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“You’re Impossible To Underestimate”: 71 Clever Insults That Show That Offending People Is An Art
If you want to put someone in their place, your first instinct might be to throw every foul word you know at them and call it a day. That’s definitely the easier route. Coming up with something that’s actually clever and funny enough to sting takes a little more creativity.
Thankfully, when two Redditors asked people to share their favorite insults, people had plenty to offer. We’ve rounded up some of the best below. Scroll down, take notes and save your favorites for when you need them.
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#1
The first time I heard this was in GTA: SA, CJ randomly yells it at people he crashed into:
Are you a professional moron? Or just a gifted amateur?
RELATED:
#2
I'm not insulting you. i'm describing you.
#3
"I expected nothing and I'm still disappointed
#4
I bet your parents try to change the subject when their friends ask how you’re doing.
LizzieBoredom 1 day ago
"How's Ronnie doing?" "Really well. He's almost finished his court-mandated introduction to the neighbors".
#6
You're a complete tool but not half as useful.
Andrew Keir 1 day ago
A pair of 'wastes of oxygen' might be described as "Wedge" & "Lever" - the two simplest tools known to humankind
#7
You're just a collection of personality flaws masquerading as a person.
Ghostchaplain16 10 hours ago
My favorite, though I can't really use it, is "you're ugly enough to make a train take a dirt road."
#8
Why are you playing so hard to get when you're already hard to want.
#9
At my old job we had a guy we would refer to as *"If he was any dumber, we'd have to water him"*.
UnclePanda 23 hours ago
I asked five separate people who'd worked with Dave and not one of them hesitated to say "No" to the following question: If Dave showed up to meetings wearing a pink bunny suit, would you think any less of him?"
#10
You look like you know the brand of windows by taste
#11
In 8th grade I told a teacher, “If I was half the man you were, I’d be a quarter of the man I am.” I said stupid things all the time without any forethought, so I was impressed when that one made sense. Teacher was too, but he made me write everything on the whiteboard anyway. I’ve used it sparingly since then. It starts out sounding like a compliment, but ends up being an insult, so it takes people by surprise when used in light banter.
#12
"You are the human equivalent of a participation award.".
Michael Largey 21 hours ago
I would gladly settle for people being as harmless and well-intentioned as a participation award.
#13
Christopher Hitchens on Jerry Falwell:
“If you gave (him) an enema, you could bury him in a matchbox.”.
#14
Got in a bit of an altercation with my partner’s ex out at the bar. She’s literally one inch taller than legally being a little person. So 4’11 I think.
When she started getting mouthy I stole a line from the Office and told her to
“Calm down, booster seat. No ones talking to you”
Instantly shut the convo down. Was glorious.
#15
Charlie Brooker:
Describing Ann Widdecombe as having “a face like a haunted cave”
Or Paul Potts as having “a face like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man reading a disappointing bank statement”
Or Bill O’Reilly as looking like “a tortoise that’s learned to enjoy the smell of its own farts”
And about himself: “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, which is a pity, because this week the National Association of Beholders wrote to tell me that I’ve got a face like a rucksack full of dented bells.”.
#16
This one always stuck with me.
"What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."
#17
If you were any more inbred you'd be a sandwich.
#18
You look like you spend more time on regret management than goal achievement.
Michael Largey 21 hours ago
Understandable. Most of us would give more priority to putting out a fire in our house than dusting the curio cabinet.
#19
"You're as bright as a black hole and twice as dense."
Michael Largey 20 hours ago
Unfortunately, most really dumb people don't know what a black hole is or believe it's some sort of hoax to test our faith (like dinosaur bones).
#20
It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork.
#22
“Tiny-brained wiper of other people’s bottoms”
It sounds more insulting if you say it with a bad French accent.
Source: Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
#24
For years, a (very Scottish) teacher used to call anyone that did anything stupid "a plank". One day a kid whose surname was "Brown" was made to stand up and read in front of the class and he couldn't pronounce a very simpe word. He stood there looking stupid and went to scratch his head and the teacher said.
"Broon ya utter plank, dinnae scratch yur heid, you'll get a splinter".
#25
Once heard a very drunk man scream "YOU ARE WALT DISNEY'S WORST CREATION" at some random woman in a pub. I was pretty impressed with that one.
#26
I heard this the other day. Two big burly bearded guys messing around and one had a good dig at the other but second guy retorts:
“Please don’t mind my lesbian sister.”.
#27
From Full Metal jacket "Did your parents have any children that lived" followed by "You're so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece".
#28
As an outsider, what’s your opinion on intelligence?
#30
When informed that Calvin Coolidge had passed away, Dorothy Parker quipped: "How could they tell?".
Auntriarch 1 day ago
Was he the one she described as looking like he'd been weaned on a pickle?
#31
You remind me of Rapunzel. Only where Rapunzel let down her hair, you let down everyone in your life.
Michael Largey 20 hours ago
Davin Niven on Errol Flynn: "As a friend, Errol was absolutely reliable. He would always let you down."
#33
Bob Ross said you're a mistake.
#37
Seven and a half million years of evolution and your poor mother still somehow gave birth to a baboon.
#38
I would challenged you to a battle of wits, but I can see that you are unarmed!
#39
"You get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir!"
#40
Try using your head for more than a hat rack.
Oh, so your family tree is actually a wreath.
#44
You’re the reason there are instructions on shampoo bottles
#45
You inspire birth control
Mike Rodrick 12 hours ago
Or, "your mom should have swallowed." Or, "your dad should've pulled out."
#47
You look like the kind of person who would put ketchup on sushi.
#48
You're a sad, strange little man and you have my pity. Farewell.
#50
From Casablanca:
“You despise me don’t you?”
“Well if I gave you any thought I probably would”
#52
"I'm thinking you weren't burdened with an over-abundance of schooling" from Firefly.
#56
"one who waves back at Teletubbies".
I was watching a tik tok video and this guy was going through German insults or maybe just words because of how they make super long compound words in German and this one had me rolling.
#57
You remind me of High-school. Great to remember, Horrible to experience.
#58
I once heard a guy in Ireland refer to his child as ''you absolute misfortune''.
Just really stuck with me, it's a great line XD.
#59
In overwatch last night someone reported my team mate because her aim was too good and said “reported for aimbotting” in match chat. When we beat them (fairly, she’s just an insanely good shot, no aim bot required) my other team mate Just responded with “reported for smooth brain” and something about that has had me cackling ever since. I keep thinking about it and just bursting into fits of giggles.
#60
You're at the top of the Bell curve.
Michael Largey 20 hours ago (edited)
Being called average at something is not necessarily an insult.
#63
I bet you use both side of the toilet paper.
#64
I like the passive aggressive ones the best.
I hope you’re always short one battery for your electronics at home.
I genuinely hope there will be somebody to mourn you when you pass.
I sincerely hope one shoe always has a small pebble in it you can’t quite find.
#65
I bet you have a favorite flavor of paint chip
Geoffrey Scott 1 day ago
Made a co-worker stop when he described a dude's kid as dumb. " Almost like the kid ate paint chips in their rented house". He knew the landlord and knew there was probably lead paint in it.
#67
My friends and I were in that insult phase in high school and tried to see who could come up with the best zinger. These are the best one:
“Is that your face or did your neck throw up?”.
#70
You should carry a plant around with you to replace the oxygen you waste.
Andrew Keir 1 day ago
"There's a tree in the Amazon rain-forest that creates the oxygen you are breathing. You should walk there and apologise in person"
#71
She’s as useless as Anne Frank’s drum set is a personal fav of mine.
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