“You Just Assume Because I’m Vegan I Only Eat Salads?”: Sister Under Fire After Not Catering To Brother’s Vegan GF At Her Engagement Dinner
Nowadays, it’s rare to find a group of people who have no dietary restrictions. Whether it’s gluten, peanuts, soy, dairy, eggs, meat, or animal products altogether, someone will be avoiding something. So we can’t be expected to accommodate everyone all the time. But according to one woman, we should. Below, you’ll find a story that was recently shared on Reddit detailing how this vegan woman decided to throw a fit at an engagement party because there were no plant-based options on the menu.
This woman planned her engagement dinner to accommodate her family members’ dietary preferences
Image credits: Prostock-studio (not the actual photo)
But when her brother brought his vegan girlfriend along, not everyone was satisfied with the options available
Image credits: BGStock72 (not the actual photo)
Image credits: noveganoptions
Accommodating everyone’s dietary preferences at the same time can be a challenging task to navigate
Adopting a plant-based diet is becoming more and more popular all the time, but vegans are still a small minority. It is estimated that less than one percent of the global population is vegan, according to Redefine Meat. So while it would be lovely to have veggie burgers, falafel and vegan pasta options on every menu around the world, we’re just not there yet. There are plenty of valid reasons for adopting a vegan lifestyle, such as minimizing your carbon footprint, choosing more sustainable food options, concerns about animal welfare, and lowering your risk of high cholesterol and heart disease.
But the fact is that going vegan is a personal choice. It would be wonderful if every restaurant would accommodate vegans, especially because preparing plant-based food is much easier than many realize, but unfortunately, with the way our world is set-up right now, meat, dairy and eggs are default ingredients used in many products and restaurants. So vegans have to understand that they are going against the grain, and they cannot force everyone else around them to adjust their own habits to fit a vegan’s views and ethics.
Image credits: RossHelen (not the actual photo)
So it’s always wise for individuals with dietary restrictions to ask ahead of time if there will be options for them
I have been vegan for six years, so I certainly understand the struggle of going out to restaurants or attending events that have no vegan options. But the thing about those situations is that you can usually anticipate them. If I’m attending a wedding where neither the bride or groom is vegan, I do not expect them to automatically have an option for me. There is always a chance that no one else attending will be vegan, so it might be easier for me to eat ahead of time or pack snacks than it would be for the caterers to prepare one special meal. When choosing to be vegan, one has to bear the responsibility of ensuring they’re well-fed all the time. That cannot become everyone else’s burden.
When going to a new restaurant, it’s always wise to call ahead and ask if they have any vegan options. When attending an event, such as this engagement party, don’t be scared to check with the host and ask if there will be any plant-based options on the menu. Being in a situation when you’re hungry and nothing is available is extremely uncomfortable, but it’s much worse to make everyone else uncomfortable by throwing a fit or causing a scene. That doesn’t do any good for veganism as a whole if everyone assumes that vegans are whiny and entitled. Being vegan is a wonderful thing, but we must remember that not everyone is on the same journey.
Especially in this particular situation on Reddit, the vegan woman was a last-minute addition to the event, so there was no way she could have been considered when choosing the menu and restaurant. But this was also an engagement party. The couple getting married got to choose a place that they enjoy, and the whole evening should have been about the two of them. Even if there were not sufficient vegan options, the most important thing is that this engagement dinner was enjoyed by the happy couple who were being celebrated. Anyone else unhappy with the event could bite their tongue until it was over.
Vegans know that they are still in the minority, so they cannot make it everyone else’s responsibility to ensure that they are well-fed
But when it comes to how vegans can have an easier time in situations where they are in the minority, we consulted a piece that Draga Neskovic wrote for Holy Peas about How To ‘Survive’ Family and Social Events as a Vegan. Along with recommendations to bring your own food along or to suggest somewhere with vegan options to hold events, Neskovic notes that patience is a virtue for those with dietary restrictions. People will likely ask questions about your diet and choices, make jokes about it and perhaps even make fun of what you’re eating, especially when the options are small salads or sides of vegetables and potatoes. This is just part of the territory of being vegan; you can’t let these things get to you.
“Let’s try not to judge other people,” Neskovic notes. “All (or at least a vast majority of) vegans were once non-vegans. Most people don’t know about the benefits of a plant-based diet, the horrors of the meat, dairy, fur, and leather industry, and the devastating impact they have on our environment. That’s why you should be patient and willing to educate them on the matter if they are interested. Wouldn’t it be a great feeling if someone changed their lifestyle because you were a positive example?”
