Bride Asks If She’s A Jerk To Exclude Her Friend Who’s 2 Years Younger From Her “Childfree Wedding”, Gets A Reality Check
Nowadays, there are a million different ways to have a wedding. Your ceremony can take place on the beach or at the courthouse, there’s not as much pressure to dress in a specific way when you tie the knot, and most of us are more concerned about saving for the future or funding a lovely honeymoon than throwing an extravagant wedding. It’s completely up to the bride and groom what they want to do on their special day, and sometimes, that includes excluding children from the occasion.
However, it turns out that we don’t all have the exact same definition of what a “child” is. And as one bride on Reddit recently found out, she might be the minority in believing anyone under 21 is a kid… Below, you’ll find a story that this bride-to-be shared on the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit wondering if she was wrong for how she decided to go about preventing underage drinking at her wedding. Enjoy reading about this controversial situation, and then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article featuring drama surrounding a childfree wedding, look no further than right here!
After claiming that she wants a childfree wedding in order to prevent underage drinking, this bride is wondering if she was wrong for not inviting a friend
Image credits: Rawpixel (not the actual photo)
Image credits: BGStock72 (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/21wedding
For couples who don’t have kids, it’s completely normal to want to have a childfree wedding. At weddings, there’s often alcohol involved, loud music and lots of dancing, food that kids might not particularly enjoy, and nobody wants to worry about watching their language or having to cater to a screaming baby in the corner. Kids can have a great time at weddings where they’re welcome, but if that’s not the vibe the bride and groom want, that’s their decision to make. In fact, more and more couples have been opting for childfree celebrations in recent years.
The issue in this particular story is that it’s not actually about keeping the occasion childfree. The bride is well aware of the fact that her ‘friend’ is not a child. She’s twenty years old, and in most countries, eighteen years old is considered the age of an adult. If underage drinking is that big of a concern, there are surely other ways they could have prevented it, such as the bartender checking IDs and stamping anyone who is underage, or if it’s only this one specific person, they could have been informed not to serve her alcohol. It seems like there could have been much easier solutions than deciding not to invite a friend and dealing with all the subsequent drama that ensued.
It’s also hypocritical for this bride to claim that underage drinking is a huge issue for her, when she admitted that she had previously had alcohol with this friend before, when they were both underage. If she simply didn’t want this friend to be invited to the wedding, there’s no reason to make up a lie such as, “We want a childfree wedding,” when everyone knows that refers to children, not 20-year-olds. There are much better ways this bride could have handled wanting to not invite this friend to her wedding.
“Sometimes, you just don’t want certain people at your wedding,” Sarah Hanlon writes for The Knot. “You might not have a clear reason other than the fact that you’re not close or you don’t want them there. This conversation can be tricky if you and your S.O. aren’t the only ones paying for the wedding. Remember that if your parents or in-laws are contributing, it’s important to work together on crafting the guest list. If you find yourself in this situation where someone is pestering you about their invite, keep your response polite but firm.”
Sarah recommends explaining to this person that you’re keeping the wedding small due to budget or venue capacity, that you’re funding the wedding yourself and the more people invited the more expensive it becomes, or that you’re keeping the guest list limited to account for all of your family members. It’s not an easy conversation to have, but whatever the reason may be, it’s best to be as honest as possible, while still being sensitive to the fact that they might be upset. Calling someone a child and acting like they would be out of place at the wedding is not exactly the most delicate way to go about it…
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Did you have any drama with friends or family members when wedding planning? Feel free to share your personal stories, and then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article featuring wedding day drama, you can find that right here!
Readers gave the bride a harsh reality check in the replies, explaining that her friend is not a child
What gets me is the double standard. When she was 20, underage drinking was acceptable. Now that she's 22, she has a "responsibility" to prevent underage drinking.
The hypocrisy is strong in this one. Also, her friend can just fly to just about any other country to be able to legally drink. If she is so concerned about it why doesn’t she just tell her friend that she doesn’t want her to drink at the wedding?
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She can come to your next wedding. I doubt this one will last since it’s apparently you’re too immature to be married let alone plan a wedding. You don’t even know what “child free” means.
