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Man Can’t Take GF’s Son Anymore, Leaves Before They Get Ready To Go On A Trip
Dating can be complicated when you have children. It’s not only about how much your partner loves and accepts you; it’s also about how willing they are to be in your children’s lives and how willing your kids are to welcome a new member into the family. And if it all becomes too messy, some people might decide that it’s easier to just walk out.
One man recently reached out to Reddit for advice after his girlfriend’s son had a massive meltdown early one morning. Below, you’ll find all of the details, as well as some of the advice readers left for the author.
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This man was less than thrilled about waking up early to take his girlfriend’s son mountain biking
Image credits: dvatri / Envato (not the actual photo)
But when the morning devolved into pure chaos, he decided to simply remove himself from the drama
Image credits: sedrik2007 / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ok_Big_2823
Later, the author responded to several readers and provided more information about his situation
Dating as a parent comes with unique challenges
Image credits: prostooleh / Envato (not the actual photo)
Once you reach a certain age, it’s hard to find a potential partner who doesn’t have kids. Four out of five households in the United States where the homeowner is between the ages of 35 and 39 have at least one child under the age of 18 living there. So if you’re still in the dating pool in your forties, fifties or sixties, there’s a good chance that you’ll find a partner who’s a parent.
When it comes to dating someone with children, Jamie Scrimgeour notes that there are a few important things to know. First of all, you have to understand that you’re dating a package deal. There’s no way to be with this person without their children (and the children’s other parent) also being part of the equation.
And if you want to be in a serious relationship, Jamie warns that a great deal of your life will be out of your control. This depends on how old the kids are, but if they’re under 18, you’re going to have to help with school drop-off, soccer games, taking them to amusement parks over the weekend, helping them fix up their bike and more. If you’re not prepared to spend lots of time with the children, the relationship might not be a great idea.
If you’re dating a single mother, BetterHelp recommends a few strategies for helping the relationship stay on the right track. And one of the most important is prioritizing open and honest communication. This is the easiest way to avoid misunderstandings and conflicts, as it will allow you and your partner to always be on the same page.
Clear boundaries and expectations should also be set from the beginning. Understand exactly what your partner is looking for, and share with her what role you would feel comfortable taking on in her children’s lives. But, of course, life is unpredictable. So don’t forget to stay flexible and adaptable. Parenthood can be hectic, so remember to show your partner grace.
Clear communication and boundaries are necessary to maintain a healthy relationship
Image credits: sam741002 / Envato (not the actual photo)
Whether you have kids or not, being supportive and understanding of your partner can go a long way. And over time, the two of you might be able to find the perfect balance of the roles of parents and partners.
One issue that might be challenging to resolve, however, is when you can’t stand your partner’s child. Would you really be willing to stay with the person you love if you’re also forced to live with a child that makes you want to rip your hair out? In this situation, LawyersnLaws suggests delicately expressing your concerns to your partner. After all, the issue can never be resolved if it hasn’t first been addressed.
It’s also wise to make an effort to spend time with your partner without their child around. This will strengthen your relationship, and it might even make you more willing to put up with her kid. Meanwhile, establish boundaries with your partner’s children. You won’t be able to avoid them entirely, but if you both respect each other’s boundaries, you can prevent many conflicts from arising.
If you reach a point where you’re open to the idea of building a stronger relationship with your partner’s child, you may even want to try spending some one-on-one time with him. Who knows what his behavior will be like when Mom’s not around? You might even find out that the two of you have a lot in common.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this man made the right choice by simply deciding to go home? Then, you can find another Bored Panda article discussing similar relationship drama right here.
Many readers decided that everyone involved had behaved poorly
However, some called out the author specifically for making questionable choices
And others assured him that he had every right to leave
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Corvus 3 months ago
There's something really icky about describing a single mother as "used merchandise."
