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This Online Group Celebrates Sentences That Probably No One Has Ever Thought Of Before, Here Are 50 Of The Best (New Pics)
The beauty of reading is that you never know what strange word constructions your eyes might come across—it’s an exercise in expanding our imaginations. Meanwhile, the beauty of writing lies in the fact that sometimes, when you’re caught up in the flow of things, you never truly know what you’ll end up saying until you put pen to paper (or, rather, pixelated ink to word processing documents).
Any writer worth their salt knows the joy of writing something powerful, unique, and mesmerizing. However, people create new and interesting sentences all the time, whether they’re amateur writers, seasoned professionals, or hate writing altogether.
Sometimes, these new sentences appear entirely by accident. Sometimes, after someone slips the Muses a $5 bill. Don’t believe us? Well then, you’re in for a treat. Today, we’re featuring the r/BrandNewSentence subreddit, a community of nearly 1 million members, entirely dedicated to the sentence “never before written, found in the wild.” It’s a writer’s, reader’s, and language-lover’s dream subreddit.
Bored Panda reached out to Doug Murano to learn about how to write impactful sentences that jump off the page, and what mistakes new writers should avoid making. (Spoiler warning: the idea that less is more definitely still applies.) Doug is a writer, Bram Stoker Award-winning editor, and the founder of Bad Hand Books.
"A teacher of mine once told me words aren't the basic units of meaning—sentences are. So this is an important consideration," he told us. According to Doug, a lot of what makes sentences shine comes down to context and rhythm, not the "particular ingredients" of a sentence. "If you're a writer, that means vary up your sentence lengths and listen to the momentum you're creating. You can lull your reader into a groove with sentences that stretch on, describe setting, investigate a character's state of mind or follow action. Then add a punch at the end with a shorter sentence. It works."
When you’re done upvoting the most unusual and fresh sentences in this list, Bored Panda invites you to read through our first article about r/BrandNewStence. You can find it right over here. And if you can remember the most bizarre sentence you’ve ever written, dear Pandas, we’d love it if you shared it in the comment section.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Cover Your Shoulders With Knives
Vicky Zar 3 years ago
Just to clarify: even though we can, I've never seen nor heard of anyone carrying a knife to school, other than one you would use to cut your food with.
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thatmagicgaychick 3 years ago
they apparently "distract the boys" but you know, knives are perfectly fine for some reason
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MyOpinionHasBeenServed 3 years ago
My work is like that. The shortest sleeve we can wear is a cap sleeve or a stop over top. But it doesn't state if it has to be an opaque overshirt. So malicious compliance commence.
Marco Conti 3 years ago
a 3.5" knife is actually quite deadly. It's probably because stabbing someone in the heart is not easy with a 3" blade, but it sure is enough to kill somebody with a bit of artful slicing around the neck area. Naked shoulders instead give everyone huge hard-ons and some of the older dirty bastards will die of high blood pressure. Put enough of them in the same room and the shoulders can be classified as WMDs.
Writer and editor Doug told Bored Panda that in order to get a reader's attention, a sentence doesn't necessarily have to be bizarre or unusual. However, it all depends on the context.
"Opening lines for stories or essays often benefit from a little twist because they're meant to draw a reader into the world you're creating. Then again, one of the most famous sentences in the English language is 'Jesus wept,' which is short, straightforward, and not bizarre, unusual, or even that descriptive. I'll bang this drum again: if context isn't everything, it's most of it."
RELATED:
#2
Supportive Grandma
Exquisite Spam 3 years ago
Friends know where you've buried the bodies. TRUE friends helped you bury them.
Samantha Lomb 3 years ago
Someone who really loves you will help you hide the body, no questions asked
Marnie 3 years ago (edited)
When I was beaten badly by a boyfriend once and told my Dad about it, my gentle 67yo father who had never hurt a soul asked if I wanted him to go break the dude's arm. I am sure he was 100% not kidding. It was honestly touching. He was the only one of my family and friends who seemed to care about it. (except my old friend with antisocial personality disorder who was the only one concerned and talked me into going to the hospital - concussion, broken finger, and badly damaged back that required painkillers for 6 weeks).
3 years ago
While I would take her up on it, I would love to hear her life story. Must have some intersections phases.
#3
Ur Mouth Can Remember It
Orange Is Aging 3 years ago
What I do is I eat the yummy part, but not all of it, then I eat the yucky part, thennn I eat that last bit of the yummy part is a process
LeighPig 3 years ago
I thought I was the only one!! It appears we all live the same life
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Mazer 3 years ago
I met a lovely very tasteful bowl of oatmeal at the Ashland Bakery in the 1980’s. I convinced my friend to drive from Mt. Shasta in California to Ashland Oregon so I could eat another bowl. It was as delicious as I had remembered. So worth it. Now to go back to that cafe in Tiburon, California for stuffed prawns Mediterranean with Swiss chard and rice pilaf!!!
Jill Bussey 3 years ago (edited)
Save the best bit for last. My brother owes me a walnut that I was saving from my slice of cake. Not forgiven him yet.
Doug told Bored Panda that many new writers cannot grasp the idea that they should be writing less and omitting some details. "New writers often believe more is more and, as a result, they'll start doing something I call 'tap-dancing in front of a burning building.' Essentially, this means you're drawing more attention to yourself as a writer than the picture you're trying to create because you lack restraint. Let the reader fill in some of the gaps in their own minds and resist the urge to toss descriptive and figurative language in every sentence."
Founded back in the summer of 2018, r/BrandNewSentence celebrates the idea that never before seen sentences can pop up at any time, in any place. Whatever you might think of social media, you can’t deny that it’s a goldmine of awesome content if you know where to look. And the members of r/BrandNewSentence definitely know where to look.
Naturally, the subreddit is all about uniqueness, so reposts aren’t allowed. According to the mods, in order for a sentence to qualify for being posted on the sub, it has to “never been said before,” cannot be an idiom, and has to be “humorous or confusingly worded.”
#4
That'd Be Great
LuckyL 3 years ago (edited)
noooow I know. My boyfriends brother uses this one - and I never know what to make of it
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Laura Elizabeth 3 years ago
Yes. My friend and I use an otter emoji. It just means, yes, I care, but I don't know what to say right now, but I saw it and I'm not ignoring you.
#5
A Two Pound Meat Potato
Rebecca Flanagan 3 years ago
OMG! True on every account. I can "hear" my childhood pet guinea pig; is name was Weepa as in the noise he screeched day and night.
Lord Mysticlaw 3 years ago
Today they want the inside of the cucumber, tomorrow they want the outside of the cucumber. They like tomatoes one day and not the next. One day they want their carrots grated and the next day they want it sliced.
Eucritta 3 years ago
My mum and I found a pair of abandoned guinea pigs in a park when I was a child. They were huddled back-to-back, and screamed bloody murder but didn't run when a dog at the park approached. We were impressed, though in retrospect we mistook desperation for bravery. The dog was called off & then my mum was able to scoop them into her market bag. They were with us for a couple weeks before we found a home for them, and they spent it quietly eating & sleeping & pooping.
Liv 3 years ago
That's a nice story. Poor meat potatoes, they wouldn't be able to survive outside if you hadn't saved them. Thank you!
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Laura Mende (Human) 3 years ago
And the "popcorning" they do is so cute! Once my Guinea pig, Spotty, bit my best friend right in the nose. Was a funny place to put band aid on... 🤣🤣🤣
Karis Ravenhill 3 years ago
Guinea Pigs and Chihuahua's share one important job: portable food. I thought that was a joke until I found out it's a fact. Chihuahua's were not bred for cuteness, they were bred as a snack. A super irritating snack. Guinea Pigs just happened to already be portable snacks.
Catlady6000 3 years ago
That does explain the chihuahua's temperament, though. I'd be a little testy too if I knew I was just someone's yumyum.
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What If I'm That One?