You are, of course, under no obligation to invite to your wedding anyone if you don't want to see them there, but it's a d**k move to exclude one of your friends just because she's slightly younger than you(and also considered adult in most countries). YATA and a s****y friend.
As someone who was a year younger than most of my friends in college and was never invited to things after they all turned 21 because all they cared about was going to bars, OP is a full on a*****e. Did you know that not everyone’s priority at the reception is getting drunk? I basically lost my friends once they all turned 21 because they were suddenly “adults” who could legally drink in public, as if that’s the real sign of maturity and adulthood 🙄 Legal drinkers get just as messy and sloppy as underage drinkers (ask me about my sister’s wedding 😬) so not sure why OP is so worried about Mel’s behavior.
Sounds like you were probably better off without them in the end.
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Bollocks. 21+ is not the same thing as a child free event, and conspicuously odd when you’re only 22 and still have friends under 21. She is not being honest about something.
She is coming across as a very immature child pretending to be an adult. I don't have a lot of faith in her ability to handle marriage.
So she doesn't know that cutoff for "children" is actually 18 not 21 since 18 is an adult??? She is definitely the AH
When i studied youth work you were considered a child until 12yrs then a young person until 25yrs. So I guess technically she's in the same age group as her mate. She's a jerk
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I got married at 28 and still did not really feel like I was old enough
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She’s old enough to vote and serve in the military so hardly a child. The one who lacks maturity is OP.
Even the idea that a person must be 18 to attend a child-free wedding is silly. The point is for them to not interrupt the ceremony, not to operate heavy machinery. There's no reason it has to follow the legal definition of adult, lol.
Exactly! I went to a “childfree wedding” when I was 15 and it went fine, I didn’t bother anyone. I think it has to be on a child by child basis as everyone matures differently
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Mel needs a new friend. If no one in the friend group stood up for Mel to you, Mel needs a new group of friends. This is beyond childish.
Yeah, I feel like the rest of the friend group should have helped check the OP. It's supposedly a day to share with people you feel close to, and who the hell goes from underage drinking to underage drinking isn't acceptable the second they are legal age. Sounds like a major excuse to finally shake their "friend" from the group under the guise of moral righteousness
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As someone from a country where drinking age is 16-18, this OP is just an a*****e and nothing else
Girl, go sit down somewhere and reevaluate getting married. You aren't mature enough. Your double standard of "it's ok because I was underage too," versus "I'm an adult and have responsibilities" is so gross. Your friend is 20 and not a child. YOU, however, need to try to be more of an adult. You know what would be more "adult"? Thinking before your open your mouth.
"Bride asks if she's a jerk..." What's the percentage of "yes" answers to these? 98%?
I think you're asking about an aggregate of all AITA posts by brides. There's probably at least 5% of instances where the MIL is pulling some nonsense and the bride just needed some reassurance, but yeah; usually it's a bridezilla situation.
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This just highlights how bizarre it is that the drinking age is 21 in the US. It's 18 in the UK, and in many countries such as Germany and Belgium It's younger than that (16). If you're old enough to leave school, vote, have sex, get married, drive a car and join the military then you're old enough to make your own choices regarding alcohol.
I can't think of any other country that has a 21 drinking age besides the States. Every other western country its 18 max.
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This is so ridiculous that I find it hard to believe anyone would wonder if they are the a*****e.
Right? She comes across like such a sanctimonious bltch.
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Bridezilla's wedding is all about alcohol? Her entire event is centered around everybody drinking??? Maybe she should exclude any alcoholics and non-drinkers she knows too, that way her entire reception can get soused together. If you need to be rip roaring drunk to have fun at your wedding, you have a problem. N
I would be so pissed if my friend said I couldn't go because the wedding is "child free". 20 years old. Condescending as hell
It seems like at this point so many of these are just people making stuff up for the fun of it. I wonder if these stories are even really true, or are people just posting them for attention?
It sure seems fake, only because we'd like to believe that someone couldn't possibly be so lacking in objectivity and self-awareness. The sad truth is people can get WAY worse than this bride, and the post is probably authentic. Sorry :C
Load More Replies... I got married at 22 and was definitely waaayyy too young. Got divorced at 25. Learnt my lesson.
