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Woman Is Berated For “Disgusting Reaction” Because She Doesn’t Support The Woman Husband Cheated With
When a marriage ends, oftentimes it’s because one partner is cheating. In the U.S., 20% to 40% of marriages dissolve because of infidelity. And sometimes, affair partners even marry each other and start a family of their own.
This couple wasn’t so lucky. After the husband cheated and destroyed his family for his co-worker, he wanted to start having kids with his affair partner. Unfortunately, it turned out she couldn’t have children. Heartbroken, the couple turned to the ex-wife for sympathy, but she refused to show compassion to the people who ruined her and possibly her children’s lives.
RELATED:
A cheating couple asked the husband’s ex-wife for sympathy when they couldn’t conceive
Image credits: jm_video/Envato (not the actual photo)
But the ex-wife showed no compassion to the people who ruined her life and never even said “sorry”
Image credits: africaimages/Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: GroundPicture/Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ThrowAITAHAra
Marriages that start as affairs have a smaller chance of lasting than regular marriages
For some people, having an affair results in a happy marriage. Unfortunately, those people are in the minority. Statistically, a marriage that began as an affair is more likely to end in divorce. According to research, only 5% to 7% of affairs end in marriage, and 75% of marriages that began as affairs don’t last longer than five years.
Of course, that’s only statistics, and each case can be different. Relationship psychologist Dr. Kathy Nickerson explains that some marriages that began as affairs might be doomed to have trust issues. “Affairs often start in a secretive and dishonest way, which creates a foundation for trust issues and other challenges in the relationship,” she writes. Who’s to say that the husband won’t leave the new wife for another woman after a few years?
Image credits:Image-Source/Envato (not the actual photo)
Clinical psychologist and couples therapist Dr. Kathy McMahon agrees. According to her, there are five other common pitfalls that couples may be victims of if their relationship started as an affair.
- The new wife will be compared to or always compare herself to the ex. When an affair starts, the affair partner is always the perfect contrast to the current spouse. Even subconsciously, the husband might also compare his ex-wife to his new wife, especially when it comes to parenting.
- The burden of collateral damage to the children might be too much. In this particular story, the father already blames the mother for turning the children against their stepmother. Differences in parenting styles and discipline might become evident.
- Blended families face practical hurdles. Child support, legal divorce proceedings, and financial obligations can put a strain on the new marriage. The new spouse might feel it’s not fair that they can’t afford a new house, a vacation, or something nice because the husband has to cover for his “other family.”
- A marriage that starts as an affair lacks a foundation. Most married couples have fond memories about meeting – their first date, the proposal, etc. But the foundation for a marriage that is a byproduct of an affair is deception. There might be guilt and shame involved, tainting what’s supposed to be the honeymoon phase.
- Reality kicks in eventually. The initial excitement of an affair wears off after a few years. As years go by, imperfections and quirks might turn into annoying habits. Everyday problems take center stage, and familiar issues of cohabitation that ruined the first marriage may resurface.
“The hard truth is that we bring ourselves – baggage, blind spots, and unmet needs – into every relationship we enter,” Dr. McMahon explains. “Falling into an affair may be an intoxicating distraction from long-simmering marital problems, but it’s rarely an effective solution.”
Infertility can sometimes be the reason for divorce as well
Image credits: seventyfourimages/Envato (not the actual photo)
Reasons for divorce can be many: cheating, incompatibility, dependence on substances, and many others. However, sometimes, couples also break up because they’re not able to conceive children. While plenty of couples grow stronger in the face of infertility, many break up or file for divorce.
One 16-year-long Danish study found that 27% of women were no longer living with their partners with whom they had lived 12 years after finding out about their infertility. Essentially, the researchers concluded that those who couldn’t conceive were three times more likely to end their marriages.
Men and women also cope with infertility stress in different ways. A 2006 study showed that among couples going through IVF, women sought social support and were more confrontational in their coping strategies, often accepting responsibility. Men, on the other hand, “used proportionately greater amounts of distancing, self-controlling, and planful problem-solving.”
“I was pregnant when the affair originally started,” the ex-wife added in the comments
Commenters called out the delusional couple of cheaters: “She broke up your home and wrecked the life of those same children”
Others, however, thought she should’ve been more civil: “Stop being a baby”
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What do you think ?
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 2 weeks ago
The yta people are cheaters themselves lol. The absolute gall of this man.
roddy 2 weeks ago
Absolutely! When OP was mother of 2 and pregnant with a 3rd, did they care about her feelings? Or the feelings of the children? No, they selfishly indulged themselves and broke up the marriage. Now they want people to feel sorry for them.
Load More Replies...
Melissa Harris 2 weeks ago (edited)
Sounds like the OP should consider taking him back to court for full custody. He can't abide by their parenting arrangements and is putting undue emotional stress on the Kids. His new wife's infertility isn't the OPs problem and he shouldn't be bringing it up at school events or parent-teacher meetings. He wants to paint her out of his picture and replace her with his affair partner but that's not how co-parenting works.
KatSaidThat 2 weeks ago
Your new wife, your problem. Should have thought about how this would play out when you cheated on their mom for THREE YEARS...
