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Mom Can’t Believe Her Ears When Hubby Tells Her To Punish Daughter For Speaking Native Language
Speaking more than one language is both a fun and sometimes tiring experience. On the one hand, you can express yourself in more than one way, so that more people can understand. On the other hand, sometimes the languages start to mix in your head and speech, or you can find it tricky to properly express what you want and feel in one or all of them.
Like a girl in this story — her native tongue is Hindi, so she feels most comfortable expressing her opinions with it. Yet, her stepdad and stepbrother don’t understand it, which started causing some tension in their family. The whole thing went so far that the stepdad suggested something drastic. In fact, it was so harsh that his wife was taken aback and didn’t even want to entertain this idea.
More info: Reddit
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Being bilingual is both fun and complicated — it opens up more of the world to you, but at the same time can cause some confusion
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Like in this story, where a girl lives in a blended family of Hindi and non-Hindi speakers
Image credits: Jithin Murali / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Since Hindi is her native tongue, she usually uses it to express her emotions, which is very normal
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
But her stepbrother and stepdad don’t understand it, which causes them to feel uncomfy
Image credits: anon
So, the stepdad suggested the girl’s mom punish the daughter anytime she unconsciously spoke Hindi
The OP and her 11-year-old daughter, Anya, come from India, which makes Hindi their native language. Did you know that if you rank languages by the number of native speakers, Hindi ranks in 5th place with 345 million native speakers? So, the original poster and her daughter are blessed with a common, thus useful language.
Sadly, the girl’s father died when she was only 5, which caused her to move with her mom abroad. If you’re wondering how it caused this, well, her mom couldn’t handle the pressure of their environment to marry some 60-year-old sleazebag, because “no woman can raise a child alone”. You get the gist.
After moving away, the woman met a man whom she wanted to date and started their relationship. Everything was going alright, and so after some time, they got hitched and formed a blended family of the OP, her daughter, the man, and his son.
At first, the husband’s son was with them only half of the time, as the other time he spent with his mom, but after her passing, he joined their household full-time. And that’s when the main problem of this story started appearing.
The thing is that Anya has a little habit of talking in her first language, Hindi, when she’s experiencing overwhelming emotions, like excitement. It’s a very common phenomenon that happens in bilingual people. That’s because usually it’s easier for them to express intense emotions in their native tongue than it is in any other language.
The reason behind it is that the first language is typically learned in more emotional contexts, like home, while the second one is in less emotional ones, like a classroom. So, this might cause the second language to trigger weaker emotional responses, thus not the first choice to express big feelings.
Image credits: DC Studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The OP didn’t see any problems with this habit of her daughter’s, especially when there are only two of them talking. If there are some other people around who don’t speak Hindi, she simply reminds the girl to switch back to English, which she does without any complaints.
The only one who had a problem with this, at least at first, was the girl’s stepbrother. He complained that it made him feel bad that he didn’t understand what his sister was saying. Ever since he expressed it, the girl started making even more of a conscious effort not to talk in Hindi around him, and everyone thought that the problem was solved.
Then, one day, the woman’s husband voiced an idea that maybe she should start punishing her daughter when she speaks Hindi unconsciously, at least until her brother starts feeling better.
The woman was horrified by such an idea. Not only is it unfair, but punishing a kid for using their native language can have major negative consequences in the long run.
After all, their language is closely tied to their cultural and personal identities, and punishing them for it might cause them to feel shame and anxiety. These can result in low self-esteem, impact their educational outcomes, and have all the other negative consequences for their mental health and well-being.
So, no wonder the mom didn’t agree to do this. Netizens agreed with her judgment – they pointed out that punishing someone for doing something that’s natural for them is only going to cause more hurt for everyone in the long run. Instead of punishment, the best mom could do is a gentle reminder, not anything harsher – let’s not traumatize kids because of their language.
What do you think? In your opinion, is punishing the girl the right step in this situation? What other solutions would you suggest? Share all your thoughts with us!
The mom was horrified by such an idea and refused to do so, which netizens agreed was reasonable
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What do you think ?
FreeTheUnicorn 3 months ago (edited)
Dad and son should be taking Hindi classes together. Expecting the women/minorities to subsume their culture for the men/dominant isn't really a family unit but a colony.
g90814 3 months ago
I think it would be cool if the daughter would teach the son some basic hindi words... great sibling interaction. Don't TELL the son he has to learn, but just offer.
Dustinthewind 3 months ago
Excatly, don't prhase it like: if you want to be included you have to learn, but offer: Would you like it if you could understand what we're saying? Shall we teach you a few words?