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Have you ever had a hard time navigating the complex world of dietary restrictions when planning or attending an event? How would you have reacted if you were in this engaged woman’s shoes? Let us know what you think, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article featuring drama surrounding different diet choices, look no further than right here.
Image credits: Prostock-studio (not the actual photo)
Readers have assured the engaged woman that she did nothing wrong, noting that her brother’s girlfriend was acting rude and entitled
So basically the brother screws up by not telling his sister that his girlfriend is vegan....and then blames his sister when said vegan girlfriend throws a tempter tantrum in a restaurant?
These AITA people really have quite mundane yet dramatic lives. Must be exhausting.
I have a lot of food allergies which restricts my diet…I’m a adult and can figure a way to keep myself fed without being a d**k.
As a Vegan of 6 years this is why we get such an awful reputation!!! She is the AH - and he should run a mile!!!
Everyone is absolutely entitled to their own diet choices, they are NOT entitled to throw a tantrum and force those choices on others. (This is not to say that if someone is AWARE of a person's dietary choices they shouldn't try to accommodate them to the best of their ability)
Does it make your blood boil when you’re told to “apologize just to keep the peace” when you weren’t the one who declared war? I think little brother must be the golden child for mom to insist sister apologize.
I'm a vegan. I would have just politely sat there and enjoyed my drink. If anyone asked why I wasn't eating, I would tell them there were no vegan options. If they had a problem with that, that would be their problem and they would be entitled for expecting to go against my morals, values and diet and eat what they ate or be upset that i wasn't eating to fit in with them and make them happy. Hopefully I could just sit there and enjoy my drink and they could enjoy their dinner. Some people like everyone to eat together and a host or hostess makes everyone comfortable. A drink would be fine for me though.
Unfortunately in my country because veganism is so rare, you'd probably get quite a bit of ragging about it, etc. I've taken to just not socialising with people who are all "alpha" and "macho" to avoid this.
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Brother should have checked the restaurant provided a vegan option. None of the others knew his gf was vegan, so it’s on him when he invited her. If vegan or with religious or medical food restrictions you better ask and check people are aware. Many people are just clueless about what food is okay and what not. If people had done their homework maybe the restaurant could even adapt the menu if you asked them beforehand.
The girlfriend could also have been an adult about it and accepted the salad that was offered to her.
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How do you know if someone is a vegan? Don't worry, they'll tell you. (jk) On a serious note, dude should dump her immediately. Top life tip: You can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat their waiting staff/bar staff and so on.
What's interesting is that the GF acted this way during her first meeting with what could be her future in laws, so that says something about her too. (Despite the flavor of the week comments, he's only 20, so still dating and not sticking to one GF for long isn't too weird for his age, and he's definitely got some maturing to do. But it's not impossible that he sticks with her, stranger things have been known to happen).
I think the girlfriend was TA. On top of being snarky, she asked for pasta-being vegan you'd thunk she'd know pasta is typically made with eggs. Sauces? Unless it's a very plain tomato sauce, most others have eggs, meat, cheese & butter. She could have gracefully had the salad & roasted potatoes/veggies w/bread & a seasoned olive oil dip.
A lot of breads are made with eggs, or the tops are brushed with an egg glaze. Regardless, a LOT of restaurants have either ingredient info on their websites or as a print out, if you ask. Then you can see what does and doesn't have eggs, milk, shellfish, etc.
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I know vegans that go to regular family dinners and are offered less choice than she was and bit ch less.
Is no one else bothered that they don't consider fish to be meat? Pedantic, I know, but maybe I've just had my fill of AITA posts...
Fish isn't considered meat for various religious food restrictions.
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As we would say in the UK... she's a twat. Bin her off before it gets complicated!
This is why I don't accept ANY requests from people wanting to bring a 'plus one' to a dinner party after the menu is already decided... that's additional work. Sis should've stayed home.
Tired of the whole "the world needs to cater to just me" attitude of today.
WOW, the brother should have apologized to you for her actions. You didn't know what his favor of the week would eat. It was his responsibility to ensure there would not be a problem. Make sure she doesn't come to the wedding. I'm sorry she messed up your special day. God Bless you..
