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5
Parents Confused When Daughter Pulls Away After They Paid For Son’s Education But Not Hers
It’s one thing to need some help while friends and family are genuinely unable to do anything. However, it’s another thing entirely when you need the help of your family, and despite having the means to help, they just don’t.
Today’s Original Poster (OP) is a father who had the means to cover his children’s education from a fund that was set up by his parents. However, instead of using it for his daughter who struggled to get by in college, he only used it for his son.
More info: Reddit
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The author started by explaining that his kids had an education fund that was set up for them by their grandparents
Image credits: rawpixel.com / Freepik (not the actual photo)
He and his wife kept the fund in the hopes that their kids would go to grad school; but neither of them wanted to
Image credits: JacquesBN
Image credits: garetsvisual / Freepik (not the actual photo)
He and his wife then ended up using the son’s fund for his college tuition and living, while they kept their daughter’s fund
Image credits: JacquesBN
Image credits: yakobchuk / Freepik (not the actual photo)
His daughter found out after noticing her brother was living very comfortably and was hurt to find out she had a fund all along
Image credits: JacquesBN
Now the father is asking netizens whether he was wrong for holding it back, especially since she can’t access the money anymore
The OP started by explaining that when his children were much younger, their grandparents generously set up an education fund for them. As the years went by, he and his wife had expected that their children would go to college and then grad school. However, his daughter grew up to be passionate about music and film, so she attended an expensive school but it was covered with scholarships.
Through everything, the OP and his wife didn’t tell her about the fund. Instead, she lived in a cramped apartment and learned how to budget until she finished studying. After graduation, she found a job she loved but decided against further education. Their son, on the other hand, pursued engineering but had no interest in grad school, either.
However, since he lacked scholarships, the OP and his wife used his education fund to fully cover his tuition and living expenses. This allowed him to live comfortably in a large apartment close to his school—something his sister never had. When the OP’s daughter asked how her brother was able to afford everything while she struggled, she learned about the fund and was shocked.
His daughter then asked if she could access her money, only to be told there would be penalties for withdrawal. If taken out, the funds would legally return to her grandparents. Feeling betrayed, she grew distant and stopped responding to her parents’ calls. The OP insists it isn’t really her money, as it was meant for education. However, his daughter is extremely upset as her brother got full access while she struggled.
Image credits: Wavebreak Media / Freepik (not the actual photo)
According to the Counseling and Wellness Center, favoritism in parenting can have lasting effects on both the favored and unfavored child.
Furthermore, it can stem from gender, birth order, or career choices. While the unfavored child may feel resentment, the favored one can struggle with dependency and always seeking approval from people.
Regarding career choices, Valor Dictus acknowledges that people often view liberal arts education as unnecessary due to more limited jobs as opposed to STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics) jobs with high salaries. However, they maintain that the arts and humanities should never be undervalued or seen as disruptive.
Since the OP and his wife had decided not to use their daughter’s fund despite her needing it, Therapy Group of NYC affirms that not helping a person when they are aware you can help often discourages them from asking for help or support. They further explained that it also leads to feelings of betrayal.
Netizens were brutally honest by calling out the OP and his wife as unfair. Many pointed out that both children made the same decision—skipping grad school—yet only the son benefited from the education fund.
Others suggested that OP and his wife compensate their daughter for the hardship she had to endure on her own while her brother had full support. What do you think about this? We would love to hear your thoughts!
Netizens blatantly told the father he was very unfair for doing that to his daughter and insisted that he should compensate her
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What do you think ?
Ellinor 10 months ago
So they were okay with their daughter living in a small place shared with many people but thought that their son deserved a big empty apartment to focus on his studies ? How can they not see it !!!
LakotaWolf (she/her) 10 months ago
Found these comments from OP on Reddit: "We are all Catholic with the exception of my daughter." and "My wife, my son and I are all religious and my daughter left the faith when she moved out, which caused a big argument. There were other smaller issues relating to how she identifies, appearance choices, partners, etc. We generally don't bring up these topics because there is no agreement that we can really come to." DING DING DING! Mommy and Daddy are good widdle Catholics and Golden Boy is too, so of course he gets his money! Daughter decided to leave the faith, so Mommy and Daddy say she can rot on Earth before she rots in hell for her choices.
Load More Replies...
