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While some families are a lot nicer than others, generally, it can be hard to substitute a step-parent with a biological one, particularly if you’ve already developed a relationship with the latter. So it’s not surprising that in many families with this sort of arrangement, there is ample room for drama, intentional and accidental.
A woman asked the internet if she was wrong for “embarrassing” her stepmother after she made some horrible comments about her biological mom. We reached out to the woman who posted the story via private message and will update the article when she gets back to us.
RELATED:
Step-parents need to be sensitive about how they approach their step-kids
Image credits: gpointstudio / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
But one stepmother decided to just insult her step-daughter’s real mom
Image credits: milanmarkovic / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ImaginaryStop6423
Blended families sometimes get a bad reputation
Image credits: peoplecreations / freepik (not the actual photo)
Some stepmothers earn a negative reputation by struggling to find their place in a blended family, often leading to misunderstandings and conflict. In many cases, the challenge lies in balancing the need to build new relationships while respecting existing family bonds. Stepmothers sometimes find themselves caught between trying to establish authority and the fear of being seen as a replacement rather than a supportive addition to the family.
This delicate balance can lead to behavior that is perceived as overbearing or intrusive, especially if expectations on both sides are not clearly communicated. Generational differences and societal stereotypes also contribute to the problem. Cultural narratives often paint the stepmother as the outsider, making it easier for conflicts to be interpreted through a negative lens.
Stepmothers may feel pressured to prove themselves in a role that is already stigmatized, and any misstep can reinforce these harmful assumptions. In some instances, personal insecurities or past relationship struggles can lead a stepmother to overcompensate, inadvertently crossing boundaries that further alienate her from the family. The truth is, it can often be a pretty hard role, where even if you do your best, the feelings might not be reciprocated.
A lack of sensitivity can hurt family relationships
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
A particularly troubling dynamic arises when some stepmothers belittle the biological mother of their stepchildren. This behavior may stem from a deep-seated insecurity about their own place in the family, prompting them to diminish the role of the child’s other parent in an effort to secure a stronger foothold.
By undermining the biological mother, the stepmother may hope to position herself as the primary maternal figure, despite the fact that this tactic often fuels resentment and division. This behavior not only disrupts the delicate balance within the family but also places the child in a difficult position, caught between conflicting messages about love, loyalty, and respect.
Furthermore, the dynamics of blended families can be complicated by lingering loyalties and unresolved emotions from previous relationships. Children may be resistant to accepting a new parental figure, and a stepmother’s efforts to form a close bond can sometimes be met with hostility. This tension, combined with the desire to be seen as a caring presence, can create an environment where her actions are misconstrued as interference rather than support. After all, communication is very, very important, but that doesn’t mean that people are actually good at it. The result can be a lot of tension and unclear desires and motivations. This gets infinitely harder when, for example, someone in the family, like in this story, isn’t even trying to be respectful.
Ultimately, while many stepmothers work hard to build loving, respectful relationships within blended families, those who live up to the negative reputation often do so because of a combination of societal expectations, personal insecurities, and the inherent challenges of navigating complex family dynamics. Without clear communication and mutual understanding, even well-intentioned actions can be misinterpreted, reinforcing a cycle of conflict that is difficult for everyone involved.
She chatted with some folks in the comments
Most agreed with the stepdaughter
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What do you think ?
BrownEyedPanda 9 months ago
Way to go, Dad! You see your second wife insulting your first wife, gets called out on it by your daughter, yet you expect HER to "keep the peace." Why, so you can "keep the piece" within access? Expect your daughter to go extremely low, and eventually no, contact with you. You earned it.
Mike F 9 months ago
Don't you understand, it's up to the dog who gets kicked to lick the hand of the b@stard who kicked it. I sincerely hope that the evil step-monster needs the OP for care. It will give the OP the perfect opportunity to say BITE ME you evil bit©h.
Load More Replies...
Janelle Collard 9 months ago
BP's poll needs a 5th choice: "Pretend stepmom doesn't exist/ignore her" (and dad also, until he grows a spine.)
Vinnie 9 months ago
If the step... ahem...mother won't talk to her, that might be an improvement.
The Starsong Princess 9 months ago
Whenever someone tells you to be the bigger person, they are really saying “eat s**t so I won’t be inconvenienced “.
Janelle Collard 9 months ago
Right? Why does the person being s**t on have to be the one to apologize + take it?
Load More Replies...
Kristen Woehlke 9 months ago (edited)
When I was married, my monster in law moved to !y state from Florida thinking she'd have a new bestie (i.e. - my mom). My mom doesn't play those games and besides MIL was a complete flaky b***h! She was at my house and was like "I moved here because I thought your mom would be my friend!". I said "she doesn't play games like you do. She's a serious person and you're not. You want to go out and do girlie things and my mom isn't girlie! She's a serious woman and you're just... Not!". " Well that was uncalled for!" She screeched at me. I said "no, your advances are. Stop trying to force my mother into something she doesn't want. She has me, she's been f****d over a lot by people who called themselves 'her friends'. She's wary, cautious and doesn't put up with a lot of foolish s**t which you seem to love!". Then I told her to stop trying to replace my mom (which she was really trying hard to do!)
Alexandra 9 months ago
Isn't it more the adult's obligation to 'keep the peace' if there is any peace worth keeping? Also, stepparents should realise that their stepkid has parents and they are not it. Dead or alive, it doesn't matter. Even if you've been there longer than your stepkids's parents, you're still not the parent. If you can't handle that, you should steer clear of dating a man or a woman with children. 70% of blended families fail in one way or another. Children seldom have anything to gain by being in a blended family. Children have the most to gain in a stable, loving and nurturing environment. That could man one parent, two parents, 2 parents of the same s*x/gender or whatever, but it does not include a woman who thinks she can erase her step-child's parent. As for connecting, you can't force anyone to like/love you. If you try, you will get the opposite.
