most of us already know that darkness is the absence of light, and that light travels at the fastest speed possible for a physical object. So, what does this mean? In short, it means that, the moment that light leaves, darkness returns. In this respect, darkness has the same speed as light.

0points

Phil The Computer 7 years ago

Hey! Vsauce, Michael here!

0points

Virgil Blue 7 years ago

This cookie maker has obviously reads Discworld books.

0points

#62

Fortune Cookie Is Eliminating The Competition

Fortune cookie with a sassy saying about ignoring other fortune telling.

Final score:

31points

POST

Analyn Lahr 7 years ago

Magic 8 Ball is all "Come at me, bro!"

6points

PyroarRanger 7 years ago

XD

2points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

Wow this one is really rash

0points

#63

My Fortune Cookie Was Rather Blunt

A sassy fortune cookie message reads: "Pull your head out of your a*s... life won’t be so s****y."

Final score:

31points

POST

Alan Turns 9 7 years ago

...Sometimes, tough love is needed...

8points

Matthew Hyder 7 years ago

Their allowed to curse? o.o

2points

Robert Morson 7 years ago

Why not? You're allowed to spell "they're" incorrectly.

-1point

Anne 7 years ago

Hahaha nice one!!!! Lol!!!

1point

TheOtakuQueen 6 years ago

Wow....*Slowly claps* that cookie is the definition of "tough love"

0points

#64

Chef Grinned After I Opened My Fortune Cookie

Sassy fortune cookie saying: "Your fortune said you need to make a donation. Give it to the chef."

Final score:

31points

POST

ALIYAH ALLEN 7 years ago

nice try.

7points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

say sike right now

0points

Rebecca Cote 7 years ago

Haha

0points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

Wow!

-2points

#65

Is This Not The Creepiest Fortune Cookie You've Ever Seen?

Fortune cookie paper with a sassy saying: "Be cautious while walking in darkness alone."

Final score:

30points

POST

Zelda 7 years ago

Oh god..

4points

Annalise Pfaff 5 years ago

im glad im see in this this morning and not last night

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

(is walking in the darkness alone currently)

0points

Daria Zotova 7 years ago

Always

0points

#66

I Got A Political Fortune Cookie Yesterday

Sassy fortune cookie saying about inheriting national debt, with numbers and Chinese translation for "self" as Zi-Ji.

Final score:

29points

POST

$copper-fractions avatar$

Tiny Dynamine 7 years ago

I didn't know blessed was a synonym for fu....d.

5points

Alia G. 7 years ago

Wow, thanks just what we wanted

0points

#67

This Cookie Really Sees The Future

Fortune cookie message with sassy saying about coming up with better fortunes, includes lucky numbers 30, 24, 7, 12, 31, 44.

Final score:

29points

POST

Kelly Zhang 7 years ago

Geez! I could come up with better fortunes than that!

9points

Starflower 7 years ago

Lol Well played.

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

ha!

0points

Seif Williams 7 years ago

True

0points

#68

That's Oddly Specific Fortune Cookie

Sassy fortune cookie saying: "Tomorrow Morning, Take a left turn as soon as you leave home."

Final score:

29points

POST

Magpie 7 years ago

Check with Rose first.

8points

Cathy Keiran 7 years ago

‘Ello fellow whovian

4points

BoopityBooptiyBooper 7 years ago

Side Quest unlocked

2points

Katherine Yeager 4 years ago

Do you live on cul-de-sac?

0points

Annalise Pfaff 5 years ago

Drive carefully

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

seems a bit dark

0points

Paul Hutton 7 years ago

haha, I'd return home. score!!!

0points

Analyn Lahr 7 years ago

No! Don't turn left! It'll lead to an alternate worse reality.

0points

Analyn Lahr 7 years ago

As I recall.

0points

PyroarRanger 7 years ago

Sluglty creepy...

0points

#69

Of All The Possible Fortune Messages To Get Multiple Of In A Single Cookie...

Fortune cookie sayings: "You are one in a million" repeated four times on a red background.

