Person Shares How They Failed To Notice Key Cues That Their Parents Wouldn’t Pay For Their 18th B-Day Dinner
Birthday celebrations are different in various parts of the world. In some parts, the person who celebrates their birthday treats their friends and family to dinner and in others, they are the ones getting treated and pampered.
But in this person’s family, it seems that they haven’t made up their minds, because up until their 18th birthday, they always went to Applebee’s for dinner and paid for everything, but this time the parents wanted the 18-year-old to pay for the meal themselves out of nowhere.
More info: Reddit
There comes a time when you start paying for yourself, but it’s usually not sudden and definitely not on your birthday
Image credits: Mike Mozart (not the actual image)
Like it happened to this unemployed 18-year-old whose parents wanted them to have a separate bill for their birthday dinner
Image credits: Kevin Curtis (not the actual image)
Image credits: Jessie McCall (not the actual image)
Image credits: [deleted]
The celebrator didn’t see this coming and they blamed their autism spectrum disorder for not picking up cues of the changes starting
The author of the post wrote it just a day after their 18th birthday when they were truly hurt by their family. The Original Poster (OP) would go to Applebee’s every year and get the same steak and shrimp Parmesan with a side of loaded mashed potatoes, and cheesy steamed broccoli with a side of mozzarella sticks.
It was a bit expensive, but their parents would treat them for their birthday and they liked having the same thing because they have extreme OCD and high functioning autism, so routine helps them regulate.
But the celebration of their 18th birthday was not as fun as they remembered, because their mom asked the waiter to have a separate bill for the celebrator, which was completely unexpected because the OP didn’t really have a job apart from raking neighbors’ leaves and they never picked up on any cues that they were supposed to have one.
So the OP just sat there without dinner while the rest of the family ate, including their 23-year-old half-brother, because their mom paid for his meal. And the 18-year-old didn’t see anything wrong with it because it has happened before as they are a picky eater.
Redditors immediately started looking for reasons for this sudden change in behavior. After finding out that the stepfather has been in the OP’s life for 3 years, they guessed that this situation was his initiative.
On top of that, redditors also found out that the OP’s mom was getting social security because of them and 6 months before their 18th birthday, it stopped, because the OP didn’t want her guardianship as they were deemed to be fit to take care of themselves on their own.
For these reasons, the readers had a pretty negative impression of the parents. In an edit, the OP explained that they might have not read the room because they are very bad at reading social cues and they guess it’s their parents’ way to teach them independence and responsibility. The OP still loves their parents and acknowledges that they were a difficult child.
People truly understood why the OP would defend their parents, but they also raised a valid point that people on the autism spectrum often blame themselves for awkward social situations because they are aware they’re not the best at picking up the cues, but it’s not necessarily them who are the problem and in this case they believe the parents were being unfair.
Another important aspect to note is that the mom has been raising her child for 18 years, so if she wanted her child to know that something’s changed in their relationship, she of all people should know that the way to do it is not vague hints.
Image credits: Reginaldo Lustosa (not the actual image)
The OP thought that the biggest contributor to their confusion is that they are on the autism spectrum. They mentioned that they have high-functioning autism, which means they can “speak, read, write, and handle basic life skills like eating and getting dressed. They can live independently.”
The term is not an official medical diagnosis and the disorder is already called autism spectrum (ASD) disorder, because everyone has a varying level of it, so it is often viewed as inaccurate and also inappropriate.
Very Well Mind says that “Research suggests the term does not accurately reflect the challenges that autistic people deal with in their daily lives. This can lead to unrealistic expectations about people’s social, academic, occupational, and self-care abilities.”
They explain that what people colloquially call “high-functioning” could typically have level 1 of ASD, which in the official spectrum means that a person requires some support. Level 2 requires substantial support and level 3 requires very substantial support.
If a person has level 1 autism, which is what assumingly the OP has, they “might have difficulty initiating interactions or relationships or might have lower than average interest in these interactions” and “inflexible routines might cause interfering with functioning, and individuals might struggle with transitions, organization, and planning.”
Psych Central says that “A common symptom of high-functioning autism is having trouble interacting with one’s peers” and they are often seen as socially awkward. They might get frustrated by normal life experiences more than others and they tend to react more sensitively to physical sensations, including loud noises, uncomfortable clothing, touching, smells and tastes. Also, specific routines are important to them so they avoid changing them.
It is very possible that the OP misunderstood something and they are aware of the possibility of that happening. But as people in the comments pointed out, it’s not entirely their responsibility.
Mental health advocate Rachel Kelly says that “People with HF-ASD commonly exhibit difficulties with recognizing nuances of conversation, turn-taking, understanding humor and non-literal language” which the family members must know, so to facilitate communication, they should use clear and literal language.
It was truly a bizarre birthday and it would be hard to figure out what’s wrong even if you don’t have any disorders. And it’s peculiar how the parents suddenly wanted their child to pay separately for themselves just because they are legally considered an adult. Do you think the OP is being too harsh on themselves? Do you think people who have autism blame themselves too much? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
But people in the comments decided that their disorder had nothing to do with their parents being awful people
Your family are a bunch of utter shits. This is the worst thing you can do to an autistic person. To then act like you are the ahole is just.... their attitude the whole time is that they all planned this knowing it would cause so much distress. This really boils my blood. I had to spend 4 days getting my son ready to go into school breakfast club the first time he went. If I hadn't it would have been a disaster. More recently my wife was going to take him to school but he got upset as it was a sudden change in routine so I took him as normal. I hope you can get away from them and live independently or with someone who is willing to make accommodations for you.
I know. What is this obsession about kids turning 18 and kicking them out of your house? What is paying $50 for your son on his special day? I would sometimes randomly buy stuff for my babies with my blue collar income and yet we were never lacking. As a parent it is our responsibility to love our kids because they never asked to be born. It does not matter how old they get. They are still our flesh and blood.
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What is this weird obession with the 18th birthday? Here most kids are still in school then, after that comes uni or vocational training. Nothing you can make an independent living on. And even if they were making enough money to be independent, what an effed up way to spring it on them. Some people shouldn't be having kids.
I would bet money on the parents not doing a single thing to help the OP prepare for independent living.
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Oh my god I'm autistic and YOU DO NOT SUDDENLY SPRING THINGS ON AN AUTISTIC PERSON. It INSTANTLY sets off massive anxiety and the victim will almost certainly panic. The parents should absolutely have known better, and this whole stunt they pulled was just out and out cruel. And that's not even getting into the nastiness of making someone of *any* age pay for their own birthday dinner.
You don't spring it on a non-autistic person either. Inviting someone to dinner implies the inviter is paying. That is a normal social cue. If they are not paying, that needs to be clarified before hand so the guest is prepared. I was invited to a kid's birthday party once. It was at a pizza joint, and I arrived to find I had to buy own food. Would have been very awkward if I hadn't had $10 in my pocket. OPs parents are TA's for pulling this c**p.