Katie Lutesinger 3 years ago
I was on my way to the pub and I found a street sign that had fallen off its post and thought it would look cool in my window at home, so I stuffed it in my bag with at least half of it poking out and spent the next couple of hours at the pub drinking with this thing sitting next to me on the bench. Just as I was leaving some guy sneaked up behind me and snapped a picture of the girl carrying a huge street sign around in her tiny backpack, and I just KNOW it ended up on Facebook. (I've still got the sign).
lenka 3 years ago
We hosted a 70s party and, by agreement with the local second hand store borrowed a whole bunch of furniture and accessories to convert the house to totally 70s decor. We turned up with a horse float and a trailer to transport everything. 18 months later a new colleague at my husband's work was telling him a story he heard through someone's cousins, sister's friend about some weirdos who turned up at a second hand store with a with a horse float and refurnished their whole house in 70s decor for a single night. lol.
Elizabeth Molloy 3 years ago
I *AM* the neighbourhood Cat Lady. I always stop to talk to and (hopefully) get a wee snuggle from any cat I see. I didn't realise that everyone had seen me!
DennyS (denzoren) 3 years ago
That's really cool though, that they instantly knew it was tree girl.
Upstaged75 3 years ago (edited)
I graduated from high school in the early 90's. About 10 years ago I was browsing a message board from my school and people were talking about the infamous Spanish teacher from that time, who was well known for doing weird/crazy things. Then someone says "hey remember the time he threw that poor Freshman's books out the window?". Well, I was that Freshman. :) I seriously can't believe anyone remembered it! The teacher caught me doing math homework during his class and proceeded to take my textbook and notebook and toss them out the 2nd floor window. The whole class just sat there with our jaws on the floor but he continued teaching like nothing had happened. LOL! He did a lot of weird things but AFAIK I'm the only kid he ever did that to. (I should note that I was a good student and he did like me, but he didn't tolerate goofing around in class)
Let’s All Just Try And Be Decent 3 years ago
things at the cashiers head, including (very heavy) tins of custard that are stacked up by the exit. Then he says he's leaving but he's coming back and we’ll all be sorry. I stayed and helped them calm down and called the police, waited till they came etc. We didn't actually know each other at the time, and, face masks, so next time I saw them it took a minute for them to place me.... Then I got, “hey! you’re the custard assault police bringing friend girl!” or something along those lines. It didn’t make much sense but it did make me proud to have such a title :)
Let’s All Just Try And Be Decent 3 years ago
This happened to me.... I was in a small grocery shop around closing time, about to pay, chatting to the 2 members of staff. A random guy customer looking really shifty with his hands inside a massive coat tried to get past us to get out the shop. The cashier politely asked, "did you not need anything in the end?" . This sends shifty guy into a fit claiming they're telling him he's stealing, they say it's just what they say to everyone, he kicks off. First with the verbal abuse, then starts using racial slurs about the cashier, starts threatening to punch us all, strutting around, starts throwing (heavy)
Alex Luiz 3 years ago
Started a job events waiting (serving, in US). New colleague told me how much fun it was catering the university end of year sports prom because you got to see people being morons, 'Like last year, I saw this couple snogging on a folding chair. It collapsed in slow motion and they both kind of sank on to the floor.' Guess who?
The subreddit’s moderators suggest that people check the uniqueness of a sentence by searching for it on Google (don’t forget the double quotation marks to look for exact quotes) before posting anything.
“If the results produced are many and have various apparition dates, it is most likely that the sentence is brand new. If there are many results, but all on the same day, the sentence is likely new (and therefore qualifies for this sub) but has become popular (which is OK),” they explain.
#7
Individually Assigned Rodent Friend
troufaki13 3 years ago
Maybe each rodent has special skills like Ratatouille and is seeking its human so they can work together
Vorknkx 3 years ago
"What kind of rat did you get?" - "A carpenter. I was kinda hoping it would be a gourmet chef like in that Pixar movie..."
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Mazer 3 years ago
I saw that documentary. What sticks in my head is what they learned about feral cats and how the cats won’t mess with the rats, the rats in NYC are so bad ass that the cats are all a solid NO
Yoga Kitty 3 years ago
Most cats will stay clear of feral rats if they are not feeling especially adventurous (or really hungry) that day. They are not exactly an easy prey to tackle. I saw an amusing YouTube video some time a go where a young cat tried to check out a rat in the streets. The rat clearly disapproved and chased the poor kitty around the block...
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Ragnhild Nilsen 3 years ago
I'm quite sure that there are more rats than people. It normally is in cities. Fun fact: You are rarely more than 6 meters/20 feet from a rodent.
#8
“Trick Or Treatment?”
2022emmam trent 3 years ago
And now all I can imagine is some people dressed up coming to someone's door and yelling, "Trick or treatment!" grabbing the person who answered the door and smuggling them off
#9
41,460 Tacos Is A Lot…
François Carré 3 years ago
"Think before you ink", you'd rather say that to HP P*ussyjet V5000.
Previously, Bored Panda spoke to Dr. Lisa McLendon, from the University of Kansas, about keeping our English skills sharp and our grammar game up to par. According to her, there are some pitfalls that non-native speakers tend to fall into when learning English.
“For students whose native language lacks articles (a, an, the), articles are by far the hardest category of words to master. Verb tense/aspect is also really hard—the difference between ‘I read,’ ‘I am reading,’ and ‘I do read’ is nonexistent in many other languages,” Lisa told us. However, native speakers deal with their own linguistic challenges.
#10
Beer Angel
KJ 3 years ago
When your smashing tiny projectiles around at high speed is a great time to have a beer.
King Joffrey 3 years ago
It's the only way to get through the boredom of playing golf.
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Megan Pippenger 3 years ago
"I'm sorry sir, but neither my name, job title, or job description include the phrases, 'booze chick', 'hot girl with the beer', 'sweetcheeks', 'baby, sweetie, etc', or 'beer bitch'. If you would like to summon me you can either use my actual name, or ask for the Beer Cart Attendant, the Beer Angel, or 'Vanessa, Goddess of Hops and Barley'. Any disrespect will invoke the Hops Goddess's wrath, and may result in your beer being thrown at your head."
Karis Ravenhill 3 years ago
You, i like you. Your gumption and take no shi* attitude. I bet if someone calls you one of those crap names, you smile, pull out a beer, open it, then pour it on the ground right in front of him, and flick the empty can in his golf bag. You rock. Keep it up.
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Nathan Pogorzala 3 years ago (edited)
It is not hard to be nice. why people go out of their way to be d***s is hard to understand.
Gabrielle Daylano 3 years ago
When I was pregnant I was walking the dog with my sister. We came across this man on a bike. This man looked like the type of man that would go pssst pssst girl. He even had a beer in his one hand and a joint in his other hand. He saw us, I thought oh boy here we go. Then he said: that belly is really beautiful on you. And for a moment this drunk hippie made feel really good about myself.
HarriMissesScotland 3 years ago
Skydive City warns all jumpers to avoid landing on the golf course next to the actual landing zone. Bad golfers abound and have hit skydivers. They needed you afterwards, and an ambulance.
#11
Stop Judging Yourself For Not Being A Hive Insect
ThatOneWriter 3 years ago
I know this is supposed to be a thread on weird sentences but this is also REALLY GOOD advice.
jimmy pop 3 years ago
Shouldn't even be considered a weird sentence in the first place.
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Ray Martin 3 years ago
I really like this, especially since it vindicates my life for the past four years.
3 years ago
Too much work. You'll have to climb down the tree once a week to defecate. I aspire to be a manatee. Floating around, munching munchies and still having a real chance at sex.
Load More Replies... tuzdayschild 3 years ago
If everyone would take this advice I am pretty sure, that with a little effort, I could be rich while everyone is laying around producing nothing. Who am I kidding. I would laying right beside you.
Lynn Morello 3 years ago
But being a predator, I shouldn't be as round and as heavy as I am. Not fat, Fluffy.
#12
Exclusively By
hope.XXVI_ 3 years ago
start every email like this. no one will be able to respond. they will all be in shock and awe of your sheer power.
Laura Mende (Human) 3 years ago
Oh a Classic... But really, my elderly mother does this, not index finger, middle finger!
Axolotl King 3 years ago
Ok, this is funny but in all seriousness I do type with my middle finger sometimes while my pointer finger is wrapped around it like a pencil
Karis Ravenhill 3 years ago (edited)
Beginning like that makes me want to read every letter of this email, even if it's Jon Lovitz' grocery list, it's worth it.
In her experience as an editor, as well as a teacher, Lisa noticed that native speakers have a lot of trouble with past passive participles in speech (for example. saying ‘I had went’). When it comes to writing, they find punctuation, homophones (for instance, peek vs. peak), and misplaced modifiers challenging.
