“AITA For Returning The Money To My MIL In Front Of Everyone, Embarrassing Her?”
When you’re organizing your wedding day, one thing that you might not expect is for pretty much everyone in your family and social circle to have an opinion on how everything should be done. It can be overwhelming if they insist that their way of doing things is the only way.
One anonymous woman took to the AITA online community to get some advice after her mother-in-law kept pressuring her to wear a white wedding dress. Frustrated of constantly being badgered, the bride-to-be publicly called out her MIL, sparking drama in the family. Read on for the full story. Bored Panda has reached out to the author for comment via Reddit, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
It’s up to the bride to decide what to wear on her Big Day. Unfortunately, not everyone’s a fan of this
Image credits: Juliano Goncalves / pexels (not the actual photo)
One bride opened up about how frustrating it was to hear her mother-in-law constantly offer ‘advice’ about her wedding dress
Image credits: Masson-Simon / envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: TATiredofmyMIL
Wedding costs quickly add up, so it’s no surprise that some couples ask for help
Weddings can be pretty expensive. According to a recent study done by The Knot, the average wedding in the US in 2023 cost around $35,000, which is $5,000 more than in 2022. The main culprit behind this price surge is the increase in the cost of various wedding-related goods and services.
The survey found the majority of respondents (85%) were affected by the economy as they were planning their wedding. On average, marrying couples hire 14 vendors. Meanwhile, 37% of respondents said that they hired a wedding planner to help with everything, including better budgeting.
Taking these costs into account, it’s no wonder that some couples ask their parents for financial assistance. Or their family members decide to pitch in even without being asked.
But it’s a delicate position to find yourself in when your relatives and your partner’s family finance (most of) your wedding. Many people feel that if they’re paying for at least part of the celebration, they should at least have their opinions heard.
This is a nuanced situation. On the one hand, yes, if you’re putting up a great deal of your own money, it’s respectful that the couple at least considers your ideas. Your relatives might be offering you some money so that you could invite more members of the family, for example.
Gifts aren’t meant to come with strings attached to them
On the other hand, if the money is a gift, you can’t exactly get mad if the happy couple wants to do things their way, not yours. Gifts don’t come with strings attached. And if they do, they’re not really gifts.
Furthermore, the couple is under no obligation to throw out their entire vision of the wedding just because someone contributed a small sum of money. It’s the couple that’s getting married, after all!
Yes, you can hear your relatives out. Yes, you should be courteous and understanding. Yes, you can integrate their ideas into your overall vision if they make sense and you genuinely like them. But if your family can’t take the hint that you don’t like their suggestions, it might be time to be less subtle in enforcing your boundaries.
That’s exactly what the author of the viral story did. By publicly calling out her mother-in-law, she made her boundaries very clear. Diplomacy and nuance didn’t work, so she was more overt in saying ‘no’ to her MIL’s idea this time around.
Meanwhile, giving back the money the MIL had given her was a masterstroke: now, there was no obligation at all to pretend to listen to ideas that went against the core of her vision for the wedding.
The vast majority of readers thought that the author was completely in the right. Because the MIL kept criticizing the bride’s choice of dress in public, she was also called out in public. Then again, overly entitled people are used to getting what they want, and they’re shocked when others push back.
Here’s what the internet had to say about the whole wedding drama
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Adults ask once, and if they don't get their way, they accept it. Toddlers throw tantrums until they get their way or they're made to leave.
While I’m sure the OP won’t read my thought, here they are anyway. I grew up with the idea of the “traditional” white wedding dress. But it was only a fashion tradition that started when Queen Victoria wore a white dress for her wedding. Before that, people simply wore their best dress. And colors are culture dependent. In fact, in some native tribes in the US, white actually symbolizes death, not marriage. Traditions all start somewhere. I actually LOVE the idea of a lilac colored dress. It sounds beautiful - it never occurred to me to wear a color other than white. I wouldn’t mind if that became the current “traditional” color.
My mom wore a light green dress for her wedding in 1982. It was the only one my parents could find, as it was during the last death throes of Soviet Union, and absolutely everything from toilet paper to rubber boots and sausages was in short supply. She was ok with the color but it was full coverage and made of wool for some reason?? and she was almost baked to death in the hot July weather. We watched Hollywood films where girls wear their mothers wedding dresses and asked about the dress, but as soon as we touched the fabric all 3 of us girls went NOPE we will get our own dresses! :D
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The only people who get to decide the wedding plan are the people getting married. You can advise, but don't sulk if it's not accepted.
Adults ask once, and if they don't get their way, they accept it. Toddlers throw tantrums until they get their way or they're made to leave.
While I’m sure the OP won’t read my thought, here they are anyway. I grew up with the idea of the “traditional” white wedding dress. But it was only a fashion tradition that started when Queen Victoria wore a white dress for her wedding. Before that, people simply wore their best dress. And colors are culture dependent. In fact, in some native tribes in the US, white actually symbolizes death, not marriage. Traditions all start somewhere. I actually LOVE the idea of a lilac colored dress. It sounds beautiful - it never occurred to me to wear a color other than white. I wouldn’t mind if that became the current “traditional” color.
My mom wore a light green dress for her wedding in 1982. It was the only one my parents could find, as it was during the last death throes of Soviet Union, and absolutely everything from toilet paper to rubber boots and sausages was in short supply. She was ok with the color but it was full coverage and made of wool for some reason?? and she was almost baked to death in the hot July weather. We watched Hollywood films where girls wear their mothers wedding dresses and asked about the dress, but as soon as we touched the fabric all 3 of us girls went NOPE we will get our own dresses! :D
Load More Replies... The only people who get to decide the wedding plan are the people getting married. You can advise, but don't sulk if it's not accepted.
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