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This is another post that with or without the ASD/OCD diagnosis, what the parents did was incredibly mean and disrespectful. If your going to change the rules and expectations, you talk about it beforehand. The fact they knew OP’s issues makes it even worse they would do something like this. It would be a mean joke if they were just messing with them, but sounds like they were serious. Ugh I really don’t like people sometimes. “Happy birthday! We won’t take care of you anymore! Good luck!!”
My thoughts exactly, I don't think that there are any social cues that would tell a person that actually this birthday you are expected to pay yourself. That's something that at best, you make explicit before going to the restaurant, and even then at best (read, the most charitable way you could possibly do it) it is tacky as hell to tell you that you are paying for your own birthday dinner. And secondly, anybody who doesn't have disposable income is going to be blindsighted and anxious to have a bill suddenly sprung upon them. That is a 100% complete ah move that is inexcusable.
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How long has this family been gaslighting OP into believing that everyone one of their s****y toxic behaviors were misunderstandings caused by OP's Asperger's?
I don't think there were any social cues to be missed at all. It is very, very, VERY strange to take a person out for a birthday dinner and then pay for everybody at the table EXCEPT the birthday person. Now that the family is refusing to talk to OP, it means that there is something else going on and this birthday dinner was just a power play by them that did not go as planned. Also, the family darned well knows what OPs diagnosis is, so passive aggressive behaviors are the WORST way to communicate with somebody on the spectrum and with anxiety. The onus is on them, not OP, to pull their heads out and come clean on what their issue is.
This is so sad, I don't understand why his/her family suddenly expected this person to instantly become an adult at 18, pay for their own meal and then berate him/her for not bringing any money to pay for their own meal. If this is a yearly thing for every Birthday why change it without saying beforehand ' Hey, your 18 now and considered an Adult, if we celebrate at Applebees this year are you able to pay for your own meal?' . At least then there would have been a choice for the poor sod :(
Oh dear, you didn't miss any social cues, you just have a s****y family. If now they suddenly decided to make a point of not paying for you, the least they should have done is discuss it with you BEFORE you got to the restaurant. That s**t they pulled would come as a shock to anyone, autistic or not.
I think it’s so sad how OP still thought that they may have held some fault in this debacle. Ik they didn’t know if they missed any social cues but still.
I'd argue that there couldn't be any social cues OP could have missed. That's something that should be explicitly stated before going to the restaurant and should never be left to social cues.
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I have Asperger's too, and I can tell ya those parents are pricks! OP did nothing wrong, who the hell expects the birthday boy/girl/whatever to pay for themselves??
These things don't usually get at me the way this one did. I'm a mom with what used to be called Aspergers and 2/4 of my children have emotional issues. This made me upset to the point where I want to find OP and make sure they are ok and if they ever got the Applebee's card someone in the comments offered. Anyone know how to contact OP?
I went to the reddit to see if I could send OP some $ or learn more, and they've deleted their account. The post is from like 5 months ago.
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This is really strange and definitely not the OP's fault. I really don't understand why the parents are being such jerks - mentioning such a drastic change to something they've been doing for years on end is not only reasonable, it's vital. How could the OP be expected to know? The fact that the parents know OP is unemployed and that the 23 year old brother was paid for while the birthday kid was asked to pay for themselves is just gross. It's nothing to do with the autism, it's the parents being jerks. No social cues missed here at all, they just decided to act weird.
We just went out with our 36 yr old daughter, her three children, husband, and the in-laws to celebrate her 10 year old’s birthday and we picked up 1/2 of the total $240 (incl tip) bill for ALL - even tho we’re the grandparents and on a fixed income.
This should be cross posted to r/entitledparents. What a s**t way to treat you kid, much less one with special needs. Wanna bet they'll be kicked out of the house on their 21st birthday? I mean, my dad came and paid for my birthday dinner last year. I turned 58 and he paid for me, his wife, my husband, our 3 kids and their SOs and my grandson. And it was way more expensive than Applebee's. (Granted the grandson is only one and doesn't eat a lot.)
No social cues were missed. Your family is s**t and doesn't deserve you. And the way you're saying things like "But I can be a troublemaker" tells me that they've been telling you that your whole life. You are a wonderful person but unfortunately, you are also an abuse victim. Also, if 30 dollars is a staggering amount of money for your stepdad, then LOL he is in NO position to talk to you about money or financial success.
He shouldn't have needed to pick up cues because if his parents wanted him to pay, then they should have straight up TOLD him beforehand, especially because he is used to being paid for. Like, this would have been a s****y thing to do to a friend: invite them over on the assumption that you would pay, suddenly insist that they pay, and then shame them for not bringing money but it seems just so malicious to do to your child. Like, wtf, and the poor op here is still blaming himself.
A few problems - 1 your parents should understand your mental health better (it's not like it vanishes when you an adult!). 2 you stated you don't work!!! Where are they expecting you to pull the money from? It's just weird!... I am also a high functioning autistic with OCD, adhd, anxiety and depression and can firmly say I would feel completely lost and hopeless and heartbroken if this ever happened when I was a teen
The OP deleted their account, so you can't reply to the Reddit thread anymore, so I'll say it here. As someone who is also high functioning autistic, what their parents did here was absolutely cruel and was specifically engineered to embarrass and humiliate OP. This wasn't mentioned in the article, but eventually it came out in the comments that OP's mom was getting a welfare check that was supposed to be theirs, which expired the day they turned 18, so that adds an extra layer of shittiness to their family. The saddest part of all of this is that the OP loves their family too much to recognize the abuse for what it is and kept defending them every time their shittiness was pointed out. My heart breaks for OP, especially since I've been in their position before.
I kinda get the whole "you're grown now" thing. BUT DAMN! Considering the statement about it being the same way every year on op's birthday it's hard to comprehend that the parents didn't mention having op pay for their own meal. Like way before leaving the house. You can be like happy birthday and by the way you're paying for your own food when we get there. That's a real douchebag move on their part. And the fact they didn't have anything to say afterwards just seals the deal. You don't take a dump on someone when it's their birthday regardless. They should honestly be ashamed of themselves. This is absolutely not op's fault and I hope after the talk they make things right.
I have a child with autism who recently turned 18, who might someday be able to live independently. Six months before he turned 18 I opened a checking account for him with money saved from his SSD since he was 9, so he could start learning to pay for his own stuff. Do I still pay for dinner sometimes? You bet. And for his birthday I dropped him and his two best friends off at his favorite restaurant, which is not an overwhelmingly expensive place, gave him what I knew was plenty of money, and reminded them to leave a good tip. Their first time out without parents.
YES!! I did similar for my son but as a little younger. He was 16 when I gave him a debit card to the acct I created years ago. Timing was perfect as HS activities (music, athletics) included travel and dining without me at the table (I was always nearby). I taught him how to order forhimself and for me. His "job" was to do well in school and in his activities. He worked hard. He is in grad school now. Some of his challenges remain but he has a good attitude and continues to work through them.
