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Dad Boycotts Sister’s Family Gatherings After Her New Rule: “Clearly Aimed At Me”
Family gatherings can be loud, chaotic, and a challenge to get through. When there are kids involved, some people feel it can be even harder. In 2024, 38% of Brits said they found it hard to hear conversations around the table because of children being noisy.
One woman’s solution to that problem was to ask her family members not to bring their kids to events. However, her brother disagreed, taking it as an insult to himself and his children. Interestingly, after he shared his story online, people’s opinions were split. Some noted that maybe his kids really are that disruptive, while others doubted whether he told the whole truth.
RELATED:
A dad was told “no kids” at family gatherings by his sister
Image credits: Vlada Karpovich / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Although she tried to be polite about it, he still got offended, wondering how he should break the news to his 6-year-old
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Polina Zimmerman / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: partenzedepartures
Image credits: Ivan S / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Being at family gatherings helps children improve their social skills and benefits their emotional development
Family events without children might be becoming the norm. That’s especially true for weddings. A whopping 79.5% of weddings in 2024 were planned to be child-free, according to this New York Times article.
Sure, kids at a party or an event can be a handful. They’re not exactly synonymous with order: they shout, break things, and say inappropriate things at the wrong time. However, banning children from attending family gatherings may seem like a good idea to the adults at the moment. In the long run, however, it’s not very beneficial.
Research shows that when children don’t attend family functions, it can lead to them exhibiting more problematic behavior. One study found that children who attended 20 family events a year (including vacations and celebrations) were three times less likely to act in problematic ways and were more prosocial. Those who attended only 10 such events were more likely to have behavioral problems.
Family gatherings are where children learn about social norms, understand how to adapt, and develop prosocial skills. According to another 2019 study, annual events contribute to children’s enhanced social adjustment and even emotional well-being.
“We found that children who came from families with numerous experiences of annual events were more likely to have higher prosocial behavior and were less likely to have externalizing or internalizing problems,” the authors of the study write.
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Children are getting banned from more and more public spaces, defining society’s views toward children
Lately, it seems, children are unwelcome in most places. While the commenters under this story were right to say that the world doesn’t revolve around one parent’s child, our society’s increasing general dislike of children is something to be discussed.
In fact, it’s becoming quite common for children to be banned from social spaces. In France, for example, many hotels and resorts have adopted a child-free policy. It’s estimated that child-free establishments make up around 3-5% of the tourism sector. The French government is set to take action, saying that such rules are “organising society around people’s intolerance of others” and “institutionalise and legitimise intolerance.”
In South Korea, some cafes and other urban spaces have adopted “no-kids” zones, effectively banning all children, not just unruly ones. Experts argue that such policies “intensify unwelcoming sentiments toward children and parents.” Mothers are especially affected, as they report feeling unwelcome more often than fathers.
Research shows that children are increasingly disappearing from public spaces. Whether because their parents deem them unsafe or because they just couldn’t be bothered, many children spend most of their time at home and in front of the screen.
“Children are only fully accepted if they remain discreet, docile, and almost invisible,” Sylvain Wagnon, Professor of Education Sciences at the University of Montpellier, writes, “which severely limits their freedom of expression and existence in public spaces.”
Of course, a person is allowed to decide whether or not their unruly nephew and niece are allowed to visit their home. Yet, there is something to be said about the outdated expectation that children should be seen and not heard.
Commenters thought the dad probably neglected to mention some things: “There are missing reasons here”
Others were diplomatic, thinking both sides were right
One person sided with the dad, but still advised the dad to consider the situation objectively
“The world does not revolve around you and not all events are made for children,” was the loudest sentiment in the comments
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What do you think ?
Lee Gilliland 1 month ago (edited)
My guess is these kids aren't properly parentented, these "requests" don't come from vacuum.