JayWantsACat 2 weeks ago
The "tell her 'children are a gift from God' then stare at her hard" really got me. Perfect response.
Janelle Collard 2 weeks ago
I, too, would have laughed in the cheaters faces + yelled "Karma!" Good for OP for keeping proof of their harassment. Hopefully, eventually, there will be enough proof to get the courts involved re: only interaction is thru the parenting app not face to face, texts or phone calls.
Alexandra 2 weeks ago
Cheating is cheating, whether with one partner for 3 years or 6 partners for 10 months. Also, the affair partner is not the mother of OP's children, so why would they call her 'mom"? That makes no sense. Let her get her own child through adoption or surrogacy or let her deal with it through therapy. Bottom line: not your children? Then you are not their Mom. You don't need to be a rocket scientist to understand that.
Crystalwitch60 2 weeks ago
I’m a step mother n not one of my step kids called me mum, they had their own mothers , how it should be , n in two of the three marriages,one of the kids lived with us ,n I was guardian to em but IM WAS NEVER MUM !
Load More Replies...
Delicate Fcuking Flower 2 weeks ago
Has anyone seen the world's smallest violin? It needs playing
greenideas 2 weeks ago
Cheating is one thing (obviously bad), but them wanting to take her kids is straight up evil.
Randy Smith 2 weeks ago
"Where did I learn such insensitive behavior? From you, over the last three years of our marriage"
Jay Cee 4 days ago (edited)
Are they sure that it's Wife#2 that's infertile? Co-worker came in from lunch one day having bumped into her ex's current wife. Now there was no animosity as there had been a 3 year gap between Wives #1 and #2 - the gap being filled by Affair Partner #? W#2 was looking sad so they went off for coffee. Seems they were trying for a baby without luck and it MUST have been #2's fault as Hubby and #1 had two kids together. "Oh honey," said #1 "Did he not tell you about the vasectomy?" Wife #2 is soon to become Ex #2.
Lee Gilliland 2 weeks ago
I will guarantee hubs thought he was doing a noble and kind thing for his wife. Too bad he wasn't as noble and kind to his EXwife.
Tyranamar Seuss 1 week ago
I don't think step-mom should be trying to get the kids to call her mom. But I also think these kid deserve 2 happy homes. It's OK to set aside some of your vitriol so the children an be at peace and not feel guilty if they have a good time at dad's house.
Crystalwitch60 2 weeks ago
YTA lunatics as per !! the pos cheating ex n his blaming op for his aff is hilarious,it’s cos u where pregnant , er, it takes two 🤷♀️but that also means he likely cheated while she was preg with other two as well then , what a vile pos n “welinevever” reply is classic 😂,n funny as hell the p is A SK A N K ! n I’m glad she can’t have kids ,eugh who wants that thing as a parent , ,op NTA ,tell her karmas a biatch lol you reap what u sow so shove off ,!! N good luck with the ex cos boy are u gonna need it !!
FreeTheUnicorn 2 weeks ago
I don't have any sympathy for anyone who thinks infertility is a struggle. If you want children, adopt. If you're the type of person who would love a kid less because they aren't your bio kid, you're the type of person who would love them less for other petty reasons, and you shouldn't be a parent. In the days where non-racists have moved past the idea that bloodlines determine the quality of a person, there's no reason to struggle with infertility. It has nothing to do with your ability to be a parent, especially in a two parent hetero household
arthbach 2 weeks ago
FreeTheUnicorn, you have seriously fallen in my estimation. Your lack of sympathy and empathy is truly staggering. This might come as news to you, not everyone is able to adopt. The laws in their area, and the selection criteria might not allow it. You are under a gross miscomprehension about how easy adoption in, and how simple it is to become a parent. Your ignorance has led to you saying deeply hurtful things.
Load More Replies... Lousha 2 weeks ago
Again, I can partially agree, the whole text is dripping with hatred. That is not doing anyone any good, however justified. Since for the time being the co-parenting is not going anywhere, it would be useful for the OP to try to separate cheating ex-husband and current co-parent in her mind. For the children as well, but mostly for herself. Hate is hard to resist, but it's really not productive. It damages the body and mind. And of course even if she's perfect in keeping her words in check, the kids will still feel the intense hate for the people who they are forced to spend 50% of their time with. It's unfair, it's infuriating, but the past is done, she can't go back and have kids with a better partner. She must make it work with this one if there's no way to get full custody. And it would benefit her and the kids (and as an unwanted side effect, the cheaters) if she managed to let go of some of the hate.
Load More Replies... Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 2 weeks ago
The yta people are cheaters themselves lol. The absolute gall of this man.
roddy 2 weeks ago
Absolutely! When OP was mother of 2 and pregnant with a 3rd, did they care about her feelings? Or the feelings of the children? No, they selfishly indulged themselves and broke up the marriage. Now they want people to feel sorry for them.
Load More Replies... Melissa Harris 2 weeks ago (edited)
Sounds like the OP should consider taking him back to court for full custody. He can't abide by their parenting arrangements and is putting undue emotional stress on the Kids. His new wife's infertility isn't the OPs problem and he shouldn't be bringing it up at school events or parent-teacher meetings. He wants to paint her out of his picture and replace her with his affair partner but that's not how co-parenting works.
