BF Keeps Mocking GF’s Cooking In Front Of His Family, Gets Mad When She Jokes On Him In Response
Every person is not a painter; similarly, cooking is not everyone’s cup of tea, because I think whipping up a culinary masterpiece is an art that isn’t bestowed on each one of us. Just look at me: the only good thing I can make is a strong cup of coffee, and I think that’s perfectly fine.
The original poster’s (OP) boyfriend definitely didn’t think so, because he kept comparing her cooking to his mom’s, and even insulted her in front of his family. She walked out of dinner and confronted him for it, but this just angered him!
More info: Reddit
Not everyone is a culinary expert, and there’s no harm in that, but some people fail to understand this
Image credits: Vidal Balielo Jr. / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The poster’s boyfriend knows how passionate she is about cooking, yet he constantly compares her to his mother, especially when it comes to her lasagna
Image credits: WhisperingOceans3
Image credits: fauxels / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Before they left for a family dinner at his parents’ house, he kept commenting that she would finally learn how to make lasagna properly, and this hurt her
Image credits: WhisperingOceans3
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
He even went on to insult her lasagna in front of his family who simply laughed at it, and feeling hurt and humiliated, the poster walked out
Image credits: WhisperingOceans3
He said she was overreacting so she told him to date his mom’s cooking instead, but this angered him as he said that she ruined the night and expected an apology from her
Today, the protagonist of our story, WhisperingOceans3, tells us about the fiasco that unfolded because of her boyfriend of one year. She gives us a little backstory: although she’s not a professional, she loves to cook and her boyfriend is well aware of how passionate she is about it.
This never deterred him from constantly comparing her cooking to his mother’s cooking, especially when it came to his mom’s lasagna. It has been observed that there’s a scientific reason—which involves enzymes and digestion—why we love our mom’s cooking, but shouldn’t a person be considerate when their partner cooks for them?
Well, apparently not so, because before leaving for a family dinner at his parents’ house, OP’s boyfriend taunted her that she should finally learn how to cook lasagna properly, and hers definitely needed improvement. Of course, she was hurt by this, but chose not to say anything. Little did she know what was to come!
The boyfriend had the audacity to insult her in front of his family by claiming she couldn’t cook lasagna, and he even went into detail explaining it. During all this, the family was simply laughing, so feeling extremely hurt and humiliated, OP walked out. When he came out, she told him how his comments hurt her, but he just brushed it off, saying she was “overreacting” to a “joke” and she shouldn’t be too “sensitive”.
Now the poster was upset, so she retaliated by saying that he should date his mother’s cooking instead, but the tiny ego of the mama’s boy couldn’t handle this. In a fit of rage, he said that she had ruined the night, and they’ve barely spoken since, as he expects an apology from her. Ugh, the absurdity of it all was definitely a facepalm-worthy moment!
Anyway, after OP vented online, folks didn’t shy away from mocking the mama’s boy and calling out his toxic behavior.
Image credits: wirestock / Freepik (not the actual photo)
As per One Love Foundation, “The cumulative effect of belittling causes harm by wearing you down and slowly chipping away at your self-esteem. If the belittler accuses you of being too sensitive, causing you to question your own account of what happened, this is not just belittling, but another form of emotional abuse called gaslighting.”
People mentioned that the mama’s boy simply wanted to be the center of attention and his comments were surely no jokes but he was clearly demeaning her. Later, when she confronted him, he said that she was being too sensitive, but when she retaliated, that affronted him. How ridiculous does that sound? He can dish it, but he can’t eat it, apparently.
Research suggests that more than 12 million people in the U.S. report emotional abuse from an intimate partner, and it’s more common than physical abuse. Netizens pointed out that by the way he humiliated and dismissed her, it was pretty obvious that the fellow sounded like a serial emotional abuser, and even research says the same thing.
Another important aspect that Redditors pointed out was how indifferent his family was when he disrespected her; forget calling him out, they just sat there laughing at her. Now, of course, pointing fingers is bad, but if the family is like that, guess we can understand where the boyfriend gets it from.
