Woman Told To “Go Screw Herself” After She Stuck Up For Her Daughter Who Didn’t Want To Hug A Relative
Chances are, many of you grew up believing that family is everything. You know, “blood is thicker than water” and whatnot – and while it could be somewhat true for some individuals, having someone disregard your boundaries just because they are a relative does not make it OK.
Setting your limits is incredibly important; they can be physical, like in this article’s case, emotional, or psychological. It’s vital and can even be necessary for your own peace and overall well-being – however, more often than not, it’s not an easy task, especially when it comes to immediate family.
It’s not always simple to remove a child from a toxic adult, but some steps can help fortify the barrier surrounding them and give them the tools they need to be safe for the rest of their lives as, let’s face it, humans can be cruel.
More info: Reddit
An American author once said: “Boundaries are a part of self-care. They’re healthy, normal, and necessary”
Image credits: Mark Gunn (not the actual image)
“My middle-aged, male family member just told me to ‘go [screw] myself’ because I told him our young daughter doesn’t have to hug anyone she doesn’t want” – this internet user turned to Reddit’s r/TrueOffMyChest to vent about a recent encounter with her boundary-less relative. The post managed to garner over 6K upvotes in just a couple of days, as well as 632 comments discussing the situation.
Woman gets blasted for defending her daughter’s boundaries to a family member who insisted on hugging her
Image source: u/emmapkmn
The woman began her post by disclosing that she and her family had a major falling out during the Covid-19 outbreak as she realized the dynamics within her immediate family weren’t that healthy.
She went on to remark that having children had strengthened her resolve to stand up for her family – her husband and children – which gets us to the heart of the narrative.
Recently, while getting ready for Christmas celebrations at another family member’s house, the culprit of the story told the author’s daughter that if she didn’t give him a hug, he was going to come and get one. The woman overheard the conversation and said “no”, arguing that the girl is learning her boundaries and doesn’t have to hug or kiss anyone.
The man pressed the matter, and when she said she wanted her daughter to be able to protect herself, he made a very dubious comment in response.
While getting ready for the upcoming Christmas celebrations, a family member practically demanded a hug from the author’s daughter
Image credits: Mike Cox (not the actual image)
Image source: u/emmapkmn
The mother overheard the conversation and argued that the girl is learning her boundaries and doesn’t have to hug or kiss anyone
Image source: u/emmapkmn
Needless to say, it infuriated the post’s creator, so she came around the corner where she could see him, and said that she’s her child and that she will protect her family. In spite of the relative’s best efforts to refute it by claiming that the girl was also a member of his family, he ultimately told the author to go screw herself.
The woman then went on to say that this wasn’t the first time he’d used such language; in fact, he had previously stated the same thing during the virus outbreak, which is why she stopped going around him altogether.
The author of the post admitted that she was very proud of herself for sticking up for her offspring and not backing down as she was brought up to do.
The man brushed it off and when he, once again, was reminded of the girl’s boundaries despite being family, he told the author to “go [screw] herself”
Image source: u/emmapkmn
The post’s creator admitted that she felt proud for sticking up for her kid and not backing down like she was raised to do
Image credits: Omar Ram (not the actual image)
Since the post gained quite a bit of attention, the woman decided to edit it and add some extra commentary.
First things first, she thanked the fellow community members for their support and said that she would no longer be responding since she has a lot on her plate and would soon need to make some tough decisions and have difficult talks.
The parents and those who intend to become parents who stated that they wish to implement the same boundary rule with their own children were also addressed by the post’s author. Some people, she said, are concerned that they won’t be able to stand up for their little ones, but the woman assured everyone that you’ll be able to find the courage because you’ll love your babies more than you can ever imagine.
Fellow online community members shared their thoughts and opinions
Anyone who gets THAT upset about not being allowed to hug or kiss a child should probably be on some kind of gocernment watch list. Seriously wtf
Yeah, if it was me I would have also asked him why he needs to FORCE a child into hugging him. WTF exactly!
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We somehow magically socialize women to simultaneously be responsible to prevent sexual assault, responsible for the feelings and needs of men (in particular, but others and general) and to somehow blame themselves when they can't do both. This starts by teaching all little children that their body is not theirs. That no doesn't mean no of I'm bigger or more important or *really* need it... Good for you OP, I wish I'd done a better job of this when my child was small (I managed some)
Going to cry. My family's reaction was to just wait until the man died spoiler 3 generations including me were assaulted. Whatever your discomfort of calling this out is nothing to when you have to answer your own hurt child as to why you let this go on another generation
I 'm really sorry you had to go through that!
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I was always forced to hug and even allow people to kiss me. It made me feel like I was supposed to let people do it and didn't have a say/was always supposed to be "polite", which led to a lot of bad moments with men later on in life.
So sorry, friend. I understand and was the same. XOXO
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When my children were little, we explained they didn't have to hug or kiss people, it was their choice. If they didn't want to engage in that way, I'd suggest other things, like waving, or blowing a kiss, or a high five. Sometimes things got really silly, like blowing a kiss from the corner of the mouth, whilst standing on one leg. :o) Adults and children found it fun.
We live in a tropical climate. I don't wanna be touching someone when we're both sweaty AF. We first bump.
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I'm so glad that whole "you better give Auntie Bertha a kiss right now!" phase of my life is over. I'm 45 years old and I can remember how many times my Mom MADE me hug people or sit on people's laps, when I didn't want to. And I was told I was being rude if I didn't comply too. For some reason THAT generation doesn't or didn't take no for an answer so I raised my 3 kids [26+19+7] to have complete rights over their bodies. And I don't let anyone near my youngest, who is Autistic. Heck, even his older sister asks BEFORE she hugs him. And when he says no, she respects....
I have autism too, and my parents knew that and STILL made me hug people “because it’s rude not to.” Hugs have always made me uncomfortable, and because I was not allowed to set boundaries as a kid, I now have to do it as an adult and hope they don’t get offended or confused since I’ve been hugging people for my entire life. Feelings will be hurt no matter what I say. It would have been much easier if I could’ve set boundaries as a kid.
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The way the world is today you had best be teaching kids how to handle themselves. You don't want them blindly doing things that could one day land their picture on the front page of the paper because they went missing. Not accepting a hug showed she wasn't comfortable with it. That would have raised a red flag with me. Dude would have been picking up his teeth after the comments he made. He honestly sounds like he should probably be on a registered sex offenders list somewhere. Momma and her daughter made the right move on this one.
Holy christ. This should never have been an issue. If someone pulled that kind of c**p with my daughters they'd have more to deal with than a no-contact order..