Vinnie 10 months ago (edited)
I give the black sheep daughter a lot of credit. Some kids act out in self-destructive ways; she chose to go her own way and avoid contact with them. The mother might get to brag "My son is an engineer" but the daughter has fully earned the right to say "I did it without my parents' help."
Vinnie 10 months ago
And also "F*ck 'em, because they don't want me and I don't need them." The father is at least rethinking his role in the mess, but he comes as a package with the judgmental and inflexible wife.
Load More Replies...
Surly Scot 10 months ago
They lost themselves a daughter. But from OP's description, seems like the mother wasn't interested in the daughter anyway since she's not a clone of her mother. Father is incapable of not showing favoritism towards son, even blatantly, and needs 3rd parties to point out how much of a douche he is (PHD degrees don't give you brains, it just trains you to be able to do 1 thing). Poor girl, I bet it just hit her how much she doesn't really have, and has never had, an actual family, she was just a 5th wheel to be mildly considered. Hope she went NC and moved on with her life.
Michael MacKinnon 10 months ago
The update closing with the "I tried to call my daughter with no luck...." Umm, no, that was deliberate. The relationship is over. She's unlikely to even come to your funeral.
Broadredpanda 10 months ago
OP, YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY SHOCKING!! And this is what favouring one child over another looks like!!! You didn’t like what she was studying so you made her live the way you thought she deserved, but your son was studying a subject you approved of? NC is what you deserve! And the fact YOUR WIFE doesn’t get on with her speaks volumes about WHO COMES FIRST! You make me sick!!!!
Load More Replies... 
Joanne Wright 10 months ago
You screwed up big time. Be prepared to lose your daughter forever..
Tabitha 10 months ago (edited)
Dad should just roll his daughter’s half of the education fund into an IRA or other solid long term investment for her future. At least give her some kind of substantial nest egg to try to make up for withholding it when she was in college.
Littlemiss 10 months ago
It won't happen though, mommy dearest won't like it and he's gone along the treatment of the daughter her whole life. They stuffed up royally and don't really care, mommy dearest will magically get to keep the funds for herself now which was probably the whole point in the first place.
Load More Replies...
Kate Johnson 10 months ago (edited)
Reading her response, "I don't care", I think she's just done with them and tapping out. Away from their toxic religion and their toxic parenting. She doesn't want their money now, as it wouldn't change anything. They cannot ever fix what they broke and should expect that she will no longer be much interested in their participation in her life. I imagine she'll just pull further away until she's barely visible to them anymore.
rorschach-penguin 10 months ago (edited)
What kind of f*****g moron decides that their kids should go into student debt in undergrad because they might want to go to grad school later on (and they don't have the information to even know that they'd have financial assistance in attending grad school)? Grad school is usually funded anyway!
Tom De Paul 7 months ago
Except for professional schools. Hers would have been funded; his probably not. Do engineers typically get advanced degrees? I know a number get JDs or MBAs, but I mean in engineering.
Load More Replies...
Princess Possum 10 months ago
If the funds were set up as actual education accounts, like a 529 in the US, then that money really does belong to her. Students list the 529s as income on their FAFSA forms, not the parents.
Tom De Paul 7 months ago
What rules govern disbursement if there is no educational need?
Load More Replies... 
Dean Hudson 10 months ago
I would love to see a current update since this is at least 2 years old. I do think the whole deal was done with less thought than most would have. The grandparents set this up for education and the kids should have been told they had it to use upon HS graduation. To stipulate only grad school is wrong and then to give to the son because the parents felt he deserved it more due to his choices is way wrong! the parents ATA in this one for sure showing obvious favoritism . And dad shouldn't have had to ask his daughter if she wanted the money. It's her's and should be given to her as she went to school and struggled with housing without it.
Keri B 10 months ago
Seems like for the daughter now, this isn't even about the money. Her heart was broken when they confirmed bro is the golden child. The faith-drop, identity questions were all efforts to get attention, affirmation, feel loved. She must be one sad, lonely girl. I hope she perseveres, goes NC and instills the adage of "revenge is living your best life."
Tom De Paul 7 months ago
Or she has a loving spouse and a family of choice that cares about her.
Load More Replies...
Valerie Brillhart 10 months ago
Daughter should tell her parents to GFT and no contact. When she gets married and has children. Tell them her mom and dad are Dead
Johan Fredrik Segergren 10 months ago
A 529 college savings plan can be rolled over to a Roth IRA tax-free, starting in January 2024.
