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59 Divorced People Share The Exact Moment They Realized Their Marriage Was Over
Nobody walks down the aisle planning to get divorced someday. Every couple fully believes they’ll be the ones who make it, no matter what life throws at them. But reality doesn’t always cooperate, and sometimes the person you promised forever to becomes someone you barely recognize.
One Redditor asked divorced people to share the exact moment they realized their marriage was over, and their answers were seriously painful to read. We’ve gathered them below. Scroll down to read them.
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#1
Wife went to dog-sit for a coworker for a week and it was the most peaceful my life had been in years. For an entire week, I had no stress and everything was in order. My ex was a very nice person but very hard to live with. We’re still on good terms but I don’t miss being with the wrong person. Alone is much better.
EDIT: I want to address the people asking “what made her hard to live with?”. I’m not answering because it’s not relevant to anyone but *me*. Whether you’re asking because you’re wondering if *you* are hard to live with or you’re asking because you’re hoping for justification in feeling like your partner is hard to live with. The only people who can answer that question are you or your mate.
keyboardtek 1 hour ago
I receive a daily criticism from my wife as she knows the only one correct way to do everything. They are so numerous it is impossible for any human to remember all the rules. When she is on a trip the mental defense part of my brain gets a vacation.
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#2
So his friend, him, me (pregnant) and our 1 year old ran to the city 45 minutes away from where we live. Stopped at McDonald’s, he said he didn’t have money to feed all of us, so I asked if he would atleast share with our 1 year old, he said he worked all day and was hungry. So basically no. His friend was appalled, and said I am not letting g a pregnant woman and kid go hungry, and got us food. My ex-husband had no regrets… I should have left sooner.
#3
When on our honeymoon he told me to get away from him in the resort pool. That he didn’t want any part of me touching him in the pool, not even to sit next to each other. Sad it took me 7 months after that to actually leave.
#4
My dad passed away unexpectedly. I expected that my husband would attend the funeral with me. When I mentioned something about it he said, “You know, I’m not really into that kind of thing.” There were multiple instances of him being totally self-centered, but that statement nailed it for me.
#5
When we were in couples counseling after learning about his girlfriend (from her husband via LinkedIn) and the therapist asked why we were there. I said “to work on our marriage.” His answer: “I don’t love her, I can’t work hard enough to love her, and I’m moving to CA without her.” That was a pretty clear sign.
#6
He forgot my birthday.
He cheated on me and I was actually going to forgive him for it. We were in the middle of buying a house(I was putting all the money down and in NYC!) and I basically thought I was in too deep and we could work it out. Then my birthday came, I was depressed and since we had recently moved to NYC I was very alone. My mom came down to visit me and we were talking about everything and I mentioned he hadn't even wished me happy birthday. I saw her get on her phone for a moment while we were walking through central park and within 5 minutes I got a happy birthday text from him. I knew she had reminded him. That was it.
Cancelled the house sale, got all my good faith money back, moved in with a coworker I barely knew (who became my best friend to this day), and made my ex pay me back all the money I had spent clearing his debt. I'm married to a wonderful supportive man and working my dream job now!
#7
I found out I was in stage 3, thyroid cancer. It spread to my lymph nodes and to my neck muscles. He would not take any time off work to go with me to any doctor appointments and when I was hospitalized, he only stayed few minutes at a time.
I told God I'm ready, but if I survive, I want a divorce. That was 26 years ago. Good riddance to both of my cancers!
#8
When he told me he was still questioning if he wanted to be with me or his affair partner. The next day I told him I deserved to be someone’s certain, not someone’s maybe and that I wanted a divorce.
#9
My parents gave me a car, and it needed some work, and he refused to help me. Then he suggested I sell the car to his friend. The NEXT WEEKEND he fixed it for them.
#10
I remember the moment clear as day. We were at a goo goo dolls concert and having a good time. We hadn’t been intimate for a year. I thought to myself “if I just kiss him now we can get back on track”. The next thought I had was “ nah. I never want to kiss him again”. And so I did nothing and felt relieved.
It still took me 3 more months to really recognize what I was feeling but that moment was the one I stopped feeling trapped in a bad situation and made the first decision on my own.
#12
When I found the videos on his phone of him partying in secrecy with a bunch of women that worked at our son’s daycare.
