Have you ever noticed how painstaking it is building up a reputation as it takes months if not years, but even the tiniest of mishaps will destroy it in an instant? Well, maybe it’s for the best because some impressions need to be ruined.
Folks on Reddit have been sharing the fastest way someone has ruined their opinion of them—and it genuinely felt like progress in life at that point.
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Was at a ballgame for a birthday with some work friends I’d known for years, the kind of guys that a certain amount of my future job success depended upon (one manager, one assoc director). I’d been at this company five years, and by this point it was listed by Forbes as one of the top ten mid-sized companies to work for in the entire US
One of them sat down and started talking about how he’d felt the a*s of the woman sitting in front of us a few minutes before. She hadn’t responded well, so then he went on to describe how it wasn’t that good anyway.
I had this moment where everything in my head went quiet. Like an almost out of body experience. I could see my credibility with these guys, built up over years, hang in the balance against my self-respect and character. I took a really hard swallow, then proceeded to berate this guy VERY loudly and tell him he should apologize. Everyone went dead quiet, then pretended like nothing had happened. The rest of the day went on like normal.
Never got invited out again. Two of them went on to direct sun-divisions of their departments as a part of an old-boy’s in-crowd. I left the company a year later.
I regret nothing.
Matched with a lady on tinder. I always go to the let's get coffee as soon as possible to filter out the women who just like to chat endlessly.
To my surprise, she says yes. Could of days later we meet to outside of the coffee shop, we walk in, and she says, " Ew, I don't want coffee from this place, I don't care for the people serving the coffee."
I ask, "oh, you know them?" She responds, "no, but I know their type." "What do you mean, their type?" , thinking maybe she didn't like hipsters.
"Well black people are always gross and dirty, and I don't want to have them serving me." I look at her, and she's really hot, and kind of dressed sl**ty. So most of the time a guy will allow a certain amount of WTF in a girl like that.
But no, I just say I don't think this will work, and then block her as I'm walking away. I think our total in person interaction was like less than 5 minutes, maybe less than 2. I don't date racists. I didn't tolerate racists. No amount of hot on the outside will overcome that ugly on the inside.
Thanks for reminding me of that girl. I had forgotten about that experience. .
So, folks on AskReddit have recently been talking about the fastest ways someone has ruined their opinion of them.
While the analytics are modest, clocking in at 1,800 upvotes and comments each, the stories people were telling sounded more of a blessing than a curse.
Dated a woman a while back, we were talking on the phone as she was driving home. She pulled into a fast food place to get something, and I got an earful of her treating the employees there like s**t.
How you treat people you don't necessarily have to be nice to says a lot about you. I hung up on her and never spoke to her again.
A girl I was seeing casually called my former roommate a racial slur while I was driving the two of us to dinner
I pulled over, dropped her off on a street corner, then went and got dinner on my own.
Picked me up for a date, got on the highway, and revved it up to drive over 100 mph, weaving in between cars. I was terrified, tears in my eyes, asking him to slow down and he laughed. It was so f*****g scary, I can’t even explain it. Literally thought I was going to die, he was going *so fast*, well over 100 mph, and just weaving between cars. Just terrifying.
I took a taxi home and never saw him again. I’d had a crush on him for like 2 years at that point. I never wanted to see him again.
From racism to tantrums to flat out rudeness—the thread had it all. Much of it dealt with treating people, specifically hospitality, restaurant and retail workers. Before that, most of these people were in good standing, chill, good at banter, heck some were even dating. Well, they got too comfortable for their own good and ruined it all by being just the worst.
Being a complete b***h to servers at a restaurant. I don't care how hot you are. Treating service workers poorly and with entitlement is such a turn off.
A girl I was dating screamed at her mom. We were about to get down to business (sex), when her mother called. I could hear both sides of the convo. Her mom wanted to know if my girlfriend had accidentally taken her mother's house keys the last time she was staying over at their place. Girlfriend says no, annoyed, without hesitation. Mom asks if she could just check her purse when she had a moment because she couldn't find them anywhere. Girlfriend erupts out of nowhere screaming at her mom, accusing her mom of accusing her, which wasn't what was happening. She hangs up on her mom, who I hear audibly sobbing. Girlfriend then checks her purse and finds the lost keys. Instead of calling her mom, she calls her dad, tells him to come get them on the condition that he doesn't say where he found them. I could barely stand to be in the same room as her after that.
