Lady Takes It Online To Vent About Her “Non-Helpful” FIL, Turns Out The Folks Take A Different View

A few years ago, we told you about a mother who admitted that voluntarily involved grandparents are a true blessing for any parent and that you can only thank heaven and these grandparents for their truly priceless help. However, sometimes, many moms and dads begin to take such help for granted.

The story we’re going to tell you today is actually one of this kind. Its author, the user Starlightbright200, expects help from her numerous relatives after the birth of her third child, and gets sincerely offended when someone refuses her this help. However, let’s not get ahead of ourselves in our tale.

More info: Mumsnet

The author of the post recently gave birth to her third child and expected help from her numerous relatives

Frustrated mother holding her head while a child hugs her, illustrating babysitting duty conflict with grandpa refusal.

Image credits: Keira Burton / Pexels (not the actual photo)

The lady’s elderly mom came and stayed there for a few weeks, but she obviously got very tired

Text post about grandpa skipping babysitting duty for a party weekend, causing frustration with daughter-in-law.

Text excerpt about family struggles after having kids, related to grandpa skipping babysitting and causing tension.

Text discussing family struggles with absentee dad and a mother-in-law undergoing chemo but offering limited support due to her health.

Text excerpt discussing family struggles with babysitting duty and refusal to watch children causing family tension.

Text about grandpa skipping babysitting duty for a party weekend, causing frustration with daughter-in-law.

Image credits: Starlightbright200

Woman sitting on the floor holding a sleeping baby near a crib, illustrating grandpa skipping babysitting duty and family tension.

Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The mom decided to invite her father-in-law to come and help them on the weekend, but faced an unexpected refusal

Text excerpt about a grandpa skipping babysitting duty for a party weekend, upsetting his daughter-in-law.

Text excerpt explaining self-sufficiency in childcare and preference for paid babysitters over grandpa babysitting duties.

Text discussing family support and limited babysitting, reflecting grandpa skipping babysitting duty for a party weekend.

Text excerpt about childcare struggles and a grandmother agreeing to help before baby’s early arrival.

Text excerpt discussing a woman needing rest after helping with childcare while her partner is at work.

Image credits: Starlightbright200

Stressed woman talking on phone near baby crib, upset about grandpa skipping babysitting duty for party weekend.

Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The man started giving various excuses, and finally, he’s having a party at work and will be so tired after that

Text excerpt discussing grandpa skipping babysitting duty and causing frustration with his daughter-in-law over childcare.

Text showing a grandpa refusing babysitting duty, choosing a party weekend instead, angering his daughter-in-law.

Text message conversation showing a partner and father-in-law refusing babysitting duty, causing family tension.

Text discussing frustration over grandpa skipping babysitting duty for a party weekend, upsetting the daughter-in-law.

Text excerpt discussing a family conflict where grandpa skips babysitting duty, causing frustration with daughter-in-law.

Image credits: Starlightbright200

Older man in glasses wearing a sweater and tie, looking at smartphone, reflecting grandpa skipping babysitting duty for party weekend.

Image credits: pixel-shot.com / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The lady tried to get her husband involved in persuasions, but the son also failed to coax Dad to change his plans

Text on screen showing a personal story about a chaotic birth and a traumatic journey afterward.

Text snippet discussing a family conflict where grandpa skips babysitting duty for a party weekend, upsetting his daughter-in-law.

Text excerpt showing a grandpa refusing babysitting duty to attend a work outing despite pressure from family.

Text excerpt discussing a grandpa making excuses to avoid babysitting and his strained family relationships.

Image credits: Starlightbright200

Grandpa using laptop at home, looking frustrated as he skips babysitting duty for party weekend plans.

Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The woman was offended and devastated – especially since her father-in-law is actually a decent grandpa

Text message expressing frustration about grandpa refusing babysitting duty for a party weekend, angering daughter-in-law.

Grandpa skips babysitting duty for party weekend, causing frustration with daughter-in-law over kids care.

Alt text: Text questioning if expecting a 72-year-old woman to do heavy lifting is unreasonable in a grandpa babysitting dispute.

Image credits: Starlightbright200

So the spouses decided to take it online, seeking public support and advice

So, the Original Poster (OP) tells us that she and her husband recently had a third child, and since then, she has been actively involving her mom in helping with taking care of the kids and around the house. The elderly lady (she’s in her early 70s) has been living in their house for the last couple of weeks, but age is taking its toll—and now she’s very tired, so the mom of three is looking for a replacement.

She chose her father-in-law, who is almost ten years younger than her mom, and was always happy to spend time with his grandkids when she and the children came to visit him. This gentleman lives about two hours away from our heroine, and she asked him directly if he could come to visit them for the weekend… and help with everything.

But the father-in-law began to dodge this trip in every possible way – even for one day, in the end quite openly stating that he would have a party at work that weekend, and that he would eat and drink all day, and in general would be very… well, tired. Even the offer to pay for his travel, there and back, didn’t tempt the grandpa to change his plans.

The author’s husband also decided to call his dad and try to persuade him to come, but he still started throwing out various excuses like “I hate trains,” “I hate London,” and whatnot. As a result, the son gave up these useless attempts, and the couple simply decided to ask for advice online about how unreasonable their requests looked in general and whether the behavior of our heroine’s FIL in this situation was justified.

Young man comforts upset woman as grandpa skips babysitting duty causing family tension and frustration over kids care.

Image credits: SHVETS production / Pexels (not the actual photo)

“In any case, parenting and taking care of the children is, first of all, the responsibility of the parents and no one else,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, with whom Bored Panda got in touch for a comment on this case. “Of course, if the grandparents themselves express a free will to help, this is nothing but great, but you shouldn’t overuse this under any circumstances.”

“In this situation, as we can see, the grandfather tried in every way to make it clear that he didn’t want to come, didn’t want to change his own plans – but neither the son nor his wife could, or didn’t want to understand his hints. By the way, they were quite transparent hints. So he had to speak directly – but then, quite predictably, they took offense at him.”

By the way, many people in the comments also sided with the father-in-law rather than the original poster, noting that the grandparents aren’t actually obligated to help her with the kids and around the house, and that voluntary help cannot be perceived as an obligation. Thus, if the FIL has his own plans for the weekend, no one should actually force him to change these plans.

Moreover, many responders even stated that the author obviously expects too much help from her relatives and that it would be better for her to just let her poor mom go home and try to rely on her own and on her spouse in the future. After all, it’s their family and their responsibility. So what do you, our dear readers, think about this story? Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.

People in the comments, however, mostly sided with the FIL, claiming that parenting and taking care of the kids is only the parents’ responsibility

Screenshot of a forum comment discussing grandpa skipping babysitting duty and family tensions over childcare responsibilities.

Comment by Minnie798 discussing FIL’s weekend plans and refusal to babysit, relating to grandpa skipping babysitting duty.

Comment discussing grandpa skipping babysitting duty, causing tension with daughter-in-law over kids care.

Comment from user TomatoSandwiches questioning the need for so much help with parenting and babysitting duties.

Comment discussing grandparents refusing to babysit, highlighting grandpa skipping babysitting duty for a party weekend.

Comment on family expectations about babysitting, mentioning grandpa skipping duty and daughter-in-law's frustration.

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