20 is not a child. Bartenders card people. Grow up and a) just tell Mel why she really isn't invited, if you have an actual reason, b) Own your lack of reason, and tell Mel and everyone else that she isn't invited because you just don't like her. or c) Suck it up, apologise for being b****y and condescending, and tell her of course she's invited.
As someone who's 22, about a month to be 23, that's ridiculous. OP is closer in age to her friend than I'm to my partner (3 years gap) and he's never even brought up our ages in any way let alone treat me like a child. OP reminds me a girl I studied with, she'd always play with me and other kids during recess. One day after she turned 11 (I was 10), I asked if she'd play with us that day, she said she couldn't play now that she was no longer a child.
If we want to get technical she isn't even allowed at her own wedding as she is a child of her parents. Child free wedding tends to aim for prepubescent under 10ish. But still the national age of adulthood is 18 so regardless she's just being stupid and ugh idk she's just gross. Sadly she probably wants kids in the future and imagine her as a parent.
And heres me remembering all the wedding i went to as a "kid" and all them had alcohol and......it was fine
It's almost like all wedding venues require licensed bartenders for serving alcohol.
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But Mel is not really your friend, is she, this whole post is ridiculous
The legal drinking age in my country is 18, because you're adult as 18
Invite everyone. Let your professional servers handle the legal age drinking. Aside from Mel, you dont want that flowergirl to get hammered...
I get that you'll be at a public venue but that's why they have bartenders check id, duh... you're a hypocrite and mel is better off without you as a friend. Were you this much of a b***h to her growing up??
When I was 10-12 I went to three different weddings all with alcohol and it was completely fine. Heck even my cousins who were 16-18 we're there with there parents.
Who died and made this b**** the queen of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms? Invite this girl and maybe gently remind her she may get carded.
Don't forget explosives! After all, this is sure to blow up in her face.
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What is all that about carding? It's not a public event. Or are you saying that even privately you cannot have your teenagers toast with you?! That is a real surprise.
Most states have exceptions for providing alcohol to a minor, but not all, and the circumstances in which it is allowed vary by state as well. If you scroll to the end of this website, it gives a general listing of some of the exceptions: https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/addiction/alcohol-laws#:~:text=In%2045%20states%2C%20laws%20allow,property%20without%20their%20parent's%20consent.
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Well OP gained a husband but lost a good friend. Hope you’re happy. Just invite Mel on your divorce party.
This post clearly shows that many people over 21 are only technically adults and truly still very immature. OP is a perfect example.
I definitely wouldn't have slandered her, but I most certainly would have stopped be friends with her. Mel must feel so s****y sitting at home looking at the social media posts of all of her friends having fun without her. I don't even drink and I'd feel insulted by the insinuation that I am somehow still a child and incapable of knowing I shouldn't drink. Bride is definitely the ah here
You're both acting like children but OP is @$$hole. Mel shouldn't be talking behind your back but OP started this whole fiasco being a bad friend and acting superior. I wondering if "The Church Lady" song will play at the wedding so OP can do her superior dance in front of everyone.
Have the bartender card her. Ask the bartender to serve her nonalcoholic beverages. Don't lose a friend over this, but allow the bartender to do their job.
YTA NASTY and MEAN. So, 'good' enough' to say that she is your 'friend', and dedicate an entire article about, BUT just not quite 'good' enough to invite her to your wedding? You are NUTS, and NOT a friend. You deserve ZERO friends, chicky. What if a COUSIN, or God forbid, in-laws relative is 20? Are you going to ban them as well. I want to (REALLY) see pics of your legal age flower 'girl'. Good luck. You need to see a therapist. Remember, your reception is ONE DAY, marriage is the REST OF YOUR LIFE. You, will not be an easy person to live with. For a week.
The question I think she should have is AITA, as in, am I the alcoholic. But I have a different perspective. My prediction, that marriage will not survive the 7 year itch.
I have questions before i decide. First are under age cousins, brother and sisters.. etc going to be there? Are family members excluded because of this drinking age... if they are excluded also then no you are not the Ahole. If they are coming cause they are family the definitely you are.
