Woman Brings 5 Bottles Of Wine To Sister-In-Law’s Christmas Dinner, Is Charged Additional $50 For Food
At this point, there’s no turning back – we’re head to toe in the holiday craziness. Office parties, cocktail o’clock with friends, and family dinners can seriously drain us, and some amount of drama often follows.
Like this story which resurfaced from 2019 from a woman who was wondering if she was being unreasonable to feel insulted for having to pay for Christmas dinner at her sister-in-law’s.
“My SIL said she would host Christmas this year as she has a big new house and plenty of room for us all. I asked if I should bring something and she said she would just do a shop and split the cost,” the author Headwir3 recounted in a post she posted on Mumsnet. The SIL also suggested that guests bring their own alcohol.
Fast forward to post-Christmas blues when the dinner was long gone and Headwir3 received an awaited bill from her SIL. But the amount scribbled on it left the author feeling utterly ripped off.
A woman couldn’t believe her eyes after her sister-in-law sent her a hefty bill for the Christmas dinner they had at her place, which she felt was a total ripoff
Image credits: Nicole Michalou
Image credits: Nicole Michalou
Image credits: Headwir3
People had mixed opinions about the incident and they took the opportunity to share their thoughts in the comments
Maybe I'm missing something here, maybe it's a cultural thing...but when I invite someone over, I do so with the intention that I will be covering the cost of food and drinks. I mean, if I couldn't afford it, I wouldn't invite people over. Also, didn't OP offer to bring a dish of food? Weird story.
Yes, i'm curious too. But i've read many times about this kind of thing, charging dinner/wedding/party guest. Is this normal in the US/europe? Because where i'm from, if I invite people over it means i'll make sure i have enough foods & drinks for everyone. Anyone is welcome to bring something. Nobody talks about any cost, it's just rude. They want to spend the night? Sure, no charge AT ALL! Won't do that to friends let alone families
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I don’t even drink and I’m most upset that she gets to keep the wine lol
Please help me to understand the situation better. 1. It appears that the host told you that the cost would be split. You seemed to agree with it. Isn’t it the right thing to do what you have agreed upon? 2. It seems that you think the price is too high. How have you asked for the cost calculation (how the cost are split?). 3. You seem to think that your wine should have been counted as some kind of payment. What did you agreed upon with the host about the wine when you left there?
1. Canned soup & cereal? That’s maybe £5 pp, if that. Then a basic Christmas dinner with cheese as dessert? That’s no more than £20. So something seems very off in the bill. Typically when splitting the costs for a group dinner, you kick down to the overall purchases. & no, it’s not unreasonable to assume it’s £40 pp with beverages. I think the expectation was there’d be helping with the costs for the overall food it wouldn’t be Tesco boxed & canned garbage. There’s def a lack of communication, but also a con going on.
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I would love to say that this is weird, but it happened to me, My EX husband's family charge me for every time they "invited us" ... the first time happened when we were already married (they said that by then I was already family and I had to contribute)... to what???? I invited them several times to very nice meals and it never crossed my mind such a thing ... well, this is one of the reasons he is my EX
I’d reply with, “my accountants needs you to break down the costs to specific purchases. I hate to ask for the receipts, but I need to give them as much of an itemized list as possible. Because you’ve been able to divide it to this specific individual amount, you’ve clearly ran these numbers. Once you can get that to me, I can submit it and they’ll let us know we can cut you a check.”
This is very sus. Being invited and told that the $ for it would be split between guests is rude. And then bringing something to add and still being charge is even more rude. I would have paid and left a review too. Canned soup that costs $1.00? Cereal that is about $2 a bowl w milk? No deserts? If you have them over print a menu w prices. Don't charge her but let her know. Or leave the shopping reciept on the fridge so she can see what you spent to feed her back.
I am not in the UK, but in the US, I have never HEARD of someone being invited for dinner and then sent a bill??!! I kinda don't buy this story. An invite to dinner in the US is an invite to come over for dinner. It's common to offer to bring something to save time/effort and maybe money for the cook. But NOT be billed after. If everyone was meant to pitch in, it would have been made clear up fron. If she has a 'big new house', I would assume she could afford to have people over...
The cost seems excessive what what OP describes as served but... 1) OP had advance warning that they would be splitting the costs - okay, not the figure, but warning it would be happening, and surely the guests must have agreed to share the costs for OP not to question this when this was said; and 2) SIL suggested they bring their own alcohol - their own, apparently, not to for the table/share. The fact that they took 5 bottles was not the SIL's doing. The fact they only drank one between them and left the other 4 (or whatever hadn't been drunk by the other guests) behind when they left was also not the SIL's doing, unless SIL put the bottles away where they couldn't be found. I would note for others, this item was on Mumsnet in Jan 2019, so the food was that apparently came to £40 each was at 2018 prices.
if she sad split bill for groceries - I would ask to see that bill and only pay for what I eate Next time you prepare proper dinner and invite/charge her too
Another topic could also be how irritating all these acronyms are, especially for non-anglo-saxons… What the heck does AIBU mean?!
