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“I Have To Nurse In The Bathroom Or Guest Bedroom”: Woman ‘Breaks The Rule’ And Breastfeeds Her Newborn Around Her FIL, Gets Called A Jerk
It just so happens that Christmas is a perfect “supplier” of not only romantic and funny tales, but also various stories in the family drama genre. Of course, this is actually easy to explain, because since Christmas is a family holiday, very often relatives representing different generations, different beliefs and values, and different points of view on even the simplest things gather under the same roof. And where there are differences, there, alas, are always confrontations.
How many stories have we heard when spouses’ parents, believing themselves to be more experienced in the field of raising children, tried to “instruct” the new mom and dad, while actually imposing their own point of view on them? Very often, this does not lead to anything good, and here is another fairly clear example.
This story recently appeared on the AITA Reddit community, and the post, written by user u/aitabffilb, has around 4.4K upvotes and over 1.6K comments as of today. And although we are talking here about a violation of the almost unshakable yet unspoken law “my house – my rules”, most commenters sided with the “violator”. However, let’s not get ahead of ourselves…
More info: Reddit
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The author of the post and her husband usually spend time before Christmas with the man’s parents as the in-laws don’t celebrate this holiday
Image credits: faungg’s photos (not the actual image)
So, the author of the original post and her husband usually spend time visiting their parents at the end of the year. They always spend Christmas with the Original Poster’s parents, and before that, they visit her in-laws. The thing is, the OP’s husband’s parents don’t celebrate Christmas out of principle. However, here they certainly have every right to do as they wish.
Image credits: u/aitabbfilb
As the author gave birth to her son in August, her in-laws started giving her lots of unsolicited advice on parenting
But this year, the situation has become more complicated. Moreover, as the author of the post says, it became so due to the birth of their son in August. The OP claims that her in-laws are people who are not only very principled, but also very pushy with their ideas. We all probably know this type of person – they always say that, for example, when they raised their own children, they were talking and crawling at literally three months old, and if other kids do not, it is only because their parents are doing something wrong.
Image credits: u/aitabbfilb
Moreover, after the birth of her son, the OP had a small confrontation with her FIL about feeding the baby. The child has had formula occasionally due to supply issues and the new mom tries to be very careful about feeding. As for the father-in-law, he decided – since the child has eaten the formula several times, why not switch to it all the time?
Image credits: u/aitabbfilb
Before the spouses’ arrival, the in-laws claimed that the new mom may not breastfeed the baby in ‘family spaces’ of their house
In any case, the author of the post defended her right to breastfeed her son, but this time, when they went to visit her in-laws, she was confronted with the fact that in their house she could not breastfeed the child in any ‘family spaces’, because it supposedly would make her husband’s parents ‘uncomfortable’. However, what could she do – the new mom agreed to that, as she just didn’t want the judgment.
Image credits: Dave Clubb (not the actual photo)
So, when the couple arrived at the in-laws’ house, the new mom again had to endure a flurry of questions, such as why she ‘bothered to breastfeed’ when the baby ‘obviously likes formula’. The OP, of course, was upset by such questions, but, gritting her teeth, she forced herself to calm down. The husband, seeing that his wife was uncomfortable, decided to talk to his parents. However, the worst was yet to come…
Image credits: u/aitabbfilb
One day the new mom decided to breastfeed the hungry baby in the empty living room, and then her FIL came in…
At one point, the child got hungry and burst into tears. The new mom was tired of constantly going upstairs to the bedroom, so she decided to seize the moment – after all, the husband and his mother were smoking outside, and the father-in-law was cleaning up the kitchen. The OP decided that while no one was watching her, she could breastfeed the baby straight in the living room. And at that very moment the homeowner returned to the room…
Image credits: u/aitabbfilb
The MIL dubbed the author ‘selfish’ and stated that she ‘violated their house rules’
The OP’s FIL literally groaned and asked in a tragic voice what she was doing. Then the mother-in-law came in and yelled at the woman for ‘breaking the house rules’ and doing something that she knew would make other people ‘uncomfortable’. In the heat of the quarrel, the mother-in-law called the OP selfish and even asked – how would she feel if she and her husband started walking around naked?
Image credits: Barney Moss (not the actual image)
More accusations followed, but the OP didn’t care. She called her mother in tears, leaving her husband to bicker with his own parents. Hearing what happened, the mother offered to immediately buy tickets for her daughter and the baby, yet refused to pay for her husband’s flight, because she decided that he did not protect his wife enough. However, the husband took what happened with understanding, and did not throw an extra fit.