Many people advised her that she shouldn’t waste her cooking on such an ungrateful fellow, and it would be better to leave him. They even said that when he constantly used her as the butt of his jokes, he was merely putting his immaturity out on display for everyone to see, but of course, his family was probably too blinded by love for him to see it.
If you were in her shoes, would you dump him or sit down and have a conversation? Let us know in the comments!
Folks said that the mama’s boy just wanted to be the center of attention while dismissing and emotionally mistreating her, they even advised her to dump him
In relationships, mutual respect is essential, especially when it comes to how partners treat each other in front of family.
The dynamic described here echoes challenges seen when loved ones fail to protect or stand up for each other, similar to situations where family members’ prejudices create conflict, as explored in navigating difficult family interactions due to personal biases.
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Yes, and this is his behavior after a year, it will really ramp up when he feels really secure that she won't leave, so here's hoping she runs for her life.
Load More Replies..."Well we know it was at least better than boyfriends lasagna since apparently he can't cook at all haha! He has to have me cook all his meals like his mommy did lol. Oh he's so helpless when it comes to basic life skills haha!"......"Why are you mad babe, I was just joking around like you guys were? You're so sensitive can't you take a joke! God you ruined the whole meal!"
If he likes his mom's cooking that much, why don't he date her then ? That's way he'll have mommy's lasagna forever.
Seems like he already is, at least gustatorially.
Load More Replies...Tip for women on this site or blog or whatever it is: stop f’ing second guessing yourself in these situations. Your (hopefully) ex-BF is a manipulative jackhole. Run.
My ex always asked for my lasagna. The first time he made a joke about my grandmother's depression era recipe, I told him he would never get it again and he didn't no matter how many times he asked.
I was married to a manwho woul do the same thing to me. It will never end. Run now.
OP deserves better. It'd be one thing if it's a mutual barb. I'm clumsy. I know it. I joke about it. I have a reconstructed shoulder to confirm it. It doesn't bother me if my husband says something like, I'll wait until you get back downstairs before I leave, just in case
Jokes are things everyone present finds funny; just another man covering his bad behaviour by saying women can't take a joke
Anyone who responds to things like this with "it's just a joke" is always the a*****e. They're just not "man" enough to insult you to your face so these cowards have to hide being "it's just a joke" so they can turn it around on you. They're cowards. Don't abide this behavior. Life is too short to have a******s like this make your life miserable.
If I was in the position of OP I would start making jokes with his small piu piu.
I would've snapped the moment he lied that OP had burned the sauce. No problem with being made fun of, I make mistakes and have my stupid moments, but the SECOND blatant lies enter the picture, you're begging for pain and just don't know it yet. "I didn't burn the sauce. I wonder why you feel the need to make up a lie. Come to think of it, why do you feel the need to make fun of me in front of your family?" And then watch him stutter and struggle.
Please tell me she got rid of this emotionally stunted, mom - fixated manbaby and moved on. JFC
Nope bf gaslit into believing it was all her fault and ended up apologizing to him and the family...
Load More Replies...Update here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1fp4db0/update_aita_for_walking_out_of_dinner_after_my/
A decent person, in this situation, says "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings."
A decent family, in this situation after the first laugh or two would steer the conversation away from teasing her.
Load More Replies...I would've dumped my plate of lasagna in his lap before I walked out the door.
"Just a joke" is the rallying cry of every bully on the planet. I truly hope he's now her ex. He was never her boyfriend -- he was her bully. And "lighten up" "don't be so serious" and all those excuses are gaslighting the victim of the bullying into believing they are the one in the wrong.
Ditch this azzhole. Find someone who appreciates a woman that loves to cook. The last time someone cooked for me it was a t a restaraunt. I do and have done ALL of the cooking for my family since jump street!
Run girl, run fast and run far, let him date his mother and her damn lasagna 1st 🚩 You're too sensitive 2nd 🚩 You're overreacting 3rd 🚩 It's just a joke
“ He said I need to stop being so sensitive and learn to take a joke” classic mantra of bullies everywhere. Get out, girl.
"Learn to take a joke", "Lighten up" are code for "I will never stop belittling and humliating you so get used to it."