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U are not the a*****e... I'm betting Your family has spent a large portion of your life chipping away at your self-esteem, and your self-worth with passive aggressive attacks and remarks... Heavily veiled and/or very subtle remarks that were just enough of a loaded comment that it would spark a little irritation inside u, but always making sure those comments would have a double meaning... And taken out of context with dozens of other comments directed towards u these comments seem harmless to any outsiders who happen to be overhearing what's happening or anyone u may vent to... Thereby making u look like the bad guy... Not only that but unless u have an endemic memory (the ability to burn conversations or paragraphs or phrases word for word in both your short term and long term memory when u put your mind to it) and can recall previous veiled or passive aggressive attacks word for word they will just deny, deny, deny untill u start to doubt your own memory and wonder if maybe u are
Wrong.. if maybe u are overreacting... Let me make something VERY clear!!! YOUR NOT... It's called gaslighting and used on someone that is on the spectrum at all... Even someone who is extremely high functioning.... It's efficiency is devastating... The reason why is because its a form of misdirection that uses a system of both true comments taken out of context and lies to make the target doubt the reality that they are perceiving in favor of one the abuser tells them is real... U display a lot of symptoms of someone who has been gaslighted...
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There is a special place in h*ll for people like this in general, but to this to a neurodivergent person is some serious BS. I mean they raised (or I'm starting to think "raised") this kid, and should know about all of their ticks and problems. You shouldn't do this to a neurotypical person let alone a neurodivergent one! It's things like this that make me believe in eugenics. I don't care about genetic "quality" I just wanna get rid of all the a$$holes! Or better yet how about all males get vasectomies? You want childre? Then you need to be married and/or a certain age and have to pass a test before pregnancy. If you can't pass you can't have children. That certainly would have saved all the innocent children that have died at the hands of their single mothers and boyfriends lately. Don't believe me? Look it up. It's the new US epidemic.
I think this sentence explains Mom's hostility and sh##y behavior~ *OP’s mom was getting social security because of them and 6 months before their 18th birthday, it stopped, because the OP didn’t want her guardianship as they were deemed to be fit to take care of themselves on their own.* So, as in a lot of cases, follow the money. I'm sure that there are other resentments or some such nonsense happening in that family also. I just find it interesting that she would pull this b******t about money as they are at the restaurant. It was the plan all along. Get out of that house darlin.
Op needs someone to help him find a way to get away from them. No one deserves this kind of treatment.
It was the OP's birthday, he shouldn't have to pay for his dinner. especially since it's been a tradition for years. Also, knowing that he is autistic, they should have warned him many times before. Even if he wasn't autistic, you just don't invite someone to eat and then expect them to pay without warning. So, he turned 18 and they suddenly expected him to have money?
Even without the autistic part, that's a really lousy thing to do to anyone. Taking your 18 year old for birthday dinner WITHOUT confirming the "you're supposed to pay" part is an absolute d**k move from the parents.
Jesus. Whether you have autism or not.. this is messed up! Like... why would you do this in this way? Especially when you're paying for the older brothers food? Sounds to me like you wanted to purposely stress out your kid & make them have a breakdown. Like.. even ppl without autism would be confused by this interaction & how the parents did this. I would be! I feel sorry for OP.. now I wanna take them to dinner cause who fucken ruins someone's 18th birthday like this?
That is awful to read. In my family, we always will pay for the birthday person regardless of their age because it is a nice gift. I love going out and getting cake and ice cream for everyone. This makes me sad.
I have to kind of wonder if the OP pushed this. Like going out of their way to make a big deal about money in some way. I wasn't there and can't tell obviously. But the only way I could see doing this to a kid is if they went out of their way to be obnoxious about money or taking care of themselves in some way. Especially as it's a family tradition. Someone else said mom is trying to win points with step-dad and brother and that seems more likely. But...if he spent two weeks rejecting every time mom tried to help or telling her he didn't need to do what she said because he was an adult or something then I could see this as being a (probably misguided) tough love thing. Idk you just never know the whole story from one person's POV and...either mom is weirdly, randomly cruel and ignored something they've known about and dealt with for 18 years now or something more is up here. Why would they be so mad about it they refused to talk to him? Weird.
There is something more. OP's mom was collecting a welfare check every month, which dried up 6 months before OP's birthday because he didn't want his mom's guardianship because he was deemed fit to care for himself. The family was punishing him for losing access to free money that was supposed to be his anyway. These are genuinely s****y parents and OP was not in the wrong.
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My brother and his wife are similar to this with their daughter that just turned 18. They did pay for her birthday dinner but made sure she was well aware they wouldn't be paying for anyone else she invited and wouldn't be paying in the future. My niece is over them not helping her in anyway, and I mean any. They don't take her to the doctor, they don't even help her with something simple as mail. This was even before she turned 18. But they are quick to help her two brothers if they need anything and she's the youngest.
Wow your mom utterly missed the boat on appropriate teaching moments. A birthday dinner is the wrong time to suddenly yank the financial rug out from under you, especially without any notice that you would need to bring money with you. Just wow. Was she just trying to embarrass you and ruin your birthday? I mean, who does that? Your family are the entitled a******s here. I hope you can get away from them and never look back. This is only the beginning of the c**p, if the way they are all behaving now is any indication. Get yourself away from them and make a better life for yourself. Cut them off completely. Maybe then they will realize the error of their stupid ways.
This, in my opinion, is a prime example of emotional abuse. How much lower can you go, taking an autistic 18-year-old out to dinner, then sticking them with the bill? OP needs to get out of that house. NOW. The toxicity of that family will choke the life out of him/her.
This has nothing to do with social queues. Your parents were being mean. In fact they sound downright abusive.
What a s****y thing to do! At least warn a person. Those parents knew their kid didn't have any money. Or at least warn the kid BEFORE they order. The poor kid can't even signal a waiter without major anxiety. The REALLY s****y thing that these parents did was that they didn't even talk to the kid for DAYS afterward. This poor kid spent their bday in tears, then their parents don't even talk to them to explain why it happened that way AND they called the poor kid names. Poor kid didn't deserve any of that!
My 9 year old is also high functioning autistic but honestly, this has nothing to do with the situation. Normal communication would have prevented such a horrible thing from happening. My question is why was it ok for them to pay for the 23 year old's food but not yours? I think there's definitely something malicious going on behind the scenes! Your mom (no disrespect intended) seems more interested in making the new hubby happy instead of making sure you had a good birthday! Welcome to adulthood! Unfortunately, you'll find that sometimes those who are the worst to us are the ones who are closest to us! Good luck and happy birthday!
Okay so they invited their kid out to dinner, their kid who does not have a job!! and expected that one kid (nobody else) to pay for their own BIRTHDAY dinner. Idk if they're trying to teach "independence" or what but they're doing things so wrong
1) Being 18 doesn't suddenly make one an adult in any sense whatsoever beyond the legal context on paper. Otherwise one is still VERY young... 2) You don't just spring s**t on someone with ASD, and the mother OBVIOUSLY knows that OP does not have a stable source of income and is no way prepared to live independently. That little petty stunt didn't teach them a lesson, it simply embarrassed and traumatized them and likely set them back to a degree in their development and regulation of their mental health struggles. OP's mom probably ruined years worth of progress in that one s****y immature act. I have some suspicions that the whole thing might have been the result of pressure from the stepfather/stepbrother who have no clue how support someone with ASD/OCD or just don't care, considering OP to be a burdensome inconvenience so they're trying to push them out. The whole thing just seems super sketchy and I worry deeply for OP who might not be able to pick up on what's going on.
