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Man Sends Distracting Wife To The Back Seat Before Something Tragic Happens, She Says It’s Humiliating
Road traffic crashes account for more than a million fatalities globally each year, so responsible driving is paramount. When you get into your car, your goal should be to get to your destination safely. You can love your family with all of your heart, but it doesn’t mean that they’re perfect or beyond criticism. If they behave in dangerous ways while you’re in the driver’s seat, you have to ensure everyone’s safety.
That’s what recently happened to one man, who asked his wife, who reacts in very distracting ways, to ride in the back of the car, which she found humiliating. He then turned to the AITA online community to find out if he did, in fact, make a mistake by doing this. You’ll find the full story and the internet’s reactions below. And remember, always drive safely!
RELATED:
When you’re behind the wheel, it’s absolutely vital that you can focus on the road. However, some passengers can make this incredibly difficult
Image credits: LightFieldStudios / Envato (not the actual photo)
A man asked the internet if he was a jerk for asking his wife to sit in the back of the car after her distracting behavior put them in danger
Image credits: alexlucru123 / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Serious-Function-177
Road safety is no joke. Over a million people lose their lives, and tens of millions are injured, every year in road traffic crashes
Image credits: Michael Evans / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
It’s vital to stress just how massive an issue road safety is. It might sound harsh, but it’s common sense that you cannot and should not distract the driver.
Sometimes, we’re not aware of how our actions impact others. But if we continue behaving in risky ways even after being warned multiple times, the responsibility lies with us to own up to our mistakes and grow as individuals.
It’s important to remember that we sometimes have to (temporarily!) put our personal feelings aside for the sake of bigger priorities like safety. Something else to keep in mind is that when your partner enforces healthy boundaries, it doesn’t mean that they don’t love you. It simply means that they are setting out very clear expectations for communication, respect, and their needs. Boundaries tend to lead to more authenticity rather than less.
The World Health Organization estimates that around 1.19 million people lose their lives every year as a result of road traffic crashes. Furthermore, between 20 million and 50 million more people suffer non-fatal injuries, including disabilities.
Road traffic injuries are the leading loss of life for children as well as young adults, aged 5 to 29. However, most (two-thirds) road traffic fatalities happen among working-aged individuals, aged 18 to 59.
The vast majority (92%) of the world’s road fatalities happen in low- and middle-income countries.
Meanwhile, more than half of all road traffic fatalities occur among vulnerable road users, such as pedestrians, cyclists, and motorcyclists.
The effects of road accidents extend beyond the horrendous loss of life, too, and impact the economic welfare of people, their families, and entire nations. According to the WHO, these crashes cost most countries 3% of their gross domestic product due to lost productivity from injuries or disabilities.
Even small distractions, like talking to passengers or thinking about non-driving-related things, can lead to mistakes on the road
Image credits: Anthony Maw / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
As per the World Health Organization, transport systems have to be both responsive to the needs of users and forgiving of human error.
If the goal is to ensure a safe transport system for all road users, the main things to focus on are safe roads and roadsides, safe speeds, safe vehicles, and safe road users.
As AANT notes, backseat drivers, who judge and comment on your behavior while you’re behind the wheel, can be both a curse and, sometimes, even a blessing.
On the one hand, excessive comments about your driving can be both annoying and distracting and might make you second-guess yourself.
On the other hand, these backseat drivers can “act as a second set of eyes and spot hazards on the road.”
Whatever their intentions might be, you, as the driver, should remind all of your passengers that you’re in charge of everyone’s safety.
“Simply ask yourself if their opinion is helping prevent a potentially dangerous situation or causing it. If their comments are valid – like perhaps you took a turn too fast – consider taking their feedback on board,” AANT suggests.
That being said, it’s still best to avoid distracting your driver. Even the smallest lapses in concentration can lead to devastating results. Recent research by RAC revealed that 63% of drivers admitted to making mistakes on the road when they were distracted by internal or external factors.
Of these drivers, 43% said that talking to passengers led them to make mistakes. And 37% noted that just thinking of something other than driving led to errors. These mistakes included things like speeding, ending up in the wrong lane, missing a junction, or nearly colliding with another car, pedestrian, or cyclist.