Patty Biggs 9 months ago
So the son needed a big empty apt close to school so he could study. That's so very important. But the daughter needed to learn how to budget effectively? They didn't approve of her choice of study, so the fact that she had worked hard & gotten some scholarships meant they didn't have to help her at all?Not only is her dad YTA, but her mom is double YTA!! It's obvious, so why ask? If your going to be an AH to your daughter, but pamper your son, then at least stand up & own it!!
Schmebulock 10 months ago
These s****y parents are proof that advanced education does not make you smart. They also sound like insufferable douchebags.
Johan Fredrik Segergren 10 months ago
A 529 college savings plan can be rolled over to a Roth IRA tax-free, starting in January 2024. The daughter should have a great start to her pension saving compared to the son who got the option to spend big. She is the winner asaik especially if she's working a profession she loves but that doesn't pay as well as her brothers
Nina 10 months ago (edited)
My god, what disgraceful parents. Talk about having a tonne of brains and no intelligence. Wife clearly dislikes daughter and husband is too stupid or cowardly to call her on it. Be a good parent for once in your miserable life and give her the lump sum with no strings, then get out of her life.
Fox with a Dragon Tattoo 10 months ago
So if this is real... its amazing how those so called parents cant see why she'd not want contact with them. What a profoundly selfish, garbge, judgemental move on their part.
Tracy Morgan 10 months ago
They also need to look at 529 rules; that money is hers as the beneficiary and ultimately could be rolled into a retirement account (from the little i know about it). How dare these people?!
Isabella 10 months ago
Awful people. Literally like my parents. My sibling lives with them, expense-free, no rent, no nothing, half of the house and land is on his name already. I was thrown away as soon as I was 18, and removed from the will. Why? because I did not agree my bio mother to decide who and when I marry [she wanted me to marry a guy, I said no]
ARMANDO LOPEZ 10 months ago
Rewarded your son who didn’t excelled in his studies, but not your daughter who did excelled. You should determine how much you paid for your son’s apartment and living expenses and give that amount to your daughter from your personal savings. I hope she gets to decide what fleabag nursing home you and wife end up in.
Tom Smith 10 months ago
So with all I have seen as updates, you know the answer, here is the only fix. If your wife continues with her attitude, divorce her regardless of your religious beliefs, nothing will be good there. No matter what you need to buy your daughter a house, period. You set your son up for life now do the same for her so she NEVER has to pay for it in any way outside of taxes but first find out where she wants and what she wants. Even if you think it is outrageous for cost/size/ANYTHING you have little choice as you began this and seek to blame religion, wife and your parents lack of mental ability. You need to stop delegating, or as we common people call it passing the buck, and deal with the fallout you created.
Tom De Paul 7 months ago
I don't know why he needs a divorce. He just needs to grow a spine.
Load More Replies...
Knitty Purl 10 months ago
Parental favoritism towards their son, obviously. The daughter is better off without them.
Jessica Geib 10 months ago
Most people assume that they will be paying for grad school on their own, which is what the daughter said she assumed if she ever decided she wanted to go. So, I think it should have been a conversation before starting school. My mom had a money market account set aside for me from when she sold her house before we moved in with my stepdad. When it was time to go to college, I knew I wanted to be a teacher, which would mean that eventually I would probably need to do grad school if I stayed in the field. She told me about the account and we talked to a financial advisor and came up with a plan.
Jessica Geib 10 months ago
Since my mom had the income (separate from the account) she paid for the first 3 years, and let the money continue to grow in the account. Then once I was able to qualify for student loans as an independent (not having to report her income), I was able to get low enough rates that it made more sense to leave the money in the account and take out the loans, then I could decide later if I wanted to use it to pay off my loans, use it for grad school because loan interest rates are way higher on student loans for grad school, or use it for a down payment, or another worthy cause.
Load More Replies...
Matty Vjaarsveld 10 months ago (edited)
Sorry YTA. You made it clear that what she chose to study did not meet you expectations. Furthermore she got into a good school with bursaries but had to pay her own way in a small, shared apartment far from school. Little brother studies what you agree with. No bursaries so you pay, rightly so, BUT you also pay for his nice and big apartment plus living expenses. Right there is the problem. She is happy in her chosen field, but you with your PhD and Masters are not. She is different and maybe that is why mom and her have a strained relationship. Give her the full amount you gave to her brother towards rent and expenses and the rest back for your parents care. Tell her you made a mistake because honestly you have. If your wife don't like it, tough! No matter how you try to explain this, you made your son a priority even while he's also not interested in gradschool. Tell them, the rest of the money is going back for the grandparents care. The can pay their own gradschool. That is called life in the real world. Good luck with mending your relationship with your daughter and support her even though she chose a different path for her life.
