Coworkers Officially Declare Their Relationship After Being ‘Caught’, Ms. HR Makes Their Life In The Office Really Challenging
Getting into a relationship with your classmate, coursemate or coworker is not something people wish for. There’s that icky, gooey fear of things getting awkward for everybody in case things don’t work out the way you expected. But it happens. And apparently more often than one would expect: 58% of employees have engaged in a romantic relationship with a colleague, recent studies show.
Another fun fact: almost half (41%) of employees don’t know their company’s policy regarding office romances. And if they did, based on u/lvndrlight‘s story alone — the previous number would be much lower.
As this couple in their mid-20s tells it in their story, they weren’t expecting to fall for their colleague (or each other). Of course, it happened anyway. And everything was going rather smoothly before management found out about their romantic relationship. Oh boy, how things changed from there on out… Dirty looks from the management, indirect ridiculing, gatekeeping from advancement in the company — those are just some of the things this couple had to endure. Things that would surely put off any person in their right mind from a romantic relationship with their colleague.
A couple of office workers were enjoying their relationship before management accidentally snooped in
Image credits: Paperkites / istockphoto (not the actual photo)
And this is a classic tale of HR messing with people’s happiness
Inspired by the response from the internet, the couple started fighting the injustice at work
Image credits: lvndrlight
People don’t like when work gets in the way of love, as responses to the story show
As far as work romances go, not every profession is as cruel on ‘lovebirds’ as it might first seem. As u/ScipioAtTheGate points out in the comments, “even the navy allows relationships between service people so long as one isn’t supervising the other.” And even if the workplace tries to prohibit such things from ever happening — as perfectly captured in this story — Bryson Kearl, a HR content creator at BambooHR, a company that focuses on job-related data, thinks that “workplace romances will happen regardless of the rules.” Best part? Couples who meet through work are more likely to marry. Readers, perhaps your Romeo/Juliet is only a cubicle away!
A lot of people had their own office romance stories to share
The downside of work romances and locking eyes over the water cooler are quite obvious: disputes can make working together difficult. What if you’re fighting for the same promotion? What if you also live together? Yikes. Considering that one in six workplace relationships involves an affair, chances of that sweet romance turning sour like a lemon are rather high, all things considered.
“One important tip to handle an office romance is to ensure that you keep an eye on your professional goals that you had before you got into the relationship,” is the key advice that Hello Love blog suggests. And it’s true. We all know how easy it is to get blinded by Cupid, right? What a shame it would be to lose everything that you’ve been working towards for an office fling that seemed so promising (at first). As Rachel Bitte, the Chief People Officer at Jobvite, a recruiting company, writes: “If neither of you are willing to budge for the other person, it may be a sign that the relationship isn’t as important as you thought.” Touché.
I could've sworn relationships only needed to be declared in cases where nepotism would cause issue. They work in different departments and neither one is in a leadership role that could advance the other. I've seen plenty of work relationships and HR didn't care because it didn't consist of a supervisor and an immediate subordinate. HR only cared if they were unprofessional. Your office is just nosey.
It's funny how aßkissing and subsequent favouritism is all accepted without disclosure, right? It would be fair if all our superiors declared in writing who their personal favourites are so those brown-nosers wouldn't be advanced at work before the ones that have the expertise and professional work ethic.
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Welcome to the U.S. of Dumbfuckistan. In Europe, nobody cares as long as two people who are dating and work in the same company, behave professionaly. Full stop. End of f*****g story. I have coworkers who are dating and are married working in the same department. Nobody cares. They are professionals who keep their relationships private. You know, behaving like f*****g adults.
Not sure it's always acceptable in Europe either. I've done jobs where you had to declare it, along with partners and family who work for clients or competitors, as it's a potential conflict of interest and confidentiality breach risk.
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There are some good reasons for people not being in relationships when they work together. Most of that has to do with one having authority over another, or being in the kind of job where a relationship could adversely affect your performance. This does not apply to people who just happen to work for the same company, but are in different departments. Sounds like they both need a new job.
I met my (now) husband at work. We don't work there anymore. When they found out (he had one coworker on his FB who told the boss) our boss said they had a policy against romantic relationships at work. My then boyfriend said he'd love to see it. Boss said she would bring it "next time for all employees to see". We searched their intranet where all policy's are. Nothing. She never brought any policy back "next time" she just fired him because he broke the "policy". They let me stay on because I had a different position and higher education but I quit a few months later. I would have been fine with it IF there was a policy but it wasn't. And that made me question who I was working for.