I don't understand this logic. I've been to many weddings where alcohol was served and children were there. So excluding a 20 year old friend and calling her a child makes the bride a major a*****e - it's not about preventing underage drinking at all but wanting to be a b***h to someone who once saw her as a friend.
R u mature enough to get married? Cause the decisions you making about your guestlist is very telling. How do you not understand that excluding a friend one year younger than you seems rediculous..Hopefully she uses the same measurements when she gets married. She may want to relook at how she chooses friends cause given your treatment of her, she needs to find a different calibre.
While OP is being absolutely ridiculous, it's not necessarily true that the bartender is solely responsible for whether the friend drinks at the wedding. Whether OP is responsible for underage drinking depends on the state: "In addition, many states have laws that provide that “social hosts” are responsible for underage drinking events on property they own, lease, or otherwise control, whether or not the social host actually provides the alcohol." (https://consumer.ftc.gov/articles/0388-alcohol-laws-state). The US's patchwork of laws can be wildly different from state to state.
Had some relatives pull something just as boneheaded for my aunt's 5th wedding. They requested it be child free and made a pretty big deal about it, ok cool that's fair enough. Thing is though, in my rather large extended family the ONLY person who had a kid at the time was the bride's eldest daughter! The rest of us (excluding again, the BRIDE'S youngest daughter who was in highschool) were well over 18 yet all childless either by choice or simply not having started a family of our own yet. Nor were any of us in a relationship situation that involved kids. So the only conclusion we could come to was that she didn't want any of her siblings children there. Several of us cousins decided we simply wouldn't go and RSVPd no. What else were we supposed to think when they really made a stink about no kids? Turned out to be the smart decision. My aunt and her eldest turned up roaring drunk when they'd been specifically asked not to drink before hand by the pastor. (my uncle/her brother)
So I'll just focus on another thing about this that is really irking me. What is this sudden holier than thou attitude that makes you feel it's YOUR responsibility to prevent underage drinking in the 365 days you became of legal age to drink? Like what is going through your head?? And, no, I don't actually want to know cuz that would involve hearing more about what kind of person you are and I can already tell you're an insufferable kind. Everyone else has already covered the reasons why you are in the wrong and how incredibly rude your move was to your friend and how you could have gotten around not inviting her (which truly seems like your only ACTUAL motivation) in a much more tactful fashion that would have prevented hurting the feelings of your so-called "friend" or belittling her.
You honestly consider someone old enough to vote or join the military a CHILD?. You're not only the a$$hole, you're a f*cking moron.
Where in the article does it say this is a licensed wedding venue???? The wedding could be in someone's backyard or at a private club where you have to get your own alcohol license to serve. YOU are 100% responsible in this situation for underage drinking and if someone drives drunk and kill someone!
Ok, I’ve been to a lot of weddings and child free means under 18, not 20. And believe me, when you have 20 kids running around screaming, sounds great. The weddings, where underage drinking was a concern 1. No alcohol 2. No alcohol but champagne toast, or 3. Cash bar and card people. Take your choice. She’s only 2 years younger so it comes off hypocritical. You should have invited her and told her abt the underage drinking. Make sure the bar cards her and if she does drink anyway, have someone arrange a ride. Her response is also immature too. Reminds me of a Lifetime movie, both of you.
1)21 is a ridiculous age for alcohol consumption, you talk about "preventing under age drinking" like its a moral issue, it isn't. It's a stupid law and while you are entitled to not want any hassle over legal issues at your wedding, it's the barman's responsibility to ensure the law is followed (even if its stupid). 2) you and your fiancé being child free is cool, everyone has that choice and while you have the right to have a child free wedding, you seem to be one of those with the attitude that because you don't have or want kids, you shouldn't have to live in a world where they exist. Those of us raising children are doing the work that means you without children still live in a functioning society in 30 years time. 3)20 is not a child. Being too young to drink is the same as being a child. 18 is adult (another reason US drinking laws are stupid) and tbh, most "child free" weddings are about not having small kids running around, so anyone over 13 or so would be considered OK.
