Teen Doesn’t Mind Spending Time With 7YO Brother On A Cruise, Mom’s Livid Dad Rewarded Her For It
Favoritism is one of those things that we know we shouldn’t practice, yet we often find ourselves falling prey to all because we’re human. But it goes double for parents.
It’s no problem with one kid, but when you have multiple, it’s hard not to pick a favorite. It’s a big no-no, but it’s something that often is forced upon us by our own minds.
But, sometimes—sometimes—it’s not the case, but someone finds a reason to call favoritism. And then you write an AITA post about it. And now we’re here.
More Info: Reddit
Vacationing on a cruise is a nice idea, even if you have kids as the ship alone could keep them busy with engaging exploration and activities
Image credits: Samson Bush (not the actual photo)
But when your daughter takes initiative for engaging a sibling on top of it, and you reward her, that should be a good thing, right?
Image credits: InitialCombination12
The wife begged to differ, as she felt like it was unfair, a certain kind of favoritism on the dad’s part, causing a conflict between them
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
A dad of 4 by the Reddit nickname of u/InitialCombination12 recently touched on the topic of favoritism from personal experience.
The family of 6—the dad, the mom, and 4 kids ages 20, 16, 13 and 7—took a kid-friendly cruise as part of their vacation. The eldest was doing his own thing most of the time, with the second oldest kinda being on the same regime.
I say kinda because while both were choosing activities on their own, the teen was more often than not also including the youngest because he did not want to partake in his prescribed activities. The only condition realistically was that they’d be available if need be and they’d spend mealtimes with the family.
But what ended up happening is the 16-year-old daughter would often hear the 7-year old saying he’d rather do whatever she said she was doing than whatever was in store for him. And she’d be an amazing sport and would invite him to join her on some of her activities. While some would consider that babysitting, she was free to not take him anywhere, but the kid’s amazing for her love for her siblings.
So, in light of this, the dad decided to treat her to anything from the gift shop. This ended up being an $80 dress. However, mom saw this whole situation as favoritism. Why did the daughter get a dress, but none of the other kids got something too?
Well, they got a cruise that costs thousands of dollars. And they didn’t bother to show the same amount of involvement and care, let alone unasked, as the 16-year-old did. Makes sense? The Mrs. wasn’t buying it. So much, in fact, that it turned into a bit of a row.
Image credits: Meruyert Gonullu (not the actual photo)
But you know who’s good at judging this sort of thing? The Am I The A-Hole? community on Reddit. Across the board, folks declared him not the bungball, essentially explaining that this was the wife channeling something on the kids’ behalf and not the kids calling out the favoritism.
Did the kids even notice the dress, let alone know how much it cost? According to OP, likely not really. As another comment stated, it’s very probable they didn’t even care even if they did notice. OP also added that the wife might be reflecting it because she might not get how boys (or men) work.
Others took the opportunity to praise the daughter, saying she deserved the reward and there’s nothing wrong with that. The top commenter actually elaborated that the wife mayhaps doesn’t get that her daughter isn’t a default babysitter and that this is an extra mile, not a given. One that should be rewarded.
It goes without saying that if the wife wants to acknowledge the other kids, it should be done with their responsibilities included too.
Image credits: RF._.studio (not the actual photo)
There’s actually quite an interesting read by the National Museum of American History as to what babysitting means to girls, with the tagline it’s complicated.
The article deals with examining the various reactions girls had to their memories of babysitting. It drew a number of conclusions as to what it ultimately meant to them given the broader context.
In some examples, babysitting turned out to be a kind of rite of passage. Having started to babysit at 10 to 11 years of age, a number of girls thought of it as an educational experience, one that taught them everything from the value of money to responsibility, and helped them appreciate the experience and the relationships they’ve developed over that time.
Others expressed the lack of respect and gratitude that comes with being a default caretaker in a family that relies on one of the kids—typically a daughter—to care for her siblings for the benefit of the family. It was a necessary evil of sorts.
In addition to the negatives, some see it as having their childhood being taken away (remember us talking about parentifying kids some weeks ago?), but it’s kinda sorta veiled as a way for kids to chip in in the family. Everyone gets to play. Except it’s all work and no play.
There’s more, and the article provides deep, first-hand examples, so be sure to check that out. But before that, also check out the comment section and mayhaps leave some of your commentary there? Please?
Redditors didn’t see a problem, though, saying the wife is in the wrong and that the dad should be proud of his daughter
Buy dresses for the other kids too, all the same size as the daughter. Problem solved.
Daughter did a good thing which dad acknowledged. I honestly can't see the issue for her mother? She's literally telling dad to not acknowledge what their daughter did and there should be no reward because she's the girl. Mum's def TA!
