“Alpha Male Garbage”: 30 Things That Some Folks Think Are A “Flex” But Really Are Not

My drunk driving skills are great, I call an uber/lift/cab or walk my happy a*s. Never, ever get behind the wheel drunk

Secretly?

What's with the angle of that back wheel? - is this a hovercraft?

I love pulling up to one of these at a traffic light. I just look over and laugh my a*s off.

I live right across the street from a high school. The amount of these things I hear daily is astonishing, really…

Literally no one is impressed by this.

Put the back wheels straight again and put on some smaller wheels that actually have some rubber on them and that car isn´t all that bad.

Not sure which is worse, this or Harleys, especially with the large amount of them these days that have speakers as well....

I remember from my teen years that some kid round here had a mk1 Nissan Micra and stuck a 4in exhaust on it which stuck out quite significantly behind the car. I think it weighed the car down as its acceleration was worse than normal.

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Disagree. This is just lame gatekeeping. Let people enjoy their hobbies I don't care for these sorts of cars but so what?

This happens to where I work alot. Thanks for the cold and the 3 days I won't be getting paid.

Honestly, neither have I but I don't have children so I guess it's okay?

Yeah! Stop shaming me for my French vanilla cappuccino Brian!

Tater Tots are everywhere these days. I'd like to see a Venn diagram of them and incels, it could be a perfect overlap

I was a store manager for a company that habitually understaffed it stores. During covid it got worse. It was so bad that I would regularly work 70 plus hours a week. But instead of complaining some of my fellow managers were actually bragging about it. Like it was something to be proud of.

Especially as true luxery items are often more tactfully branded. Big logos are tacky and not needed for those who actually know their product and hence a Ralph Lauren will have a logo the size of a stamp, not a print that extends all over the breast of a T-shirt.

This is a fabulous thing to learn about another person because it tells you a lot about them and about how little time you might really want to spend with them.

Another type of body dismorphia

...or anybody else you know personally.

The bragging about being politically incorrect one tho... So you *like* being hurtful and disrespectful.

They’re flexing the fact that they get to sponge off their parents’ wealth. It’s gross and the wealth in question needs to be taxed far more than it is right now, but the flex is real.

Ahh, society, making alcoholism acceptable since god knows when :)

Please Turn Over?

And then saying they are supporting eco movements.

We need to call it what it is, which is “trying to escape poverty”. I don’t wish for someone to have no support when their body eventually gives out; I wish for a society where people don’t have to work so much, and my politics reflect that.

Fun fact: People have different awake and restful times they literally can't change. You can adapt but will never change your default, what's naturally best for you. It's one of the reasons the 9-5 standard work hours has been so bad for people's mental health.

This is a high-school thing, or at least for me it was. From college on it was understood that not getting sleep just made you less functional. The flex became being too busy to get proper sleep, which is a weird flex too, since it's just kind of sad.

Let's see how many "likes" I'll get here.. or "dislikes"

I love the opposite people, who boast about how little they paid for something that looks amazing and/or is super useful

I'll have you know, my diet is extremely strict - I exclusively eat things that taste nice!

Ah yes, the transitive property of knowledge.

...well that just makes you plain stupid

Some people can't afford not to work. Which is such a sad thing.

A lifted truck. I have to laugh when they tip over

Or that they can use you.

Some people DID go to those schools. Should they make up another story so you'll feel comfortable? Again, it's entirely the way they go about telling their story.

Totally depends on the context. If you ask me how I liked a particular TV show or a movie and I don't go to the movies or watch TV, how is that a flex? It might just be an accurate description of my life. I think that for most of these it's the weird little smug look they give you when they answer that makes it ugly.

Once again such a turn off.

Don’t you just love it when people announce their stupidity.

The term “body count” itself irritates me. Christina Aguilera and Lil Kim didn’t sing “The guy gets all the glory the more he can score, while the girl can do the same and yet you call her a whore” so that people could turn around and give this BS a cutesy name.

I can't help it that my vehicle is loud! My bicycle is very old and squeaky and I can't afford WD-40 at the moment...

Depends. I encounter a lot of rich people in my job so see a lot of Amex, but they pay theirs back every month while racking up a lot of points and airmiles.