Actually, why doesn't HE learn to make lasagna according to his mom's recipe? It could become his family recipe, and something he gets to pass on to his kids... (Although, with behaviour like that I wouldn't bet on him ever having kids)
Even if his mother's lasagna was superior, he was a total AH for mocking her, making fun of her and the rest of his ah family is same for laughing at OP's expense. I think OP needs to get away from him, but I am guessing she is living with him so that will make it much harder.
She should dump him, make a lasagna, and bring it to his parents' place as a"peace offering". Make sure it's fully covered and just call it a dish you made yourself
Bullying and making jokes at someone's expense is not a joke. Saying that it is is gaslighting. So toxic. Leave his sorry a$$.
Tell the boyfriend to learn to make his mom's lasagna. Then he can show OP, and she can decide if she wants to modify hers or not. It might just be that he's used to mom's lasagna. Perhaps the rest of the family would appreciate OP's lasagna.
The BF is a narcissist, and if this is how he is now, it will only be worse if they marry. She needs to dump him now because there is no fixing a narcissist or getting them to change their ways. He will tear her down over time until she doubts everything about herself. The fact she is asking if she is the AH shows she is already being affected in that way.
Actually, she could have just said ,I'd love to learn how to make lasagna like this ,would you have time to teach me at some point please ? He was obviously trying to upset her ,so if she showed she wasn't the least bothered by it ,he hasn't gained anything. Then she should leave him and keep well away .He sounds like a total creep
Make sure you have it out with him properly and come to a decision that you will be able to live with. My husband is like this too, he wasn’t as bad when we first got married. His sense of humour has always been weird but not as down as now. I was married in 1985 & still am, I would lose more than I gain by getting out now. But you are young & only been there a short time, my advice to you is get your runners on girl and get out of there. He won’t change only get worse, you will end up in a prison. He’s not for you. GO.
It's only "a joke" if everyone is laughing. Hand him a jar of peanut butter and a loaf of bread.
Made a REALLY great lasagna for my ex when we were first married for his birthday. Monster in law made one too (one that my Italian grandmother would be rolling in her grave over!) with jarred sauce and *gag* cottage cheese. She looked at me and said "Now this is real Italian lasagna!" I told her that she was delusional and to get checked for dementia before she made any more faux pas like that one again! Then we all got sick from the cottage cheese..
There is no scenario in which this so called relationship csn be salvaged and if thats how this garbage acts he deserves to d*e alone. No one should EVER put up with that.
Wow. First he insults her cooking to her face, keeps doing it, and then does it again in front of his family - and they all join in. If this is real then it's definitely a good reason to dump this loser.
there is nothing wrong with her behavior,her boyfriend is being an a*****e
Did I go too far? HELL NO! Your boyfriend is displaying all the hallmarks of a Narcisit and his mum the controlling needy lead. He demeans you in public making jokes at your expense to gain favour and attention. His tells you you are exaggeration if and are too sensitive is gaslighting and meant for you to question your inituition question your boundries and attack your value as a human. His His blaming you for ruining the dinner is deflecting the cause of your leaving which was his need to devalue you and his accusation of you being the problem and that you have to change is Projecting which over time will reduce you to puppet status. The fact that they were all laughing and that no one stood up for you proves that this is a family affair. Get out while you still can. This is a systemic illness that simply won't change. You're young and there is a great respectful man out there waiting for you. Chalk it up to a learning experience, brush it off and go.
If mom's lasagne was that good, boyfriend should have asked her to teach him how to make it so he could have it any time, and maybe also impress those he cares about.
He is an a*****e. Now I am going to say something that a lot of people will disagree with. I don't care. To this a*****e's mom, WHAT the f**k lady? My son tried to pull that s**t with his wife. You need to learn to cook like mom, I like the way mom makes fill in blank. She looked so hurt. I was so pissed that my son who knew better than to say s**t like that. So I looked at him and ripped him a new one for his disrespect. Told him I had better never hear him say that again. I said I make food my way, she makes it her way. Both are right and he can just f**k his attitude right out of my house. Next time I ate at her house, I asked for her recipe for her main dish. Ladies, hold up our DIL. I don't care. Here is the kicker, she and aren't close, differ on a lot of s**t and sometimes don't like each other, but you still hold them up.
