Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
Future MIL Pushes Fiancée Out Of Her Own Plans, Her Son Finally Starts Seeing The Pattern
I can’t count how many times I’ve argued with my partner over the tiniest details. But when a relative creates conflict between us, it’s a different story.
The woman behind our following story found herself facing one of these challenges. Her future mother-in-law had started to stir up trouble, affecting the couple’s finances, vacations, and even their wedding plans. Concerned about her relationship, she turned to Reddit for advice.
RELATED:
When family members struggle with boundaries, their involvement can harm even the strongest romantic relationships
After 5 years together, a woman and her fiancé faced growing tension as his mother started affecting them
The mother damaged their plans, even pushing for a big wedding they could barely afford
After her mother-in-law repeatedly excluded her from dinner meetings, the woman reached a breaking point
At first, the community blamed the fiancé for allowing his mother to interfere so deeply
After the rupture, the woman left her home and traveled to spend time with her family
After reading the Reddit thread, the fiancé attempted to work on rebuilding their future together
As readers realized the fiancé was following the updates, they offered him some tough love and urged him to confront the situation
The mother-in-aw repeatedly pushed the boundaries of her relationship with guilt and financial pressure
Controlling behavior from parents can become quite harmful, especially when they can’t accept that their child’s independence. In the fiancé’s case, his mother repeatedly placed her wishes above his.
Solid Foundations Therapy, a group of specialists in parent-child therapy, explains that there are patterns that can last for decades, because families develop their own rules around relationships and independence. In enmeshed families, adult children struggle to separate their needs from those of their parents, particularly when parents use guilt and manipulation.
The financial pressure in the story can also be understood as part of that broader controlling dynamic rather than as an isolated money dispute. The man’s mother asks him to cover $25k in home repairs, even if she had substantial savings, using guilt to push him towards agreeing.
Guilt becomes the main focus. The U.S. National Library of Medicine explains in a paper that psychological control can use guilt to make children feel responsible for a parent’s distress. Psychological control differs from ordinary parental guidance because it intrudes into a child’s emotional world, according to the paper.
The effects of those patterns can continue long after a child becomes an adult. Christa Smith, PhD specializes in evidence-based treatment for adults. She notes that people who grew up trying to manage a parent’s emotions may continue to do so, sometimes paying so much attention to how others feel that they struggle to recognize what they need themselves. Or even, what their couples need.
Smith explains that these patterns can also affect romantic relationships, with partners sometimes noticing the problem before the adult child does. In this case, the fiancée saw how much his mother was interfering while the man was still trying to understand what was happening.
The mother’s alleged attempt to hurt herself added another difficult layer to the situation. The story does not make her intentions clear, but what is clear is that it placed even more emotional pressure on her son just as he was trying to set boundaries. We can’t diagnose it as manipulation, but this is a trait of the controlling behavior we mentioned earlier.
Do you think the man was right to set firm boundaries with his mother? What would you have done in his place? Share your thoughts in the comments!
The man traveled to meet her to fix the relationship and admitted that his mother’s behavior had left him feeling trapped
The fiancé tried therapy and set firmer boundaries, reconsidering his whole relationship with his mother
Netizens praised the man for taking responsibility and making a genuine effort to tackle the problems
After years of family tension, the couple revealed a painful history that explained why Adam struggled to separate from his mother
After his mother rejected therapy, Adam went no contact, while the couple married and began rebuilding their lives together
Readers congratulated the couple on their marriage and celebrated the happy ending after everything they had endured
Poll Question
Total votes ·
Thanks! Check out the results:
Total votes ·
Newsletter
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 hours ago
My mother did this same thing to me - I wasn't home on the day my dad fell off of a ladder, so the accident was MY fault. If I'd been home, I'd have somehow... prevented my adult father from going up a ladder to try to fix the Christmas lights? I don't even know what her thought process was/is. But she harped on it for years: my father's accident was MY fault, because I wasn't home, because I was being a brat at the time (I was 18 and had just been dumped by my first-ever boyfriend and had been spending time with friends to distract me.) She used this tactic to guilt me into being my dad's caregiver for 21 years, never moving out, never finishing college, working for the family business because I "owed" the family for the loss of my dad. She eventually quieted down on the "it's your fault" part, but the damage was done. Narcissists never, ever change. She's 82 now, my dad has been deád for 5 years, and she hasn't changed an iota. I hope OP and her husband stay NC.
WindySwede 4 hours ago
I looked on, what i think is OPs reddit account, and the last post was 11y ago. But they seemed to answer things in the thread. But have 6% battery so didn't read.. link ⤵️⤵️⤵️
Load More Replies...
GatorGran 4 hours ago (edited)
this is in response to how to say "goodbye" to Adam's father. My son, 36 years old passed away from cancer last year. It has left a hole in my heart that can never be filled. My daughter is a wonderful woman who suggested a Celebration of Life for him, Sam. It took place a few months after we passed. It featured music and food that he liked, and friends and family attended. It was good to have it after a few months than right after his passing. I am now in tears writing this, but it was a wonderful celebration. I realize that Adam's father died a long time ago, but a ceremony of remembrance is never too late. People can reminisce about favorite stores and events pertaining to the father. It truly does make living with grief easier. It may never get completely better, but now I can remember the good times without breaking down. Best of luck and happiness to you both.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 hours ago
My mother did this same thing to me - I wasn't home on the day my dad fell off of a ladder, so the accident was MY fault. If I'd been home, I'd have somehow... prevented my adult father from going up a ladder to try to fix the Christmas lights? I don't even know what her thought process was/is. But she harped on it for years: my father's accident was MY fault, because I wasn't home, because I was being a brat at the time (I was 18 and had just been dumped by my first-ever boyfriend and had been spending time with friends to distract me.) She used this tactic to guilt me into being my dad's caregiver for 21 years, never moving out, never finishing college, working for the family business because I "owed" the family for the loss of my dad. She eventually quieted down on the "it's your fault" part, but the damage was done. Narcissists never, ever change. She's 82 now, my dad has been deád for 5 years, and she hasn't changed an iota. I hope OP and her husband stay NC.
WindySwede 4 hours ago
I looked on, what i think is OPs reddit account, and the last post was 11y ago. But they seemed to answer things in the thread. But have 6% battery so didn't read.. link ⤵️⤵️⤵️
Load More Replies... GatorGran 4 hours ago (edited)
this is in response to how to say "goodbye" to Adam's father. My son, 36 years old passed away from cancer last year. It has left a hole in my heart that can never be filled. My daughter is a wonderful woman who suggested a Celebration of Life for him, Sam. It took place a few months after we passed. It featured music and food that he liked, and friends and family attended. It was good to have it after a few months than right after his passing. I am now in tears writing this, but it was a wonderful celebration. I realize that Adam's father died a long time ago, but a ceremony of remembrance is never too late. People can reminisce about favorite stores and events pertaining to the father. It truly does make living with grief easier. It may never get completely better, but now I can remember the good times without breaking down. Best of luck and happiness to you both.
Related on Bored Panda
35
10