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Discrimination at work comes in many forms. It can manifest through unfair hiring, during which certain groups are overlooked despite being qualified for the position; unequal pay, where individuals are compensated differently for the same job because of their gender, race, and other personal characteristics; or, as it was the case for Reddit user Cold_Market3393, being passed over for promotions.
A few days ago, the employee shared an earnest post, explaining that they were denied an advancement opportunity due to management’s bias towards parents and that it enraged them so much, they immediately took action.
RELATED:
This woman has spent the last 18 months as a temporary manager at her job
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / pexels (not the actual photo)
But when the time came, the promotion was given to her colleague
Image credits: Anastasia Shuraeva / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Cold_Market3393
According to Amii Barnard-Bahn, who is a partner at Kaplan & Walker and the CEO of Barnard-Bahn Coaching & Consulting, a leadership firm that helps C-suite executives become exceptional, typically, an employee’s readiness for a promotion is measured against these five areas of growth:
- Self-awareness: Your ability to accurately reflect on your behaviors, emotions, and attitudes. (How well do you understand your strengths and weaknesses? Are you aware of what you can learn or improve on?)
- External awareness: Your awareness about what impact you and your work have on others around you. (What feedback have you been given in the past about your work? How do others feel working with you? How strong are your relationships at work?)
- Strategic thinking: Your ability to understand the larger context you, your team, and your organization operate within. (What are the team’s top priorities and why? What are the business opportunities and constraints of the organization? How does your role remove obstacles and help achieve them?)
- Executive presence: Your ability to establish credibility and influence the people you work with. It includes gravitas, communication skills, and leadership. (Are you calm, cool, and decisive under pressure? How do you handle conflicts with peers? Have you been complimented on your clear, concise communication skills?)
- Thought leadership: Your knowledge and expertise in a particular domain. (What special knowledge and skills do you possess? How do you share these, inside and outside your company? How robust is your network?)
There’s no denying that promotion conversations can be tricky, but if the Redditor’s bosses disregarded all of this for the sole reason that she lacks a family, the immediate departure may have not been the worst move she could’ve made.
At a time when only 33% of employees are engaged at work, giving them an extra reason to feel undervalued is a straight path to high turnover.
Image credits: CoWomen / pexels (not the actual photo)
The story has received a lot of strong reactions and advice
Some even shared their own similar experiences
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What do you think ?
Chris Ulm 1 year ago
It sounds like she isn’t in the US (she calls them solicitors) but sadly most states in the US family status is not protected and this would be totally legal.
Load More Replies...
DB 1 year ago (edited)
That was a big reason I separated from the US Air Force in the late 80's. Single airmen were definitely discriminated against. Married people were paid more, just for being married. Duty schedules were often made to accommodate married people first giving them their shift preference. Single people were given extra duty so that married people could spend time with their families. This was especially true around holidays. Married people could live on base, but no one came into their private living areas without being invited, Single people living in a dorm or barracks could have their private living space inspected at any time. And finally, there was the suspicion that if you weren't married by a certain point in your career that you were gay.
Alexandra 1 year ago
You worked that job 1.5 years? Then it should be yours, that should have been a no-brainer. It makes no sense, to give the promotion to someone just because they have a family. If everyone did that, those who would like to start a family would never stand a chance of doing so! I'm not in the USA, but is this preferment of employees with families similar to earmarking a number of jobs for minorities? Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with having a family, but I am a strong believer that the person who is right for the job should get it, irrespective of race, cultural background, sexual orientation, hobbies, number of pets they have or whatever else is not important to the job. I'm sorry this happened to you; it must feel like a slap in your face. By all means, go to court and sue the pants off of them!
Josephine Blogs 1 year ago
I think the OP is from the UK which is scary. I didn't think UK companies would do that.
Load More Replies...
Vinnie 1 year ago
Heard similar rationale for not giving someone a raise: "You don't have a car, you don't have a house, you don't have a kid, therefore you don't need the money." She was paid minimum wage in an expensive city. As if the boss would give her enough extra to cover any of those extra expenses...
FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago
OP also probably missed out in opportunities because people thought she might have children soon and go on mat leave. I didn't get a promotion (sadly this was not in writing) because I moved in with my partner and the perception was we'd have kids soon, and it was less risky to go with someone who's kids were a bit older.
