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“You’re Not Entitled To Anything From Us”: Woman Stands Firm Against Brother’s New Partner
Woman holding and laughing with baby kissing her cheek, illustrating treating kids differently in family dynamics.
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“You’re Not Entitled To Anything From Us”: Woman Stands Firm Against Brother’s New Partner

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If you have kids, having other family members with kids can often be helpful when you need babysitting. After all, parents tend to know best how to actually look after children. But it’s pretty easy to start crossing lines and making demands that go beyond normal family obligations.

A woman asked the internet if she was wrong to turn down her brother’s girlfriend’s request to have their kids interact more when she felt it wasn’t a good idea. Later, she shared an update. We reached out to the woman who made the post via private message and will update the article when she gets back to us.

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    Some folks think that their relatives and even in-laws should be required to help them with kids

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    So one woman had to turn down her brother’s GF who kept trying to get her to look after her kids

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    “Instant families” come with all sorts of pitfalls

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    The idea of an “instant family” doesn’t always culminate with immediate acceptance and perhaps, free babysitting. Sometimes it happens by stealth through dating, when someone new begins dating a member of your family and suddenly finds themselves wrapped up in a whole web of assumptions and obligations. It’s easy for the newcomer to be more sensitive, as in this story, where Natalie insists her kids aren’t treated as well. This is, in a sense, true, although she should probably understand why.

    As this story demonstrates, this dynamic becomes especially complicated when children are introduced. It’s good for kids to socialize, have friends and for the parents to potentially have someone nearby they can trust. But at the same time, as this woman suggests, the demands become unreasonable. Not all kids get along, as many parents learn when they try to force friendships. They’re not being snooty or standoffish, they’re just trying to set healthy boundaries in a scenario that’s moving faster than they’re prepared for.

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    New partners might be quick to try and capitalize on this, as many of the comments suggest. One reason this story was a bit divisive (you can find a variety of opinions in the comments below) was that Natalie isn’t wrong that it’s good for kids to hang out. Similarly, children are very, very sensitive to injustice, at least as far as they perceive it. They might have asked their mom why these new adults didn’t treat them the same as the “other kids”.

    Natalie can explain the differences, but it’s not entirely fair to assume a child will be able to understand exactly why this is happening. Familial relationships are complicated. Natalie has been dating the woman’s brother for a year, maybe not a long time as far as families go, but a very, very long time for a child. Many of the readers seem to have overlooked this, something all too common in these sorts of stories. Naturally, we tend to side with the person telling the story, as we see their perspective. This doesn’t mean that the woman who made the post is wrong, but it’s simply something to keep in mind.

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    Familial obligations are a complicated topic

    Image credits: Kateryna Hliznitsova / unsplash (not the actual photo)

    For parents, getting the balance right between inviting in and drowning can be tricky. There is a real desire to make new people belong to the group, especially when children or an extended family are involved. But inclusion doesn’t have to mean expectation. Healthier practices recognize that relationships are built over time, and not everyone who comes into the family unit is ready, or obligated, to get actively involved overnight. Remember, this is a best-case scenario, some folks have families that are deeply entitled and even toxic.

    This is a two-way road. There is a lot of speculation about Natalie’s motivations here, that she just wants free babysitting, but this isn’t immediately clear. Certainly, she doesn’t seem to take being told “no” very well, although she also doesn’t seem to see the author’s point of view either. It seems like a case where some honest and frank communication is needed to sort out these clearly misaligned beliefs.

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    Ultimately, the worst of the “instant family” mentality is that it skips over the most important step: consent. Adult relationships, whether between step-children and step-parents, in-laws and new partners, or extended relatives and significant others, grow healthiest when people are afforded the autonomy to move at their own speed. When all parties’ roles and boundaries are respected, the resulting family may not be instant, but it’s a hell of a lot better chance it’ll be real, solid, and founded on actual connection. And if you want to know what happens next, she later shared an update that can be found below.