My family and I split the costs for some of it (mainly protein and produce);. But it's was more active and transparent than that. We decide who is buying what (groceries are cheaper and better where some of us live, but we travel so need to ensure we have room). Then we total up the receipts, divide by 3 and figure out who owes who, based on what was already paid (typically there 3-4 days)
THAT is NOT family. Send her a nbill for the wine! And jack up the price!!
She didn't ask for five bottles of wine, that was your choice. Two nights accommodation, plus meals and you're whining about the cost?
You knew up front you would have to pay something even though you were told to bring your own libations. Pay up and learn from this experience. Don't create bad blood by asking for an itemized list, but do clarify upfront in the future the expected cost involved. Maybe next time you can volunteer to bring portions of the meal instead of paying. Consider the idea of reserving at a restaurant and eating out Dutch-treat. Either way learn and act accordingly.
That could work unless they invite themselves to your house like my family and didn't offer to bring anything. Also refused to eat when I said the food was ready. They waited over 1.5 hours and then only ate a tiny bit each. I had a full on brunch buffet. Next time I put out cold cuts. They didn't invite themselves again.
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Never in my life has my family charged everyone for dinner. How crass is that. I loved have people over and guess what they all ate for free.
The time to object to paying would have been BEFORE the event, when she first told you she wanted to split the cost of shopping. That was your chance to say "I am willing to contribute X amount", and then give her the cash then and there, or let her know that you didn't feel comfortable paying because you're a guest. Since you let her think you were going to help with the cost, you really cannot complain about it now. Yes, I think it's terrible to ask guests for money. In this case, though, you need to consider that because she has a large house, your family will likely expect her to undertake these gatherings in the future, and realistically, she should not have to carry that burden alone.
Welp I will say it is a damned good racket. Could even be the next big thing like Airbnb. Op is probably paying for the whole thing and the sibling made out with the leftovers.
Let me do some calculations here, I have 12 older brothers, 8 of them are married, and they have 36 children between them, then I need to add my mother, aunts and uncles into that total...that would be 63 people for lunch. If I charged them the equivalent US funds, that would be roughly $49 per person. Oh! I would rake in over $3K for lunch. I bet I could have it catered and not even have to clean up for about $1200. I think I may be on to a new business plan.
If you have 63 guests and spend only $10 on each of them, you are out $630. If you are hosting the meal because you are the only family member with a house big enough for the whole family, and that family is going to expect you to host all family gatherings from now on, you would be justified in asking for help to manage the expenses. Not only will the food bill be high, but you'd need extra dishes, glasses, and utensils. People who stay over will be showering, so there is a lot of laundry afterward. Plus cooking and serving for 63 people is a huge task. Is anyone volunteering to help with the WORK? Who is cleaning up? Now imagine repeating this process for every holiday, birthdays (at least the milestone ones), graduations, engagements, etc. It's hardly fair to expect one person to pay for all of that.
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Wow, that’s a lot. Especially in the UK. I live in Canada where food prices are higher and we aren’t spending that much just on food. And we are having lobster bisque and beef tenderloin. This is weird - she’s making a profit on this dinner. Never spend a holidays at their house again.
250 divided by 40 is 6.25 so who was the quarter of a person?
Load More Replies... Maybe I'm missing something here, maybe it's a cultural thing...but when I invite someone over, I do so with the intention that I will be covering the cost of food and drinks. I mean, if I couldn't afford it, I wouldn't invite people over. Also, didn't OP offer to bring a dish of food? Weird story.
Yes, i'm curious too. But i've read many times about this kind of thing, charging dinner/wedding/party guest. Is this normal in the US/europe? Because where i'm from, if I invite people over it means i'll make sure i have enough foods & drinks for everyone. Anyone is welcome to bring something. Nobody talks about any cost, it's just rude. They want to spend the night? Sure, no charge AT ALL! Won't do that to friends let alone families
Load More Replies... I don’t even drink and I’m most upset that she gets to keep the wine lol
Please help me to understand the situation better. 1. It appears that the host told you that the cost would be split. You seemed to agree with it. Isn’t it the right thing to do what you have agreed upon? 2. It seems that you think the price is too high. How have you asked for the cost calculation (how the cost are split?). 3. You seem to think that your wine should have been counted as some kind of payment. What did you agreed upon with the host about the wine when you left there?
1. Canned soup & cereal? That’s maybe £5 pp, if that. Then a basic Christmas dinner with cheese as dessert? That’s no more than £20. So something seems very off in the bill. Typically when splitting the costs for a group dinner, you kick down to the overall purchases. & no, it’s not unreasonable to assume it’s £40 pp with beverages. I think the expectation was there’d be helping with the costs for the overall food it wouldn’t be Tesco boxed & canned garbage. There’s def a lack of communication, but also a con going on.
Load More Replies... I would love to say that this is weird, but it happened to me, My EX husband's family charge me for every time they "invited us" ... the first time happened when we were already married (they said that by then I was already family and I had to contribute)... to what???? I invited them several times to very nice meals and it never crossed my mind such a thing ... well, this is one of the reasons he is my EX
I’d reply with, “my accountants needs you to break down the costs to specific purchases. I hate to ask for the receipts, but I need to give them as much of an itemized list as possible. Because you’ve been able to divide it to this specific individual amount, you’ve clearly ran these numbers. Once you can get that to me, I can submit it and they’ll let us know we can cut you a check.”