#13
He was yelling at me. He made me cry and when I begged him to stop, he got in my face and screamed “YOU LOVE THE WAY I TREAT YOU!”.
#14
In the hospital room with my 5 hour old son her phone goes off while she is at a procedure.
Get to see 100 I love you and I miss you to her ex boss.
Yes I DNA swabbed my son. Yes he is mine.
I cannot begin to explain how much it hurts to see your wife tell someone else I love you more than they have told you. Throw in the fact I decided to not say a word to avoid post partum depression and harm to my son it was the worst 6 months of my life. Hurt more than my cancer treatment did.
Divorce is almost finalized. I went to therapy I’m doing well mentally and physically and ready for the next stage of my life.
#15
I was carrying our 4 month old, walking away from him, and he pushed me from behind hard enough for me to fall. I went down on my knees and the baby was fine, but I knew there was no coming back from it. Unfortunately, extricating myself and the kids safely was neither quick nor easy.
#16
When we walked out of couples therapy and she told me I was never to mention a couple of things to our therapist again as it made her look bad.
#17
Can't speak for something that hasn't happened to me... but my best friend told me that it was less than 5 minutes after he said "I do" at the wedding... he knew he made a terrible mistake, but coudln't do anything about it... until 11 years later.
#18
My mom told me she knew she had to divorce my dad when she found out the markings on my calendar were me keeping track of how much they fought. I was in 3rd grade. I don't remember how much was recorded, but it must've been a lot.
#19
When he neglected to have the proper amount of taxes taken out of his check for almost the whole year, and told me not to worry, we could just use my hard-earned yearly bonus to pay it off. No big deal, right?
#23
When I got home from work and found a child's mitten on the living room floor. We didn't have children. But the woman my friends said he was sleeping with, did.
#24
When he had a backache and i told him we should check into a hotel with a private hot tub so we can spend romantic time together while soaking his back..He said " why would I wanna be in a hot tub with you when I can just lay here in bed watching tv"....officially knew it was done from the way he worded that response. .
#25
My aunt took me out to dinner (I even remember the dish I ate and almost 20-some years later I still can taste it) and told me about the things my cousin was going through with her boyfriend… except everything she said was something my husband had done to me. Then she put a small pile of printouts in front of me and it was all the texts I had sent my parents and brothers regarding each incident. It was shocking. She told me she had a moving van ready and my other various cousins ready to help me move out. She had a few police officers there because my ex had a habit of getting very violent.
#26
Not divorced but I was with someone for a really really long time. I found out the morning of our friends wedding I was a bridesmaid in and he a groomsman that my nana had passed away. I was also doing the brides wedding hair and makeup. I told everyone I wasn’t bailing but to just not ask me questions about it. I told him that I would like to not stay very late because I didn’t know how well I could keep it together after the dinner and during the dancing etc. we compromised and said we would stay for an hour after the dinner finished.
I asked him if we could dance and he told me no. Then when the hour was up I asked if we could head out because he had drove us there, and he said that he wanted to stay and go to an after party with some people.
I told him if he didn’t come home with me that we were over, and I was going to my parents to spend the night. I think because I had been a push over he didn’t expect me to actually leave. He said not to over react and he would be home in a couple hours.
Anyway it was 4-5am and he was drunk and obviously they dabbled with other party extracurriculars… he showed up at my parents house and came up to where my bedroom was. I yelled at him and told him to leave and that we were over.
I felt like I had the strength from my nana rolling in her grave that day at the idea of letting someone treat me this way for such a long time, and not listening to me.
#27
I had suspicions so I placed two voice-activated recording devices in my house before I left to take my 3 kids on a trip for my birthday. I turned them on right before we left, and 20 minutes in there was a guy there. I knew I needed a divorce anyway, but that made the decision easier.
#28
When she wouldn’t stop yelling and berating me in front of our 3 year old son who was visibly upset. I took him outside to calm him down. Once he did I asked him what would make things better, he responded “quiet”. I then asked him “who makes the house noisy?” He said “mama”. Contacted my lawyer that day and started the process. Hasn’t been easy, but it’s been quiet.
#29
When he told me he didn't love me anymore and I knew I couldn't keep being the only one fighting for the relationship. Turned out he'd been living a secret life with others for years though.
#30
I had changed jobs to a totally different field and was having a really hard time with my new boss. I desperately needed support from my partner, but instead of comforting me, she told me that the boss was probably right and that I sucked.