If anyone tried that with my daughter or tried to force it, they’d be introduced to my temper and my fist. I don’t care if they’re family, you don’t do that to ANYONE
My grandmother was widowed very young and had a succession of gentlemen friends. When I was about 5, she was seeing someone we were told to call "Uncle Bill." Looking back, he was an absolute creep. He didn't even live with my grandmother, but every time we saw him he insisted on hugging and squeezing, and he had slobbery wet lips, and I remember him leaving wet patches on my face when he kissed. It was always a 'joke,' he'd aim for your cheek and "whoops, I missed and got your lips!" My aunt still lived at home, she was much younger than my mother, and she had trouble fighting him off-he had wandering hands, but grandma wouldn't believe us. He died suddenly of a heart attack a couple years after he'd started seeing grandma, and all of us were relieved. My siblings brought their own kids up with the same ideals as this mother-forcing your child to hug or kiss someone against their wishes isn't appropriate, regardless of age.
I cut off contact with most of my family more than 15 years ago. It bothers me at times. However, I know I did the right thing for me.
It is freeing, isn't it? I haven't talked to my 2 sisters in over 20 years. Our mom is now 95 & we she passes, I probably won't speak to my 4 brothers. I battle mental illness, which was aserbated by a deadly wildfire that took everything my hubby & I owned. We both now battle severe PTSD & some physical illnesses. They don't "get it". The fire's been out for 4 years, surely we should "be over that"!!! No, cause it wasn't just our home/belongings...it was our safety, security, comfort, well-being. We loved where we lived!! We had found our "last home"...we'd leave only by coroner. Whatever years we had left were going to be lived right there. We stuck round the area for my mom. But once all the estate stuff is finalized...we're leaving. We want to find our next "forever home". Try to catch the feeling we had about where we lived prior to November 8, 2018.
Load More Replies... When my grandma came to visit my family recently, I told her I wasn't comfortable being hugged by her. The day after that, she hugged me without my consent. I ran away from her, I guess she thought I was being playful or whatever, she chased me down and hugged me and I did not feel at all comfortable with her hugging me, and my dad said I was being a brat for not hugging her even thought it made me really uncomfortable to be hugged by her. She didn't listen and it made me feel terrible. I'm so glad that this parent is making sure that their daughter knows that she is allowed to say no. I learned that family had to respect my boundaries from school. We watched a video in health class about consent and it was only then that I realized that family had to respect my consent. I feel so sad that I put up with 13 years of things that made me feel so uncomfortable because my parents didn't tell me I was allowed to say no to my family's affection.
Your dad's reaction is the worst part of this. You were not being a brat, you were setting boundaries and your grandmother refused to accept them.
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My father is forcing me to give him hugs and manipulating me into doing so by claiming that he will only do x if I hug him. Good on you for enforcing such rules for your daughter!
Perhaps ask him why he feels the need to emotionally manipulate you.
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Seriously, BP? Change "getting raped" to "getting assaulted"? This censorship is growing more and more ridiculous. FWIW, I stopped reading after this bullshít edit, made this comment and will be closing BP for now and read the rest on reddit where it's not so bullshíttily redacted. So long.
I ask my younger relatives, including my grandchildren and any other young children I meet regularly (so know well and am fond of) "do you want a hug today?". From the start I've told them: "if you don't want a hug, I won't be upset, YOU get to decide who hugs or kisses you and when". I've also taught them that just because they want a hug today doesn't mean anyone has a right to a hug tomorrow. My young little relatives and friends are all very comfortable saying "not today", or "not now" when they don't feel like a hug or a kiss and that makes me very happy. Any young children I do not know well get a hand shake just like the adults. I was one of those children forced to kiss relatives I didn't want to kiss. And I hated it.
As someone with autism and sensory issues, i had several years of not wanting to be hugged and had hugs forced upon me by my sister. Not fun. You should never be forced to do such a thing... and that guy is probably on a list somewhere.
My mother was sexually abused as a child and has always had a problem with physical affection. We were raised to understand that if we didn't want to hug someone, we didn't have to. We were never forced to hug anyone no matter who it was. As a result, we have grown into independent women that know our boundaries and don't let anyone cross them.
I introduced this idea to my parents when my eldest was a baby so they has time to mull it over before it became something they had to deal with. Weirdly my mum thought it was "a bit over the top" but my dad,who's in his mid 70s, completely agreed with it straight away, totally understood it.
60 years ago, we went to the doctor who, at the conclusion of the exam, asked for a kiss. I looked at my mother and asked her if I had to. She said no. I told him no. I was 6. Sad that anyone has to go through this. All my best
Your DOCTOR asked for a KISS?!?!? What's wrong with popdicles or lolipops? Or stickers?
Load More Replies... That's exactly how I raised my kids, and yeah, it caused rifts. Guess what? If you are that emphatic that you HAVE to hug or kiss my kid, YOU are the problem!! Girlllll!!! Be proud, im.so proud of you. That middle aged male family member is the issue. And his comment made my stomach turn. Waayyy to many red flags.
You are an amazing mother! My mom is the exact opposite, she makes me hug people despite my discomfort. I'm sure your daughter will grow up to be a good person who has and respects boundaries!
I don't know how old you are, but now is the time for you to set your own boundaries. Don't let your mom make you do something that you are not comfortable doing.
Load More Replies... OP gets it. Young kids need to be taught they are in charge of their body and can decide for themselves who they want to hug. It's really important to help kids enforce their boundaries, too. OP is doing an amazing job!
That's weird af. My stepdaughter has an 18 month old. Sometimes I get a hug, sometimes I don't... it doesn't mean anything other than if she wants a hug or not based on what's going on/how she feels... what kind of creep want to force physical contact on anyone, child or not?
Family or not, boundaries are boundaries!!! That male relative needs a kick in the nuts for forcing the issue, in fact, the whole family needs a kick in the nether regions just for being anti-vax and almost damn near endangering the child! Mum did good here, no question about it.
It sounds like somebody should check his computers for inappropriate depictions of children.
As someone who hates hugs end ends up standing still and maybe awkwardly clapping backs: Thank you
We are living in a hugging society. I have always been a non-hugger, especially as a child. Because of this I have become a pariah to my husband's family. Hugging makes me feel trapped and smothered and I feel uncomfortable and nervous for sometimes hours later. Recently I lost my mother, I feel like I'm being violated and assaulted constantly everyone who knows feels the need to hug, it's always and uncomfortable and it only helps them, not me. IfI say "no thank you". I'm made to feel like a horrible ice queen and shunned. I'm in my 40s and can't stand up to that kind of pressure, how does a child feel?
Not just your own kids - when a friend or relative tries to force their kid to hug you or kiss you when they don't want to, stand up for them, too! Say "No, s/he doesn't want that and it's their body, so they should never have to do anything with it that makes them uncomfortable." Help their parents get it and even if their parents won't, help plant that idea in their brains so it'll take hold better when they hear it again!