So this person is autistic, and these people have the gall to force them to pay for themselves with no warning, then call them entitled. Do a little research on autism, a******s.
I apologize to you my child, I have two children on the spectrum so this is especially hurtful to me..... Sweetie I'm sorry but your parents are just AWFUL people. Your mom is supposed to protect you and she was supposed to be your mom but she chose to be a thirsty over some guy. I'm so sorry love!
It's worse than that. It's petty revenge. See, the mom was collecting a welfare check that was supposed to be for OP, but the checks dried up 6 months before his 18th birthday because he didn't want his mom to retain guardianship into adulthood and was deemed fit to be able to care for himself. This was retaliation and the goal was humiliation.
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I can't believe your family treated you that way. You didn't miss any ques, your family was being downright out of line. Take other's suggestions and reach out and get some assistance. You deserve better than this, autism or not. You don't do this to your family members. You support and love them regardless of circumstances. You take care of yourself and reach out, there is help out there
Once they realized what was going on, Applebee's should have quietly offered her her meal on the house and made the AH family pay for theirs 😅
First and foremost, I want to wish you a very Happy Birthday and pray a blessing for a great year for you! 😀 Everyone deserves to be celebrated on their birthday. It is literally your day! 😊 I am 42, childless, never married, and if I was ever so blessed as to have a child at my age (unlikely), I would absolutely adore them and never, never treat them the way your parents treated you! I am so very sorry that this happened to you. 😢 I did not notice any social cues, and I do not have autism. What they did to you was wrong to the point of being abusive. You deserve to be treated better than that. Anyone would be traumatized and humiliated by being treated like that. They were being completely unreasonable and rude! You deserve to be treated better. I will pray for you. I would say to contact a trusted family member or friend to help you leave. They might start acting like this more and more in the future. You deserve to live in a more loving and safer environment.
How they treated you really sucks. So your mom paid for your older brothers meal, but not for yours, even tho it was your birthday?? So you didn't even GET a dinner?? Unbelievably cruel. Autism or not, it's no way to treat anyone.
Nobody should have to pay for dinner on their birthday especially when with family. This is bizarre.
My son is turning 34 in 2 weeks and I STILL treat him to dinner on his birthday.
I’m having a very hard time understanding how Anyone could treat their own child or allow anyone else to treat their child like this! I used to be a “mommie” to a wonderful son and ever since he was four years old I raised him as a single parent. Every year on his birthday he and I had a long-standing date on his birthday. He got to skip school and he and I would go to lunch then go shopping for his birthday. Sometimes, especially when he got older we would sleep late then shop and go to dinner. It was “our time”. Just the two of us. Our last birthday date was a couple days late because he was on a 7 month deployment on a USNavy ship. I know it would have broken his heart had we not celebrated one of his most important birthdays together. It broke my heart knowing I would never celebrate another birthday with my boy after that. You did absolutely Nothing wrong you sensitive sweet thing. I know it’s going to be hard for you to accept that You haven’t done Anything wrong! ~k~💟
Honey, I'm not a patent, but at this point, I'm just wondering.....WHY THE F**K DO PEOPLE HAVE KIDS IF THEY CLEARLY DON'T CARE ABOUT THEM AFTERWARDS?!?!?!?!
Whenever I see a story like this that makes my blood boil, I wish I saw the original article and was able to comment on it. This is one of a couple stories that made me wish I had godlike powers and could unleash a terrible vengeance on some truly horrible people. But it always seems like BP is a few months behind, and when I do check there is rarely anything that interesting to me on these sub-reddits. Sadly, this particular post it appears either was deleted or the author deleted their account.
There are varying levels of autism, it is not that easy to diagnose or explain. Many variables to consider, I have experienced in meeting individuals. Stepparents should not be the ones to make decisions for the previous family's welfare
Those are literally the worst parents ever...i feel so sorry for the OP they did nothing wrong. Also here in Europe you usually get a huge party set up for your 18bd and no no one expect you to suddenly become independent at that age.
That is NO way to treat anyone, especially your own child. No apologies, they are horrible people and if I was the one who was treat like that, oh man... That Would Mean War. There is a time to teach your children about what it means to be an adult and taking care of your own stuff, but this is NOT one of them, in any way!!!
1. In general, if you take someone out for their birthday, the birthday person is never expected to pay unless they did the inviting and even then it's polite to offer to pay. 2. No fresh 18 year old should have it in their mind that they were a difficult child, particularly if those challenges were due to mental health or developmental issues. The fact OP uses this to justify their parents behavior tell me there was likely some psychological abuse going this whole time, which can be subtle. 3. The first time you take your kids to dinner and expect them to pay, you absolutely tell them before going out! I hope OP will get a job, move out, find decent found family who treat them right then realize how awful their parents were with them all along. I doubt this treatment is entirely new, it's just been subtle until now.
Uh whether you were a difficult kid or not that was a mean thing to do at your birthday dinner. Sorry, but your family arent helping with your anxiety atvall and they know it. Your family can both be loving and toxic. I wonder if you were getting the support you needed to deal with your anxiety. And maybe you'll be able to deal with it better if you had you're own place so you can figure yourself out without their influence and possible toxicity. You know my mom did something similar, the minute I turned 18 it was a bit like revenge time. Not that she wasnt problematic before. See if you can get help to find your independence in conjunction with your neurodiversity, find a job that you can manage etc. Your mom is right that you do need to start making your way, but not because you turned 18, but because you need to do what is best for you and your mental health.
This is not something you to someone on thier birthday PERIOD. And the fact that the 23yo half brother got his meal pay for is even worse. The mom claimed that OP is now an adult and knew that he doesn't have a job, but still have the nerve to say 'Oh BTW your an adult now, you can pay for your own food.' But then pays for someone who is actually older and more than likely have a job.
Wow - that was a really awful thing to do to a young person on their birthday. Weird behaviour. Don’t worry dear one about missing social cues because of autism - nobody would have seen that coming. You don’t invite someone out to dinner and then tell they have to pay. What a memory for an 18th birthday. Inexcusable.
My heart is breaking. I have 2 kids in the spectrum. Yes, it's often difficult, but I love them more than anything. I can't imagine treating your own child this way. Everything about this story makes my blood boil! Poor kid! I hope they can get away from this toxic "family" and have a wonderful life.