    Many thought she was not being unreasonable

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    A few thought she could have treated her better

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    Later, she shared an update

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    Readers shared their thoughts

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    Justin Sandberg

    Justin Sandberg

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

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    I am a writer at Bored Panda. Despite being born in the US, I ended up spending most of my life in Europe, from Latvia, Austria, and Georgia to finally settling in Lithuania. At Bored Panda, you’ll find me covering topics ranging from the cat meme of the day to red flags in the workplace and really anything else. In my free time, I enjoy hiking, beating other people at board games, cooking, good books, and bad films.

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    Justin Sandberg

    Justin Sandberg

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    I am a writer at Bored Panda. Despite being born in the US, I ended up spending most of my life in Europe, from Latvia, Austria, and Georgia to finally settling in Lithuania. At Bored Panda, you’ll find me covering topics ranging from the cat meme of the day to red flags in the workplace and really anything else. In my free time, I enjoy hiking, beating other people at board games, cooking, good books, and bad films.

    What do you think ?
    Trillian
    Community Member
    9 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A "playdate without her present" at this age and with this age gap is not a playdate but babysitting. She is looking for a free sitter.

    Tyke
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Looking after 4 kids of that age range is asking a LOT of one person. Totally agree, she wants a sitter.

    Load More Replies...
    The Big Bad
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So she wants to bond. That's nice. She should understand that she can only offer her time and energy to her new inlaws. She cannot demand time and energy from them. That's just not how bonding works. You can only put in the time and hope for something to grow. You cannot control how other people are or what they do.

    FreeTheUnicorn
    Community Member
    9 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I do wonder what Natalie's family is like, my partner's family is the instant family type. New partners, one with kids, get in there. No hesitation, no interim period, you just get folded in. They are a drop everything for family family. Close friends are the same. They really mea it when they say like family. My own family is not like that. Thankfully they really do love my partner, but becoming part of the family is a long process, it can take years and honestly might not happen. My partner is often confused by the dynamic and though really adept socially, doesn't get a lot of the boundary stuff, doesn't understand when people (mostly my SIL) overstep and doesn't expect us to get upset because his family doesn't have any of those lines. He always checks with me, and listens. But my brother either doesn't help his wife navigate things at all or more likely she does't take advice.

    K
    Community Member
    9 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dude I think OP is the best & I am right there with her on this - with the exception I love kids - BUT that doesn't mean I want every kid in my house or up my butt. To be honest, most other parents do not raise their kids with manners or respect or any kind of common sense of dont do those kind of things rules.. where I can't tolerate other kids for too long anymore - even tho I do love kids. NTA IN ANYWAY. Take Care OP. Enjoy your kids and your life.. you have no obligations to anyone.

    Paul C
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I like the OP. She seems such a well rounded, honest, decent person who is just doing the right thing and the best she can for her family (not the same two things). She doesn't really care if someone doesn't like her for doing that. And has nice clear boundaries that are fair and just. Only issue I have is you can't call someone your "life partner" after dating a year. Natalie's baggage may still end things in that relationship with her brother, as she clearly has some emotional issues to deal with.

    Annik Perrot
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I used to love having one more kid with us, be it for the day or for à vacation. It changed the dynamics and kept them entertained. But those were kids I and they had known from birth, cousins or friends' kids, and their ages were compatible. I would never have *made*them be friends with anyone. I also *am* à kid person, but I can well understand some people are not, and that's something that, like friendship, can't be forced.

    Sarah
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So rude (NOT)! I don’t have kids ( by choice) but do my share of babysitting niece and nephew. By9.30 am I’ve run out of ideas to entertain them and I’m still in pyjamas. 40 mins went by trying to get then to agree for food for breakfast. And now look after more kids with whom you don’t know their habits etc. big difference minding ur own family… but not external

    geraldrboyle@aol.com
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dear OP after reading your beautifully reasoned responses, I am convinced your IQ is off the top end of the scale. I am equally convinced that the YTA's IQs are off the bottom end of the scale. You are 100% right.

    Sue Ellen Bowen
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hope she posts her brother's response.

    Boo
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Me too. Would be interesting to see what he had to say about all of this.