Load More Replies...
arthbach 3 months ago
For some monolingual speakers, any time they hear a language they can't understand they can feel excluded. That's how they can feel, regardless of the intention of others. In this situation, I'd ask the daughter to do her best to be inclusive of the brother just now because of the grief. However, there should definitely be no idea of punishment. I'd also use a Hindi name for him with a very positive meaning, eg 'beloved', 'dear one'. Each time the name is used, smile and look on with love.
Petra Peitsch 3 months ago
Yeah, kt shows, that you are monolingual. I was growing up trilingual with a mosaic-family, where not everybody was tri-lingual. Being the "overpower-linguist boss", understanding all three languages is a curse, especially at so early age. For me ended to be enstranged by my whole "family". It ended for me to never ever want have any own family or kids. For decades, growing up brought me nonne, just stress. Choose your words and actions wisely ...
Load More Replies...
Ellinor she/they/elle 3 months ago
3 solutions here from my point of view : 1- The dad stop being an @ss and he and the mom explain to Ben that Anya's first language is Hindi just like his is English and that people are different and that it doesn't means he's excluded. 2- The dad stop being an @ss and they offer Ben to learn Hindi to be able to understand his step-sister and it will be a great skill to have later in life. 3- The dad doesn't stop being an @ss and keep insisting to punish the daughter even though she's not doing anything wrong and it's time for OP to reconsider the relationship.
Binky Melnik 3 months ago
Given that the dad is such an аsshole about this situation, I’m afraid he’s gonna be an аsshole about other things involving his kid, and it sure looks as if this marriage s doomed. The poor little girl; I feel awful for her.
Load More Replies...
Vinnie 3 months ago (edited)
Punishing someone for speaking their language is going to remind some Canadians of past injustices against Indigenous people. Punishing a school child for speaking their native language anywhere was part of forced assimilation. Since many were in residential schools, there was no respite from that and other forms of abuse. The OP's daughter is making an effort to include the little boy, so exceptions can be made when she needs to discuss her feelings in Hindi.
murmelinpaiva 3 months ago
Being bilingual is a real asset that can eventually lead to increased job opportunities. The younger you are, the easier it is to learn a language. My grandkids are bilingual. Their dad always talks to them in Spanish. Their school is also bilingual, as are their cousins.
Queenie B 3 months ago
NTA Your husband is hurting for his son and doesn't know how fix it. How about your daughter start teaching Ben to speak Hindi. They could make little cards to post around the house to identify things in Hindi.
person (i think) 3 months ago
This would be the best option. It probably _isnt_ the time for official lessons, but by OP and her daughter teaching him, it will make him feel more included in more ways than one
Load More Replies...
G Bono 3 months ago
Her husband should have been a headmaster at an Indian boarding school. In truth, this is such a perfect moment to teach the boy their language. If the boy learns the language, he will be a part of OP’s family with her daughter. If the boy gets frustrated and doesn’t want to continue learning Hindi, it will be his choice and will occur when he feels completely accepted by all. Only problem is if the boy does learn Hindi, OP’s husband will feel excluded because he wouldn’t be able to understand what everyone is saying.
Hope 3 months ago (edited)
I don't understand the logic we don't have him learning the language, will instead make him feel less included. She says that in comments over and over. Isnt the refusal to teach him keeping him excluded. Poor boy is begging to be part of what seems like a cool code language to him. It's a secret he can't learn. This little girl is being told to never feel comfortable with her heritage. Sounds more like this became his excuse to ban his wife's heritage he obviously hates.
FreeTheUnicorn 3 months ago
Get him into some Hindi classes, and normalise repeating yourself in the other language. It really helps for reinforcing language. But as much as the trigger was the language, the kid is upset about hisnworld changing and losing him mother. He's lashing out at the thing his sister shares with her mother, which is understandable (and done unconsciously, I'm sure), but it's not right. So adults need to talk him through it, let him grieve for his mom, and bring him into the new multilingual house hold. This is pretty common in blended families, so lots of resources.
Paul Rabit 3 months ago
The boy (AND the Dad - who should have been doing this ANYWAY) should be learning Hindi.
Mer Far 3 months ago
I mean it's not necessary to tell Ben "ok so now you're going to take Hindi classes if you don't want to feel excluded", she seems to think that's the Only way. They are kids, make it a game, a bonding activity between them, an enjoyable moment to share your first language with the little dude
FreeTheUnicorn 3 months ago (edited)
Dad and son should be taking Hindi classes together. Expecting the women/minorities to subsume their culture for the men/dominant isn't really a family unit but a colony.
g90814 3 months ago
I think it would be cool if the daughter would teach the son some basic hindi words... great sibling interaction. Don't TELL the son he has to learn, but just offer.
