Teen Is Asked To Look After Little Sister While Mom Rushes Son To The ER, She Leaves Her At A Stranger’s House Instead
A single mother of three is seeking support on Reddit’s ‘Am I the [Jerk]?’ community after an argument with her eldest daughter, Polly. The woman had to take her son, Trevor, to the ER and asked Polly to watch her younger sister, Cassie.
However, the teenager ultimately decided to place the burden on someone else and go out to blow off steam instead. The mother was furious upon discovering what had happened and the two of them quickly got into a fight.
This single mom is trying to raise three kids
Image credits: Elina Fairytale (not the actual photo)
And she wants her oldest daughter to commit more to the family, but the teen is having none of it
Image credits: Lisa Fotios (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Image credits: dratonallthings
Judging from the post, it doesn’t sound that the mom and her teen are understanding each other
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
Sadly, this post is an example of a broader problem. A 2019 Pew Research Center study of 130 countries and territories revealed that the U.S. has the world’s highest rate of children living in single-parent households.
Almost a quarter of U.S. children under the age of 18 live with one parent and no other adults (23%), more than three times the share of children around the world who do so (7%). Interestingly, the study, which also looked at how people’s living arrangements differ by religion, found that U.S. children from Christian and religiously unaffiliated families are about equally likely to live in this type of arrangement.
For comparison, 3% of children in China, 4% of children in Nigeria, and 15% of children in neighboring Canada live in single-parent households.
But family conflicts with a teenager growing up are nothing out of the ordinary
Image credits: RODNAE Productions (not the actual photo)
While it’s difficult to give Polly a pass for her behavior, we can’t forget that the teen years pose some of the most difficult challenges. Dealing with hormonal changes and an ever-complex world might make you think that no one can understand your feelings. Especially parents. As a result, teens can find themselves angry, alone, and confused in the face of complicated issues about identity, peers, sexual behavior, drinking, and drugs.
Parents are also often frustrated and angry that the teen seems to no longer respect their authority. Methods of discipline that worked well in earlier years may no longer have an effect, and parents may feel frightened and helpless about the choices their teen is making.
The teen years are ripe for producing conflict in the family. Let’s hope this one finds a solution for theirs.
As the story went viral, its author provided more details
People have been having strong reactions to the family drama
There's a bigger concern than payment, grounding etc., and that's Polly's LACK of concern for her sister's safety. She needs a serious discussion about how dangerous that could have been.
That's my concern too. I'd seriously have her in therapy. This level of self-centeredness is really concerning. I'd be worried that only punishment wouldn't get at the root of this problem. Which was just an extreme lack of concern for anybody but herself. Didn't care about mom, the neighbor, brother, or sister. Did not stop to consider how she was affecting a single one of these people. That needs some looking into.
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Loads of commenters here have made incredibly valid points - and I wholeheartedly agree. This mother seems wonderful, making sure her daughter is able to enjoy her childhood. However, I feel so sorry for the Mum because if there's another emergency she's not going to feel like she can trust her nearly adult daughter even. She has no-one. That's a really s****y position to be in
And it's always on the mom while a*****e father just gets to walk s away when it gets too hard. Every. Freaking. Time.
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Not sure what the mom did wrong in raising her firstborn, but that girl is going to get a serious reality check. Because OF COURSE we have to change our plans inn family emergencies. Over and over, for the rest of our lives. And, no, kids don't get paid for doing family chores. There are some things that are just our duty to do and chores are one way of learning that. That girl better gets some more feedback on her selfishness or she is in for some terrible life lessons.
.... Might not be an education flaws.... I dread to throw the word but..... That total absence of empathy toward a sick baby?........... That smells sociopathy to me
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You are NTA but you definitely need to check your daughters attitude. Definitely make her get a job and if it was me I’d also say make her pay her own phone bill if she wants a phone. If she wants a car, make her pay for that too down the line. Teach her how to be grateful for the good stuff she has, she sounds entitled and spoiled to act that way.
Car should have been taken away too. B***h you can't be responsible to watch your sister in an emergency then you can't be responsible to drive a car.
In Polly's defense, the post doesn't say anything about her having or driving a car. Edit: after further research and a tip from an unknown source (named Beachbum) we have concluded that this defense would fail miserably. Polly would do well to avoid me for legal counsel. I yield.
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Polly had something going on that couldn't be changed. It was more than going over to hang out with friends. Some event was planned for that time. But in what universe is the notion that "I want her to be a teenager, so that means not asking her to babysit" a sane one? There are two aspects to growth here: learning how to be responsible, and feeling the pride and value in doing something significant that actually matters. Asking a child to do something for you doesn't turn them into a slave; it turns them into a valued and important member of a family.
Another thing... MOMS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO DO IT ALL. There are three children in that family who can be supporting each other and lighten the load of the parent (the SINGLE parent, who doesn't have a spouse to help!). Not having a burned out mom benefits EVERYONE. Having helpful children creates helpful adults who understand teamwork and cooperation. Lastly, the neighbors - however imperfect they may be - are totally awesome to have stepped up at all. Bake them some cookies (or something), and get to know them. Community is important.
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At the VERY least, however many hours you were at the hospital is how many weeks she should be grounded.
Unless OP was there at least 10 hours, it won't be enough...
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If I had pulled a stunt like that as a teenager especially at that age my parents would have grounded me for at least a year and that would have included extreme amounts of extra cleaning you took over everyone's chores when you were grounded. Sh she dropped her little sister off with an unknown man who could have raped or killed her or something!
Polly needs a reality check. If I was the mum she would not have a car either I'd sell it and tell her since since not grown up enough then obviously she's not mature enough to drive. This was an emergency and all she was bothered about was hanging out with her friends. She risked her little sister's life for what,to hang out. What a selfish entitled little princess
At sixteen one is aware of the vulnerability of children, especially when they have younger siblings. This was a completely selfish, thoughtless move on Polly's part. She has many lessons to learn in this situation. Alas, most could very well be lost on her. Mom may not be innocent in all of this, and no doubt, a touch of teenaged angst because daddy left, but this is next level selfishness.
I was expecting this to be a case of parentifying the older kid, but was pleasantly surprised. This was totally reasonable. The older sister normally isn't expected to help with the younger siblings, but there was an emergency. Mom acknowledged that she was interrupting her plans and apologized, but there was an emergency. Furthermore, the mom DID have sitters, but none of them were responding. Punishment was not getting paid for the job she failed to do, short grounding, and a lecture, which is very reasonable. Polly is a total a*****e who left her sister with strangers and didn't even leave a contact number, which endangered her sister. Just so she could see friends. Yeah. Total NTA, and I hope Polly finds some maturity as she grows up.