M G----no 10 months ago
I have never understood how parents could play favorites with their children. They don't deserve to be parents. Had a friend who was an older sister to a brother. Her parents only wanted the brother so once he was born, she basically didn't exist. She did everything to try to get their approval. Burned out in her mid-30's. Haven't heard from her in years because she just took off without letting anyone really know where she was going.
zxj7rfyqqw 10 months ago
POS parents. Well done for causing your daughter unnecessary harm and stress. Whether you agree with her ‘lifestyle’ or not that ISNT your money, it’s hers for her education from her grandparents and you stole that from her by not letting her have it… FOR HER EDUCATION. *slow clap*
Jeff White 10 months ago
If at all possible, I would love an update on this article. I don't think there is any way this relationship can be mended but would love to be proven wrong. Or not. This is the most believable worst case example of parents valuing their control over a child over loving the child. I'm sure the parents disagree but there would have to be some world class delusion for that to work.
meeeeeeeeeeee 10 months ago
What snobs. Oh, I have a master's, oh, look at my PhD. They clearly don't see the daughter's subject as a real education, so they decide to punish her. And, the ma seems even worse than the da. Poor kid.
Lunawood 10 months ago
I have a Masters degree and kids that are yet to decide their future education/work field. A higher education is not a free ticket to happiness nor necessarily succes. I know people who lives unhappy lifes despite having Master’s and Phd’s - and I know people that enjoy and are very successful (also financially) in a non-academic work field. I even know people who re-educated later in life to happily work in a complete different work field. Sure, every parent want their children to grow up to make a living, be independent, successful, not get into any dodgy jobs and all that stuff. And I would like to see them get some kind of education. But I would always, and before anything want my kids to live happy lives - and I will support them whether they choose an academic or non-academic road. When it is about parents personal wishes and preferences and not the child’s, it is a selfish and not a supportive act. No wonder the daughter recents her parents behaviour. These parents (especially the mother) seem to have personal (and societal status) issues to work on.
Spittnimage 10 months ago
What is it with parents babying their sons and making daughters work for everything they get?
Ethan Boatner 9 months ago
And what if you’d had two sons, one of whom was interested in the arts and film? Let him live in squalor and struggle and give money to the other who didn’t get scholarships? Or is this more because one is female? They neither went to grad school. It’s difficult to find any other factor than gender. No wonder she doesn’t want to talk to you.
Pamela Blue 9 months ago
I have always stated that having a university degree doesn't mean you are smart. I have met some extremely wise and self-educated people who didn't finish h**h school, and I know rather a few too many "scholars" who are as thick as two short planks. These two parents belong to the latter group.
Tom De Paul 7 months ago (edited)
You sound so business savvy, but in truth your dumber than sh*t. Let me ask one question that will elucidate my meaning. As between your son and daughter, which will you most likely look to to care for you and your wife in your advanced years? Yeah. See. Pretty stupid. I'd write a big check if I were you. But again, you dont seem that smart.
Ariel 8 months ago
From OP on Reddit "We are all Catholic with the exception of my daughter." and "My wife, my son and I are all religious and my daughter left the faith when she moved out, which caused a big argument. There were other smaller issues relating to how she identifies, appearance choices, partners, etc. We generally don't bring up these topics because there is no agreement that we can really come to." After reading how she was mistreated in this one situation in the history of the family, I wonder why she has chosen to be ’different’. You can be a PHD and still be a lousy parent. It’s not hard to see that you practice favoritism throughout your kids upbringing. It has shown in how independent she is vs your son when it comes to their career in college . You can’t deny the fact that whatever she decides to be, you all are reflected in. It’s time for you all to think deep even though it’s late.
Ellinor 10 months ago
So they were okay with their daughter living in a small place shared with many people but thought that their son deserved a big empty apartment to focus on his studies ? How can they not see it !!!