Being somewhat in the spectrum myself, I hope this young man Doesn't turn out like me. Overly nice, giving everybody else the benefit of the doubt, being picked on by your family....(mine was bad, but similar) Now I'm great at social cues!And I've also become a borderline sociopath. My family is scared of me now.... abs they should be..... Be careful how you choose, To deal with somebody's mental illness, or there Autism..... If somebody's only memories are from their family being mean bullies..... Watch out. Because sometimes The Person being bullied can become a better bully, Then anyone else could possibly Ever imagine
Nah LMAO I woulda ordered and then been like well I can't pay I don't have money lol. That's their mf fault for INVITING Y O U TO Y O U R BIRTHDAY DINNER OF ALL THINGS. I'll be damned if I'm paying on my birthday, fk yall imma order 50 dollars worth and yall can split the bill LMFAOOO
You didn't f**k up AT ALL. If she really wanted you to pay for your own meal, SHE SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU BEFORE YOU LEFT THE HOUSE. You need to get out ASAP. This is only going to get worse.
I have son with your same Issue he is 21 years old live at home and I still support him and pay for his birthday dinner. He doing college on line because he has hard time socializing. I would never ever do that to my child my heart goes out to you. You did nothing wrong. You should see if you could get on SSI you could always get job later get off SSI later but your parents should help you figure out a way to proceed on your own financially but I would never stop supporting my child tell I know he has means to stand on his own two feet. I'm so sorry for your horrible birthday and wish you much happiness shame on your family.
I'm autistic, and something that is common for autistic people and definitely true for me, is this kind of hurt stays with you FOREVER. Like, I will play events like this over and over in my head and still feel all the panic and anxiety from it like it's happening all over again. It may seem like an important "life lesson" to the parents, but it's a permanent mental wound to their child. This is so infuriating I want to scream 😡
Ok, so my son is diagnosed as HFA and Asperger's young man and I understand the breadth of the Spectrum (I read profusely to best help my kid from the age of 3 when diagnosed.). So, some of how you presented this misleading to those who are not aware. As I read your post, my thoughts were not at all on the parents. NOT AT ALL. You are now a legal adult (although not yet street legal). You have to live in a world that expects at least basic adult behavior and is sometimes not so forgiving of those who might move a little slower in this world. Every adult reading this post knows to adapt to change, be agile, think on our feet, and that most things don't go as planned. As a HFA and AS person, you know this too. Why was your post not about being thankful that your parents support, believe in, and trust you to move in this world successfully? You do know social cues: 18yrs w/your family and friends, K12 with IEP/504, language therapy, select seating, AP classes? Right? Time to grow up.
Yeah, no. You're part of the problem. You "read" all those books yet you have no understanding of how life actually is for high functioning autistics. What's telling is that most other adults here agree that what the parents did was terrible, and that you don't see that says more about you than the rest of us. Grow up.
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Having crappy parents is a huge burden on children as well.
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Your family are a bunch of utter shits. This is the worst thing you can do to an autistic person. To then act like you are the ahole is just.... their attitude the whole time is that they all planned this knowing it would cause so much distress. This really boils my blood. I had to spend 4 days getting my son ready to go into school breakfast club the first time he went. If I hadn't it would have been a disaster. More recently my wife was going to take him to school but he got upset as it was a sudden change in routine so I took him as normal. I hope you can get away from them and live independently or with someone who is willing to make accommodations for you.
I know. What is this obsession about kids turning 18 and kicking them out of your house? What is paying $50 for your son on his special day? I would sometimes randomly buy stuff for my babies with my blue collar income and yet we were never lacking. As a parent it is our responsibility to love our kids because they never asked to be born. It does not matter how old they get. They are still our flesh and blood.
Load More Replies... What is this weird obession with the 18th birthday? Here most kids are still in school then, after that comes uni or vocational training. Nothing you can make an independent living on. And even if they were making enough money to be independent, what an effed up way to spring it on them. Some people shouldn't be having kids.
I would bet money on the parents not doing a single thing to help the OP prepare for independent living.
Load More Replies... Oh my god I'm autistic and YOU DO NOT SUDDENLY SPRING THINGS ON AN AUTISTIC PERSON. It INSTANTLY sets off massive anxiety and the victim will almost certainly panic. The parents should absolutely have known better, and this whole stunt they pulled was just out and out cruel. And that's not even getting into the nastiness of making someone of *any* age pay for their own birthday dinner.
You don't spring it on a non-autistic person either. Inviting someone to dinner implies the inviter is paying. That is a normal social cue. If they are not paying, that needs to be clarified before hand so the guest is prepared. I was invited to a kid's birthday party once. It was at a pizza joint, and I arrived to find I had to buy own food. Would have been very awkward if I hadn't had $10 in my pocket. OPs parents are TA's for pulling this c**p.
Load More Replies... This is another post that with or without the ASD/OCD diagnosis, what the parents did was incredibly mean and disrespectful. If your going to change the rules and expectations, you talk about it beforehand. The fact they knew OP’s issues makes it even worse they would do something like this. It would be a mean joke if they were just messing with them, but sounds like they were serious. Ugh I really don’t like people sometimes. “Happy birthday! We won’t take care of you anymore! Good luck!!”
My thoughts exactly, I don't think that there are any social cues that would tell a person that actually this birthday you are expected to pay yourself. That's something that at best, you make explicit before going to the restaurant, and even then at best (read, the most charitable way you could possibly do it) it is tacky as hell to tell you that you are paying for your own birthday dinner. And secondly, anybody who doesn't have disposable income is going to be blindsighted and anxious to have a bill suddenly sprung upon them. That is a 100% complete ah move that is inexcusable.
Load More Replies... How long has this family been gaslighting OP into believing that everyone one of their s****y toxic behaviors were misunderstandings caused by OP's Asperger's?
I don't think there were any social cues to be missed at all. It is very, very, VERY strange to take a person out for a birthday dinner and then pay for everybody at the table EXCEPT the birthday person. Now that the family is refusing to talk to OP, it means that there is something else going on and this birthday dinner was just a power play by them that did not go as planned. Also, the family darned well knows what OPs diagnosis is, so passive aggressive behaviors are the WORST way to communicate with somebody on the spectrum and with anxiety. The onus is on them, not OP, to pull their heads out and come clean on what their issue is.
This is so sad, I don't understand why his/her family suddenly expected this person to instantly become an adult at 18, pay for their own meal and then berate him/her for not bringing any money to pay for their own meal. If this is a yearly thing for every Birthday why change it without saying beforehand ' Hey, your 18 now and considered an Adult, if we celebrate at Applebees this year are you able to pay for your own meal?' . At least then there would have been a choice for the poor sod :(
Oh dear, you didn't miss any social cues, you just have a s****y family. If now they suddenly decided to make a point of not paying for you, the least they should have done is discuss it with you BEFORE you got to the restaurant. That s**t they pulled would come as a shock to anyone, autistic or not.
I think it’s so sad how OP still thought that they may have held some fault in this debacle. Ik they didn’t know if they missed any social cues but still.
I'd argue that there couldn't be any social cues OP could have missed. That's something that should be explicitly stated before going to the restaurant and should never be left to social cues.
Load More Replies... I have Asperger's too, and I can tell ya those parents are pricks! OP did nothing wrong, who the hell expects the birthday boy/girl/whatever to pay for themselves??