Nils Skirnir 9 months ago
And one other point, in most of the US, if the father predeceases the stepmother and is intestate, the child could get nothing, it’s all dependent upon the goodwill’ of the stepparent, which is rare. In this case, there may well be assets of the mother that would go to the stepparent. The father must ensure that his child is provided for. How do I know this? Because exactly the same thing happened to me. Not just assets, family heirlooms dating back to the 16th Century too, went to the stepparent and then to her natural son.
Thanos'Fingers 9 months ago
Any person can avoid this by writing a will. If the stepmom gets all of the fathers assets, he a) wanted that to happen, or b) was lazy and didn't specify what he wanted to happen. In either case it's his fault his kids get nothing. Then again, the kids are not entitled to their father's wealth. If he wants to give it all to his new wife, or donate it to his church, that's his perogative.
Load More Replies...
Beth Wheeler 9 months ago
This girl doesn't owe anybody an apology. Her father needs to apologize to her! He should never let his wife treat his daughter like that or talk about her mother like that. He needs to get his priorities straight.
Tabitha 9 months ago (edited)
Luckily, OP’s 18. She’ll be out of the house and on her own soon enough, so won’t have to put up with stepmonster’s competition with a ghost and dad’s attempts to preserve his bedroom privileges with stepmonster by telling the I muted Larry—-his OWN child, ffs!—-to swallow their pride just to “keep the peace”. F**k that noise. I sure hope there are grandparents or aunts or uncles whom OP can go live with until she’s out of college (or whatever trading for her career) and on her feet.
BrownEyedPanda 9 months ago
Way to go, Dad! You see your second wife insulting your first wife, gets called out on it by your daughter, yet you expect HER to "keep the peace." Why, so you can "keep the piece" within access? Expect your daughter to go extremely low, and eventually no, contact with you. You earned it.
Mike F 9 months ago
Don't you understand, it's up to the dog who gets kicked to lick the hand of the b@stard who kicked it. I sincerely hope that the evil step-monster needs the OP for care. It will give the OP the perfect opportunity to say BITE ME you evil bit©h.
Load More Replies... Janelle Collard 9 months ago
BP's poll needs a 5th choice: "Pretend stepmom doesn't exist/ignore her" (and dad also, until he grows a spine.)
Vinnie 9 months ago
If the step... ahem...mother won't talk to her, that might be an improvement.
The Starsong Princess 9 months ago
Whenever someone tells you to be the bigger person, they are really saying “eat s**t so I won’t be inconvenienced “.
Janelle Collard 9 months ago
Right? Why does the person being s**t on have to be the one to apologize + take it?
Load More Replies... Kristen Woehlke 9 months ago (edited)
When I was married, my monster in law moved to !y state from Florida thinking she'd have a new bestie (i.e. - my mom). My mom doesn't play those games and besides MIL was a complete flaky b***h! She was at my house and was like "I moved here because I thought your mom would be my friend!". I said "she doesn't play games like you do. She's a serious person and you're not. You want to go out and do girlie things and my mom isn't girlie! She's a serious woman and you're just... Not!". " Well that was uncalled for!" She screeched at me. I said "no, your advances are. Stop trying to force my mother into something she doesn't want. She has me, she's been f****d over a lot by people who called themselves 'her friends'. She's wary, cautious and doesn't put up with a lot of foolish s**t which you seem to love!". Then I told her to stop trying to replace my mom (which she was really trying hard to do!)
Alexandra 9 months ago
Isn't it more the adult's obligation to 'keep the peace' if there is any peace worth keeping? Also, stepparents should realise that their stepkid has parents and they are not it. Dead or alive, it doesn't matter. Even if you've been there longer than your stepkids's parents, you're still not the parent. If you can't handle that, you should steer clear of dating a man or a woman with children. 70% of blended families fail in one way or another. Children seldom have anything to gain by being in a blended family. Children have the most to gain in a stable, loving and nurturing environment. That could man one parent, two parents, 2 parents of the same s*x/gender or whatever, but it does not include a woman who thinks she can erase her step-child's parent. As for connecting, you can't force anyone to like/love you. If you try, you will get the opposite.
Nils Skirnir 9 months ago
And one other point, in most of the US, if the father predeceases the stepmother and is intestate, the child could get nothing, it’s all dependent upon the goodwill’ of the stepparent, which is rare. In this case, there may well be assets of the mother that would go to the stepparent. The father must ensure that his child is provided for. How do I know this? Because exactly the same thing happened to me. Not just assets, family heirlooms dating back to the 16th Century too, went to the stepparent and then to her natural son.
Thanos'Fingers 9 months ago
Any person can avoid this by writing a will. If the stepmom gets all of the fathers assets, he a) wanted that to happen, or b) was lazy and didn't specify what he wanted to happen. In either case it's his fault his kids get nothing. Then again, the kids are not entitled to their father's wealth. If he wants to give it all to his new wife, or donate it to his church, that's his perogative.
Load More Replies... Beth Wheeler 9 months ago
This girl doesn't owe anybody an apology. Her father needs to apologize to her! He should never let his wife treat his daughter like that or talk about her mother like that. He needs to get his priorities straight.
Tabitha 9 months ago (edited)
Luckily, OP’s 18. She’ll be out of the house and on her own soon enough, so won’t have to put up with stepmonster’s competition with a ghost and dad’s attempts to preserve his bedroom privileges with stepmonster by telling the I muted Larry—-his OWN child, ffs!—-to swallow their pride just to “keep the peace”. F**k that noise. I sure hope there are grandparents or aunts or uncles whom OP can go live with until she’s out of college (or whatever trading for her career) and on her feet.
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