“Really Dumb Tweets”: 50 Pearls From Twitter Posted By This Account

Your talents are wasted there. They are robin you blind.

I'd take chem physics or math over effing dodgeball any day

Welcome to Bored Panda.

Lol this is hilarious

I actually like being an adult, other than all the stupid paperwork.

The best upgrade!!

When my dad died his brother came to the funeral and I hadn't seen him for about twenty years.....frightened the hell out of me.

One the other hand, my 3 year old wakes up at 5:00 and, with more glee than any human should have at that hour, annouces to the house, "ITS MORNING TIME EVERYBODY!!"

The hunter is now the hunted

Reminds me of a guy I know named Jay who named his son Jayson...

Double hero

I hope they’re going to give him his money back

Well excuse me but this thirtysomething doesn't like wearing a raincoat because it gets all gross and sweaty inside.

It’s a very important question

Lmao this is the best possible outcome

Or a mysterious lady dressed all in black with a black umbrella who smokes a cigarette a bit in the distance

Couple goals?

😂 my name has been Caca for over 20 years! Recently it's been upgraded to Cacky!

and then complain and demand a refund if he takes longer than 30 min

Pls break up

Is he only vacuuming because he is chewing sunflower seeds?

Everybody did this

Loyalty.

A doggo who has adopted the "cat's way of life".

Mom totally stole it for years🤣

triangle is more sandwich

I 5hought Pytagoras solved that problem years go...

Mine's a tappy tap.

The world becomes a better place a smidgen when you help the helper

The top management of Blockbuster?

The commute. It takes several cups of coffee before I can force myself to walk from the bedroom to the office, which is literally the next room!

That's how mankind works :-(

FREE PIZZA* when you buy our mini table and chairs set!

Too true!

Over sleeping only makes our bodies over tired. It’s hard to find that perfect balance.

The "other" wise man.

The A in LGBTQIA stands for Ambidextrous, everyone knows that.

He’s a government agent and was following a target he’d tracked the the airport only minutes before. They’ve been trying to find this person so long, they couldn’t risk letting them leave the country without going after them. Eyes on.

Nab and a Pepsi.

I have a friend who's autistic and last time I visited her, when she got sick of me she just straight up said something like "okay I want you to leave now". I appreciated the honesty and went home!

Errrrr... yep?

My high school started at 7:30 am. By 8 we were ready for lunch. I took an 8am math class in college and it felt like the middle of the night. :) Now that I work from home I roll out of bed 2 minutes before my start time. I haven't even seen 8am in years now.

Well, there *were* several of them. There was the yellow power ranger, the blue power ranger, the red power ranger, the green power ranger and the white...the power ranger that wore white!

I explained to my kids that the "light up headphones" and "sparkly jump rope" can be bought for a few dollars at the store down the street. I just donate $50 to the school and go buy their prizes 😆.

Leonid Rogozov... if you thing you know what tough means... check him out!

Well to be fair those 5000 calories wont stay in you very long.

I've worked in food, I would NOT work in retail. I'd probably last a week before getting either fired or arrested.

Plot twist: the next day, they will look like twins.

Sorry not sorry

Weak a*s cups

Before my epilepsy was controlled I had several ambulances called (unnecessarily, but not unreasonably) for me when I had tonic-clonic (formerly grand mal) seizures in public when I was on my own. I'm in the UK so it was just horribly embarrassing and guilt inducing (for wasting their time/resources) but I was acutely aware of the debt I'd be racking up were I in the US. Brutal.

Sloth of course

That's some pretty impressive printing & spelling for a 5 year old...Imma call BS on this

“No worries! :D” - I am very worried