If you’re uncomfortable saying that, maybe look at the child and say, “Hold on. Would you like a hug or a wave?” That won’t offend or hurt any parent who is well intentioned and it models a way of setting boundaries
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I feel comfort reading all the comments here. I felt normal not wanting a hug. I finally felt that there are people like me too who dont want it and it doesnt make me a bad person. I thought something is wrong with me for not wanting a hug and for not wanting to kiss. When i was a kid, I was forced to do those even If I dont want to and I was punished if I dont do it.
Amazing mom. She did exactly the right thing. I taught my own kids the same. My youngest didn't like hugging anyone when she was little and I told her it was her body and her choice. After that, she would hug those who she was comfortable with. But only a few.
It's always interesting to me how something bad can happen to someone, especially as a child, and different people can internalize it in such different ways: "this happened to me, it was horrible and my kids will never have to go through that if I can help it," or "this happened to me, I turned out all right/it's the way things are supposed to be/it's not fair if I can't do it to you too." OP 100% did the right thing
Absolutely. I don't have kids but I have always been very clear to my nieces and nephews that their bodies belong to them. If they don't want to hug or be tickled, or kiss me goodbye, it is okay to say no. I will never pinch cheeks either. I hated that so much as a kid.
Only about 7% of all sexual assaults on young children are committed by strangers. The other 93% are done by relatives, family friends, and neighbours. A relative who *demands* a hug from a small child is definitely one to avoid like the plague and keep a close eye on.
I wish my parents didn't force me to hug relatives. Most I wanted to hug anyways but some I did not. I'm just not a big touchy feely person and I never have been.
I so support this trend in parenting. I remember getting brushed off when I told my mum I didn't want a particular relative to hug me "Put your hand out for a handshake instead." Is not supportive when your daughter is uncomfortable because the scary male relative all the kids avoid suddenly starts wanting to hug her at age 10. Don't socialise girls to place politeness and avoiding hurt feelings above their own safety and boundries.
That's a great mom! My parents never forced me to hug anyone I didn't want to, but I was never aware I was *allowed* to say no until about high school. I'm 26 now and I often still feel like it would be rude to say no, especially if it's someone I've always hugged in the past, so I just suck it up and deal. But my mom is very aware of my issues with physical contact now and tells people I don't like to be touched or hugged without warning or consent and she herself now always *asks* if it's ok before she hugs me. Even my own mother knows she's not entitled to hug me just because she's my mother. I'm so glad this little girl's mom stood up for her boundaries and I hope the little girl never wavers, and continues to enforce them whenever she feels like it, rather than suck it up like me just so she doesn't offend anyone. If you *force* a child to hug you instead of accepting their "no", you're the problem.
Seriously, that family member of yours sounds like huge creep, keep his away from children! Who throws a tantrum over hug? And why the hell should kid give him hug if she don't want to? My family was never into hugs, we just shake hands. But some of our relatives did hug and kiss and when they celebrated birthday and I didn't hug them, they were baffled.
Add to this the fact that most of the time when kids get molested it's an extended family member who does it... Yeah she's absolute right to tell her family to F off if her daughter doesn't want to hug them.
My kids grew up high fiving their grandfather because I didn't want them to have to hug anyone unless they wanted to. My FIL respected that and offered a high five instead. They would let him high five, and as they grew up it just continued. Good for the OP for standing up for her kids rights to control their own body.
Honestly how immature of him. I constantly ask especially children family or not is it ok if I have a hug. We have a lot of family members and friends with kids and I think it's very important that everyone feels safe and everyone child or not has a right to their own personal space. You are amazing for sticking up for your daughter! If I was the family hosting that celebration I would have kicked him out even if he was my family and told him he needed to respect boundaries. Thank goodness there are parents like you who show children they have rights too especially when it comes to their boundaries.
Whenever I see young kids, I would just simply say hi, or wave at them (sometimes, I do what's called an "aerosol" wave, where I use my forefinger and pretend like I'm squeezing an aerosol spray; comes in handy when one has hands full). I DON'T force kids to hug, especially if they don't want to! I have a little great-niece who's autistic and doesn't like hugs really. One day, I saw her at a family funeral with her mom (my niece) and grandmother (my sister). She came up to me and gave me a hug, then walked away. That was one of the sweetest hugs I've ever received, and I didn't even ask for, or expected one from her! Parents, and grandparents, have the right, and duty, to protect their little ones! That includes from unwanted touching, hugging, kissing, etc. If they DON'T want it, DON'T force them to! If they say NO, accept that answer and move on! Uncle should've known better, and he shouldn't have gotten mad at his sister for trying to protect her child! NTA, OP!!
Good for You....Sounds Like Uncle is A Pervert....I would cut off All Contact with Him!
Mega sus if a grown adult is flipping out so much over a child saying "no" to being hugged or kissed. That is an enormous, shiny red flag. Children have and deserve bodily autonomy, and kudos to you for teaching your child that!
Since having to grow up at a young age, I despise hugs unless I'm comfortable giving one. When I was little, I would be at church giving hugs to friends, mostly the girls/women, but asked. Since my great grandma is still alive, will be 96 next year, she has constantly forced all of us, me, my mom, siblings and sometimes dad and we all hated and still hate it. My dad does it too but not to that extent. He's slowly learning even though he's an overt narcissist. Consent is a big thing. My mom saw a TikTok the other day where this woman who was making art about hugging said that she wasn't a hugger, she got some really bad backlash about it. People just need to learn to respect others for their boundaries, especially if they say no. People that try to force others to hug, as the uncle put it, and I don't like it unless it's necessary, 'go f*ck yourself'. Or go to hell.
Why would anyone willingly expose their children to anti-intellectuals? Good for her standing her ground, but even going to visit is bizarre, to me.
We had an uncle that always wanted the kids to sit on his lap. And he got off on watching and feeling all the girls squirm trying to get away from him. You are absolutely right and absolutely a great mom for enforcing your boundaries
id go nc with anyone who was that angry just because they couldnt hug a child, not saying the guy was a pedo , but why react like that?
It's not just about the fear of freaks who might molest them. All of us just have different ideas about personal space. As a teacher, I've had kids in my class who like to practically sit in someone's lap, and other kids who are idgy when someone gets too close to them. One of my class "jobs" is "caboose", which means they are always the last person in line when we go in or out. It keeps them from fighting over who stands at the end of the line, since that can happen, but it's also a good alternative for kids who need a wide berth from others at times. Every year there are a few kids who will pick caboose, even over being line leader or calendar helper. They just aren't crazy about being squished in with everyone else all day and would rather be in the back, and I'm glad they feel comfortable enough to choose that for themselves. Forcing kids to ignore their feelings about personal space is just stupid.