Yes, older siblings should help with younger siblings especially when there is only one parent…it’s called a family! Everyone should pull their weight, whether it is doing chores or helping with younger family members.
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It’s been a few moons since I was a teenager, and when I was, I was a huge a*****e on many occasions. Never ever in my drunken stupors would I ever have let my little bro be put in an uncompromising situation. I grew up with a single mom with 3 kids and I knew never ever abandon my siblings. I’m wondering if this teen aged has something undiagnosed because this level of lacking compassion and selfishness is unreal!
Seriously! I'm one of the biggest jerks I know of at times. But even as a teenager... Mess with my little sister or little brother and you'll be dealing with me. It's genuinely chilling.
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Children seem to forget that as long as they are minors, they are not entitled to just make plans. My son will try that. I have no problem with him hanging out with his friends, but he can't plan a sleepover without informing me.
Children seem to firget to think and reason like adults. I wonder why.
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Wait till that kid discovers motherhood. She won't be paid for that, for da*n sure. While nobody's an angel here, the teen is definitely out of line IMHO. She's not a sitter, she's a *sister*. If I can watch my second cousin's kid free? She can suck it up for her siblings or admit *she* needs to be babysat. Which is, unfortunately, how it seems. During an emergency even. For pity's sake.
You're exactly right. Polly needs a sitter herself. She can't be trusted with the slightest thing. She's only concerned with her own agenda. Her mom said that she may not have given her enough responsibilities and that's likely a part of the issue but that's some cold and calculated behavior with her lies and dumping her sister with the neighbor. That's scary. Polly definitely needs to come to the realization where she can accept that the did a great deal wrong that day instead of playing the victim
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Mom you are NTA in one aspect and a little a**h*** in an other aspect. Your daughter is definitely being an a**h***. You feed, house, buy clothes, and educate your 16 year old. Why the ef are you paying her to look after her siblings. Looking after her brother and sister is part of being a big sister. She is part of the immediate family, she is not a stranger. My cousin didn't get paid to look after my brother and me when we were children, when we lived with them, for years. My brother doesn't pay his daughter to look after her brother. Looking after your brothers and sisters is part of being in a family. It is not and never has been a paying position.
feeding, buying clothes, and educating your kid is the legal bare minimum though, isnt it?
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She’s lucky the neighbor didn’t call the cops - I would have. Or wasn’t a psychopath.
Definitely agree with you on both. I can get past Polly not wanting to cancel her plans but it makes me cringe a bit that she took Cassie to the neighbors and left no way for them to communicate with the mom. That's a real AH move there.
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If she's really acting that out of character, and is that desperate to be at that party, it's a boy. Or something similar. The mom should be wondering WHY the daughter was so insistent.
If it is a boy or girl (as Cyanpaw20) emphasized)or something similar. What difference does it really make? This story is about a 16 yr old teenager and a single mom of 3.
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August 1998, Lego Land in the UK 🇬🇧, my little sister was 3 years old and I was pushing her pram around with my mum afew feet infront of me. One moment of distraction (a bag of Haribos that I was holding, fell out of my hands). Stopped to pick up for what was like 3 seconds and that's how my sister was baby-napped at Lego Land. She was found eventually but I have never enjoyed Jelly Candy from then. I also learnt the hard way that you cannot ever leave family alone like that, unattended and uncared for.
So sorry you went through that! Just know that you were not inattentive. We just live in an evil world and I'm sure you did the best you could at that age. You were being a good sibling. Please don't blame yourself. We all learn but we're not perfect. Your situation is totally different from what Polly did. May I ask though, what was your Mom doing when that happened? I know she was walking in front of you, but was she distracted too? I'm not asking to place blame on anyone, but as a Mom myself maybe it will help me be more aware when I'm out and about with my own. So scary!!
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Being the oldest of 5 by 10 years, I was often the babysitter, I missed out on a thousand things as a teen because my parents were always working and had no one else to watch us. I've always been responsible for the wellbeing of my siblings and while I do resent my parents sometimes for my lack of freedom which had developed into terrible social skills and a very limited friend pool, it also made me really close to my siblings, I'm an adult out of the house and the oldest are late teens now and beg me to come hangout with them every weekend. And now as an adult I get to do all the cool stuff I always wanted but with them. This kid, Polly, is a brat, who doesn't seem to understand that sometimes we don't get what we want, and sometimes we have to give up what we want for others who can't ever really appreciate it, like younger siblings who will never know all you did for them.
If it had been me, I think I would have brought the 8 year old and the teen with me. I am a father of 6 girls and have had many situations just like this. I am not saying what you did was wrong but in bringing them all with you, you have them all in one place. All my girls thank me and their Mom all the time for making them do things as a family good and bad because it set them up as a good adults. Both of us worked, one at night and one at day. There have been tons of ER visits where we were all sitting in there for hours on end. Some of my daughters who have kids of their own read this and asked the same question I did, why did she not keep everyone together so one bad situation didn't turn into 3 bad situations. As a single parent it is of course harder, but that would seem to me to make the decision of having everyone together Paramount. The teen and the 8 year old missed the opportunity to see how a situation like this is handled. This is old parenting but still good.
Hospitals are the "filthiest" of all places. No matter how good of an hospital that could have been, how clean could have been, it's still a place where people with illnesses (in ER often undiagnosed) concentrate to be cured. It's not wise to take kids to the ER just to wait with you. Her brother was sick, there's no need to endanger the little sister's health too. I know it seems a bit extreme and paranoid, but I think hospitals shouldn't be seen as places to just stay and hang out or something... Emergencies happen, it's sad that this mother can't count on her older daughter for support when needed.
Load More Replies... Your daughter is a little b***h, sorry. She should babysit for a nominal fee. Paying her $18 an hour is far too much. She needs to learn.
It really says something about her that she gives the sis to the neighbor and still wants payment. Deranged view on reality Polly has
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This is the problem when people try to be friends instead of parents to their kids. She needs to learn what responsibility and being a member of a family is. Yes she needs dome time with her friends to grow but she also needs to know that as part of a family, she is expected to help. Especially in times of emergencies. I know it's not easy as a single parent, Keep to your guns until she learns her lesson
OP is definitely NTA, but her daughter is an entitled brat. She went wa-a-a-ay over the line when she dropped her sister off at the house of a neighbor neither she nor her mother knew, just so she could hang out with her friends. ANYTHING could have happened to her sister, and whose fault would it have been? Wait, don't tell me--not Polly's fault, of course /s. Frankly, I think that being grounded for two weeks is rather light, given the circumstances. Two months would have been more suitable, afterwards having to earn back all of the privileges she lost. Any more trouble during the grounding, and those privileges are gone with the wind. From this point on, Polly should know the joy of earning her own money, instead of receiving an allowance. Paying for her own cellphone, clothing, transportation, and special events. The next time OP needs a sitter, hire one and pay her VERY well. Nothing like a hefty dose of reality to bring someone down from their ivory tower.
