“Am I The Jerk For Not Wanting Old People At My Wedding?”
Even though they’re full of unexpected twists and turns, in most posts we see on the subreddit ‘Am I the [Jerk]?‘, their authors are granted a pardon. This time, however, it was a different case.
A soon-to-be bride who goes on the platform by the nickname Strange-County-5848 wants to ban old people, including her own grandparents, from her wedding because she sees them as attention-sucking disappointments who can ruin the big day.
For example, she’s worried that her fiancé’s Alzheimer’s-ridden grandma would make a scene at the ceremony.
So she capped the age of all guests at 70. But when that didn’t fly with her family, she started having doubts and asked Redditors to share their thoughts on the situation. As previously mentioned, the majority were against her.
This bride didn’t want old people to ruin her wedding
Image credits: Tim Doerfler (not the actual photo)
So she invited only those under 70, excluding her own grandparents
Image credits: Dimitri Kuliuk (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Strange-County-5848
Naturally, the size of the wedding and budget determine who will be included in the guest list.
Lisa Burton, aka The Bridal Consultant, who plans affordable and memorable weddings abroad in Greece and Italy, suggests engaged couples start by making 3 lists. “First is the VIP list,” Burton told Bored Panda. “These are the people you couldn’t get married without having them by your side (parents, siblings, best friends).”
“The second is the B list,” she said. “It consists of close family and friends that you’d really love to join you, but will understand if they can’t make it.”
“And finally the C list. This will be your backup list, these guests will be invited if the budget allows, if the venue is big enough, or if anyone from the B list can’t make it.”
According to Burton, inviting everyone and hoping some will decline is probably a bad idea. “This has caught many a couple out. If you plan well enough in advance, it allows you time to invite and wait for acceptances before moving to your next list.”
Her personal opinion is that you shouldn’t invite anyone to your wedding that makes you feel uneasy in any way, “be it family, challenging friends or, dare I say, exes!”
“After all, this day is all about you and your partner celebrating your love for one another, why would you want anyone there that makes you feel uncomfortable? This can be tricky, especially if this person is a close family member,” the wedding planner said.
“In this instance, it could be that you have a very small wedding, or even elope, just the two of you.”
Most people were absolutely appalled by her decision
Burton and her team once planned an intimate wedding of 15 in total, where none of the family got on well. “That meant we had 4 tables each with 3/4 guests, the bride was so worried a fight would happen during the night, it consumed her in the run-up to the wedding,” she recalled. “Thankfully, it all worked out, but I often wondered if the couple would have been better eloping.”
At the end of the day, she firmly believes that the guest list should be determined by the bride and groom only. “If this means no guests and eloping alone, then do it! If you want an adults-only wedding with no kids, go for it, just be considerate about how you tell people of your decision. And don’t be offended if they disagree, it’s your wedding, not theirs.”
“Most couples fund their own wedding, meaning you can have full say about who’s invited,” Burton added. “If family members are contributing financially to the wedding, they may expect some say in the guest list, however, I don’t think financial help should come with conditions. So be prepared to stand your ground, this is your wedding day and should reflect your desires and dreams.”
I guess the wedding list is one of those things that you have (almost) full control over, but also need to take full responsibility for. Even if that means conflict.
But some thought she was free to do whatever she wanted
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