That takes a lot of nerve to go to another person's engagement dinner and make a scene like that! It sounds like the girlfriend is very immature
NTA. Either the brother didn’t know his girlfriend very well or he intentionally instigated the conflict. Side note: Maybe if the gf ate a pork chop every now and then she wouldn’t be so snippy.
Definitely NTA. Your brother should have told you when he asked to bring her that she was vegan. That would have given you time to alert the restaurant of her needs. As it was, the waiter offered her several things she could have besides salad and she went off loudly so everyone could hear. Apology should be in their court and you should your parents and your brother that.
"How do you know when someone's a vegan?" "Oh, don't worry. They'll tell you. Loudly. And often."
Boy oh boy. Your brother really effed up. Did your mother go after him for this or does the familynstill view him as a baby because he is 20? His last minute invite to YOUR engagement party turns out to require a special diet. ( Since he never mentioned it makes me wonder how vegan she really is.) Qu8c questuin: did tje rother or gf pay for their meals or was this tantrum done on your nickle meaning you paid for your engagement party. Your mother and your brother are pretty awful. There is no peace to be had in this situation. Everyone is welcome.but all players need to learn some manners. You are not the jerk.
Isn’t it strange such people exist in the world? She didn’t even bother to check, if she did and OP couldn’t accommodate, it would be a simple “you are welcome to celebrate MY engagement but there will not be vegan options available, kindly make your own arrangements”…
NTA. This mess is all on the brother and his gf. Brother asks sister I week before the dinner if he can bring gf. He had every opportunity to mention that the gf is vegan. He did not. So they arrive on the day of the dinner and gf make a complete a*s out of herself. Whole thing could have been handled very discreetly, but gf decides to make a scene. I do think that OP should have defended herself right on the spot by saying that brother didn't tell her about his gf's dietary needs. AH brother, not wanting to risk losing new girlfriend, doesn't speak up and defend his sister with an explanation. I get so sick of hearing about these families who gang up on innocent family members for little reason. Why should OP apologize for something she had no part of? And she certainly wasn't responsible for the AH girlfriend's tirade. This same family drama scenario happens over and over. That's why I'm beginning to think these stories are fake.
I hate the phrase "keep the peace" because it is almost always misused. "keeping the peace" is NEVER keeping the peace; it is sacrificing YOUR peace for someone else's comfort, and almost ALWAYS that someone else is the person who took your peace from you. Screw that and anyone who suggests you do it in 100% of cases. Your brother's GF is an a*s and an incredibly ungrateful guest. IF they stay in a relationship beyond this (and I sincerely hope your brother is smart enough not to continue dating this person) I would not invite her to the wedding and I'd make it abundantly clear that she is not to be his plus one for the event. Have your mom tell HIM to "keep the peace" at YOUR wedding by only bringing guests that can behave themselves.
NTA, but what Italian restaurant doesn't have spaghetti with marinara?
First a good one wouldnt have marinara as tomatoes arent italian. Second was it might not have been an option for what op paid for and the gf would have to pay herself or more.
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Waiting for the update that says brother dumped entitled, rude girlfriend.
Something about this does not sit right with me. I’m not saying the girlfriends reaction was warranted, but it seems unlikely that she just “ blew her top” like that. Being a vegan for the past 11 years I havd been in so many similar situations, and the ONLY time I have ever reacted in frustration is when the people around me start making me feel guilty for just not ordering the fish and leaving it or telling me that I’m being irrational etc….(?)🤔
yep seriously, just say it is for religious reasons, it makes people back off. If you try argue it from a moral standpoint they do not accept it and want to try persuade you that a dog is significantly different from a cow and therefore you can eat one and not the other. It's a waste of time. Just say, goes against my religious beliefs.
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"Keep the peace", "be the bigger person" how sick and tired I am of reading/hearing that. These words take away your right to feel the way you, they invalidate your feelings on the matter...
Incredible entitlement, like the world revolved around her (the girlfriend). She must live in an ideal world, where there are vegan options everywhere. In my country sometimes I'm lucky to eat French fries and rice as vegan option. As my diet is my choice I get along with this option.
I'm so over vegans behaving like this, it gives us vegetarians bad press. They are so often so self absorbed and intolerant to others. Op does not and should not apologize but her brother and hus gf are really ah. As for the gf's temper tantrum it shows she belongs in a highchair with a bib
Um, I didn't even know you existed until a week ago when my brother asked if he could bring you. Maybe HE should have let me know you're vegan. BTW - you are SO not invited to the wedding.