Easy enough to get a job to support herself, then Polly won't listen to mom at all.
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I, as the oldest of 5 siblings, have had to babysit numerous times and never once got paid. Never got an allowance, I was "allowed to live at home". Now at 19 I don't pay rent to them either, I keep up with chores and idk, I always felt like that was fair. Now, I am antisocial and rarely wanted to do anything with friends, but even if I did, there is absolutely no excuse to behave the way Polly did. She's been given more than enough wiggle room and the fact she wants paid AFTER what she did? That's a sure sign of an entitled adult in the making.
Congrats, you were used as free labor. Bas8c needs aren't payment when ur a minor
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NTA but the eldest daughter is more than an AH. Mother was PAYING the teen and she not only abandoned the youngest to a STRANGER but then thinks she still deserves the pay? No, just hell no. I am sorry her plans got ruined but little lady needs to wake up and realize grown ups have their plans ruined all the time. Nope, time to hardcore ground her, remove all privileges, she can take a school bus to school so no more need for her phone or car. A few months, or until Privileged Polly turns 18. No more bailing her out since she willingly risked her baby sister. She needs to pull her cranium out of her waste evacuation tunnel.
Hahahah couldn't help but laugh when you said waste evacuation tunnel. Totally agree with you in everything except I'm not sorry Polly's plans got ruined. Lol.
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That's some over the top selfishness... Even by teenager standards. 2 weeks grounded is not nearly enough punishment. 2 months minimum. And no phone, no social media, no worries about her keeping her phone for safety reasons because she drives to and from school. Nope. Take the keys. Selfish little AH can ride the damned bus!! Leaves her sister with A MALE STRANGER? Because she has PLANS with her friends? Nope. BS on that! It wasn't the dang PROM!! In my house she wouldn't get any privileges back until Summer started.
Woooosahhh!! That 16 year old smh what if that man was a pervert and touched your child? Two weeks is minor she would have gotten a month if it was me she doesn’t understand that what she did was dangerous leaving her sister with a stranger what if he abducted her? Your daughter is selfish her baby brother was sick those girls could have easily came over or she could have taken her sister with her. I’m not saying that man did but i would have to ask my child what did he say or do while she was there. I worry about small defenseless children.
She's not asked to babysit ever? And paid when she does??? Time for reality check. Family is family and you pitch in and help. Regardless!!! Sounds like a LOT needs to change and oldest girl needs serious adjustment. If she was sick, would she not want someone to take her to er without arguing with siblings?? She better rethink her actions.
I've never spanked my kids, but if this was my kid she wouldn't be able to sit down for a couple days. What a little snot rag, 2 weeks she'd be grounded until menopause, hers.
I don't know about a spanking but if it were my kid I would've smacked the phone out of their hand, there was an emergency and she made a bad choice. She left her baby sister (in my eyes 8 is still a baby (I have a younger sibling)) with an unknown man who could've been a perv, and thank the gods he wasn't, just so she could hang out. I'd be questioning her friends too because, and I said this in an earlier comment, her friends might've gotten mad at her and that's why she chose to leave (I'm 20 so my teenage years aren't too far back). I'd also be asking what she told her friends to see if she lied or they pressured her (I've seen it happen).
Load More Replies... Polly is nothing but an entitled, spoiled brat but that's what she's been raised to be. Guess what child? Your siblings ARE your problem. As long as you live under your mommy's roof, you follow her rules and help out when asked without pay. You're living there rent free and you get clothes your mom paid for and fed (which yes, is your parents' responsibility, meaning BOTH of your parents) but you have a car!? And a cell phone? AND get an allowance!? What???? Honey, those are luxuries and not necessities. If you were my child that car would be sold, no allowance, and you'd have to work for those things because you have no sense of responsibility nor accountability for your actions. You should be grateful for your Mom. She takes good care of you BY HERSELF and that's how you treat her and your siblings? Life ain't about you, honey. And to the father, I hope you pay child support AT THE VERY LEAST for these children that are equally your responsibility since you helped create them, since you're not doing anything else for them. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Thank God the neighbor is a decent person. I mean if you take a random sampling of people most are going to be decent, law abiding folk. The small percentage of sickos that do terrible things get a lot if coverage and make us all scarred and lose hope for humanity; but, Polly didn't have any way of knowing she wasn't about to win the devil's lottery and leave her 8 year old sister with a perv. There's something wrong with that girl. She's 16 in 2022; she knows the kind of bad things that can happen. She might as well as left her sister with a random person on the street; same odds. She also showed an extraordinary amount of manipulative behavior laying to the neighbor.
That's sort of true that most people are decent, but it's also not. Many f****d up things are way more common than anyone wants to admit. And many of the people who do those things are people who you'd think were safe and among that set of decent folks. For example, [6 years old - neighbor beat me with a shoe at a sleepover] [7 years old - molested by my babysitter's son] [8 years old - teacher got mad and poured glue on me during class] [12 years old - random family friend put his hand up my shorts] [0-18 years old - abusive father, extended family all aware of it, refused assistance] [16 years old - reported abuse to guidance counselor, who told me to stop lying] It only takes the one of the bad persons at a vulnerable time for something significant to go wrong.
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If the behaviour is so out of character for "polly", I'd be looking at the friends she supposedly had plans with. I'm thinking one or more of them either pressured or enabled her to make those irresponsible and selfish decisions. Teenagers aren't always awful, but it only takes one bad apple to set the rest off because teenage mob mentality is definitely a thing. By no means am I excusing her poor decisions, just thinking about contributing factors behind them
That doesn't matter. What her friends pressured her to do DOES NOT MATTER! She's responsible for her own behavior!!
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Polly is seriously lacking in the empathy department. At 16 she should know better than to do what she did. At 16 she should have watched her siblings more than once in her life and not have been paid. She needs a serious attitude adjustment and to grow up. I'd ground her for longer than a month.
I would have knocked her a*s out. She could care less in this world of child stealing and rape she left her sister with strangers. She doesn't want to part of the family I'd take her phone computer and everything outside of food and a roof. No new clothes unless they came from a free box.
And many of these other parents would have knocked her a** out too but they can't let the readers know it! Lmao 🤣 🤣 thank you for your honesty!!
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Wow my mom would have kicked my butt from here to the moon. This moms first born has some serious entitlement issues , I also think the mom is to blame. You guys are a family and we need to be there for each other nothing else matters. Lol she is asking for payment unreal!
Her daughter needs to be mentally evaluated! Something isn't right. She's 16 and she didn't think twice about her little sister's safety? And no, not asking for a number is not teenage logic. She sounds like a sociopath.