LakotaWolf (she/her) 10 months ago
Found these comments from OP on Reddit: "We are all Catholic with the exception of my daughter." and "My wife, my son and I are all religious and my daughter left the faith when she moved out, which caused a big argument. There were other smaller issues relating to how she identifies, appearance choices, partners, etc. We generally don't bring up these topics because there is no agreement that we can really come to." DING DING DING! Mommy and Daddy are good widdle Catholics and Golden Boy is too, so of course he gets his money! Daughter decided to leave the faith, so Mommy and Daddy say she can rot on Earth before she rots in hell for her choices.
Load More Replies... Vinnie 10 months ago (edited)
I give the black sheep daughter a lot of credit. Some kids act out in self-destructive ways; she chose to go her own way and avoid contact with them. The mother might get to brag "My son is an engineer" but the daughter has fully earned the right to say "I did it without my parents' help."
Vinnie 10 months ago
And also "F*ck 'em, because they don't want me and I don't need them." The father is at least rethinking his role in the mess, but he comes as a package with the judgmental and inflexible wife.
Load More Replies... Surly Scot 10 months ago
They lost themselves a daughter. But from OP's description, seems like the mother wasn't interested in the daughter anyway since she's not a clone of her mother. Father is incapable of not showing favoritism towards son, even blatantly, and needs 3rd parties to point out how much of a douche he is (PHD degrees don't give you brains, it just trains you to be able to do 1 thing). Poor girl, I bet it just hit her how much she doesn't really have, and has never had, an actual family, she was just a 5th wheel to be mildly considered. Hope she went NC and moved on with her life.
Michael MacKinnon 10 months ago
The update closing with the "I tried to call my daughter with no luck...." Umm, no, that was deliberate. The relationship is over. She's unlikely to even come to your funeral.
Broadredpanda 10 months ago
OP, YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY SHOCKING!! And this is what favouring one child over another looks like!!! You didn’t like what she was studying so you made her live the way you thought she deserved, but your son was studying a subject you approved of? NC is what you deserve! And the fact YOUR WIFE doesn’t get on with her speaks volumes about WHO COMES FIRST! You make me sick!!!!
Load More Replies... Joanne Wright 10 months ago
You screwed up big time. Be prepared to lose your daughter forever..
Tabitha 10 months ago (edited)
Dad should just roll his daughter’s half of the education fund into an IRA or other solid long term investment for her future. At least give her some kind of substantial nest egg to try to make up for withholding it when she was in college.
Littlemiss 10 months ago
It won't happen though, mommy dearest won't like it and he's gone along the treatment of the daughter her whole life. They stuffed up royally and don't really care, mommy dearest will magically get to keep the funds for herself now which was probably the whole point in the first place.
Load More Replies... Kate Johnson 10 months ago (edited)
Reading her response, "I don't care", I think she's just done with them and tapping out. Away from their toxic religion and their toxic parenting. She doesn't want their money now, as it wouldn't change anything. They cannot ever fix what they broke and should expect that she will no longer be much interested in their participation in her life. I imagine she'll just pull further away until she's barely visible to them anymore.
rorschach-penguin 10 months ago (edited)
What kind of f*****g moron decides that their kids should go into student debt in undergrad because they might want to go to grad school later on (and they don't have the information to even know that they'd have financial assistance in attending grad school)? Grad school is usually funded anyway!
Tom De Paul 7 months ago
Except for professional schools. Hers would have been funded; his probably not. Do engineers typically get advanced degrees? I know a number get JDs or MBAs, but I mean in engineering.
Load More Replies... Princess Possum 10 months ago
If the funds were set up as actual education accounts, like a 529 in the US, then that money really does belong to her. Students list the 529s as income on their FAFSA forms, not the parents.
Tom De Paul 7 months ago
What rules govern disbursement if there is no educational need?
Load More Replies... Dean Hudson 10 months ago
I would love to see a current update since this is at least 2 years old. I do think the whole deal was done with less thought than most would have. The grandparents set this up for education and the kids should have been told they had it to use upon HS graduation. To stipulate only grad school is wrong and then to give to the son because the parents felt he deserved it more due to his choices is way wrong! the parents ATA in this one for sure showing obvious favoritism . And dad shouldn't have had to ask his daughter if she wanted the money. It's her's and should be given to her as she went to school and struggled with housing without it.
Keri B 10 months ago
Seems like for the daughter now, this isn't even about the money. Her heart was broken when they confirmed bro is the golden child. The faith-drop, identity questions were all efforts to get attention, affirmation, feel loved. She must be one sad, lonely girl. I hope she perseveres, goes NC and instills the adage of "revenge is living your best life."
