My Cardboard Cutouts With Pandemic Jokes To Make You Smile
I draw on sheets of cardboard and pose with them at sunset. I call them Sunset Selfies and I hope this collection makes you smile. We will get through this. Stay safe, everyone, and see you at sunset soon.
Hey, everyone! I think I caught it! We can come out now!
Finding Toilet Paper
After not finding any toilet paper for several weeks, I finally spotted a roll down on the rocks tonight at sunset. It was an adult male, soft and plump but heavily armed. I approached with nervous excitement.
“One step closer and I’ll wipe that smirk right off your face,” the toilet paper shouted in defiance.
“If anyone’s gonna do any wiping, it’s gonna be me,” I shouted back as I lowered my net.
I’ve been afraid to go to the grocery store during the quarantine, so I haven’t been eating very much. Still, it has been a chance to lose those pesky extra pounds around my waistline—which is a plus. And just in time for summer!
Love in the Time of Corona
We may not be able to get physically close during this difficult time, but as I watched the last sunlight glinting off Pam’s gas mask, her filter cartridge canister had never looked sexier to me.
Find Your Own Food
I’ve been worried about the food supply, so I decided to take up hunting. It’s going well so far, but I’m not sure I bought the right hunting cap. I mean, as advertised, it does attract plenty of deer. But it also attracts plenty of hunters.
When he is fully engorged, Trevor is pretty disgusting, but he does have a good sense of humor.
“What do you get when you cross a virus with a tick?” Trevor asked me tonight as we watched the sunset together.
“I don’t know,” I said, playing along.
“Corona with Lyme.”
I gave him a high-five for that one.
With so much time at home, I’ve taken up a new hobby. The only problem is: I can’t find enough kittens.
A Talk with the President
“There will not be a sunset tonight,” the President said. “We did an incredible job and you will not see one. I am very strongly against them.”
Which didn’t make any sense.
“But there’s a beautiful sunset happening right now,” I pointed out.
“I always said there would be,” the President responded without missing a beat. “I called it a sunset long before anyone called it a sunset. Believe me: No one knows more about sunsets than me. I’m a big fan. A huge fan.”
Which didn’t make any sense.
“I’m confused,” I admitted. “What exactly are you saying? Because you just said—”
“I’m saying: You are fake news,” the President shouted. “That’s a nasty snarky question and you should be ashamed of yourself.”
And with that, another day ended.
Jessica and I were talking about the pandemic as we danced at sunset.
“Well, look on the bright side,” she suggested.
“And what bright side is that?” I asked.
“At least it’s not the zombie apocalypse.”
“You wish,” I teased, and she laughed her raspy little laugh that cracked from the back of her rotting throat.
It was cute.
Stay Safe, Everyone!
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