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“This Isn’t Middle School”: Part Of Friend Group Goes To New Sushi Restaurant, Other Friends Feel Excluded
Food allergies are no joke. Even a tiny taste of the wrong thing can put your health and even life in danger. So, naturally, you expect your friends to be empathetic. And true friends will be. However, just because you’re allergic doesn’t mean that your pals can’t enjoy the things you avoid when you’re not there.
One internet user asked the AITA community whether she was the jerk for going to a new sushi restaurant without a friend who has a pretty serious seafood allergy. Scroll down to read all about the dinner drama that very much feels like you’re back at school, in the worst way, and check out the internet’s mixed reactions to the story.
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Having dinner with your friends is awesome. What’s not to like about good food and even better company? However, people can have different dietary preferences
Image credits: Jomkwan / freepik (not the actual photo)
A woman vented online about a massive drama that erupted in her social circle. All because she went out for sushi without a few friends… one of whom was allergic to shellfish
Image credits: Drazen Zigic / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: EyeEm / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: notpickyaita
You are not a bad person if you spend time doing things you like without inviting your entire social group every time
Image credits: syda_productions / freepik (not the actual photo)
It certainly seems like the author did everything that she could to handle the situation well. She pitched a new idea for dinner with her entire group of friends so as not to exclude ‘Kate,’ who was allergic to seafood. She acted like a real friend would. She was flexible and reasonable.
That being said, the author still wanted to visit the new sushi restaurant that had opened up with a smaller group of friends. However, this caused a lot of tension in the wider social circle.
“Jen, Kate, and another friend were upset that the rest of us had gone somewhere without them. They felt that we were purposely excluding people,” she shared.
“But, to me, this isn’t middle school. We are allowed to do things as friends outside of the full group. And since Kate has a food allergy, it makes sense that she doesn’t attend a meal like this. We still have our normal scheduled dinners, just this time a smaller group went to a restaurant that another friend could not eat at.”
The fact of the matter is that, no, friends don’t have to do absolutely everything together. Human beings need meaningful, positive social contact to feel good, sure. But you also want to spend time with other people and even alone.
Not to mention the fact that just because you’re buddies with someone doesn’t automatically mean that all of your interests have to align. It’s okay to do your own thing while they focus on something else for a bit.
And real friends wouldn’t go around making you feel guilty for spending time with someone else. Especially when you know for a fact that they’ve been very flexible when it comes to your allergies, etc.
This sort of fake outrage and jealousy (masquerading as accusations that you’re being excluded) isn’t healthy. And it’s harmful to the friendship in the long run.
To be clear, your friends aren’t excluding you if they focus on their interests for a little bit, while also including you in other activities.
Food allergies are nothing to mess around with. In serious cases, you might go into anaphylaxis
Image credits: prostock-studio / freepik (not the actual photo)
It’s likely that the seafood allergy that the author of the viral story refers to is actually a shellfish allergy, where you should avoid eating foods like shrimp, crabs, mussels, octopus, lobster, oysters, squid, snails, and scallops, among other things. Your symptoms can range from mild to severe.
Mayo Clinic explains that some of the most common symptoms include:
- Hives
- Irritated and itchy skin
- Congestion
- Swelling of your lips, face, tongue, and throat
- Trouble breathing
- Coughing and choking
- Abdominal pain
- Dizziness
- Anaphylaxis
The last symptom, anaphylaxis, refers to your immune system releasing chemicals that cause you to go into shock, and can potentially be fatal. If that happens, you need an immediate epinephrine (adrenaline) injection and to go to the emergency room.
The main signs that you may be going into anaphylaxis are the swelling of your throat or tongue, trouble breathing, a drop in your blood pressure, severe rashes, swelling, nausea, lightheadedness, and fainting.
Unfortunately, we were unable to reach out to the author of the post for comment because her account got banned.
What do you think, Pandas? How would you have handled this dinner drama? Do you or does anyone in your social circle have serious food allergies? How do you work around them when you go out to eat? What do you do to include your friends in your activities as much as possible? Grab a snack and let us know in the comments below.
Most readers were on the author’s side. Here’s their take
Some folks thought nobody did anything wrong
On the other hand, a few readers thought that everyone messed up when handling the dinner situation
Not everyone saw things the same way. Some people thought the author was in the wrong
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What do you think ?
FreeTheUnicorn 2 months ago
It's weird the group is so dramatic. This sounds like a TV teen drama. But she knew it would be a thing or she wouldn't have weird and secret. It's fine to make plans with fewer than 8 people, but if you know it's going to be a issue, suggest meeting for drinks with everyone after or the next night or something.
person (i think) 2 months ago
She could have said to the whole group “hey, let’s have an ‘unofficial’ dinner next week at the sushi restaurant for anyone who wants to try it.”
Ode 2 months ago
She could have but I don't buy the argument that going only with those who had expressed that they want to try it out would be actively excluding people. She solved a conflict situation by being considerate, then afterwards made sure her needs were met
Load More Replies...