I met some (now former) coworkers out for dinner one night, and after the first round of drinks, one of them's husband showed up to join us. I had met him a few times before and had always thought he was a nice enough dude. Laid back, good conversation, chill.
He ordered lemon pepper wings, and the server brought out ones that had dark red sauce on them, so clearly not the correct flavor. No big deal, right? Well this guy acted like the server had spit in his face or something. He made a huge stink, demanded the manager, and was being so loud that half the restaurant was looking at our table. It was incredibly embarrassing.
His wife, my coworker, just sat there rubbing his back and saying "Oh, baby, I'm so sorry" to him while he had his tantrum, like he had just watched his dog die or something. It totally put me off both of them. She was not invited to any subsequent dinner meetups. No one wanted to risk that happening again.
If that's the kind of awful behaviour and enabling of said awful behaviour that's typical of those two, then I REALLY hope they didn't have kids.
As mentioned previously, reputation is pretty fragile. It doesn’t take much to make something crash and burn, though building it is a much more arduous process.
So, it’s best to first of all start by protecting a reputation before it crumbles by not saying or doing something regretful in the first place.
Her: "Once I was fighting with my boyfriend and I punched him multiple times in the arm."
Me: "What? That's not nice."
Her: "No, no, it was fine, I felt better afterwards!"
I had no words. It soured my view of her in an instant.
Until he snaps from being abused and punches her back. Or leaves her, won't feel so nice then.
I was pretty good pals with this one dude at work. Good banter, chill as can be and all that. But then I heard him talk about his girlfriend for the first time and how she does nothing around the house and how she's typical for a modern woman because she doesn't do chores. I instantly understood why all the women at work hated his guts, and from that point on I did, too.
And to add on to this, he also said therapy is for weak-minded people. I went to therapy for five years and it helped me deal with so many things that felt overwhelming before. Thankfully he no longer works there and our workplace is better for it.
I got a friend hired at the restaurant I work at. Anyone in that industry knows that “Christmas bonuses” aren’t really a thing but I’m lucky enough to work for a small business that gives one out every year. She got hers after only working there for a couple months, opens the envelope and says “that’s it??”
I just found it so distasteful that she scoffed at free money she didn’t even have to work for and wasn’t entitled to. How ungrateful can you be.
If trouble does strike, however, the best thing is to admit the mistake and rebuild. So, first seek out the truth and figure out what you have done to deserve the hate. Identify whether you’re truly in the wrong and were you fairly blamed? Find out why people reacted the way they did. Discuss it with friends or coworkers and brace yourself to make things right. Verbatim.
Had a really good friend from early adulthood. We met when we were 19. We went on a vacation together when we were 30. While there, we met a French woman who was there for a destination wedding. We chatted for a bit in French before I retired to our AirBnB. I'm married so I wasn't looking for hookups or anything. I wake up in the night to go to the bathroom and walk in on them half-undressed on the couch. I say, "Pardonnez-moi" and start walking to the bathroom. She, very drunkenly says, "Wait, your friend speaks French?" I stopped, turned to my friend, and said, "Dude, if she's too drunk to remember talking to me in French an hour ago she's too drunk to consent." I helped her get her things and we walked her drunk a*s home. Definitely changed my opinion of him, and we split up for the rest of the trip.
I met a girl in college and we became friends. I felt sorry for her that she didn't have any friends and was kind of awkward, because I'd been in those shoes too, so I introduced her to my friend circle and things were cool. Then, she calmly informed me that all of them were creeps and p*dos. I asked her what the f**k she meant by that, and she told me that they must be, because they were adults (keep in mind, we were all sophomores in college) who liked comics and cosplay, so they *had* to be creeps. I turned the car around and brought her right back to her dorm, and immediately told my friends. The irony of it was, *she* was, and still is, a decade later, *obsessed* with a certain YA series.
I'm often welcoming to new employees at the company I work for on trips, just to be hospitable. I had a coworker who was the new guy at the time suggest we go get some hookers while on a work trip. He had already creeped out several female coworkers with staring and inappropriate comments and then he dropped that on me.