NTA. That's a legitimate EMERGENCY and in those situations everyone in the family does what they're capable of. Good on her for not perpetually dumping babysitting on her daughter, I was often left with my three younger siblings growing up starting at an age when I was definitely not old enough (and that among other things has caused some issues), but in this case the teen should have stepped up.
I really don't understand Reddit and BP posting these so obvious AITA stories, when clearly the OPs are NTA. Is it for validation on such a clear yes or no question? Is it to gang up on the real AH in the story and have the OP be able to say "See? I told you so"? Maybe it's getting some insight on why the AH's do/say the things that makes them an AH?
I can't speak for the veracity of stories. But I can speak to the guilt of motherhood. It's an enormous weight that we often don't realize we are carrying. And we can see it when some other mom comments about feeling like a jerk, but we can't see it when we feel like a jerk. My mom agreed to be the caregiver for her MIL, despite the fact her husband - MIL's son - died in 1989. MIL literally broke my mother's back, after also gaslighting and verbally abusing my mom for more than a year. Yesterday, my mom - after having quit being her caretaker four years ago - still said she knew she was going to hell for not taking care of her husband's mom, and that her husband would have been disappointed in her (he wouldn't have; he didn't like his mom). So even if the story is fake, the guilt rings true.
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Polly would have NO car, NO phone, NO electronics, NO contact except at school if she lived in my house. She needs to ride that big yellow taxi (school bus) and earn back trust and privileges.
Please look your 16 year old in the face and explain to her that her brother could have died. Like this is a life and death situation and she wants to go f*** off with her friends. You can ground her all you want but the realization is not going to sink in. She probably does need therapy. This level of selfishness is beyond belief. My kid has said some a****** stuff before but this really crosses the line. My child is 12 and isn't even this irresponsible. I'm saying this in a very loving fashion. She may need some counseling. I mean who knows why she acted like this. There's probably something going on. But yeah I definitely wouldn't trust her with anything. Cutting off for allowance was really good. It connects that she isn't responsible enough to handle that responsibility and to get rewarded for a responsibility that she should be mature enough for. She will see the consequences and not looking through a glass with a mature eye
Mom sounds very kind, considerate and caring. So how on earth her daughter has turned out to be so selfish, self-centred and entitled is mind boggling.
Honestly, I don't think I could live with my eldest after this stunt she pulled: her sibling could have died. I'd have shipped her the next day to wherever her father currently lives and let him deal with her until she reaches 21. After that, neither of the parents has any legal responsibility on keeping the kids under their roof. Drop the A-hole.
Shipping her to her father sounds brilliant! He helped create this situation with his absence.
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Maybe she doesn't have a strong relationship with Cassie because, the mom said their dad left when she was born, if she had a close relationship with her dad maybe she blames Cassie for her dad leaving?
YTA. OP could (and should) have taken the younger child with her. RSV doesn't kill EIGHT YEAR OLD children.
Two weeks is not nearly enough. That is some crazy selfish BS, not normal teenage behavior. Most teenagers can understand an emergency situation and care enough about their siblings not to leave them with strangers, or at the VERY least, don't want to get in trouble. I would be concerned.
This was the 1960s. My siblings are 5 and 7 years younger then me. My parents didn't go out very much and my Grandma would come down to look after them. She could be rather bossy though. When I was 15, parents were going out and Dad asked my Mum about having his mum come over. My reaction was rather blunt and said that I could look after them just as well as grandma often said that she couldn't get up to the floor that they slept on. Parents weren't too keen due to my age so I suggested that they asked neighbours that we had known for years if I needed help, I could go to them. They did and I looked after them. My pay? I stayed up a lot later then normal, plus I treat my self to some fish and chips from the local shop 5 mins away. I was 15 at the time. This girl needs a good kick were it would do the most good. This was an emergency No sympathy for her and she deserves everything she gets and more
Slapping the sh*t out of Polly for taking Cassie to strangers would have been considered overreacting for some but instead you took a more rational approach by taking away liberties that she enjoys. You seem to have a lot of respect for Polly and her social development but she doesn't have the same for you when needing help in a pinch or the well being of Cassie or Trevor. With that being said I know a bit much but you could have taken Cassie with you to the ER and your mom could have picked her up from there. I wouldn't leave a turtle with Polly because in this situation her focus clearly was not on her family and she was making that clear.
Don't babysit for her anymore. She doesn't respect you and your time. She was radio silent you responded as you should. I also agree that the babysitters mom doesn't respect them either.
Polly should have been involved with looking after her siblings and supporting her mother BEFORE she was a teenager. I walked my sister to school every day from age 7 and so did everyone I knew. Older kids get privileges because they get responsibility. Child rearing is so messed up now. The idea that a girl could care so little about her younger sibs.... Did she even care about the one in hospital? Of course not, because of "unconditional love" and "self esteem" and never a word about duty
Polly gets on with brother. Polly 8 when Cassie born and dad left. Does Polly blame Cassie for dad leaving?
She needs to sit and watch, then take a test on, some documentaries about child related crimes (everything from SA, to trafficking, to slavery, etc). Make her get 90% to earn back some privileges.
I wonder what these friends were planning and if this had something to do with a person she likes (crushes) on some way. Hormones override the brain at her age. I remember! It was clearly a "ride or die" situation for her. Death, danger or dismemberment be damned.
Naw, you're NTA... Sorry, but sincerely F your kid Polly... No regard for her sick sibling to disregard her plans and wait to see if they're alright and no regard for the safety of her other sibling...You tried to give her a responsible free childhood and it turned into a spoiled, selfish 16 yo...
I am african nd most africans will not tolerate our kids to be disrespectful like dis.I feed u,cloth u,put a roof over ur head nd nd u refuse to babysit ur kid sibling?Yes it is my responsibilty to take care of u but u also hv to do ur part in helping at home nd not be galivanting arnd town in de name of u also hv ur life to live.If she cant do something as simple nd helping out as dis,she must get out of my hse nd fend for herself.I dont take such nonsense from my kids.I dont threaten or beat my kids but dey dare not do dis.It is how u bring dem up from de begining which says a lot at de end.
While what Polly did was in unacceptable she is a teenager. They're still not an adult to fully grasp their own selfishness. The mother was obviously NTA but let's remember her daughter does not usually have that type of responsibility. My children used to babysit their younger sibling. It was just art of life being a single mother and having to work. There were times I would have to rely on the older ones to pitch in. The mother has stated that it was not normal behavior for her daughter. Hopefully the daughter learns her lesson from being grounded and maybe a little lesson on what can happen at a strangers house.