From that moment on, I knew she was gone. She asked for a divorce a few weeks later.
Before that, I had financially supported her through her new education and patiently listened for hours to all her problems. Through it all, I had been there for her - taking on most of the housework, cooking, managing the children, and working full time to support her dream.
#31
He had used MS Paint to photoshop the balance of his credit card to make it look like he had $4k less on that card than he did.
I didn’t know it was photoshopped until I saw it on the family desktop months later. But the stupidest part was how much work he went to in an effort to do this.
“We” were trying to do regular financial meetings and he always claimed my system was too difficult and he didn’t understand how to budget. So I offered to show him how to look at his cc statements and organize his charges so he could see what he was spending and how much. Then he’d be aware of the real numbers and adjust as he saw fit. He seemed to ask for help and I was going to share how I tend to mine.
I brought my cc statements to the meeting. He claimed the printer was broken and couldn’t print his statements. He wouldn’t open the app. He just had a screenshot of the current balance. I closed my notebook and told him, “idk, something feels really off about this, so I think I’m done tonight.”
The reality is that since he left me responsible to pay all the bills, fix all the overspending he did, and make things work, I had always had access to his capital one account to pay his cc monthly. You know, the kind of account that gives you a credit score refresh every month. I already knew the balance was off, but the way he acted like I was being weird and stupid was the absolute end of my ability to really try to make this marriage work.
That was two years ago, almost to the day. I’m still stuck in the purgatory of trying to divorce a guy like this. I will not miss the financial whiplash every month at all.
#32
Oh, how about when I found out he was gay. After being married for 35 years. I was very surprised had no clue.
#33
He made me spend yet another weekend with his family who hated me and who would on purpose trigger my illness (I don't want to doxx myself, but a similar example would be sneaking milk products into the food of someone lactose intolerant... not fatal, but really uncomfortable).
We got back home, and I got a call about a family emergency and he wouldn't come because he just didn't feel like it. I married quite young and it was like this wave of "this could be my life for 70+ years" and I felt like I woke up from a multi year haze. .
#34
I don't know what it is about your 30's, but something just changes. One day I woke up and realized I was happier on my own than I was in my marriage. He cheated and I forgave him. He cheated again and I forgave him again. But somewhere along the way, I found myself. I started doing things on my own and realized I didn't need him to create my happiness. I loved that man with all my heart, but eventually I loved my peace more. I'm not divorced yet, but it's on the way. It's hard, but I've learned that choosing yourself isn't selfish, it's necessary. He'll always have a place in my heart, but not everyone you're meant to love is meant to stay and that's okay.
#35
When he hit me for the first (and last) time. I tried to end it then, but agreed to marriage counseling.
Almost exactly a year later, no real change from him. We were all set to move within the next two weeks when all of a sudden, within less than a three-week span:
1) My grandfather had a heart attack and emergency heart surgery,
2) My grandma caused a car accident with that grandpa in the car just days after his surgery, which sent him back to the hospital,
3) The same day as the accident, my grandma had a dementia-fueled breakdown in which she pulled a machete on my uncle and had to be tackled by four sheriff’s deputies so she could be taken to the hospital for a 48-hour psychiatric hold,
4) My other grandpa (my father figure, who helped raise me) passed suddenly,
5) My grandma had another break in which she was violent towards that first grandpa and was placed on another 72-hour hold.
That second passed away just before the weekend we were supposed to spend packing. Instead, we pushed the move ahead a week and planned the funeral. The viewing was that Monday, with the funeral on Tuesday. Both my husband and I went back to work on Wednesday.
On Friday, I got home exhausted, trying to find some way to motivate myself to spend the whole weekend packing. Instead, my husband met me in the kitchen to tell me he’d been fired again. This was the fourth time since we’d been married 3.5 years ago and every single time, including this one, was because he lost control and raged at a woman he worked with. (Read into that what you will.)
In that moment, I was so done. But I’d already switched off the emotional part of my brain, so I focused on the practical. I said, “Okay, well, then, it looks like you’ll be taking charge of the move, since you’ll have the time for it now.” He then got upset with me for being cold and not comforting him during “the hardest time of [his] life.” It took everything in me not to say, “Yeah, well, this is the fourth time this has happened in less than four years, so you think you’d be used to it by now.” Instead, I just bit tongue, took a deep breath, and explained that we didn’t have the luxury of a breakdown right now, that we had to be adults and get things done in a very limited amount of time, and we could deal with everything else once we got through the next few days.