“Read! Read widely and frequently. Read magazines, newspapers, novels, even cereal boxes. But be careful when scrolling through social media, which although it can give you a good idea of current slang and shorthand, is often not a great model of clarity, accuracy, or good grammar,” the professor gave advice for anyone wanting to improve.
#13
I Believe It
Dave van Es 3 years ago
We're stuck in a time loop. It started in 2020. The yeaf after that, twenty twenty won. and this year it's twenty twenty too
Buren 3 years ago
At that theory, prepare yourself with the appearance of Brontosaurus this year
cybermerlin2000 3 years ago
The murder hornets were attacking bees so I suspect that bees have the cure to all strains of covid
Hannah Edwards 3 years ago
The murder hornets were still there, it’s just that no one went outside for a year.
Rei 3 years ago
Wow, that makes a lot of sense! But what did they screw up so that Covid came into existence? 🤔
My O My 3 years ago
The murder hornets used to sting bats. Only bats infected with covid would die due to a complication with the venom applied by the sting. No muder hornets = bats with covid survive= covid everywhere
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Linda Ellis 3 years ago
The Mayan Calendar ended just about the same time this all started up. Maybe we're in hell.
DennyS (denzoren) 3 years ago
Murder hornets existed for like a month and them poof....gone. I really would like to thank future person for saving us....I hate hornets.
#14
Time Pillow And Duvet Of Truth
#15
I'm At A 70s Themed Cat Funeral
Catherine Binder 3 years ago
I think I saw this on a sitcom in the past, or maybe the future...
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Buren 3 years ago
True story: colleague invited us for Christmas BBQ, everything went okay. Only few days after I found out that another colleague saw that she had her cat in the freezer. Apparently it had just died a couple of days earlier and she wanted her boyfriend (who was away at that time) to meet the cat before burial.
𝙸'𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚘𝚋!(new account) 3 years ago
They couldn't put it in a separate cooler or something??Jesus!😭
Load More Replies... Auntriarch 3 years ago
I have just coughed coffee all over my phone and I'm really glad I've not long ago had a wee
Megan Pippenger 3 years ago
In fairness, I do know someone who had to keep their beloved cat in a freezer after she died for a while because they couldn't afford to have her cremated and couldn't bury her where they were living. It was the best way to preserve the poor kitty until she could be properly cremated. Still, four years is kind of a long time.
According to her, if we rely too much on spell-check and autocorrect, we can end up turning off our critical thinking skills. In short, we can forget how to think and write.
“Because spell-check and autocorrect are everywhere, what seems to be the biggest problem is words that are spelled correctly but aren’t the right word, like ‘form’ instead of ‘from,’ ‘it’s’ instead of ‘its,’ or ‘defiantly’ instead of ‘definitely.’”
#16
The Ratio Of Dog To Boy
PenitentEyeball 3 years ago
I try and I try, but still people won’t use “they”, like come on, it’s perfect in situations like these, and much less cumbersome!
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Carrie Laughs 3 years ago
Child could be 2 or 3 and look younger. Man could be 18 or 19 and look older (my brother was very physically mature at 16 and looked in his 20s) and one of the oldest recorded dogs was about 29. So it's not impossible though I agree it does look surprising.
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Tapio Magnussen 3 years ago (edited)
If I'm not wrong, that dog may be too old to be held like that...
#17
Or A Self-Checkout Machine
Robert A Reider Jr 3 years ago
Their first album dropped in 1991. It was most definitely a fax machine.
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Tom Spade 3 years ago
I would have guessed vending machine, but printer, yeah. I can see it. Printer says "f**k you I won't do what you tell me"...
Sweetie Cake 3 years ago
killing in the name is one of the best songs ever
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#18
Brand New Sentence And I Don’t Think My Mans Took One Breath
Doob 3 years ago
Oh did you know Teslas dont have a new car smell? Instead, they have a Elon Musk
Joe Reaves 3 years ago
I might forget that, but I don't forget that he called one of the people involved in the rescue of the kids stuck in a cave a paedophile because they pointed out that his idea to use a submarine wasn't possible because the passageway was too small.
13 3 years ago
Or that he threatened to fire factory workers at the beginning of the pandemic.
Load More Replies... Karis Ravenhill 3 years ago
My instinct about Musk has always been a gut reaction that if I was sitting at a bar and he took a seat near me, i'd have to get up and take a seat further down the bar. I don't get the crazy Saville creeper vibe from him, it's just another weird vibe that says "stay away, this is more than just sticky".
SAF saf 3 years ago
It's fascinating how narcissist's are drawn to this man. The guy is simply a smart con man and I give it till the end of this decade before his mouth and impulsive actions cost him his credibility. You really think he's ever going to deliver a street legal Tesla Cyber truck? I can barely fine a Toyota TRD Pro on a dealer lot now.
Elaine Dodge 3 years ago (edited)
You 'forgot ' it because it isn't true, Michael Harriot. Do your home work: https://www.thesouthafrican.com/lifestyle/elon-musk-net-worth-errol-musk-emerald-mine-scandal-tesla-space-x/
The professor also suggests having someone look over your work in order to find any mistakes that you might have left behind.
“When you’ve written something, your brain already knows what you’re thinking and what you meant to say, even if you didn’t actually say it. So when you read your own writing, you unconsciously fill in missing words, skip over typos, fail to see ambiguity, etc. Another person, someone who sees only what’s on the page and not what’s in your head, can help you spot mistakes and improve your writing. This is especially important if you are carving something in stone or getting a tattoo with words in it.”
#19
Have Fun Moving To Kansas You Tiny Idiot
Lauren Caswell 3 years ago (edited)
A moth flew into my freezer last night when I opened the door, I got him out within 5-8 seconds but he was still and on his back. Put my fingertip gently on his legs and to his body, finger felt cold suddenly, moth woke up and flew away. TLDR: moth tried out cryogenics in my freezer, he was successful 😃
Squawkleo 3 years ago (edited)
When I was 17 my mum and were crossing the border between France and Germany when we noticed we had a grasshopper in the car with us. We stopped in the last rest area in France to let him out because we were worried that he'd not be able to understand German if we imported him.
Hannah Edwards 3 years ago
I still think about that ant that moved from Devon with us after a holiday.
Ines Olabarria-Smith 3 years ago
A huge spider moved from a beautiful mountain town to a big city four hours away. Poor thing.
bumble bee 3 years ago
I was driving down the highway to work and while stopped for a traffic jam, a little hitchhiker, mouse, popped up from under my hood. Little guy managed to stay safe for the rest of the ride, and is now living in another state where I work
#20
Hönkhalt
Oopsydaisy 3 years ago
They weren't angry before they got shoved in a bag
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John Dilligaf 3 years ago
who is the brave fool who volunteered to put angry swans in Ikea bags?
Mazer 3 years ago (edited)
Multi use bag, I like it. What if those are mute swans tho. No honkin
KombatBunni 3 years ago
That’s what got me, from now on I’m calling it my honkhalt bag
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#21
I Am Watering The Pianos
Daniel (ShadowDrakken) 3 years ago
How many pianos do they have that they need a dedicated person for this? o_O
Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago
Hey, while you're at that University? Learn to use proper grammar, spelling & punctuation.
I'mNotARoboat 3 years ago (edited)
"Hey, while you're at that University? Learn to use proper grammar, spelling & punctuation." Should be written thusly: "Hey! While you're at that university, learn to use proper grammar, spelling, and punctuation."
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Jolie McCleave 3 years ago
My mom waters her piano... it's over 100 years old and we live in a super dry climate .... I am just here going 'well duh... of COURSE this is a thing!'
#22
Poor Syntax Error
Serial pacifist 3 years ago
X Æ A-12 is going to become 2 x X Æ A-6 and thus the custody will be evenly distributed.
Martha Meyer 3 years ago
That poor kid, they can apparently not even agree on how to pronounce that atrocity of a name. He'd probably be better off getting adopted by normal people.
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Johnny Døpe 3 years ago
404 error will be fine , just a few upgrades in the usage manual will fix the lag
Vortex Lazer 3 years ago
Why in the world would someone name their kid 'X Æ A-Xii'? Where did the naming scheme come from?