This is very sus. Being invited and told that the $ for it would be split between guests is rude. And then bringing something to add and still being charge is even more rude. I would have paid and left a review too. Canned soup that costs $1.00? Cereal that is about $2 a bowl w milk? No deserts? If you have them over print a menu w prices. Don't charge her but let her know. Or leave the shopping reciept on the fridge so she can see what you spent to feed her back.
I am not in the UK, but in the US, I have never HEARD of someone being invited for dinner and then sent a bill??!! I kinda don't buy this story. An invite to dinner in the US is an invite to come over for dinner. It's common to offer to bring something to save time/effort and maybe money for the cook. But NOT be billed after. If everyone was meant to pitch in, it would have been made clear up fron. If she has a 'big new house', I would assume she could afford to have people over...
The cost seems excessive what what OP describes as served but... 1) OP had advance warning that they would be splitting the costs - okay, not the figure, but warning it would be happening, and surely the guests must have agreed to share the costs for OP not to question this when this was said; and 2) SIL suggested they bring their own alcohol - their own, apparently, not to for the table/share. The fact that they took 5 bottles was not the SIL's doing. The fact they only drank one between them and left the other 4 (or whatever hadn't been drunk by the other guests) behind when they left was also not the SIL's doing, unless SIL put the bottles away where they couldn't be found. I would note for others, this item was on Mumsnet in Jan 2019, so the food was that apparently came to £40 each was at 2018 prices.
if she sad split bill for groceries - I would ask to see that bill and only pay for what I eate Next time you prepare proper dinner and invite/charge her too
Another topic could also be how irritating all these acronyms are, especially for non-anglo-saxons… What the heck does AIBU mean?!
My family and I split the costs for some of it (mainly protein and produce);. But it's was more active and transparent than that. We decide who is buying what (groceries are cheaper and better where some of us live, but we travel so need to ensure we have room). Then we total up the receipts, divide by 3 and figure out who owes who, based on what was already paid (typically there 3-4 days)
THAT is NOT family. Send her a nbill for the wine! And jack up the price!!
She didn't ask for five bottles of wine, that was your choice. Two nights accommodation, plus meals and you're whining about the cost?
You knew up front you would have to pay something even though you were told to bring your own libations. Pay up and learn from this experience. Don't create bad blood by asking for an itemized list, but do clarify upfront in the future the expected cost involved. Maybe next time you can volunteer to bring portions of the meal instead of paying. Consider the idea of reserving at a restaurant and eating out Dutch-treat. Either way learn and act accordingly.
That could work unless they invite themselves to your house like my family and didn't offer to bring anything. Also refused to eat when I said the food was ready. They waited over 1.5 hours and then only ate a tiny bit each. I had a full on brunch buffet. Next time I put out cold cuts. They didn't invite themselves again.
Load More Replies... Never in my life has my family charged everyone for dinner. How crass is that. I loved have people over and guess what they all ate for free.
The time to object to paying would have been BEFORE the event, when she first told you she wanted to split the cost of shopping. That was your chance to say "I am willing to contribute X amount", and then give her the cash then and there, or let her know that you didn't feel comfortable paying because you're a guest. Since you let her think you were going to help with the cost, you really cannot complain about it now. Yes, I think it's terrible to ask guests for money. In this case, though, you need to consider that because she has a large house, your family will likely expect her to undertake these gatherings in the future, and realistically, she should not have to carry that burden alone.
Welp I will say it is a damned good racket. Could even be the next big thing like Airbnb. Op is probably paying for the whole thing and the sibling made out with the leftovers.
Let me do some calculations here, I have 12 older brothers, 8 of them are married, and they have 36 children between them, then I need to add my mother, aunts and uncles into that total...that would be 63 people for lunch. If I charged them the equivalent US funds, that would be roughly $49 per person. Oh! I would rake in over $3K for lunch. I bet I could have it catered and not even have to clean up for about $1200. I think I may be on to a new business plan.
If you have 63 guests and spend only $10 on each of them, you are out $630. If you are hosting the meal because you are the only family member with a house big enough for the whole family, and that family is going to expect you to host all family gatherings from now on, you would be justified in asking for help to manage the expenses. Not only will the food bill be high, but you'd need extra dishes, glasses, and utensils. People who stay over will be showering, so there is a lot of laundry afterward. Plus cooking and serving for 63 people is a huge task. Is anyone volunteering to help with the WORK? Who is cleaning up? Now imagine repeating this process for every holiday, birthdays (at least the milestone ones), graduations, engagements, etc. It's hardly fair to expect one person to pay for all of that.
Load More Replies... Wow, that’s a lot. Especially in the UK. I live in Canada where food prices are higher and we aren’t spending that much just on food. And we are having lobster bisque and beef tenderloin. This is weird - she’s making a profit on this dinner. Never spend a holidays at their house again.
250 divided by 40 is 6.25 so who was the quarter of a person?
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