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    Marnie
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You don't bring the kids into the new family until you are at least engaged. I'm saying this as someone who was a single (no Dad in sight) mother. I would never have considered trying to make my children become part of a family they were not a part of AT ALL. One good reason for that is, if it doesn't work out, your kids have lost an entire family.

    Lowrider 56
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA. It sounds like your brother's girlfriend feels entitled. You owe her absolutely nothing!

    jasper
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I mean, it's been a year, is that what I read? That's not a long time. I get her wanting to fit in and be family, but honestly, at this point they could break up and then what? Her kids are going to wonder where grandma and grandpa are? Don't be so fast to foist your kids on another family. Sheesh.

    Damned_Cat
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My BIL is divorced from the mother of his two kids. She remarried to a man who has a young son of his own. When they were young, the mother used to insist that BIL take the new stepchild along when he picked the kids up for visitation saying it wasn't fair that their kids got to go to Disneyland or wherever while the stepchild did not. Of course, BIL refused because that's not his kid. The mother & her husband were also upset that my niece & nephew got a lot of extra Christmas and birthday presents and we didn't buy anything for the stepkid. Again, not our relative. The poor kids ended up having to leave half of the toys they received at grandma's house so the mom and her husband wouldn't throw a fit. Mom threatened to terminate BIL's visitation if he wouldn't accept her new blended family. She didn't get far with that and soon her kids were old enough to speak up to say they didn't want the new brother along because he was a nightmare and they just wanted to get away from him. Crazy!

    Wysteria_Rose
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's absolute c**p to force your kids to group up with another kid who they have made clear they don't feel comfortable with. My stepsons had to deal with their mom's live-in boyfriend's son who was between their ages but bullied our youngest (teased him, took his stuff, would make messes that he knew my kid would have to clean up and not him). We took a stand with his mom that a kid shouldn't have to put up with that at home. She wound up breaking up with that boyfriend b/c he wouldn't control his kid. Not saying that this person's child is nefarious, just that kids already don't get a lot of say in their life situations so if we can make them more comfortable and feel safer, that is our duty as a parent. The girlfriend is either starved for familial connections (which no one owes her outside the boyfriend) or is looking for free babysitting/gift givers for her kids.

    Robert Beveridge
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is her actual name Minnie? 'cause holy cow, hi de hi de hi de hi.

    Mike F
    Community Member
    9 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That took me a minute, well played! ETA: ho de ho de ho de ho!

    Load More Replies...
    Crystalwitch60
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Omfg those YTA ,S n her replies to them had me in stitches 😂😂she shot them down good style lmao that’s a first 😋atta girl lol On to Natalie , now she is some kinda deluded , n wtf is all this about it takes a village c**p 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️.When I had my kids at 35-39 ,(21-24 now ) I had no village lol just men my now ex husband their father , no one baby sat for us , etc, n in the last 13 yrs of being a lone mum out in the sticks (I wasn’t back then ) it’s just me and them ,I like op don’t do other peoples kids , I’ve dine my time as a step mother three times n had two of them living with us one in each last two marriages ,I adore my kids ,n woe betide anyone as hurts them ! But other peoples kids JUST NOPE ! n since I had a bad miscarriage at 43 ,I can’t even hold a baby , n I do not go gaga over other peoples lol again nope ! I’ want the update to see what happened when the brother had time to think n really take in what op said , can anyone find it ? I don’t use Reddit .

    SlightlyTarnished
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Brother is lost...." Brother should be running the other way, the GF is trouble.

    Southie
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Looking for a family bond with children so different is pure bullsh*t. She wants a free babysitter so she can run and be free. Stick to your guns.

    Ginger ninja
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That first YTA by frequent_switch… natalie is that you?

