ADVERTISEMENT

Statistics say that around 30 to 40% of the world’s population drink coffee. That’s actually a lot of people. In some countries, these numbers go even higher. It’s safe to assume that coffee is an important part of human life. So of course, we make jokes about it. 

With the variety of beans, brewing methods, and coffee-based drinks, making coffee puns is easier than ordering a cup at your favorite coffee shop. For example, I am sure you have heard the depresso joke. It’s a very funny roast (see what I did there?) on people who are grumpy and irritable even after they’ve had their morning coffee. 

If you think that coffee humor is only for those who actually drink it, you should just look up some jokes about coffee. Trust me, they will make you chuckle under your breath or even laugh out loud even if you have never as much as tried this fantastic liquid (by the way, if that’s your case, how do you survive?)

Whether you prefer your coffee black, white, with or without sugar, hot or iced, it will always go well with a nice fresh coffee joke. In this article we’ve collected a lot of funny coffee jokes to brighten up your morning. How many cups do you drink per day? Tell us in the comments, and don’t forget to share your favorite ways of having coffee. 

#1

"I tried brewing my coffee with Red Bull instead of water. I drank it and left my house to go to work. After 15 minutes I realized I forgot my car."

Report

#2

"Every morning, I see this exhausted woman who looks like she would murder someone for a cup of coffee. I really should move that mirror."

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#3

What does a gossiping coffee do?

Spill the beans.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#4

What kind of sugar does Lady Gaga use in her coffee?

Raw raw raw raw raw.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#5

New word: Procaffeinating (n). - the tendency to not start anything until you’ve had your coffee.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#6

What currency can we use to buy coffee in space?

Starbucks.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
ADVERTISEMENT
#7

How does a coffee snob take their coffee?

Seriously. Very seriously.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#8

What do you call sad coffee?

Despresso.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
ADVERTISEMENT
#9

Coffee is the most important meal of the day.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#10

What type of coffee do vampires drink?

Decoffinated.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#11

Why was the instant cup of coffee so rude?

He had no filter.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#12

What did the cup of coffee say to his friend?

"What’s up, brew?"

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#13

How did the hipster burn their mouth?

They drank their coffee before it was cool.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
ADVERTISEMENT
#14

What’s a barista’s favorite exercise?

The French press.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#15

What's it called when you steal someone's coffee?

Mugging!

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#16

What does a coffee lover say when they’re hitting on you?

I’ve been thinking about you a latte.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#17

How do coffee cups greet each other?

With mugs and kisses.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#18

What’s a coffee’s favorite spell?

Espresso Patronum!

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#19

What do you call it when you drop your coffee mug?

A coffee break.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#20

Why did the barista get fired?

They kept showing up to work in a tea-shirt.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
ADVERTISEMENT
#21

"I was drinking coffee in my snow boots this morning when I thought to myself, “I need to get a mug.”"

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#22

What’s a barista’s favorite programming language?

Java.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#23

What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?

"I don’t have a problem with coffee; I have a problem without it!"

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#24

Where do birds go for coffee?

To the NESTcafe

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#25

Why should you never make fun of a barista?

They will roast you.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#26

"Someone stole my coffee cup, so I’m heading down to the police station to look over some mugshots."

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#27

Did you hear about the guy who put World War II figures in his coffee every morning?

He heard that the best part of waking up was soldiers in your cup.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
ADVERTISEMENT
#28

Who did Han Solo owe coffee to?

Java the Hut.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#29

Why do some people call fresh coffee mud?

Because it was just ground a few minutes ago.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#30

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who love coffee and liars.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#31

Does Moses use instant coffee?

No. He brews.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#32

What did the Brazilian coffee say to the Indonesian coffee?

What’s Sumatra with you?

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#33

What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?

"I asked for a coffee."

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#34

Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?

It can be a strong, heated debate.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
ADVERTISEMENT
#35

If you sit down to enjoy a hot cup of coffee, then your boss will ask you to do something that will last until the coffee is cold.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#36

How does a tech guy drink coffee?