These things don't usually get at me the way this one did. I'm a mom with what used to be called Aspergers and 2/4 of my children have emotional issues. This made me upset to the point where I want to find OP and make sure they are ok and if they ever got the Applebee's card someone in the comments offered. Anyone know how to contact OP?
I went to the reddit to see if I could send OP some $ or learn more, and they've deleted their account. The post is from like 5 months ago.
Load More Replies... This is really strange and definitely not the OP's fault. I really don't understand why the parents are being such jerks - mentioning such a drastic change to something they've been doing for years on end is not only reasonable, it's vital. How could the OP be expected to know? The fact that the parents know OP is unemployed and that the 23 year old brother was paid for while the birthday kid was asked to pay for themselves is just gross. It's nothing to do with the autism, it's the parents being jerks. No social cues missed here at all, they just decided to act weird.
We just went out with our 36 yr old daughter, her three children, husband, and the in-laws to celebrate her 10 year old’s birthday and we picked up 1/2 of the total $240 (incl tip) bill for ALL - even tho we’re the grandparents and on a fixed income.
This should be cross posted to r/entitledparents. What a s**t way to treat you kid, much less one with special needs. Wanna bet they'll be kicked out of the house on their 21st birthday? I mean, my dad came and paid for my birthday dinner last year. I turned 58 and he paid for me, his wife, my husband, our 3 kids and their SOs and my grandson. And it was way more expensive than Applebee's. (Granted the grandson is only one and doesn't eat a lot.)
No social cues were missed. Your family is s**t and doesn't deserve you. And the way you're saying things like "But I can be a troublemaker" tells me that they've been telling you that your whole life. You are a wonderful person but unfortunately, you are also an abuse victim. Also, if 30 dollars is a staggering amount of money for your stepdad, then LOL he is in NO position to talk to you about money or financial success.
He shouldn't have needed to pick up cues because if his parents wanted him to pay, then they should have straight up TOLD him beforehand, especially because he is used to being paid for. Like, this would have been a s****y thing to do to a friend: invite them over on the assumption that you would pay, suddenly insist that they pay, and then shame them for not bringing money but it seems just so malicious to do to your child. Like, wtf, and the poor op here is still blaming himself.
A few problems - 1 your parents should understand your mental health better (it's not like it vanishes when you an adult!). 2 you stated you don't work!!! Where are they expecting you to pull the money from? It's just weird!... I am also a high functioning autistic with OCD, adhd, anxiety and depression and can firmly say I would feel completely lost and hopeless and heartbroken if this ever happened when I was a teen
The OP deleted their account, so you can't reply to the Reddit thread anymore, so I'll say it here. As someone who is also high functioning autistic, what their parents did here was absolutely cruel and was specifically engineered to embarrass and humiliate OP. This wasn't mentioned in the article, but eventually it came out in the comments that OP's mom was getting a welfare check that was supposed to be theirs, which expired the day they turned 18, so that adds an extra layer of shittiness to their family. The saddest part of all of this is that the OP loves their family too much to recognize the abuse for what it is and kept defending them every time their shittiness was pointed out. My heart breaks for OP, especially since I've been in their position before.
I kinda get the whole "you're grown now" thing. BUT DAMN! Considering the statement about it being the same way every year on op's birthday it's hard to comprehend that the parents didn't mention having op pay for their own meal. Like way before leaving the house. You can be like happy birthday and by the way you're paying for your own food when we get there. That's a real douchebag move on their part. And the fact they didn't have anything to say afterwards just seals the deal. You don't take a dump on someone when it's their birthday regardless. They should honestly be ashamed of themselves. This is absolutely not op's fault and I hope after the talk they make things right.
I have a child with autism who recently turned 18, who might someday be able to live independently. Six months before he turned 18 I opened a checking account for him with money saved from his SSD since he was 9, so he could start learning to pay for his own stuff. Do I still pay for dinner sometimes? You bet. And for his birthday I dropped him and his two best friends off at his favorite restaurant, which is not an overwhelmingly expensive place, gave him what I knew was plenty of money, and reminded them to leave a good tip. Their first time out without parents.
YES!! I did similar for my son but as a little younger. He was 16 when I gave him a debit card to the acct I created years ago. Timing was perfect as HS activities (music, athletics) included travel and dining without me at the table (I was always nearby). I taught him how to order forhimself and for me. His "job" was to do well in school and in his activities. He worked hard. He is in grad school now. Some of his challenges remain but he has a good attitude and continues to work through them.
Load More Replies... U are not the a*****e... I'm betting Your family has spent a large portion of your life chipping away at your self-esteem, and your self-worth with passive aggressive attacks and remarks... Heavily veiled and/or very subtle remarks that were just enough of a loaded comment that it would spark a little irritation inside u, but always making sure those comments would have a double meaning... And taken out of context with dozens of other comments directed towards u these comments seem harmless to any outsiders who happen to be overhearing what's happening or anyone u may vent to... Thereby making u look like the bad guy... Not only that but unless u have an endemic memory (the ability to burn conversations or paragraphs or phrases word for word in both your short term and long term memory when u put your mind to it) and can recall previous veiled or passive aggressive attacks word for word they will just deny, deny, deny untill u start to doubt your own memory and wonder if maybe u are
Wrong.. if maybe u are overreacting... Let me make something VERY clear!!! YOUR NOT... It's called gaslighting and used on someone that is on the spectrum at all... Even someone who is extremely high functioning.... It's efficiency is devastating... The reason why is because its a form of misdirection that uses a system of both true comments taken out of context and lies to make the target doubt the reality that they are perceiving in favor of one the abuser tells them is real... U display a lot of symptoms of someone who has been gaslighted...
Load More Replies... There is a special place in h*ll for people like this in general, but to this to a neurodivergent person is some serious BS. I mean they raised (or I'm starting to think "raised") this kid, and should know about all of their ticks and problems. You shouldn't do this to a neurotypical person let alone a neurodivergent one! It's things like this that make me believe in eugenics. I don't care about genetic "quality" I just wanna get rid of all the a$$holes! Or better yet how about all males get vasectomies? You want childre? Then you need to be married and/or a certain age and have to pass a test before pregnancy. If you can't pass you can't have children. That certainly would have saved all the innocent children that have died at the hands of their single mothers and boyfriends lately. Don't believe me? Look it up. It's the new US epidemic.
I think this sentence explains Mom's hostility and sh##y behavior~ *OP’s mom was getting social security because of them and 6 months before their 18th birthday, it stopped, because the OP didn’t want her guardianship as they were deemed to be fit to take care of themselves on their own.* So, as in a lot of cases, follow the money. I'm sure that there are other resentments or some such nonsense happening in that family also. I just find it interesting that she would pull this b******t about money as they are at the restaurant. It was the plan all along. Get out of that house darlin.
Op needs someone to help him find a way to get away from them. No one deserves this kind of treatment.
It was the OP's birthday, he shouldn't have to pay for his dinner. especially since it's been a tradition for years. Also, knowing that he is autistic, they should have warned him many times before. Even if he wasn't autistic, you just don't invite someone to eat and then expect them to pay without warning. So, he turned 18 and they suddenly expected him to have money?