Artsy Bookworm 3 years ago
Look up their child's name. That kid is going to want to change his name the moment he can think straight.
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#23
Cleetus Had Been Up For 3 Days Drinking Paint Tinner
Ripley 3 years ago
"Most folk'll never lose a toe, but then again some folk'll, like Cletus the Slack Jawed Yokell" Oh Simpsons, you have given us so much.
Nathan Pogorzala 3 years ago
Some Folk'll never eat a skunk, but then again some folk'll, like Cleetus the Slack Jawed Yokel.
Jessica Gunn 3 years ago
Hmm, that's so weird, an hour ago I read the exact same comment here.....that's so weird...(s)
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Charlie Taube 3 years ago
No I think Cleetus is dying of liver failure and it’s just hallucinating
#24
Eat, Pray, Stab
third molar 3 years ago
Beer made everyone drunk n they stabbed each other. So they invented donut to make everyone happy and forget all worries!!! (Searching google for 24/7 donut shops)
Jo Iverson 3 years ago
Most animals get drunk on fermented fruit. Not like we invented getting your drink on.
#25
Hp P*ssyjet V5000
Alicia M 3 years ago
It's sad that the older kids in these extremely large families are burdened with caring for the younger children and a lot of housework b/c the parents can't possibly do it all by themselves. I think this is selfish.
Stephanie A Mutti 3 years ago
Unless you work a family farm or are running a cult, there is no reason for that many children.
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Dorothy Parker 3 years ago
The parents may or may not be able to afford to give them a goof life. The planet, however, cannot.
Oopsydaisy 3 years ago
Oh my, yes. He must have jumped back in the saddle very quickly.
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Rose the Cook 3 years ago
A hundred and fifty years ago people, including my own ancestors, had a lot of children because it was expected some would die young and they did. With modern medicine parents no longer need ten children to ensure they have help run the farm.
M M 3 years ago
exactly. I have an ancestor who had 17 children with 3 wives (not at the same time) and 5 of them lived to be adults. It was normal to have so many children but the standard coffin size was children's size. In the old books of deaths, there are 2 pages of dead children for one adult. With modern natal care, vaccines and medications comes the obligation to only produce so many children that you personaly can afford.
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Pittsburgh rare 3 years ago
Tell me you're a fanatic religious without telling me you're a fanatic religious
TheDivineMsM 3 years ago
That means the last baby was conceived while they had a 1 or 2 month old at home. Yikes! Take some time to heal your body and rest for crying out loud!!
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#26
Lies And December
Monday 3 years ago
And that is why he gets an A despite the fact he's spouting bullshit....it's beautiful, poetic bullshit.
Printerman 3 years ago
I taught English and Creative Writing, and TBH: I used to give good grades to people even if I knew they were writing BS for the express reason that it was well-written, creative BS. It kept me entertained and I can't TELL you how important that was after reading 5 of the same essay in a row just using different words.
Load More Replies... LisaMarie 3 years ago (edited)
"You kneel before my throne unaware that it was born of lies" 😂 I feel the need to cross stitch this 😁
Joe Reaves 3 years ago
For a lot of careers he's probably learnt a far more important skill than just reading the book and writing about it.
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Potato 3 years ago
One time my professor announced to the class that grading would be delayed to investigate a potential plagiarism because it was “too well written” (an odd detail to share, but she was an odd teacher). All the students were super curious about who it was so we were all flashing our grades when we got them in class. Everyone got a C. Everyone was super confused. I've thought a lot about this, and I think it was me. I was so bad at essays that I took additional study sessions to improve, so when the teacher said “too well written” I think she just meant in comparison to my past work (which is really disappointing and not a great attitude for a teacher). The moral of the story is: if you're terrible at writing, don't improve too quickly or people will think you're stealing other people's work. You have to at least go into hiding for a year and then emerge like you made a deal at the Crossroads.
Katchen 3 years ago
Now I have the song Crossroads in my head. Great reference.
Load More Replies... Megan Pippenger 3 years ago
To this day I am still mad about a girl in my 7th grade reading class trying to bs her book report. She did hers on "Ella Enchanted", and this was right around the time the Anne Hathaway Ella Enchanted movie came out, and several weeks earlier in class we'd done some reading magazine exercise involving looking at scenes from the movie in a modified script format, including a spoilery scene from the ending. I ended up reading the book on my own, so I knew that among other things, the movie changed the ending, so the scene we'd read in class had been completely different in the book. Well come time for this girl's report, she's staying true to the book for about half of it, then gets towards the end, where we had the choice whether or not to spoil our book's ending, she starts telling the movie version and movie ending. I don't think the teacher ever figured out she cheated but to this day, 18 years later, I'm still mad I didn't rat her out. She was such a snob. And..
Megan Pippenger 3 years ago
And she read most of the book, she couldn't finish it? It was not a long or difficult book. And she'd read enough of the book to know that they made some pretty big changes between the book and the movie, so it also didn't even occur to her to at least check to make sure the book and movie had the same ending? Like, the internet wasn't what it is today, but we did have Sparknotes in 2004. Just the laziness. And the stupidity. It's like lesson one of BSing a book report is that you don't write it on the movie because movies make too many changes and someone will notice.Ugh.
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Patti Vance 3 years ago
this was me in college. not that i didn't read assigned items but that i was constantly being hit for not meeting the assigned length of a paper. enter the tactic of 'set theme in first paragraph; bullshite to assigned length; end with conclusion'. as long as the bs made sense it resulted in high marked papers.
Robert Robi Z 3 years ago
I never read 'Crime and Punishment' in school (home reading) and yet I got an A+ and the teacher almost had an or**sm listening to my speech on the book. As soon as the discussion began I knew what she wanted to hear and improvised.
#27
Fax-Sending Samurai
Serial pacifist 3 years ago
Robert. E. Lee. Is. An. A*hole. Racist. Send. Him. To. Japan. The reply: Will. Do. Send. Sushi.
Falcon 3 years ago
I never knew that fax machines were that old. Explains why some people still use it to this day.
Carrie Laughs 3 years ago
How does something being old explain why it's still in use? Not that I've seen a fax machine in use in over a decade but it's more likely to be a lack of funds or other reasons for not updating technology rather than 'we've had it since 1843 so I'm still going to use it'.
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Aaron Calloway 3 years ago
actually the first telegraph line in japan, running between tokyo and yokohama was completed in 1869 and the first line running across an ocean was the transatlantic line which ran from Trinity Bay Newfoundland to Valentia, Ireland and was completed in 1858 so there would have been a 9 year window that a samurai in Ireland could have sent a fax to North America
Billy Maguire 3 years ago
Not so! the only foreigners in Ireland back then were the Irish.
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#28
Raptor
Elle Malkamäki 3 years ago
That’s what they need to name the surprise dinosaur tampons!
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Scagsy 3 years ago
David Attenborough: 'And here, we can observe the occasional appearance of the magnificent Vaginaraptor which can only be seen once a month. Venturing into the wilderness to seek wine, chocolate and a fluffy hot water bottle, before returning from whence she came. Note that the males all shy away from this creature and forego all attempts at communication for fear of literally having their head bitten off. And there she goes until next month.'
Karin Jansen 3 years ago
"After your period". Ehm.. We use more than one tampon per period my dude. We'll have all the dinosaurs collected in a month :)
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Marie Lane 3 years ago
Vagina Raptors has just become my new go-to pub quiz team name. Thank you.
#29
Stay Hydrated!
Karis Ravenhill 3 years ago
Shall we have a 'Whine & Cheese' session? Being serious.
Load More Replies... Karis Ravenhill 3 years ago
For how offensive and dark our Scottish humor can be, the oceans of truth in it are what always completely fuc* up my day. 5mins of Daniel Sloss talking about something serious is like 6months of psychotherapy hitting you like a freight train.
#30
Frenchman's Sock
C. Wade 3 years ago
Yeah I'm pretty sh*t at chess but no one can touch my Frenchman's cumsock game.
Troux 3 years ago
Does anyone *want* to touch your Frenchman's cumsock game?
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cybermerlin2000 3 years ago
Never confuse the frenchmans cumsock with the cheesy bell end gambit
Janos Schumacher 3 years ago
I used to love walking up behind kids in HS and say "Black has mate in 4" and then walking away. I suck at chess. I've played thousands of games and only won one that I'm proud of, but I enjoy pretending like I'm not a fool.