He installs Java!

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#37

Why are Italians so good at making coffee?

Because they know how to espresso themselves.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#38

A thirsty customer walks into a coffee shop. He asks the barista, “How much for a cup of coffee?” The barista points to the menu and says, “Five dollars for a cup of coffee and refills are free.” The customer responds, “Thanks. I’ll have a refill.”

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#39

If the local coffee shop has awarded you "Employee of the Month" and you don't even work there, you may be drinking too much coffee.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#40

How are men like coffee?

The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#41

Did you hear about the cow that gave birth?

It was de-calf-inated.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#42

What did the coffee lover name her son?

Joe, obviously.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#43

I’m about to have a dangerous cup of coffee… Safe tea first, though.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#44

"I just got myself a top-of-the-range coffee maker. It has a lot of perks."

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#45

A guy walks into a cafe and orders a coffee to go. The coffee gets up and leaves.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#46

What’s a barista’s favorite morning mantra?

Rise and grind!

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#47

What happens if you touch Dad’s coffee?

You’ll be grounded!

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#48

What should a father say to his daughter every day?

"You’re brewtiful."

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#49

What’s favorite Bob Marley song?

"Don’t Worry, Be Frappé."

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#50

Why did the rabbit stop drinking coffee?

It made it too jumpy.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#51

What did the Italian guy say when he was teased?

Don’t mocha me!

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#52

What did the mommy coffee bean say when the naughty little coffee bean came home late?

Where have you bean?

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#53

Why can’t cups of coffee go to Hogwarts?

They’re muggles.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#54

What do cups of coffee say when they see a friend?

How are you doing percolately?

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#55

What are coffee websites coded in?

JavaScript.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#56

What did the excited cup of coffee say to the coffee drinker?

Pour some sugar on me, baby!

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#57

Why can’t you hang around coffee shops at night?

You’ll get mugged.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#58

What do you call it when you put off drinking coffee until tomorrow?

Procaffeinating.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#59

How do you get enough coffee for a cup?

By any beans necessary!

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#60

"Everything I brew, I brew it for you" – Bryan Adams.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#61

"Espresso yourself" – Madonna.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#62

Why did the coffee shop close for the day?

Because a storm was brewing.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#63

How are coffee beans like teenagers?

Both are always getting grounded.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#64

A man fell into a vat of coffee and died. The police told his wife, in an attempt to console her, “At least he didn’t suffer; it was instant.”

Report

Add photo comments
POST
See Also on Bored Panda
#65

What's the best Beatles song?

Latte Be!

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#66

Soup of the day: Coffee.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#67

What did the barista's Valentine say?

"I can't espresso my love for you."

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#68

Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

A guy that just had 4 shots of espresso!

A guy th—

Now you say, “a guy that just had 4 shots of espresso who?”

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#69

Why did the espresso keep checking his watch?

Because he was pressed for time.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#70

Drinking too much espresso can cause a latte problems.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#71

What did the caffeine addict name his cats?

Cream and Sugar.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#72

How does the serial killer like his coffee?

How he likes his victims—all ground up.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#73

"I drink so much coffee at work, I consider it part of my daily grind."

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#74

Why did the coffee file a police report?

Because it was mugged.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
See Also on Bored Panda
#75

Why are all Jewish men required to make a good cup of coffee?

Because according to the Torah, he brews!

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#76

What do you call the first level of a coffee factory?

The ground floor.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#77

Why can Starbucks get away with charging outrageous prices for coffee?

Because they have Italian titles for everything!

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#78

What did the bored coffee drinker say?

Bean there, done that.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#79

What do you call coffee with sunglasses and tattoos?

Cool beans.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#80

Why was the cup of coffee top of the class?

She was a beverage.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#81

Why did the cup of coffee marry her man?

He kept her grounded.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#82

What do coffee-loving councilors tell the patients in rehab?

Choose mugs, not drugs.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#83

Why is it good to have a job in the coffee industry?