I understand your point of view and your way of thinking. I feel like you weren't calling your friend a Child and child free and under 21 I see as two different categories. Underage drinking and being 21 with minors is completely different. Different states may have different laws. Do we really know if there is underage drinking at your wedding the responsibility would completely fall on the bartenders? I've been in situations where 21 years Olds have been charged with the delinquency of minors so when I became 21 I was very cautious. With that being said. If you value your 20 year old friend, why not postpone the wedding until she turns 21 so she can celebrate with you? Isn't that what wedding celebrations are about. Celebrating with the people you care about. Or telling her you don't want her to drink at her wedding, if she can't respect that then uninvited her.
I have rarely seen any 22 year olds act anything like an adult, there are some but most are kids that think "I'm grown up now I can do what I want", that's not exactly a mature attitude for any adult, but 22, really? I got underwater older than the op, sorry you ain't adult in my book
I see nothing wrong with it. Serving alcohol at the facility that you are renting would be the same as serving alcohol in your own house. If someone is underage or gets in their car and drives drunk...YOU are responsible and could be charged as an accessory!!!
Not true at all - especially the drunk driving aspect. No one but the driver can be held liable for that decision. Does every bar that someone drives home drunk from also get fined for that person's DUI? No...
Load More Replies... It's a good idea to have nonalcohol beverages at the wedding anyway Incase someone prefers not to drink booze
She is definitely the AH. I hope none of the friends in that group show up. If this is how she treats friends and relationships, I give the marriage a year... tops.
Why would you get married so young anyway? Particularly when you think you've only been an adult for one year..
Serving alcohol at the facility that you are renting would be the same as serving alcohol in your own house. If someone is underage or gets in their car and drives drunk...YOU are responsible and could be charged as an accessory!!!
What gets me is the double standard. When she was 20, underage drinking was acceptable. Now that she's 22, she has a "responsibility" to prevent underage drinking.
The hypocrisy is strong in this one. Also, her friend can just fly to just about any other country to be able to legally drink. If she is so concerned about it why doesn’t she just tell her friend that she doesn’t want her to drink at the wedding?
Load More Replies... She can come to your next wedding. I doubt this one will last since it’s apparently you’re too immature to be married let alone plan a wedding. You don’t even know what “child free” means.
You are, of course, under no obligation to invite to your wedding anyone if you don't want to see them there, but it's a d**k move to exclude one of your friends just because she's slightly younger than you(and also considered adult in most countries). YATA and a s****y friend.
As someone who was a year younger than most of my friends in college and was never invited to things after they all turned 21 because all they cared about was going to bars, OP is a full on a*****e. Did you know that not everyone’s priority at the reception is getting drunk? I basically lost my friends once they all turned 21 because they were suddenly “adults” who could legally drink in public, as if that’s the real sign of maturity and adulthood 🙄 Legal drinkers get just as messy and sloppy as underage drinkers (ask me about my sister’s wedding 😬) so not sure why OP is so worried about Mel’s behavior.
Sounds like you were probably better off without them in the end.
Load More Replies... Bollocks. 21+ is not the same thing as a child free event, and conspicuously odd when you’re only 22 and still have friends under 21. She is not being honest about something.
She is coming across as a very immature child pretending to be an adult. I don't have a lot of faith in her ability to handle marriage.
So she doesn't know that cutoff for "children" is actually 18 not 21 since 18 is an adult??? She is definitely the AH
When i studied youth work you were considered a child until 12yrs then a young person until 25yrs. So I guess technically she's in the same age group as her mate. She's a jerk
Load More Replies... I got married at 28 and still did not really feel like I was old enough
Load More Replies... She’s old enough to vote and serve in the military so hardly a child. The one who lacks maturity is OP.
Even the idea that a person must be 18 to attend a child-free wedding is silly. The point is for them to not interrupt the ceremony, not to operate heavy machinery. There's no reason it has to follow the legal definition of adult, lol.
Exactly! I went to a “childfree wedding” when I was 15 and it went fine, I didn’t bother anyone. I think it has to be on a child by child basis as everyone matures differently
Load More Replies... Mel needs a new friend. If no one in the friend group stood up for Mel to you, Mel needs a new group of friends. This is beyond childish.