Iampenny 1 year ago
That sucks and would never happen to a man. How dare a company “perceive“ that you might have children, some women can't / don't want to have children, and even if they did, it doesn't mean that they are less qualified for the job (and please don't use maternity leave as an excuse)
Load More Replies...
Rabbit Of ill Portent(she/her) 1 year ago
How dare you not make yourself worthy of more money by not producing crotch spawns! Don't you know children are the only defining worth of women?! And if they're boys then hoo-lawdy that's a 25% bump in pay!! /s **smfh** that company can sit on it and rotate. Clean them the f*ck out, sis! I stand with you 🤘🏻❤️🔥♀️
Orysha 1 year ago
Make them fall hard! I hope they were stupid enough to add "if you were a single man with no child that wouldn't be an issue". I totally agree with the comment saying Act your wage. If someone asks you to do more, tell them you'll be happy to oblige if you get the money that comes with it and ask them to write it down.
Jay Cee 2 months ago
My (then) fiancee A and her friendly work colleague C (they still are friends 40 years later) were up for the same promotion. We were about to get married, she lived with her partner. C was given the promotion because A "was getting married and would no doubt be starting a family soon and leave". C fell pregnant a couple of months later and never returned to the job my wife and I didn't have our first daughter, by choice, until 8 years later!
Thomas51 9 months ago
My wife and I had been married for about a year when she and a good friend were both up for the same promotion. My wife's friend was living with her boyfriend but they had no plans to get married in the foreseeable future. The friend got the promotion because my wife "would probably be starting a family soon and leave". The friend became pregnant and decided not to return to work after the birth. My wife and I did not start a family for another 6 years (by choice). They are still good friends 30 years later and point out the follies of the world to the three daughters (2 of ours, 1 of the friend's)
Margie Stoll Tagmeyer 1 year ago
Just make sure you don't work in a Right To Work state Something having discrimination would be challengeable in that case wherever you live. I worked at a place for two years when they hired some guy making $2. more an hour than me. Why? He had a family and I didn't. In one way I support a company looking out for families, they have a lot of bills single people don't. And yet I felt slighted. I didn't quit, I verbally let them know. But I do get the reasoning. And as older than that time now I really get it.
Thanos'Fingers 1 year ago
That's not when you should feel slighted, that's when you should ask for a raise. Provided it's a position where past work experience does not come into play.
Load More Replies... Sophia Athene 1 year ago
Similar issues. I had to teach the earliest classes and the latest classes and was verbally told it was b/c I didn't have kids. I wish I knew then and what I know now and I would have gotten it in writing. I verbally complained it wasn't fair and the Christian card got played (I am Xn and had this happen at 2 Xn universities) and more. "Wouldn't Christ want us to help each other? If you want to teach here full time, you need to show commitment. To receive a good recommendation, you need to show collegiality."
Guess Undheit 1 year ago
Women used to be discriminated against for promotions because "they'll have babies and quit". Now they're being discriminated against for NOT having kids. The problem in both cases is the same, males with d***s trying to swing them in women's faces.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
Back before there were anti-discrimination laws, my mother worked for a large insurance company. She was rising quite nicely until she applied for a promotion and was told "Sorry, mam, but we've promoted you as high as we promote a woman." She immediately gave her two weeks notice (she needed that money) and made the next two weeks more interesting for management than any one there could have imagined.
Fox with a Dragon Tattoo 1 year ago
At least the p.o.s. in charge was dumb enough to email proof of their incompetence and discrimination.
catastrophegirl 1 year ago
so absurd. the OP sounds like they are from the UK so i don't know the laws there but i hope they have recourse. it's never for your employer to decide to pay you based on your expenses because they never know the whole story. i don't have kids but i do have multiple chronic illnesses that can get very expensive. i have EXCELLENT health insurance and my first prescription copay every year is around $1500.00. if my employer paid or promoted me based on that need they'd be discriminating against a healthy person who didn't get the same compensation for work of the same value. employment compensation and status should only be based on your work quality, meeting standards and goals, etc. job related things. having/not having a family or being medically expensive/healthy or being queer/straight are not job related and shouldn't factor into job things.
Scott Rackley 1 year ago
Which is why my previous and my current employer have no idea if I'm married or have kids. It's none of their business, but I have used hints (usually about my nieces and nephews) that led them to believe I might have some.