When I was in this situation only one of us got a year-end bonus because "we could share it"
God, my wife and I have worked together many times, even reporting to the same manager at one point. They didn't care as long as our personal issues never interfered with our work (and they never did). S**t, the current company I work for has several married couples and they don't bat an eye, because they're all professionals who can separate business from personal lives. All of those acts by the HR manager point to bigger problems under the hood. Y'all need to find work elsewhere.
Can confirm. Met my husband at work. Married now for 17 years with 3 kids. Screw any company that tries to interfere, as long as both are acting appropriately while in the workplace.
I got accused of secretly dating my manager when I worked at a cafe. Except, it wasn't even being accused, I was being gossiped about by my other manager and the bosses who would joke about various places we might be having sex in the building. I confronted the other manager one day, who was the source of most of the gossip, as to why she thinks I was dating him when both of us had partners and all four of us were good friends. She said it was because 'I frequently press my breasts out towards him' (I get backache if standing too long, so I was actually just stretching my back) and I laugh at his jokes... Hated that place.
Usually no one cares about such things here unless it does get in the way, but there are avenues to adress that IF needed. Having said that, I met my wife through work. There were several couples so not a worry and we kept the relationship out of work. She did have a whacka-doodle supervisor however who threatened to file a grievence when we got engaged because she had not approved it. We both left shortly afterwards.
In my profession, relationships have to be declared as well. Because we work with Tax, we are obligated to follow government mandates and regulations. One issue is that we have Tax and Audit teams...two different departments. If someone from Audit started dating someone in tax, it could cause a problem if they are both working on the same company. We even have to report if our SO's outside the company are involved with companies or clients that we handle. It saves conflict and lawsuits from happening. But in this poster's case, her company needs to get their nose out of joint and mind their own business.
I'm very confused as to what business anyone's relationship is to the company and why they would be entitled to know.
Just pretend to have broken up. This ks one of the dumbest things of millenial work places. Dating among coworkers js supposed to be an unwritten rule among people with too much power and their subservient employees. The workforce doesn't truly want to punish sexual harassment and discrimination at work so they do this instead. Not that long ago, before online dating, work is where most people made their friendships and relationships
I've worked in both the US and Europe (for the same company!) and the attitude toward workplace relationships was strikingly different. The EU leadership almost encouraged them, while in the US they were tolerated but definitely discouraged.
This reminds me of when I worked in administration at a tennis club and my supervisor and coworker had been in a relationship for many years. I guess they entered the work place together at the same time. Anyway, my supervisor had her own office, i was just a clerk at the front desk in front of her office. We share a wall and boy was I uncomfortable working with the two of them flirting and using dirty inside jokes that I quite frankly did not want to hear. I had to deal with customers who could hear the conversation happening behind my wall too. I understand they're working but their conversation is not something for the world to hear especially at work.
Your relationship is not affecting your job. I think ms HR is a jealous bitter person who only revels in making other peoples life a misery. I would start looking for a different job with the same wage etc and once you've got the job tell your present employer to shove it. Nobody has the right to dictate your personal life. It's not as though you are sharing secrets etc. No I'd get out first chance I got. Live your lives and be happy
My parents both worked for a large nationwide bank for virtually all of their marriage. They always worked at different branches..she a loan officer and he worked in major development financing. Mom retired but later went back to work part-time at a large call center. My Dad's financing office was in the same building and had different management, etc. They were allowed to keep working at the building but kept it on the DL. None of Mom's co-workers knew about it. But every morning, just like at home, Dad would bring Mom a cup of coffee. Eventually her co-workers started mentioning that he must have a crush on her, sparking rumors about an affair. They both kept quiet about it and just laughed about the rumors!
Anything ’unpaid’ is yours and to do as you please - go and have a sleep, go and shop in nearby shops - do what you want!!
Where I work, we have an intranet story about once a year about a married couple who met at the office. Not unusual for the story to mention how many of their kids and in-laws work there, too. The company only has an issue with you having a romantic or familial relationship with someone in your management chain. They will reassign a person to prevent those conflicts. The former CEO's wife had to finally resign when he became CEO.
I thought it was only "lower level staff and higher level staff" relationships that needed to be brought up?