I could never look at him the same way and he ended up not lasting long at the company, thankfully. It was weird and I'd never experienced anything like that before or since.
I was out with a colleague from work for a few drinks, when we met a friend of him on the street. He told us in a very good mood, that he just dropped off his wife and children at the station. The two arranged to meet later, we said goodbye and the friend walked straight into a brothel. :D
Once you know what you’re up against, start rebuilding. Limiting damage as soon as possible is a good start. But alongside that, form an action plan and start executing it. Admit your mistakes and work towards making sure they don’t happen again—get a mentor or anyone really to keep you accountable with this change. It will also have to be visible in order for folks to start changing their mind about you.
Been unkind to animals.
Even someone who 'doesn't like animals' is a no-go to me as a close friend.
Was having dinner out with some friends and one girl who I was on the fence about. At the end of the meal, one of them began cleaning the trash out of her purse and piling it on our dirty dishes. I asked why she was doing that, and she said “It’s the waitstaff’s job to clean up after me.” Technically it is, but it’s NOT their job to clean up your personal trash.
My opinion of her became decidedly negative after that!
I was hanging out with friends once and got introduced to a friend of a friend and within minutes this dude was talking about how nice it is to get a break from his annoying wife lmao like brother I have barely known you for five mins and you're telling me what a b***h your wife is? Off the get go I knew this guy was an a*****e.
I had a work friend. I was his closest friend. Going for breaks together, sharing food, doing projects together, winning awards etc etc. We worked for 2 years before he moved to other department which was in a separate building. Next time I met him at an office party where I found out he just got married. Later heard him making fun of his wife to his friends, saying things like how wives are always complaining, grumbling, unhappy creatures and can't see husbands happy. One guy actually told him 'Its not been even a month, why are you making fun of your wife?' He was definitely no longer the person I was friends with. I never tried reaching out for him after that.
If you do end up mending your reputation, make sure it lasts this time around. For one, try not to stumble into the same pitfall as last time by avoiding previous behaviors and rhetoric. And if it’s a habit, have someone keep you accountable.
It might take time for someone to let it go or to see that you’re, at the very least, trying to make amends. So, give it that.
“Just cuz there’s a goalie doesn’t mean you can’t score” aaaand you’re gross. Cheating is pathetic. You were cute but nvm thanks.
Not going to lie, that took me a moment to realize that meant relationship cheating and not somehow cheating at sports. I'm an idjit.
This happened to a friend. In 1973, my friend, who was a teenager and a huge Knicks fan, actually went to the airport to meet the Knicks’ plane and try to get some autographs. My friend is an Orthodox Jew and was wearing his kippah. The plane came in and my friend was jumping up, calling out the players’ and waving his autograph book. One player actually came over and was going to take my friend’s pen to sign when he spotted the kippah. He dropped the pen and said “I don’t do s**t for Jews.”.
Well for me. I was starting to make friends with this girl from my job. It was great at first because we had a lot of things common, and I was thrilled to have a new friend. So, I planned a hangout with her off work. She told me that she had her brother at home and didn't want to leave him by himself. I didn't find anything wrong with that. I told her that she can bring him along then. It was the worst decision because if I knew. I wouldn't have asked her to. Through out the whole hangout, she kept trying to set me up with her brother. I just felt uncomfortable because she would high light my ethnicity and constantly say that her brother always wanted a spanish girlfriend. She would also encourage us to talk alone, and that we had so much in common. I kept telling her I wasn't interested but she didn't listen. The night got progressly more worse, when we stopped to eat at a restaurant after hiking. Her and her brother ordered a lot of things. I didn't order as much, only one thing from the menu. When it was time to pay, they forfeit the bill. Pure silence. Her intention was obvious. She wanted me to pay for it all. I asked to split the bill and she started to complain how expensive it was. Never again. I decided it was best to remain as coworkers instead of friends.
However, also be prepared to accept the fact that sometimes mistakes are permanent. And it might not be you—it might be them who are unwilling to accept your repentance. In which case you now have to accept that you can’t repair your reputation and have to move on to other things.
Wife and I were house-shopping. Or realtor had done a great job finding houses in our price range and negotiating a fair price. Then at closing she confirmed the final price and said “I tried to Jew the owner down a little more, but he wouldn’t move.”