Different situations require different solutions. The 16 yo knew what was expected of her in this particular family emergency and chose to shirk her responsibility and place her sibling in danger so she herself could go out to play. Very surprised someone in a military family is so unconcerned with the concepts of duty and loyalty, nor with teaching those values to her own children.
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Or, the husband can pitch in and help take care of the kids he helped create. Most men don't realize the work it takes for their wives to be working 24/7 to raise kids while their husbands come home, kick off their shoes and relax. Men whine about the weight gain of their wives. Well then, take over the child care so your wife has time to take care of herself instead of everyone else all the time. Sacrifice sometimes so she can get proper sleep, or go get a spa day or go get some exercise time in. Father's don't drop to the totem pole if they have equal respect and help raise the kids too. It's not only the mother's job.
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She was explicitly told that the adult was NOT a trusted adult.
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Sweetheart, you’re the one who needs a reality check! The almost adult is part of a FAMILY and you ALWAYS drop everything when your family member has an emergency. SMH
Load More Replies... There's a bigger concern than payment, grounding etc., and that's Polly's LACK of concern for her sister's safety. She needs a serious discussion about how dangerous that could have been.
That's my concern too. I'd seriously have her in therapy. This level of self-centeredness is really concerning. I'd be worried that only punishment wouldn't get at the root of this problem. Which was just an extreme lack of concern for anybody but herself. Didn't care about mom, the neighbor, brother, or sister. Did not stop to consider how she was affecting a single one of these people. That needs some looking into.
Load More Replies... Loads of commenters here have made incredibly valid points - and I wholeheartedly agree. This mother seems wonderful, making sure her daughter is able to enjoy her childhood. However, I feel so sorry for the Mum because if there's another emergency she's not going to feel like she can trust her nearly adult daughter even. She has no-one. That's a really s****y position to be in
And it's always on the mom while a*****e father just gets to walk s away when it gets too hard. Every. Freaking. Time.
Load More Replies... Not sure what the mom did wrong in raising her firstborn, but that girl is going to get a serious reality check. Because OF COURSE we have to change our plans inn family emergencies. Over and over, for the rest of our lives. And, no, kids don't get paid for doing family chores. There are some things that are just our duty to do and chores are one way of learning that. That girl better gets some more feedback on her selfishness or she is in for some terrible life lessons.
.... Might not be an education flaws.... I dread to throw the word but..... That total absence of empathy toward a sick baby?........... That smells sociopathy to me
Load More Replies... You are NTA but you definitely need to check your daughters attitude. Definitely make her get a job and if it was me I’d also say make her pay her own phone bill if she wants a phone. If she wants a car, make her pay for that too down the line. Teach her how to be grateful for the good stuff she has, she sounds entitled and spoiled to act that way.
Car should have been taken away too. B***h you can't be responsible to watch your sister in an emergency then you can't be responsible to drive a car.
In Polly's defense, the post doesn't say anything about her having or driving a car. Edit: after further research and a tip from an unknown source (named Beachbum) we have concluded that this defense would fail miserably. Polly would do well to avoid me for legal counsel. I yield.
Load More Replies... Polly had something going on that couldn't be changed. It was more than going over to hang out with friends. Some event was planned for that time. But in what universe is the notion that "I want her to be a teenager, so that means not asking her to babysit" a sane one? There are two aspects to growth here: learning how to be responsible, and feeling the pride and value in doing something significant that actually matters. Asking a child to do something for you doesn't turn them into a slave; it turns them into a valued and important member of a family.
Another thing... MOMS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO DO IT ALL. There are three children in that family who can be supporting each other and lighten the load of the parent (the SINGLE parent, who doesn't have a spouse to help!). Not having a burned out mom benefits EVERYONE. Having helpful children creates helpful adults who understand teamwork and cooperation. Lastly, the neighbors - however imperfect they may be - are totally awesome to have stepped up at all. Bake them some cookies (or something), and get to know them. Community is important.
Load More Replies... At the VERY least, however many hours you were at the hospital is how many weeks she should be grounded.
Unless OP was there at least 10 hours, it won't be enough...
Load More Replies... If I had pulled a stunt like that as a teenager especially at that age my parents would have grounded me for at least a year and that would have included extreme amounts of extra cleaning you took over everyone's chores when you were grounded. Sh she dropped her little sister off with an unknown man who could have raped or killed her or something!
Polly needs a reality check. If I was the mum she would not have a car either I'd sell it and tell her since since not grown up enough then obviously she's not mature enough to drive. This was an emergency and all she was bothered about was hanging out with her friends. She risked her little sister's life for what,to hang out. What a selfish entitled little princess
At sixteen one is aware of the vulnerability of children, especially when they have younger siblings. This was a completely selfish, thoughtless move on Polly's part. She has many lessons to learn in this situation. Alas, most could very well be lost on her. Mom may not be innocent in all of this, and no doubt, a touch of teenaged angst because daddy left, but this is next level selfishness.
I was expecting this to be a case of parentifying the older kid, but was pleasantly surprised. This was totally reasonable. The older sister normally isn't expected to help with the younger siblings, but there was an emergency. Mom acknowledged that she was interrupting her plans and apologized, but there was an emergency. Furthermore, the mom DID have sitters, but none of them were responding. Punishment was not getting paid for the job she failed to do, short grounding, and a lecture, which is very reasonable. Polly is a total a*****e who left her sister with strangers and didn't even leave a contact number, which endangered her sister. Just so she could see friends. Yeah. Total NTA, and I hope Polly finds some maturity as she grows up.
Yes, older siblings should help with younger siblings especially when there is only one parent…it’s called a family! Everyone should pull their weight, whether it is doing chores or helping with younger family members.
Load More Replies... It’s been a few moons since I was a teenager, and when I was, I was a huge a*****e on many occasions. Never ever in my drunken stupors would I ever have let my little bro be put in an uncompromising situation. I grew up with a single mom with 3 kids and I knew never ever abandon my siblings. I’m wondering if this teen aged has something undiagnosed because this level of lacking compassion and selfishness is unreal!
Seriously! I'm one of the biggest jerks I know of at times. But even as a teenager... Mess with my little sister or little brother and you'll be dealing with me. It's genuinely chilling.
Load More Replies... Children seem to forget that as long as they are minors, they are not entitled to just make plans. My son will try that. I have no problem with him hanging out with his friends, but he can't plan a sleepover without informing me.
Children seem to firget to think and reason like adults. I wonder why.
Load More Replies... Wait till that kid discovers motherhood. She won't be paid for that, for da*n sure. While nobody's an angel here, the teen is definitely out of line IMHO. She's not a sitter, she's a *sister*. If I can watch my second cousin's kid free? She can suck it up for her siblings or admit *she* needs to be babysat. Which is, unfortunately, how it seems. During an emergency even. For pity's sake.