I wish my parents had this rule for me growing up. I’ve never really liked hugs, and grew up pressured to hug family, friends, people at church, my cousins’ aunts and uncles on the other sides of their families, etc. I was taught that it was rude to refuse. Now I have to figure out the least upsetting ways to tell everyone in my life not to hug me. Feelings will get hurt no matter how I go about this. It would have been much easier if I were allowed to set those boundaries from day 1.
As a teacher and a parent, THANK YOU for teaching your child(ren) these boundaries!!! Right before school got out for the holiday break, a child wanted to hug a classmate in my room and then proceeded to tattle to me when the child did not wish to be hugged. (I teach second grade - 7/8 year olds) I gently informed the child that people do not have to receive or give affection or physical contact if they do not want to. I explained in a more child friendly manner, but that was the gist. By then, the conversation had caught the attention of most of the class, resulting in many looks of confusion, some of relief. It became a teachable moment for all of the children. I've wondered if I unknowingly created any family drama over the holidays if any of my littles refused to hug ____ relative. I hope so - not to have created drama, but to have helped them learn a very important life lesson. Thank you for posting OP!
"She's not gonna get assaulted right now."?!?!??!!!!!!! Major red flag, major douchebag, keep such wastes of genetic material far away from yourselves and loved ones people. This kind of behaviour is unacceptable to say the least, I would talk to the police to keep an eye on such an individual. Also a f****d up saying in my country goes like this: "the woman must be a lady in society, a housewife at home and a whore in bed". Atrocious ofc, but it reflects the general population attitude towards women, including, ironically, women themselves, who pass on to their daughters and sons this type of rhetoric, that women are just commodities, not beings. So this mom is a hero, not only for her own kid but for so many people out there.
Statistically, young children are most likely to get assaulted and abused by someone they know: a family friend, caretaker or yes, a relative. And sad as it is, it often starts with children as young as 5. So you really should be f***ing proud, you’ve done the right thing, and you’ve done the thing a lot of parents can’t bring themselves to do
Yeaaah I got touched and inapropriatelly asked by older boy of our family friends when I was around 10.nobody from my family did anything even when I told them. And that mf tried to date mě later in life. Set the boundaries early
Thank you mum. I wish my mother had set - and allowed me - to have boundaries like this. She did not and her brother was a massive creep who, well, you can fill in the blanks. If only ALL children should be so lucky as to be taught to say NO to adults. Even "trusted" ones. Bravo, mum.
Right from the time my daughter was born we (my then wife and I) agreed that she would have a say in who could or couldn’t hug or touch her. She’s never abused her position by denying a Grandparent a hug just to be contrary or cause a scene, she’s always known that boundaries are set for reason and that her body is hers alone and no one gets to tell her otherwise. She’s a super affectionate person and loves hugging family and friends but if you demand one I can tell you that she will regard you with a suspicious eye. Luckily after 12 years I’m still on her hug list 😀
I honestly find it extremely infuriating, stuff like this. WHY ARE YOU FORCING THE CHILD TO KISS OR HUG?!!! THEY HAVE BOUNDARIES!!!
I'm really glad that new parents nowadays are much more outspoken about this. I hated having to kiss all my aunts and uncles every meeting, some who where practically strangers to me, and still kissing them on the lips was common? Slightly disturbing. I'm still hoping for the kissing on cheeks between adults to die out as well,can't inagine anyone liking that too. I always ask my nephews en nieces if they want a high five or a cuddle, or just wave 'hi'.
As a boy...aged 4 - 10...we went to see one side of the family only on Thanksgiving. Small house, packed living room immediately on entering. I had to pass thru a gauntlet of older male relatives who each would tickle me. Felt even more small. Seemed....that's what you put up with. No straying hands south of the border at least that I recall. Have told that inner boy that it just wasn't right. Mom and Dad were certainly oblivious. But that was just life, too.
I remember my grandma didn't want me to kiss her because in her childhood she was forced to kiss all her old aunts and she was disgusted with their old skin. Then I kept kissing her out of spite! And because I loved her so much.. :)
Craziness and can't believe he said what he said about her being assaulted, watch him around your child. Disgusting
Growing up, i never liked my brother's hug. He would never molest me or make weird comments (at least not in *that* type of way). But i never felt i could say something. My parents would have understood if I had refused (i almost never did, i liked hugging them), and I wish more people would understand. And also wish more would know that sometimes tight hugs are really uncomfortable too. Especially if you're muscley or bony (and no, don't need be skinny for either to happen) or not. Whether that's the hugger or the reciever. Well done, OP. For sticking up for your daughter.
When I was a kid my cousin literally bit me because I didn’t want to give them a hug. My family just laughed and said it was my own fault. And there was the start of a lifelong pressure to comply with any physical contact forced onto me in order to avoid even worse consequences
His comment about "right now" is the epitome of grooming -- get her used to his touching her, hugging her, taking what he wants from her, ignoring her agency and her boundaries, which I think is emotional abuse, as well as a form of physical abuse, until things escalate to sexual abuse. Good that the girl's mother stood up to her relative.
This is a Dutch kid's game. Give grandma a kiss. https://www.bol.com/nl/nl/p/geef-oma-een-kus-kinderspel/9300000002862508/?Referrer=ADVNLGOO002027-G-137003293159-S-1671546004481-9300000002862508&gclid=CjwKCAiAqaWdBhAvEiwAGAQltrYdOium4ZcH8x0LtFvMmvNNeAflEM_WYSoEeaxLFssg6iM-LXotBxoCt30QAvD_BwE
Hmm.. Seems that a lot of people are jumping into conclusion that the guy is creepy. Maybe he was, I don't know but I'd like to offer a culturally different explanation. I'm French and in France we hug and kiss familly members, it's a thing. It shows warmth, respect and trust and it's the ciment of our familly lives. I get that everyone's body is their own but if parents let children just rebuke anything they don't like or let them think that it's fine to not feel like, it's a pretty slippery slope in terms of education. A little hug never killed anyone and you can still teach your kids that they should not follow any adult, familly included, to any secluded place on their own and that any other form of touching wouldn't be appropriate, that would, in my view, be more productive. That's how I raised my kids, they've not been traumatized, as far as I know, and they manage to show warmth AND boundaries. The m
I think it’s true that families who have experienced the trauma of childhood abuse do know what they’re talking about and react swiftly as a means to prevention. On the other hand… his reaction to the situation could very well have been that he felt insulted that he would be lumped in with abusers over a simple greeting hug. I can think of times when my intentions were grossly misunderstood. Example: public one-sink restroom behind a mom slowly &gingerly assisting her child to thoroughly wash her hands. Me trying to be patient. I’m not crowding them. Just standing. The little one says she’s scared of me. Mom looks at me. I (sorry) roll my eyes while I walk out & wash my hands in the drinking fountain. There aught to be a better way to rank abusers but people like to keep it simple. I was no threat to that child. There’s a good chance the relative wasn’t a threat, either. Most are agreeing with mom but maybe mom oversold her fear. A compromise may be in order? Quick hug w mom present?
