“Take It From An Old Guy”: Older Person Shares Wise Advice On Dealing With The Loss Of A Loved One

I wish I could give you a hug. Do you feel up to telling us something about your mom? I'd love to hear what she was like.

Thank you to everyone for being so kind. I'm sending hugs bc this has helped me. My mom was a force of nature the world is different wo her as I'm sure you all feel the same about your loved ones. Again thank you.

First, I'm sorry about your mother. You never stop needing her. My mother died 32 years ago, when I was 28. To this day, I grieve and miss her. That being said, I wish I had known what the person who wrote this said. Please, confront it. You're only holding off the inevitable. Take that grief, and let those waves roll over you. You WILL survive. I thought I never would, and I'm not the strongest person in the world. I remember not sleeping or eating (although I must have, but not much) for months. It really is just one foot in front of another. Read what this person said, take it to heart.

No matter what you feel or do not feel: it is ok to feel this way and it will not stay this way. For me it was months before I felt anything but guilt for not grieving enough. You can not force emotions but it helped me to talk with her in my head. Again: whatever you feel/do is alright and nothing good or bad stays as it is.

Reading this, a small wave has washed over me. It's ok. Mom taught me how to float. Be kind with yourself. 2 months is not a long time. This is in your time & and no one else's. DO NOT "should" on yourself. And don't let anyone else either. It is going to be unbearable. For a time. When I lost my Mom it was. Even at 51 I was still a child who just lost her Mom. You wonder if you can, but you will survive the unbearable. This was hard to write. Try to keep writing. For yourself. No one else. Between you & yourself. You & your Mom. Even if at first it's just one word. I found that music helped me to just let it go. In private. Music still does. For many of the people I have lost. It can make me cry, or it can make me smile. Whichever is ok. Now on the anniversary of her death, I play 2 songs about grief that mean a lot to me. I ball my eyes out. For however long. And then I'm done. Until the next year. For 14 years now. There will always be waves. Waves of grief. Waves of love.💔

I lost my husband & totally understand. Like the “old man” says here, “all you can do is float.” Do what you need to, and denial is fine. No one will say you’re doing it wrong, & a lot of us who have been through it will give you virtual hugs and wish you strength & peace.

I'm so sorry for your loss. The only thing I can say is: talk to her. If only in your mind. My mom and aunts, who are the most atheist people in the world, have told me their talk to my deceased grandparents every night and they feel as if they're comforted by them. Or maybe they really are with them, watching over their children. My mother made me promise I'll do the same when she's gone, she's assured me she will always be with me. As a mother myself, I'm certain that's true. It can not not be. Big hug to you.

My condolences. Don't confront it until you just can't help but confront it. It's not anyone else's to say when you should confront things. You need to do what you feel is right by you. When the time comes, you will know it, and then you will be able to confront it head on with all the passion and fervor that you can give it. It's never easy, but as the gentleman said, "The waves will start to slow." I'm still grieving the loss of my father, and the tiniest thing can set me off sometimes, and other times I can go forever (so it seems) without a trigger. The important thing is that you do what feels right for you, and only YOU will know what that looks like. Again, my sincere condolences to you.

You are the living representative of your mom. She is with you each and every second of your day. Celebrate with her. She is there, you can't see her, but she is there. She holds you in her arms and she loves you as much as she always has.

Yes, I feel what you're saying. As you get older, you lose people. The best way to remember them, is talk about them. Tell the silly stories, laugh and cry about them. My dad told me that you'll never be dead as long as someone is alive to talk about you.

Yes, and unfortunately accepting death is not a lesson you can impart. It takes experience and that hurts. This gentleman has summed it up so perfectly that you can understand it won't kill you as well. I honestly thought when my mother died, I too, was going to die. That's just how I felt. Another sad part is that it gets easier with each loss, because you do get it.