I have to imagine there's some exaggeration or something going on, because as it stands, I cannot imagine anyone siding with the GF, but some people involved seem to be doing just that...
Um, she needs to apologize to YOU and your fiancé. Unless she stepped up and paid the bill she should shut up and sit down.
"Why didn't you accommodate MEEEE??" "Bítch, I didn't even know you EXISTED, until SEVEN DAYS AGO. Which was THREE WEEKS AFTER I already booked the restaurant!" And even then, seven days before, OP wasn't told this surprise guest was vegan. My god, the utter audacity of some people!!
Nta, brother should have said something, and this is why I will never be around vegans and vegetarians. They always have tantrums.
Agreed that girlfriend and brother are a******s and deserve no sympathy here, but this restaurant definitely needs to get with the times. Having worked in several Italian restaurants, I can tell you that it would have been a five minute deal to make her a vegan pasta.
Most likely was that thewoman would have had to pay to get anything like that. The way op talks makes me think they ordered certin options.
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I'm vegetarian, but I don't think we should impose ours choices to people. I always try to adapt to what is being offered and If I don't have any option at all, i just say I'm not hungry, to not embarrass the person who invited me, and grab a juice.
I'm vegetarian, but I don't impose my option to people... I try to adapt to what os server and If there's no option at all, i just say I'm not hungry to not ashame people and grab a juice
NTA both brother and gf are. Brother is thoughtless for not advising of gf's dietary issue and for trying to gaslight sister for their incredibly rude, childish and entitled behavior. Given the fact this took place in an Italian restaurant the princess could have simply ordered something off the regular menu AND dear brother should have paid for it as he was the one who 1. Invited her last minute and 2. Did not inform sister of her Vegan requirements despite knowing there were only 2 choices. Shame on rest of family for trying to make the sister accept any responsibility for these morons bad behavior. Seriously consider not inviting any of them to the wedding. Personally don't think the brother will be with this twit very long but he owes sister apology for ruining her engagement dinner...period!
Is it not allowed to simply order your own dish at this party inside a restaurant, the way most patrons do? I have a metric ton of food allergies to common ingredients, so it's on ME to find something I can eat, even if I have to pay for it myself.
The restaurant gave her options, she didn't want the option. Considering she was a last minute addition to a complete stranger's party ... its up to her to eat what is available. I say this as someone who has a lot of food allergies and have had to settle for less until i was able to get food i could eat. And she threw a public fit. Ban her from the wedding NTA
As a vegan myself, if I plan on going somewhere I make sure my options are in order, check out the menu ahead of time and give a heads up. People will accommodate your needs when you mention it. In this case she should have informed them ahead of time but clearly was not thinking any of this through. She seems rather new to this game or else she would have foreseen the likelihood of limited options. Then caused a scene because she probably clued into her mistake. If I go somewhere like to a friends or family members place I've gotten into the habit of bringing my own food to avoid just oh here's the salad option as well I'm not a flipping rabbit. More often than not because I do lots of pastas or well endowed sandwiches, I find that others start to steal from my plates and my baked goods. I've learned over time and also from doing motorcycle trips alone that you need to be prepared.. it's a lot easier today than ten years ago for options but it's safer to rely on yourself then others.
From the sounds of it, the brother not only waited til the last minute to ask if he could bring his gf, but also failed to mention she was vegan in the first place. NTA
NTA and I also think the GF was wrong for making a big fuss. Brother is really to blame for not saying anything. Now having said I do think it's a little strange that their was not a third option of like some pasta with marinara. I only say this not to accommodate vegans but people with other dietary restrictions. When she said meat option at an Italian style place Im guessing red meat which a lot of people don't eat for health reason. That just leaves fish Which again plenty of people don't eat due to either allergies, being vegetarian/vegan , or just not eating seafood because it makes you sick. Maybe even religious reasons. I know a ton of people that eat only poultry or vegetarian foods. I would think among 30 people you would have a couple
nah it's real I've seen my partner/s do this when they don't get accommodated for veganism. They get really mad.
Load More Replies... This is why so many people despise vegans. She could have been polite. She could have asked the waiter if she could perhaps have some pasta tossed with olive oil and veggies. Instead she just had to make a scene because ShE's So SpEcIaL. She made conscious choice to be a jerk.