Tom De Paul 7 months ago
Or she has a loving spouse and a family of choice that cares about her.
Load More Replies... Valerie Brillhart 10 months ago
Daughter should tell her parents to GFT and no contact. When she gets married and has children. Tell them her mom and dad are Dead
Johan Fredrik Segergren 10 months ago
A 529 college savings plan can be rolled over to a Roth IRA tax-free, starting in January 2024.
Patty Biggs 9 months ago
So the son needed a big empty apt close to school so he could study. That's so very important. But the daughter needed to learn how to budget effectively? They didn't approve of her choice of study, so the fact that she had worked hard & gotten some scholarships meant they didn't have to help her at all?Not only is her dad YTA, but her mom is double YTA!! It's obvious, so why ask? If your going to be an AH to your daughter, but pamper your son, then at least stand up & own it!!
Schmebulock 10 months ago
These s****y parents are proof that advanced education does not make you smart. They also sound like insufferable douchebags.
Johan Fredrik Segergren 10 months ago
A 529 college savings plan can be rolled over to a Roth IRA tax-free, starting in January 2024. The daughter should have a great start to her pension saving compared to the son who got the option to spend big. She is the winner asaik especially if she's working a profession she loves but that doesn't pay as well as her brothers
Nina 10 months ago (edited)
My god, what disgraceful parents. Talk about having a tonne of brains and no intelligence. Wife clearly dislikes daughter and husband is too stupid or cowardly to call her on it. Be a good parent for once in your miserable life and give her the lump sum with no strings, then get out of her life.
Fox with a Dragon Tattoo 10 months ago
So if this is real... its amazing how those so called parents cant see why she'd not want contact with them. What a profoundly selfish, garbge, judgemental move on their part.
Tracy Morgan 10 months ago
They also need to look at 529 rules; that money is hers as the beneficiary and ultimately could be rolled into a retirement account (from the little i know about it). How dare these people?!
Isabella 10 months ago
Awful people. Literally like my parents. My sibling lives with them, expense-free, no rent, no nothing, half of the house and land is on his name already. I was thrown away as soon as I was 18, and removed from the will. Why? because I did not agree my bio mother to decide who and when I marry [she wanted me to marry a guy, I said no]
ARMANDO LOPEZ 10 months ago
Rewarded your son who didn’t excelled in his studies, but not your daughter who did excelled. You should determine how much you paid for your son’s apartment and living expenses and give that amount to your daughter from your personal savings. I hope she gets to decide what fleabag nursing home you and wife end up in.
Tom Smith 10 months ago
So with all I have seen as updates, you know the answer, here is the only fix. If your wife continues with her attitude, divorce her regardless of your religious beliefs, nothing will be good there. No matter what you need to buy your daughter a house, period. You set your son up for life now do the same for her so she NEVER has to pay for it in any way outside of taxes but first find out where she wants and what she wants. Even if you think it is outrageous for cost/size/ANYTHING you have little choice as you began this and seek to blame religion, wife and your parents lack of mental ability. You need to stop delegating, or as we common people call it passing the buck, and deal with the fallout you created.
Tom De Paul 7 months ago
I don't know why he needs a divorce. He just needs to grow a spine.
Load More Replies... Knitty Purl 10 months ago
Parental favoritism towards their son, obviously. The daughter is better off without them.
Jessica Geib 10 months ago
Most people assume that they will be paying for grad school on their own, which is what the daughter said she assumed if she ever decided she wanted to go. So, I think it should have been a conversation before starting school. My mom had a money market account set aside for me from when she sold her house before we moved in with my stepdad. When it was time to go to college, I knew I wanted to be a teacher, which would mean that eventually I would probably need to do grad school if I stayed in the field. She told me about the account and we talked to a financial advisor and came up with a plan.
Jessica Geib 10 months ago
Since my mom had the income (separate from the account) she paid for the first 3 years, and let the money continue to grow in the account. Then once I was able to qualify for student loans as an independent (not having to report her income), I was able to get low enough rates that it made more sense to leave the money in the account and take out the loans, then I could decide later if I wanted to use it to pay off my loans, use it for grad school because loan interest rates are way higher on student loans for grad school, or use it for a down payment, or another worthy cause.
