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8
Mom Wants $12k Instead Of Sending Daughters To College, Gets A Harsh Reality Check
Parenting is all about making sacrifices, day in and day out. And it can be tough if you’re struggling financially, and you constantly have to make tradeoffs. As a parent, you might keep your kids fed and clothed, but you might still feel guilty about not giving them all the opportunities you wish you could. On top of that, you also dream of doing things for yourself, too.
One mom got a lot of flak online after revealing that she decided that she wants an expensive nose job, instead of using the money to set up her daughters’ college funds. This started a whirlwind of drama in her family. Scroll down for the full story and the internet’s emotional reactions to the sensitive topic.
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It’s important that you feel confident and good about yourself. However, your self-esteem depends on more than just superficial changes to your appearance
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
A financially-struggling mom shared how she wanted to get a nose job, instead of funding her two daughters’ college fund. Here’s her story
Image credits: Vitaly Gariev (not the actual photo)
Image source: vicvicmice
If money is tight and you’re forced to choose between something superficial for yourself and investing in your loved ones’ future, the answer should be obvious
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
It’s a tough situation to find yourself in when you feel that you constantly have to delay your hopes and dreams for the people you love. But, in a large way, that’s what parenting is all about. It’s about taking on the responsibility of always putting your kids first.
If your financial resources are particularly scarce, then you don’t have much flexibility to keep everyone happy. Someone will end up having to delay their goals.
To be clear, it’s important to feel confident about your looks and to like yourself for who you are. However, self-esteem goes beyond physical looks. Who you are as a person in terms of your values, behavior, and relationships matters far more.
When you’re forced to choose between doing something superficial and optional that will (allegedly) make you happy and ensuring your children’s education, the choice seems clear to most people. Most parents would probably sacrifice their needs for their kids’ brighter future. It feels like the right thing to do, wouldn’t you say?
You shouldn’t feel guilty about having other goals in life aside from being a parent. But you also need to be realistic about what you’ll have to prioritize over the upcoming years. Some dreams get delayed, but you fulfil other ones in the meantime.
This isn’t to say that parents should drive themselves to the brink of exhaustion, anxiety, and unhappiness every single day just to keep everyone else happy.
It’s absolutely vital that you prioritize your health (lots of exercise, good food, proper rest, etc.) so that you’re full of energy.
You can’t take care of your loved ones if you’re burned out and broken.
If you need help emotionally, financially, with the chores, etc., you have to communicate this to your partner and your kids.
Everyone needs a support network to thrive. And when you’re well-rested and fully present, everyone in your family wins.
That being said, parental burnout is an ever-present danger. You need to understand that prioritizing your physical and mental health isn’t selfish
Image credits: Monika Grabkowska (not the actual photo)
The Guardian reports that in some countries, like the United States, Poland, and Belgium, the rate of parental burnout rises to a whopping 8%. Meanwhile, research shows that a jaw-dropping 60% of parents don’t routinely do anything to relax and recharge.
The four main signs that you may have parental burnout include:
- Physical or emotional exhaustion, or both
- Feeling ashamed of your parenting, or thinking you’re not as good a parent as you used to be
- Feeling overwhelmed and tired of the role of a parent
- Feeling emotionally disconnected from your kids
The main things that parents can do to stay positive and avoid or reduce burnout include things like learning to be less critical of themselves, reframing their perception about self-care, focusing on small, big-impact steps, and asking for help.
“Research has shown parents who are kind to themselves and prioritise self-care have better overall health and wellbeing. They also feel more confident in their parenting skills and have more positive interactions with their children,” The Guardian explains.
Meanwhile, parents must understand that there is nothing selfish about taking care of their physical and mental health. And you don’t have to do anything flashy or big to feel better, either.
You can do things that take just a few seconds or minutes that help you feel more balanced. Do a bit of exercise. Go for a quick walk outside. Talk to a friend you care about. Intentionally slow down and do some breathing techniques. These small moments quickly add up.
In the meantime, your social circle, including your partner, family, and friends, should be on the lookout for signs of parental burnout and offer to help you even before you ask them for it.
We’d like to hear your thoughts, Pandas. What do you personally think the mom should have done about her nose job vs. college fund dilemma? If you’re a parent, how do you balance your wants and needs with those of your kids? What do you do to prevent parental burnout? Let us know what you think in the comments below.
The internet was ruthless. Many folks weren’t afraid to call the mom out. Here’s their take on the drama
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BeesEelsAndPups 1 month ago
My ex father in law grew up a poor black man in the South during Jim Crowe. He worked as a janitor for a police station his whole life. A really great guy, did everything he could for his kids. His daughter, my ex, worked her b**t off too, and with his help, got herself through law school. When her father passed away last year, he had saved $20K to help his only grandchild go to college. I had already put away $70K for him. Which at his state school is enough for. So instead, his mom is putting that money towards a payment for his first home. Something his grandfather never achieved. That is what investing in the future generations is for. I am an immigrant, and came here with no wealth, but my son will graduate from college with no debt, and have a headstart on life. This is how we build generational wealth.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
My ex's father did something similar for my ex and his sister - he grew up in very rural, very poor post-civil-war China. Worked his heiny off there, emigrated, worked his heiny off here (two jobs while attending school, ended up an engineer, STILL worked two other jobs while an engineer for Boeing.) This is ABSOLUTELY the way to do it, especially when you're doing it for your kids/grandkids. I'm sorry your son lost his grandpa last year, but sounds like he left a good legacy behind :)
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Child of the Stars 1 month ago
Yeah, why is this even a question? "I told my kids I can't afford non-essential extracurriculars for them, but I can afford to feed my ego." W*f?
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BeesEelsAndPups 1 month ago
My ex father in law grew up a poor black man in the South during Jim Crowe. He worked as a janitor for a police station his whole life. A really great guy, did everything he could for his kids. His daughter, my ex, worked her b**t off too, and with his help, got herself through law school. When her father passed away last year, he had saved $20K to help his only grandchild go to college. I had already put away $70K for him. Which at his state school is enough for. So instead, his mom is putting that money towards a payment for his first home. Something his grandfather never achieved. That is what investing in the future generations is for. I am an immigrant, and came here with no wealth, but my son will graduate from college with no debt, and have a headstart on life. This is how we build generational wealth.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
My ex's father did something similar for my ex and his sister - he grew up in very rural, very poor post-civil-war China. Worked his heiny off there, emigrated, worked his heiny off here (two jobs while attending school, ended up an engineer, STILL worked two other jobs while an engineer for Boeing.) This is ABSOLUTELY the way to do it, especially when you're doing it for your kids/grandkids. I'm sorry your son lost his grandpa last year, but sounds like he left a good legacy behind :)
Load More Replies... Child of the Stars 1 month ago
Yeah, why is this even a question? "I told my kids I can't afford non-essential extracurriculars for them, but I can afford to feed my ego." W*f?
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