A quick hug with mother present still misses the point. “Let’s wave” or “Let’s show Uncle how we’re learning to shake hands” is better
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How is that her job? He's a grown man, and should know better. HER job is to teach her daughter that her boundaries are to be respected, and not overruled by others.
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It sounds like there wasn't time to talk to her daughter about another type of greeting. Uncle went from 0-100 and his reaction is concerning. Mom is right, Uncle is wrong. Mom should be able to bring her daughter to see relatives without them being creepy. Just because different cultures use different greetings does NOT mean that a child being taught to respect herself needs to avoid by them. Too often children, especially girls, don't feel like their bodies are their own because of compulsory physical contact. That makes it MUCH easier for them to be groomed and molested.
Load More Replies... Shut up. Shut the f**k up. All this "children should respect their elders" is f*****g b******t and you can shove it up your s****y a*****e. Children do not owe ANYONE their bodies. F**k old people and their feelings. Respect is earned not just thrown around. There is nothing wrong with teaching your children boundaries and that not all adults have pure intentions with them. You're f*****g f****d in the head. Take some meds and lets hipe you never have kids. F**k you🖕🏾
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Yep, a child not wanting to hug someone at the moment means they don't love that person. You are absolutely, spot on correct! Have a cookie James🍪
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No, this sort of thing really does happen. There are many older family members who think they have the right to demand hugs, kisses and cuddles from children.
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So if some grown adult told a five year old to harm themselves, harm someone else, or do something in a sexual manner, they would have no right to refuse that? Let's hope you never have kids.
Load More Replies... Anyone who gets THAT upset about not being allowed to hug or kiss a child should probably be on some kind of gocernment watch list. Seriously wtf
Yeah, if it was me I would have also asked him why he needs to FORCE a child into hugging him. WTF exactly!
Load More Replies... We somehow magically socialize women to simultaneously be responsible to prevent sexual assault, responsible for the feelings and needs of men (in particular, but others and general) and to somehow blame themselves when they can't do both. This starts by teaching all little children that their body is not theirs. That no doesn't mean no of I'm bigger or more important or *really* need it... Good for you OP, I wish I'd done a better job of this when my child was small (I managed some)
Going to cry. My family's reaction was to just wait until the man died spoiler 3 generations including me were assaulted. Whatever your discomfort of calling this out is nothing to when you have to answer your own hurt child as to why you let this go on another generation
I 'm really sorry you had to go through that!
Load More Replies... I was always forced to hug and even allow people to kiss me. It made me feel like I was supposed to let people do it and didn't have a say/was always supposed to be "polite", which led to a lot of bad moments with men later on in life.
So sorry, friend. I understand and was the same. XOXO
Load More Replies... When my children were little, we explained they didn't have to hug or kiss people, it was their choice. If they didn't want to engage in that way, I'd suggest other things, like waving, or blowing a kiss, or a high five. Sometimes things got really silly, like blowing a kiss from the corner of the mouth, whilst standing on one leg. :o) Adults and children found it fun.
We live in a tropical climate. I don't wanna be touching someone when we're both sweaty AF. We first bump.
Load More Replies... I'm so glad that whole "you better give Auntie Bertha a kiss right now!" phase of my life is over. I'm 45 years old and I can remember how many times my Mom MADE me hug people or sit on people's laps, when I didn't want to. And I was told I was being rude if I didn't comply too. For some reason THAT generation doesn't or didn't take no for an answer so I raised my 3 kids [26+19+7] to have complete rights over their bodies. And I don't let anyone near my youngest, who is Autistic. Heck, even his older sister asks BEFORE she hugs him. And when he says no, she respects....
I have autism too, and my parents knew that and STILL made me hug people “because it’s rude not to.” Hugs have always made me uncomfortable, and because I was not allowed to set boundaries as a kid, I now have to do it as an adult and hope they don’t get offended or confused since I’ve been hugging people for my entire life. Feelings will be hurt no matter what I say. It would have been much easier if I could’ve set boundaries as a kid.
Load More Replies... The way the world is today you had best be teaching kids how to handle themselves. You don't want them blindly doing things that could one day land their picture on the front page of the paper because they went missing. Not accepting a hug showed she wasn't comfortable with it. That would have raised a red flag with me. Dude would have been picking up his teeth after the comments he made. He honestly sounds like he should probably be on a registered sex offenders list somewhere. Momma and her daughter made the right move on this one.
Holy christ. This should never have been an issue. If someone pulled that kind of c**p with my daughters they'd have more to deal with than a no-contact order..
If anyone tried that with my daughter or tried to force it, they’d be introduced to my temper and my fist. I don’t care if they’re family, you don’t do that to ANYONE
My grandmother was widowed very young and had a succession of gentlemen friends. When I was about 5, she was seeing someone we were told to call "Uncle Bill." Looking back, he was an absolute creep. He didn't even live with my grandmother, but every time we saw him he insisted on hugging and squeezing, and he had slobbery wet lips, and I remember him leaving wet patches on my face when he kissed. It was always a 'joke,' he'd aim for your cheek and "whoops, I missed and got your lips!" My aunt still lived at home, she was much younger than my mother, and she had trouble fighting him off-he had wandering hands, but grandma wouldn't believe us. He died suddenly of a heart attack a couple years after he'd started seeing grandma, and all of us were relieved. My siblings brought their own kids up with the same ideals as this mother-forcing your child to hug or kiss someone against their wishes isn't appropriate, regardless of age.
I cut off contact with most of my family more than 15 years ago. It bothers me at times. However, I know I did the right thing for me.
It is freeing, isn't it? I haven't talked to my 2 sisters in over 20 years. Our mom is now 95 & we she passes, I probably won't speak to my 4 brothers. I battle mental illness, which was aserbated by a deadly wildfire that took everything my hubby & I owned. We both now battle severe PTSD & some physical illnesses. They don't "get it". The fire's been out for 4 years, surely we should "be over that"!!! No, cause it wasn't just our home/belongings...it was our safety, security, comfort, well-being. We loved where we lived!! We had found our "last home"...we'd leave only by coroner. Whatever years we had left were going to be lived right there. We stuck round the area for my mom. But once all the estate stuff is finalized...we're leaving. We want to find our next "forever home". Try to catch the feeling we had about where we lived prior to November 8, 2018.