Even without the autistic part, that's a really lousy thing to do to anyone. Taking your 18 year old for birthday dinner WITHOUT confirming the "you're supposed to pay" part is an absolute d**k move from the parents.
Jesus. Whether you have autism or not.. this is messed up! Like... why would you do this in this way? Especially when you're paying for the older brothers food? Sounds to me like you wanted to purposely stress out your kid & make them have a breakdown. Like.. even ppl without autism would be confused by this interaction & how the parents did this. I would be! I feel sorry for OP.. now I wanna take them to dinner cause who fucken ruins someone's 18th birthday like this?
That is awful to read. In my family, we always will pay for the birthday person regardless of their age because it is a nice gift. I love going out and getting cake and ice cream for everyone. This makes me sad.
I have to kind of wonder if the OP pushed this. Like going out of their way to make a big deal about money in some way. I wasn't there and can't tell obviously. But the only way I could see doing this to a kid is if they went out of their way to be obnoxious about money or taking care of themselves in some way. Especially as it's a family tradition. Someone else said mom is trying to win points with step-dad and brother and that seems more likely. But...if he spent two weeks rejecting every time mom tried to help or telling her he didn't need to do what she said because he was an adult or something then I could see this as being a (probably misguided) tough love thing. Idk you just never know the whole story from one person's POV and...either mom is weirdly, randomly cruel and ignored something they've known about and dealt with for 18 years now or something more is up here. Why would they be so mad about it they refused to talk to him? Weird.
There is something more. OP's mom was collecting a welfare check every month, which dried up 6 months before OP's birthday because he didn't want his mom's guardianship because he was deemed fit to care for himself. The family was punishing him for losing access to free money that was supposed to be his anyway. These are genuinely s****y parents and OP was not in the wrong.
Load More Replies... My brother and his wife are similar to this with their daughter that just turned 18. They did pay for her birthday dinner but made sure she was well aware they wouldn't be paying for anyone else she invited and wouldn't be paying in the future. My niece is over them not helping her in anyway, and I mean any. They don't take her to the doctor, they don't even help her with something simple as mail. This was even before she turned 18. But they are quick to help her two brothers if they need anything and she's the youngest.
Wow your mom utterly missed the boat on appropriate teaching moments. A birthday dinner is the wrong time to suddenly yank the financial rug out from under you, especially without any notice that you would need to bring money with you. Just wow. Was she just trying to embarrass you and ruin your birthday? I mean, who does that? Your family are the entitled a******s here. I hope you can get away from them and never look back. This is only the beginning of the c**p, if the way they are all behaving now is any indication. Get yourself away from them and make a better life for yourself. Cut them off completely. Maybe then they will realize the error of their stupid ways.
This, in my opinion, is a prime example of emotional abuse. How much lower can you go, taking an autistic 18-year-old out to dinner, then sticking them with the bill? OP needs to get out of that house. NOW. The toxicity of that family will choke the life out of him/her.
This has nothing to do with social queues. Your parents were being mean. In fact they sound downright abusive.
What a s****y thing to do! At least warn a person. Those parents knew their kid didn't have any money. Or at least warn the kid BEFORE they order. The poor kid can't even signal a waiter without major anxiety. The REALLY s****y thing that these parents did was that they didn't even talk to the kid for DAYS afterward. This poor kid spent their bday in tears, then their parents don't even talk to them to explain why it happened that way AND they called the poor kid names. Poor kid didn't deserve any of that!
My 9 year old is also high functioning autistic but honestly, this has nothing to do with the situation. Normal communication would have prevented such a horrible thing from happening. My question is why was it ok for them to pay for the 23 year old's food but not yours? I think there's definitely something malicious going on behind the scenes! Your mom (no disrespect intended) seems more interested in making the new hubby happy instead of making sure you had a good birthday! Welcome to adulthood! Unfortunately, you'll find that sometimes those who are the worst to us are the ones who are closest to us! Good luck and happy birthday!
Okay so they invited their kid out to dinner, their kid who does not have a job!! and expected that one kid (nobody else) to pay for their own BIRTHDAY dinner. Idk if they're trying to teach "independence" or what but they're doing things so wrong
1) Being 18 doesn't suddenly make one an adult in any sense whatsoever beyond the legal context on paper. Otherwise one is still VERY young... 2) You don't just spring s**t on someone with ASD, and the mother OBVIOUSLY knows that OP does not have a stable source of income and is no way prepared to live independently. That little petty stunt didn't teach them a lesson, it simply embarrassed and traumatized them and likely set them back to a degree in their development and regulation of their mental health struggles. OP's mom probably ruined years worth of progress in that one s****y immature act. I have some suspicions that the whole thing might have been the result of pressure from the stepfather/stepbrother who have no clue how support someone with ASD/OCD or just don't care, considering OP to be a burdensome inconvenience so they're trying to push them out. The whole thing just seems super sketchy and I worry deeply for OP who might not be able to pick up on what's going on.
So this person is autistic, and these people have the gall to force them to pay for themselves with no warning, then call them entitled. Do a little research on autism, a******s.
I apologize to you my child, I have two children on the spectrum so this is especially hurtful to me..... Sweetie I'm sorry but your parents are just AWFUL people. Your mom is supposed to protect you and she was supposed to be your mom but she chose to be a thirsty over some guy. I'm so sorry love!
It's worse than that. It's petty revenge. See, the mom was collecting a welfare check that was supposed to be for OP, but the checks dried up 6 months before his 18th birthday because he didn't want his mom to retain guardianship into adulthood and was deemed fit to be able to care for himself. This was retaliation and the goal was humiliation.
Load More Replies... I can't believe your family treated you that way. You didn't miss any ques, your family was being downright out of line. Take other's suggestions and reach out and get some assistance. You deserve better than this, autism or not. You don't do this to your family members. You support and love them regardless of circumstances. You take care of yourself and reach out, there is help out there
Once they realized what was going on, Applebee's should have quietly offered her her meal on the house and made the AH family pay for theirs 😅
First and foremost, I want to wish you a very Happy Birthday and pray a blessing for a great year for you! 😀 Everyone deserves to be celebrated on their birthday. It is literally your day! 😊 I am 42, childless, never married, and if I was ever so blessed as to have a child at my age (unlikely), I would absolutely adore them and never, never treat them the way your parents treated you! I am so very sorry that this happened to you. 😢 I did not notice any social cues, and I do not have autism. What they did to you was wrong to the point of being abusive. You deserve to be treated better than that. Anyone would be traumatized and humiliated by being treated like that. They were being completely unreasonable and rude! You deserve to be treated better. I will pray for you. I would say to contact a trusted family member or friend to help you leave. They might start acting like this more and more in the future. You deserve to live in a more loving and safer environment.
How they treated you really sucks. So your mom paid for your older brothers meal, but not for yours, even tho it was your birthday?? So you didn't even GET a dinner?? Unbelievably cruel. Autism or not, it's no way to treat anyone.
Nobody should have to pay for dinner on their birthday especially when with family. This is bizarre.
