Husband Is Conflicted Over Who Is Right After Wife Tells Him That There Is No Way He’ll Be In The Room When Their Child Is Born
Even though child bearing is the burden of a woman, most dads are also excited about the baby on the way and they want to be there for them every step of the way even before they are born. But some women are more comfortable dealing with certain parts without them, such as giving birth.
This dad on Reddit was pretty sad his wife didn’t want him in the delivery room and although he agreed, he couldn’t hide the disappointment, which annoyed his wife and made him think his feelings were wrong.
More info: Reddit
Moms don’t always want dads to be with them in the delivery room and it could make dads sad, but this one wasn’t allowed to be
Image credits: Pretty Poo Eater (not the actual photo)
The pregnant wife actually was pretty mad that it mattered so much to her husband and told him to be a man and get over it
Image credits: esporter113 (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Dear_Fox_5010
The man was trying to come to terms with not seeing his son being born and just wants to cry, but is afraid to show any emotion in front of his wife
The Original Poster (OP) and his wife are expecting a son and the delivery date is due in a month. The couple is very excited because they have always wanted kids and the man’s dad would always speak about having his own kids with so much joy.
Although the pregnancy was not easy for the woman and worrisome for the man, the OP is very happy about it because in the past his wife has experienced a few miscarriages, which must have been devastating.
Being so excited about it, the dad wanted to be in the room during labor, but his wife was very adamant that she doesn’t want him and her mom will keep her company instead. No matter how hard the OP tried to allow him to stay too, he failed to convince her. He tried, but it didn’t work out, so he accepted it and just hoped that everything would go smoothly.
That doesn’t mean he is not still sad about it. And even if he doesn’t try to annoy his wife on purpose, he can’t help how his heart feels, which makes the woman mad. She actually said that he is acting weak and that she doesn’t want her son to have such an example of a man, as well as telling him to just get over it and be a man.
This part of the story made people in the comments quite mad, because while they agreed that it’s the woman’s choice who can stay with her in the delivery room, she can’t be so condescending and cruel to her husband.
They called out the woman for perpetuating toxic masculinity and not allowing her husband to cry when he feels sad because he won’t see the first moments of his child’s life. They were also worried about what environment the boy will grow up in.
Image credits: Rya Pie (not the actual photo)
It seems that the man respects her wife’s wish to be in the delivery room without him and his problem is her condescending behavior, but maybe there are people who feel like it is unfair to exclude the dad from the birth process to begin with as the child is his as well.
However, it is solely the woman’s choice who will be her companion and support person during labor. The support person is so important that the World Health Organisation allowed pregnant people to have one even during the COVID-19 pandemic. What is more, even if the person giving birth had confirmed COVID-19, they still recommended allowing support companions in the delivery room.
That is because research shows how beneficial the support person is and knowing how painful, stressful and emotional giving birth is, you want to make sure that the person in labor is as comfortable as possible for their own and the baby’s sake.
The benefits WHO lists are both practical and emotional, “They can bridge communication gaps between a woman in labor and the healthcare workers around her, offer massage or hand-holding to help relieve pain, and provide reassurance to help her feel in control. As an advocate, a labor companion can witness and safeguard against mistreatment or neglect.”
Not only that, but research shows that having a companion may shorten the time of being in labor, they are less likely to have a C-section or use any medication and babies show more positive indications when checked 5 minutes after birth.
So the pregnant person should take time to consider who is the person who will cause them the least stress and will allow them to focus on giving birth and not think of anything else. There are probably valid reasons why OP’s wife wants her mom to be in the room, but her reaction to her husband’s hurt feelings were quite harsh.
Do you think the OP was being insensitive towards his wife and that provoked her cruel words? Do you think her reaction can be explained by giving into the effect of hormones? Or was she just unnecessarily mean? Let us know what your impression is in the comments.
People in the comments agreed that the mom has the final say who comes into the delivery room but her reaction to her husband’s sadness was uncalled for
I'd be interested too. If she did indeed say what he claims she said, then I'd tell him that he is in for a really awful parenting experience. She will not respect him as a father to her children, and he will always be viewed as an interloper. HOWEVER, something about his tone makes me think there's something else going on here. He is really playing up the extreme positions here, and I wonder if some of this isn't BS. I can't really put my finger on it, tbh. But something is off for me. On a side note, as to the question of whether she has a right to deny him access to the delivery room, I just leave people with this small consideration. She will be in extreme pain, her life and the life of her child are at risk, and she will be naked. These are all things that lead people to feeling extremely vulnerable. I would hope that in this situation, your partner is the one you look to for support, but perhaps there are circumstances OP is not filling us in on. Ultimately, she should choose
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OPs spouse should not be belittling him. That said, it is her choice who she wants in the room with her.
Why do people always say that it’s the woman’s choice because she is the one giving birth ? The baby is 50% his. If they weren’t a couple I might perhaps think differently but telling her husband that he can’t see his own child being born but her mother can just seems mean. Is her mother going to be there when their child is crying in the middle of the night for a feed or nappy change? Is she going to pay for food, clothing, heating? No. He will be expected to do half of the child rearing, not her mother.
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If OP's wife really made that comment, I'm concerned about her passing on to her son the idea of toxic masculinity as a life goal. Something else is going on here, though. I feel like she has a specific reason why she doesn't want him in the room. They need to learn to communicate better if they're going to raise children.
What are the chances that this is his perspective and hers may be completely different - how often has he been 'begging (demanding?)" - and perhaps her 'man up' was simply a 'accept it"?
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I'd be interested too. If she did indeed say what he claims she said, then I'd tell him that he is in for a really awful parenting experience. She will not respect him as a father to her children, and he will always be viewed as an interloper. HOWEVER, something about his tone makes me think there's something else going on here. He is really playing up the extreme positions here, and I wonder if some of this isn't BS. I can't really put my finger on it, tbh. But something is off for me. On a side note, as to the question of whether she has a right to deny him access to the delivery room, I just leave people with this small consideration. She will be in extreme pain, her life and the life of her child are at risk, and she will be naked. These are all things that lead people to feeling extremely vulnerable. I would hope that in this situation, your partner is the one you look to for support, but perhaps there are circumstances OP is not filling us in on. Ultimately, she should choose
Load More Replies... OPs spouse should not be belittling him. That said, it is her choice who she wants in the room with her.
Why do people always say that it’s the woman’s choice because she is the one giving birth ? The baby is 50% his. If they weren’t a couple I might perhaps think differently but telling her husband that he can’t see his own child being born but her mother can just seems mean. Is her mother going to be there when their child is crying in the middle of the night for a feed or nappy change? Is she going to pay for food, clothing, heating? No. He will be expected to do half of the child rearing, not her mother.
Load More Replies... If OP's wife really made that comment, I'm concerned about her passing on to her son the idea of toxic masculinity as a life goal. Something else is going on here, though. I feel like she has a specific reason why she doesn't want him in the room. They need to learn to communicate better if they're going to raise children.
What are the chances that this is his perspective and hers may be completely different - how often has he been 'begging (demanding?)" - and perhaps her 'man up' was simply a 'accept it"?
Load More Replies...
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