The author and the baby flew to her parents seeking support, yet her own dad told her that she was wrong in that case
If you think this is the end of the plot, then you are definitely wrong. It turns out that our heroine did not find complete understanding even among her own parents, and while her mother completely took her side, her father said that since she was told the rules of conduct in other people’s house, she was obliged to obey them. However, his own wife immediately interrupted the man’s ranting, asking him ‘to quit playing devil’s advocate’. However, the man nevertheless planted a seed of doubt in his daughter’s head…
However, most people in the comments sided with the new mom, labelling her in-laws rude and judgemental people
And yet, the commenters tried to dispel all the OP’s doubts in this situation. According to people in the comments, feeding her baby is way more important than catering to her FIL’s delicate sensibilities. Moreover, some commenters are generally disgusted that the baby’s own grandparents make his mom feel this way. Furthermore, the husband of the OP, according to people in the comments, should be more active in defending his spouse’s rights.
Yes, on the one hand, some commenters admit, the OP’s in-laws have the right to make their own rules in their own house. But these rules look completely stupid, and the homeowners themselves behaved rudely and look like judgmental people. On the other hand, perhaps the OP should have simply disagreed with these stupid rules in advance – since her husband was understanding enough to take her side in a confrontation with his own parents.
We do believe that in this situation your point of view can also be useful, so please feel free to express it in the comments. And, as always, if you have ever faced or witnessed any similar case, please tell us your own story and how it all ended for both sides of the confrontation. And we do hope every story will have a happy ending.
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What do you think ?
Got Myself 4 Pandas 3 years ago
Never fails to amaze me how people make breastfeeding a baby about themselves - here's the reality, the only peoples comfort that matter is that of the mother and child, no one else is involved and it effects you in zero way. Folk need to grow the f**k up
Becky Samuel 3 years ago
So she accepted the rules of the house before she went there, and then decided that she changed her mind and had zero respect for her hosts. What entitled nonsense do we teach people these days? If she didn't like the rules then she didn't have to go - easy peasy.
Load More Replies...
Monika 3 years ago (edited)
If you don't wanna see a breastfeeding boob because it makes you "uncomfortable", don't look. Clearly this FIL was being a creep and staring at OP's chest. Also, breasts are baby food. Nothing sexual. Society has just made them sexual. Edit: Adding on, lots of people try to justify feeling umcomfortable like "Well then how come I'm not allowed to walk around naked? Yall can just not look". Well, breastfeeding is IMPORTANT AND NEEDED FOR THE BABY. I don't know what reason people have to walk around naked.
Exotic Butters 3 years ago
I doubt he's a creepy perv. He's from a different generation where public breastfeeding wasn't done. Bet my dad would feel weird about it and he was a great guy!!
Load More Replies...
zak 3 years ago
Unless she has an unconventional way of nursing her baby (for example: pulling a boob out and spraying milk across the room towards the baby, while yelling "KOBE!"), she's not really an AH. However, she did agree to their rules beforehand, but then didn't adhere to them, so she's SLIGHTLY an AH. But only slightly.
Zohar 3 years ago
If your father in-law is uncomfortable seeing his grandchild, being fed, then he can hold off on seeing his grandchild, until his grandchild reaches a stage of feeding that does not bother the grandfather. I think the American Academy of pediatrics recently suggested that children, ideally, should breast-feed until age two. That could be a good time to meet up again.
Helena 3 years ago
I'll equate this to the wearing shoes in the house scenario. If I am invited to someone's house (family or not) and they're strictly no-shoes-in-house, I won't go. Their house, their rules. Are these in-laws total stick-up-butt, yes they are. Still their house, their rules. You knew it going in. I come from a giant family where half the women have a boob out at family get together's feeding babies. No one has an issue with it. The other side of the family, however, total pearl clutchers. A baby doesn't give you carte blanche to ignore the known rules of someone else's house that isn't causing physical or psychological harm. Please don't downvote and get me banned. I just think everyone is at fault here, and babies aren't a get-out-of-rules card.
StrangeOne 3 years ago
My ex's family was like that. It felt so lonely and alienating being holed up in a dark guest room to nurse my daughter. Yes, they actually turned the light off on me when I sat on the bed. Listening to the merry sounds of laughter in the other room, smelling the food while sitting, alone with my baby content just eating for 30 minutes or so. Breastfeeding babies have to be fed longer and more often than formula fed babies. I was told every 2 hours for 45 minutes for the first couple months until she could eat pablum. So, I completely understand where this mom is coming from. In malls and restaurants, even on hot days, I had to make sure me and my baby was covered entirely. I was more covered up than the models in the posters at Garage clothing and overheated a few times. It was that or risk security kicking us out. There should be protection rights in place for breastfeeding mothers just like the disabled have.