What do you think, Pandas? Was the driver right to ask his wife to ride in the back so that he would be less distracted? How would you have handled the situation? What can your passengers do to support you as the driver, instead of distracting you? Let us know in the comments below. And, once again, stay safe on the road.
Later, the author shared more context about the situation in the comments
Most readers thought the driver did the right thing, and that everyone’s safety was the top priority
That being said, not everyone was on the same page. Some folks thought that the driver could have handled things differently
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What do you think ?
Apatheist 3 days ago
As any driver will tell you, whatever the relationship is otherwise, when you're in the car, the driver's requirements are paramount, not any passenger's. The driver is *in charge* and must be relaxed and alert at all times, and focussed on the road. At most a passenger can provide directions while reading a map.
KatSaidThat 3 days ago
NTA - she will cause an accident one day. She needs some sort of therapy, just not sure what though.
Nicole Weymann 3 days ago
If she thinks that his driving style is the problem rather than her behaviour she'll never consent to therapy. The only alternative I can think of outside of travelling separately or knocking her out one way or another would be a sleepmask and headphones with music or audiobooks. Maybe make a point of standing near her doing chores or something and near-panicking for show whenever she lifts a plate, because she might drop it. I understand that a driver pretty much has their passengers' lives in his hands, so more potential for catastrophes than washing the dishes, but that should be MORE of an incentive not to distract them. (As for the ársehats who wrote "just ignore her": I envy people who can switch off their surroundings like that. I can't. OP's wife would have had my final warning on our third trip at the latest)
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LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 days ago
This IS incredibly dangerous. If you are a passenger in a car, DO NOT be a distraction to the driver. Gasping occasionally is one thing, but making gestures/arm movements in "panic" WILL be seen by the driver - from the corner of their eye, and this can cause flinching and ACTUAL unsafe reactions from the driver. If OP's wife cannot control her anxiety or panic as a passenger in a vehicle, she may need to look into ways of helping herself deal with it, as it is NOT a safe set of behaviors to react to every little thing like this when someone else is driving a very heavy vehicle.
Norfolk and good 3 days ago (edited)
The YTA's don't drive and behave like op's wife in the passenger seat.
Emilu 3 days ago
I'd have kicked her out onto the curb last week. YTAs are unhinged as per usual. If they're so sensitive to the wife's needs they can chauffer her around everywhere and have her fussing at them. If the wife feels like she's being infantilised by being made to sit in the back seat, she should perhaps stop acting like a damn infant.
Papa 3 days ago
Exactly. One of the YTA posts above chastised OP for treating her like a child. If she doesn't want to be treated like a child perhaps she should quit acting like one.
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FreeTheUnicorn 3 days ago
Call her out for endangering her kids and for setting a bad example in nearly every way. She sounds awful, I guessing the teens are super well behaved because moms mood dictates how tense the house is. I work with kids with parents like this - can't care about anyone else even when safety isninvolved, pouty and obsessed with respect. The deep anxiety it gives the kids is not something yo be taken lightly.
Anne Roberts 3 days ago
I think the wife needs medication for her anxiety. I used to drive a family member places and she was always saying, "Look out!" or, I think we're going too fast", or whatever. This was always accompanied by gasps and near screaming which was very distracting.
Karl 3 days ago
I’m no good being front seat passenger if the driver is prone to speeding, driving too close to the vehicle in front, etc . It comes from travelling with my dad who was a shockingly bad driver. He never passed a test as he sent off 10 Bob in the post for his licence in 1952 and it showed. Also being in some near misses with a friend who developed a terrible temper behind the wheel and was always writing off his cars. My sis-in-law is the absolute worst - nearly got us both k****d when she failed to notice a lorry drifting into our lane. Sensible drivers are welcome to chauffeur me and I will drive with similar consideration in return.
The Starsong Princess 3 days ago
My mother is like this and I fully sympathize with OP. She grabbed my arm once because a light turned red. I had plenty of time to stop. She nearly got us into an accident. Believe me, the problem isn’t OP’s driving. I actually pulled over and told my mother to never touch me again while I was driving and to zip it or she could find her own way home.. the problem is rooted in anxiety and OP should do what I did and refuse o drive her until she get treatment. Cognitive Behavior Therapy is very effective for this type of thing. It helped my mother a lot.