So her attitude sucks. Absolutely she was an a*****e about it. But having dated mostly vegans/vegetarians for the last 18 years or so, (1) I respect their choice and try miminise meat /dairy around them, (2) I treat it the same way as I would treat Kosher or Halaal. As far as I'm concerned, it's a philosophical life choice much like to be jewish or Muslim, so I always tell them to just say it's a religious thing to reduce the friction. https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-50981359 ... It's been ruled as such in the UK. I think it's important for RESTAURANTS to carry vegan options, even if they are italian (ie dominated by dairy) or steakhouses (dominated by cow meat). Living in africa which is a very heavy meat-and-starch continent, it is generally considered weird and alien to be vegan, but our (true) restaurants here are really excellent and ALWAYS have vegan, paleo, vegetarian, etc., options on the menu, clearly flagged with icons etc. In my view, taking a vegan to a meat and dairy dominated italian restaurant is really just like taking a Muslim to a German restaurant which has beer and pork dominating. It's just a direct insult to their religious beliefs, so try be kinder about it and try accommodate in advance (restaurant's duty, not customers').
(Customers duty to go to a place with an option for everyone not restaurants job to cater to every single person) You can't go to McDonalds get upset they have no healthy options and expect them to change.
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I was a vegetarian for years and tired vegan for while. When I was served meat socially, I ate meat. I learned pretty early on that my lifestyle choice didn't obligate any one else to follow it. When it's on a plate, the animal is already dead. Making a stink about it isn't going to change any minds.
So then you were not, at any point, vegan or vegetarian. Got it.
Load More Replies... let me start by saying YES she acted like an entitled a*****e. BUT "normal people?" you mean anglo-westerners. Japanese think eating whale is ok. Mongolians and French think eating horse is ok. Guilin dog meat festival. Thai deep fried tarantula. Etc etc. Here's the point. Muslims and Jews are "normal" parts of many western countries. No one gets upset when they ask for halaal/kosher meals. So why do anglo-westerners get upset about vegans? It's another dietary peculiarity that is cultural and based on strongly-held beliefs. That they are not directly RELIGIOUS beliefs doesn't change how strongly they feel about it. If you went to a restaurant that was serving dog, and people ragged you and said come on it's delicious you look like you need to try it at least, or hey why are you so weird you don't like dog, etc etc., you'd think it was utterly disgusting, not so? Therefore , think of it from their perspective.
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So basically the brother screws up by not telling his sister that his girlfriend is vegan....and then blames his sister when said vegan girlfriend throws a tempter tantrum in a restaurant?
These AITA people really have quite mundane yet dramatic lives. Must be exhausting.
I have a lot of food allergies which restricts my diet…I’m a adult and can figure a way to keep myself fed without being a d**k.
As a Vegan of 6 years this is why we get such an awful reputation!!! She is the AH - and he should run a mile!!!
Everyone is absolutely entitled to their own diet choices, they are NOT entitled to throw a tantrum and force those choices on others. (This is not to say that if someone is AWARE of a person's dietary choices they shouldn't try to accommodate them to the best of their ability)
Does it make your blood boil when you’re told to “apologize just to keep the peace” when you weren’t the one who declared war? I think little brother must be the golden child for mom to insist sister apologize.
I'm a vegan. I would have just politely sat there and enjoyed my drink. If anyone asked why I wasn't eating, I would tell them there were no vegan options. If they had a problem with that, that would be their problem and they would be entitled for expecting to go against my morals, values and diet and eat what they ate or be upset that i wasn't eating to fit in with them and make them happy. Hopefully I could just sit there and enjoy my drink and they could enjoy their dinner. Some people like everyone to eat together and a host or hostess makes everyone comfortable. A drink would be fine for me though.
Unfortunately in my country because veganism is so rare, you'd probably get quite a bit of ragging about it, etc. I've taken to just not socialising with people who are all "alpha" and "macho" to avoid this.
Load More Replies... Brother should have checked the restaurant provided a vegan option. None of the others knew his gf was vegan, so it’s on him when he invited her. If vegan or with religious or medical food restrictions you better ask and check people are aware. Many people are just clueless about what food is okay and what not. If people had done their homework maybe the restaurant could even adapt the menu if you asked them beforehand.
The girlfriend could also have been an adult about it and accepted the salad that was offered to her.