“Uh … you did what?” we asked.
“Yeah, I tried to Jew him down a little more, but he wouldn’t budge,” she said.
Us: “You know that’s antisemitic, right?”
Her: “No it isn’t. I’ve used it for years.”
If we could have backed out of closing, we would have. We didn’t use her again when it was time to sell that house, though. And for whatever it’s worth we did return the gift basket she sent us.
Oh I posted a good story about this on a different subreddit yesterday. My dad's a member of a men's club at a golf course and has a few friends he golfs with a lot. I'm not a member but he brings me along as a +1 so I know some of his better golf friends. There's a guy we'll call Jim that he golfs with a lot, they've probably been golf friends for a decade. Recently I was in a 4-some with my dad, Jim and a random. We're making small talk waiting for the green to clear on one of the par 3's when the random makes a complaint about an Asian moving in next door and how it bothered him. Jim responds "Oh, I don't mind having Asians living nearby. It's the Mexicans that bother me. Especially if they have kids. You just know they're going to end up gang bangers and d**g dealers and bring all kinds of s**t to the neighborhood."
So I'm going to say that. That comment moved Jim from one of my dad's cooler golf friends to someone I never want to golf with again. Over the rest of the round Jim and the random made a lot of comments just casually spewing racism, sexism and anti-LGBT sentiment. My dad was as baffled as I was. When we got back to the car my dad said he wasn't going to be trying to share a 4-some with Jim or hang with him at the range anymore.
"Recently I was in a 4-some with my dad, Jim and a random."... was not a sentence I expected;)
My old supervisor was one of the smartest guys I've ever met he taught me loads, I had massive respect for him and we worked as a team, he was pretty old so I did all his heavy lifting for him (we were welder fabricators). One day in conversation he told me he doesn't believe in evolution and dinosaurs were a hoax 🤣 didn't really ruin my opinion but how can someone I saw as so clever be so stupid lol.
Had a coworker who admitted they didn't pick up their dog's poop when walking.
A couple years later I found out they were an anti-vaxxer.
People like that is why I have a sign in my yard. "The dog doesn't know any better, you do. PICK IT UP!"
Reputation recuperation might come in different shapes and sizes. Sometimes it might just be a misunderstanding and others it might be something you casually said and gave no serious consideration to, but it affected someone and they’re gonna repress it. Whatever the case, once you notice the signs, reach out, get feedback and make amends.
New male hire at work last week. He jumped into a conversation between two women at work who were debating if a guy customer was rude to both of them but nice to the male boss because he was sexist or just respected authority.
New hire was not present for any of the customer interactions but told the women that it was *definitely* not sexism.
Lying and denying when proof is presented.
I did work experience with another girl from my school that I'd never met. We had use of two of the staff lockers to put our stuff in. My prize possession at the time was my CD walkman (it was flourescent orange - on this day it had a copy of The Offspring Americana in it). This was while I was working kept in the locker with my phone (a 3210 with a glow in the dark UFO case). One evening I was asked if I could stay late and was told I had to ask my mum if I could so I went to the locker I was using and found it open, my CD player and my phone were missing. I told the nursery owner who asked all of the staff if they had seen them. I was asked to describe the items before they started looking and the staff of the nursery were more than happy to open their lockers, when it was the girl from my school's turn even when both of my items were found in her bag, along with the stuff she had used to pick the padlock, claimed she had never seen them before.
My fiancé and I used to be friends with this couple that my fiancé knew from before he went to rehab, got clean and sober, got his life back on track, etc. We went over to their place to visit them and it was about a month after my cousin died from an accidental overdose, so I was still very depressed and out of it. Anyways, we’re talking and hanging out, I brought up what happened. The girlfriend of my fiancé’s friend then blurts out, “Well, maybe if your cousin wasn’t such a dumb**s, she’d still be alive and not dead.” I immediately went quiet while my jaw dropped to the floor.
I thought this woman would show me sympathy or compassion but I was wrong. My fiancé became furious and he then said to these people, “I’m sorry but we gotta get going now.” We never saw or spoke to these people ever again. It took everything in me and my fiancé to keep from punching this woman in the face. She had no room to talk because she was abusing d***s on the down low during and after her pregnancy. As a result, her poor son has severe developmental disabilities and issues, isn’t very vocal, has vision problems and had to have weekly occupational therapy at home. I pity that child so much and there’s nothing I can do to have him put in another home because I don’t have concrete physical evidence.