Paul C. 3 days ago
I've driven for over 50 years including HGV and multi-stop delivery driving. Touch wood, I've never had an accident. I just loved driving my wife and her mum and dad, who were in their 80's and 90's, and never even driven a vehicle, let alone taken a test and have them pointing out a car that might be turning off half a mile ahead. I'm very proud I managed to just go with the flow, while seething inside.
Purple Gurl 3 days ago
When I was driving an ambulance, my partner at the time randomly screamed at me when we were on the freeway. I swerved into the other lane. Thank God no other car was coming. He thought it was hilarious. I asked for a different partner after that.
Ben Aziza 3 days ago (edited)
The YTA have a severe case of "s******l empathy" ........................................................................................ Ahhh... Thanks bp... for censoring a word that need not be censored... Sui cide is not something that should be ignored and shoved away in pretence that it does not exist... Why shame ppl who have to deal with that? Be they suici dal themselves or have loved one that did take their own life? I wonder why the f we have allowed/voted ppl in charge that have set up censohip and shaming as the defacto norm...
KatSaidThat 3 days ago
I mean, they censor shot - BP thinks we need protecting from real life...
Load More Replies...
T'Mar of Vulcan 3 days ago
My aunt used to do this when riding sh0tgun with my mom (me in the back seat). I'll never forget how one day there was a dog ON THE PAVEMENT (SIDEWALK) and my aunt yelled, "Watch out for the dog!!" It was nowhere near the road, just minding its own little doggie business on the pavement. My mother screamed back, "I SAW THE DOG, JUNE!!!" My aunt did not yell again while riding with my mom. I miss them both so much.
Heffalump 2 days ago
I've backseated a passenger before, for just this reason. I may be no-one's fault: the driver may be driving safely and the passenger may be genuinely unable to control themselves: being a passenger and seeing hazards without being sure that the driver has seen them legitimately _is_ scary, you have to learn to trust. Whatever the background, the bottom line is that a passenger behaving like this in the front seat is a danger to everyone in the car as well as other road users.
kissmychakram 3 days ago
My mother used to react like this when my father was driving but never when my wife or I were - OP's driving style may not be as benign as he thinks! Having said that though, over the top reactions are terribly distracting and potentially very dangerous so she needs to learn how to keep her eyes closed or enjoy the backseat.
Nikki Sevven 2 days ago
She managed to control her "uncontrollable reactions" and her motion sickness while in the backseat, so...
K Barnes 2 days ago
When I was learning to drive my mom was like OP's wife- she would loudly yell and grab me anytime there was a close-ish call (never anything that close, tbh). I got close to other cars and the curb a few times and her reaction made me distracted and closer to an accident than helping me to avoid one. I had to get my step-mom and dad to teach me because my mom's behaviour was just too stress-inducing in an already stressful situation.
Mark Childers 3 days ago
I had two buddies like this. One had been involved in a really serious rollover accident, and he freaked out any time he was on the freeway. Another just didn't like when anyone else but him drove. Both would scream at me about everything they saw if I was driving. That is incredibly dangerous to scream at the driver, especially in bad traffic while they are trying to concentrate. I finally had to have words with them that if they were in my car, they kept their mouths shut, and I'd put them out if they didn't. And about the back seat, I love sitting in the back seat. I can relax, zone out, and maybe even catch a nap. Only everyone wants me to be s*****n. I always want the back seat, and I never get it.
Ali 3 days ago
I rather dislike having my husband in the passenger seat while I'm driving, he doesn't yell a lot, but the fact he does it at all makes me nervous - I don't like driving when I feel nervous. When he is driving in his home country, I get genuinely anxious. I tend to feel nauseous in the back and often throw up. However, the choice is go in the back and potentially vomit, or go in the front and risk an accident by screaming. I always go in the back. Now, if I could just get him in the back when I drive ......
Oskar vanZandt 3 days ago
I am a very experienced driver (many miles clocked for work the past 14 or so years) and instantly know when someone is an insecure driver (induces anxiety in me). One of my best friiends qualifies- so I drive us whenever we go off hiking somewhere...
Binky Melnik 3 days ago (edited)
You “drive we you go off hiking somewhere”? What on earth kinda off-road vehicle do you have that you can drive while *hiking*? I’m imagining those absurdly huge tractor tires.