Load More Replies... When my grandma came to visit my family recently, I told her I wasn't comfortable being hugged by her. The day after that, she hugged me without my consent. I ran away from her, I guess she thought I was being playful or whatever, she chased me down and hugged me and I did not feel at all comfortable with her hugging me, and my dad said I was being a brat for not hugging her even thought it made me really uncomfortable to be hugged by her. She didn't listen and it made me feel terrible. I'm so glad that this parent is making sure that their daughter knows that she is allowed to say no. I learned that family had to respect my boundaries from school. We watched a video in health class about consent and it was only then that I realized that family had to respect my consent. I feel so sad that I put up with 13 years of things that made me feel so uncomfortable because my parents didn't tell me I was allowed to say no to my family's affection.
Your dad's reaction is the worst part of this. You were not being a brat, you were setting boundaries and your grandmother refused to accept them.
Load More Replies... My father is forcing me to give him hugs and manipulating me into doing so by claiming that he will only do x if I hug him. Good on you for enforcing such rules for your daughter!
Perhaps ask him why he feels the need to emotionally manipulate you.
Load More Replies... Seriously, BP? Change "getting raped" to "getting assaulted"? This censorship is growing more and more ridiculous. FWIW, I stopped reading after this bullshít edit, made this comment and will be closing BP for now and read the rest on reddit where it's not so bullshíttily redacted. So long.
I ask my younger relatives, including my grandchildren and any other young children I meet regularly (so know well and am fond of) "do you want a hug today?". From the start I've told them: "if you don't want a hug, I won't be upset, YOU get to decide who hugs or kisses you and when". I've also taught them that just because they want a hug today doesn't mean anyone has a right to a hug tomorrow. My young little relatives and friends are all very comfortable saying "not today", or "not now" when they don't feel like a hug or a kiss and that makes me very happy. Any young children I do not know well get a hand shake just like the adults. I was one of those children forced to kiss relatives I didn't want to kiss. And I hated it.
As someone with autism and sensory issues, i had several years of not wanting to be hugged and had hugs forced upon me by my sister. Not fun. You should never be forced to do such a thing... and that guy is probably on a list somewhere.
My mother was sexually abused as a child and has always had a problem with physical affection. We were raised to understand that if we didn't want to hug someone, we didn't have to. We were never forced to hug anyone no matter who it was. As a result, we have grown into independent women that know our boundaries and don't let anyone cross them.
I introduced this idea to my parents when my eldest was a baby so they has time to mull it over before it became something they had to deal with. Weirdly my mum thought it was "a bit over the top" but my dad,who's in his mid 70s, completely agreed with it straight away, totally understood it.
60 years ago, we went to the doctor who, at the conclusion of the exam, asked for a kiss. I looked at my mother and asked her if I had to. She said no. I told him no. I was 6. Sad that anyone has to go through this. All my best
Your DOCTOR asked for a KISS?!?!? What's wrong with popdicles or lolipops? Or stickers?
Load More Replies... That's exactly how I raised my kids, and yeah, it caused rifts. Guess what? If you are that emphatic that you HAVE to hug or kiss my kid, YOU are the problem!! Girlllll!!! Be proud, im.so proud of you. That middle aged male family member is the issue. And his comment made my stomach turn. Waayyy to many red flags.
You are an amazing mother! My mom is the exact opposite, she makes me hug people despite my discomfort. I'm sure your daughter will grow up to be a good person who has and respects boundaries!
I don't know how old you are, but now is the time for you to set your own boundaries. Don't let your mom make you do something that you are not comfortable doing.
Load More Replies... OP gets it. Young kids need to be taught they are in charge of their body and can decide for themselves who they want to hug. It's really important to help kids enforce their boundaries, too. OP is doing an amazing job!
That's weird af. My stepdaughter has an 18 month old. Sometimes I get a hug, sometimes I don't... it doesn't mean anything other than if she wants a hug or not based on what's going on/how she feels... what kind of creep want to force physical contact on anyone, child or not?
Family or not, boundaries are boundaries!!! That male relative needs a kick in the nuts for forcing the issue, in fact, the whole family needs a kick in the nether regions just for being anti-vax and almost damn near endangering the child! Mum did good here, no question about it.
It sounds like somebody should check his computers for inappropriate depictions of children.
As someone who hates hugs end ends up standing still and maybe awkwardly clapping backs: Thank you
We are living in a hugging society. I have always been a non-hugger, especially as a child. Because of this I have become a pariah to my husband's family. Hugging makes me feel trapped and smothered and I feel uncomfortable and nervous for sometimes hours later. Recently I lost my mother, I feel like I'm being violated and assaulted constantly everyone who knows feels the need to hug, it's always and uncomfortable and it only helps them, not me. IfI say "no thank you". I'm made to feel like a horrible ice queen and shunned. I'm in my 40s and can't stand up to that kind of pressure, how does a child feel?
Not just your own kids - when a friend or relative tries to force their kid to hug you or kiss you when they don't want to, stand up for them, too! Say "No, s/he doesn't want that and it's their body, so they should never have to do anything with it that makes them uncomfortable." Help their parents get it and even if their parents won't, help plant that idea in their brains so it'll take hold better when they hear it again!
If you’re uncomfortable saying that, maybe look at the child and say, “Hold on. Would you like a hug or a wave?” That won’t offend or hurt any parent who is well intentioned and it models a way of setting boundaries
Load More Replies... I feel comfort reading all the comments here. I felt normal not wanting a hug. I finally felt that there are people like me too who dont want it and it doesnt make me a bad person. I thought something is wrong with me for not wanting a hug and for not wanting to kiss. When i was a kid, I was forced to do those even If I dont want to and I was punished if I dont do it.
Amazing mom. She did exactly the right thing. I taught my own kids the same. My youngest didn't like hugging anyone when she was little and I told her it was her body and her choice. After that, she would hug those who she was comfortable with. But only a few.
It's always interesting to me how something bad can happen to someone, especially as a child, and different people can internalize it in such different ways: "this happened to me, it was horrible and my kids will never have to go through that if I can help it," or "this happened to me, I turned out all right/it's the way things are supposed to be/it's not fair if I can't do it to you too." OP 100% did the right thing
Absolutely. I don't have kids but I have always been very clear to my nieces and nephews that their bodies belong to them. If they don't want to hug or be tickled, or kiss me goodbye, it is okay to say no. I will never pinch cheeks either. I hated that so much as a kid.
Only about 7% of all sexual assaults on young children are committed by strangers. The other 93% are done by relatives, family friends, and neighbours. A relative who *demands* a hug from a small child is definitely one to avoid like the plague and keep a close eye on.
I wish my parents didn't force me to hug relatives. Most I wanted to hug anyways but some I did not. I'm just not a big touchy feely person and I never have been.
I so support this trend in parenting. I remember getting brushed off when I told my mum I didn't want a particular relative to hug me "Put your hand out for a handshake instead." Is not supportive when your daughter is uncomfortable because the scary male relative all the kids avoid suddenly starts wanting to hug her at age 10. Don't socialise girls to place politeness and avoiding hurt feelings above their own safety and boundries.