I've always been a big believer in when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
I went to play D&D over at a friends house and there was a dude there who was one of their mutual friends and within the first few minutes of general, get to know ya questions, one of which being,
"Where did you move here from?"
He responded with like 6 cities and states from across the USA, saying that he's been everywhere and ended that statement with, "I don't know what happens but eventually I always seem to wear out my welcome and need to move every few years."
That first meeting and response immediately made me super wary of him and I didn't particularly like interacting with him afterwards. Because like, he knows what happens, 6 different places in only twice as many years is an obvious pattern, there's no way that's somehow everyone elses fault.
He was around for about 6 months and was relatively chill but then at a mutual friends wedding, he showed up wearing an odd Mrs. Cleo costume, like a straight up bedazzled turban and bedazzled women's dress jacket with like a bright red tank top underneath, flat black culottes, and again bedazzled kitten heels, and then he started a fight with one of the wedding party members. Afterwards he threatened to sue everyone for emotional damages for not having his back and how the fight was a hate crime towards him, in the fight he very much started.
Just to avoid any hate, he was and still does identify as a Cis white man. I have trans friends and am completely supportive of them. What he was wearing wasn't a fashion choice or a coming out, it was very much a costume he decided to wear that day. I watched and heard the fight from beginning to end, he was the initial aggressor, escalated the fight despite the actual bride trying to separate them and calm them down, and he put hands on the other guy first.
It was a s**t show. On the way home I seriously said to my wife, huh I guess we know why he has to move so often now.
Being friends with someone they know is cheating on their significant other.
So, what are your thoughts on any of this? Ruined your reputation recently and need to run by your bounce-back plan? Share your stories and takes in the comment section below!
And if you want more, here’s another piece about regret.
Took a screenshot of what I had every right to assume was a private conversation when i was having a meltdown and shared it with a mutual friend. (More his friend than mine) Any faith and trust I had in him just died.
I'm just going to say this once. No matter how icky it is to do.....once you send something or post something, you no longer have control over it.
So... this is a little over 10 years ago. right before my GF and start dating. My very first GF and I are talking, flirting, and kissing... but I'm 2 years off a bad relationship that left me voluntarily single. So I'm still taking things slow. Not at all my MO.
I want her, she wants me. There's a prince song like that. Things are escalating. I introduce he to some of my friends.
One day she says something bigoted about lesbians. I inquire more... doubles down.
I had a really high opinion of this woman, she accomplished a lot considering various b******t.
Broke it off the next day, told her why. My lesbian friends would hang out with my mom without me sometimes. The f**k if I need that kinda evil in my life.
Maybe just ignorance and indoctrination rather than evil? Sounds like both were very young. I'd have wanted to unpick that.
Mentioning either zodiac or Briggs-Meyers as being a big factor in evaluating new people in your life.
I've also recently heard people call Briggs-Meyers "Zodiac for white collar people" and I can't slam that like button hard enough.
First date, I was walking around a park with a dude with a cold brew. We knew one another socially and had a good rapport and I liked him. It was a nice spring day and I was feeling it. So was he. I let him lead the conversation which just spiraled into a childhood trauma dump so I tried to redirect which didn’t work. He accused me of being insensitive and selfish. I keep my phone on silent so I made a ring noise with my mouth, pulled my phone out and said “Oh that’s not an emergency but I should probably tend to it” and left.
Later he told a mutual friend how big of an a*****e I was and when I explained my side, the conclusion was “Well you’re not a therapist.”.
Look, trauma dumping can happen, but when the other person mentions it, just apologise and change the topic. Yes, we all need to unload at times, and sometimes the timing is s**t, but in the worst case you can always say you're not well and reschedule the date. If THEN they dump you, you know they're s**t.