Yeah, I feel like the rest of the friend group should have helped check the OP. It's supposedly a day to share with people you feel close to, and who the hell goes from underage drinking to underage drinking isn't acceptable the second they are legal age. Sounds like a major excuse to finally shake their "friend" from the group under the guise of moral righteousness
Load More Replies... As someone from a country where drinking age is 16-18, this OP is just an a*****e and nothing else
Girl, go sit down somewhere and reevaluate getting married. You aren't mature enough. Your double standard of "it's ok because I was underage too," versus "I'm an adult and have responsibilities" is so gross. Your friend is 20 and not a child. YOU, however, need to try to be more of an adult. You know what would be more "adult"? Thinking before your open your mouth.
"Bride asks if she's a jerk..." What's the percentage of "yes" answers to these? 98%?
I think you're asking about an aggregate of all AITA posts by brides. There's probably at least 5% of instances where the MIL is pulling some nonsense and the bride just needed some reassurance, but yeah; usually it's a bridezilla situation.
Load More Replies... This just highlights how bizarre it is that the drinking age is 21 in the US. It's 18 in the UK, and in many countries such as Germany and Belgium It's younger than that (16). If you're old enough to leave school, vote, have sex, get married, drive a car and join the military then you're old enough to make your own choices regarding alcohol.
I can't think of any other country that has a 21 drinking age besides the States. Every other western country its 18 max.
Load More Replies... This is so ridiculous that I find it hard to believe anyone would wonder if they are the a*****e.
Right? She comes across like such a sanctimonious bltch.
Load More Replies... Bridezilla's wedding is all about alcohol? Her entire event is centered around everybody drinking??? Maybe she should exclude any alcoholics and non-drinkers she knows too, that way her entire reception can get soused together. If you need to be rip roaring drunk to have fun at your wedding, you have a problem. N
I would be so pissed if my friend said I couldn't go because the wedding is "child free". 20 years old. Condescending as hell
It seems like at this point so many of these are just people making stuff up for the fun of it. I wonder if these stories are even really true, or are people just posting them for attention?
It sure seems fake, only because we'd like to believe that someone couldn't possibly be so lacking in objectivity and self-awareness. The sad truth is people can get WAY worse than this bride, and the post is probably authentic. Sorry :C
Load More Replies... I got married at 22 and was definitely waaayyy too young. Got divorced at 25. Learnt my lesson.
20 is not a child. Bartenders card people. Grow up and a) just tell Mel why she really isn't invited, if you have an actual reason, b) Own your lack of reason, and tell Mel and everyone else that she isn't invited because you just don't like her. or c) Suck it up, apologise for being b****y and condescending, and tell her of course she's invited.
As someone who's 22, about a month to be 23, that's ridiculous. OP is closer in age to her friend than I'm to my partner (3 years gap) and he's never even brought up our ages in any way let alone treat me like a child. OP reminds me a girl I studied with, she'd always play with me and other kids during recess. One day after she turned 11 (I was 10), I asked if she'd play with us that day, she said she couldn't play now that she was no longer a child.
If we want to get technical she isn't even allowed at her own wedding as she is a child of her parents. Child free wedding tends to aim for prepubescent under 10ish. But still the national age of adulthood is 18 so regardless she's just being stupid and ugh idk she's just gross. Sadly she probably wants kids in the future and imagine her as a parent.
And heres me remembering all the wedding i went to as a "kid" and all them had alcohol and......it was fine
It's almost like all wedding venues require licensed bartenders for serving alcohol.
Load More Replies... But Mel is not really your friend, is she, this whole post is ridiculous
The legal drinking age in my country is 18, because you're adult as 18
Invite everyone. Let your professional servers handle the legal age drinking. Aside from Mel, you dont want that flowergirl to get hammered...
I get that you'll be at a public venue but that's why they have bartenders check id, duh... you're a hypocrite and mel is better off without you as a friend. Were you this much of a b***h to her growing up??
When I was 10-12 I went to three different weddings all with alcohol and it was completely fine. Heck even my cousins who were 16-18 we're there with there parents.
