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Autistic Son’s Aggression Puts Siblings In Harm’s Way, Mom Considers Putting Him Into Care

Autistic Son’s Aggression Puts Siblings In Harm’s Way, Mom Considers Putting Him Into Care

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Sometimes parents face choices like deciding whether one should stay home or both should work, or whether to move for a new job opportunity. But what happens when the safety of your children is at stake?

For one mother, the situation became so dire that she found herself wondering if separating her family was the only way to protect her younger children from her eldest son’s increasing aggression driven by autism.

More info: Mumsnet

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    Parents usually face difficult decisions, but when a child’s aggression driven by a disorder threatens the safety of others, the stakes become even higher

    Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)

    Unsure of the financial costs, the author and her husband are considering living separately or placing their autistic son in care

    Image credits: Crumplesock

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    Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

    As the author’s son grows older, his aggression is increasing and is leading to daily injuries inflicted on her, her husband, and their other children

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    Image credits: Crumplesock

    Image credits: Aidan Roof / Pexels (not the actual photo)

    Worried about her son’s growing strength, she spoke with social services who stated that it is now a case of abuse and that her other children need to be protected

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    Image credits: Crumplesock

    The author faces a choice of placing her son into care or splitting her family apart, but she’s unsure if she’s being unreasonable for considering those options

    The Original Poster (OP) explained that her son is autistic with a PDA (pathological demand avoidance) profile, and as any parent of a child with autism knows, managing their needs can be incredibly challenging. She and her husband have been following a “low-demand” parenting style, which allows their son to make decisions at his own pace.

    After he was excluded from school, they decided to home-school him, believing it was the best option. They’ve also taken courses like the At Peace Parenting course, to help them figure out the best way to raise their son.

    But despite their best efforts, the OP’s son’s aggression has been steadily increasing as he grows older. His behavior is becoming harder to control, and it’s reaching a point where it’s becoming unsafe for his younger siblings.

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    The OP explained that despite her efforts to keep the children separated at all times, it’s incredibly difficult to manage when only one parent is home to supervise all three. Unfortunately, the family, including her and her husband, are sustaining daily injuries due to this ongoing aggression.

    To make matters worse, the OP’s son has been getting stronger. He’s taken to working out at home, focusing on lifting weights and doing pull-ups. While the OP believes it’s fantastic that he’s pursuing a healthy hobby, on the other hand, she’s terrified by how much stronger he’s becoming.

    She witnessed him do 20+ pull-ups and deadlift more than 1.5 times his body weight. Her son has also told her that he’s lifting to make himself “the strongest,” and to intimidate others. Now, she’s concerned because his growing strength now surpasses hers, and soon, it might even rival her husband’s.

    The OP acknowledged that her son’s aggression stems from the trauma he experienced in school, particularly the bullying he endured, however, she’s mostly worried about the danger he poses to his younger siblings.

    She reached out to social services where she learned that the situation has crossed the line into child-on-parent (and sibling) abuse, and they have recommended protecting her other children, but that advice has left the OP torn.

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    The OP is now considering splitting the family apart, either by putting her son in care or moving into two separate homes to keep the kids apart. The idea of splitting her family apart is devastating, but the safety of her children is the priority.

    Image credits: Keira Burton / Pexels (not the actual photo)

    To get some professional insight into the situation, Bored Panda reached out to psychologist Florence Okezie, who works with autistic children and teenagers. Okezie suggested that the family consider seeing a psychiatrist for medication to help reduce aggression.

    She also emphasized the importance of support, understanding, and encouragement in this situation.

    When asked about the potential effects of living apart, Okezie said it could relieve stress in the short term, but warned that it wouldn’t be a long-term solution. “It is not an effective long-term solution as the relationship between the parents and the child can suffer,” she explained.

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    She added that placing a child in a care system should be the last resort after exploring therapy options such as TEACCH (Treatment and Education of Autistic and Communication Handicapped Children), cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and occupational therapy.

    The comments from netizens expressed empathy but pointed out that the situation does appear to be abusive. They advised the OP to prioritize the safety of her younger children. As one user stated, “What you are enduring has been recognized as abuse. You need to protect yourselves and your younger children.”

    Others suggested looking into the care route as it could be the best option for the well-being of the entire family. Overall, the consensus was that the mother should not feel guilty for considering a solution that would protect all her children, especially in such a difficult situation.

    If you were in the mother’s position, how would you approach this situation?

    Netizens maintain that while keeping her other children safe should be her priority, living apart is not effective, but putting him in the care system is the best option

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    Ifeoluwa Adesina

    Ifeoluwa Adesina

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    I'm a writer and bookworm (eyes glued to an e-book, more accurately) who happens to have a suspiciously deep knowledge about pop culture. When I'm not writing, I can most likely be found taking yet another online quiz to find out which soda matches my personality.