Final score:

28points

POST

$copper-fractions avatar$

Tiny Dynamine 7 years ago

You are actually one in 7 billion, like everyone else.

7points

Matthew Hyder 7 years ago

How do you even get multiple fortunes in a cookie? :?

1point

Magpie 7 years ago

It is a one in a millio.....nevermind.

0points

Kadenkaje Daa 5 years ago

you could have picked a better one for 69 pathatic

0points

Kadenkaje Daa 5 years ago

should have done better for 69

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

is it trying to rap or something

0points

#70

These Are Horrible Fortune Cookies

Fortune cookies on a table with sassy sayings: "Enhance your feminine side" and "Medical opportunity in your future."

Final score:

28points

POST

PyroarRanger 7 years ago

Interesting....

8points

マイキーバローニー 5 years ago

It's just suggesting you need to get a sex-change.

2points

This Lil Raccoon 7 years ago

How's that horrible?

5points

PyroarRanger 7 years ago

Exactly

2points

Annalise Pfaff 5 years ago

You wanna just throw a "You will be trans very soon" in there?

1point

meow point1 3 years ago

She will go to the gyno?

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

FUUU-

0points

Ian Taggart 6 years ago

It's wrong to try to be a different gender.

-2points

ImAPerson 4 years ago

Transgender people do not try to be a different gender or even choose to be a different one. They are born as their gender, but as one that is different than their sex (assigned gender at birth). LGBT+ people do not choose to be like that. They are BORN that way.

3points

#71

My Fortune Cookie Fortune About Being A True Patriot

Sassy fortune cookie saying about patriotism and parking tickets on textured fabric background.

Final score:

26points

POST

Bunnies4Zwin 7 years ago

No One then?

9points

Annalise Pfaff 5 years ago

I pity the mall santa from Home Alone right now. This also reminds me of a Star Wars quote.

0points

Le Box of Shame 6 years ago

The Easter Bunny from Home Alone is fuming

0points

Alan Turns 9 7 years ago

o.O I disagree

-1point

#72

Went Out For Chinese Food Last Night. How Is This Even A Fortune?

Sassy fortune cookie message on a table, with a glass in the background.

Final score:

26points

POST

Rebekah 7 years ago

AH! Burn it!

5points

Annalise Pfaff 5 years ago

Are you female?

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

bruh

0points

Kelly Zhang 7 years ago

IT IS.

0points

#73

My Fortune Cookie Doesn't Make Sense

Sassy fortune cookie message on a table, reading "Something wonderful is about to happy."

Final score:

25points

POST

annibell way 7 years ago

Goddamn autocorrect

15points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago (edited)

lel true

0points

Ian Taggart 6 years ago

typo

1point

Alia G. 7 years ago

Ah, of course

1point

Annalise Pfaff 5 years ago

Do you are have stupid?

0points

Chloe Oldenberg 7 years ago

Cute :)

-1point

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

#74

The Most Important Word To Learn For Beginners?

Fortune cookie paper with a sassy message teaching the Chinese word for "disease" and lucky numbers below.

Final score:

24points

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Phil The Computer 7 years ago

Jar jar bing!

4points

Korbin McGee 1 year ago

actually "Jar Jar BINKS" if you listen to the actual movie instead of most likely talking

0points

Aga Medrala 7 years ago

Like Chandler Bing from Friends

4points

TC 7 years ago

Bing-o

1point

Annalise Pfaff 5 years ago

No one gonna mention covid?

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

whhhaaattt?

0points

Zelda 7 years ago

Wanna know why? Cuz ur tummy be like bing bing bing...right? Horrible pun.

0points

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

#75

Got This In My Fortune Cookie Today

Fortune cookie saying on a wooden table reading, "Pass the bill to the person of your left," with a sassy tone.

Final score:

24points

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Kirstin Lsomething 6 years ago

I had that 1 before

1point

#76

I Think My Fortune Cookie Is Trolling Me

Fortune cookie saying on a table: "Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow."