#31
Ur Not Better Than A Stegosaurus
ThEboRedEsTpANdA 3 years ago
"Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the universe" ─ Albert Einstien
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Emma Crompton 3 years ago
No matter how big the brain, everyone is at the mercy of nature. Science and technology have done wonders but a mega earthquake could easily take down cities and their inhabitants
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Michael Olsen 3 years ago
Fun fact Less time separates us from Tyrannosaurus rex than separated T. rex from Stegosaurus
tuzdayschild 3 years ago
I am so much better than a stegosaurus. Though I readily concede that I am not worth a Triceratop's dust.
#32
Illegal Occupation Of November
Demi Zwaan 3 years ago
Same for Easter. The chocolate eggs and rabbits arrived at our grocery last week. IT'S THREE MONTHS AWAY! GET THOSE CHOCOLATE ABOMINATIONS OUT OF MY FACE!!
Carole Petricek 3 years ago
And please try to keep Valentine's Day confined to February. We're all still trying to get our heads around the nonstop Hallow-Giving-Mass holdiay..leave the sappy cards and hearts for their own month....
#33
Imagine Being Abducted By Aliens And They Give You A Gucci Belt
Serial pacifist 3 years ago
We come in peace bearing gifts. Choose wisely or perish into distastefulness.
#34
Anybody?
Katie Lutesinger 3 years ago
"Ugh, when he gets drunk he starts going on about the evils of segregation. SO EMBARRASSING!"
Claire Bee 3 years ago
"Ugh it's so annoying when he points out my white supremacy. Just pass the gravy, Kevin."
bob bruce 3 years ago
I guarantee that nobody with a clue points out his [anything] supremacy.
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Marco Hub-Dub 3 years ago (edited)
I gave on older man (70’s) camped out on a bus bench by a park with his meager belongings, a coat and a blanket at the protest of the man “born to parents shortly after the end of WWII” whom owned the home across the street from said bench. It was 34°, which is very cold for California. The cantankerous old homeowner called me a “pinko, commie, queer-loving, libtard snowflake” all in one breath. He used every supposed insult he could muster. So, they’re also code for “kind” and “generous.”
Who Panda 420 3 years ago
You mean boomer? I didn't think it was "kind" to lable everyone with the same brush. Yes u were nice and he was a jerk. Had nothing to do with when he was born
Load More Replies... Susan Williams 3 years ago
I asked my kids grandfather to stop throwing around the N word. He was brought up in OK and was not aware of it being such an insult. He respected my request and never said it again....ever.
#35
Lower Case T's Started Hurting
Rebecca Flanagan 3 years ago
It took me a bit — and I'm not sure I'm 💯 — to figure out something about a cross repelling vampires just as other religious bits such as holy water. Crosses were used to torture/kill, but it was Jesus' s persecution on the cross, and subsequent resurrection, that turned the cross into a religious symbol.
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Giulia Fortunati 3 years ago
In "I am legend", they talk about this: jewish vampires are scared of the Torah. But I'm wondering if atheist vampires are immune to this!
Dorothy Parker 3 years ago
And just now, under my breath so as to not wake my husband I muttered Jesus. And I'm Jewish.
CultOfBambi 3 years ago
Here's something I've always wondered... If vampires were real and Jesus actually was the son of 'God', and a vampire bit Jesus and drank his blood, would that make Jesus a vampire (instead of a zombie that rose from the grave after 3 days) -or would the fact that the vampire drank the blood of Christ mean he/she was 'saved' and become human again? Or both?
Randolph Croft 3 years ago
One of the reasons there's a little curve at the bottom of most lower-case letter-t's is because there's a footnote called 'dagger' => † they're trying NOT to confuse it with.
#36
Coping Mechanism Police
#37
Blaise
Lauren Caswell 3 years ago (edited)
If she doesn't like getting shocks, she should skip Lt. Surge. She will end up Brock-en hearted
Kay blue 3 years ago
My uncle has been married twice, both women have the same name. It makes things a lot less confusing
Thomas Sweda 3 years ago
Check out the first names of Johnny Carson’s three ex-wives.( He didn’t want to pop for new towels.)
#38
"I Guess God Does Hair"
Mazer 3 years ago
I saw an older woman walking out of a medical office building with a t-shirt emblazoned with the words “I don’t believe in science” I’m pretty sure she was not delivering packages.
TheDivineMsM 3 years ago
At least the idiots identify themselves so it's easier to know who to stay away from.
Julia Atkinson 3 years ago
PLEASE can we exile these idiots to the underside of the flat earth?
Wednesday 3 years ago
well, she should have been walking around naked... because... that's how god made her... Actually her parents f*****g is what made her and god washed his hands of us literally on his "day of rest" right after he declared we have free will and similar godlike abilities to create. so either way she's full of s**t.
#39
Lip Guitar
Clipps / Xaften 3 years ago
ASEXUALS UNITE! Pancakes are better than kissing
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Artist FKA Ramsey 3 years ago
What a hero, is what he wishes everyone would collectively say. Yes, it okay to be who you want and what you were born as. Do we all have to fall all over ourselves because an obvious statement was made? Congratulations, you are a person. I'll roll out the red carpet now.
#40
"Releasing A Roomba Into The Greek Forums"
Angelar 3 years ago
The ancient Greeks would not be spooked at all. Greek mythology is full of robots, AI, and GPS.
Eb 3 years ago
In the UK last week a roomba escaped. They eventually found it outside hiding under a hedge. Bit concerning.
Who Panda 420 3 years ago
Saw that. Someone said they hoped it was ok out there as nature abhors a vacuum 😂
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Thomas Turnbull 3 years ago
Just remember you will only have one charge so impress them before the battery runs out.
#41
Missed An Opportunity There
Alicia M 3 years ago
Imagine having gonorrhea and diarrhea at the same time. There's absolutely no place in your nether regions that doesn't hurt.
Auntriarch 3 years ago
I worked for a chap called Dyer, who answered his phone with "Dyer here"
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gma 3 years ago
as a county worker in welfare I had a client who named her child Gonorrhea (she pronounced it Gon or eah.
Kiwii Stone 3 years ago
Can you imagine if someone got that muddled up? Blonde at the pharmacy: Hi, can I get gonorrhea here? I'm quite desperate!
#42
Wondering When That Point Comes
Rebecca Flanagan 3 years ago
I should not be laughing so hard. As a Catholic, I can see this conversation occuring during a marriage preparation course.
Raven DeathShade 3 years ago
As a Catholic myself, I am a tad concerned. BeFoRe mArRiAgE?!
Load More Replies... Bettie-Jean Neal 3 years ago
Not sure why anyone would be looking at someone else's or why one would look at their own.
Catlady6000 3 years ago
In all seriousness, it a good idea to grab a hand mirror and examine as much of yourself as possible on a regular basis. It's how I found a pre-cancerous tumor on my perineum when I was 25. Looked kind of like a black zit, no pain, not much redness. I've done an all body check about once a month ever since.
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#43
The Pomegranate Trials
Diana Buckland 3 years ago
As a person with ADHD, depending on where you're at the pomegranate can be your greatest delight or worst nightmare...you know what I'm talking about...
Mazer 3 years ago
Ancient secret to slaying a pomegranate is to do it in a large bowl of water…
Load More Replies... Oopsydaisy 3 years ago
Price of pomegranates in my greengrocer today, I'm not going to be doing any trials soon.
Al Christensen 3 years ago
My first real life encounter with a pomegranate was when my college girlfriend brought one as a snack to a football game.
#44
Never Heard That One Before. Am I Wrong?
C. Wade 3 years ago
F*ck yeah. Reddit, where posting content is just an excuse to create comments like this. I swear it's 25% the content and 75% the comments for me lol
Rijkærd 3 years ago
More like 1% content and 99% comments. The comments are crazier.