    Read less »
    Ifeoluwa Adesina

    Ifeoluwa Adesina

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    I'm a writer and bookworm (eyes glued to an e-book, more accurately) who happens to have a suspiciously deep knowledge about pop culture. When I'm not writing, I can most likely be found taking yet another online quiz to find out which soda matches my personality.

    Monika Pašukonytė

    Monika Pašukonytė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    I am a visual editor here. In my free time I enjoy the vibrant worlds of art galleries, exhibitions, and soulful concerts. Yet, amidst life's hustle and bustle, I find solace in nature's embrace, cherishing tranquil moments with beloved friends. Deep within, I hold a dream close - to embark on a global journey in an RV, accompanied by my faithful canine companion. Together, we'll wander through diverse cultures, weaving precious memories under the starry night sky, fulfilling the wanderlust that stirs my soul.

    Read less »

    Monika Pašukonytė

    Monika Pašukonytė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    I am a visual editor here. In my free time I enjoy the vibrant worlds of art galleries, exhibitions, and soulful concerts. Yet, amidst life's hustle and bustle, I find solace in nature's embrace, cherishing tranquil moments with beloved friends. Deep within, I hold a dream close - to embark on a global journey in an RV, accompanied by my faithful canine companion. Together, we'll wander through diverse cultures, weaving precious memories under the starry night sky, fulfilling the wanderlust that stirs my soul.

    What do you think ?
    Add photo comments
    POST
    Bertha Madott
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hate to be cynical but years from now the siblings will be in therapy because their childhood was destroyed by the abusive older brother. And the mother’s defense of him (smart artistic etc).

    LakotaWolf (she/her)
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So because he is autistic and has temper and aggression issues, he can't be smart or artistic? His mom can't be proud of his positive attributes? EDIT: lol wow, people. I'm not saying the kid doesn't have issues and he should probably be in a facility suited to care for him (he should be), but you guys are saying it's NOT OKAY for his own mother to love the POSITIVE qualities that her CHILD has. Okay. Wow. Hope you all have absolutely perfect children and pets, because you're apparently not allowed to love their positive aspects if they have negative ones.

    Load More Replies...
    greenideas
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If the other children are being injured multiple times every day, then they likely already have some form of PTSD. Meanwhile, mom is like "hmm, maybe he shouldn't be near my children."

    Bookworm
    Community Member
    1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah I'm pretty bothered by how everything is focused on the autistic son. What about the other two?

    Load More Replies...
    Marnie
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm a little confused. Sound like he doesn't have an intellectual disability. (It wasn't mentioned, anyway.) He's autistic. Autistic people can become overwhelmed with emotions and have meltdowns. To my understanding, being purposefully violent is not common. She said he tried to poison kids with glue! That's not an emotional reaction to overstimulation or frustration. Autistic people can have other issues as well. Could he have antisocial personality disorder? It's rare for that to be comorbid with autism, but not impossible.

    Amy S
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It also says he has PDA (pathological demand avoidance) which can trigger the fight or flight reaction for very simple things, like telling him he has to brush his teeth.

    Load More Replies...
    Load More Comments
    Bertha Madott
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hate to be cynical but years from now the siblings will be in therapy because their childhood was destroyed by the abusive older brother. And the mother’s defense of him (smart artistic etc).

    LakotaWolf (she/her)
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So because he is autistic and has temper and aggression issues, he can't be smart or artistic? His mom can't be proud of his positive attributes? EDIT: lol wow, people. I'm not saying the kid doesn't have issues and he should probably be in a facility suited to care for him (he should be), but you guys are saying it's NOT OKAY for his own mother to love the POSITIVE qualities that her CHILD has. Okay. Wow. Hope you all have absolutely perfect children and pets, because you're apparently not allowed to love their positive aspects if they have negative ones.

    Load More Replies...
    greenideas
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If the other children are being injured multiple times every day, then they likely already have some form of PTSD. Meanwhile, mom is like "hmm, maybe he shouldn't be near my children."

    Bookworm
    Community Member
    1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah I'm pretty bothered by how everything is focused on the autistic son. What about the other two?

    Load More Replies...
    Marnie
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm a little confused. Sound like he doesn't have an intellectual disability. (It wasn't mentioned, anyway.) He's autistic. Autistic people can become overwhelmed with emotions and have meltdowns. To my understanding, being purposefully violent is not common. She said he tried to poison kids with glue! That's not an emotional reaction to overstimulation or frustration. Autistic people can have other issues as well. Could he have antisocial personality disorder? It's rare for that to be comorbid with autism, but not impossible.

    Amy S
    Community Member
    2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It also says he has PDA (pathological demand avoidance) which can trigger the fight or flight reaction for very simple things, like telling him he has to brush his teeth.

    Load More Replies...
    Load More Comments
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