You're exactly right. Polly needs a sitter herself. She can't be trusted with the slightest thing. She's only concerned with her own agenda. Her mom said that she may not have given her enough responsibilities and that's likely a part of the issue but that's some cold and calculated behavior with her lies and dumping her sister with the neighbor. That's scary. Polly definitely needs to come to the realization where she can accept that the did a great deal wrong that day instead of playing the victim
Load More Replies... Mom you are NTA in one aspect and a little a**h*** in an other aspect. Your daughter is definitely being an a**h***. You feed, house, buy clothes, and educate your 16 year old. Why the ef are you paying her to look after her siblings. Looking after her brother and sister is part of being a big sister. She is part of the immediate family, she is not a stranger. My cousin didn't get paid to look after my brother and me when we were children, when we lived with them, for years. My brother doesn't pay his daughter to look after her brother. Looking after your brothers and sisters is part of being in a family. It is not and never has been a paying position.
feeding, buying clothes, and educating your kid is the legal bare minimum though, isnt it?
Load More Replies... She’s lucky the neighbor didn’t call the cops - I would have. Or wasn’t a psychopath.
Definitely agree with you on both. I can get past Polly not wanting to cancel her plans but it makes me cringe a bit that she took Cassie to the neighbors and left no way for them to communicate with the mom. That's a real AH move there.
Load More Replies... If she's really acting that out of character, and is that desperate to be at that party, it's a boy. Or something similar. The mom should be wondering WHY the daughter was so insistent.
If it is a boy or girl (as Cyanpaw20) emphasized)or something similar. What difference does it really make? This story is about a 16 yr old teenager and a single mom of 3.
Load More Replies... August 1998, Lego Land in the UK 🇬🇧, my little sister was 3 years old and I was pushing her pram around with my mum afew feet infront of me. One moment of distraction (a bag of Haribos that I was holding, fell out of my hands). Stopped to pick up for what was like 3 seconds and that's how my sister was baby-napped at Lego Land. She was found eventually but I have never enjoyed Jelly Candy from then. I also learnt the hard way that you cannot ever leave family alone like that, unattended and uncared for.
So sorry you went through that! Just know that you were not inattentive. We just live in an evil world and I'm sure you did the best you could at that age. You were being a good sibling. Please don't blame yourself. We all learn but we're not perfect. Your situation is totally different from what Polly did. May I ask though, what was your Mom doing when that happened? I know she was walking in front of you, but was she distracted too? I'm not asking to place blame on anyone, but as a Mom myself maybe it will help me be more aware when I'm out and about with my own. So scary!!
Load More Replies... Being the oldest of 5 by 10 years, I was often the babysitter, I missed out on a thousand things as a teen because my parents were always working and had no one else to watch us. I've always been responsible for the wellbeing of my siblings and while I do resent my parents sometimes for my lack of freedom which had developed into terrible social skills and a very limited friend pool, it also made me really close to my siblings, I'm an adult out of the house and the oldest are late teens now and beg me to come hangout with them every weekend. And now as an adult I get to do all the cool stuff I always wanted but with them. This kid, Polly, is a brat, who doesn't seem to understand that sometimes we don't get what we want, and sometimes we have to give up what we want for others who can't ever really appreciate it, like younger siblings who will never know all you did for them.
If it had been me, I think I would have brought the 8 year old and the teen with me. I am a father of 6 girls and have had many situations just like this. I am not saying what you did was wrong but in bringing them all with you, you have them all in one place. All my girls thank me and their Mom all the time for making them do things as a family good and bad because it set them up as a good adults. Both of us worked, one at night and one at day. There have been tons of ER visits where we were all sitting in there for hours on end. Some of my daughters who have kids of their own read this and asked the same question I did, why did she not keep everyone together so one bad situation didn't turn into 3 bad situations. As a single parent it is of course harder, but that would seem to me to make the decision of having everyone together Paramount. The teen and the 8 year old missed the opportunity to see how a situation like this is handled. This is old parenting but still good.
Hospitals are the "filthiest" of all places. No matter how good of an hospital that could have been, how clean could have been, it's still a place where people with illnesses (in ER often undiagnosed) concentrate to be cured. It's not wise to take kids to the ER just to wait with you. Her brother was sick, there's no need to endanger the little sister's health too. I know it seems a bit extreme and paranoid, but I think hospitals shouldn't be seen as places to just stay and hang out or something... Emergencies happen, it's sad that this mother can't count on her older daughter for support when needed.
Load More Replies... Your daughter is a little b***h, sorry. She should babysit for a nominal fee. Paying her $18 an hour is far too much. She needs to learn.
It really says something about her that she gives the sis to the neighbor and still wants payment. Deranged view on reality Polly has
Load More Replies... This is the problem when people try to be friends instead of parents to their kids. She needs to learn what responsibility and being a member of a family is. Yes she needs dome time with her friends to grow but she also needs to know that as part of a family, she is expected to help. Especially in times of emergencies. I know it's not easy as a single parent, Keep to your guns until she learns her lesson
OP is definitely NTA, but her daughter is an entitled brat. She went wa-a-a-ay over the line when she dropped her sister off at the house of a neighbor neither she nor her mother knew, just so she could hang out with her friends. ANYTHING could have happened to her sister, and whose fault would it have been? Wait, don't tell me--not Polly's fault, of course /s. Frankly, I think that being grounded for two weeks is rather light, given the circumstances. Two months would have been more suitable, afterwards having to earn back all of the privileges she lost. Any more trouble during the grounding, and those privileges are gone with the wind. From this point on, Polly should know the joy of earning her own money, instead of receiving an allowance. Paying for her own cellphone, clothing, transportation, and special events. The next time OP needs a sitter, hire one and pay her VERY well. Nothing like a hefty dose of reality to bring someone down from their ivory tower.
Easy enough to get a job to support herself, then Polly won't listen to mom at all.
Load More Replies... I, as the oldest of 5 siblings, have had to babysit numerous times and never once got paid. Never got an allowance, I was "allowed to live at home". Now at 19 I don't pay rent to them either, I keep up with chores and idk, I always felt like that was fair. Now, I am antisocial and rarely wanted to do anything with friends, but even if I did, there is absolutely no excuse to behave the way Polly did. She's been given more than enough wiggle room and the fact she wants paid AFTER what she did? That's a sure sign of an entitled adult in the making.
Congrats, you were used as free labor. Bas8c needs aren't payment when ur a minor
Load More Replies... NTA but the eldest daughter is more than an AH. Mother was PAYING the teen and she not only abandoned the youngest to a STRANGER but then thinks she still deserves the pay? No, just hell no. I am sorry her plans got ruined but little lady needs to wake up and realize grown ups have their plans ruined all the time. Nope, time to hardcore ground her, remove all privileges, she can take a school bus to school so no more need for her phone or car. A few months, or until Privileged Polly turns 18. No more bailing her out since she willingly risked her baby sister. She needs to pull her cranium out of her waste evacuation tunnel.