Gavin Johnson 3 months ago
Icky is being very generous. Downright f rude. Woman or man, no one should be dehumanised and described like that. My partner and I have children from previous relationships and they only add to my life, the ups and downs are all part of life with a blended family. If anyone described her that way I’d be tearing them a new one.
Load More Replies...
arthbach 3 months ago
I would have said to the child, "Explain to my why you think behaviour like this would make anyone want to spend time with you, let alone 4 hours in a car?"
Lee Gilliland 3 months ago
It's rather obvious that the mom should have had him evaluated long ago.
Load More Replies...
Alexandra 3 months ago
If you date someone who has a child or c hildren, you date them as well: too few people realise that. Too few people think about the implications and expectations on both sides when getting into a relationship with someone who has a child or children.
Gavin Johnson 3 months ago
As a single Dad who met a single Mum I can only echo this statement. Our children were our respective choices and they are all part of our lives, if someone goes into a relationship without consideration for the children then they should be getting dumped in short order.
Load More Replies...
Gardener of Weeden 3 months ago
IMHO, OP and Mom Suck, and really NEED parenting lessons. How fckn rude to " change" his alarm. Of course that is going to set him off. WOULD YOU BE HAPPY? IF he is Autistic - his mother should know and be working her A*S off to help him learn to live with it ( diagnosed or not, I have dealt with it for 36 yrs). LASTLY - If my child showed me that amount of disrespect ( although it looks like it goes both ways), he would not have seen the light of day for months - he could look at his bike - but it would be un-usable (disassembled - not smashed - do not let anger cost $$$). When My daughter complained that I was not a "nice" mom - I reminded her that I was not her friend, but I was going to raise her to become the type of woman I wanted to be friends with ... AND I DID!
Lee Gilliland 3 months ago
"I'm your mother. This isn't a popularity contest."
Load More Replies...
BoredPangolin 3 months ago
The child's struggle with taking other point of view's into consideration and the hyperfixing, as well as the complete obliviousness regarding hurtful language, it reminds me of autism. It doesn't mean all autistic kids behave this way, or that this kids doesn't need serious parental intervention. I'm wondering if the mother is just exhausted by a very inflexible, pushy kid that is growing up and is getting aggressive... And tall. I don't think the man is the A to leave. I think this woman would need to meet someone who's up with the challenge of helping the mom with an autistic child. She definitely needs the support. If you're not that, it's okay to bail out.
Mike F 3 months ago
If anyone had spoken to my mother that way there would have been a memorial service for them several days later. I get that the kid is 13 and testing his water-wings but that mom is not doing herself or the kid any favors by tolerating that behavior. That kid is going to grow up to be an entitled little pri©k and be in for some serious bumps and bruises in his journey to adulthood. I don't blame the OP for leaving, that's a situation that needed to be addressed by the mom and if it's a pattern of behavior that the OP is uncomfortable being around, he should just call it quits. Not everyone is equipped to deal with misbehaving kids, at least on that level.
katiekat0214 3 months ago
If a single mother is "used merchandise" (ALL THE ICK FOREVER), then so is he as a single dad, even if they're older. That is just vile.
Melissa Harris 3 months ago (edited)
Unless the OP is ready to commit to this woman and dealing with her son he needs to get out. That boy is abusing his mother and she needs help. He might be autistic or have some other mental health issues but at 13 he's old enough and strong enough to harm her. She needs help managing him. The OP doesn't sound like he's up to be a step-dad to an aggressive and difficult to manage teenager with mental problems so he needs to sit his girlfriend down and tell her she NEEDS to get help for herself and her son but he can't continue seeing her while she's allowing this behavior to continue. A 13 year-old shouldn't be dictating to his parent(s) their schedule or swearing at his mother. ASD or not it's completely unacceptable behavior.
RomanceRadish 3 months ago
The child needs help and compassionate, firm guidance. Possibly some medical care.
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 3 months ago
And why are they still rewarding this demon spawn with a biking trip?
Corvus 3 months ago
There's something really icky about describing a single mother as "used merchandise."