KittyGotClaws 3 years ago
Feeding the baby trumps everything else. I'm sick and tired of people making rules and obstacles for nursing mothers. Don't go over to people's houses who make a big deal and try to make you feel bad about feeding your baby. It's harassment. As for FIL trying to force you to bottle feed your child, tell him to mix up the formula and stick it up his a*s.
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 3 years ago
It was their house though, the rules don't need to make sense to you.
Kat Min 3 years ago
There is such a siple solution to this issue: LOOK SOMEWHERE ELSE if you think that a tiny human being being fed is such an abnormal and aweful thing to look at. It's really easy - just slightly turn your head and move your eyes in that same direction. Done. NTA and I would never ever set foot into the place of the inlaws again.
Got Myself 4 Pandas 3 years ago
Never fails to amaze me how people make breastfeeding a baby about themselves - here's the reality, the only peoples comfort that matter is that of the mother and child, no one else is involved and it effects you in zero way. Folk need to grow the f**k up
Becky Samuel 3 years ago
So she accepted the rules of the house before she went there, and then decided that she changed her mind and had zero respect for her hosts. What entitled nonsense do we teach people these days? If she didn't like the rules then she didn't have to go - easy peasy.
Load More Replies... Monika 3 years ago (edited)
If you don't wanna see a breastfeeding boob because it makes you "uncomfortable", don't look. Clearly this FIL was being a creep and staring at OP's chest. Also, breasts are baby food. Nothing sexual. Society has just made them sexual. Edit: Adding on, lots of people try to justify feeling umcomfortable like "Well then how come I'm not allowed to walk around naked? Yall can just not look". Well, breastfeeding is IMPORTANT AND NEEDED FOR THE BABY. I don't know what reason people have to walk around naked.
Exotic Butters 3 years ago
I doubt he's a creepy perv. He's from a different generation where public breastfeeding wasn't done. Bet my dad would feel weird about it and he was a great guy!!
Load More Replies... zak 3 years ago
Unless she has an unconventional way of nursing her baby (for example: pulling a boob out and spraying milk across the room towards the baby, while yelling "KOBE!"), she's not really an AH. However, she did agree to their rules beforehand, but then didn't adhere to them, so she's SLIGHTLY an AH. But only slightly.
Zohar 3 years ago
If your father in-law is uncomfortable seeing his grandchild, being fed, then he can hold off on seeing his grandchild, until his grandchild reaches a stage of feeding that does not bother the grandfather. I think the American Academy of pediatrics recently suggested that children, ideally, should breast-feed until age two. That could be a good time to meet up again.
Helena 3 years ago
I'll equate this to the wearing shoes in the house scenario. If I am invited to someone's house (family or not) and they're strictly no-shoes-in-house, I won't go. Their house, their rules. Are these in-laws total stick-up-butt, yes they are. Still their house, their rules. You knew it going in. I come from a giant family where half the women have a boob out at family get together's feeding babies. No one has an issue with it. The other side of the family, however, total pearl clutchers. A baby doesn't give you carte blanche to ignore the known rules of someone else's house that isn't causing physical or psychological harm. Please don't downvote and get me banned. I just think everyone is at fault here, and babies aren't a get-out-of-rules card.
StrangeOne 3 years ago
My ex's family was like that. It felt so lonely and alienating being holed up in a dark guest room to nurse my daughter. Yes, they actually turned the light off on me when I sat on the bed. Listening to the merry sounds of laughter in the other room, smelling the food while sitting, alone with my baby content just eating for 30 minutes or so. Breastfeeding babies have to be fed longer and more often than formula fed babies. I was told every 2 hours for 45 minutes for the first couple months until she could eat pablum. So, I completely understand where this mom is coming from. In malls and restaurants, even on hot days, I had to make sure me and my baby was covered entirely. I was more covered up than the models in the posters at Garage clothing and overheated a few times. It was that or risk security kicking us out. There should be protection rights in place for breastfeeding mothers just like the disabled have.
KittyGotClaws 3 years ago
Feeding the baby trumps everything else. I'm sick and tired of people making rules and obstacles for nursing mothers. Don't go over to people's houses who make a big deal and try to make you feel bad about feeding your baby. It's harassment. As for FIL trying to force you to bottle feed your child, tell him to mix up the formula and stick it up his a*s.
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 3 years ago
It was their house though, the rules don't need to make sense to you.
Kat Min 3 years ago
There is such a siple solution to this issue: LOOK SOMEWHERE ELSE if you think that a tiny human being being fed is such an abnormal and aweful thing to look at. It's really easy - just slightly turn your head and move your eyes in that same direction. Done. NTA and I would never ever set foot into the place of the inlaws again.
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