    Neb
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Eh, pitty there is no more updates. The post is a month old and nothing since then.

    weatherwitch
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I question Natalie's background and that is what has caused this need for instant family. Her own son doesn't do anything with his sister. She doesn't have the family background and life skills required. Equally just because you have kids doesn't mean you like kids. I've never been maternal. Ever. 52. I avoid babies like the plaque!! My late partner when we'd been together three months said to me that I was a step mother now. I laughed out loud, thinking he was fkn mental!!!! He genuinely meant it!! He was really upset that I thought this. Going out with someone does Not make you a parent to their children. Also I completely believe that children should Not be continually introduced to each and every new partner. Had we married it still wouldn't make me a step mother. I never Met his children who were in their 30s. And because of Covid I never did either. His funeral was during strict restrictions so his blood family were much more important to attend than I was.

    Fuhleeheece
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP is part of my tribe! I don't like other people's kids even though I'm an older woman and I should be everyone's "grandma." No thanks. I'll be pleasant but that's it.

    Megalodon Meg
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As a mother of two who never planned for kids or wanted them because I tend to also not enjoy the company of most kids, I do feel a small twinge of sadness for the GF as she seems to want to be integrated in the family and such. However, she's going about it completely wrong. The main issue is not respecting OP and their feelings and boundaries regarding unfamiliar kids. Doesn't seem like OP is going around hitting or belittling the kids or anything, just disinterested regardless of the reasoning. I love my kids and I'm so glad I had them but I'm really only close to or care for my 3 nieces, 2 nephews and my best friends kid because I know who raised them and how so they're just awesome and they grew up with me around so that affection and bond is solid. The other reason GF is wrong though is kind of implying that to build the relationship was solely OPs responsibility. She was clearly busy with family life and seemingly being introverted and thus didn't aggressively reach out

    Megalodon Meg
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or pursue a relationship to get to know them better but why didnt the GF try? Why didn't GF correct her kid's behavior? Relationships go both ways.

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    K. LNU
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Once again, the YTA are insane! However, I loved OP's comments to them!

    Janelle Collard
    Community Member
    Premium
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP, tell Natalie: "We're not your village. We're a neighboring country."

    Chewie Baron
    Community Member
    Premium
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I enjoyed this post. The OP sounds awesome!

    Andrew Arons
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Generally I like kids. And what I like best about other people's kids is that I can hand them right back to their parents once they've exhausted my very short attention span. "Sorry kid, I need some me-time to go play Half-Life on my computer, and it's Rated M for Mature. No you can't watch, you'd be traumatized and your mom and dad would yell at me."

    Tonyah Mcanelly
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This natatlie chick is inserting herself a little too quickly . First of all biological grand kids / nieces an nephews are always going to get treated a little differently. My kids were but their step grandparents always respected them . Its just a different kind of love. Secondly you cant force kids to like each other I have cousins I love and onces I cant stand and we are biologically linked. Finally why would you drop your kids off at some ones house when you have only met them a couple of times? It Seems Natalie was given plenty of warning about the personality of the OP but it seems she doesn't care ..

    K Barnes
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In our family the biological kids and step/adopted kids are treated the same and loved equally. No, biological kids are not always going to get treated differently... only by a certain type of people. That being said, in this case the gfs kids are not yet step or adopted children and are new to the family- THAT is why they would be treated differently. After time they could become just as loved as the biologically related kids.

    Load More Replies...
    Agat
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't know. The OP sounds unkind and self-centered. I'm not saying that she should be happy to take care of Natalie's children or something, but the way she talks about all of this + how she responded to people that weren't agreeing... In my opinion she just isn't a nice person. (and I don't like kids so it's not that I feel anything about that aspect of her post)

    K Barnes
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I totally agree. I respect her boundaries and find them reasonable. However, in her post and comments she seems really self-centred and generally not kind, and in her responses to some of the YTA comments she is just awful and gets hyper defensive then attacks. If you ask for people's opinions don't get hyper defensive and attack them when they give it to you... you literally asked for it.

    Load More Replies...
    XenoMurph
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'd love to hear the other side of this. So often the person posting is truly angelic and completely relatable, but the other person is evil and unreasonable. I bet the other side to this would be interesting to hear. The phrase "I am cold towards her kids" is not normal.