Hahahah couldn't help but laugh when you said waste evacuation tunnel. Totally agree with you in everything except I'm not sorry Polly's plans got ruined. Lol.
Load More Replies... That's some over the top selfishness... Even by teenager standards. 2 weeks grounded is not nearly enough punishment. 2 months minimum. And no phone, no social media, no worries about her keeping her phone for safety reasons because she drives to and from school. Nope. Take the keys. Selfish little AH can ride the damned bus!! Leaves her sister with A MALE STRANGER? Because she has PLANS with her friends? Nope. BS on that! It wasn't the dang PROM!! In my house she wouldn't get any privileges back until Summer started.
Woooosahhh!! That 16 year old smh what if that man was a pervert and touched your child? Two weeks is minor she would have gotten a month if it was me she doesn’t understand that what she did was dangerous leaving her sister with a stranger what if he abducted her? Your daughter is selfish her baby brother was sick those girls could have easily came over or she could have taken her sister with her. I’m not saying that man did but i would have to ask my child what did he say or do while she was there. I worry about small defenseless children.
She's not asked to babysit ever? And paid when she does??? Time for reality check. Family is family and you pitch in and help. Regardless!!! Sounds like a LOT needs to change and oldest girl needs serious adjustment. If she was sick, would she not want someone to take her to er without arguing with siblings?? She better rethink her actions.
I've never spanked my kids, but if this was my kid she wouldn't be able to sit down for a couple days. What a little snot rag, 2 weeks she'd be grounded until menopause, hers.
I don't know about a spanking but if it were my kid I would've smacked the phone out of their hand, there was an emergency and she made a bad choice. She left her baby sister (in my eyes 8 is still a baby (I have a younger sibling)) with an unknown man who could've been a perv, and thank the gods he wasn't, just so she could hang out. I'd be questioning her friends too because, and I said this in an earlier comment, her friends might've gotten mad at her and that's why she chose to leave (I'm 20 so my teenage years aren't too far back). I'd also be asking what she told her friends to see if she lied or they pressured her (I've seen it happen).
Load More Replies... Polly is nothing but an entitled, spoiled brat but that's what she's been raised to be. Guess what child? Your siblings ARE your problem. As long as you live under your mommy's roof, you follow her rules and help out when asked without pay. You're living there rent free and you get clothes your mom paid for and fed (which yes, is your parents' responsibility, meaning BOTH of your parents) but you have a car!? And a cell phone? AND get an allowance!? What???? Honey, those are luxuries and not necessities. If you were my child that car would be sold, no allowance, and you'd have to work for those things because you have no sense of responsibility nor accountability for your actions. You should be grateful for your Mom. She takes good care of you BY HERSELF and that's how you treat her and your siblings? Life ain't about you, honey. And to the father, I hope you pay child support AT THE VERY LEAST for these children that are equally your responsibility since you helped create them, since you're not doing anything else for them. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Thank God the neighbor is a decent person. I mean if you take a random sampling of people most are going to be decent, law abiding folk. The small percentage of sickos that do terrible things get a lot if coverage and make us all scarred and lose hope for humanity; but, Polly didn't have any way of knowing she wasn't about to win the devil's lottery and leave her 8 year old sister with a perv. There's something wrong with that girl. She's 16 in 2022; she knows the kind of bad things that can happen. She might as well as left her sister with a random person on the street; same odds. She also showed an extraordinary amount of manipulative behavior laying to the neighbor.
That's sort of true that most people are decent, but it's also not. Many f****d up things are way more common than anyone wants to admit. And many of the people who do those things are people who you'd think were safe and among that set of decent folks. For example, [6 years old - neighbor beat me with a shoe at a sleepover] [7 years old - molested by my babysitter's son] [8 years old - teacher got mad and poured glue on me during class] [12 years old - random family friend put his hand up my shorts] [0-18 years old - abusive father, extended family all aware of it, refused assistance] [16 years old - reported abuse to guidance counselor, who told me to stop lying] It only takes the one of the bad persons at a vulnerable time for something significant to go wrong.
Load More Replies... If the behaviour is so out of character for "polly", I'd be looking at the friends she supposedly had plans with. I'm thinking one or more of them either pressured or enabled her to make those irresponsible and selfish decisions. Teenagers aren't always awful, but it only takes one bad apple to set the rest off because teenage mob mentality is definitely a thing. By no means am I excusing her poor decisions, just thinking about contributing factors behind them
That doesn't matter. What her friends pressured her to do DOES NOT MATTER! She's responsible for her own behavior!!
Load More Replies... Polly is seriously lacking in the empathy department. At 16 she should know better than to do what she did. At 16 she should have watched her siblings more than once in her life and not have been paid. She needs a serious attitude adjustment and to grow up. I'd ground her for longer than a month.
I would have knocked her a*s out. She could care less in this world of child stealing and rape she left her sister with strangers. She doesn't want to part of the family I'd take her phone computer and everything outside of food and a roof. No new clothes unless they came from a free box.
And many of these other parents would have knocked her a** out too but they can't let the readers know it! Lmao 🤣 🤣 thank you for your honesty!!
Load More Replies... Wow my mom would have kicked my butt from here to the moon. This moms first born has some serious entitlement issues , I also think the mom is to blame. You guys are a family and we need to be there for each other nothing else matters. Lol she is asking for payment unreal!
Her daughter needs to be mentally evaluated! Something isn't right. She's 16 and she didn't think twice about her little sister's safety? And no, not asking for a number is not teenage logic. She sounds like a sociopath.
NTA. That's a legitimate EMERGENCY and in those situations everyone in the family does what they're capable of. Good on her for not perpetually dumping babysitting on her daughter, I was often left with my three younger siblings growing up starting at an age when I was definitely not old enough (and that among other things has caused some issues), but in this case the teen should have stepped up.
I really don't understand Reddit and BP posting these so obvious AITA stories, when clearly the OPs are NTA. Is it for validation on such a clear yes or no question? Is it to gang up on the real AH in the story and have the OP be able to say "See? I told you so"? Maybe it's getting some insight on why the AH's do/say the things that makes them an AH?