Envy rots the bones. Seeing two people happy, which one might never have, may be a direct nuclear bomb to his confidence happiness, hence the need to stop them. Villains usually arise out of bad circumstances. 99% of enemies cease being one with communication and understanding (besides destruction)
My work has pretty clear policies about office romances that I had to sign before I joined. I know you are supposed to declare it. I think that's pretty common. Also, considering that these two have only been openly dating a year, how could they have been "repeatedly" turned down for raises and promotions? In most workplaces that's not, like, a weekly conversation.
Do y'all in the US have to declare in which positions you fυϲk? What means "dating" anyway? Is it dating when you have casual sex? Is it dating when you meet a lot, but don't have sex? I somehow find it odd that you have to provide your fυϲking employer with so intricate details about your sex life. "We're just good friends" and "We occassionally meet to stick his peepee into my vageegee" are the things you might want to write them next time.
It becomes painful these articles where we are encouraged to pillory complete strangers and howl with indignation in packs over completely fragmented and incomplete stories. I don't know these people, I don't know their stories, and I would never know them. If I wanted to go play the little judges I would go where these stories are published. I come to BoredPanda to have fun, discover unusual, incongruous, interesting, pretty things, etc. not to play mother Michu's gossips
I agree with your sentiment, I think. The "Am I the Asshole?" posts copied and pasted from Reddit are too frequent for my liking, and usually everyone agrees with everyone else, so it's just ego food. The worst of it is the subreddit itself is actually rife with assholes...
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I could've sworn relationships only needed to be declared in cases where nepotism would cause issue. They work in different departments and neither one is in a leadership role that could advance the other. I've seen plenty of work relationships and HR didn't care because it didn't consist of a supervisor and an immediate subordinate. HR only cared if they were unprofessional. Your office is just nosey.
It's funny how aßkissing and subsequent favouritism is all accepted without disclosure, right? It would be fair if all our superiors declared in writing who their personal favourites are so those brown-nosers wouldn't be advanced at work before the ones that have the expertise and professional work ethic.
Load More Replies... Welcome to the U.S. of Dumbfuckistan. In Europe, nobody cares as long as two people who are dating and work in the same company, behave professionaly. Full stop. End of f*****g story. I have coworkers who are dating and are married working in the same department. Nobody cares. They are professionals who keep their relationships private. You know, behaving like f*****g adults.
Not sure it's always acceptable in Europe either. I've done jobs where you had to declare it, along with partners and family who work for clients or competitors, as it's a potential conflict of interest and confidentiality breach risk.
Load More Replies... There are some good reasons for people not being in relationships when they work together. Most of that has to do with one having authority over another, or being in the kind of job where a relationship could adversely affect your performance. This does not apply to people who just happen to work for the same company, but are in different departments. Sounds like they both need a new job.
I met my (now) husband at work. We don't work there anymore. When they found out (he had one coworker on his FB who told the boss) our boss said they had a policy against romantic relationships at work. My then boyfriend said he'd love to see it. Boss said she would bring it "next time for all employees to see". We searched their intranet where all policy's are. Nothing. She never brought any policy back "next time" she just fired him because he broke the "policy". They let me stay on because I had a different position and higher education but I quit a few months later. I would have been fine with it IF there was a policy but it wasn't. And that made me question who I was working for.
When I was in this situation only one of us got a year-end bonus because "we could share it"
God, my wife and I have worked together many times, even reporting to the same manager at one point. They didn't care as long as our personal issues never interfered with our work (and they never did). S**t, the current company I work for has several married couples and they don't bat an eye, because they're all professionals who can separate business from personal lives. All of those acts by the HR manager point to bigger problems under the hood. Y'all need to find work elsewhere.
Can confirm. Met my husband at work. Married now for 17 years with 3 kids. Screw any company that tries to interfere, as long as both are acting appropriately while in the workplace.
I got accused of secretly dating my manager when I worked at a cafe. Except, it wasn't even being accused, I was being gossiped about by my other manager and the bosses who would joke about various places we might be having sex in the building. I confronted the other manager one day, who was the source of most of the gossip, as to why she thinks I was dating him when both of us had partners and all four of us were good friends. She said it was because 'I frequently press my breasts out towards him' (I get backache if standing too long, so I was actually just stretching my back) and I laugh at his jokes... Hated that place.
Usually no one cares about such things here unless it does get in the way, but there are avenues to adress that IF needed. Having said that, I met my wife through work. There were several couples so not a worry and we kept the relationship out of work. She did have a whacka-doodle supervisor however who threatened to file a grievence when we got engaged because she had not approved it. We both left shortly afterwards.