Final score:

23points

POST

#77

You Don't Say

Person holding a sassy fortune cookie saying, reacting with a surprised expression.

Final score:

23points

POST

UniversalMel 7 years ago

Nice gravity defying hair

16points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

but then why would we be even working on the f'n problem

0points

Le Box of Shame 6 years ago

her face is the very soul of angry fortune cookies

0points

John Dooley 6 years ago

You look exactly like my daughter Brittany

0points

Anne 7 years ago

Hahaha

0points

$copper-fractions avatar$

Tiny Dynamine 7 years ago

Jedward! (/2)

-3points

#78

That's My Fortune?

Fortune cookie message reads: "You really crack me up," showcasing a sassy and humorous saying.

Final score:

21points

POST

Magpie 7 years ago

Hang on that's a history cookie.

4points

#79

I Don't Like The Fortune Cookie My Wife Got For Our Anniversary

Fortune cookie with a sassy saying: "It could be better, but it's good enough," on a textured surface.

Final score:

20points

POST

Cheryl Weldon 7 years ago

*It's

4points

Annalise Pfaff 5 years ago

oof

0points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

sad but true

0points

#80

Fortune Cookie

Fortune cookie paper with sassy saying: "We don't know the future, but you just got a free cookie."

Final score:

20points

POST

Annalise Pfaff 5 years ago

is there not an extra fee?

2points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

this is basically my personality

1point

Analyn Lahr 7 years ago

I think they're included in the price.

0points

#81

Umm... Instructions Unclear, Fortune Cookie

Fortune cookie with sassy saying: "Family relationships will improve with time in bed."

Final score:

18points

POST

Mohd Sharif 7 years ago

Welcome to Alabama

7points

meow point1 3 years ago

Maybe it just means napping.

1point

#82

After Eating Delicious Chinese Food. My Fortune Cookie Decided To Be An Asshole

Fortune cookie message about improving exercise routine in a sassy tone.

Final score:

16points

POST

Zelda 7 years ago

Lol.

2points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

bullshiat

0points

#83

Maybe Next Time

Sassy fortune cookie message: "Pick another fortune cookie."

Final score:

14points

POST

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

Hmmm

2points

#84

Moms Know Best

Fortune cookie saying with a sassy message: "Ask Your Mom" on a wooden table.

Final score:

14points

POST

Miranda Cosgrove 7 years ago

Rapunzel's fake Mom agrees!

4points

That One Feminist 7 years ago

Her name is Mother Gothel.

-1point

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

for...?

1point

OGULU OKODOGUN 3 years ago

Anybody can cast a spell but not everybody can direct a successful spell with a positive results. Here you have Quick love spells mantras for love issues. I assure you %101 success if you do the mantras correctly. WHAT YOU NEED * Alter * Red candles Prayers Dear Mata Durga Goddess of love, I ask that you hear me. Please let ( mention your desired one) Send love towards me. So mote it be. Create a clear picture in your mind of your perfect partner. These vibrations can attract your imaginary man or woman into your life. 2. Make a relationship collage with pictures of things that are important to you. 3. Be specific when you visualize the environment and your future together. 4. Put it in writing. Make a list of your needs and wants in a satisfying relationship. 5. Place the list where you can see it often. The more time and energy you devote to it, the closer the reality becomes. 6. Focus on the list and verbalize it. Repeat it aloud for even greater impact. There's nothing like

0points

Le Box of Shame 6 years ago

So, the cookie is an annoying elementary school teacher

0points

#85

Worst Fortune Cookie Ever

Fortune cookie paper mentioning gluten-free menu preparation details at P.F. Chang's.

Final score:

13points

POST

Jenn 7 years ago

always good to know

4points

BOT-Windbound 5 years ago

thanks... :'(

0points

#86

One Of The Best Fortune Cookie Fortunes I’ve Ever Gotten

Fortune cookie with a sassy message about flirting intentions, held between fingers.

Final score:

9points

POST

Zelda 7 years ago

Lol

1point

Tejinder Gill 4 years ago

# 87 Your Boundless Heart Will Make Room For One More

0points