Load More Replies... Fungus John 3 days ago
"your wife is an adult woman and you're treating her like a child". she's acting like a d**n child. Put her in the trunk.
Apatheist 3 days ago
As any driver will tell you, whatever the relationship is otherwise, when you're in the car, the driver's requirements are paramount, not any passenger's. The driver is *in charge* and must be relaxed and alert at all times, and focussed on the road. At most a passenger can provide directions while reading a map.
KatSaidThat 3 days ago
NTA - she will cause an accident one day. She needs some sort of therapy, just not sure what though.
Nicole Weymann 3 days ago
If she thinks that his driving style is the problem rather than her behaviour she'll never consent to therapy. The only alternative I can think of outside of travelling separately or knocking her out one way or another would be a sleepmask and headphones with music or audiobooks. Maybe make a point of standing near her doing chores or something and near-panicking for show whenever she lifts a plate, because she might drop it. I understand that a driver pretty much has their passengers' lives in his hands, so more potential for catastrophes than washing the dishes, but that should be MORE of an incentive not to distract them. (As for the ársehats who wrote "just ignore her": I envy people who can switch off their surroundings like that. I can't. OP's wife would have had my final warning on our third trip at the latest)
Load More Replies... LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 days ago
This IS incredibly dangerous. If you are a passenger in a car, DO NOT be a distraction to the driver. Gasping occasionally is one thing, but making gestures/arm movements in "panic" WILL be seen by the driver - from the corner of their eye, and this can cause flinching and ACTUAL unsafe reactions from the driver. If OP's wife cannot control her anxiety or panic as a passenger in a vehicle, she may need to look into ways of helping herself deal with it, as it is NOT a safe set of behaviors to react to every little thing like this when someone else is driving a very heavy vehicle.
Norfolk and good 3 days ago (edited)
The YTA's don't drive and behave like op's wife in the passenger seat.
Emilu 3 days ago
I'd have kicked her out onto the curb last week. YTAs are unhinged as per usual. If they're so sensitive to the wife's needs they can chauffer her around everywhere and have her fussing at them. If the wife feels like she's being infantilised by being made to sit in the back seat, she should perhaps stop acting like a damn infant.
Papa 3 days ago
Exactly. One of the YTA posts above chastised OP for treating her like a child. If she doesn't want to be treated like a child perhaps she should quit acting like one.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 3 days ago
Call her out for endangering her kids and for setting a bad example in nearly every way. She sounds awful, I guessing the teens are super well behaved because moms mood dictates how tense the house is. I work with kids with parents like this - can't care about anyone else even when safety isninvolved, pouty and obsessed with respect. The deep anxiety it gives the kids is not something yo be taken lightly.
Anne Roberts 3 days ago
I think the wife needs medication for her anxiety. I used to drive a family member places and she was always saying, "Look out!" or, I think we're going too fast", or whatever. This was always accompanied by gasps and near screaming which was very distracting.
Karl 3 days ago
I’m no good being front seat passenger if the driver is prone to speeding, driving too close to the vehicle in front, etc . It comes from travelling with my dad who was a shockingly bad driver. He never passed a test as he sent off 10 Bob in the post for his licence in 1952 and it showed. Also being in some near misses with a friend who developed a terrible temper behind the wheel and was always writing off his cars. My sis-in-law is the absolute worst - nearly got us both k****d when she failed to notice a lorry drifting into our lane. Sensible drivers are welcome to chauffeur me and I will drive with similar consideration in return.
The Starsong Princess 3 days ago
My mother is like this and I fully sympathize with OP. She grabbed my arm once because a light turned red. I had plenty of time to stop. She nearly got us into an accident. Believe me, the problem isn’t OP’s driving. I actually pulled over and told my mother to never touch me again while I was driving and to zip it or she could find her own way home.. the problem is rooted in anxiety and OP should do what I did and refuse o drive her until she get treatment. Cognitive Behavior Therapy is very effective for this type of thing. It helped my mother a lot.
Paul C. 3 days ago
I've driven for over 50 years including HGV and multi-stop delivery driving. Touch wood, I've never had an accident. I just loved driving my wife and her mum and dad, who were in their 80's and 90's, and never even driven a vehicle, let alone taken a test and have them pointing out a car that might be turning off half a mile ahead. I'm very proud I managed to just go with the flow, while seething inside.