Mjskywalk 1 year ago
Unfortunately for OP not all discrimination is actually illegal. Not a lawyer or anything, but I think she might be disappointed. I assume she’s not in the US, so maybe the laws are more favorable where she lives. However, in the US she would likely be up a creek without a job.
Thanos'Fingers 1 year ago
Even in the backwards ole US of A, asking about marital status or number of children during the hiring process can be considered discrimination and violate Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. This is especially true if the questions are used to deny or limit employment opportunities, such as is the case here. Due to the expressly worded email received regarding her promotion status, any employment lawyer would likely see this as a slam dunk discrimination case.
Load More Replies...
Candace Taylor 1 year ago
I love everybody telling her to take legal action. It won't work. All they have to say it was between her and the woman with kids and they decided to give it to the woman because she had kids there's nothing discriminatory about that they have every right to make any decision they choose it's their business
Ginger Winters 1 year ago
It's not a he said she said when OP literally has the email where they flat out stated they passed OP over because she didn't have kids
Load More Replies... Chris Ulm 1 year ago
It sounds like she isn’t in the US (she calls them solicitors) but sadly most states in the US family status is not protected and this would be totally legal.
Load More Replies... DB 1 year ago (edited)
That was a big reason I separated from the US Air Force in the late 80's. Single airmen were definitely discriminated against. Married people were paid more, just for being married. Duty schedules were often made to accommodate married people first giving them their shift preference. Single people were given extra duty so that married people could spend time with their families. This was especially true around holidays. Married people could live on base, but no one came into their private living areas without being invited, Single people living in a dorm or barracks could have their private living space inspected at any time. And finally, there was the suspicion that if you weren't married by a certain point in your career that you were gay.
Alexandra 1 year ago
You worked that job 1.5 years? Then it should be yours, that should have been a no-brainer. It makes no sense, to give the promotion to someone just because they have a family. If everyone did that, those who would like to start a family would never stand a chance of doing so! I'm not in the USA, but is this preferment of employees with families similar to earmarking a number of jobs for minorities? Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with having a family, but I am a strong believer that the person who is right for the job should get it, irrespective of race, cultural background, sexual orientation, hobbies, number of pets they have or whatever else is not important to the job. I'm sorry this happened to you; it must feel like a slap in your face. By all means, go to court and sue the pants off of them!
Josephine Blogs 1 year ago
I think the OP is from the UK which is scary. I didn't think UK companies would do that.
Load More Replies... Vinnie 1 year ago
Heard similar rationale for not giving someone a raise: "You don't have a car, you don't have a house, you don't have a kid, therefore you don't need the money." She was paid minimum wage in an expensive city. As if the boss would give her enough extra to cover any of those extra expenses...
FreeTheUnicorn 1 year ago
OP also probably missed out in opportunities because people thought she might have children soon and go on mat leave. I didn't get a promotion (sadly this was not in writing) because I moved in with my partner and the perception was we'd have kids soon, and it was less risky to go with someone who's kids were a bit older.
Iampenny 1 year ago
That sucks and would never happen to a man. How dare a company “perceive“ that you might have children, some women can't / don't want to have children, and even if they did, it doesn't mean that they are less qualified for the job (and please don't use maternity leave as an excuse)
Load More Replies... Rabbit Of ill Portent(she/her) 1 year ago
How dare you not make yourself worthy of more money by not producing crotch spawns! Don't you know children are the only defining worth of women?! And if they're boys then hoo-lawdy that's a 25% bump in pay!! /s **smfh** that company can sit on it and rotate. Clean them the f*ck out, sis! I stand with you 🤘🏻❤️🔥♀️
Orysha 1 year ago
Make them fall hard! I hope they were stupid enough to add "if you were a single man with no child that wouldn't be an issue". I totally agree with the comment saying Act your wage. If someone asks you to do more, tell them you'll be happy to oblige if you get the money that comes with it and ask them to write it down.
Jay Cee 2 months ago
My (then) fiancee A and her friendly work colleague C (they still are friends 40 years later) were up for the same promotion. We were about to get married, she lived with her partner. C was given the promotion because A "was getting married and would no doubt be starting a family soon and leave". C fell pregnant a couple of months later and never returned to the job my wife and I didn't have our first daughter, by choice, until 8 years later!