    Bailey
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, for me the situation is reasonable, but some of the things the poster says hints that she might actually be a d*CK as well. Not having an instant relationship with this woman and her kids, not wanting to look after them on her own, all reasonable, especially when she has very young children of her own to deal with. However, there are a couple of times she makes comments about how her and her parents will never have the same relationship with girlfriends kids as the poster's, and her responses to anyone who does not tell her she is in the right that seem off. It's reasonable that relationships will take time to build gradually, but seems more like the poster views her and the kids as an outsider, who can never be part of the "real" family

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    Trillian
    Community Member
    9 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A "playdate without her present" at this age and with this age gap is not a playdate but babysitting. She is looking for a free sitter.

    Tyke
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Looking after 4 kids of that age range is asking a LOT of one person. Totally agree, she wants a sitter.

    Load More Replies...
    The Big Bad
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So she wants to bond. That's nice. She should understand that she can only offer her time and energy to her new inlaws. She cannot demand time and energy from them. That's just not how bonding works. You can only put in the time and hope for something to grow. You cannot control how other people are or what they do.

    FreeTheUnicorn
    Community Member
    9 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I do wonder what Natalie's family is like, my partner's family is the instant family type. New partners, one with kids, get in there. No hesitation, no interim period, you just get folded in. They are a drop everything for family family. Close friends are the same. They really mea it when they say like family. My own family is not like that. Thankfully they really do love my partner, but becoming part of the family is a long process, it can take years and honestly might not happen. My partner is often confused by the dynamic and though really adept socially, doesn't get a lot of the boundary stuff, doesn't understand when people (mostly my SIL) overstep and doesn't expect us to get upset because his family doesn't have any of those lines. He always checks with me, and listens. But my brother either doesn't help his wife navigate things at all or more likely she does't take advice.

    K
    Community Member
    9 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dude I think OP is the best & I am right there with her on this - with the exception I love kids - BUT that doesn't mean I want every kid in my house or up my butt. To be honest, most other parents do not raise their kids with manners or respect or any kind of common sense of dont do those kind of things rules.. where I can't tolerate other kids for too long anymore - even tho I do love kids. NTA IN ANYWAY. Take Care OP. Enjoy your kids and your life.. you have no obligations to anyone.

    Paul C
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I like the OP. She seems such a well rounded, honest, decent person who is just doing the right thing and the best she can for her family (not the same two things). She doesn't really care if someone doesn't like her for doing that. And has nice clear boundaries that are fair and just. Only issue I have is you can't call someone your "life partner" after dating a year. Natalie's baggage may still end things in that relationship with her brother, as she clearly has some emotional issues to deal with.

    Annik Perrot
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I used to love having one more kid with us, be it for the day or for à vacation. It changed the dynamics and kept them entertained. But those were kids I and they had known from birth, cousins or friends' kids, and their ages were compatible. I would never have *made*them be friends with anyone. I also *am* à kid person, but I can well understand some people are not, and that's something that, like friendship, can't be forced.

    Sarah
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So rude (NOT)! I don’t have kids ( by choice) but do my share of babysitting niece and nephew. By9.30 am I’ve run out of ideas to entertain them and I’m still in pyjamas. 40 mins went by trying to get then to agree for food for breakfast. And now look after more kids with whom you don’t know their habits etc. big difference minding ur own family… but not external

    geraldrboyle@aol.com
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dear OP after reading your beautifully reasoned responses, I am convinced your IQ is off the top end of the scale. I am equally convinced that the YTA's IQs are off the bottom end of the scale. You are 100% right.

    Sue Ellen Bowen
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hope she posts her brother's response.

    Boo
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Me too. Would be interesting to see what he had to say about all of this.

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    Marnie
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You don't bring the kids into the new family until you are at least engaged. I'm saying this as someone who was a single (no Dad in sight) mother. I would never have considered trying to make my children become part of a family they were not a part of AT ALL. One good reason for that is, if it doesn't work out, your kids have lost an entire family.