That's a great mom! My parents never forced me to hug anyone I didn't want to, but I was never aware I was *allowed* to say no until about high school. I'm 26 now and I often still feel like it would be rude to say no, especially if it's someone I've always hugged in the past, so I just suck it up and deal. But my mom is very aware of my issues with physical contact now and tells people I don't like to be touched or hugged without warning or consent and she herself now always *asks* if it's ok before she hugs me. Even my own mother knows she's not entitled to hug me just because she's my mother. I'm so glad this little girl's mom stood up for her boundaries and I hope the little girl never wavers, and continues to enforce them whenever she feels like it, rather than suck it up like me just so she doesn't offend anyone. If you *force* a child to hug you instead of accepting their "no", you're the problem.
Seriously, that family member of yours sounds like huge creep, keep his away from children! Who throws a tantrum over hug? And why the hell should kid give him hug if she don't want to? My family was never into hugs, we just shake hands. But some of our relatives did hug and kiss and when they celebrated birthday and I didn't hug them, they were baffled.
Add to this the fact that most of the time when kids get molested it's an extended family member who does it... Yeah she's absolute right to tell her family to F off if her daughter doesn't want to hug them.
My kids grew up high fiving their grandfather because I didn't want them to have to hug anyone unless they wanted to. My FIL respected that and offered a high five instead. They would let him high five, and as they grew up it just continued. Good for the OP for standing up for her kids rights to control their own body.
Honestly how immature of him. I constantly ask especially children family or not is it ok if I have a hug. We have a lot of family members and friends with kids and I think it's very important that everyone feels safe and everyone child or not has a right to their own personal space. You are amazing for sticking up for your daughter! If I was the family hosting that celebration I would have kicked him out even if he was my family and told him he needed to respect boundaries. Thank goodness there are parents like you who show children they have rights too especially when it comes to their boundaries.
Whenever I see young kids, I would just simply say hi, or wave at them (sometimes, I do what's called an "aerosol" wave, where I use my forefinger and pretend like I'm squeezing an aerosol spray; comes in handy when one has hands full). I DON'T force kids to hug, especially if they don't want to! I have a little great-niece who's autistic and doesn't like hugs really. One day, I saw her at a family funeral with her mom (my niece) and grandmother (my sister). She came up to me and gave me a hug, then walked away. That was one of the sweetest hugs I've ever received, and I didn't even ask for, or expected one from her! Parents, and grandparents, have the right, and duty, to protect their little ones! That includes from unwanted touching, hugging, kissing, etc. If they DON'T want it, DON'T force them to! If they say NO, accept that answer and move on! Uncle should've known better, and he shouldn't have gotten mad at his sister for trying to protect her child! NTA, OP!!
Good for You....Sounds Like Uncle is A Pervert....I would cut off All Contact with Him!
Mega sus if a grown adult is flipping out so much over a child saying "no" to being hugged or kissed. That is an enormous, shiny red flag. Children have and deserve bodily autonomy, and kudos to you for teaching your child that!
Since having to grow up at a young age, I despise hugs unless I'm comfortable giving one. When I was little, I would be at church giving hugs to friends, mostly the girls/women, but asked. Since my great grandma is still alive, will be 96 next year, she has constantly forced all of us, me, my mom, siblings and sometimes dad and we all hated and still hate it. My dad does it too but not to that extent. He's slowly learning even though he's an overt narcissist. Consent is a big thing. My mom saw a TikTok the other day where this woman who was making art about hugging said that she wasn't a hugger, she got some really bad backlash about it. People just need to learn to respect others for their boundaries, especially if they say no. People that try to force others to hug, as the uncle put it, and I don't like it unless it's necessary, 'go f*ck yourself'. Or go to hell.
Why would anyone willingly expose their children to anti-intellectuals? Good for her standing her ground, but even going to visit is bizarre, to me.
We had an uncle that always wanted the kids to sit on his lap. And he got off on watching and feeling all the girls squirm trying to get away from him. You are absolutely right and absolutely a great mom for enforcing your boundaries
id go nc with anyone who was that angry just because they couldnt hug a child, not saying the guy was a pedo , but why react like that?
It's not just about the fear of freaks who might molest them. All of us just have different ideas about personal space. As a teacher, I've had kids in my class who like to practically sit in someone's lap, and other kids who are idgy when someone gets too close to them. One of my class "jobs" is "caboose", which means they are always the last person in line when we go in or out. It keeps them from fighting over who stands at the end of the line, since that can happen, but it's also a good alternative for kids who need a wide berth from others at times. Every year there are a few kids who will pick caboose, even over being line leader or calendar helper. They just aren't crazy about being squished in with everyone else all day and would rather be in the back, and I'm glad they feel comfortable enough to choose that for themselves. Forcing kids to ignore their feelings about personal space is just stupid.
I wish my parents had this rule for me growing up. I’ve never really liked hugs, and grew up pressured to hug family, friends, people at church, my cousins’ aunts and uncles on the other sides of their families, etc. I was taught that it was rude to refuse. Now I have to figure out the least upsetting ways to tell everyone in my life not to hug me. Feelings will get hurt no matter how I go about this. It would have been much easier if I were allowed to set those boundaries from day 1.
As a teacher and a parent, THANK YOU for teaching your child(ren) these boundaries!!! Right before school got out for the holiday break, a child wanted to hug a classmate in my room and then proceeded to tattle to me when the child did not wish to be hugged. (I teach second grade - 7/8 year olds) I gently informed the child that people do not have to receive or give affection or physical contact if they do not want to. I explained in a more child friendly manner, but that was the gist. By then, the conversation had caught the attention of most of the class, resulting in many looks of confusion, some of relief. It became a teachable moment for all of the children. I've wondered if I unknowingly created any family drama over the holidays if any of my littles refused to hug ____ relative. I hope so - not to have created drama, but to have helped them learn a very important life lesson. Thank you for posting OP!
"She's not gonna get assaulted right now."?!?!??!!!!!!! Major red flag, major douchebag, keep such wastes of genetic material far away from yourselves and loved ones people. This kind of behaviour is unacceptable to say the least, I would talk to the police to keep an eye on such an individual. Also a f****d up saying in my country goes like this: "the woman must be a lady in society, a housewife at home and a whore in bed". Atrocious ofc, but it reflects the general population attitude towards women, including, ironically, women themselves, who pass on to their daughters and sons this type of rhetoric, that women are just commodities, not beings. So this mom is a hero, not only for her own kid but for so many people out there.