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#45
Rhombus Of Doubt
Bexxxxx 3 years ago
Or you’re in my oblique truncated circular cone of indifference
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Arctic Fox Lover 3 years ago
Right now, everyone I know is in my dodecagon of loathe. Half of them are also in my googolgon of disgust
#46
I'm Going To Eat Rocks To Find The Good Ones
DUN DUN (she/her) 3 years ago
Imagine walking on a sunny morning, and stumbling across a person, neatly dressed, hair combed, looking well, picking up rocks, putting them in their mouth and spitting them out, and saying "Nah, Again nothing!" and moving on. I'm looking forward to such a day!
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Kanuli 3 years ago
There are tastes of a bunch of chemical compositions already recorded. Some are lethal in small doses, so we should be grateful to whoever sacrificed himself to give us these descriptions even.
XenoMurph 3 years ago
We should be grateful to their neighbours who wrote it down. "Dave ate bananas and arsenic today. Guessing it was the arsenic that killed him."
Load More Replies... Who Panda 420 3 years ago
I saw an article about an island where you can eat the sand. And some places that use special rocks for seasoning
Sill Marien 3 years ago
as someone who once attended geology lab classes I can assure you there are no other tasty ones :D
#47
Owning An Old Home
BigOrangeTractor 3 years ago
No, old is good, you just need to go older. Our place was built in the 1700s (possibly earlier, nobody's sure) and we were concerned about the ability of the attic beams to carry the workman's weight when he went up there to install loft insulation. When he came down he told us we had no problem there, they were about a foot square... Old can be gooooood.
Jace 3 years ago
It’s not old that’s the problem. It’s the assholes who modified the original work.
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Furious George 3 years ago
I feel this so hard. I went to change a light fixture in my last house and when I took the old one out it was literally covering a 1'x1' hole in the ceiling with a loose wire hanging. I hope the new owner is enjoying the 1'x1' hole + loose wire that now also has a bracing board.
Jace 3 years ago
I removed the drop ceiling in my shittastic house and found an open junction box that literally had current running in it. It shocked me when I touched it. There was nothing in it. The light fixture was illegally wired and hanging freely below it. Apparently the box was nailed into a still very much in-use wire in the original ceiling and they just left it. I wish that was the only insane and illegal s**t I found here... HATE this place.
Two_rolling_black_eyes 3 years ago (edited)
The number one rule of remodeling is to complain about the shoddy job the last guy did. It doesn't matter what is being redone. A plastic surgeon will complain "I can't believe they used Disney band-aids instead of Pokemon".
Friend Kelli 3 years ago
That's our childhood house now. My dad's in his 80s and did everything himself 😂 It'll be a teardown
Nikki Sevven 3 years ago
My house was built in 1957, and the prior owner was an idiot, lazy, and a cheapskate. To wit, there is no insulation in the exterior walls...and the house is in New England. Under the kitchen sink, this enterprising moron used an ancient vacuum cleaner wand as a plumbing pipe. He painted over all the outlet and light switch covers rather than remove them. My small deck was not built with decking screws, but with nails...which are not galvanized and, therefore, rusted. Instead of buying or making staircase stringers, he used a cheap board and a bunch of triangles cut from scrap. The bathroom floor has no underlayment; he cemented it directly to the plywood.
bob bruce 3 years ago
If you think that guy's an idiot just imagine the person that bought the place.
Load More Replies... Tamra Stiffler 3 years ago
Part of the "plumbing" we found in our old house was a length of garden hose.
#48
Grape On Endangered Species List
cybermerlin2000 3 years ago
Hhahahahaaaaa! Wine! Oh my god! Do you want a straw with that soft drink?
De Gueb 3 years ago
I'm English, I've drank with Brits and drank with Americans. With the Brits I woke up in the hotel to the phone ringing, "come down to the pool, it's your round" The Americans organised an intervention for me.
AndThenICommented 3 years ago
You def hung out with the wrong Americans 😂 although my Irish in laws put me to shame (and I’m in my 30’s!)
Load More Replies... Hannah Edwards 3 years ago
I see your Brunch Babes and I raise you a Bank Holiday weekend in Nottingham city centre.
Fat Harry 3 years ago
Now that would be a proper contest. The Ashes of drinking.
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Natalie Bohrteller 3 years ago
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_alcohol_consumption_per_capita Moldova wins. End of fight. 😜
De Gueb 3 years ago
That doesn't mean they can hold their liqueur. I know many eastern Europeans, Polish, Russians etc and they are very bad drinkers, they don't have a good time, they just get paralytic and/or get aggressive. My mate is married to a Russian girl and she is terrible when she drinks, get abusive and nasty for about 20 min than passes out. I've been to a few of their parties when a load of them get together to celebrate something and they drink straight Vodka with a glass of orange juice on the side to start, a hour later they are drink straight warm vodka. It doesn’t take long for arguments to start people start getting offensive. Not fun.
Load More Replies... Libstak 3 years ago
Of course, nobody would be foolish enough to challenge an Aussie to such a thing. Some things are just not winnable guys.
Jiminy 3 years ago (edited)
Aussies drink less than Brits. (Pure alcohol per capita per year in liters: Brits 11.4, Aussies 10.6, US 9.8)
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#49
"They Know So Much About Loafers It Ruined Their Life"
Loty 3 years ago
Oh, the girlfriend has NO idea. I'm a proud member of 250,000 strong planted aquarium community on reddit mostly discussing different types of algae and micro-dosing. Daily. I don't even own an aquarium anymore.
Potato 3 years ago
If I ever need to research something, I go straight to Reddit. If someone tries to post some BS, there will be a minimum of 500 commenters calling them out and explaining why they are wrong. I love it.
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#50
Ska In A Nutshell
XenoMurph 3 years ago
Halloumi fries, and not many 13 year olds know what Ska is. This whole comment is Madness.
Karis Ravenhill 3 years ago
Don't tell the kids about Ska music! Even at my age i'm trying to forget it exists!
Raven DeathShade 3 years ago
The last time I had mozzarella sticks was the first time I stole my best friend's food as we were waiting for our first rehearsal of the Little Mermaid back in 2020. Haven't stolen her food since, and haven't had mozzarella sticks since either.
#51
Only Cowards And Fools Fear The Breast Monolith
Pedro 3 years ago
...the Funk Soul Brother... 😊 Sorry. Couldn't stop myself...
Load More Replies... Demi Zwaan 3 years ago
There are people against uniboobs? I think it's sexy af. Especially when the fabric between the boobs is tight and stretches a bit, but turtleneck uniboob is awesome too!
Fluffy Griffin 3 years ago (edited)
I think busty women often have uniboob, unless they are wearing some strong vnecks. To not have uniboob, you'd have to have some severely walleyed tiddies.
Load More Replies... #52
Talk To The Lobsters
#53
When An Explosion Explodes Hard Enough
Ragnhild Nilsen 3 years ago
Our brains are a cross between soggy bacon and fatty tapioka, running on low voltage electricity. Locked in a box of carbon and calsium, halucinating quietly to itself about philosophy, religion and calculus. It's not at all strange that we are weird at times.
Raven DeathShade 3 years ago
I'd say that this is why I'm Catholic, but that's a bit untrue XD. I'm Catholic because I have no choice; God basically sat me down and said "You. You're mine now", and I was like "okay". (Joke, kinda)
RedstonewolfX 3 years ago
And then writes a reply in a discussion about the fabric of its own existence.
#54
I Think She's On To Us, Mathamachicken
#55
It's True Though
WildHoneyPie 3 years ago
Except right after regeneration. Then it can be a little awkward.
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#56
The Shape Of Soup
#57
Capital Numbers
Thomas Turnbull 3 years ago
not if the rest are in bold. just use a larger font for the numbers
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T. D. Bostick 3 years ago
There are capital numbers. Adobe distinguishes between capital and lowercase numbers.
John Smith 3 years ago
Quote: "There are three kinds of falsehoods, lies, damned lies and statistics"
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#58
They Have The Meats
John Smith 3 years ago
I find it amazing that if a vegan wants to take vegan food into a regular school, the school bends over backwards to accommodate them, but if a meat eater wants to take meat into a vegan school they have to smuggle it. Welcome to equality in foods.
Raven Sheridan 3 years ago
I'm envisioning a kid waiting in a dark alley. When a fellow student walks by, he whispers, "Psst! Hey kid! Wanna by a baloney sandwich?" As he subtly opens his trenchcoat, to display the goods....
T. D. Bostick 3 years ago
Well that school's raising a generation of kids that will straight up want to murder every cow they see.