There are lots of perks.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#84

"I like my men like I like my coffee… I don’t like coffee."

Report

Add photo comments
POST
See Also on Bored Panda
#85

"I like my men like I like my coffee… Nowhere near my pants."

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#86

"I like my women like I like my coffee… I’ve never had coffee but it smells really nice."

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#87

"I like big cups and I cannot lie" – Sir Blendalot.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#88

What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers?

You mocha me crazy!

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#89

What do you call it when a coffee joke is so funny that it causes an uproar?

A brew-haha.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#90

A woman walks into a coffee shop carrying a large chunk of asphalt. She walks up to the barista and says, “I’ll take a cappuccino for me, please, and a latte for the road.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#91

You have 16 sugar cubes and three mugs of coffee. How do you put an odd number of sugar cubes in each one, making sure to use all 16 sugar cubes? You put one cube in the first mug, one cube in the second mug, and 14 cubes in the third mug because 14 is an odd number of sugar cubes to put in a coffee.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#92

What’s the technical name for a pot of coffee at work?

Break fluid.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#93

What do you call it when you walk into a cafe you’re sure you’ve been to before?

Déjà brew.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#94

Why should you be wary of 5-cent espresso?

It’s a cheap shot.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
See Also on Bored Panda
#95

Why shouldn't you discuss coffee in polite company?

It can make for a strong and heated debate.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#96

A yawn is just a silent scream for coffee.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#97

How is divorce like espresso?

It’s expensive and bitter.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#98

What do you call it when cafe customers joke about their coffee?

A brewhaha.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#99

A factory worker died today after falling into a vat of coffee. Police say that although it came as a shock to all who knew him, they may take some relief from the fact he didn’t suffer. It was instant.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#100

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?

Sanka.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#101

What’s fat, hairy, and drinks a lot of coffee?

Java the Hut!

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#102

How do you make Pig Jerky?

Give them some coffee.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#103

Why did the cup of coffee lift the milk jug?

That was strong coffee.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#104

What do brave coffee grounds do?

They take the plunger.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
See Also on Bored Panda
#105

Why did the cup of coffee always complain?

He was just bitter.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#106

Why should you never discuss coffee in public?

It can get heated.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#107

"I like my men like I like my coffee… Instantly ready."

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#108

"Living la Vida mocha" – Ricky Martin.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#109

Why was everyone getting sick at the coffee shop?

Because there was a lot of coffeeing going on.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#110

What does specialty coffee have in common with Eric Clapton?

Both are good without cream.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#111

A tall blonde woman walks into a coffee shop. The barista says, “We have a drink named after you!” With a confused look on her face, the blonde woman says, “You have a drink named Lisa?”

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#112

An astronaut was making coffee and complained, “I can’t find any milk.” Another astronaut replied, “In space, no one can. Here, use cream.”

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#113

Sleep is a weak substitute for coffee.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#114

What's the opposite of coffee?

Sneezy.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
See Also on Bored Panda
#115

How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?

You channel surf faster without the remote.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#116

Why should you be wary of 5-cent espresso?

It’s a cheap shot.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#117

A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drinks coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye. The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#118

What did the coffees say before their night out?

Let’s stir up some trouble!

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#119

A factory worker died today after falling into a vat of coffee. Police say that it came as a shock to all who knew him. But they may take some relief from the fact he didn’t suffer. It was instant.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#120

What’s a coffee’s favorite karaoke song?

Hit me with your best shot!

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#121

Why did the gardener save his coffee grounds?

For sedimental reasons.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#122

Where do bad cups of coffee go when they die?

To perca-tory.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#123

How should you react when a place has bottomless coffee?

With bottomless thanks.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#124

What do waiters who don’t bring the coffee quickly enough get?

Lukewarm applause.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
See Also on Bored Panda
#125

What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee?

Their friendship came to a bitter end.

Report

Add photo comments
POST
#126

What kind of coffee likes to race?

Instant from an espresso machine.

Report

Add photo comments
POST