Tabitha 1 month ago (edited)
Even if they’re the best behaved kids in the world, sometimes grow up want to do grow up things like have a drink, or have grownup conversations that little ears shouldn’t overhear, or stay out way later than the kids’ bedtimes. I would think that the parents of two little children would jump at the chance to spend an evening with other adults and take a breather from constant interruptions or just policing their own words and actions that you have to do with children present. Old school parents used to do this all the time. They hired babysitters so they could go out with other couples and have a good time, or go to a work event where they’d be around the boss—-or even host dinner with the boss, where they’d kids might be trotted out right before bedtime (and BETTER be in their best behavior in front of the boss and their spouse, or else!), then trotted right back upstairs where a babysitter has been hired to make sure they don’t sneak out of their rooms and interrupt the adults downstairs. My parents did all those exact things, back in the fifties and sixties when my brothers and I were growing up. It was important to them to have a night off from the kids once in a while, just to spend time with other grownups, whether out dancing or having dinner out or at a friend’s or coworker’s—-or the boss’—-house, as well as going to work functions or hosting the boss for dinner, to further my father’s career (my mother was a SAHM, like most mothers back then), to help increase the family income so we’d live more comfortably. My mother NEVER felt slighted or got pissed off if us kids weren’t invited, because aside from being a SAHM, her motherhood wasn’t the ONLY thing that defined her, and she knew that we weren’t the center of everyone’s universe, so she never pitched a fit about anyone who invited her or her and my father out telling her she couldn’t bring the kids along. That was 60-70 years ago, before the women’s movement did so much to further women’s rights, so I just don’t understand women in the 21st century solely focusing on themselves as mothers and ignoring all the other things they are. That just feels like a huge step backwards and a huge slap in the face of all the women who came before them and fought against being pigeonholed into being defined in that role and no other. Yes, you can choose your focus in life, but FFS, do not expect others to do the same, or make exceptions for you because of it.
Load More Replies...
Paul C 1 month ago
The fact that everyone backs up the "no kids" rule strongly suggests that the children are not being parented but allowed to run wild. As one of the commenters said "not child proof" is code for "your children are wild". If everyone disagreed, then I would say that the sister is an AH.
Lee Gilliland 1 month ago (edited)
My guess is these kids aren't properly parentented, these "requests" don't come from vacuum.
Tabitha 1 month ago (edited)
Even if they’re the best behaved kids in the world, sometimes grow up want to do grow up things like have a drink, or have grownup conversations that little ears shouldn’t overhear, or stay out way later than the kids’ bedtimes. I would think that the parents of two little children would jump at the chance to spend an evening with other adults and take a breather from constant interruptions or just policing their own words and actions that you have to do with children present. Old school parents used to do this all the time. They hired babysitters so they could go out with other couples and have a good time, or go to a work event where they’d be around the boss—-or even host dinner with the boss, where they’d kids might be trotted out right before bedtime (and BETTER be in their best behavior in front of the boss and their spouse, or else!), then trotted right back upstairs where a babysitter has been hired to make sure they don’t sneak out of their rooms and interrupt the adults downstairs. My parents did all those exact things, back in the fifties and sixties when my brothers and I were growing up. It was important to them to have a night off from the kids once in a while, just to spend time with other grownups, whether out dancing or having dinner out or at a friend’s or coworker’s—-or the boss’—-house, as well as going to work functions or hosting the boss for dinner, to further my father’s career (my mother was a SAHM, like most mothers back then), to help increase the family income so we’d live more comfortably. My mother NEVER felt slighted or got pissed off if us kids weren’t invited, because aside from being a SAHM, her motherhood wasn’t the ONLY thing that defined her, and she knew that we weren’t the center of everyone’s universe, so she never pitched a fit about anyone who invited her or her and my father out telling her she couldn’t bring the kids along. That was 60-70 years ago, before the women’s movement did so much to further women’s rights, so I just don’t understand women in the 21st century solely focusing on themselves as mothers and ignoring all the other things they are. That just feels like a huge step backwards and a huge slap in the face of all the women who came before them and fought against being pigeonholed into being defined in that role and no other. Yes, you can choose your focus in life, but FFS, do not expect others to do the same, or make exceptions for you because of it.
Load More Replies... Paul C 1 month ago
The fact that everyone backs up the "no kids" rule strongly suggests that the children are not being parented but allowed to run wild. As one of the commenters said "not child proof" is code for "your children are wild". If everyone disagreed, then I would say that the sister is an AH.
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