    Lowrider 56
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA. It sounds like your brother's girlfriend feels entitled. You owe her absolutely nothing!

    jasper
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I mean, it's been a year, is that what I read? That's not a long time. I get her wanting to fit in and be family, but honestly, at this point they could break up and then what? Her kids are going to wonder where grandma and grandpa are? Don't be so fast to foist your kids on another family. Sheesh.

    Damned_Cat
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My BIL is divorced from the mother of his two kids. She remarried to a man who has a young son of his own. When they were young, the mother used to insist that BIL take the new stepchild along when he picked the kids up for visitation saying it wasn't fair that their kids got to go to Disneyland or wherever while the stepchild did not. Of course, BIL refused because that's not his kid. The mother & her husband were also upset that my niece & nephew got a lot of extra Christmas and birthday presents and we didn't buy anything for the stepkid. Again, not our relative. The poor kids ended up having to leave half of the toys they received at grandma's house so the mom and her husband wouldn't throw a fit. Mom threatened to terminate BIL's visitation if he wouldn't accept her new blended family. She didn't get far with that and soon her kids were old enough to speak up to say they didn't want the new brother along because he was a nightmare and they just wanted to get away from him. Crazy!

    Wysteria_Rose
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's absolute c**p to force your kids to group up with another kid who they have made clear they don't feel comfortable with. My stepsons had to deal with their mom's live-in boyfriend's son who was between their ages but bullied our youngest (teased him, took his stuff, would make messes that he knew my kid would have to clean up and not him). We took a stand with his mom that a kid shouldn't have to put up with that at home. She wound up breaking up with that boyfriend b/c he wouldn't control his kid. Not saying that this person's child is nefarious, just that kids already don't get a lot of say in their life situations so if we can make them more comfortable and feel safer, that is our duty as a parent. The girlfriend is either starved for familial connections (which no one owes her outside the boyfriend) or is looking for free babysitting/gift givers for her kids.

    Robert Beveridge
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is her actual name Minnie? 'cause holy cow, hi de hi de hi de hi.

    Mike F
    Community Member
    9 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That took me a minute, well played! ETA: ho de ho de ho de ho!

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    Crystalwitch60
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Omfg those YTA ,S n her replies to them had me in stitches 😂😂she shot them down good style lmao that’s a first 😋atta girl lol On to Natalie , now she is some kinda deluded , n wtf is all this about it takes a village c**p 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️.When I had my kids at 35-39 ,(21-24 now ) I had no village lol just men my now ex husband their father , no one baby sat for us , etc, n in the last 13 yrs of being a lone mum out in the sticks (I wasn’t back then ) it’s just me and them ,I like op don’t do other peoples kids , I’ve dine my time as a step mother three times n had two of them living with us one in each last two marriages ,I adore my kids ,n woe betide anyone as hurts them ! But other peoples kids JUST NOPE ! n since I had a bad miscarriage at 43 ,I can’t even hold a baby , n I do not go gaga over other peoples lol again nope ! I’ want the update to see what happened when the brother had time to think n really take in what op said , can anyone find it ? I don’t use Reddit .

    SlightlyTarnished
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Brother is lost...." Brother should be running the other way, the GF is trouble.

    Southie
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Looking for a family bond with children so different is pure bullsh*t. She wants a free babysitter so she can run and be free. Stick to your guns.

    Ginger ninja
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That first YTA by frequent_switch… natalie is that you?

    Neb
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Eh, pitty there is no more updates. The post is a month old and nothing since then.

    weatherwitch
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I question Natalie's background and that is what has caused this need for instant family. Her own son doesn't do anything with his sister. She doesn't have the family background and life skills required. Equally just because you have kids doesn't mean you like kids. I've never been maternal. Ever. 52. I avoid babies like the plaque!! My late partner when we'd been together three months said to me that I was a step mother now. I laughed out loud, thinking he was fkn mental!!!! He genuinely meant it!! He was really upset that I thought this. Going out with someone does Not make you a parent to their children. Also I completely believe that children should Not be continually introduced to each and every new partner. Had we married it still wouldn't make me a step mother. I never Met his children who were in their 30s. And because of Covid I never did either. His funeral was during strict restrictions so his blood family were much more important to attend than I was.