Statistically, young children are most likely to get assaulted and abused by someone they know: a family friend, caretaker or yes, a relative. And sad as it is, it often starts with children as young as 5. So you really should be f***ing proud, you’ve done the right thing, and you’ve done the thing a lot of parents can’t bring themselves to do
Yeaaah I got touched and inapropriatelly asked by older boy of our family friends when I was around 10.nobody from my family did anything even when I told them. And that mf tried to date mě later in life. Set the boundaries early
Thank you mum. I wish my mother had set - and allowed me - to have boundaries like this. She did not and her brother was a massive creep who, well, you can fill in the blanks. If only ALL children should be so lucky as to be taught to say NO to adults. Even "trusted" ones. Bravo, mum.
Right from the time my daughter was born we (my then wife and I) agreed that she would have a say in who could or couldn’t hug or touch her. She’s never abused her position by denying a Grandparent a hug just to be contrary or cause a scene, she’s always known that boundaries are set for reason and that her body is hers alone and no one gets to tell her otherwise. She’s a super affectionate person and loves hugging family and friends but if you demand one I can tell you that she will regard you with a suspicious eye. Luckily after 12 years I’m still on her hug list 😀
I honestly find it extremely infuriating, stuff like this. WHY ARE YOU FORCING THE CHILD TO KISS OR HUG?!!! THEY HAVE BOUNDARIES!!!
I'm really glad that new parents nowadays are much more outspoken about this. I hated having to kiss all my aunts and uncles every meeting, some who where practically strangers to me, and still kissing them on the lips was common? Slightly disturbing. I'm still hoping for the kissing on cheeks between adults to die out as well,can't inagine anyone liking that too. I always ask my nephews en nieces if they want a high five or a cuddle, or just wave 'hi'.
As a boy...aged 4 - 10...we went to see one side of the family only on Thanksgiving. Small house, packed living room immediately on entering. I had to pass thru a gauntlet of older male relatives who each would tickle me. Felt even more small. Seemed....that's what you put up with. No straying hands south of the border at least that I recall. Have told that inner boy that it just wasn't right. Mom and Dad were certainly oblivious. But that was just life, too.
I remember my grandma didn't want me to kiss her because in her childhood she was forced to kiss all her old aunts and she was disgusted with their old skin. Then I kept kissing her out of spite! And because I loved her so much.. :)
Craziness and can't believe he said what he said about her being assaulted, watch him around your child. Disgusting
Growing up, i never liked my brother's hug. He would never molest me or make weird comments (at least not in *that* type of way). But i never felt i could say something. My parents would have understood if I had refused (i almost never did, i liked hugging them), and I wish more people would understand. And also wish more would know that sometimes tight hugs are really uncomfortable too. Especially if you're muscley or bony (and no, don't need be skinny for either to happen) or not. Whether that's the hugger or the reciever. Well done, OP. For sticking up for your daughter.
When I was a kid my cousin literally bit me because I didn’t want to give them a hug. My family just laughed and said it was my own fault. And there was the start of a lifelong pressure to comply with any physical contact forced onto me in order to avoid even worse consequences
His comment about "right now" is the epitome of grooming -- get her used to his touching her, hugging her, taking what he wants from her, ignoring her agency and her boundaries, which I think is emotional abuse, as well as a form of physical abuse, until things escalate to sexual abuse. Good that the girl's mother stood up to her relative.
This is a Dutch kid's game. Give grandma a kiss. https://www.bol.com/nl/nl/p/geef-oma-een-kus-kinderspel/9300000002862508/?Referrer=ADVNLGOO002027-G-137003293159-S-1671546004481-9300000002862508&gclid=CjwKCAiAqaWdBhAvEiwAGAQltrYdOium4ZcH8x0LtFvMmvNNeAflEM_WYSoEeaxLFssg6iM-LXotBxoCt30QAvD_BwE
Hmm.. Seems that a lot of people are jumping into conclusion that the guy is creepy. Maybe he was, I don't know but I'd like to offer a culturally different explanation. I'm French and in France we hug and kiss familly members, it's a thing. It shows warmth, respect and trust and it's the ciment of our familly lives. I get that everyone's body is their own but if parents let children just rebuke anything they don't like or let them think that it's fine to not feel like, it's a pretty slippery slope in terms of education. A little hug never killed anyone and you can still teach your kids that they should not follow any adult, familly included, to any secluded place on their own and that any other form of touching wouldn't be appropriate, that would, in my view, be more productive. That's how I raised my kids, they've not been traumatized, as far as I know, and they manage to show warmth AND boundaries. The m
I think it’s true that families who have experienced the trauma of childhood abuse do know what they’re talking about and react swiftly as a means to prevention. On the other hand… his reaction to the situation could very well have been that he felt insulted that he would be lumped in with abusers over a simple greeting hug. I can think of times when my intentions were grossly misunderstood. Example: public one-sink restroom behind a mom slowly &gingerly assisting her child to thoroughly wash her hands. Me trying to be patient. I’m not crowding them. Just standing. The little one says she’s scared of me. Mom looks at me. I (sorry) roll my eyes while I walk out & wash my hands in the drinking fountain. There aught to be a better way to rank abusers but people like to keep it simple. I was no threat to that child. There’s a good chance the relative wasn’t a threat, either. Most are agreeing with mom but maybe mom oversold her fear. A compromise may be in order? Quick hug w mom present?
A quick hug with mother present still misses the point. “Let’s wave” or “Let’s show Uncle how we’re learning to shake hands” is better
Load More Replies... How is that her job? He's a grown man, and should know better. HER job is to teach her daughter that her boundaries are to be respected, and not overruled by others.
Load More Replies... It sounds like there wasn't time to talk to her daughter about another type of greeting. Uncle went from 0-100 and his reaction is concerning. Mom is right, Uncle is wrong. Mom should be able to bring her daughter to see relatives without them being creepy. Just because different cultures use different greetings does NOT mean that a child being taught to respect herself needs to avoid by them. Too often children, especially girls, don't feel like their bodies are their own because of compulsory physical contact. That makes it MUCH easier for them to be groomed and molested.
Load More Replies... Shut up. Shut the f**k up. All this "children should respect their elders" is f*****g b******t and you can shove it up your s****y a*****e. Children do not owe ANYONE their bodies. F**k old people and their feelings. Respect is earned not just thrown around. There is nothing wrong with teaching your children boundaries and that not all adults have pure intentions with them. You're f*****g f****d in the head. Take some meds and lets hipe you never have kids. F**k you🖕🏾
Load More Replies... Yep, a child not wanting to hug someone at the moment means they don't love that person. You are absolutely, spot on correct! Have a cookie James🍪
Load More Replies... No, this sort of thing really does happen. There are many older family members who think they have the right to demand hugs, kisses and cuddles from children.
Load More Replies... So if some grown adult told a five year old to harm themselves, harm someone else, or do something in a sexual manner, they would have no right to refuse that? Let's hope you never have kids.
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