Load More Replies... Matty Vjaarsveld 10 months ago (edited)
Sorry YTA. You made it clear that what she chose to study did not meet you expectations. Furthermore she got into a good school with bursaries but had to pay her own way in a small, shared apartment far from school. Little brother studies what you agree with. No bursaries so you pay, rightly so, BUT you also pay for his nice and big apartment plus living expenses. Right there is the problem. She is happy in her chosen field, but you with your PhD and Masters are not. She is different and maybe that is why mom and her have a strained relationship. Give her the full amount you gave to her brother towards rent and expenses and the rest back for your parents care. Tell her you made a mistake because honestly you have. If your wife don't like it, tough! No matter how you try to explain this, you made your son a priority even while he's also not interested in gradschool. Tell them, the rest of the money is going back for the grandparents care. The can pay their own gradschool. That is called life in the real world. Good luck with mending your relationship with your daughter and support her even though she chose a different path for her life.
M G----no 10 months ago
I have never understood how parents could play favorites with their children. They don't deserve to be parents. Had a friend who was an older sister to a brother. Her parents only wanted the brother so once he was born, she basically didn't exist. She did everything to try to get their approval. Burned out in her mid-30's. Haven't heard from her in years because she just took off without letting anyone really know where she was going.
zxj7rfyqqw 10 months ago
POS parents. Well done for causing your daughter unnecessary harm and stress. Whether you agree with her ‘lifestyle’ or not that ISNT your money, it’s hers for her education from her grandparents and you stole that from her by not letting her have it… FOR HER EDUCATION. *slow clap*
Jeff White 10 months ago
If at all possible, I would love an update on this article. I don't think there is any way this relationship can be mended but would love to be proven wrong. Or not. This is the most believable worst case example of parents valuing their control over a child over loving the child. I'm sure the parents disagree but there would have to be some world class delusion for that to work.
meeeeeeeeeeee 10 months ago
What snobs. Oh, I have a master's, oh, look at my PhD. They clearly don't see the daughter's subject as a real education, so they decide to punish her. And, the ma seems even worse than the da. Poor kid.
Lunawood 10 months ago
I have a Masters degree and kids that are yet to decide their future education/work field. A higher education is not a free ticket to happiness nor necessarily succes. I know people who lives unhappy lifes despite having Master’s and Phd’s - and I know people that enjoy and are very successful (also financially) in a non-academic work field. I even know people who re-educated later in life to happily work in a complete different work field. Sure, every parent want their children to grow up to make a living, be independent, successful, not get into any dodgy jobs and all that stuff. And I would like to see them get some kind of education. But I would always, and before anything want my kids to live happy lives - and I will support them whether they choose an academic or non-academic road. When it is about parents personal wishes and preferences and not the child’s, it is a selfish and not a supportive act. No wonder the daughter recents her parents behaviour. These parents (especially the mother) seem to have personal (and societal status) issues to work on.
Spittnimage 10 months ago
What is it with parents babying their sons and making daughters work for everything they get?
Ethan Boatner 9 months ago
And what if you’d had two sons, one of whom was interested in the arts and film? Let him live in squalor and struggle and give money to the other who didn’t get scholarships? Or is this more because one is female? They neither went to grad school. It’s difficult to find any other factor than gender. No wonder she doesn’t want to talk to you.
Pamela Blue 9 months ago
I have always stated that having a university degree doesn't mean you are smart. I have met some extremely wise and self-educated people who didn't finish h**h school, and I know rather a few too many "scholars" who are as thick as two short planks. These two parents belong to the latter group.
Tom De Paul 7 months ago (edited)
You sound so business savvy, but in truth your dumber than sh*t. Let me ask one question that will elucidate my meaning. As between your son and daughter, which will you most likely look to to care for you and your wife in your advanced years? Yeah. See. Pretty stupid. I'd write a big check if I were you. But again, you dont seem that smart.
Ariel 8 months ago
From OP on Reddit "We are all Catholic with the exception of my daughter." and "My wife, my son and I are all religious and my daughter left the faith when she moved out, which caused a big argument. There were other smaller issues relating to how she identifies, appearance choices, partners, etc. We generally don't bring up these topics because there is no agreement that we can really come to." After reading how she was mistreated in this one situation in the history of the family, I wonder why she has chosen to be ’different’. You can be a PHD and still be a lousy parent. It’s not hard to see that you practice favoritism throughout your kids upbringing. It has shown in how independent she is vs your son when it comes to their career in college . You can’t deny the fact that whatever she decides to be, you all are reflected in. It’s time for you all to think deep even though it’s late.
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