Let me tell you how this man looked me in the eye and told me he was upset that I wasn’t comforting him not only over the loss of his job, but over the loss of MY grandfather, because he really looked up to him and was gonna miss him. I think I just blinked at him for a solid thirty seconds while my brain went through a whole crash and reboot.
Back when we’d started marriage counseling, I told the therapist I was only doing it so that later, I could look back and tell myself I had tried everything. But that if I were being 100% honest, I had “one foot out the door and the other is not far behind it.” As I saw zero accountability or work from him over the course of a year, there was not one thing that changed my initial sentiment. Then when he came home and said he’d been fired for a fourth time, I was done. DONE. And then he still managed to push me even further so that I was triple done.
#36
I wish I filed when I asked him to watch 2hrs of TV with me a weekend when we always used to watch together and he snapped that he wasn’t gonna spend time with me if it was forced. I was pregnant with our second child. It blew my mind the audacity of him to tell me spending 2hrs a week was asking too much of him especially given it was a planned pregnancy. Turned out he was a serial cheater so any stranger on the street could get his time, not me.
#37
We had been attending marriage counselling, life was going a lot more smoothly, and we were communicating well. Or so I believed.
We were at a nice restaurant having a nice meal celebrating our fifth wedding anniversary. The evening started out fine, but as it progressed, conversation became more and more stilted to the point where he wouldn’t look at me, and he was just grunting monosyllabic noises instead of talking. When he began slouching and appeared to be pouting, I asked what was wrong. His response was, “Well you won.”
What I won, according to him, was that I got everything I wanted from counselling and he got nothing. Nothing!
I was completely blind-sided and the night was ruined. I felt sick and couldn’t finish my meal. I had been unaware that to him our marriage was a competition where each side scored points. In my mind, it was a partnership instead of a game. Right then and there, I said I was done and wanted out.
So glad I rid myself of that immature man-baby.
#38
When I had a skiing accident and couldn’t lift my arm. I was laying on the couch when he came home from work and he asked me want I did all day. And asked why I didn’t do the laundry. It was the straw that broke the camels back. I was being used.
#39
When I learned he tried to send my three children (ages 8-12, previous marriage) out of the country to a foreign boarding school (school called from Wales to confirm they had been accepted) on the same day I overheard him tell our 18 month old "those kids are not your brothers or sister....they don't have the same dad (meaning himself) as you do. Its ok, though, they are leaving...."
The divorce was final in 30 days which landed him on the deportation list as I was his sponsor, and all 4 kids and I partied like hell!
For context: I'm American....he's British Australian.
Too bad ...his accent was hot.
#40
Amongst other reasons, when he called me, the mother of his two children, both under 10, a "room mate that mooches".... he took it back but he said what he said....
#41
I got home late after my shift and he was already in bed with only the nightlight on. I didn't want to bother his sleep, so I didn't turn on the light. After a shower, I went to get dressed and walked straight into the glass door of our closet. He called me an idiot and said I was lucky to have hurt myself (solid bruised forehead and a broken bleeding toenail) and not break the glass door. I knew then that he didn't love me.
#42
When I fell down the stairs 7 months pregnant, broke/sprained my ankle (no X-rays when you are pregnant) and he refused to take me to the doctor/emergency room. Next day I taped my ankle and drove myself. Found out later that week that he not only did he have a mistress but, she was pregnant too.
#43
When he sat me down and said "What I'm about to tell you is probably going to ruin our relationship". He then told me he went out the night before and slept with a man he met on Grindr. Three months after our wedding too.
#44
When she decided to not spend time with our 6 year old on Christmas to spend two hours at the gym followed by day drinking with friends.
#45
When I was expected to drive myself to the hospital in active labor, and additionally to find care for the child I already had. .
#46
When I was working with a domestic violence victim helping her find a shelter and realized I should be taking that advice myself.
#47
Not divorced, but left a 11 year relationship.
It wasn’t all at once, it was the gradual straws that kept breaking. When I realized how dumb he thought I was, when he was fired from his 4th job, when I had to hear that everything bad only happens to him for the 1000th time, when the money he owed me reached $10k, when he ruined every fun moment for me (like putting his hands over his ears at concerts), when he told me I only had the life I had bc I was lucky, when I realized I was the only one trying to make it work.