Run. He's emotionally abusive, manipulative, and likes to gaslight. My dad is like this with "teasing" and gets really mad when anyone calls him on it, insisting it's just humour. My mum's put up with it for almost fifty years. OP should just get out now, count herself lucky, and move on with her life.
This guy is not only emotionally immature but abusive and his family is composite. Sounds like a Narcisit to me: His need to elevate his mum at your expense implies that his significance centres around him having to stroke her ego. His need to cut you down elevates his as he likely hasn't been brought up in a healthy environment himself but that is no excuse for his behaviour. He gaslights you when he says you are blowing it out of proportion or are being too sensitive, you're not. Your perception is bang on, ignore those comments. He also projects and deflects. He is the cause, your walking out is the outcome. No one is to blame but him and is baby ego and dysfunctional relationship with his family. News flash- This ain't going to get better, only worse. Today it's your food, tomorrow it will be everything else. Get out before he destroys you.
You have to wonder if his put downs were his way of showing or testing that he had power over her. I mean, in front of his family? What kind of people are they that they are ok with this and didn't notice she was upset? If I were the mom in this situation my boy would be getting an earful.
one joke may be ok, but insisting to keep on is just disgusting and even the mother don't take any effort to make this situation less akward. What a bunch of morons.. I would totally fire back at him:" well if you learn someday how to heat the oven you may produce something delicious too.." and at his mom: thx for the lasagna ,it's perfect, unlike your sons manners. drop the mic ,leave them behind and find someone who appreciate your cooking
To be clear: OP is kind enough to cook for her boyfriend and he has nothing better to do than mock her for her "lack of skill". Can he even cook at all? Also, the whole family seems to have no manners at all, treating her like that as a guest.
Even the comment he made in private beforehand - what was the point in that? Also, what kind of family is that? If my siblings and SOs were all together with the rest of the family, and one of us started putting down our SO in front of everyone, that sibling would get awkward silence, followed by either a direct confrontation in front of everyone, or being taken aside and given a talking to later. What the absolute hell?
“Joking” as a disguise for verbal abuse. Leave him - it’ll only escalate
Your family had manners. The problem was that the OP's boyfriend kept disparaging her cooking by comparing it to his mother's cooking. Then he did it in front of his family for laughs.
Load More Replies...Yes, and this is his behavior after a year, it will really ramp up when he feels really secure that she won't leave, so here's hoping she runs for her life.
Load More Replies..."Well we know it was at least better than boyfriends lasagna since apparently he can't cook at all haha! He has to have me cook all his meals like his mommy did lol. Oh he's so helpless when it comes to basic life skills haha!"......"Why are you mad babe, I was just joking around like you guys were? You're so sensitive can't you take a joke! God you ruined the whole meal!"
If he likes his mom's cooking that much, why don't he date her then ? That's way he'll have mommy's lasagna forever.
Seems like he already is, at least gustatorially.
Load More Replies...Tip for women on this site or blog or whatever it is: stop f’ing second guessing yourself in these situations. Your (hopefully) ex-BF is a manipulative jackhole. Run.
My ex always asked for my lasagna. The first time he made a joke about my grandmother's depression era recipe, I told him he would never get it again and he didn't no matter how many times he asked.
I was married to a manwho woul do the same thing to me. It will never end. Run now.
OP deserves better. It'd be one thing if it's a mutual barb. I'm clumsy. I know it. I joke about it. I have a reconstructed shoulder to confirm it. It doesn't bother me if my husband says something like, I'll wait until you get back downstairs before I leave, just in case
Jokes are things everyone present finds funny; just another man covering his bad behaviour by saying women can't take a joke
Anyone who responds to things like this with "it's just a joke" is always the a*****e. They're just not "man" enough to insult you to your face so these cowards have to hide being "it's just a joke" so they can turn it around on you. They're cowards. Don't abide this behavior. Life is too short to have a******s like this make your life miserable.
If I was in the position of OP I would start making jokes with his small piu piu.