A long time friend who had been dating around ended up getting back with a guy who she dated years prior, he got married, then while still married got back with the friend. As soon as they became official she no longer had a personality or opinion for herself. She let this man be her mouth piece and he drove away all her friends by telling her they were no good and weren't on their team etc. We had a miscommunication and she refused to address it like an adult and instead let him do the talking for her because "she didn't like confrontation". I lost respect for her when she didn't have any for herself and got with a dude who was still married but I lost all respect for her when she couldn't communicate like an actual adult. Good riddance.
Dad's girlfriend basically nailed all the red flags in the first meeting. Standard stuff like rude to waiters, asking everyone how much money they make and how she was so rich, list goes on. My brother has a pretty significant life altering disease, she told him if he prayed enough he wouldn't be sick. Then for my health issues told me if I pulled my hair a bit it would solve them.
She worked at a job that was absolutely destroying her mental health, and would tell us about how hard it all was. They treated her so poorly, but because they did it with such nice words, she made excuses every time we told her she had to get out of there. She grew so mentally unwell (a big part of it being due to work exhaustion) that her SO had to leave her for the sake of his own health and well-being. She was sucking the air out of all our lungs, asking for advice, agreeing with us but never putting any effort toward using that advise, crying and scream-sighing our ears off. We stuck with her because "that's what friends do" right? ++++++++++++++++++++++++ That's the set up. This is what ended it for me: She got promoted to hiring. We were all SO relieved for her! Salary, benefits, she had the option to do some work from home, and was PROMISED she wouldn't be on shift work anymore. Just one month in, not only has she been asked to take days back on the floor, but she started scoffing at and complaining about the turnover rate of new hires. She openly mocked one (to us) for how he left because he couldn't handle the constant unpredictable shift in scheduling; one of the very things that broke HER. She followed this story up with "people just don't want to work any more." And I was just... Done. She finally had enough pull that she could have affected real change, and instead decided to act like it had never been "that bad" ++++++++++++++++++++++++ Also, fūck you JimmyJohn's. Also, to that one guy she hired who took the job just to get the free sandwich they give to first day employees? Damn legend. Dude left right after his sandwich was made and didn't come back LOL.
The first time I met my friend’s new BF, in a cafe - within 5 minutes he showed me a video on his phone of her giving him a BJ. Then, when she went to the bathroom, he suggested we go for a quickie in his car after he dropped her off. He proposed the same thing *at her mother’s funeral*. It’s been 5 years and she still keeps going back to him. I just don’t get it.
Dad's girlfriend basically nailed all the red flags in the first meeting. Standard stuff like rude to waiters, asking everyone how much money they make and how she was so rich, list goes on. My brother has a pretty significant life altering disease, she told him if he prayed enough he wouldn't be sick. Then for my health issues told me if I pulled my hair a bit it would solve them.
She worked at a job that was absolutely destroying her mental health, and would tell us about how hard it all was. They treated her so poorly, but because they did it with such nice words, she made excuses every time we told her she had to get out of there. She grew so mentally unwell (a big part of it being due to work exhaustion) that her SO had to leave her for the sake of his own health and well-being. She was sucking the air out of all our lungs, asking for advice, agreeing with us but never putting any effort toward using that advise, crying and scream-sighing our ears off. We stuck with her because "that's what friends do" right? ++++++++++++++++++++++++ That's the set up. This is what ended it for me: She got promoted to hiring. We were all SO relieved for her! Salary, benefits, she had the option to do some work from home, and was PROMISED she wouldn't be on shift work anymore. Just one month in, not only has she been asked to take days back on the floor, but she started scoffing at and complaining about the turnover rate of new hires. She openly mocked one (to us) for how he left because he couldn't handle the constant unpredictable shift in scheduling; one of the very things that broke HER. She followed this story up with "people just don't want to work any more." And I was just... Done. She finally had enough pull that she could have affected real change, and instead decided to act like it had never been "that bad" ++++++++++++++++++++++++ Also, fūck you JimmyJohn's. Also, to that one guy she hired who took the job just to get the free sandwich they give to first day employees? Damn legend. Dude left right after his sandwich was made and didn't come back LOL.
The first time I met my friend’s new BF, in a cafe - within 5 minutes he showed me a video on his phone of her giving him a BJ. Then, when she went to the bathroom, he suggested we go for a quickie in his car after he dropped her off. He proposed the same thing *at her mother’s funeral*. It’s been 5 years and she still keeps going back to him. I just don’t get it.