Load More Replies... How do you know if someone is a vegan? Don't worry, they'll tell you. (jk) On a serious note, dude should dump her immediately. Top life tip: You can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat their waiting staff/bar staff and so on.
What's interesting is that the GF acted this way during her first meeting with what could be her future in laws, so that says something about her too. (Despite the flavor of the week comments, he's only 20, so still dating and not sticking to one GF for long isn't too weird for his age, and he's definitely got some maturing to do. But it's not impossible that he sticks with her, stranger things have been known to happen).
I think the girlfriend was TA. On top of being snarky, she asked for pasta-being vegan you'd thunk she'd know pasta is typically made with eggs. Sauces? Unless it's a very plain tomato sauce, most others have eggs, meat, cheese & butter. She could have gracefully had the salad & roasted potatoes/veggies w/bread & a seasoned olive oil dip.
A lot of breads are made with eggs, or the tops are brushed with an egg glaze. Regardless, a LOT of restaurants have either ingredient info on their websites or as a print out, if you ask. Then you can see what does and doesn't have eggs, milk, shellfish, etc.
Load More Replies... I know vegans that go to regular family dinners and are offered less choice than she was and bit ch less.
Is no one else bothered that they don't consider fish to be meat? Pedantic, I know, but maybe I've just had my fill of AITA posts...
Fish isn't considered meat for various religious food restrictions.
Load More Replies... As we would say in the UK... she's a twat. Bin her off before it gets complicated!
This is why I don't accept ANY requests from people wanting to bring a 'plus one' to a dinner party after the menu is already decided... that's additional work. Sis should've stayed home.
Tired of the whole "the world needs to cater to just me" attitude of today.
WOW, the brother should have apologized to you for her actions. You didn't know what his favor of the week would eat. It was his responsibility to ensure there would not be a problem. Make sure she doesn't come to the wedding. I'm sorry she messed up your special day. God Bless you..
That takes a lot of nerve to go to another person's engagement dinner and make a scene like that! It sounds like the girlfriend is very immature
NTA. Either the brother didn’t know his girlfriend very well or he intentionally instigated the conflict. Side note: Maybe if the gf ate a pork chop every now and then she wouldn’t be so snippy.
Definitely NTA. Your brother should have told you when he asked to bring her that she was vegan. That would have given you time to alert the restaurant of her needs. As it was, the waiter offered her several things she could have besides salad and she went off loudly so everyone could hear. Apology should be in their court and you should your parents and your brother that.
"How do you know when someone's a vegan?" "Oh, don't worry. They'll tell you. Loudly. And often."
Boy oh boy. Your brother really effed up. Did your mother go after him for this or does the familynstill view him as a baby because he is 20? His last minute invite to YOUR engagement party turns out to require a special diet. ( Since he never mentioned it makes me wonder how vegan she really is.) Qu8c questuin: did tje rother or gf pay for their meals or was this tantrum done on your nickle meaning you paid for your engagement party. Your mother and your brother are pretty awful. There is no peace to be had in this situation. Everyone is welcome.but all players need to learn some manners. You are not the jerk.
Isn’t it strange such people exist in the world? She didn’t even bother to check, if she did and OP couldn’t accommodate, it would be a simple “you are welcome to celebrate MY engagement but there will not be vegan options available, kindly make your own arrangements”…
NTA. This mess is all on the brother and his gf. Brother asks sister I week before the dinner if he can bring gf. He had every opportunity to mention that the gf is vegan. He did not. So they arrive on the day of the dinner and gf make a complete a*s out of herself. Whole thing could have been handled very discreetly, but gf decides to make a scene. I do think that OP should have defended herself right on the spot by saying that brother didn't tell her about his gf's dietary needs. AH brother, not wanting to risk losing new girlfriend, doesn't speak up and defend his sister with an explanation. I get so sick of hearing about these families who gang up on innocent family members for little reason. Why should OP apologize for something she had no part of? And she certainly wasn't responsible for the AH girlfriend's tirade. This same family drama scenario happens over and over. That's why I'm beginning to think these stories are fake.
I hate the phrase "keep the peace" because it is almost always misused. "keeping the peace" is NEVER keeping the peace; it is sacrificing YOUR peace for someone else's comfort, and almost ALWAYS that someone else is the person who took your peace from you. Screw that and anyone who suggests you do it in 100% of cases. Your brother's GF is an a*s and an incredibly ungrateful guest. IF they stay in a relationship beyond this (and I sincerely hope your brother is smart enough not to continue dating this person) I would not invite her to the wedding and I'd make it abundantly clear that she is not to be his plus one for the event. Have your mom tell HIM to "keep the peace" at YOUR wedding by only bringing guests that can behave themselves.