KatSaidThat 2 weeks ago
Your new wife, your problem. Should have thought about how this would play out when you cheated on their mom for THREE YEARS...
JayWantsACat 2 weeks ago
The "tell her 'children are a gift from God' then stare at her hard" really got me. Perfect response.
Janelle Collard 2 weeks ago
I, too, would have laughed in the cheaters faces + yelled "Karma!" Good for OP for keeping proof of their harassment. Hopefully, eventually, there will be enough proof to get the courts involved re: only interaction is thru the parenting app not face to face, texts or phone calls.
Alexandra 2 weeks ago
Cheating is cheating, whether with one partner for 3 years or 6 partners for 10 months. Also, the affair partner is not the mother of OP's children, so why would they call her 'mom"? That makes no sense. Let her get her own child through adoption or surrogacy or let her deal with it through therapy. Bottom line: not your children? Then you are not their Mom. You don't need to be a rocket scientist to understand that.
Crystalwitch60 2 weeks ago
I’m a step mother n not one of my step kids called me mum, they had their own mothers , how it should be , n in two of the three marriages,one of the kids lived with us ,n I was guardian to em but IM WAS NEVER MUM !
Load More Replies... Delicate Fcuking Flower 2 weeks ago
Has anyone seen the world's smallest violin? It needs playing
greenideas 2 weeks ago
Cheating is one thing (obviously bad), but them wanting to take her kids is straight up evil.
Randy Smith 2 weeks ago
"Where did I learn such insensitive behavior? From you, over the last three years of our marriage"
Jay Cee 4 days ago (edited)
Are they sure that it's Wife#2 that's infertile? Co-worker came in from lunch one day having bumped into her ex's current wife. Now there was no animosity as there had been a 3 year gap between Wives #1 and #2 - the gap being filled by Affair Partner #? W#2 was looking sad so they went off for coffee. Seems they were trying for a baby without luck and it MUST have been #2's fault as Hubby and #1 had two kids together. "Oh honey," said #1 "Did he not tell you about the vasectomy?" Wife #2 is soon to become Ex #2.
Lee Gilliland 2 weeks ago
I will guarantee hubs thought he was doing a noble and kind thing for his wife. Too bad he wasn't as noble and kind to his EXwife.
Tyranamar Seuss 1 week ago
I don't think step-mom should be trying to get the kids to call her mom. But I also think these kid deserve 2 happy homes. It's OK to set aside some of your vitriol so the children an be at peace and not feel guilty if they have a good time at dad's house.
Crystalwitch60 2 weeks ago
YTA lunatics as per !! the pos cheating ex n his blaming op for his aff is hilarious,it’s cos u where pregnant , er, it takes two 🤷♀️but that also means he likely cheated while she was preg with other two as well then , what a vile pos n “welinevever” reply is classic 😂,n funny as hell the p is A SK A N K ! n I’m glad she can’t have kids ,eugh who wants that thing as a parent , ,op NTA ,tell her karmas a biatch lol you reap what u sow so shove off ,!! N good luck with the ex cos boy are u gonna need it !!
FreeTheUnicorn 2 weeks ago
I don't have any sympathy for anyone who thinks infertility is a struggle. If you want children, adopt. If you're the type of person who would love a kid less because they aren't your bio kid, you're the type of person who would love them less for other petty reasons, and you shouldn't be a parent. In the days where non-racists have moved past the idea that bloodlines determine the quality of a person, there's no reason to struggle with infertility. It has nothing to do with your ability to be a parent, especially in a two parent hetero household
arthbach 2 weeks ago
FreeTheUnicorn, you have seriously fallen in my estimation. Your lack of sympathy and empathy is truly staggering. This might come as news to you, not everyone is able to adopt. The laws in their area, and the selection criteria might not allow it. You are under a gross miscomprehension about how easy adoption in, and how simple it is to become a parent. Your ignorance has led to you saying deeply hurtful things.
Load More Replies... Lousha 2 weeks ago
Again, I can partially agree, the whole text is dripping with hatred. That is not doing anyone any good, however justified. Since for the time being the co-parenting is not going anywhere, it would be useful for the OP to try to separate cheating ex-husband and current co-parent in her mind. For the children as well, but mostly for herself. Hate is hard to resist, but it's really not productive. It damages the body and mind. And of course even if she's perfect in keeping her words in check, the kids will still feel the intense hate for the people who they are forced to spend 50% of their time with. It's unfair, it's infuriating, but the past is done, she can't go back and have kids with a better partner. She must make it work with this one if there's no way to get full custody. And it would benefit her and the kids (and as an unwanted side effect, the cheaters) if she managed to let go of some of the hate.
Load More Replies... You May Like "Just Walking Away From 16 Years, 4 Kids And Our Life Together": Woman's World Crumbles Over 1 Letter Man Goes Online To Vent About A Cheating Wife, Gets A Harsh Reality Check Guy Cheats On Wife, Watches Her Live Her Best Life While He Complains About How He Ruined His
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