#59
Giant Unkillable Sex Wizard
Katy McMouse 3 years ago
Trump tried, but only got as far as overweight unimpeachable sex pest.
#60
Sh*tting Myself And Mocking God
#61
The Paradox Of Meat
#62
Bot-Written Obituary
Clipps / Xaften 3 years ago
I will remember you, aroace tiger. In the most insane way i can
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Cindy Martin 3 years ago
The extra eyes hiding in her bangs might be the most upsetting part if this....
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Mobey Drunk 3 years ago
I hope my obituary turns out this bad. It'll give me my first laugh in the afterlife.
#63
Talking To A Marshmallow Sandwich
Candy corn 3 years ago
Is there a job where you manage a company’s social media account? Like, did someone get paid to roast this guy on Twitter? If so career goals
Kimi Tomminello 3 years ago
Yes, it is really a thing. Wendy's is the roast master lol they recently did a mass roasting on Twitter and my sister sent me screenshots of the best ones (I don't do Twitter).
Load More Replies... #64
You Are So Full Of Blood Jacob Now You're Just Being Selfish
John Smith 3 years ago
You need to make sure you are giving blood to the right people as well. If they ask you to give blood at night in a carpark, you might have been donating to a vampire......... or a druggie that needs to pass a blood test.
#65
I Thought He Was Always Watching. Always
Insert Generic Username 3 years ago
I remember being scared stiff of coming out to my Catholic parents and both of them saying a variation of, "it doesn't matter who you love so long as they love you".
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thatmagicgaychick 3 years ago
I really would hope your God doesn't punish you for actually being happy with yourself.
John Smith 3 years ago
I always find it really funny when people state that the bible says gay sex is wrong, then quotes Leviticus 18:22, they really should go further back than the decided translation, https://blog.smu.edu/ot8317/2019/04/11/lost-in-translation-alternative-meaning-in-leviticus-1822/
Selah Taylor 3 years ago
Paul actually mentions it several times in his letters as detestable to God. I believe it’s clear- but that doesn’t mean I agree with it or understand it. I just trust God knows best for us, and that anything that takes priority over our relationship with God is the problem, not God. Whether that’s a TV show, a relationship, a habit, etc. Just my beliefs - please dont attack me😬 but other thoughts are very welcome
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Blue of the yams 3 years ago
You can have both! God dgaf who you sleep with as long as you do it safely and responsibly
Thomas Turnbull 3 years ago
ally yarid we don't need lectures about something that offer no help. according to you religious people god gives you free will and that of course means your on your own. so in your case god is not good.
#66
I Thought A Rusty Trombone Was Something Else
Ginny Weasly 3 years ago
As a trombone player I can confirm that this is VERY inaccurate lol
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Dolly_of TheCowboy 3 years ago
Yes absolutely true particularly during drop bear season where we need the brass section to stay well fed, so they have the strength to warn the rest of us of approaching DB. The danger from players being too close to one another, lest the chain be broken by an attack, means distance is crucial. The woodwind and string sections are not able to produce enough sound and be far enough apart alone, hence the honkwiching from the trombone section
#67
The Future We Asked For
Hugh Walter 3 years ago
https://www.google.com/search?q=racoon+in+a+funny+hat&newwindow=1&client=firefox-b&sxsrf=AOaemvK-HpQjGCnMLqxuEWix_Xv0zhlzLg:1643075056376&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiP4svI48v1AhXL2aQKHSPIB7YQ_AUoAXoECAEQAw&biw=1525&bih=696&dpr=0.9
#68
Decades Of Microplastics In Your Brain
Mazer 3 years ago
This is super sad since they just found micro plastics in some woman’s placenta after she gave birth. No joke
Thomas Turnbull 3 years ago
no plastic reaches your brain. because The blood–brain barrier (BBB) is a highly selective semipermeable border of endothelial cells that prevents solutes in the circulating blood from non-selectively crossing into the extracellular fluid of the central nervous system where neurons reside.
#69
Not Me I Like Mine Well Done
BigOrangeTractor 3 years ago
Warning: Boring, Serious Response. It's for us folk that iron things. You don't want stuff bone dry if you're going to iron it.
Csaba Hegedűs 3 years ago
What bothers me more the toasters that have like 10 heat levels but if you ever go above 4 the toast burns to crisp.
#70
All Of It
Rebecca Flanagan 3 years ago
I appreciate synopses of epic novels and historical events that apply the storyline to something tangible, something relatable. Like WW1 / The Great War being a bar fight among countries.
#71
Never Thought I Would Read Something Like This..
Marcellus II 3 years ago
With about 4000 amputations per year in the USA, amateur woodworking is an actual problem... that's more like *60* someones in the US each week (assuming less than 1000 had already lost fingers but didn't learn a thing).
John Smith 3 years ago
A lot of peoples learning curve is actually downward.
Load More Replies... #72
I Want More Overgrown Ruins To Explore And If I Have To Make Them Myself Then So Be It
#73
What Does The Pigeon Say?
#74
This Lane Is For Crime
C. Wade 3 years ago (edited)
YES - THANK YOU - If you're not willing to commit a couple of crimes, GET TF OUT OF THE FAST LANE 😂
ZAPanda 3 years ago
well sometimes you just want to get past some dawdlers in the middle lane who are driving below the speed limit?
Load More Replies... Paul K. Johnson 3 years ago
I call it the passing lane to make it clear what it's really for. If you're not passing then you're blocking and you need to get out of the way. My favorite is a person who moves into the passing lane just to drive next to the person who was in front of him.
#75
The Perfect Plan
Marcellus II 3 years ago
Not a sustainable pricing model, this business will fold when they run out of their VC money. THEN all the paperwork gets published and you're in trouble. C- would not recommend.
#76
Uncle/Stroke Victim Embracing The Memory Loss
Alicia M 3 years ago
I always think about those rare, lucky people who have a health crisis and end up better off than before. Like the guy who had average intellect, but after sustaining a brain injury, he was fluent in 10 different languages.
Oopsydaisy 3 years ago
I would kind of like if I'd forgotten every single Terry Pratchett novel so I could read them all again new. But someone would have to remind me that I liked them
#77
There Is Only One Person In The World Who Can Prove That I'm Not A Cardinal
Eb 3 years ago
All about men conferring and receiving power, isn't it? Anyone can tell I 'm not a secret cardinal because I have boobs.
#78
If I Get Trickshotted By Someone And On The Mic I Hear Oink Oink I’m Making F*cking Bacon
Claire Murray 3 years ago
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHH *screams of terror because of pig*
#79
Gingerbread Is As Inscrutable And Fundamental As Carbon. Only We Can See The Horror
Marcellus II 3 years ago
Not sure, if I lived in a house made of flesh I'd figure somehting is up.
Eppe 3 years ago
You're missing the point. Your house is made of atoms and so are we. Gingerbread is the gingerbread person's atoms.
Load More Replies... Rebecca Flanagan 3 years ago
On a lark, I told my 3yo child to always eat the gingerbread head first so you don't hear them screaming. Didn't think twice about it. Fast forward a few years and I overhear child (now 5yo) explaining to younger sibling (2yo) how to properly eat gingerbread people, and dino nuggets and animal crackers . . .
#80
Lettuce Pray Before We Start The Feast
#82
Pterodactyl Tits
#83
She’s Built Like A Phospholipid
#84
Antidepressant Nerd Rope
cybermerlin2000 3 years ago
American pharmacy companies are writing all of this down and setting a 4000% mark up on anti-depressant melatonin gummies
#85
You Wouldn't Download A Plant
Ray Martin 3 years ago
I used to laugh at those VHS video piracy ads before the movie. "YOU WOULDN'T DOWNLOAD A CAR!". Yes, I absolutely would if I could, you idiot.
M O'Connell 3 years ago
3D printers have really thrown a wrench into that logic.
Load More Replies... Goth mouse (they/them) 3 years ago
One of my grandmas used to take plant cuttings from every botanical ganden she visited and had the most amazing garden 😄
Spring Fisk 3 years ago
Picking up succulent leaves that would be thrown way anyway is not bad, you are being tidy and frugal. Now if you break off a leaf that's a whole other thing.
#86
"I Wish I Was A Croissant"
Nicole Tomme 3 years ago
Well that smooth rock wad worn down by a lot of stress to become smooth.