In my profession, relationships have to be declared as well. Because we work with Tax, we are obligated to follow government mandates and regulations. One issue is that we have Tax and Audit teams...two different departments. If someone from Audit started dating someone in tax, it could cause a problem if they are both working on the same company. We even have to report if our SO's outside the company are involved with companies or clients that we handle. It saves conflict and lawsuits from happening. But in this poster's case, her company needs to get their nose out of joint and mind their own business.
I'm very confused as to what business anyone's relationship is to the company and why they would be entitled to know.
Just pretend to have broken up. This ks one of the dumbest things of millenial work places. Dating among coworkers js supposed to be an unwritten rule among people with too much power and their subservient employees. The workforce doesn't truly want to punish sexual harassment and discrimination at work so they do this instead. Not that long ago, before online dating, work is where most people made their friendships and relationships
I've worked in both the US and Europe (for the same company!) and the attitude toward workplace relationships was strikingly different. The EU leadership almost encouraged them, while in the US they were tolerated but definitely discouraged.
This reminds me of when I worked in administration at a tennis club and my supervisor and coworker had been in a relationship for many years. I guess they entered the work place together at the same time. Anyway, my supervisor had her own office, i was just a clerk at the front desk in front of her office. We share a wall and boy was I uncomfortable working with the two of them flirting and using dirty inside jokes that I quite frankly did not want to hear. I had to deal with customers who could hear the conversation happening behind my wall too. I understand they're working but their conversation is not something for the world to hear especially at work.
Your relationship is not affecting your job. I think ms HR is a jealous bitter person who only revels in making other peoples life a misery. I would start looking for a different job with the same wage etc and once you've got the job tell your present employer to shove it. Nobody has the right to dictate your personal life. It's not as though you are sharing secrets etc. No I'd get out first chance I got. Live your lives and be happy
My parents both worked for a large nationwide bank for virtually all of their marriage. They always worked at different branches..she a loan officer and he worked in major development financing. Mom retired but later went back to work part-time at a large call center. My Dad's financing office was in the same building and had different management, etc. They were allowed to keep working at the building but kept it on the DL. None of Mom's co-workers knew about it. But every morning, just like at home, Dad would bring Mom a cup of coffee. Eventually her co-workers started mentioning that he must have a crush on her, sparking rumors about an affair. They both kept quiet about it and just laughed about the rumors!
Anything ’unpaid’ is yours and to do as you please - go and have a sleep, go and shop in nearby shops - do what you want!!
Where I work, we have an intranet story about once a year about a married couple who met at the office. Not unusual for the story to mention how many of their kids and in-laws work there, too. The company only has an issue with you having a romantic or familial relationship with someone in your management chain. They will reassign a person to prevent those conflicts. The former CEO's wife had to finally resign when he became CEO.
I thought it was only "lower level staff and higher level staff" relationships that needed to be brought up?
Envy rots the bones. Seeing two people happy, which one might never have, may be a direct nuclear bomb to his confidence happiness, hence the need to stop them. Villains usually arise out of bad circumstances. 99% of enemies cease being one with communication and understanding (besides destruction)
My work has pretty clear policies about office romances that I had to sign before I joined. I know you are supposed to declare it. I think that's pretty common. Also, considering that these two have only been openly dating a year, how could they have been "repeatedly" turned down for raises and promotions? In most workplaces that's not, like, a weekly conversation.
Do y'all in the US have to declare in which positions you fυϲk? What means "dating" anyway? Is it dating when you have casual sex? Is it dating when you meet a lot, but don't have sex? I somehow find it odd that you have to provide your fυϲking employer with so intricate details about your sex life. "We're just good friends" and "We occassionally meet to stick his peepee into my vageegee" are the things you might want to write them next time.
It becomes painful these articles where we are encouraged to pillory complete strangers and howl with indignation in packs over completely fragmented and incomplete stories. I don't know these people, I don't know their stories, and I would never know them. If I wanted to go play the little judges I would go where these stories are published. I come to BoredPanda to have fun, discover unusual, incongruous, interesting, pretty things, etc. not to play mother Michu's gossips
I agree with your sentiment, I think. The "Am I the Asshole?" posts copied and pasted from Reddit are too frequent for my liking, and usually everyone agrees with everyone else, so it's just ego food. The worst of it is the subreddit itself is actually rife with assholes...
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