Who died and made this b**** the queen of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms? Invite this girl and maybe gently remind her she may get carded.
Don't forget explosives! After all, this is sure to blow up in her face.
Load More Replies... What is all that about carding? It's not a public event. Or are you saying that even privately you cannot have your teenagers toast with you?! That is a real surprise.
Most states have exceptions for providing alcohol to a minor, but not all, and the circumstances in which it is allowed vary by state as well. If you scroll to the end of this website, it gives a general listing of some of the exceptions: https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/addiction/alcohol-laws#:~:text=In%2045%20states%2C%20laws%20allow,property%20without%20their%20parent's%20consent.
Load More Replies... Well OP gained a husband but lost a good friend. Hope you’re happy. Just invite Mel on your divorce party.
This post clearly shows that many people over 21 are only technically adults and truly still very immature. OP is a perfect example.
I definitely wouldn't have slandered her, but I most certainly would have stopped be friends with her. Mel must feel so s****y sitting at home looking at the social media posts of all of her friends having fun without her. I don't even drink and I'd feel insulted by the insinuation that I am somehow still a child and incapable of knowing I shouldn't drink. Bride is definitely the ah here
You're both acting like children but OP is @$$hole. Mel shouldn't be talking behind your back but OP started this whole fiasco being a bad friend and acting superior. I wondering if "The Church Lady" song will play at the wedding so OP can do her superior dance in front of everyone.
Have the bartender card her. Ask the bartender to serve her nonalcoholic beverages. Don't lose a friend over this, but allow the bartender to do their job.
YTA NASTY and MEAN. So, 'good' enough' to say that she is your 'friend', and dedicate an entire article about, BUT just not quite 'good' enough to invite her to your wedding? You are NUTS, and NOT a friend. You deserve ZERO friends, chicky. What if a COUSIN, or God forbid, in-laws relative is 20? Are you going to ban them as well. I want to (REALLY) see pics of your legal age flower 'girl'. Good luck. You need to see a therapist. Remember, your reception is ONE DAY, marriage is the REST OF YOUR LIFE. You, will not be an easy person to live with. For a week.
The question I think she should have is AITA, as in, am I the alcoholic. But I have a different perspective. My prediction, that marriage will not survive the 7 year itch.
I have questions before i decide. First are under age cousins, brother and sisters.. etc going to be there? Are family members excluded because of this drinking age... if they are excluded also then no you are not the Ahole. If they are coming cause they are family the definitely you are.
I don't understand this logic. I've been to many weddings where alcohol was served and children were there. So excluding a 20 year old friend and calling her a child makes the bride a major a*****e - it's not about preventing underage drinking at all but wanting to be a b***h to someone who once saw her as a friend.
R u mature enough to get married? Cause the decisions you making about your guestlist is very telling. How do you not understand that excluding a friend one year younger than you seems rediculous..Hopefully she uses the same measurements when she gets married. She may want to relook at how she chooses friends cause given your treatment of her, she needs to find a different calibre.
While OP is being absolutely ridiculous, it's not necessarily true that the bartender is solely responsible for whether the friend drinks at the wedding. Whether OP is responsible for underage drinking depends on the state: "In addition, many states have laws that provide that “social hosts” are responsible for underage drinking events on property they own, lease, or otherwise control, whether or not the social host actually provides the alcohol." (https://consumer.ftc.gov/articles/0388-alcohol-laws-state). The US's patchwork of laws can be wildly different from state to state.