I would've snapped the moment he lied that OP had burned the sauce. No problem with being made fun of, I make mistakes and have my stupid moments, but the SECOND blatant lies enter the picture, you're begging for pain and just don't know it yet. "I didn't burn the sauce. I wonder why you feel the need to make up a lie. Come to think of it, why do you feel the need to make fun of me in front of your family?" And then watch him stutter and struggle.
Please tell me she got rid of this emotionally stunted, mom - fixated manbaby and moved on. JFC
Nope bf gaslit into believing it was all her fault and ended up apologizing to him and the family...
Load More Replies...Update here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1fp4db0/update_aita_for_walking_out_of_dinner_after_my/
A decent person, in this situation, says "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings."
A decent family, in this situation after the first laugh or two would steer the conversation away from teasing her.
Load More Replies...I would've dumped my plate of lasagna in his lap before I walked out the door.
"Just a joke" is the rallying cry of every bully on the planet. I truly hope he's now her ex. He was never her boyfriend -- he was her bully. And "lighten up" "don't be so serious" and all those excuses are gaslighting the victim of the bullying into believing they are the one in the wrong.
Ditch this azzhole. Find someone who appreciates a woman that loves to cook. The last time someone cooked for me it was a t a restaraunt. I do and have done ALL of the cooking for my family since jump street!
Run girl, run fast and run far, let him date his mother and her damn lasagna 1st 🚩 You're too sensitive 2nd 🚩 You're overreacting 3rd 🚩 It's just a joke
“ He said I need to stop being so sensitive and learn to take a joke” classic mantra of bullies everywhere. Get out, girl.
"Learn to take a joke", "Lighten up" are code for "I will never stop belittling and humliating you so get used to it."
Actually, why doesn't HE learn to make lasagna according to his mom's recipe? It could become his family recipe, and something he gets to pass on to his kids... (Although, with behaviour like that I wouldn't bet on him ever having kids)
Even if his mother's lasagna was superior, he was a total AH for mocking her, making fun of her and the rest of his ah family is same for laughing at OP's expense. I think OP needs to get away from him, but I am guessing she is living with him so that will make it much harder.
She should dump him, make a lasagna, and bring it to his parents' place as a"peace offering". Make sure it's fully covered and just call it a dish you made yourself
Bullying and making jokes at someone's expense is not a joke. Saying that it is is gaslighting. So toxic. Leave his sorry a$$.
Tell the boyfriend to learn to make his mom's lasagna. Then he can show OP, and she can decide if she wants to modify hers or not. It might just be that he's used to mom's lasagna. Perhaps the rest of the family would appreciate OP's lasagna.
The BF is a narcissist, and if this is how he is now, it will only be worse if they marry. She needs to dump him now because there is no fixing a narcissist or getting them to change their ways. He will tear her down over time until she doubts everything about herself. The fact she is asking if she is the AH shows she is already being affected in that way.
Actually, she could have just said ,I'd love to learn how to make lasagna like this ,would you have time to teach me at some point please ? He was obviously trying to upset her ,so if she showed she wasn't the least bothered by it ,he hasn't gained anything. Then she should leave him and keep well away .He sounds like a total creep
Make sure you have it out with him properly and come to a decision that you will be able to live with. My husband is like this too, he wasn’t as bad when we first got married. His sense of humour has always been weird but not as down as now. I was married in 1985 & still am, I would lose more than I gain by getting out now. But you are young & only been there a short time, my advice to you is get your runners on girl and get out of there. He won’t change only get worse, you will end up in a prison. He’s not for you. GO.
It's only "a joke" if everyone is laughing. Hand him a jar of peanut butter and a loaf of bread.
Made a REALLY great lasagna for my ex when we were first married for his birthday. Monster in law made one too (one that my Italian grandmother would be rolling in her grave over!) with jarred sauce and *gag* cottage cheese. She looked at me and said "Now this is real Italian lasagna!" I told her that she was delusional and to get checked for dementia before she made any more faux pas like that one again! Then we all got sick from the cottage cheese..
There is no scenario in which this so called relationship csn be salvaged and if thats how this garbage acts he deserves to d*e alone. No one should EVER put up with that.