NTA, but what Italian restaurant doesn't have spaghetti with marinara?
First a good one wouldnt have marinara as tomatoes arent italian. Second was it might not have been an option for what op paid for and the gf would have to pay herself or more.
Load More Replies... Waiting for the update that says brother dumped entitled, rude girlfriend.
Something about this does not sit right with me. I’m not saying the girlfriends reaction was warranted, but it seems unlikely that she just “ blew her top” like that. Being a vegan for the past 11 years I havd been in so many similar situations, and the ONLY time I have ever reacted in frustration is when the people around me start making me feel guilty for just not ordering the fish and leaving it or telling me that I’m being irrational etc….(?)🤔
yep seriously, just say it is for religious reasons, it makes people back off. If you try argue it from a moral standpoint they do not accept it and want to try persuade you that a dog is significantly different from a cow and therefore you can eat one and not the other. It's a waste of time. Just say, goes against my religious beliefs.
Load More Replies... "Keep the peace", "be the bigger person" how sick and tired I am of reading/hearing that. These words take away your right to feel the way you, they invalidate your feelings on the matter...
Incredible entitlement, like the world revolved around her (the girlfriend). She must live in an ideal world, where there are vegan options everywhere. In my country sometimes I'm lucky to eat French fries and rice as vegan option. As my diet is my choice I get along with this option.
I'm so over vegans behaving like this, it gives us vegetarians bad press. They are so often so self absorbed and intolerant to others. Op does not and should not apologize but her brother and hus gf are really ah. As for the gf's temper tantrum it shows she belongs in a highchair with a bib
Um, I didn't even know you existed until a week ago when my brother asked if he could bring you. Maybe HE should have let me know you're vegan. BTW - you are SO not invited to the wedding.
I have to imagine there's some exaggeration or something going on, because as it stands, I cannot imagine anyone siding with the GF, but some people involved seem to be doing just that...
Um, she needs to apologize to YOU and your fiancé. Unless she stepped up and paid the bill she should shut up and sit down.
"Why didn't you accommodate MEEEE??" "Bítch, I didn't even know you EXISTED, until SEVEN DAYS AGO. Which was THREE WEEKS AFTER I already booked the restaurant!" And even then, seven days before, OP wasn't told this surprise guest was vegan. My god, the utter audacity of some people!!
Nta, brother should have said something, and this is why I will never be around vegans and vegetarians. They always have tantrums.
Agreed that girlfriend and brother are a******s and deserve no sympathy here, but this restaurant definitely needs to get with the times. Having worked in several Italian restaurants, I can tell you that it would have been a five minute deal to make her a vegan pasta.
Most likely was that thewoman would have had to pay to get anything like that. The way op talks makes me think they ordered certin options.
Load More Replies... I'm vegetarian, but I don't think we should impose ours choices to people. I always try to adapt to what is being offered and If I don't have any option at all, i just say I'm not hungry, to not embarrass the person who invited me, and grab a juice.
I'm vegetarian, but I don't impose my option to people... I try to adapt to what os server and If there's no option at all, i just say I'm not hungry to not ashame people and grab a juice
NTA both brother and gf are. Brother is thoughtless for not advising of gf's dietary issue and for trying to gaslight sister for their incredibly rude, childish and entitled behavior. Given the fact this took place in an Italian restaurant the princess could have simply ordered something off the regular menu AND dear brother should have paid for it as he was the one who 1. Invited her last minute and 2. Did not inform sister of her Vegan requirements despite knowing there were only 2 choices. Shame on rest of family for trying to make the sister accept any responsibility for these morons bad behavior. Seriously consider not inviting any of them to the wedding. Personally don't think the brother will be with this twit very long but he owes sister apology for ruining her engagement dinner...period!
Is it not allowed to simply order your own dish at this party inside a restaurant, the way most patrons do? I have a metric ton of food allergies to common ingredients, so it's on ME to find something I can eat, even if I have to pay for it myself.