Had some relatives pull something just as boneheaded for my aunt's 5th wedding. They requested it be child free and made a pretty big deal about it, ok cool that's fair enough. Thing is though, in my rather large extended family the ONLY person who had a kid at the time was the bride's eldest daughter! The rest of us (excluding again, the BRIDE'S youngest daughter who was in highschool) were well over 18 yet all childless either by choice or simply not having started a family of our own yet. Nor were any of us in a relationship situation that involved kids. So the only conclusion we could come to was that she didn't want any of her siblings children there. Several of us cousins decided we simply wouldn't go and RSVPd no. What else were we supposed to think when they really made a stink about no kids? Turned out to be the smart decision. My aunt and her eldest turned up roaring drunk when they'd been specifically asked not to drink before hand by the pastor. (my uncle/her brother)
So I'll just focus on another thing about this that is really irking me. What is this sudden holier than thou attitude that makes you feel it's YOUR responsibility to prevent underage drinking in the 365 days you became of legal age to drink? Like what is going through your head?? And, no, I don't actually want to know cuz that would involve hearing more about what kind of person you are and I can already tell you're an insufferable kind. Everyone else has already covered the reasons why you are in the wrong and how incredibly rude your move was to your friend and how you could have gotten around not inviting her (which truly seems like your only ACTUAL motivation) in a much more tactful fashion that would have prevented hurting the feelings of your so-called "friend" or belittling her.
You honestly consider someone old enough to vote or join the military a CHILD?. You're not only the a$$hole, you're a f*cking moron.
Where in the article does it say this is a licensed wedding venue???? The wedding could be in someone's backyard or at a private club where you have to get your own alcohol license to serve. YOU are 100% responsible in this situation for underage drinking and if someone drives drunk and kill someone!
Ok, I’ve been to a lot of weddings and child free means under 18, not 20. And believe me, when you have 20 kids running around screaming, sounds great. The weddings, where underage drinking was a concern 1. No alcohol 2. No alcohol but champagne toast, or 3. Cash bar and card people. Take your choice. She’s only 2 years younger so it comes off hypocritical. You should have invited her and told her abt the underage drinking. Make sure the bar cards her and if she does drink anyway, have someone arrange a ride. Her response is also immature too. Reminds me of a Lifetime movie, both of you.
1)21 is a ridiculous age for alcohol consumption, you talk about "preventing under age drinking" like its a moral issue, it isn't. It's a stupid law and while you are entitled to not want any hassle over legal issues at your wedding, it's the barman's responsibility to ensure the law is followed (even if its stupid). 2) you and your fiancé being child free is cool, everyone has that choice and while you have the right to have a child free wedding, you seem to be one of those with the attitude that because you don't have or want kids, you shouldn't have to live in a world where they exist. Those of us raising children are doing the work that means you without children still live in a functioning society in 30 years time. 3)20 is not a child. Being too young to drink is the same as being a child. 18 is adult (another reason US drinking laws are stupid) and tbh, most "child free" weddings are about not having small kids running around, so anyone over 13 or so would be considered OK.
I understand your point of view and your way of thinking. I feel like you weren't calling your friend a Child and child free and under 21 I see as two different categories. Underage drinking and being 21 with minors is completely different. Different states may have different laws. Do we really know if there is underage drinking at your wedding the responsibility would completely fall on the bartenders? I've been in situations where 21 years Olds have been charged with the delinquency of minors so when I became 21 I was very cautious. With that being said. If you value your 20 year old friend, why not postpone the wedding until she turns 21 so she can celebrate with you? Isn't that what wedding celebrations are about. Celebrating with the people you care about. Or telling her you don't want her to drink at her wedding, if she can't respect that then uninvited her.
I have rarely seen any 22 year olds act anything like an adult, there are some but most are kids that think "I'm grown up now I can do what I want", that's not exactly a mature attitude for any adult, but 22, really? I got underwater older than the op, sorry you ain't adult in my book
I see nothing wrong with it. Serving alcohol at the facility that you are renting would be the same as serving alcohol in your own house. If someone is underage or gets in their car and drives drunk...YOU are responsible and could be charged as an accessory!!!
Not true at all - especially the drunk driving aspect. No one but the driver can be held liable for that decision. Does every bar that someone drives home drunk from also get fined for that person's DUI? No...
Load More Replies... It's a good idea to have nonalcohol beverages at the wedding anyway Incase someone prefers not to drink booze
She is definitely the AH. I hope none of the friends in that group show up. If this is how she treats friends and relationships, I give the marriage a year... tops.
Why would you get married so young anyway? Particularly when you think you've only been an adult for one year..
Serving alcohol at the facility that you are renting would be the same as serving alcohol in your own house. If someone is underage or gets in their car and drives drunk...YOU are responsible and could be charged as an accessory!!!
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