Gavin Johnson 3 months ago
Icky is being very generous. Downright f rude. Woman or man, no one should be dehumanised and described like that. My partner and I have children from previous relationships and they only add to my life, the ups and downs are all part of life with a blended family. If anyone described her that way I’d be tearing them a new one.
Load More Replies... arthbach 3 months ago
I would have said to the child, "Explain to my why you think behaviour like this would make anyone want to spend time with you, let alone 4 hours in a car?"
Lee Gilliland 3 months ago
It's rather obvious that the mom should have had him evaluated long ago.
Load More Replies... Alexandra 3 months ago
If you date someone who has a child or c hildren, you date them as well: too few people realise that. Too few people think about the implications and expectations on both sides when getting into a relationship with someone who has a child or children.
Gavin Johnson 3 months ago
As a single Dad who met a single Mum I can only echo this statement. Our children were our respective choices and they are all part of our lives, if someone goes into a relationship without consideration for the children then they should be getting dumped in short order.
Load More Replies... Gardener of Weeden 3 months ago
IMHO, OP and Mom Suck, and really NEED parenting lessons. How fckn rude to " change" his alarm. Of course that is going to set him off. WOULD YOU BE HAPPY? IF he is Autistic - his mother should know and be working her A*S off to help him learn to live with it ( diagnosed or not, I have dealt with it for 36 yrs). LASTLY - If my child showed me that amount of disrespect ( although it looks like it goes both ways), he would not have seen the light of day for months - he could look at his bike - but it would be un-usable (disassembled - not smashed - do not let anger cost $$$). When My daughter complained that I was not a "nice" mom - I reminded her that I was not her friend, but I was going to raise her to become the type of woman I wanted to be friends with ... AND I DID!
Lee Gilliland 3 months ago
"I'm your mother. This isn't a popularity contest."
Load More Replies... BoredPangolin 3 months ago
The child's struggle with taking other point of view's into consideration and the hyperfixing, as well as the complete obliviousness regarding hurtful language, it reminds me of autism. It doesn't mean all autistic kids behave this way, or that this kids doesn't need serious parental intervention. I'm wondering if the mother is just exhausted by a very inflexible, pushy kid that is growing up and is getting aggressive... And tall. I don't think the man is the A to leave. I think this woman would need to meet someone who's up with the challenge of helping the mom with an autistic child. She definitely needs the support. If you're not that, it's okay to bail out.
Mike F 3 months ago
If anyone had spoken to my mother that way there would have been a memorial service for them several days later. I get that the kid is 13 and testing his water-wings but that mom is not doing herself or the kid any favors by tolerating that behavior. That kid is going to grow up to be an entitled little pri©k and be in for some serious bumps and bruises in his journey to adulthood. I don't blame the OP for leaving, that's a situation that needed to be addressed by the mom and if it's a pattern of behavior that the OP is uncomfortable being around, he should just call it quits. Not everyone is equipped to deal with misbehaving kids, at least on that level.
katiekat0214 3 months ago
If a single mother is "used merchandise" (ALL THE ICK FOREVER), then so is he as a single dad, even if they're older. That is just vile.
Melissa Harris 3 months ago (edited)
Unless the OP is ready to commit to this woman and dealing with her son he needs to get out. That boy is abusing his mother and she needs help. He might be autistic or have some other mental health issues but at 13 he's old enough and strong enough to harm her. She needs help managing him. The OP doesn't sound like he's up to be a step-dad to an aggressive and difficult to manage teenager with mental problems so he needs to sit his girlfriend down and tell her she NEEDS to get help for herself and her son but he can't continue seeing her while she's allowing this behavior to continue. A 13 year-old shouldn't be dictating to his parent(s) their schedule or swearing at his mother. ASD or not it's completely unacceptable behavior.
RomanceRadish 3 months ago
The child needs help and compassionate, firm guidance. Possibly some medical care.
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 3 months ago
And why are they still rewarding this demon spawn with a biking trip?
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