    Fuhleeheece
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP is part of my tribe! I don't like other people's kids even though I'm an older woman and I should be everyone's "grandma." No thanks. I'll be pleasant but that's it.

    Megalodon Meg
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As a mother of two who never planned for kids or wanted them because I tend to also not enjoy the company of most kids, I do feel a small twinge of sadness for the GF as she seems to want to be integrated in the family and such. However, she's going about it completely wrong. The main issue is not respecting OP and their feelings and boundaries regarding unfamiliar kids. Doesn't seem like OP is going around hitting or belittling the kids or anything, just disinterested regardless of the reasoning. I love my kids and I'm so glad I had them but I'm really only close to or care for my 3 nieces, 2 nephews and my best friends kid because I know who raised them and how so they're just awesome and they grew up with me around so that affection and bond is solid. The other reason GF is wrong though is kind of implying that to build the relationship was solely OPs responsibility. She was clearly busy with family life and seemingly being introverted and thus didn't aggressively reach out

    Megalodon Meg
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or pursue a relationship to get to know them better but why didnt the GF try? Why didn't GF correct her kid's behavior? Relationships go both ways.

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    K. LNU
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Once again, the YTA are insane! However, I loved OP's comments to them!

    Janelle Collard
    Community Member
    Premium
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP, tell Natalie: "We're not your village. We're a neighboring country."

    Chewie Baron
    Community Member
    Premium
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I enjoyed this post. The OP sounds awesome!

    Andrew Arons
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Generally I like kids. And what I like best about other people's kids is that I can hand them right back to their parents once they've exhausted my very short attention span. "Sorry kid, I need some me-time to go play Half-Life on my computer, and it's Rated M for Mature. No you can't watch, you'd be traumatized and your mom and dad would yell at me."

    Tonyah Mcanelly
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This natatlie chick is inserting herself a little too quickly . First of all biological grand kids / nieces an nephews are always going to get treated a little differently. My kids were but their step grandparents always respected them . Its just a different kind of love. Secondly you cant force kids to like each other I have cousins I love and onces I cant stand and we are biologically linked. Finally why would you drop your kids off at some ones house when you have only met them a couple of times? It Seems Natalie was given plenty of warning about the personality of the OP but it seems she doesn't care ..

    K Barnes
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In our family the biological kids and step/adopted kids are treated the same and loved equally. No, biological kids are not always going to get treated differently... only by a certain type of people. That being said, in this case the gfs kids are not yet step or adopted children and are new to the family- THAT is why they would be treated differently. After time they could become just as loved as the biologically related kids.

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    Agat
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't know. The OP sounds unkind and self-centered. I'm not saying that she should be happy to take care of Natalie's children or something, but the way she talks about all of this + how she responded to people that weren't agreeing... In my opinion she just isn't a nice person. (and I don't like kids so it's not that I feel anything about that aspect of her post)

    K Barnes
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I totally agree. I respect her boundaries and find them reasonable. However, in her post and comments she seems really self-centred and generally not kind, and in her responses to some of the YTA comments she is just awful and gets hyper defensive then attacks. If you ask for people's opinions don't get hyper defensive and attack them when they give it to you... you literally asked for it.

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    XenoMurph
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'd love to hear the other side of this. So often the person posting is truly angelic and completely relatable, but the other person is evil and unreasonable. I bet the other side to this would be interesting to hear. The phrase "I am cold towards her kids" is not normal.

    Bailey
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, for me the situation is reasonable, but some of the things the poster says hints that she might actually be a d*CK as well. Not having an instant relationship with this woman and her kids, not wanting to look after them on her own, all reasonable, especially when she has very young children of her own to deal with. However, there are a couple of times she makes comments about how her and her parents will never have the same relationship with girlfriends kids as the poster's, and her responses to anyone who does not tell her she is in the right that seem off. It's reasonable that relationships will take time to build gradually, but seems more like the poster views her and the kids as an outsider, who can never be part of the "real" family

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