My son is turning 34 in 2 weeks and I STILL treat him to dinner on his birthday.
I’m having a very hard time understanding how Anyone could treat their own child or allow anyone else to treat their child like this! I used to be a “mommie” to a wonderful son and ever since he was four years old I raised him as a single parent. Every year on his birthday he and I had a long-standing date on his birthday. He got to skip school and he and I would go to lunch then go shopping for his birthday. Sometimes, especially when he got older we would sleep late then shop and go to dinner. It was “our time”. Just the two of us. Our last birthday date was a couple days late because he was on a 7 month deployment on a USNavy ship. I know it would have broken his heart had we not celebrated one of his most important birthdays together. It broke my heart knowing I would never celebrate another birthday with my boy after that. You did absolutely Nothing wrong you sensitive sweet thing. I know it’s going to be hard for you to accept that You haven’t done Anything wrong! ~k~💟
Honey, I'm not a patent, but at this point, I'm just wondering.....WHY THE F**K DO PEOPLE HAVE KIDS IF THEY CLEARLY DON'T CARE ABOUT THEM AFTERWARDS?!?!?!?!
Whenever I see a story like this that makes my blood boil, I wish I saw the original article and was able to comment on it. This is one of a couple stories that made me wish I had godlike powers and could unleash a terrible vengeance on some truly horrible people. But it always seems like BP is a few months behind, and when I do check there is rarely anything that interesting to me on these sub-reddits. Sadly, this particular post it appears either was deleted or the author deleted their account.
There are varying levels of autism, it is not that easy to diagnose or explain. Many variables to consider, I have experienced in meeting individuals. Stepparents should not be the ones to make decisions for the previous family's welfare
Those are literally the worst parents ever...i feel so sorry for the OP they did nothing wrong. Also here in Europe you usually get a huge party set up for your 18bd and no no one expect you to suddenly become independent at that age.
That is NO way to treat anyone, especially your own child. No apologies, they are horrible people and if I was the one who was treat like that, oh man... That Would Mean War. There is a time to teach your children about what it means to be an adult and taking care of your own stuff, but this is NOT one of them, in any way!!!
1. In general, if you take someone out for their birthday, the birthday person is never expected to pay unless they did the inviting and even then it's polite to offer to pay. 2. No fresh 18 year old should have it in their mind that they were a difficult child, particularly if those challenges were due to mental health or developmental issues. The fact OP uses this to justify their parents behavior tell me there was likely some psychological abuse going this whole time, which can be subtle. 3. The first time you take your kids to dinner and expect them to pay, you absolutely tell them before going out! I hope OP will get a job, move out, find decent found family who treat them right then realize how awful their parents were with them all along. I doubt this treatment is entirely new, it's just been subtle until now.
Uh whether you were a difficult kid or not that was a mean thing to do at your birthday dinner. Sorry, but your family arent helping with your anxiety atvall and they know it. Your family can both be loving and toxic. I wonder if you were getting the support you needed to deal with your anxiety. And maybe you'll be able to deal with it better if you had you're own place so you can figure yourself out without their influence and possible toxicity. You know my mom did something similar, the minute I turned 18 it was a bit like revenge time. Not that she wasnt problematic before. See if you can get help to find your independence in conjunction with your neurodiversity, find a job that you can manage etc. Your mom is right that you do need to start making your way, but not because you turned 18, but because you need to do what is best for you and your mental health.
This is not something you to someone on thier birthday PERIOD. And the fact that the 23yo half brother got his meal pay for is even worse. The mom claimed that OP is now an adult and knew that he doesn't have a job, but still have the nerve to say 'Oh BTW your an adult now, you can pay for your own food.' But then pays for someone who is actually older and more than likely have a job.
Wow - that was a really awful thing to do to a young person on their birthday. Weird behaviour. Don’t worry dear one about missing social cues because of autism - nobody would have seen that coming. You don’t invite someone out to dinner and then tell they have to pay. What a memory for an 18th birthday. Inexcusable.
My heart is breaking. I have 2 kids in the spectrum. Yes, it's often difficult, but I love them more than anything. I can't imagine treating your own child this way. Everything about this story makes my blood boil! Poor kid! I hope they can get away from this toxic "family" and have a wonderful life.
Being somewhat in the spectrum myself, I hope this young man Doesn't turn out like me. Overly nice, giving everybody else the benefit of the doubt, being picked on by your family....(mine was bad, but similar) Now I'm great at social cues!And I've also become a borderline sociopath. My family is scared of me now.... abs they should be..... Be careful how you choose, To deal with somebody's mental illness, or there Autism..... If somebody's only memories are from their family being mean bullies..... Watch out. Because sometimes The Person being bullied can become a better bully, Then anyone else could possibly Ever imagine
Nah LMAO I woulda ordered and then been like well I can't pay I don't have money lol. That's their mf fault for INVITING Y O U TO Y O U R BIRTHDAY DINNER OF ALL THINGS. I'll be damned if I'm paying on my birthday, fk yall imma order 50 dollars worth and yall can split the bill LMFAOOO
You didn't f**k up AT ALL. If she really wanted you to pay for your own meal, SHE SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU BEFORE YOU LEFT THE HOUSE. You need to get out ASAP. This is only going to get worse.
I have son with your same Issue he is 21 years old live at home and I still support him and pay for his birthday dinner. He doing college on line because he has hard time socializing. I would never ever do that to my child my heart goes out to you. You did nothing wrong. You should see if you could get on SSI you could always get job later get off SSI later but your parents should help you figure out a way to proceed on your own financially but I would never stop supporting my child tell I know he has means to stand on his own two feet. I'm so sorry for your horrible birthday and wish you much happiness shame on your family.
I'm autistic, and something that is common for autistic people and definitely true for me, is this kind of hurt stays with you FOREVER. Like, I will play events like this over and over in my head and still feel all the panic and anxiety from it like it's happening all over again. It may seem like an important "life lesson" to the parents, but it's a permanent mental wound to their child. This is so infuriating I want to scream 😡
Ok, so my son is diagnosed as HFA and Asperger's young man and I understand the breadth of the Spectrum (I read profusely to best help my kid from the age of 3 when diagnosed.). So, some of how you presented this misleading to those who are not aware. As I read your post, my thoughts were not at all on the parents. NOT AT ALL. You are now a legal adult (although not yet street legal). You have to live in a world that expects at least basic adult behavior and is sometimes not so forgiving of those who might move a little slower in this world. Every adult reading this post knows to adapt to change, be agile, think on our feet, and that most things don't go as planned. As a HFA and AS person, you know this too. Why was your post not about being thankful that your parents support, believe in, and trust you to move in this world successfully? You do know social cues: 18yrs w/your family and friends, K12 with IEP/504, language therapy, select seating, AP classes? Right? Time to grow up.
Yeah, no. You're part of the problem. You "read" all those books yet you have no understanding of how life actually is for high functioning autistics. What's telling is that most other adults here agree that what the parents did was terrible, and that you don't see that says more about you than the rest of us. Grow up.
Load More Replies... Having crappy parents is a huge burden on children as well.
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