I remember one day just thinking, I’m done. I said it, and he didn’t care bc he thought I was incapable of living without him. I can’t even remember the convo that day, I just remember where I was and the moment I just couldn’t do it anymore.
I felt SO FREE and realized I grieved within the relationship for years, so I was quite confused when I felt relieved instead of immensely sad.
#48
When I caught proof of him cheating and lying to me. Nearly losing my life several times wasn’t enough. But the absolute disrespect to bring someone into our home, shatter our glass shower, then have me tend to the countless stitches on his entire body for a month…only to learn how he truly got them…absolutely disgusted.
I recognize I should have left him way sooner. Hell, probably shouldn’t have even married him. But the cheating was my final straw.
#49
...when he told me I had to choose between him and my daughter (not his). She and I moved out of the house less than a week later. I chose.
#50
I was the sole breadwinner and sole health insurance provider for years, in support of his obtaining a bachelor’s degree, while also raising kids. After he graduated I pushed him hard back into the workforce, against his resistance. He found something that was okay for him and seemed stable.
After some months I ventured to state that I was not happy with my job and I would like the flexibility to look for other options, now that we had a bit of a buffer against financial ruin. The message was, this change is coming, please think about what a supporting role will look like.
It was meant to be a conversation opener, and over weeks and months I thought we’d talk about where I’d be applying.
In response he stayed up all night planning to go to a specific graduate school in another rural state, take the family there, and I could do “whatever” to support the family financially in that new location. So many details he was absolutely certain of and excited about, despite never talking about before. There would have been remedial classes to take as it was out of his field. And all of it would be funded with my “whatever”, however many years it took.
I realized it would never be my turn.
#51
Not a wife, but… when she said, in a fight, that I had “held a pillow over her face.”
I was freaked out. I hadn’t done that or anything like that.
I realized she was crazy and I noped out.
She was crying, saying she didn’t mean it.
Maybe you didn’t, but you said it and it was a total fabrication.
#52
I overheard a conversation between another friend couple.
I’d built the outdoor dining tables myself and at a party we were hosting my ex said “he did such a good job with these”. to them. After a minute she left to talk to someone else and the husband didn’t know I was standing behind him and he said, “ In all the years we’ve known them, that’s the first nice thing I’ve ever heard her say about him.”
That was the beginning of the end. A couple years later we had a huge fight about nothing that she conjured up out of thin air and I was done.
#53
My ex was a car salesman and never home. He worked nights and weekends, I worked days. 2 kids. We didn't spend a lot of good quality time together because it was truly hard unless you plan for it.
We went on a 3 week cruise together, just us.
It was absolute hell. I realized that we are not aligned. All I kept thinking was how can I retire and be happy with this person. Being with them "full-time". I knew that we were doomed or something had to change.
We were doomed. Marriage didn't last much longer as I couldn't get past so much.
Context: we only dated 6 months when he proposed and married 9 months into our relationship. I was young and know now that this marriage should never have happened. But in the end all good, nothing negative.
#55
It didn’t end for another month or so, but I’d say when he left my birthday party to go to the bar with his friend (who quietly told me “this wasn’t my idea”) and I really didn’t care. My friends were angrier. When he came back(because the bar was boring) one friend just shouted in his face “YOU’RE A [JERK].”
He didn’t like not being the center of attention so I’m sure he went there to let guys drool all over him.
#56
I was hanging in there for my kids. But when I started noticing my older sons getting defensive of the way their dad spoke to me, I knew it was time to let go and stop fighting for my marriage.
Also when my husband told me he wanted “adoration on the brink of worship”. I knew I could never be what he wanted.
#57
When he shouted at me during renovation work and I didn't feel anything anymore. The love was long gone, but at this moment also the anger left. I felt a calm nothingness.
After that I was scared that this scarred me for life so that I couldn't feel love anymore. My new boyfriend proved me wrong though ❤️.
#58
In therapy we said “I don’t understand what changed?! I haven’t changed”. And that’s when I realized, yah, you haven’t and you never will.
People change and it’s a beautiful thing. He was stuck and just never would.
#59
When I realized I really wanted to live on the other side of the world and she absolutely didn’t.
I was already there temporarily. She was doing great where she was - a place I never vibed with. The separation kind of happened without me realizing the enormity of it but then reading the tea leaves.
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