Dustinthewind 3 months ago
Excatly, don't prhase it like: if you want to be included you have to learn, but offer: Would you like it if you could understand what we're saying? Shall we teach you a few words?
Load More Replies... arthbach 3 months ago
For some monolingual speakers, any time they hear a language they can't understand they can feel excluded. That's how they can feel, regardless of the intention of others. In this situation, I'd ask the daughter to do her best to be inclusive of the brother just now because of the grief. However, there should definitely be no idea of punishment. I'd also use a Hindi name for him with a very positive meaning, eg 'beloved', 'dear one'. Each time the name is used, smile and look on with love.
Petra Peitsch 3 months ago
Yeah, kt shows, that you are monolingual. I was growing up trilingual with a mosaic-family, where not everybody was tri-lingual. Being the "overpower-linguist boss", understanding all three languages is a curse, especially at so early age. For me ended to be enstranged by my whole "family". It ended for me to never ever want have any own family or kids. For decades, growing up brought me nonne, just stress. Choose your words and actions wisely ...
Load More Replies... Ellinor she/they/elle 3 months ago
3 solutions here from my point of view : 1- The dad stop being an @ss and he and the mom explain to Ben that Anya's first language is Hindi just like his is English and that people are different and that it doesn't means he's excluded. 2- The dad stop being an @ss and they offer Ben to learn Hindi to be able to understand his step-sister and it will be a great skill to have later in life. 3- The dad doesn't stop being an @ss and keep insisting to punish the daughter even though she's not doing anything wrong and it's time for OP to reconsider the relationship.
Binky Melnik 3 months ago
Given that the dad is such an аsshole about this situation, I’m afraid he’s gonna be an аsshole about other things involving his kid, and it sure looks as if this marriage s doomed. The poor little girl; I feel awful for her.
Load More Replies... Vinnie 3 months ago (edited)
Punishing someone for speaking their language is going to remind some Canadians of past injustices against Indigenous people. Punishing a school child for speaking their native language anywhere was part of forced assimilation. Since many were in residential schools, there was no respite from that and other forms of abuse. The OP's daughter is making an effort to include the little boy, so exceptions can be made when she needs to discuss her feelings in Hindi.
murmelinpaiva 3 months ago
Being bilingual is a real asset that can eventually lead to increased job opportunities. The younger you are, the easier it is to learn a language. My grandkids are bilingual. Their dad always talks to them in Spanish. Their school is also bilingual, as are their cousins.
Queenie B 3 months ago
NTA Your husband is hurting for his son and doesn't know how fix it. How about your daughter start teaching Ben to speak Hindi. They could make little cards to post around the house to identify things in Hindi.
person (i think) 3 months ago
This would be the best option. It probably _isnt_ the time for official lessons, but by OP and her daughter teaching him, it will make him feel more included in more ways than one
Load More Replies... G Bono 3 months ago
Her husband should have been a headmaster at an Indian boarding school. In truth, this is such a perfect moment to teach the boy their language. If the boy learns the language, he will be a part of OP’s family with her daughter. If the boy gets frustrated and doesn’t want to continue learning Hindi, it will be his choice and will occur when he feels completely accepted by all. Only problem is if the boy does learn Hindi, OP’s husband will feel excluded because he wouldn’t be able to understand what everyone is saying.
Hope 3 months ago (edited)
I don't understand the logic we don't have him learning the language, will instead make him feel less included. She says that in comments over and over. Isnt the refusal to teach him keeping him excluded. Poor boy is begging to be part of what seems like a cool code language to him. It's a secret he can't learn. This little girl is being told to never feel comfortable with her heritage. Sounds more like this became his excuse to ban his wife's heritage he obviously hates.
FreeTheUnicorn 3 months ago
Get him into some Hindi classes, and normalise repeating yourself in the other language. It really helps for reinforcing language. But as much as the trigger was the language, the kid is upset about hisnworld changing and losing him mother. He's lashing out at the thing his sister shares with her mother, which is understandable (and done unconsciously, I'm sure), but it's not right. So adults need to talk him through it, let him grieve for his mom, and bring him into the new multilingual house hold. This is pretty common in blended families, so lots of resources.
Paul Rabit 3 months ago
The boy (AND the Dad - who should have been doing this ANYWAY) should be learning Hindi.
Mer Far 3 months ago
I mean it's not necessary to tell Ben "ok so now you're going to take Hindi classes if you don't want to feel excluded", she seems to think that's the Only way. They are kids, make it a game, a bonding activity between them, an enjoyable moment to share your first language with the little dude
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