Wow. First he insults her cooking to her face, keeps doing it, and then does it again in front of his family - and they all join in. If this is real then it's definitely a good reason to dump this loser.
there is nothing wrong with her behavior,her boyfriend is being an a*****e
Did I go too far? HELL NO! Your boyfriend is displaying all the hallmarks of a Narcisit and his mum the controlling needy lead. He demeans you in public making jokes at your expense to gain favour and attention. His tells you you are exaggeration if and are too sensitive is gaslighting and meant for you to question your inituition question your boundries and attack your value as a human. His His blaming you for ruining the dinner is deflecting the cause of your leaving which was his need to devalue you and his accusation of you being the problem and that you have to change is Projecting which over time will reduce you to puppet status. The fact that they were all laughing and that no one stood up for you proves that this is a family affair. Get out while you still can. This is a systemic illness that simply won't change. You're young and there is a great respectful man out there waiting for you. Chalk it up to a learning experience, brush it off and go.
If mom's lasagne was that good, boyfriend should have asked her to teach him how to make it so he could have it any time, and maybe also impress those he cares about.
He is an a*****e. Now I am going to say something that a lot of people will disagree with. I don't care. To this a*****e's mom, WHAT the f**k lady? My son tried to pull that s**t with his wife. You need to learn to cook like mom, I like the way mom makes fill in blank. She looked so hurt. I was so pissed that my son who knew better than to say s**t like that. So I looked at him and ripped him a new one for his disrespect. Told him I had better never hear him say that again. I said I make food my way, she makes it her way. Both are right and he can just f**k his attitude right out of my house. Next time I ate at her house, I asked for her recipe for her main dish. Ladies, hold up our DIL. I don't care. Here is the kicker, she and aren't close, differ on a lot of s**t and sometimes don't like each other, but you still hold them up.
Run. He's emotionally abusive, manipulative, and likes to gaslight. My dad is like this with "teasing" and gets really mad when anyone calls him on it, insisting it's just humour. My mum's put up with it for almost fifty years. OP should just get out now, count herself lucky, and move on with her life.
This guy is not only emotionally immature but abusive and his family is composite. Sounds like a Narcisit to me: His need to elevate his mum at your expense implies that his significance centres around him having to stroke her ego. His need to cut you down elevates his as he likely hasn't been brought up in a healthy environment himself but that is no excuse for his behaviour. He gaslights you when he says you are blowing it out of proportion or are being too sensitive, you're not. Your perception is bang on, ignore those comments. He also projects and deflects. He is the cause, your walking out is the outcome. No one is to blame but him and is baby ego and dysfunctional relationship with his family. News flash- This ain't going to get better, only worse. Today it's your food, tomorrow it will be everything else. Get out before he destroys you.
You have to wonder if his put downs were his way of showing or testing that he had power over her. I mean, in front of his family? What kind of people are they that they are ok with this and didn't notice she was upset? If I were the mom in this situation my boy would be getting an earful.
one joke may be ok, but insisting to keep on is just disgusting and even the mother don't take any effort to make this situation less akward. What a bunch of morons.. I would totally fire back at him:" well if you learn someday how to heat the oven you may produce something delicious too.." and at his mom: thx for the lasagna ,it's perfect, unlike your sons manners. drop the mic ,leave them behind and find someone who appreciate your cooking
To be clear: OP is kind enough to cook for her boyfriend and he has nothing better to do than mock her for her "lack of skill". Can he even cook at all? Also, the whole family seems to have no manners at all, treating her like that as a guest.
Even the comment he made in private beforehand - what was the point in that? Also, what kind of family is that? If my siblings and SOs were all together with the rest of the family, and one of us started putting down our SO in front of everyone, that sibling would get awkward silence, followed by either a direct confrontation in front of everyone, or being taken aside and given a talking to later. What the absolute hell?
“Joking” as a disguise for verbal abuse. Leave him - it’ll only escalate
Your family had manners. The problem was that the OP's boyfriend kept disparaging her cooking by comparing it to his mother's cooking. Then he did it in front of his family for laughs.
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