I can't speak for the veracity of stories. But I can speak to the guilt of motherhood. It's an enormous weight that we often don't realize we are carrying. And we can see it when some other mom comments about feeling like a jerk, but we can't see it when we feel like a jerk. My mom agreed to be the caregiver for her MIL, despite the fact her husband - MIL's son - died in 1989. MIL literally broke my mother's back, after also gaslighting and verbally abusing my mom for more than a year. Yesterday, my mom - after having quit being her caretaker four years ago - still said she knew she was going to hell for not taking care of her husband's mom, and that her husband would have been disappointed in her (he wouldn't have; he didn't like his mom). So even if the story is fake, the guilt rings true.
Load More Replies... Polly would have NO car, NO phone, NO electronics, NO contact except at school if she lived in my house. She needs to ride that big yellow taxi (school bus) and earn back trust and privileges.
Please look your 16 year old in the face and explain to her that her brother could have died. Like this is a life and death situation and she wants to go f*** off with her friends. You can ground her all you want but the realization is not going to sink in. She probably does need therapy. This level of selfishness is beyond belief. My kid has said some a****** stuff before but this really crosses the line. My child is 12 and isn't even this irresponsible. I'm saying this in a very loving fashion. She may need some counseling. I mean who knows why she acted like this. There's probably something going on. But yeah I definitely wouldn't trust her with anything. Cutting off for allowance was really good. It connects that she isn't responsible enough to handle that responsibility and to get rewarded for a responsibility that she should be mature enough for. She will see the consequences and not looking through a glass with a mature eye
Mom sounds very kind, considerate and caring. So how on earth her daughter has turned out to be so selfish, self-centred and entitled is mind boggling.
Honestly, I don't think I could live with my eldest after this stunt she pulled: her sibling could have died. I'd have shipped her the next day to wherever her father currently lives and let him deal with her until she reaches 21. After that, neither of the parents has any legal responsibility on keeping the kids under their roof. Drop the A-hole.
Shipping her to her father sounds brilliant! He helped create this situation with his absence.
Load More Replies... Maybe she doesn't have a strong relationship with Cassie because, the mom said their dad left when she was born, if she had a close relationship with her dad maybe she blames Cassie for her dad leaving?
YTA. OP could (and should) have taken the younger child with her. RSV doesn't kill EIGHT YEAR OLD children.
Two weeks is not nearly enough. That is some crazy selfish BS, not normal teenage behavior. Most teenagers can understand an emergency situation and care enough about their siblings not to leave them with strangers, or at the VERY least, don't want to get in trouble. I would be concerned.
This was the 1960s. My siblings are 5 and 7 years younger then me. My parents didn't go out very much and my Grandma would come down to look after them. She could be rather bossy though. When I was 15, parents were going out and Dad asked my Mum about having his mum come over. My reaction was rather blunt and said that I could look after them just as well as grandma often said that she couldn't get up to the floor that they slept on. Parents weren't too keen due to my age so I suggested that they asked neighbours that we had known for years if I needed help, I could go to them. They did and I looked after them. My pay? I stayed up a lot later then normal, plus I treat my self to some fish and chips from the local shop 5 mins away. I was 15 at the time. This girl needs a good kick were it would do the most good. This was an emergency No sympathy for her and she deserves everything she gets and more
Slapping the sh*t out of Polly for taking Cassie to strangers would have been considered overreacting for some but instead you took a more rational approach by taking away liberties that she enjoys. You seem to have a lot of respect for Polly and her social development but she doesn't have the same for you when needing help in a pinch or the well being of Cassie or Trevor. With that being said I know a bit much but you could have taken Cassie with you to the ER and your mom could have picked her up from there. I wouldn't leave a turtle with Polly because in this situation her focus clearly was not on her family and she was making that clear.
Don't babysit for her anymore. She doesn't respect you and your time. She was radio silent you responded as you should. I also agree that the babysitters mom doesn't respect them either.
Polly should have been involved with looking after her siblings and supporting her mother BEFORE she was a teenager. I walked my sister to school every day from age 7 and so did everyone I knew. Older kids get privileges because they get responsibility. Child rearing is so messed up now. The idea that a girl could care so little about her younger sibs.... Did she even care about the one in hospital? Of course not, because of "unconditional love" and "self esteem" and never a word about duty
Polly gets on with brother. Polly 8 when Cassie born and dad left. Does Polly blame Cassie for dad leaving?
She needs to sit and watch, then take a test on, some documentaries about child related crimes (everything from SA, to trafficking, to slavery, etc). Make her get 90% to earn back some privileges.
I wonder what these friends were planning and if this had something to do with a person she likes (crushes) on some way. Hormones override the brain at her age. I remember! It was clearly a "ride or die" situation for her. Death, danger or dismemberment be damned.
Naw, you're NTA... Sorry, but sincerely F your kid Polly... No regard for her sick sibling to disregard her plans and wait to see if they're alright and no regard for the safety of her other sibling...You tried to give her a responsible free childhood and it turned into a spoiled, selfish 16 yo...
I am african nd most africans will not tolerate our kids to be disrespectful like dis.I feed u,cloth u,put a roof over ur head nd nd u refuse to babysit ur kid sibling?Yes it is my responsibilty to take care of u but u also hv to do ur part in helping at home nd not be galivanting arnd town in de name of u also hv ur life to live.If she cant do something as simple nd helping out as dis,she must get out of my hse nd fend for herself.I dont take such nonsense from my kids.I dont threaten or beat my kids but dey dare not do dis.It is how u bring dem up from de begining which says a lot at de end.
While what Polly did was in unacceptable she is a teenager. They're still not an adult to fully grasp their own selfishness. The mother was obviously NTA but let's remember her daughter does not usually have that type of responsibility. My children used to babysit their younger sibling. It was just art of life being a single mother and having to work. There were times I would have to rely on the older ones to pitch in. The mother has stated that it was not normal behavior for her daughter. Hopefully the daughter learns her lesson from being grounded and maybe a little lesson on what can happen at a strangers house.
Different situations require different solutions. The 16 yo knew what was expected of her in this particular family emergency and chose to shirk her responsibility and place her sibling in danger so she herself could go out to play. Very surprised someone in a military family is so unconcerned with the concepts of duty and loyalty, nor with teaching those values to her own children.
Load More Replies... Or, the husband can pitch in and help take care of the kids he helped create. Most men don't realize the work it takes for their wives to be working 24/7 to raise kids while their husbands come home, kick off their shoes and relax. Men whine about the weight gain of their wives. Well then, take over the child care so your wife has time to take care of herself instead of everyone else all the time. Sacrifice sometimes so she can get proper sleep, or go get a spa day or go get some exercise time in. Father's don't drop to the totem pole if they have equal respect and help raise the kids too. It's not only the mother's job.
Load More Replies... She was explicitly told that the adult was NOT a trusted adult.
Load More Replies... Sweetheart, you’re the one who needs a reality check! The almost adult is part of a FAMILY and you ALWAYS drop everything when your family member has an emergency. SMH
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