Woman Says MIL Is Attention Seeking And Making Up Illnesses, Drama Ensues After She Passes

When the family member who held everyone like glue passes away, all sorts of conflict tend to arise. One that many might not think about is disagreeing on how the person’s ashes will be shared. While this might sound strange, the rise of people who choose to be cremated is closely tied to the rise of such family disputes. 

Case in point are these siblings who, after their mom’s passing, couldn’t agree on who will possess the remains. The brother wanted to have some of the ashes, while the other sibling refused to abide by his wish since he abandoned her on his wife’s demand.

Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with Adam Binstock, a funeral, cremation, and memorial expert and founder of the Cremation Institute, Caleb Klein, a licensed funeral director and funeral celebrancy expert at Loving Ceremony, and Mallory Greene, co-founder and CEO of Eirene, an innovative funeral services company, who kindly agreed to tell us more about sharing loved one’s ashes.

After a family member passes, one conflict that might unexpectedly arise is how to share their ashes

Man in plaid shirt gesturing in a kitchen, confronting a woman.

Image credits: Iakobchuk / Envato (not the actual photo)

These siblings also ran into this question, but one of them refused to split mom’s remains with the other

Text conversation about family conflict over mother's ashes and brother's wife.

Text about a couple agreeing to a monthly arrangement over wife's dislike for frequent visits.

Text about a mom's health issues and random doctor visits.

Text discussing a wife making posts about being an attention seeker and creating problems.

Text about family tension over visiting mom and a disliked wife.

Text about visiting mom in another state and discovering she had dementia.

Text about a family caretaker facing skepticism from a brother and his wife.

Text discussing a family dispute over mother's ashes and lack of visits, highlighting absence at the viewing.

Two people holding an urn, symbolizing family tensions over mother's ashes.

Image credits: LightFieldStudios / Envato (not the actual photo)

Text message explaining why a guy and his wife won't receive mom's ashes, highlighting their absence before her death.

Text revealing a man being told to leave with his hateful wife.

Text describing family conflict over mother's ashes, with tensions and apologies debated.

Image credits: New_Imagination1109

Nowadays, around 60% of people choose to be cremated

Person holding a rose beside a table with an urn and candles, symbolizing conflict over ashes with a hateful wife.

Image credits: syda_productions / Freepik (not the actual photo)

According to the NFDA (National Funeral Directors Association), cremation has surpassed traditional casket burials, with its share being around 60% in 2023. It’s estimated that by 2035 the number will reach 77%, gaining more and more popularity due to lower costs and environmental impact.

Unfortunately, the rise of people who choose to be cremated poses quite a unique problem—family members are increasingly getting involved in disputes about sharing the person’s remains. In fact, Witan Solicitors report that a fifth of all funeral conflicts are related to where the deceased ashes or body will go.

Caleb Klein, a licensed funeral director and funeral celebrancy expert at Loving Ceremony, says that typically the right to an individual’s cremated remains follows the legal next-of-kin hierarchy. “In the simplest form, whoever has the legal authority to make funeral arrangements—a spouse, adult child, or other designated executor—is the person who makes the decision about who will receive the cremated remains after cremation. It is worth noting that a person’s written wishes in a will or pre-arrangements should be honored, whenever possible,” he noted.

It’s also perfectly fine to share the ashes amongst the people the late was very close with. “If, for example, a parent passes away and there’s a number of children, the ashes are commonly shared evenly amongst them. This can also extend on occasions to other family members or even friends, if the deceased was very close to them. Sometimes the person in charge will use a portion of the ashes to create a series of memorials like keepsake urns or jewelry pieces for family members,” told Adam Binstock, a funeral, cremation, and memorial expert and founder of the Cremation Institute, to Bored Panda.

“There are no universal legal restrictions against this, but cultural, religious, or personal beliefs may influence whether it’s considered appropriate,” adds Mallory Greene, co-founder and CEO of Eirene, an innovative funeral services company.

“If a religion supports cremation, it is usually acceptable to divide cremated remains, however the Catholic church offers guidelines that prohibit the separation of cremated remains. Communication is important, making sure to have an open discussion among key family members to ensure all are comfortable with the decision,” additionally notes Klein.

“Disputes over ashes can be emotionally charged, often stemming from differing beliefs and personal connections”

Couple arguing in a living room with a third person taking notes, expressing family tension over mother's ashes.

Image credits: zinkevych / Freepik (not the actual photo)

If someone is unhappy with the decision to split loved one’s ashes, Binstock suggests that to resolve the dispute, sincerity and respect are the best solutions. “Don’t go into the conversation in a confrontational or judgmental way. Explain to them what the person meant to you and why you want a portion of their ashes to remember them will go a long way. I would also explain what you intend to do with the ashes, like spread them or infuse them in a memorial ring.”

Meanwhile, Greene says, “Disputes over ashes can be emotionally charged, often stemming from differing beliefs, personal connections, or unclear directives from the deceased. The best approach is open communication and compromise. If disagreements persist, mediation with a funeral director, religious leader, or legal professional may help. In extreme cases, courts can intervene, though this is a last resort. To avoid conflict, pre-planning and clearly documented wishes are ideal.”

“To help alleviate fractures between surviving family, sharing portions of the cremated remains or incorporating them into other memorial options like glass art or as part of a memorial tree planting may help,” adds Klein.

“One thing I would always encourage people to keep in mind is that cremated remains represent much more than just physical remains—they hold a deep emotional or symbolic meaning. Whatever disposition is decided upon, those choices should reflect love, respect, and honor the unique life that was lived. Take the time to make thoughtful decisions that will ensure all involved are part of creating a lasting, meaningful tribute to their loved one,” he concludes.

The author provided more details in the comments

Reddit discussion about attending a funeral, highlighting family conflict over mother's ashes.

Reddit comment thread discussing a mom wanting her son's care while alive.

Some readers believed the sibling was right to deny brother of their mom’s ashes

Reddit comment discussing a brother's choice and treatment towards their mother.

Reddit comment discussing a man and his unkind wife not receiving his mother's ashes.

Text comment about family dynamics regarding mom’s ashes, mentioning the brother and sister-in-law.

Comment on brother and ashes, discussing respect for deceased mother's wishes.

Reddit comment about a guy not giving mom's ashes to his brother and sister-in-law who stopped visiting.

Reddit comment suggests adding mom's ashes to father's plot, removing responsibility.

A Reddit comment criticizing a person's decision regarding family and loyalty.

Online comment discussing a man and his wife's absence during mother's final days and not receiving ashes.

Reddit post discussing family estrangement, lack of visits, and mother's ashes.

Reddit thread discussing a family conflict about sharing mother's ashes, addressing feelings towards brother's wife.

Reddit comment criticizing a guy and his hateful wife for not visiting their mother before her death.

Reddit comment about a brother neglecting his mother and not deserving her ashes.

Comment discussing a troublesome wife posting about private family issues.

A humorous Reddit comment about gathering ashes from a park grill, referencing a family dispute.

Wile others had the opposite opinion

Reddit comment discussing division of mother's ashes, criticizing a brother and wife for pre and post-death behavior.

Reddit comment questioning the pettiness over ashes in a family dispute.

Text screenshot discussing guy's actions regarding mother's ashes and judgment.

Reddit comment discussing a man not receiving his mother's ashes due to family conflict.

Reddit comment discussing ashes and family tensions over distribution.

Poll Question

Total votes ·

Thanks! Check out the results:

Total votes ·

Newsletter

Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls

Subscribe

By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.

Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!

Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing!

Follow Bored Panda on Google News!

Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda!