Guy Tries To Help Out Brother’s Family By Taking Care Of Their “Demon Child”, Finally Snaps After They Show How Entitled They Are
Interview With Author
It’s hard to say ‘no’ when your family asks for help. However, there’s always a limit to someone’s generosity. You can’t keep saying ‘yes’ every single time they need a hand—you have your own life to live as well, and you can’t sacrifice all of your plans, hopes, and dreams. Sometimes, enough is enough.
Redditor u/ThrowAwayUncle44 shared how he got into a huge argument with his brother and sister-in-law after refusing to look after his nephew anymore. The entire situation blew up. Scroll down for the full story, as well as the OP’s update.
Bored Panda reached out to u/ThrowAwayUncle44 and he was kind enough to answer a few of our questions and share some advice for anyone who’s ever stuck in a similar situation as he was. You’ll find our full interview with the author of the post below.
Helping out your family is one thing, but nobody wants to be an unpaid babysitter for their relatives all the time
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One man opened up about how his family reacted after he chose a trip with his partner over taking care of his nephew
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Image credits: nd3000 (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ThrowAwayUncle44
The uncle later gave an update about how the situation escalated further
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Image credits: ThrowAwayUncle44
The family was appalled when the uncle pushed back against their demands
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Bored Panda wanted to get to know the post author’s thoughts on boundaries, how the internet reacted to his story, and how he’d go about helping someone who ever has to deal with something similar.
“The comments helped me reaffirm what I sort of already knew for a long time about my family. I don’t really talk about my family much in real life so for a long time it was just what I was thinking vs what they were telling me. Seeing hundreds of comments all aligned with what I was feeling helped me realize that it wasn’t just in my head and this was definitely not normal,” u/ThrowAwayUncle44 opened up to Bored Panda how the members of the AITA subreddit helped him quite a bit.
Meanwhile, we were curious as to why the redditor’s family had such a hard time accepting the boundaries that he tried to establish. “I think it just comes down to favoritism. My older brother was my parent’s favorite no doubt about that and he was pretty much always prioritized over me,” he explained.
“I wanted to go to school in the US which my parents disapproved of while my brother did all his education in our home country. They refused to pay for my education and I pretty much had to finance everything myself via working and scholarships. My best guess is that they resent me for getting out of their control,” the OP said.
Meanwhile, here’s his advice for someone who might be in his shoes: “I can say without a doubt is try to recognize that you are being manipulated and put your foot down as soon as possible. The longer you keep giving in, the more they will make you believe that doing favors for them is an obligation and you’ll hesitate setting boundaries because of guilt.”
The argument that followed the redditor’s proclamation that he’d like to go on a trip with his girlfriend instead of taking care of his nephew was of epic proportions. Everyone said a lot of mean things they probably regretted. And the OP’s family accused him of not pulling his own weight. There were some suggestions thrown about that he should be sacrificing everything for his family.
However, his family seemed to think that he was their go-to babysitter, at their beck and call whenever they needed his help. It seems unfair to dump such a huge responsibility on a close family member, especially when they don’t seem particularly thrilled about being a nanny. The entire situation raises a lot of questions about why the kid’s parents aren’t looking after him more… and why all the other family members aren’t stepping in to volunteer and help.
The vast majority of the redditors who read the story thought that the OP was clearly in the right. Meanwhile, in an update, the redditor shared how he apologized to his family. However, his relatives didn’t apologize back. It seemed like the only thing that they cared about was whether or not he’d be their babysitter again.
Establishing clear boundaries is essential for healthy familial relationships
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There seem to be two main issues at work here. The first has to do with setting boundaries with family members and how they’re struggling to accept this new reality. The second appears to be linked to something that can cause arguments in any family—money.
When it comes to setting boundaries, there’s no alternative to good communication. Everyone needs to set expectations and be on the same page. It’s essential that you don’t take a relative’s willingness to help for granted. Asking for a spot of help from time to time is fine. But turning babysitting into an annoying and challenging part-time job is probably not the best way to get on someone’s good side.
Living without any boundaries means living at your expense. They’re essential for healthy and thriving relationships, whether they’re familial or romantic. It’s not selfish to have boundaries. Quite the opposite. If you don’t communicate and enforce them, then you’ll start resenting those who cross them.
It’s fine to make your boundaries more flexible the closer you are to someone else as you look for compromises (you care about these people, after all), but it would be a mistake to do whatever someone else tells you to, whenever they tell you to, just because you’re related to them. Being a family member doesn’t mean giving up your entire identity.
Some families see each relative’s time and money as shared resources
Image credits: ollinka (not the actual photo)
The second issue at play here is a bit more subtle. From redditor u/ThrowAwayUncle44’s posts, it appears that he’s doing pretty well, financially. He’s able to take monthly trips with his girlfriend. And his relatives even mentioned that he should pay for his nephew’s daycare, as well as some other expenses.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to help your family members financially—plenty of people would do just that. The problem, however, is that there’s an expectation that the OP has to do these things. It’s expected of him. His family seems to view his resources as theirs. It’s not really a gift if someone demands something from you, now is it?
As we’ve covered on Bored Panda before, when someone gets rich, their family, friends, and acquaintances will start doing mental calculations on what they can ask of you. If you don’t comply with their wishes, they might start resenting you. Your best approaches are to practice stealth wealth (live an outwardly middle-class lifestyle) or explain that you’ve got your money set to be donated to charities that you care about. If there’s any money left over after that, you can give it to your nearest and dearest as you please, without any expectations or strings attached.
The author of the post shared some more details in the comments
The readers gave the man some spot-on advice. Here’s what they had to say
'Planning to have a daughter'? That's not how that works... They sound like they expect the universe to revolve around their wishes and everyone else are just side characters.
They're crying poverty and can't afford the kid they have, but they're going have another one and saddle the much younger brother with caring for it? What entitled AHs!
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I wonder who is watching the kid now that they're not on speaking terms. Clearly there were alternatives and they just enjoyed pawning the kid off on his uncle if they're managing just fine without him.
"Childish trips?" I think they meant *childless trips* - since that's what you can do when you don't have children and childcare expenses.
He's 4 and old enough for a preschool. He is probably acting out because he is bored and needs structured activities and other little kids to play with. Dropping him off at a home where someone is working is not going to help with that.
Yeah, I was thinking why isn’t that kid in school?
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people who think that their siblings, (or other relatives) are as much responsible for raising their kids as they are, make my want to punch them in the throat.
Agreed, or a nice kick in the pants.
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I think they took “it takes a village” literally. I have a brother and I wouldn’t dare dream of pawning my daughter onto him or feel entitled to it. My aunt watches her and I’m so grateful, but even then I know if she ever wants to quit I have no choice but to find alternatives. Yes it will suck, but it’s my responsibility bc it’s my child.
Agreed 💯! It's OK to need help, and even ask for it. It's not ok to be entitled and abusive of another's time and generosity.
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Unless you were literally in the bedroom creating that child when he was conceived, you have ZERO responsibility for him and ZERO obligation to provide childcare, let alone FREE childcare. And if they won't even take care of the child they have, why the h#ll are they having more???? Tell the whole of your family to f*ck off and go enjoy your life. It's yours.
hummm... what I see is this, you brother can't stand babysitting his son anymore so he took an office job with less pay so he don't have to babysit while working. Their moving to your city is probably for the same reason, your SIL parents don't want to help babysit anymore, babysitting their grandchild and babysitting their daughter, so they offload them to you. Just my two cents. NTA.
Wow that's a whole lot of crazy. Pulling his weight being an uncle haha. My sister chose not to have kids, she has barely ever even spoken to mine. Sure I'm disappointed they aren't interested in a relationship but it's their decision. I had kids not them. I would never ask or expect them to babysit. They don't like kids. I wouldn't want someone who didn't like kids to babysit my kids anyway
I will say this..going no contact with toxic people, even your own family, can be very liberating. When I cut off contact with my mother and brothers, my life started going up by leaps and bounds because I no longer had that anchor dragging me down. I know that some families regard children as very important...but we also live in a very overpopulated world. If your Bro and SIL's joy comes from having children, GREAT! But they have to accept all the responsibility that comes with it and not go shoving it off on others. Enjoy your monthly vacations with your girlfriend. I just want to know where you work so I can get that kind of time off...LOL.
It may have seemed "obscene" to some, but I quite enjoyed the "not my fault you f***** without a condom" comment. It is nothing if not painfully true. NTA
I thought it was funny too. He did over react a bit but it was a hilarious comment.
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this sucks. hate toxic family. kind of dealing with toxicity in my family as well. the thought of going no contact with them brings a lot of peace to me mentally
You should do it. I did a few years ago and regret not doing it 20 years ago. You learn who you are as a person and can focus on being a better person without the toxicity, anger and resentment constantly hanging over you. It does bring you peace.
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Just for safety change your locks. And maybe consider if ur renting an apt into moving an not telling them. Very abusive to assume ur the babysitter and then demand $ for day care. And to be having a second kid too?!? Yeah they need to go mooch somewhere else. And ur bro needs to grow a set an learn how condoms work and parenting. Along w a job to support that mess.
Exactly. They lived with SIL's parents for 2 years and didn't save a penny? The entitlement and audacity is disgusting.
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My partner's family did this to us for years. Guess who got the favor returned when they had kids? Definitely not me and my partner, that's for sure.
Exactly. Families like this never return the fsvor. OP is clearly the scapegoat and black sheep of the family and everything is always their fault. It's just not worth maintaining a relationship with people like that. You not only do all the work, it's demanded of you.
Load More Replies... This child is most certainly not the OP's responsibility, nor should OP be coerced into forking over any money to care for said child. Seems that the brother and SIL are lucky OP isn't like the OP of a different post who reported the kids left at their house as "abandoned," due to family demanding childcare. This is all sorts of bad, and I would immediately go no-contact permanently. Also, the "planning on having a daughter" line made me chuckle, since that's not how it works at all. 🤣 Though, I have to wonder if jealousy may have also been a reason for them to move where OP lives...because it seems the brother, and more-so, the SIL are upset by OP being able to go on vacations when they decided to settle down and have kids. Stuff like this makes me glad I live so far from my own family, haha.
The idea that they want a daughter makes me wonder if they consider their first born son an "accident". So...what, they just keep going until they get a girl? Poor kid, if that's the case.
Load More Replies... Even for asian this is outrageous. The audacity to ask money for the day care is infuriating. He better moves to another city
Why tf should you pay for their brats childcare. You are the UNCLE you are better off changing your number and blocking them all on your social media. Let golden balls and his mouth piece of a wife look after their own child or here's a novel idea let the mouthy grandparents mind him. Not your responsibility. You enjoy your trip with gf. Put yourself first and not your toxicfamily.
No, as a grandmother and mother no, you are not the a-hole. I chose to give up my job to be a caretaking grandma, five days a week and no pay. It was my choice, I thought that is what I wanted, forgetting about lunch wars, potty training and all that work that comes with keeping a child alive. Yes, they are cute and darling but mostly they are work. if you don’t have a say on the values that child will grow with or if you weren’t part of the planning on making that child, they are not your responsibility. And your home doesn’t need to be child proof and they need to stand on their own. They want to add another child while they can’t afford the first; they need to grow up and smell reality.
So the parents of the child refuse to look after said child, refuse to sic him on other family members for babysitting duties, refuse to pay for childcare in any sense themselves, and get rabid at the idea that OP has a life of his own, and intends to spend the days how he wants to. So...is it safe to assume they would just do this with their hypothetical daughter, as well? Just dump her on OP, I mean? Goodness, it's good for OP AND the kid that OP and the parents aren't on speaking terms. If he kept looking after the kid, the parents might have just forgotten what he looked like, leaving him at the uncle's as often as they did.
They already planned on doing the same with their potential daughter. The SIL was telling OP to get rid of some furniture that the boy could get hurt on, and then mentioned that he should babyproof his house because they were planning on a daughter. I do think that OP forcing them to find other daycare is good in so many ways (boundaries, learning responsibility, dinging their sense of entitlement), but the nephew possibly having to go to daycare may be one of the best things. He needs to be around other kids and adults who have authority over him and won't cave to tantrums. He needs to learn appropriate behaviors, and a daycare or preschool setting are good for that.
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I can't wrap my mind around this and how his family says he needs to stop his childish trips and pull his weight as an Uncle. WTF? At 4 years old, that demon child [as OP called him] should be in pre-school so nobody needs to watch him. As a Mother of a young special needs child, I would never put my Son's responsibility on his older siblings or any one else for that matter! I'd go no contact for a while and go on that nice holiday with his girl and keep living his young, carefree CHILD LESS life just fine. He deserves to be happy and his nephew is NOT his responsibility. He did enough as it was to begin with..... NTA times 100! OP DO NOT LET YOUR CONTROLLING FAMILY GUILT YOU INTO DOING WHAT THEY WANT!
Preschool may not be an viable option. He may not be fully potty trained (there are many reasons why a 4yr old may not be), and most preschools will not take a 4yr old in a pull up unless they have disabilities or a medical reason. Also, our school-run (free) preschools are only half day, so the parents will need to find someone to watch him the rest of the day (and likely drop him off and pick him up from preschool as well). So they may have no option other than expensive daycare or to find someone else to mooch off. They should certainly plan on daughter way off into the future.
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I would never expect my family to drop everything to watch my kid. It was my husband and my choice and only ours. I cannot even believe some people are like this.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, the "responsibilities" of an aunt or uncle to a child begin and end at not being s****y at family gatherings. Everything else is a gift, and anyone who says different is entitled as hell.
Obviously they was talking about moving there and how hard it was going to be with childcare. A lot of people says it's expensive to live in California. My cousin and her fiance was able to do it they had great jobs and no kids. They retired and moved to Las Vegas where their money goes farther. So if they was talking about how expensive daycare will be I am sure his parents stated how his brother can help out since he's out there and has money. Her parents probably than jump in and supported the idea. I am so over how family thinks it's okay to use their love ones it's sad.
I have been a child care provider for 14 years, personally, I disagree with how you spoke to your family members, but you are spot in. Children deserve the experience of schedule, routine and consistency in their daily lives. They should come first and learning and play is what they need. Not a bunch of grownups working from home and juggling them around. Parents need a plan for childcare, no matter if it's out of the house or paying someone else to do it. Our parents raised us, don't their children deserve the same. Sad that all these young adults think they are entitled to disrupt other people's lives for themselves.
Wow. Its good he apologized for demon comment. As for the rest i would be just as pissed as him. How he spends his time and money is not their concern. They seem to think.their responsibilities are his responsibilities and nothing could be further from the truth. To pass judgment on how he spends the money he earns and the gall to demand he pay for childcare is infuriating. They have major boundary issues that have probably never been addressed. Definitely nta.
NTA. You owe your family nothing. You helped them because you are kind , however they are opportunistic and don't respect you. They can barely support having Kyle and they are planning for more kids??? At your expense? Crazy! Both set of grandparents need to start sending them money before they gang up on you. Very toxic family dynamics. So sorry you are going through this.
Please pull you weight, by telling them to solve there own child's issue and take care of him themselves. You have spend days weeks taking care of him, welcome to America, where is my compensation b***h? My compensation is two weeks of uninterrupted vacation while you take care of your child. Next child sitting however must be payed in advance and the rate due to previous observed behaviour has been quadrupled.. end.
It's nice that this forum helped this poor guy to not feel guilty for making an inevitable decision. Maybe in his culture hus family expects him to give up his life for the favors brother but the SIL is American he said and it sounds as if she just wants a free slave and apparently her parents feel equally entitled. The topper "OH by the way your having a daughter, "Uncle!".
When my sister was struggling as a single mother (ex had a problem with the nose candy), I took care of my then five-month-old nephew. At the time, I was also taking care of two preschoolers for some friends. Why? Because my sister needed the help, and she ASKED, not demanded or expected my help. OP was being seriously used and abused by his SIL and family. It's his DUTY?! Definitely NTA for walking away from this dumpster fire.
The only reason to maintain contact with these toxic, entitled family members is if the OP is a glutton for punishment. None of the families "arguments" were remotely justified. The OP is nothing more than a door mat to these people. "The least you could do is pay for daycare..." What world are these family members on??? What do you need them for if this is how they treat you????
Why do so many parents seem to think their kids are at least partially someone else's responsibility? Unless someone is given custody, they are only responsible if and when they agree to it.
imagine if uncle continued to watch over Kyle and then after sometime uncle could become a more important figure for Kyle than his own parents XDDD
Sounds pretty wholesome! Too bad the whole situation sounds as infuriating as it does.
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Holy hell, I have second hand embarrassment for that entitled SIL. I feel bad for the kid, too! He's obviously bored and in need of both structured activities and peers. Most preschoolers would become chaotic if they hung out with their busy adult uncle 3 days a week, in a home not meant for kids. His parents are insufferable. I bet he'll enjoy daycare.
I ended up running away from home when I was about 12 because, as the eldest, it was expected that I be "junior Mom" to my brother and 2 sisters. I didn't mind the occasional babysitting, but full on parenting was not my job - I was on the debate team, played soccer and was on the cheer squad, all while maintaining an A average. I was literally arrested and was put in juvenile detention and made to see a counselor. When I explained the situation and that I had told my mother very clearly that I was tired of being her nanny all hell broke loose. I ended up going to live with my Dad, where I was treated as an actual person and not a staff member.
You can't shut them up but you can--must--shut them down and shut them off. No contact. No responses. Clearly two full sets of grandparents aren't willing to pull their weight.
Your sister-in-law's expectations of you babysitting while "working" from home is asking a lot. Kyle is their child. Therefore they need to figure it out. As for your family, tell them to babysit him. If you choose to spend time with Kyle that's different but insinuating you're responsible for their little creation is hilarious! I hope you take the vacation with your significant other and you have an awesome time. Don't worry, they'll still be there to fight with when you come back 😁 About boundaries, start setting some.
Whoa, "toxic" doesn't even begin to describe how bad the OP's family treats him. They obviously don't see him as an equal. I think he should shut them all out completely. There's no good that can come out of him continuing that relationship. If he doesn't, he'll be expected to take care of future nieces and nephews, aging parents, expenses, etc. He'll never be seen as an equal in their eyes
Are you sure that the reason they move to your city was Emma's dream job? It sounds like they moved to your city when they found out she was pregnant with a plan to use you as their babysitter.
I would've said no from the start! Especially since that "demon child" isn't yours. Life is too short they could've been mad at me all they wanted but if they make kids they should've been able to properly care for them. This sense of entertainment is crazy. I wish a m**o would try this with me what nerve! Now as far as the rest of the family goes they can watch them since they had so much to say about it. Just because you're an uncle doesn't make you an automatic free baby sitter. You continue to live your life OP go on your trips with your girlfriend have as much fun as you can also cut those toxic people off
100% not your responsibility. You were doing way too much in the first place and just because someone works from home, they are still working. They need to find daycare.
You're definitely NTA, you were being taken advantage of. The grandparents can be free babysitters
NTA They not only wanted to dump this child on you but not pay for day care. It's not your responsibility to raise their children. It's theirs! Helping out is one thing but they are using you! Tell grandma and grandpa it's their responsibility more than yours and that none of them have any right to use you and rule your life! Make other arrangements for their child's care and back off! They are over expecting and being obnoxious jerks about it!
I'd like to know why neither set of grandparents aren't paying for childcare?? I get that none of them live in the state (or country) and therefore can't babysit in person, but last I checked, PayPal, Venmo, and all sorts of other ways to transfer money from one person to another are still up any running. So why is Uncle expected to pay for childcare when the grandparents can help chip in?? For me personally, one of the best things about being an adult is being able to choose who I want to be part of my "family". Biological relations are only important if you need an organ desperately AND your biological relatives didn't crawl out of a toxic swamp. Otherwise, choose your family members based on who supports you with genuine love, respect, and kindness, not out of familial obligation and guilt.
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Damn! What makes this even more infuriating is that the OP is the younger brother - by seven years. Cutting contact with an entire family can't be easy, but with people this toxic...
just...wow! i have had friends whose family & cultural backgrounds had the belief that family sacrifices all for family. while my family and i are close and the kids have never had a sitter that wasn't family, this arrangement was never demanded or expected and, when it couldn't be done then plans were altered. it's called boundaries. people are surprised to learn that my parents live on one side of me & my son on the other. but, we don't sit on each other doorstep & call before coming over. there have been weeks when we haven't seen each other other than waving from the driveway. we all have dogs and our pups see each other more than we do as we plan playdates for them a couple of times a week. when the pups come over they bring themselves so no humans involved other than to open/close gates or doors.
Boundaries. Iron-clad, non- negotiable, wrapped barbed wire if necessary BOUNDARIES. You do not babysit for them, and you don't let them guilt you into anything. If they want a relationship with you, they apologize to you for their selfishness and hey NEVER mention babysitting to you ever again. Same goes for the grandparents. Not your child, not your responsibility.
When I was little my grandfather watched me and my brother. My parents payed him, not as much as paying someone else but he was retired and he was lonely after loosing his wife a few years before I was born. We hung out all the time, I don’t know if my parents told him he was going to watch us but some of my best memories are growing up with him.
They way their family is trust me it's not just over there my family on my mom side is no different. Especially my mom, it's crazy I raised so many of my nieces and nephews. I was going to school at night twice a week. Sub. teacher at a headstart and was taking care of my daughter. My daughter was 6 and well behave my teacher let me bring her to class with me. My mom would offer to watch people's kids and than get up and leave in the morning leaving me with the babies. My job would call me in and I would have to turned down the offer. My mom was being paid to watch my family members babies but never wanted to take them with her. Wouldn't even offer me any money. My job was paying for my schooling too so I can become a regular teacher. Not going into work messes with the agreement I sign but my mom didn't care. She would cry and say well I have all these errands to run its too hard with a baby. She is in a car, I caught public transportation with these same babies and my daughter. So I
Contact the mother and told her she needs to find another person to watch her son because I can't I missing out on work. She was confused thinking my mom had her son. She was paying my mom. So that day when she picked him up she gave me the money my mom was heated. She told me to get out of her house. Dude i have my own home you asked me to stay here to help out with chores around the house and the older kids you have custody over. I am not the youngest I am the middle. 3rd born out of 6 2nd girl. 3g 3b in my family. The middle boy gets treated the same. He moved far away from them. The oldest g and b are complete screw up and my mom makes up excuses for their drug problems. The youngest g and b can't do no wrong even though they curse my mom out all the time. My daughter hated how people would just dropped their kids off at my house because my mom told them I said it was fine. She even moved my cousin and her 7 kids into my 2bdroom apartment until she found a place she left her
Load More Replies... Hope you had a great time on your trip. You are not their baby sitting service. Suggest to all of your critics that they pitch in for day car for Kyle and they all pitch in to help with their other expenses. I wonder how to long all of their generosity will last. You do not owe them anything. Continue to remember and acknowledge special occasions with cards or gift cards for the kids, but don't offer other help at this time. You can always reevaluate relationships in the future. Sometimes tough love is needed for the immature to grow up.
After they way they treated him, OP doesn't owe his family s**t. However, just never talk about a child that way to their parents. It's not their fault. You, at least, owe some civility and grace towards your nephew, even if the rest of family is awful. His parents and SIL's parents failed as parents and raised spoiled entitled beings . They produced those two, so if it's that important, they can pull their weight. Go enjoy your vacation.
He is a demon child and it is their fault. He was showing a MOUNTAIN of civility to the child by taking care of him THREE DAYS a week, every single week, and not complaining until it was breaking his back. The moment they DEMANDED he pay them for not watching their incorrectly raised child should speak volumes. That's why he told the parents and not the CHILD that he's a monster. He's what they created and they can go to h**l if they don't like it. If he really wanted to be civil to the child, maybe have child services take a look and see what they've created. They'll pay their own bills in a g*****n hurry I tell you what. That way his grandparents will have to step up and the child can be raised better. That would be ultimate civility. Not being nice and taking insults left and right out of earshot of the toddler. Makes you wonder how much they were yelling and screaming at him in front of the child. Not directing any anger or ire toward you, by the way. Bad parents suck.
Load More Replies... Communication goes a long a way. The parents of the child made assumptions, listened to the grandparents but never actually spoke properly to the brother about what is and isn't acceptable (for the brother). There was no proper communication. And frankly, he refers to biting his tongue, he could have spoken up earlier and knocked it on the head before he got so angry and should have communicated his feelings. Please note at no point in this am I saying the Uncle should be responsible for his nephew.
Trust me. Toxic families don't give a c**p a out communication. The scapegoat is slways the bad guy and always wrong.
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As the scapegoat in my family... dude should run fast and far. He'll never win. They'll never respect his boundaries. They see him as nothing but an extension of themselves, there to make their lives easier. No matter what he does, it'll never be enough and they'll demand more. He deserves to have his own life. Run, buddy, escape whilst you still can!
I was a lone parent for 6 years. My Mum baby sat for me one evening per week for me to have a break. If they lent me money, I repaid them. When I married my Hubby, I moved away. We had 3 more children In laws didn't baby sit due to number of grandchildren. No one has the right to expect other family members to help out with baby sitting. Ok in an emergency yes. Go enjoy yourself. If it comes to it, cut out your family
I have a niece and nephew, who know who I am but as they are not my kids, I've never been involved in their lives, this is how it should be. Kids are your responsibility not mine, I chose not to have them.
I had a young relative and he was told to help out a sibling. He answered said something similar to OP's. He didnt blank her and get her pregnant. Every one in the car quiet
Well if OP has children who will be expected to baby sit them? Every one is right about how he is being used. It seems to me that the couple moved expecting him to child sit. They should have moved to Wyoming. I hope that OP sticks to his decision and that he wont cave in to the guilt. No one respects his choices. I feel that he should live His life as he planned because youth and the things that it offers go by fast. Dont give in to family guilt. Move if you have to or stay and limit contact on your terms as long as they try to guilt you out. Good luck.
I had a previous "friend" that, once his gf and he started trying to "have a child to strengthen their relationship " started hinting to me that I'd be pretty well expected to help out (which, I was a dumbass and had covered for him a few times, kept him out of the worst of trouble, etc - he'd come to expect a supportsystem there) by sitting the kid, giving them precious time away, cash, whatever. I cut it off by going to one of their parties, and when they started in on their b******t hints, I just said "well, honestly, I'm not interested in investing time and money into any kid that I wasn't actively present for the conception. Besides, I could argue you both owe me a hell of a lot already - might wanna clear that up before you start trying to dig deeper into debt with me and presuming I'd be cool with it." beer bottles dropped, and I didn't bother staying to hear what happened - they can't try to argue with me if I'm not there. (Continued)
Conversely, now I have a friend - solid, stand-up guy, helped me out with bills a few times (without me needing to ask) and he and his wife just had their first - (I wasn't involved in this conception either) but I'd help them out any way I could, with a smile and a "pfft. If we bother settling up, it'll be later when s**t dies down" It's amazing how different it being a two way street makes it.
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It's nice when family are willing to help out. But ultimately the parents are responsible for taking care of their offspring. No one else.
NAH, your brother and SIL and your family all are for guilting you into being a full time babysitter with zero compensation or regard for your own life. Shame on them for being so selfish and unfair towards you and thinking that you revolve around them and have no life of your own when you do. They've taken advantage of your kindness and you were right to explode on your brother and SIL they are unbelievable. You were even the bigger person and tried to make amends with them but they sadly didn't think enough of you to reciprocate. Some people you can't be nice to and they are those people. I would go no contact with them and your parents and anyone else who has been unfair to you and has forgotten how much you've sacrificed to help them out. You have a life and deserve to live it so start doing that ASAP because if you don't care about yourself no one else will. Start living for you.
Why is it when people have kids they think everyone is supposed to do for them. You made them so take care of them.
Kyle has TWO parents and FOUR g'parents, aka SIX other adults that should be watching him and they put half of it on ONE person?!
You should be encouraged to reach out to family to seek help if you need it, it does take a village after all, but you should also respect your family when they say there are boundaries to be respect. How is such a basic concept of respect forgotten?
I am gay. After telling my family, e erything changed. Most of them expect Me to live according to what they believe. I can not doit. Most of my family are supportive but relationships ended or changed. I lost friends and family. At age 57, I look back and I am so glad that I lived my life how it was good for me! How dare they expect you to give up your own dreams so they get the life they want. Don't do it.You think there is resentment now,just wait to see how you feel years from.now when they have 3 haunted all their demands. You will feel robbed! Don't doi it!
You are so NTA. How dare they dictate your life. What the hell does being an uncle have to do with them IMPOSING and BULLYING their way into your life, trying to take it away from you. To hell with your whiny, simmering parents. What a piece of work they all are. And DON'T cancel your trip with your girlfriend. You put her first.
No matter what culture anyone is from, healthy relationships are reciprocal, that is both parties give and receive. In terms of time, energy, sometimes material goods, emotional support, etc. If only one person is giving, or being taken from, then the relationship is unhealthy. If one person wants to renegotiate the balance in a relationship and the other person resists, this is a strong sign that the resistor is already aware of the imbalance that has been operating in his favor. . . . And he he wants to continue enjoying the benefits without giving his fair share in the relationship. The more he protests and resists a renegotiation the more you can be sure he already knew that what he was doing was improper. This is almost always an unrescuable relationship. The easiest thing, emotionally, for someone to do in this situation is to get out as quickly and safely as possible.
Entitlement 101: first expect the world to revolve around you, secondly find people to turn the world around your axis. NTA
NTA get away stay away. You are being used, and the worst part is they don't care if you know that all they are interested in from you is what you can DO for them. I am so sorry you have a family like this. I would take your significant other on one of those trips and not come back.
Obviously, your parents don't seem to practice what they preach about "pulling your weight" They're the ones who should "pull their weight" by at least watching over Kyle; why should you have to forfeit any plans to travel just to appease your brother and SIL? This is unfair to you; Kyle may be your nephew but he's not your responsibility; If you were willing to watch him for maybe a few hours, they should pay you for the time you babysat him; but you have the right to your own life and it's not right for your parents, brother and SIL to make such an unfair imposition on you!
I can not understand how these people got away with using this man for free child care. These kinds of people are so toxic and shouldn't be having kids! Take care of your own child, it's the parents responsibility to figure it out. Wow.
It is all about managing expectations. When you help someone once it is being helpful, when you help them everyday it is your job. The OP made the mistake of not setting boundaries earlier, and then made a mistake of getting emotional. I would at this point work out how much free childcare you have provided ($150 per day is probably about right for California, but maybe go less than that) and put out a message apologizing for your harsh words, but when you are providing $1200+ of free childcare a month you got upset at being called selfish.
There's no comparison. Two privileged self-serving people to a working guy. I don't believe H&M were ever asked to babysit for W&K. H&M were expected to perform duties that was expected of a working royal. Why else give Harry money, he was expected to earn it.
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'Planning to have a daughter'? That's not how that works... They sound like they expect the universe to revolve around their wishes and everyone else are just side characters.
They're crying poverty and can't afford the kid they have, but they're going have another one and saddle the much younger brother with caring for it? What entitled AHs!
Load More Replies... I wonder who is watching the kid now that they're not on speaking terms. Clearly there were alternatives and they just enjoyed pawning the kid off on his uncle if they're managing just fine without him.
"Childish trips?" I think they meant *childless trips* - since that's what you can do when you don't have children and childcare expenses.
He's 4 and old enough for a preschool. He is probably acting out because he is bored and needs structured activities and other little kids to play with. Dropping him off at a home where someone is working is not going to help with that.
Yeah, I was thinking why isn’t that kid in school?
Load More Replies... people who think that their siblings, (or other relatives) are as much responsible for raising their kids as they are, make my want to punch them in the throat.
Agreed, or a nice kick in the pants.
Load More Replies... I think they took “it takes a village” literally. I have a brother and I wouldn’t dare dream of pawning my daughter onto him or feel entitled to it. My aunt watches her and I’m so grateful, but even then I know if she ever wants to quit I have no choice but to find alternatives. Yes it will suck, but it’s my responsibility bc it’s my child.
Agreed 💯! It's OK to need help, and even ask for it. It's not ok to be entitled and abusive of another's time and generosity.
Load More Replies... Unless you were literally in the bedroom creating that child when he was conceived, you have ZERO responsibility for him and ZERO obligation to provide childcare, let alone FREE childcare. And if they won't even take care of the child they have, why the h#ll are they having more???? Tell the whole of your family to f*ck off and go enjoy your life. It's yours.
hummm... what I see is this, you brother can't stand babysitting his son anymore so he took an office job with less pay so he don't have to babysit while working. Their moving to your city is probably for the same reason, your SIL parents don't want to help babysit anymore, babysitting their grandchild and babysitting their daughter, so they offload them to you. Just my two cents. NTA.
Wow that's a whole lot of crazy. Pulling his weight being an uncle haha. My sister chose not to have kids, she has barely ever even spoken to mine. Sure I'm disappointed they aren't interested in a relationship but it's their decision. I had kids not them. I would never ask or expect them to babysit. They don't like kids. I wouldn't want someone who didn't like kids to babysit my kids anyway
I will say this..going no contact with toxic people, even your own family, can be very liberating. When I cut off contact with my mother and brothers, my life started going up by leaps and bounds because I no longer had that anchor dragging me down. I know that some families regard children as very important...but we also live in a very overpopulated world. If your Bro and SIL's joy comes from having children, GREAT! But they have to accept all the responsibility that comes with it and not go shoving it off on others. Enjoy your monthly vacations with your girlfriend. I just want to know where you work so I can get that kind of time off...LOL.
It may have seemed "obscene" to some, but I quite enjoyed the "not my fault you f***** without a condom" comment. It is nothing if not painfully true. NTA
I thought it was funny too. He did over react a bit but it was a hilarious comment.
Load More Replies... this sucks. hate toxic family. kind of dealing with toxicity in my family as well. the thought of going no contact with them brings a lot of peace to me mentally
You should do it. I did a few years ago and regret not doing it 20 years ago. You learn who you are as a person and can focus on being a better person without the toxicity, anger and resentment constantly hanging over you. It does bring you peace.
Load More Replies... Just for safety change your locks. And maybe consider if ur renting an apt into moving an not telling them. Very abusive to assume ur the babysitter and then demand $ for day care. And to be having a second kid too?!? Yeah they need to go mooch somewhere else. And ur bro needs to grow a set an learn how condoms work and parenting. Along w a job to support that mess.
Exactly. They lived with SIL's parents for 2 years and didn't save a penny? The entitlement and audacity is disgusting.
Load More Replies... My partner's family did this to us for years. Guess who got the favor returned when they had kids? Definitely not me and my partner, that's for sure.
Exactly. Families like this never return the fsvor. OP is clearly the scapegoat and black sheep of the family and everything is always their fault. It's just not worth maintaining a relationship with people like that. You not only do all the work, it's demanded of you.
Load More Replies... This child is most certainly not the OP's responsibility, nor should OP be coerced into forking over any money to care for said child. Seems that the brother and SIL are lucky OP isn't like the OP of a different post who reported the kids left at their house as "abandoned," due to family demanding childcare. This is all sorts of bad, and I would immediately go no-contact permanently. Also, the "planning on having a daughter" line made me chuckle, since that's not how it works at all. 🤣 Though, I have to wonder if jealousy may have also been a reason for them to move where OP lives...because it seems the brother, and more-so, the SIL are upset by OP being able to go on vacations when they decided to settle down and have kids. Stuff like this makes me glad I live so far from my own family, haha.
The idea that they want a daughter makes me wonder if they consider their first born son an "accident". So...what, they just keep going until they get a girl? Poor kid, if that's the case.
Load More Replies... Even for asian this is outrageous. The audacity to ask money for the day care is infuriating. He better moves to another city
Why tf should you pay for their brats childcare. You are the UNCLE you are better off changing your number and blocking them all on your social media. Let golden balls and his mouth piece of a wife look after their own child or here's a novel idea let the mouthy grandparents mind him. Not your responsibility. You enjoy your trip with gf. Put yourself first and not your toxicfamily.
No, as a grandmother and mother no, you are not the a-hole. I chose to give up my job to be a caretaking grandma, five days a week and no pay. It was my choice, I thought that is what I wanted, forgetting about lunch wars, potty training and all that work that comes with keeping a child alive. Yes, they are cute and darling but mostly they are work. if you don’t have a say on the values that child will grow with or if you weren’t part of the planning on making that child, they are not your responsibility. And your home doesn’t need to be child proof and they need to stand on their own. They want to add another child while they can’t afford the first; they need to grow up and smell reality.
So the parents of the child refuse to look after said child, refuse to sic him on other family members for babysitting duties, refuse to pay for childcare in any sense themselves, and get rabid at the idea that OP has a life of his own, and intends to spend the days how he wants to. So...is it safe to assume they would just do this with their hypothetical daughter, as well? Just dump her on OP, I mean? Goodness, it's good for OP AND the kid that OP and the parents aren't on speaking terms. If he kept looking after the kid, the parents might have just forgotten what he looked like, leaving him at the uncle's as often as they did.
They already planned on doing the same with their potential daughter. The SIL was telling OP to get rid of some furniture that the boy could get hurt on, and then mentioned that he should babyproof his house because they were planning on a daughter. I do think that OP forcing them to find other daycare is good in so many ways (boundaries, learning responsibility, dinging their sense of entitlement), but the nephew possibly having to go to daycare may be one of the best things. He needs to be around other kids and adults who have authority over him and won't cave to tantrums. He needs to learn appropriate behaviors, and a daycare or preschool setting are good for that.
Load More Replies... I can't wrap my mind around this and how his family says he needs to stop his childish trips and pull his weight as an Uncle. WTF? At 4 years old, that demon child [as OP called him] should be in pre-school so nobody needs to watch him. As a Mother of a young special needs child, I would never put my Son's responsibility on his older siblings or any one else for that matter! I'd go no contact for a while and go on that nice holiday with his girl and keep living his young, carefree CHILD LESS life just fine. He deserves to be happy and his nephew is NOT his responsibility. He did enough as it was to begin with..... NTA times 100! OP DO NOT LET YOUR CONTROLLING FAMILY GUILT YOU INTO DOING WHAT THEY WANT!
Preschool may not be an viable option. He may not be fully potty trained (there are many reasons why a 4yr old may not be), and most preschools will not take a 4yr old in a pull up unless they have disabilities or a medical reason. Also, our school-run (free) preschools are only half day, so the parents will need to find someone to watch him the rest of the day (and likely drop him off and pick him up from preschool as well). So they may have no option other than expensive daycare or to find someone else to mooch off. They should certainly plan on daughter way off into the future.
Load More Replies... I would never expect my family to drop everything to watch my kid. It was my husband and my choice and only ours. I cannot even believe some people are like this.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, the "responsibilities" of an aunt or uncle to a child begin and end at not being s****y at family gatherings. Everything else is a gift, and anyone who says different is entitled as hell.
Obviously they was talking about moving there and how hard it was going to be with childcare. A lot of people says it's expensive to live in California. My cousin and her fiance was able to do it they had great jobs and no kids. They retired and moved to Las Vegas where their money goes farther. So if they was talking about how expensive daycare will be I am sure his parents stated how his brother can help out since he's out there and has money. Her parents probably than jump in and supported the idea. I am so over how family thinks it's okay to use their love ones it's sad.
I have been a child care provider for 14 years, personally, I disagree with how you spoke to your family members, but you are spot in. Children deserve the experience of schedule, routine and consistency in their daily lives. They should come first and learning and play is what they need. Not a bunch of grownups working from home and juggling them around. Parents need a plan for childcare, no matter if it's out of the house or paying someone else to do it. Our parents raised us, don't their children deserve the same. Sad that all these young adults think they are entitled to disrupt other people's lives for themselves.
Wow. Its good he apologized for demon comment. As for the rest i would be just as pissed as him. How he spends his time and money is not their concern. They seem to think.their responsibilities are his responsibilities and nothing could be further from the truth. To pass judgment on how he spends the money he earns and the gall to demand he pay for childcare is infuriating. They have major boundary issues that have probably never been addressed. Definitely nta.
NTA. You owe your family nothing. You helped them because you are kind , however they are opportunistic and don't respect you. They can barely support having Kyle and they are planning for more kids??? At your expense? Crazy! Both set of grandparents need to start sending them money before they gang up on you. Very toxic family dynamics. So sorry you are going through this.
Please pull you weight, by telling them to solve there own child's issue and take care of him themselves. You have spend days weeks taking care of him, welcome to America, where is my compensation b***h? My compensation is two weeks of uninterrupted vacation while you take care of your child. Next child sitting however must be payed in advance and the rate due to previous observed behaviour has been quadrupled.. end.
It's nice that this forum helped this poor guy to not feel guilty for making an inevitable decision. Maybe in his culture hus family expects him to give up his life for the favors brother but the SIL is American he said and it sounds as if she just wants a free slave and apparently her parents feel equally entitled. The topper "OH by the way your having a daughter, "Uncle!".
When my sister was struggling as a single mother (ex had a problem with the nose candy), I took care of my then five-month-old nephew. At the time, I was also taking care of two preschoolers for some friends. Why? Because my sister needed the help, and she ASKED, not demanded or expected my help. OP was being seriously used and abused by his SIL and family. It's his DUTY?! Definitely NTA for walking away from this dumpster fire.
The only reason to maintain contact with these toxic, entitled family members is if the OP is a glutton for punishment. None of the families "arguments" were remotely justified. The OP is nothing more than a door mat to these people. "The least you could do is pay for daycare..." What world are these family members on??? What do you need them for if this is how they treat you????
Why do so many parents seem to think their kids are at least partially someone else's responsibility? Unless someone is given custody, they are only responsible if and when they agree to it.
imagine if uncle continued to watch over Kyle and then after sometime uncle could become a more important figure for Kyle than his own parents XDDD
Sounds pretty wholesome! Too bad the whole situation sounds as infuriating as it does.
Load More Replies... Holy hell, I have second hand embarrassment for that entitled SIL. I feel bad for the kid, too! He's obviously bored and in need of both structured activities and peers. Most preschoolers would become chaotic if they hung out with their busy adult uncle 3 days a week, in a home not meant for kids. His parents are insufferable. I bet he'll enjoy daycare.
I ended up running away from home when I was about 12 because, as the eldest, it was expected that I be "junior Mom" to my brother and 2 sisters. I didn't mind the occasional babysitting, but full on parenting was not my job - I was on the debate team, played soccer and was on the cheer squad, all while maintaining an A average. I was literally arrested and was put in juvenile detention and made to see a counselor. When I explained the situation and that I had told my mother very clearly that I was tired of being her nanny all hell broke loose. I ended up going to live with my Dad, where I was treated as an actual person and not a staff member.
You can't shut them up but you can--must--shut them down and shut them off. No contact. No responses. Clearly two full sets of grandparents aren't willing to pull their weight.
Your sister-in-law's expectations of you babysitting while "working" from home is asking a lot. Kyle is their child. Therefore they need to figure it out. As for your family, tell them to babysit him. If you choose to spend time with Kyle that's different but insinuating you're responsible for their little creation is hilarious! I hope you take the vacation with your significant other and you have an awesome time. Don't worry, they'll still be there to fight with when you come back 😁 About boundaries, start setting some.
Whoa, "toxic" doesn't even begin to describe how bad the OP's family treats him. They obviously don't see him as an equal. I think he should shut them all out completely. There's no good that can come out of him continuing that relationship. If he doesn't, he'll be expected to take care of future nieces and nephews, aging parents, expenses, etc. He'll never be seen as an equal in their eyes
Are you sure that the reason they move to your city was Emma's dream job? It sounds like they moved to your city when they found out she was pregnant with a plan to use you as their babysitter.
I would've said no from the start! Especially since that "demon child" isn't yours. Life is too short they could've been mad at me all they wanted but if they make kids they should've been able to properly care for them. This sense of entertainment is crazy. I wish a m**o would try this with me what nerve! Now as far as the rest of the family goes they can watch them since they had so much to say about it. Just because you're an uncle doesn't make you an automatic free baby sitter. You continue to live your life OP go on your trips with your girlfriend have as much fun as you can also cut those toxic people off
100% not your responsibility. You were doing way too much in the first place and just because someone works from home, they are still working. They need to find daycare.
You're definitely NTA, you were being taken advantage of. The grandparents can be free babysitters
NTA They not only wanted to dump this child on you but not pay for day care. It's not your responsibility to raise their children. It's theirs! Helping out is one thing but they are using you! Tell grandma and grandpa it's their responsibility more than yours and that none of them have any right to use you and rule your life! Make other arrangements for their child's care and back off! They are over expecting and being obnoxious jerks about it!
I'd like to know why neither set of grandparents aren't paying for childcare?? I get that none of them live in the state (or country) and therefore can't babysit in person, but last I checked, PayPal, Venmo, and all sorts of other ways to transfer money from one person to another are still up any running. So why is Uncle expected to pay for childcare when the grandparents can help chip in?? For me personally, one of the best things about being an adult is being able to choose who I want to be part of my "family". Biological relations are only important if you need an organ desperately AND your biological relatives didn't crawl out of a toxic swamp. Otherwise, choose your family members based on who supports you with genuine love, respect, and kindness, not out of familial obligation and guilt.
Load More Replies... Damn! What makes this even more infuriating is that the OP is the younger brother - by seven years. Cutting contact with an entire family can't be easy, but with people this toxic...
just...wow! i have had friends whose family & cultural backgrounds had the belief that family sacrifices all for family. while my family and i are close and the kids have never had a sitter that wasn't family, this arrangement was never demanded or expected and, when it couldn't be done then plans were altered. it's called boundaries. people are surprised to learn that my parents live on one side of me & my son on the other. but, we don't sit on each other doorstep & call before coming over. there have been weeks when we haven't seen each other other than waving from the driveway. we all have dogs and our pups see each other more than we do as we plan playdates for them a couple of times a week. when the pups come over they bring themselves so no humans involved other than to open/close gates or doors.
Boundaries. Iron-clad, non- negotiable, wrapped barbed wire if necessary BOUNDARIES. You do not babysit for them, and you don't let them guilt you into anything. If they want a relationship with you, they apologize to you for their selfishness and hey NEVER mention babysitting to you ever again. Same goes for the grandparents. Not your child, not your responsibility.
When I was little my grandfather watched me and my brother. My parents payed him, not as much as paying someone else but he was retired and he was lonely after loosing his wife a few years before I was born. We hung out all the time, I don’t know if my parents told him he was going to watch us but some of my best memories are growing up with him.
They way their family is trust me it's not just over there my family on my mom side is no different. Especially my mom, it's crazy I raised so many of my nieces and nephews. I was going to school at night twice a week. Sub. teacher at a headstart and was taking care of my daughter. My daughter was 6 and well behave my teacher let me bring her to class with me. My mom would offer to watch people's kids and than get up and leave in the morning leaving me with the babies. My job would call me in and I would have to turned down the offer. My mom was being paid to watch my family members babies but never wanted to take them with her. Wouldn't even offer me any money. My job was paying for my schooling too so I can become a regular teacher. Not going into work messes with the agreement I sign but my mom didn't care. She would cry and say well I have all these errands to run its too hard with a baby. She is in a car, I caught public transportation with these same babies and my daughter. So I
Contact the mother and told her she needs to find another person to watch her son because I can't I missing out on work. She was confused thinking my mom had her son. She was paying my mom. So that day when she picked him up she gave me the money my mom was heated. She told me to get out of her house. Dude i have my own home you asked me to stay here to help out with chores around the house and the older kids you have custody over. I am not the youngest I am the middle. 3rd born out of 6 2nd girl. 3g 3b in my family. The middle boy gets treated the same. He moved far away from them. The oldest g and b are complete screw up and my mom makes up excuses for their drug problems. The youngest g and b can't do no wrong even though they curse my mom out all the time. My daughter hated how people would just dropped their kids off at my house because my mom told them I said it was fine. She even moved my cousin and her 7 kids into my 2bdroom apartment until she found a place she left her
Load More Replies... Hope you had a great time on your trip. You are not their baby sitting service. Suggest to all of your critics that they pitch in for day car for Kyle and they all pitch in to help with their other expenses. I wonder how to long all of their generosity will last. You do not owe them anything. Continue to remember and acknowledge special occasions with cards or gift cards for the kids, but don't offer other help at this time. You can always reevaluate relationships in the future. Sometimes tough love is needed for the immature to grow up.
After they way they treated him, OP doesn't owe his family s**t. However, just never talk about a child that way to their parents. It's not their fault. You, at least, owe some civility and grace towards your nephew, even if the rest of family is awful. His parents and SIL's parents failed as parents and raised spoiled entitled beings . They produced those two, so if it's that important, they can pull their weight. Go enjoy your vacation.
He is a demon child and it is their fault. He was showing a MOUNTAIN of civility to the child by taking care of him THREE DAYS a week, every single week, and not complaining until it was breaking his back. The moment they DEMANDED he pay them for not watching their incorrectly raised child should speak volumes. That's why he told the parents and not the CHILD that he's a monster. He's what they created and they can go to h**l if they don't like it. If he really wanted to be civil to the child, maybe have child services take a look and see what they've created. They'll pay their own bills in a g*****n hurry I tell you what. That way his grandparents will have to step up and the child can be raised better. That would be ultimate civility. Not being nice and taking insults left and right out of earshot of the toddler. Makes you wonder how much they were yelling and screaming at him in front of the child. Not directing any anger or ire toward you, by the way. Bad parents suck.
Load More Replies... Communication goes a long a way. The parents of the child made assumptions, listened to the grandparents but never actually spoke properly to the brother about what is and isn't acceptable (for the brother). There was no proper communication. And frankly, he refers to biting his tongue, he could have spoken up earlier and knocked it on the head before he got so angry and should have communicated his feelings. Please note at no point in this am I saying the Uncle should be responsible for his nephew.
Trust me. Toxic families don't give a c**p a out communication. The scapegoat is slways the bad guy and always wrong.
Load More Replies... As the scapegoat in my family... dude should run fast and far. He'll never win. They'll never respect his boundaries. They see him as nothing but an extension of themselves, there to make their lives easier. No matter what he does, it'll never be enough and they'll demand more. He deserves to have his own life. Run, buddy, escape whilst you still can!
I was a lone parent for 6 years. My Mum baby sat for me one evening per week for me to have a break. If they lent me money, I repaid them. When I married my Hubby, I moved away. We had 3 more children In laws didn't baby sit due to number of grandchildren. No one has the right to expect other family members to help out with baby sitting. Ok in an emergency yes. Go enjoy yourself. If it comes to it, cut out your family
I have a niece and nephew, who know who I am but as they are not my kids, I've never been involved in their lives, this is how it should be. Kids are your responsibility not mine, I chose not to have them.
I had a young relative and he was told to help out a sibling. He answered said something similar to OP's. He didnt blank her and get her pregnant. Every one in the car quiet
Well if OP has children who will be expected to baby sit them? Every one is right about how he is being used. It seems to me that the couple moved expecting him to child sit. They should have moved to Wyoming. I hope that OP sticks to his decision and that he wont cave in to the guilt. No one respects his choices. I feel that he should live His life as he planned because youth and the things that it offers go by fast. Dont give in to family guilt. Move if you have to or stay and limit contact on your terms as long as they try to guilt you out. Good luck.
I had a previous "friend" that, once his gf and he started trying to "have a child to strengthen their relationship " started hinting to me that I'd be pretty well expected to help out (which, I was a dumbass and had covered for him a few times, kept him out of the worst of trouble, etc - he'd come to expect a supportsystem there) by sitting the kid, giving them precious time away, cash, whatever. I cut it off by going to one of their parties, and when they started in on their b******t hints, I just said "well, honestly, I'm not interested in investing time and money into any kid that I wasn't actively present for the conception. Besides, I could argue you both owe me a hell of a lot already - might wanna clear that up before you start trying to dig deeper into debt with me and presuming I'd be cool with it." beer bottles dropped, and I didn't bother staying to hear what happened - they can't try to argue with me if I'm not there. (Continued)
Conversely, now I have a friend - solid, stand-up guy, helped me out with bills a few times (without me needing to ask) and he and his wife just had their first - (I wasn't involved in this conception either) but I'd help them out any way I could, with a smile and a "pfft. If we bother settling up, it'll be later when s**t dies down" It's amazing how different it being a two way street makes it.
Load More Replies... It's nice when family are willing to help out. But ultimately the parents are responsible for taking care of their offspring. No one else.
NAH, your brother and SIL and your family all are for guilting you into being a full time babysitter with zero compensation or regard for your own life. Shame on them for being so selfish and unfair towards you and thinking that you revolve around them and have no life of your own when you do. They've taken advantage of your kindness and you were right to explode on your brother and SIL they are unbelievable. You were even the bigger person and tried to make amends with them but they sadly didn't think enough of you to reciprocate. Some people you can't be nice to and they are those people. I would go no contact with them and your parents and anyone else who has been unfair to you and has forgotten how much you've sacrificed to help them out. You have a life and deserve to live it so start doing that ASAP because if you don't care about yourself no one else will. Start living for you.
Why is it when people have kids they think everyone is supposed to do for them. You made them so take care of them.
Kyle has TWO parents and FOUR g'parents, aka SIX other adults that should be watching him and they put half of it on ONE person?!
You should be encouraged to reach out to family to seek help if you need it, it does take a village after all, but you should also respect your family when they say there are boundaries to be respect. How is such a basic concept of respect forgotten?
I am gay. After telling my family, e erything changed. Most of them expect Me to live according to what they believe. I can not doit. Most of my family are supportive but relationships ended or changed. I lost friends and family. At age 57, I look back and I am so glad that I lived my life how it was good for me! How dare they expect you to give up your own dreams so they get the life they want. Don't do it.You think there is resentment now,just wait to see how you feel years from.now when they have 3 haunted all their demands. You will feel robbed! Don't doi it!
You are so NTA. How dare they dictate your life. What the hell does being an uncle have to do with them IMPOSING and BULLYING their way into your life, trying to take it away from you. To hell with your whiny, simmering parents. What a piece of work they all are. And DON'T cancel your trip with your girlfriend. You put her first.
No matter what culture anyone is from, healthy relationships are reciprocal, that is both parties give and receive. In terms of time, energy, sometimes material goods, emotional support, etc. If only one person is giving, or being taken from, then the relationship is unhealthy. If one person wants to renegotiate the balance in a relationship and the other person resists, this is a strong sign that the resistor is already aware of the imbalance that has been operating in his favor. . . . And he he wants to continue enjoying the benefits without giving his fair share in the relationship. The more he protests and resists a renegotiation the more you can be sure he already knew that what he was doing was improper. This is almost always an unrescuable relationship. The easiest thing, emotionally, for someone to do in this situation is to get out as quickly and safely as possible.
Entitlement 101: first expect the world to revolve around you, secondly find people to turn the world around your axis. NTA
NTA get away stay away. You are being used, and the worst part is they don't care if you know that all they are interested in from you is what you can DO for them. I am so sorry you have a family like this. I would take your significant other on one of those trips and not come back.
Obviously, your parents don't seem to practice what they preach about "pulling your weight" They're the ones who should "pull their weight" by at least watching over Kyle; why should you have to forfeit any plans to travel just to appease your brother and SIL? This is unfair to you; Kyle may be your nephew but he's not your responsibility; If you were willing to watch him for maybe a few hours, they should pay you for the time you babysat him; but you have the right to your own life and it's not right for your parents, brother and SIL to make such an unfair imposition on you!
I can not understand how these people got away with using this man for free child care. These kinds of people are so toxic and shouldn't be having kids! Take care of your own child, it's the parents responsibility to figure it out. Wow.
It is all about managing expectations. When you help someone once it is being helpful, when you help them everyday it is your job. The OP made the mistake of not setting boundaries earlier, and then made a mistake of getting emotional. I would at this point work out how much free childcare you have provided ($150 per day is probably about right for California, but maybe go less than that) and put out a message apologizing for your harsh words, but when you are providing $1200+ of free childcare a month you got upset at being called selfish.
There's no comparison. Two privileged self-serving people to a working guy. I don't believe H&M were ever asked to babysit for W&K. H&M were expected to perform duties that was expected of a working royal. Why else give Harry money, he was expected to earn it.
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