Mom is one of those parents that thinks she's entitled to having a daughter watch the other children anytime that she wishes there's no other reason that she wouldn't think the daughter wouldn't deserve compensated.
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I applaud the dad for not assuming his daughter should "naturally" take on the role of care giver just because she's "the girl." I wish I'd had a dad like that.
Daughter watched little brother and got paid for it. What is the problem here?
What isn’t even in anyone’s thoughts here is that, had any of the older boys gladly taken their little brother along with them at any time, just like their sister did, Dad would’ve rewarded them too. But the sister was the only one who voluntarily looked after her little brother, so was the only who deserved a reward for doing everyone else the favor. Rewarding everyone, including those who didn’t lift a finger to help, only dilutes the reward to the point that it becomes meaningless. Dad did a good thing here. Mom needs to get her head on straight.
Mother's thingking she can't pull favorites: "what would my kids think of me later" kind of mentality. NTA, well done, and probably the best way to reward her. To bad about momsy.
A little reward can go a long way to preventing resentment down the line for the person who "naturally" falls into those kinds of tasks
I think you should mention to your wife that a 16 year old girl has different interests to a 7 and 13 Yr old boys I've taken my niece and nephews shopping and at times I was the best ever for buying Minecraft keyring while another wanted the t-shirt and another wanted a plush teddy. All different prices, same worth to them. Well done for raising kids you can be proud of. And even though your wife didn't agree, she hid that from your daughter, maybe next time tell her your plan beforehand so she can be involved rewarding your children or just not surprised by it and unaware of the thought process that helped you make the decision.
Mom is way too concerned about the other children's feelings. What OP did is totally appropriate. Kids should get rewarded for good behavior. If it was switched around and the 7yo spent the week tagging along with his 20yo brother, I suspect OP would have rewarded the 20yo boy instead of the 16yo girl. If one kid goes above and beyond, they get a reward. If the other kids don't like it, they can change their behavior or attitude next time.
You'd think that someone going "above and beyond" and getting a reward would be a good, and normal, thing. But no, people who don't go above and beyond see it happening and say "why didn't I get something" and somehow "because you didn't earn it" isn't an acceptable answer. This kind of stuff poisons our culture and makes folks think that every should always get the same treatment/rewards no matter the effort the put in. :/ Good on OP for standing out, and rewarding a standout.
I would say though, it's important to teach the 7 year old that the sister needs her own time. The sister is feeling obligated and is being nice, it is up to the parents to say "your sister is going to go X on her own and you will be at kids club today"
At the moment I am having a difficult time teaching my 6yo the difference between treating everybody fair and treating everybody the same. This would be a perfect example, as it can never be fair if everybody gets the same though everybody is different in their needs.
My concern is with the seeming illiterate world populace. The OP's first response was about how people thought Daughter was being used as a babysitter when absolutely zero of what was written hinted at such. I'm super dyslexic and can comprehend this basic story....🤦🏾♀️
I'm just going to go there! Want to bet the wife was jealous that her daughter in the dress outshined her by 10X at dinner. Mother-daughter jealousy is not uncommon. She raged at her husband because he bought the dress.
I've been in the daughters shoes and it feels good to be rewarded for doing those things rather than have it feel like your job. Mom seems to think the daughter should just be a stand-in parent since she's a girl. The dad was totally NTA here
You did a good thing, she looked after the kid while the others didn't, she did deserved an award.
Your wife is YTA. Your daughter is a very sweet big sister. Reminds me of the relationship I have with my baby brother.
The mom clearly has an issue with the daughter. I'd recommend the dad keep an eye on that. A close one. If the mom resents the daughter for some reason, she may attempt to retaliate or already be treating her poorly. Possibly in secret. I grew up with a parent who was careful to keep the abuse out of sight from the other parent. But this is exactly the kind of arguments I overheard them having about me. In the end, for me, the abusive parent won. OP should be on guard with all his kids, and carefully investigate if this is a weird one off, or if something else is going on under the surface.
Err... Am i the only one who can see that mum is jealous of dad buying a pretty dress for daughter? I'm pretty sure this is mum whining that she doesn't get any appreciation. It's nothing to do with equality with the kids.
NTA, NTA, NTA! Good on ya for all of it! That being said something else is bothering your wife. Try to see if she can become aware of what it really is and enlighten you. Is it possible that taking her to the store and buying her a literal or figurative dress could go a long way.
The wife that didn't even have to watch her own children, because her daughter was so her and her husband could do a bunch of couple things together? That wife?
Load More Replies... Buy dresses for the other kids too, all the same size as the daughter. Problem solved.