Thomas51 9 months ago
My wife and I had been married for about a year when she and a good friend were both up for the same promotion. My wife's friend was living with her boyfriend but they had no plans to get married in the foreseeable future. The friend got the promotion because my wife "would probably be starting a family soon and leave". The friend became pregnant and decided not to return to work after the birth. My wife and I did not start a family for another 6 years (by choice). They are still good friends 30 years later and point out the follies of the world to the three daughters (2 of ours, 1 of the friend's)
Margie Stoll Tagmeyer 1 year ago
Just make sure you don't work in a Right To Work state Something having discrimination would be challengeable in that case wherever you live. I worked at a place for two years when they hired some guy making $2. more an hour than me. Why? He had a family and I didn't. In one way I support a company looking out for families, they have a lot of bills single people don't. And yet I felt slighted. I didn't quit, I verbally let them know. But I do get the reasoning. And as older than that time now I really get it.
Thanos'Fingers 1 year ago
That's not when you should feel slighted, that's when you should ask for a raise. Provided it's a position where past work experience does not come into play.
Load More Replies... Sophia Athene 1 year ago
Similar issues. I had to teach the earliest classes and the latest classes and was verbally told it was b/c I didn't have kids. I wish I knew then and what I know now and I would have gotten it in writing. I verbally complained it wasn't fair and the Christian card got played (I am Xn and had this happen at 2 Xn universities) and more. "Wouldn't Christ want us to help each other? If you want to teach here full time, you need to show commitment. To receive a good recommendation, you need to show collegiality."
Guess Undheit 1 year ago
Women used to be discriminated against for promotions because "they'll have babies and quit". Now they're being discriminated against for NOT having kids. The problem in both cases is the same, males with d***s trying to swing them in women's faces.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
Back before there were anti-discrimination laws, my mother worked for a large insurance company. She was rising quite nicely until she applied for a promotion and was told "Sorry, mam, but we've promoted you as high as we promote a woman." She immediately gave her two weeks notice (she needed that money) and made the next two weeks more interesting for management than any one there could have imagined.
Fox with a Dragon Tattoo 1 year ago
At least the p.o.s. in charge was dumb enough to email proof of their incompetence and discrimination.
catastrophegirl 1 year ago
so absurd. the OP sounds like they are from the UK so i don't know the laws there but i hope they have recourse. it's never for your employer to decide to pay you based on your expenses because they never know the whole story. i don't have kids but i do have multiple chronic illnesses that can get very expensive. i have EXCELLENT health insurance and my first prescription copay every year is around $1500.00. if my employer paid or promoted me based on that need they'd be discriminating against a healthy person who didn't get the same compensation for work of the same value. employment compensation and status should only be based on your work quality, meeting standards and goals, etc. job related things. having/not having a family or being medically expensive/healthy or being queer/straight are not job related and shouldn't factor into job things.
Scott Rackley 1 year ago
Which is why my previous and my current employer have no idea if I'm married or have kids. It's none of their business, but I have used hints (usually about my nieces and nephews) that led them to believe I might have some.
Mjskywalk 1 year ago
Unfortunately for OP not all discrimination is actually illegal. Not a lawyer or anything, but I think she might be disappointed. I assume she’s not in the US, so maybe the laws are more favorable where she lives. However, in the US she would likely be up a creek without a job.
Thanos'Fingers 1 year ago
Even in the backwards ole US of A, asking about marital status or number of children during the hiring process can be considered discrimination and violate Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. This is especially true if the questions are used to deny or limit employment opportunities, such as is the case here. Due to the expressly worded email received regarding her promotion status, any employment lawyer would likely see this as a slam dunk discrimination case.
Load More Replies... Candace Taylor 1 year ago
I love everybody telling her to take legal action. It won't work. All they have to say it was between her and the woman with kids and they decided to give it to the woman because she had kids there's nothing discriminatory about that they have every right to make any decision they choose it's their business
Ginger Winters 1 year ago
It's not a he said she said when OP literally has the email where they flat out stated they passed OP over because she didn't have kids
Load More Replies... You May Like 49 People Expose The Most Terrible Coworkers Who Made Work More Miserable For All (New Pics) 40 Workplace Experiences That Made Employees Walk Away
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