Anne Edwards 2 months ago
I think I'd just drop out of those dinner arrangements. I can't do with that high school behaviour. I'd invite a smaller group if and when I wanted company for dinner and I would never include the two drama queens.
Emilu 2 months ago
This really does sound like a group of teenagers with some of them chucking a tanty because 'they weren't invited~!' I mean, sure, Kate. Come to the place that sells *all* the seafood if you want (hives) 🤷🏽♀️. Allergies aren't fun, no. Should people expect to put their lives on hold/not enjoy something they'd like to experience for people with them (including myself)? Also no. OP was considerate enough to change the main group dinner to somewhere at which Kate could eat. That doesn't mean that OP might not want to eat there with some of her other equally interested friends, or that she's banned from doing so because Kate's allergic. NTA, and the friends that don't realise that need to grow up.
FreeTheUnicorn 2 months ago
No one should be eating sushi in the Midwest unless it's freshwater fish.
JayWantsACat 2 months ago
I know this is mostly a joke but there's a reason freshwater fish isn't used for sushi: parasites and pathogens. And, yes, seawater fish also have parasites and pathogens (and mercury). You can look into the differences if you want.
Load More Replies...
patricia patricia 1 month ago
Massive drama? Really? Not having enough food is a massive drama. Or having no money for medicines or to pay the rent. This is just a bunch of idiots with the same IQ as a mushroom and the maturity of a kindergarten kid. Yes, you are ALL a******s.
T'Mar of Vulcan 2 months ago
Sushi places (at least here on Johannesburg) often do a kind of hand roll but with cucumber instead of seaweed, and avo inside. It's delicious. People are way too dramatic.
patricia patricia 1 month ago
It really depends on how intolerant/allergic the person is. For some people, it's ok to simply avoid eating the food they are allergic to, but there are cases where the person would have a strong reaction even if the cook used the same board or the same knife for cutting cheese, bread or whatever before. Honestly, if I had severe allergy to fish I would not eat in a place where fish and seafood are the main ingredient. A restaurant kitchen is too fast paced to be 100% sure there's no cross contamination.
Load More Replies...
FreeTheUnicorn 2 months ago
It's weird the group is so dramatic. This sounds like a TV teen drama. But she knew it would be a thing or she wouldn't have weird and secret. It's fine to make plans with fewer than 8 people, but if you know it's going to be a issue, suggest meeting for drinks with everyone after or the next night or something.
person (i think) 2 months ago
She could have said to the whole group “hey, let’s have an ‘unofficial’ dinner next week at the sushi restaurant for anyone who wants to try it.”
Ode 2 months ago
She could have but I don't buy the argument that going only with those who had expressed that they want to try it out would be actively excluding people. She solved a conflict situation by being considerate, then afterwards made sure her needs were met
Load More Replies... Anne Edwards 2 months ago
I think I'd just drop out of those dinner arrangements. I can't do with that high school behaviour. I'd invite a smaller group if and when I wanted company for dinner and I would never include the two drama queens.
Emilu 2 months ago
This really does sound like a group of teenagers with some of them chucking a tanty because 'they weren't invited~!' I mean, sure, Kate. Come to the place that sells *all* the seafood if you want (hives) 🤷🏽♀️. Allergies aren't fun, no. Should people expect to put their lives on hold/not enjoy something they'd like to experience for people with them (including myself)? Also no. OP was considerate enough to change the main group dinner to somewhere at which Kate could eat. That doesn't mean that OP might not want to eat there with some of her other equally interested friends, or that she's banned from doing so because Kate's allergic. NTA, and the friends that don't realise that need to grow up.
FreeTheUnicorn 2 months ago
No one should be eating sushi in the Midwest unless it's freshwater fish.
JayWantsACat 2 months ago
I know this is mostly a joke but there's a reason freshwater fish isn't used for sushi: parasites and pathogens. And, yes, seawater fish also have parasites and pathogens (and mercury). You can look into the differences if you want.
Load More Replies... patricia patricia 1 month ago
Massive drama? Really? Not having enough food is a massive drama. Or having no money for medicines or to pay the rent. This is just a bunch of idiots with the same IQ as a mushroom and the maturity of a kindergarten kid. Yes, you are ALL a******s.
T'Mar of Vulcan 2 months ago
Sushi places (at least here on Johannesburg) often do a kind of hand roll but with cucumber instead of seaweed, and avo inside. It's delicious. People are way too dramatic.
patricia patricia 1 month ago
It really depends on how intolerant/allergic the person is. For some people, it's ok to simply avoid eating the food they are allergic to, but there are cases where the person would have a strong reaction even if the cook used the same board or the same knife for cutting cheese, bread or whatever before. Honestly, if I had severe allergy to fish I would not eat in a place where fish and seafood are the main ingredient. A restaurant kitchen is too fast paced to be 100% sure there's no cross contamination.
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