Daughter did a good thing which dad acknowledged. I honestly can't see the issue for her mother? She's literally telling dad to not acknowledge what their daughter did and there should be no reward because she's the girl. Mum's def TA!
Mom is one of those parents that thinks she's entitled to having a daughter watch the other children anytime that she wishes there's no other reason that she wouldn't think the daughter wouldn't deserve compensated.
Load More Replies... I applaud the dad for not assuming his daughter should "naturally" take on the role of care giver just because she's "the girl." I wish I'd had a dad like that.
Daughter watched little brother and got paid for it. What is the problem here?
What isn’t even in anyone’s thoughts here is that, had any of the older boys gladly taken their little brother along with them at any time, just like their sister did, Dad would’ve rewarded them too. But the sister was the only one who voluntarily looked after her little brother, so was the only who deserved a reward for doing everyone else the favor. Rewarding everyone, including those who didn’t lift a finger to help, only dilutes the reward to the point that it becomes meaningless. Dad did a good thing here. Mom needs to get her head on straight.
Mother's thingking she can't pull favorites: "what would my kids think of me later" kind of mentality. NTA, well done, and probably the best way to reward her. To bad about momsy.
A little reward can go a long way to preventing resentment down the line for the person who "naturally" falls into those kinds of tasks
I think you should mention to your wife that a 16 year old girl has different interests to a 7 and 13 Yr old boys I've taken my niece and nephews shopping and at times I was the best ever for buying Minecraft keyring while another wanted the t-shirt and another wanted a plush teddy. All different prices, same worth to them. Well done for raising kids you can be proud of. And even though your wife didn't agree, she hid that from your daughter, maybe next time tell her your plan beforehand so she can be involved rewarding your children or just not surprised by it and unaware of the thought process that helped you make the decision.
Mom is way too concerned about the other children's feelings. What OP did is totally appropriate. Kids should get rewarded for good behavior. If it was switched around and the 7yo spent the week tagging along with his 20yo brother, I suspect OP would have rewarded the 20yo boy instead of the 16yo girl. If one kid goes above and beyond, they get a reward. If the other kids don't like it, they can change their behavior or attitude next time.
You'd think that someone going "above and beyond" and getting a reward would be a good, and normal, thing. But no, people who don't go above and beyond see it happening and say "why didn't I get something" and somehow "because you didn't earn it" isn't an acceptable answer. This kind of stuff poisons our culture and makes folks think that every should always get the same treatment/rewards no matter the effort the put in. :/ Good on OP for standing out, and rewarding a standout.
I would say though, it's important to teach the 7 year old that the sister needs her own time. The sister is feeling obligated and is being nice, it is up to the parents to say "your sister is going to go X on her own and you will be at kids club today"
At the moment I am having a difficult time teaching my 6yo the difference between treating everybody fair and treating everybody the same. This would be a perfect example, as it can never be fair if everybody gets the same though everybody is different in their needs.
My concern is with the seeming illiterate world populace. The OP's first response was about how people thought Daughter was being used as a babysitter when absolutely zero of what was written hinted at such. I'm super dyslexic and can comprehend this basic story....🤦🏾♀️
I'm just going to go there! Want to bet the wife was jealous that her daughter in the dress outshined her by 10X at dinner. Mother-daughter jealousy is not uncommon. She raged at her husband because he bought the dress.
I've been in the daughters shoes and it feels good to be rewarded for doing those things rather than have it feel like your job. Mom seems to think the daughter should just be a stand-in parent since she's a girl. The dad was totally NTA here
You did a good thing, she looked after the kid while the others didn't, she did deserved an award.
Your wife is YTA. Your daughter is a very sweet big sister. Reminds me of the relationship I have with my baby brother.
The mom clearly has an issue with the daughter. I'd recommend the dad keep an eye on that. A close one. If the mom resents the daughter for some reason, she may attempt to retaliate or already be treating her poorly. Possibly in secret. I grew up with a parent who was careful to keep the abuse out of sight from the other parent. But this is exactly the kind of arguments I overheard them having about me. In the end, for me, the abusive parent won. OP should be on guard with all his kids, and carefully investigate if this is a weird one off, or if something else is going on under the surface.
Err... Am i the only one who can see that mum is jealous of dad buying a pretty dress for daughter? I'm pretty sure this is mum whining that she doesn't get any appreciation. It's nothing to do with equality with the kids.
NTA, NTA, NTA! Good on ya for all of it! That being said something else is bothering your wife. Try to see if she can become aware of what it really is and enlighten you. Is it possible that taking her to the store and buying her a literal or figurative dress could go a long way.
The wife that didn't even have to watch her own children, because her daughter was so her and her husband could do a bunch of couple things together? That wife?
Load More Replies...
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