Goth mouse (they/them) 3 years ago
reminded me of this i saw the other day, he does look a happy lil pastry AB6D02FE-7...8-jpeg.jpg 
#87
"You Kids Are Overeducated And Over-Gay"
Monday 3 years ago
I dunno man, I feel like Gen Z has out-gayed us and that's rather sad. We're not quite as under-gay as our predecessors but many of us could still use a good dose or two.
13 3 years ago
You need to screenshot this and enter it in the article. Beautiful.
Load More Replies... #88
Rotate A Cow
Moosy Girl 3 years ago
You can rotate the idea of the cow in your mind, you don’t have to see (or visualize) the rotating cow to think about the rotating cow. You could also close your eyes and think of it as a black cow rotating in the dark. :p
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Kay blue 3 years ago
I told my daughter we used to go out cow tipping as a test to see how long she would believe my bullshit for. I told her at age 15, she worked out I was lying at age 22.
Mazer 3 years ago
Nah, she figured it out right away, she was just waiting for the right time to out you
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Kimi Tomminello 3 years ago
Depends on which side of the equator you're on
Load More Replies... #89
Stingray Bag
Pezor Zass 3 years ago
basically off topic, but i burn so easily that seeing people sitting under all that sun just out there and exposed always freaks me out a little. Like part of my brain can't accept that people do this.
#90
I'm Free After Noon But Before Bonky
Evil Hornet 3 years ago
Bonky sounds cute :) I finish my work at Bonky so I really like Bonky! :D
#91
No That's Fine I Think An Element Of Danger At Brunch Is Sexy And Fun
ThatOneWriter 3 years ago
I used to follow VampireApologist! I'm sad they deactivated their account, they were awesome.
#92
I Prefer Shuffle
Marcellus II 3 years ago
Anybody is. Especially those that reach the bottom of these BP articles.
Anna Snorrepot 3 years ago
just rearranged my CD's in their plastic rack. What am I capable off?
#93
Enough Reddit For Today
cybermerlin2000 3 years ago
Time to quit I think and do something more rewarding, something like a BMW indicator fitter
#94
Cursor Parking Lot
Rebecca Flanagan 3 years ago (edited)
Excuse my while I add "reserved for cursor" to every Google Doc in my team folder. My presentations — in person or video conference — always include a "Parking Lot" for audience questions (so we don't forget, I can answer/call it out when appropriate in the presentations, and so the participant doesn't fixate in the question and listens better). Dorkily excited to add that reserved spot within that slide. Haha!
Fluffy Griffin 3 years ago
When you share a "Google doc" (like a word document, but online), you can see what everyone else is doing within the document; changing words, highlighting, even where their cursor is. This "lot" keeps everyone's cursors tidy so it's not a distraction when presenting.
Load More Replies... #95
Regional Jimspector
Raven Sheridan 3 years ago
It's Florida, dude. Not a whole lot of braincells in that state.
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Oopsydaisy 3 years ago
I just read a book that kept referring to Slim Jims and I thought they were cigarettes (noone ate them, they were just there).
Dolly_of TheCowboy 3 years ago
Ahhh Florida man once sea levels rise high enough the who will become the next "Florida man"
Dorothy Parker 3 years ago (edited)
You tell one person in a bar your brilliant idea and wham! No Slim Jim's for you.
#96
Good Morning
Mazer 3 years ago
Reminds me of the time my friends father was trying to get a strong willed inane host to seat us at a regularly reserved table. He never raised his voice, just leaned in and kept his voice just loud enough for anyone within five feet to hear…And I quote “son, I have been dining at this fine establishment since before you were swimming in your daddy’s sacs swinging between his legs, I suggest you get someone in management to help you sort this out” The young mans face turned a beautiful shade of red and we were all seated in minutes.
Raven DeathShade 3 years ago
Aw, poor guy. That must've been so embarrassing XD.
Load More Replies... #97
“Tongue Kissing 4 Strangers Is Not An Immune System Flex”
#98
I [36m] Am Polyamorous And My Partners [23f, 24f, 28f, 30f] Have Unionized
![I [36m] Am Polyamorous And My Partners [23f, 24f, 28f, 30f] Have Unionized](https://www.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/61ea6c7d2cd5f_oig264oa4b871__700.jpg "I [36m] Am Polyamorous And My Partners [23f, 24f, 28f, 30f] Have Unionized")
Hugo Raible 3 years ago
Shaming on people's relationship choices isn't making you the edgy grrrl you want to be.
Load More Replies... M O'Connell 3 years ago
Since there is an even number of partners, this could be quite divisive.
#99
’No-Yugioh’ Holiday
#100
Taser Napkin
Lucinda Speer 3 years ago
Naw, man. Steve was all about protecting all the animals. Even the murderous ones.
ZAPanda 3 years ago
I am going to memorise this one now, along with trash panda, thunder turkey, wizard goat, etc.
sirfryingpan 3 years ago
don't forget snakes: danger noodle, meanie linguini, nope rope, and most importantly... snek!
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What do you think ?
Patti Vance 3 years ago
#2 was close to home. i was accompanied by my mom and grandmom when i walked out of court from divorcing my extremely abusive ex as well as successfully winning full custody of my son to whom he has been abusive to as well. he was so bad the judge ordered one of the baliffs to escort us to my car. once in, my gram pulled out her luger pistol from her purse. shocked, i asked her what that was for. her: i'm 70 yrs old. lived a good life. i could use housing, food, medical for life if he would have gotten [my son]. and, when i die i don't think i would be kicked out of heaven for taking that s****. out for what he has done. gram was the unknown family gangster and badass
Posmol W 3 years ago
Go gran! Hope you and your son are better now, that would've been so hard to go through
Load More Replies... Liz the Wanderer 3 years ago
I'm bored panda reading REDDIT here. I can go to REDDIT to do that.
Demi Zwaan 3 years ago
But then you need to read the 100s of unfunny posts and comments too. Here you only get the best stuff. Or so they say.
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D K 3 years ago (edited)
Has anyone else here thought of how many photos they were in the background of?
Huddo's sister 3 years ago
I went on a school camp in year 11, then at the start of the next year I met someone else who had been on the camp and I hadn't known him then. I had someone describe a thing that happened on the camp that we were both involved in, but I still didn't recognize him. I went back to look at photos from the trip, but couldn't find him. There were another 50 or so on the trip, most of whom I didn't know, so I know there were probably others in those photos I just wouldn't recognize too. I am probably in someone else's photo from that camp too.
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Timmy Pillinger 3 years ago
Me a temp: good morning... This is... At... Customer : can I landfill a whale?
Patti Vance 3 years ago
#2 was close to home. i was accompanied by my mom and grandmom when i walked out of court from divorcing my extremely abusive ex as well as successfully winning full custody of my son to whom he has been abusive to as well. he was so bad the judge ordered one of the baliffs to escort us to my car. once in, my gram pulled out her luger pistol from her purse. shocked, i asked her what that was for. her: i'm 70 yrs old. lived a good life. i could use housing, food, medical for life if he would have gotten [my son]. and, when i die i don't think i would be kicked out of heaven for taking that s****. out for what he has done. gram was the unknown family gangster and badass
Posmol W 3 years ago
Go gran! Hope you and your son are better now, that would've been so hard to go through
Load More Replies... Liz the Wanderer 3 years ago
I'm bored panda reading REDDIT here. I can go to REDDIT to do that.
Demi Zwaan 3 years ago
But then you need to read the 100s of unfunny posts and comments too. Here you only get the best stuff. Or so they say.
Load More Replies... D K 3 years ago (edited)
Has anyone else here thought of how many photos they were in the background of?
Huddo's sister 3 years ago
I went on a school camp in year 11, then at the start of the next year I met someone else who had been on the camp and I hadn't known him then. I had someone describe a thing that happened on the camp that we were both involved in, but I still didn't recognize him. I went back to look at photos from the trip, but couldn't find him. There were another 50 or so on the trip, most of whom I didn't know, so I know there were probably others in those photos I just wouldn't recognize too. I am probably in someone else's photo from that camp too.
Load More Replies... Timmy Pillinger 3 years ago
Me a temp: good morning... This is... At... Customer : can I landfill a whale?
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