Purple Gurl 3 days ago
When I was driving an ambulance, my partner at the time randomly screamed at me when we were on the freeway. I swerved into the other lane. Thank God no other car was coming. He thought it was hilarious. I asked for a different partner after that.
Ben Aziza 3 days ago (edited)
The YTA have a severe case of "s******l empathy" ........................................................................................ Ahhh... Thanks bp... for censoring a word that need not be censored... Sui cide is not something that should be ignored and shoved away in pretence that it does not exist... Why shame ppl who have to deal with that? Be they suici dal themselves or have loved one that did take their own life? I wonder why the f we have allowed/voted ppl in charge that have set up censohip and shaming as the defacto norm...
KatSaidThat 3 days ago
I mean, they censor shot - BP thinks we need protecting from real life...
Load More Replies... T'Mar of Vulcan 3 days ago
My aunt used to do this when riding sh0tgun with my mom (me in the back seat). I'll never forget how one day there was a dog ON THE PAVEMENT (SIDEWALK) and my aunt yelled, "Watch out for the dog!!" It was nowhere near the road, just minding its own little doggie business on the pavement. My mother screamed back, "I SAW THE DOG, JUNE!!!" My aunt did not yell again while riding with my mom. I miss them both so much.
Heffalump 2 days ago
I've backseated a passenger before, for just this reason. I may be no-one's fault: the driver may be driving safely and the passenger may be genuinely unable to control themselves: being a passenger and seeing hazards without being sure that the driver has seen them legitimately _is_ scary, you have to learn to trust. Whatever the background, the bottom line is that a passenger behaving like this in the front seat is a danger to everyone in the car as well as other road users.
kissmychakram 3 days ago
My mother used to react like this when my father was driving but never when my wife or I were - OP's driving style may not be as benign as he thinks! Having said that though, over the top reactions are terribly distracting and potentially very dangerous so she needs to learn how to keep her eyes closed or enjoy the backseat.
Nikki Sevven 2 days ago
She managed to control her "uncontrollable reactions" and her motion sickness while in the backseat, so...
K Barnes 2 days ago
When I was learning to drive my mom was like OP's wife- she would loudly yell and grab me anytime there was a close-ish call (never anything that close, tbh). I got close to other cars and the curb a few times and her reaction made me distracted and closer to an accident than helping me to avoid one. I had to get my step-mom and dad to teach me because my mom's behaviour was just too stress-inducing in an already stressful situation.
Mark Childers 3 days ago
I had two buddies like this. One had been involved in a really serious rollover accident, and he freaked out any time he was on the freeway. Another just didn't like when anyone else but him drove. Both would scream at me about everything they saw if I was driving. That is incredibly dangerous to scream at the driver, especially in bad traffic while they are trying to concentrate. I finally had to have words with them that if they were in my car, they kept their mouths shut, and I'd put them out if they didn't. And about the back seat, I love sitting in the back seat. I can relax, zone out, and maybe even catch a nap. Only everyone wants me to be s*****n. I always want the back seat, and I never get it.
Ali 3 days ago
I rather dislike having my husband in the passenger seat while I'm driving, he doesn't yell a lot, but the fact he does it at all makes me nervous - I don't like driving when I feel nervous. When he is driving in his home country, I get genuinely anxious. I tend to feel nauseous in the back and often throw up. However, the choice is go in the back and potentially vomit, or go in the front and risk an accident by screaming. I always go in the back. Now, if I could just get him in the back when I drive ......
Oskar vanZandt 3 days ago
I am a very experienced driver (many miles clocked for work the past 14 or so years) and instantly know when someone is an insecure driver (induces anxiety in me). One of my best friiends qualifies- so I drive us whenever we go off hiking somewhere...
Binky Melnik 3 days ago (edited)
You “drive we you go off hiking somewhere”? What on earth kinda off-road vehicle do you have that you can drive while *hiking*? I’m imagining those absurdly huge tractor tires.
Load More Replies... Fungus John 3 days ago
"your wife is an adult woman and you're treating her like a child". she's acting like a d**n child. Put her in the trunk.
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