The restaurant gave her options, she didn't want the option. Considering she was a last minute addition to a complete stranger's party ... its up to her to eat what is available. I say this as someone who has a lot of food allergies and have had to settle for less until i was able to get food i could eat. And she threw a public fit. Ban her from the wedding NTA
As a vegan myself, if I plan on going somewhere I make sure my options are in order, check out the menu ahead of time and give a heads up. People will accommodate your needs when you mention it. In this case she should have informed them ahead of time but clearly was not thinking any of this through. She seems rather new to this game or else she would have foreseen the likelihood of limited options. Then caused a scene because she probably clued into her mistake. If I go somewhere like to a friends or family members place I've gotten into the habit of bringing my own food to avoid just oh here's the salad option as well I'm not a flipping rabbit. More often than not because I do lots of pastas or well endowed sandwiches, I find that others start to steal from my plates and my baked goods. I've learned over time and also from doing motorcycle trips alone that you need to be prepared.. it's a lot easier today than ten years ago for options but it's safer to rely on yourself then others.
From the sounds of it, the brother not only waited til the last minute to ask if he could bring his gf, but also failed to mention she was vegan in the first place. NTA
NTA and I also think the GF was wrong for making a big fuss. Brother is really to blame for not saying anything. Now having said I do think it's a little strange that their was not a third option of like some pasta with marinara. I only say this not to accommodate vegans but people with other dietary restrictions. When she said meat option at an Italian style place Im guessing red meat which a lot of people don't eat for health reason. That just leaves fish Which again plenty of people don't eat due to either allergies, being vegetarian/vegan , or just not eating seafood because it makes you sick. Maybe even religious reasons. I know a ton of people that eat only poultry or vegetarian foods. I would think among 30 people you would have a couple
nah it's real I've seen my partner/s do this when they don't get accommodated for veganism. They get really mad.
Load More Replies... This is why so many people despise vegans. She could have been polite. She could have asked the waiter if she could perhaps have some pasta tossed with olive oil and veggies. Instead she just had to make a scene because ShE's So SpEcIaL. She made conscious choice to be a jerk.
So her attitude sucks. Absolutely she was an a*****e about it. But having dated mostly vegans/vegetarians for the last 18 years or so, (1) I respect their choice and try miminise meat /dairy around them, (2) I treat it the same way as I would treat Kosher or Halaal. As far as I'm concerned, it's a philosophical life choice much like to be jewish or Muslim, so I always tell them to just say it's a religious thing to reduce the friction. https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-50981359 ... It's been ruled as such in the UK. I think it's important for RESTAURANTS to carry vegan options, even if they are italian (ie dominated by dairy) or steakhouses (dominated by cow meat). Living in africa which is a very heavy meat-and-starch continent, it is generally considered weird and alien to be vegan, but our (true) restaurants here are really excellent and ALWAYS have vegan, paleo, vegetarian, etc., options on the menu, clearly flagged with icons etc. In my view, taking a vegan to a meat and dairy dominated italian restaurant is really just like taking a Muslim to a German restaurant which has beer and pork dominating. It's just a direct insult to their religious beliefs, so try be kinder about it and try accommodate in advance (restaurant's duty, not customers').
(Customers duty to go to a place with an option for everyone not restaurants job to cater to every single person) You can't go to McDonalds get upset they have no healthy options and expect them to change.
Load More Replies... I was a vegetarian for years and tired vegan for while. When I was served meat socially, I ate meat. I learned pretty early on that my lifestyle choice didn't obligate any one else to follow it. When it's on a plate, the animal is already dead. Making a stink about it isn't going to change any minds.
So then you were not, at any point, vegan or vegetarian. Got it.
Load More Replies... let me start by saying YES she acted like an entitled a*****e. BUT "normal people?" you mean anglo-westerners. Japanese think eating whale is ok. Mongolians and French think eating horse is ok. Guilin dog meat festival. Thai deep fried tarantula. Etc etc. Here's the point. Muslims and Jews are "normal" parts of many western countries. No one gets upset when they ask for halaal/kosher meals. So why do anglo-westerners get upset about vegans? It's another dietary peculiarity that is cultural and based on strongly-held beliefs. That they are not directly RELIGIOUS beliefs doesn't change how strongly they feel about it. If you went to a restaurant that was serving dog, and people ragged you and said come on it's delicious you look like you need to try it at least, or hey why are you so weird you don't like dog, etc etc., you'd think it was utterly disgusting, not so? Therefore , think of it from their perspective.
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